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wiener-blut · 6 years

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i was tagged by my bb @babypaulchen ages ago and now the time has come to finally do this shit!! i told u i was gonna do it Brig!!

rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people (i wont tag anyone bc im doubting i even know 20 ppl on here lmao)

— what was your last…

1. drink: peach flavoured ice tea 2. phone call: my mom bc i asked her if shes interested in some hyacinth bulbs for her garden since the ones that stood in my room decayed 3. text message: to my cousin, setting a time where we can call and chat 4. song you listened to: actual surprise - its not Rammstein *ooohs and aaahs fly through the crowd* it was “The Schuyler Sisters” from Hamilton 5. time you cried: yesterday bc i had the worst fucking headache ever and i was being a whiny bitch

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: uhh no? 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: yes, multiple times and ive come to the conclusion that throwing up makes me feel better afterwards like im back to being able to actually perveice my environment again lmao

— fave colours

12. black 13. pastel pink 14. actually i kinda love all colours idk

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: yes! 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: yes, multiple times, good 18. found out someone was talking about you: like uh shittalking? idk so i guess not 19. met someone who changed you: uhhh kinda? 20. found out who your friends are: um well i found out that my friends are good friends and that i love them and that i dont want to miss any of them 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: what? u can “kiss” someone on facebook? lmao i didnt take a look on facebook for literally years .......man i had a massive brainlag here. i thought u can now “kiss” ppl on facebook like u can “poke” ppl on facebook and it didnt come to my mind this could mean “irl” lmao bury me IF it means irl tho, then yes

— general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: pff idk man who the fuck still uses that shithole of a site anyways

23. do you have any pets: no but i had a super cute and fluffy bunny and i still miss him and think about him everyday also i plan on having half a farm and half a zoo in the future

24. do you want to change your name: not anymore; i used to hate my name bc its so outdated and the only answer i ever got on introducing myself was “hey my grandma has the same name isnt that funny” but then more and more people told me my name was pretty and unique and well now that im older (sounds like im 40 lmao) im even kinda fond of it

25. what did you do for your last birthday: umm uhh i guess i was studying for my exams lol but i remember my gf cooking an amazing dinner for me 💖

26. what time did you wake up today: uhhhhhh smth around 9am i think

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: actually sleeping for once bc that headache knocked me out completely

28. what is something you can’t wait for: fucking going to fucking Hamburg in fucking five fucking days

30. what are you listening to right now: the birds chirping outside

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes i had a classmate named Tom........he was a bit strange tho.......

32. something that’s getting on your nerves: i cant think of anything rn

33. most visited website: Tumblr and Youtube

34. hair colour: natural? blonde / current? dyed it pink two weeks ago

35. long or short hair: long ass hair and i mean, literally, they reach all the way down to my hips

36. do you have a crush on someone: ohhhahahaha so, so many, one - and maybe the king of em all - being Christoph Schneider (not obvious at all cough cough)

37. what do you like about yourself: uhhhhhhhhhhh.........;;;;; i guess... uh... *insert more unintelligent noises* maybe my legs?

38. want any piercings: no, except for maybe some on my ear

39. blood type: 0 positive, i think

40. nicknames: Lily

41. relationship status: super duper gay af with @haifisch-ohne-traenen

42. sign: officially capricorn (i like to say “the last capricorn” bc it sounds like “the last unicorn” and well my birthday is on the last day that still counts as capricorn), but honestly im more of an aquarius

43. pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv show: i recently watched Grimm and the story was okay but the cast was like super adorable and i fell in love with every single one of them

45. tattoos: none. YET. i have plans for so much i just am very bad at deciding

46. right or left handed: right handed 47: ever had surgery: okay, small story time. there are these childrens books by german illustrator and author “Janosch” in which a tiger and a bear are best friends and i used to love those books. so once, tiger got ill (his stripes slipped out of place) and he needed to see the doctor. and the exact line was “soothing small shot, blue dream, surgery over, noticed nothing, tiger healthy”. and i once was in the hospital bc there was something wrong my nose (i dont remember what it was tho) and so they anaesthetized me (and my fav stuffie which i brough with me for mental support) and afterwards i told everyone of my “blue dream” and everyone was like ????? wtf kid bc they didnt know what i was talking about and it was just some months ago when i finally found out that a narcosis isnt called a “blue dream” and that i just knew this bc of this books which i adored and tbh i was like MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE “BLUE DREAM” IS AN ADORABLE TERM FOR IT 48. piercings: none 49. sport: i did ballet for 15 years and i still love to dance around the house and the mother of my best friend once called me cute bc i cant stand still and always spin around or stretch my toes while lifting my leg or do some pliés and tbh i wasnt even aware of that

