#bc i don't feel the need to rush but sometimes i am overcome with this feeling of urgency

[woahjo]

im about to say something a little emo but bear with me pls.

i genuinely am happy being single. im okay not having a partner and not doing the things. i love having me time and i love being able to devote my time entirely to myself and my friends and i KNOW that my worth isn't contingent on having a partner or not. but sometimes man, it just gets a little hard. because it's never happened for me yet and because there's a small part of me that doesn't think it ever will. it's not because i need someone else to make me feel fulfilled. i am plenty fulfilled by my own company and by my art and by my hobbies and by my friends. i just want to love, you know? i want to experience loving someone and being loved back. i want to be able to look at someone and love their eyelashes and their smile and their nose and their chin and their shape and be able to tell them that. i want to be able to imagine a future with someone. platonic love exists too and i don't think anything will be able to replace it, but i would like to experience romantic love. i want to know what it's like to care and be cared about that way. but the problem (and the nice thing i guess?) is that im not in any real rush. i'm looking, but im not devoting my time to it, nor do i feel the need to "settle" just to experience it. but it does get incredibly isolating, especially BECAUSE i don't care much about that stuff. idk how else to explain it other than isolating. it seems like everyone i meet has dated or is dating and that seems to be what people want to talk about, while i've never really done any of those things, nor do i know what its like to be cared about that way. and while im okay with the fact that it hasn't happened yet, the insecurity creeps up constantly that it never will.

im not wording properly but it's isolating. i feel very isolated in my experience with romance and dating. and while i have limited experience (strictly sexual, which i have mixed feelings about), i feel like i am too far behind for anyone to take me completely seriously. i need to move slow and it feels to me like everyone moves so fast. at least in my country/state, it feels like "sex first, talk later" and i don't want to do that. it's an isolating experience and the lack of... idk understanding (?) or maybe willingness to learn about me when dating can sometimes make me feel like maybe people think that there is nothing worth knowing or learning.

#it's just!!!! idk!!!! #im happy the way i am but it would be nice to know how it feels.. i guess #especially when so much emphasis is placed on it #i would just like to know what it feels like to be in love and to be loved back. mutual care i guess #and i already feel behind because i haven't met anyone im comfortable having sex with yet #anyway! that's my little rant #and i feel a kind of way about it #melancholy perchance #i dunno it's weird #bc i don't feel the need to rush but sometimes i am overcome with this feeling of urgency #like i need to do something about it.. or worse.. i feel like maybe it will just never happen for me #idk! anyway that's all! #cal.vent #cal.personal #delete later

[vicariousanti]

ALSO I MISS THEM FUCKKKKKKKKKKK IM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO GO BACK ON MY WORD ... IK THIS IS WHATS BEST FOR ME IK I DESERVE BETTER THAN A SITUATIONSHIP BUT FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK I JUST WANR THEM SO BADDD UGHHHHHHHHH JUST LET ME WIFE YOU UP DAMN

Yes yes i know love is about accepting and surrendering and releasing it's just like Fuck

It sucks when like understanding and acknowledging and compassion can only go so far ..... like sometimes it does help for me to temper myself and step outside of myself. Other times I'm like Ok salem yes you're allowed to have compassion and grace and completely understand where someone is coming from and why they're choosing what they choose. Simultaneously you are still your own person too and you are a lover that deserves mutual commitment and devotion!!! Like i may be a gemini venus n all but it's in the 8th house babes ... In the beginning yeah idgaf but WHEN I DO... I AM LOCKED DOWN IDK

I don't believe in right person wrong timing like okay kinda i guess i can see that but i also feel like the right person would find a way to want to make the timing right yk? Ik there's no such thing as blanket statements as "right person" but yk. My point is, there is someone out there where they are in a position of life where they feel more willing to overcome their fears, traumas, triggers, and open their heart up more to be able to love me in the committed way i desire. And i'm not in a rush fr. It's not like I need to be in a partnership by tomorrow. I'm also content with being single. Although i am going to miss certain aspects of intimacy that are not as easily found with friendships sigh....

