#bc wtf brain i was in the middle of a brainrot what do you think you're doing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mrpenguinpants · 3 years

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Okay so after pulling Childe (and getting him to almost lvl 90 the same day lmao but I ran out of exp books) I started thinking about Chaeya x reader and I have to share my brainrot with someone so here you go:

Childe suddenly shows up to Mondstadt one day, supposedly to check out the Windblume Festival, but it had already been over for a few days before he arrived

You walk in on him and Kaeya glaring daggers at each other in the middle of the street, Kaeya sending terse smiles and veiled threats while Childe is nearly vibrating with the effort to keep himself from stabbing Kaeya in broad daylight. Who cares if he's a captain of the Knights? This guy's pissing him off

When you make your presence known it's like a switch flipped inside the two of them and they both turn to you like "ah yes here is the love of my life :)"

"Childe? What are you doing here?"

"Aw, can't I come say hi to a friend?" He replies, flashing you a grin.

"In that case, you've said your hellos," Kaeya interjects. He drapes an arm across your shoulders and pulls you closer to him. "They'll be coming with me now."

"I'm not just here to say hello." Childe steps toward you, sending a cold smile in Kaeya's direction. "I'm here to spend the day with them. Now, if you'll excuse us…"

You sigh as you realize that you have to be the peacekeeper here otherwise who knows what these two will do to each other?

To stop them from fighting and to lighten the tension in the air, you jokingly say, "Alright you two, settle down. I have two hands."

Even though you clearly meant it as a joke the boys each immediately grab one of your hands and you end up sandwiched between them for the rest of the day while they engage in Friendly Banter™ but don't you worry it's totally lighthearted and doesn't really mean anything (:

You are exhausted from babysitting these two grown ass men at the end of the day

Fast forward a few weeks and Kaeya invites Childe to have a Civil Discussion about their mutual feelings towards you

Bc while Kaeya would be perfectly content (he tells himself) with burying his feelings and letting someone else sweep you off your feet if it means you get to be happy and safe

He absolutely cannot let you fall into the hands of the Fatui, especially not a Harbinger

He's already lost his family because of the Fatui, he's not going to lose you too

These two somehow manage to make it through their chat without stabbing each other, which is a miracle

They decide to confess to you together and let you decide who to keep

The day comes when they both planned to confess to you. They somehow both kept their promise of not confessing before the other person which is also quite the miracle (maybe they signed a contract with Zhongli as the mediator lmao)

Anyway, they take you out to the cliff next to Stone Gate bc no one ever goes up there lmao so they won't be interrupted

(Kaeya lets Childe go first bc he thinks he would be able to deliver a more romantic confession than this two brain cell Fatui Harbinger)

Idk how to break it to you Kaeya but your poetry sucks (jk jk pls still come home I need your constellations 🥺)

After hearing two heartfelt confessions from your two favorite people, you had to take a moment to process what just happened

They both like you??? Wtf???? And here you were losing sleep over how you'd handle your crush on both the Cavalry Captain and the Harbinger

So if course you suggest a poly relationship. After all, you had two hands ;)

The boys didn't quite know how to handle your response, but after explaining it to them they both agree to give it a shot

So that's how you managed to capture the heart of these two idiots

And with your help they eventually realized that, huh, maybe the other person isn't so bad. They're actually kinda hot, ngl 👀

From then on, all the evil in Teyvat knew to not mess with you if they valued their existence. Your boyfriends aren't known to show mercy against those who hurt their loved ones

Ahaha this was long but I hope you enjoyed it!! If I have more brainrot to share I shall return with a part 2

Being completely honest. I really like Childe + Kaeya. Zhongli + Childe is really nice and wholesome but no one really writes smug Zhongli (THE. LOST. FUCKING. POTENTIAL???) but I care about fake smug Childe being paired with actually smug bastard Kaeya. But then you throw a reader in and holy shit, have I mentioned how much I love poly relationships?? I'm so honoured you came to me of all people to brainrot;; I also love the idea of reader acting as a wingman for two separate characters.

Dude, I can literally astral project and see this in my mind. I fully commit to the idea that Childe is an overgrown child and Kaeya acts like one when he gets pissed lol. Yo, if they signed a contract with Zhongli I can feel evil dad Zhongli hovering behind them anytime they try to make a move. But I was also not a fan of Kaeya's poetry. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I hate big acts of affection. Or just any act of affection that oversteps above platonic cause I would not be writing poetry for my friends unless it was a joke. It makes my spine turn to liquid. I'm gonna be real, even tho I just said that, I'm super down to hold anyone's hand or link arms. I'm gonna use "I have two hands" one day.

I can totally see their relationship starting with I love this person and I want to fuck this other person. There is no in-between. Then it slowly develops and what are these feelings I'm having??

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