50. vacation: uh...i love? lmao

51. trainers: umm like my shoes? mostly wearing my black doc martens

— more general

52. eating: i love me some good salad with tomatoes, mozzarella and tuna but ngl a pizza margherita could beat that salad any time. or a nice ragout fin. or mac’n’cheese. i love food in general, okay

53. drinking: i’d kill for a tequila rn. but like non-alcoholic beverage - plain water, yes thank u

54. i’m about to watch: some movie with my gf which we havent decided on yet

55. waiting for: my gf to return home from work so i can smooch her pretty face

56. want: to cuddle honestly

57. get married: since its legal in germany for some months now... idk tbh, its not smth i debate about on a daily basis

58. career: um i have a vague plan for becoming a speech pathologist but yea... its very vague

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs

60. lips or eyes: gotta say eyes

61. shorter or taller: i dont care actually

62. older or younger: um sweats loudly...... older (fun fact i recently calculated the average age of my celebrity crushes....yes i was bored.... and it resulted in 50.... well.....)

63. nice arms or stomach: arms, fucc me up

64. hookup or relationships: relationships

65. troublemaker or hesitant: me? kinda both

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: no 67. drank hard liquor: yes 68. turned someone down: not really?

69. sex on first date: nope

70: broken someone’s heart: probably

71. had your heart broken: uh yea...kinda

72. been arrested: no

73. cried when someone died: yes, im a whiny bitch so i cry easily

74. fallen for a friend: yeah binch im dating that lovely ho right now... im gonna leave Brig’s answer here bc its perf and same here

— do you believe in

75. yourself: ugh

76. miracles: i want to

77. love at first sight: no

78. santa claus: i want to lol but no

79. angels: fuck yes

— misc

80. eye colour: blue-gray-green-ish mud 81. best friend’s name: Dana

82. favourite movie: so? much? i cant decide, really

83. favourite actor: Tom Hiddleston, i love this british dork, lemme tell u

84. favourite cartoon: phuh, idk i dont really watch cartoons

85. favourite teacher’s name: SWEATS LOUDLY AND AGGRESIVELY i had two massive teacher crushes back in my school days and that makes me a bit biased but im gonna say Herr Wolf was a great teacher bc he always said “hey, astronomy’s a minor subject, the test won’t be hard and i wont give u homework, u guys concentrate on math, german and english” and tbh we need more teachers like that

#tag thing #aaaa god that was so fun but a bit time consuming tbh lol

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dciji-blog · 7 years

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( * shin deiji . )

scanning shin deiji, he is twenty-two years old and read as audacious but hazardous, which explains why he is referred to as the scelestic. before virtual reality he was battling multiple personality disorder and living in japan. he’s been said to look incredibly similar to park jimin, but he’s never seen it. in this new virtual world, he plans on finally taming his temper and hopes to never go back to reality.

trigger warning: multiple personality disorder, abuse ( physical, emotional, sexual ), death, murder, violence, blood, adoption.

heeeeeeey-ho, your favourite friendly neighbourhood loser sky is finally here to talk about her beloved Angel™. she/her, twennnnney & from cest aka gmt+2, a nerd. but !! i’m not important here, my baby is sooo i’m really fckn hoping you guys are down for reading some perhaps confusing shit bc i plan on rambling a lot eeek ok here we go.

ps. i hope no one is triggered by this. if you have a problem with any part of my bio, feel free to contact me but only if you genuinely have a problem with it & not because you wanna be an asshole. ok ty~!!

pss. i know that it might seem Extra, introducing so many dark topics here, but abuse, separation & depression are believed to be among the main causes of mpd, so they needed to be included.

psss. i won’t actually be portraying the mental illness itself. it’s only present in my love’s past.