IT JUST FUCKING SUCKSSSS LIKE WHY IS 12H SYNASTRY LIKE THIS IM GOJNG TO KAY MY ESS

But it's fine

It's honestly kinda out of my hands now like I'm not about to convince anyone to surrender for me. It's when they want to. And if they feel like their current wants and desires and needs are more important and valuable than a romantic connection with me then who am i to beg and say to consider otherwise? Ima be like u got it. And just learn to pour all this sappy ass love i have into me. And my loved ones. I mean they're still a loved one, but yk.

Sigh just give me the strength bc i want to give into temptation so baddddd but at the same time i'm trying my best to learn love is discipline it is recognizing to not follow your every whim and desire it is recognizing when you can release certain standards or expectations but also have to be firm about others and it's just FUCKING SIGH. Why did they have to be so lovable and beautiful and just why does love constantly seem to slip from my hands... that poem about love being elusive when it really doesn't have to be but the world and it's dysfunction makes it that way be wanting to BASH MY HEAD AGAINST A WALL BC I HATE THAT THEYRE RIGHT

Like idk what's worse like being in romantic relationships but being treated like shit or constantly being close to being in romantic relationships but something happens and it slips away before you were even able to really revel in the beauty and the joy of it all

I mean i did anyway but also Yes i would've loved to been able to wash the dishes with you and read books with you by a fireplace and gaze under stars with you and maybe a kid Ok im done fr im done sorry my brain is just rambling i gotta release so i can sleep heh

[red-sterling]

thanks for answering!! i hope you don't mind if i send more charas...how about green and/or lillie?

fhgjkfdg aw yea thank u!! hopefully this doesn’t publish before i’m done typing lol

also this definitely needs a readmore bc i got emotional abt Green oops

Green

favorite thing about them

first of all: the fact that Green canonically has a rivals to best friends arc with Red fills me with so much joy and YES they are on their alolan honeymoon you cannot convince me otherwise

okay like. gen 1 Green just perfectly encompasses what it’s like to be a ten year old in a way? like ofc he’s written like a kid bc he is a kid, but i feel like the writing on him just feels so genuine as compared to some of the other 10 yr old rivals you get in other regions. even though he’s kinda a brat at the start, he kinda eases up a bit as you go along your journey and starts giving you progressively nicer/more praise-y end lines when you beat him (going from “i picked the wrong pokémon!” to “so, you are ready for boss rocket!”) but still retains this childlike rivalry and competitiveness and i love that about him

and like. fucking beating him at the Indigo League still completely breaks my heart because even after he did become the champion at age 10 the first thing that happens is you beat him and Prof Oak just yells at him for being bad at things and like. ow. 

this is why i headcanon that Red actually took awhile longer to get to Green like please. please give my boy a chance to be happy and proud

also Red was caught up with Team Rocket anyway so i imagine he must’ve fallen a little behind at some point? anyway

the development on him across regions is so choice!!! he’s so much more mellow and even kinda melancholic when you find him in gsc/hgss, like he’s calmed down over a few years and he obviously misses Red so much but like, it’s clear that Red is kinda the reason Green does settle down and he seems to have worked on his character and become a nicer person - and he still has that sassy flair to him! he’s just got that gradual slope from asshole rival to kinda aloof gym leader to friendly/sassy battle legend and aaaaa i love my boy so MUCH

also huge point: he’s so fucking driven??? he’s got the most drive and the most passion for battles/pokémon in general out of all the rivals i feel. he’s only closely matched by Silver, but Silver seems to be more aggressive than passionate, and somewhat out of necessity too (like, Giovanni abandoned him what was he to do), whereas Green just really like. he genuinely just cares so much about battles and about pokémon in general! he literally calls you in hgss and just rants about how many different kinds of pokémon there are in the world!!!

also in Alola he’s like???? just so sweet?????? he congratulates you and is like hey you’re really strong lets battle like!!!!!!!!! supportive boy!!!!! he has come so far over so many generations and i cry

also on Four Island when you play frlg he legitimately says “Be smelling ya!” when he leaves and how do you not love this idiot

least favorite thing about them

i mean. while i get that you beat Green right after he becomes the champion in the kanto games i feel like there should’ve been more pomp and circumstance for him and i’ll never forgive gamefreak for giving this boy his dream, then making you rip it away from him, and then watching his own gramps yell at him for fucking up like. again it’s that drive, i get why Red keeps such good pace w Green but i just feel like he worked so hard and he deserved so much better than that

also while i’m very biased towards him bc Big Emotions, i feel like if i knew this boy irl who was constantly i’m so great and you’re a loser i would probably punch him eventually lmao. in theory it’s kinda endearing but as a real person that’d be grating 

favorite line

on one hand, “smell ya later” is so fucking iconic, but on the other - 

“I’m Blue. Man, this guy called Red brought me down in a heartbeat. I haven’t seen him in a long time…I wonder where he is and what he’s up to… Come to think of it, you look a little bit like Red. Yeah, you do. Just…Just a little bit. Whatever…”

my namelessshipping heart

ALSO NOT CANON BUT GREEN RANTING TO YOU ABOUT RED AND GETTING SO DISTRACTED THAT HE FORGETS TO GIVE YOU THE POKÉDEX????? BIG GAY

brOTP

for long elaborate headcanon reasons, i see him as being a good brotp with Kris - i headcanon her as also being really driven the way Green is, but more quiet about it, she’s kinda a good balance to him and they probably do pokemon research together. i also feel like she kept him sane while Red was still missing/before they found him on a fuckin mountain

OTP

do i really need to tell you that i’m 100% namelessshipping

like they perfectly balance each other. Green has all this energy and all this spunk and Red is just like… so opposite of him y'know? he’s quiet and he’s more measured in his behavior i feel, he doesn’t really rush into things as much, and yet they both really just took Kanto by storm when they were kids, and i like how they have this foil dynamic and are both still so successful? they’re so different and they complement each other in that way, and they both find success in their own ways

like one of the reasons i hate that Green’s championship gets undersold so much is that he did beat you to the punch, and he has been one step ahead of you, and there’s so much passion there and it’s so loud - and yet you as Red are just as driven, you take down Team Rocket, you’re always right on his tail, so close but not quite there, you’re the only one who can keep up with him and you’re the only one he cares enough about to slow down for

so like. idk with even all my headcanons about namelessshipping aside (and i can infodump those another day lol), i feel like the in-game representation of them just works. they just work so well together, they balance each other without ever holding each other back, and there’s something really beautiful about that in a relationship y'know

…..i feel bad abt not putting as much infodump about isshushipping now but oh well

nOTP

i don’t really have a notp with him? i kinda like. i basically just do namelessshipping, but i don’t get a visceral eugh when i see other ships with him, just kinda a well it’s not nameless so i’ll be on my way. idek what other ships w him are popular?? i’ve been in nameless hell since 2012 so 

random headcanon

while Red is still living on Mount Silver, Green is not coping well with having him so far away, and so Green massively overworks himself to the point that he keeps just not being in his gym sometimes bc he’s bouncing between the gym, training multiple teams, pokémon research, and ofc going to visit Red whenever he can. this leads him to be kinda temperamental after he’s been working on 2 hours of sleep a day for like a week until he just has an emotional meltdown and crashes, and then he gets right back into it because he has no self preservation

…….. nicer headcanon; Red can only cook two (2) foods, so Green cooks all the food for them when they move in together. he has attempted to teach Red how to cook, but Red pretends not to understand so Green will keep making him food. Green knows Red is faking it and doesn’t call him out bc he thinks it’s cute

unpopular opinion

look i’ve played through classic red version a few times and when i say he wasn’t that much of a jerk, i do genuinely mean he was not that much of a jerk. he’s like ten. ten year olds are just Like That. i guess this isn’t too unpopular anymore but it was Back In The Day and in some parts of the fandom he’s still seen as a jerk and like Bro He Is Ten In RGB/FRLG cut him some slack

also genuinely unpopular - Green is taller than Red. i know namelessshipping has fallen into the bara Red and twink Green trope but i refuse to let go of tall Green/short Red fuckin fight me why dont you

song i associate with them

a lot of the Pray For The Wicked album by Panic! at the Disco gives me Green vibes, more for the sound than for lyrics necessarily, but for some reason Roaring 20s just like. has the sound of Green to me. it’s somewhere between flamboyant pride and underlying insecurity that i think really encapsulates Green (or at least his subtext)

favorite picture of them

i genuinely love his let’s go concept art he’s such a sweet good boy?? 

and for the life of me i cannot find the op source on this but this is my fave pic of Green/namelessshipping in general that i’ve had saved since like 2012 maybe???

yeah if anyone can help me source that i’d appreciate it bc reverse image search only brings me to pinterest and random wattpad links :/

update: source seems to be the artist くる (pixiv id=982894) on pixiv, even though the original post got taken down (ty anon!)

Lillie

favorite thing about them

by now i guess you know im a sucker for character development, but i think they did a really good job with her!! i feel like her turn is a bit more in moments than it is with Green, who gradually evolves (lol) over the course of Kanto/all the gens overall. you see more discrete moments where Lillie starts to shift and gain confidence in herself and i am so proud of her ???? like the way she gets excited when she sees Olivia doin’ her z-move stuff, she starts buying her own clothes and getting ahead of you, etc etc

and like, she still has moments where she’s scared, there’s still some fundamental Lillie in there yknow? you don’t lose any of that softness that characterizes Lillie, she just like… she gets better, she develops without losing her Lillie vibe and i love that abt her. she overcomes a lot of the shit she had to deal with when she was stuck with Lusamine, she stands up to Lusamine eventually, and ghfdkjsg gah she’s a sweet gorl i love and appreciate her

also like. the writing on her backstory is so subtle in-universe. like yeah she literally looks like Lusamine’s daughter and you see her in the opening cutscene leaving Aether, but as the protagonist - like as Selene lets say, there’s little hints about where Lillie came from, and if you suspend your disbelief and put yourself in the pc’s shoes, there’s subtly to her character arc that i like 

also like. when she changes her outfit and starts being more protagonist-y, like more confident and kinda bubbly instead of shy??? love that shit it’s so cute can i have custody of this child pls

least favorite thing about them

i like. sometimes feel like she’s too soft of a character for me to really get into? like i love her and Hau, they’re sweet good friends, but i tend to personally gravitate towards characters that create a little more tension (ie Green and N)

(though on that note, Hau can be kinda savage. he just calls Faba out and sarcastically calls Gladion “a ray of sunshine” at some point i think?? Lillie is just very tender and i will support her forever, but i think that also makes her almost too soft to keep me fixated on her yknow. it’s not even a flaw in her character but just not something i fawn over as much)

favorite line

“I’m so glad I got to meet everyone. I’m so glad I got to meet you.”

like that ending kills me but that line almost feels like. I Feel That So Much like i feel so happy to have met all these new characters and to have played these games, and i feel like some of the player’s energy and enjoyment of the game is channeled into this last line of hers 

also GET IN THE BAG

brOTP

probably her and Hau?? idk, i don’t have a specific brotp for her but i like her just hangin around w the other Alola kids, so like her, Hau, Gladion, and the protag kids. they’d raise hell together and Lillie continues to be the only one with some impulse control

(Gladion also has some impulse control but keeps getting annoyed by Hau and so he gets dragged into their nonsense anyway)

OTP

Selene and Lillie is. Good. idk what the ship name is but it’s canon

nOTP

i dont even know if people ship her with Gladion but incest is a big no-no in my house

random headcanon

when she goes to Kanto, i bet she’d pick Bulbasaur as a starter if she was given the opportunity - and if not, she’d probably catch a wild Vulpix 

unpopular opinion

idk if have any unpopular opinions for her?? 

song i associate with them

i have no reason to associate this with her but the Rainy Day theme from acgc just. has a vibe about it. i think a lot of ac music feels like it suits her

favorite picture of them

i found this art of her through a lofi remix of her theme awhile back and it’s so pleasing to look at? her hair is nice and the colors are so warm n happy gjhkfdgf

if you read this far, congratulations!!! and i’m sorry

#thank u for asking again and i'm sorry this took so long and *is* so long lol #sterling content #Anonymous