GANG JINYONG:

of course shin deiji isn’t a real name. shin deiji doesn’t exist in reality. at least not with this face. the name they’d attach to his solemn features back home was gang jinyong. jinnie.

born twenty-two years ago on november 11th in ilsan, south korea, this scorpio was raised by a single mother with occasional, undesired appearances of his sperm donor ( his father, but he doesn’t deserve to be called that ).

he was a result of a loveless act, a drunken hookup that failed to turn into anything more. a product of reckless infidelity. his mom, min seo, was a college senior & the guy, jiho, was the owner of a local pub, a married man with two children. when she discovered that she was pregnant & that he was married & uninterested to help her with the baby, she threatened to ruin his marriage if he did not support her financially.

he did so during her pregnancy. she kept asking him for help even after giving birth ( naturally, bc her parents didn’t want to support her & she had to drop out of college so she had no income whatsoever. couldn’t work bc who’d take care of tiny jinnie then ? ). he found them a decent apartment & gave her a job at the bar. jinnie grew up in that bar and watched men catcall, emotionally & sexually abuse his v young mother night after night. he even witnessed jiho slap her a couple of times when she asked for a raise or complained about the regular customers being nasty towards her.

min seo, bless her soul, was a wonderful mother. she put her child first and would rather starve than let her kid walk around hungry. but during the years of torture she became very mentally ill & she would snap at jinnie during her breakdowns. afterwards, though, she’d fall on her knees in front of the tiny kiddo & apologise, kiss his little cheeks & forehead.

when he grew up, he became a victim of the drunks as well. i don’t feel like writing about that now, it was too nasty.

experiencing all of this first hand, more often than not, jin would lock himself away & daydream about a better life. either a life where he was capable of protecting himself or a life in which he was appreciated. those two were among many scenarios he’d get lost in.

while he was still young he dealed with some blackouts & memory loss. he couldn’t figure out how he ended up standing in a particular room. he couldn’t remember certain conversations or things he had done. it was a rare occurrence at first, but as he got older & more plagued by tragedies, it became more frequent.

min seo, believing she was doing the right thing, gave jinyong away when he was eleven. he would’ve been taken away from her anyway, since she was deemed an unfit parent & jin was growing up in an unhealthy environment.

the separation made his illness even worse, it really did. that’s when he had the most alts who distracted him. however, all of them merged and then split into two, leaving jin only with jiu & jeaki.

he was adopted by won mina & jongin, who moved to tokyo, japan with him a year later.

he went to school there & was a remarkable student who was especially interested in nanotechnology.

personality-wise, he was more of a quiet type. not shy but he didn’t like to speak when he had nothing smart to say. blunt af, honest. though, still considerate & kind.

JIU:

the only major alt that survived besides his most prominent one, jeaki.

jiu loves fashion more than life itself. sometimes jin would wake up in piles of new clothes & then look in the mirror and see that his hair’s grey or pink ------ that’s mostly how he discovered when this alt was in charge of his body. jiu always styled his host. other alts didn’t really care about that, but would sometimes sigh at jiu’s extravagant fashion choices, cashmere suits & silky scarves, while going through the closet.

jiu wasn’t delusional, he knew he was not actually a fae prince, but he liked to view himself as one. no one ever praised him, so he took it upon himself to praise himself.

he was created to battle sexual abuse & the depressing lack of love jin was dealing with.

sweet af. pure. heart of gold. god of love. lecherous. classy.

heart-shaped sunglasses. dimmed lights with a rosy glow. tasty, edible lip scrubs. summer.

JEAKI:

main alt. he came when jin was feeling helpless. when anger was bubbling inside of him & ached to be released. he was initially envisioned as a protector of both jinyong & his mother, but soon jin could no longer control him & jeaki became a separate personality with a mind of his own. he started appearing more when jin moved to tokyo to live with his adoptive parents. with a tongue as sharp as a razor & steel knuckles that aren’t afraid to fight back, he failed to manage his wrath whenever he was present.

he was aware of his host & other alts and he wanted to do everything he could to be the most superior alt, often engaging in conflicts with them in jin’s mind even when he was not controlling his body. he managed to consume a couple of minor alts.

he’s not your typical murderous alt you know in media. no, he was never violent just because and he was never aggressive when unprovoked. as i said, he was there to fight back for jin, who was too afraid to do it himself.

thunderstorms. static noise. heavy eyeliner. danger. sore knuckles. bruised skin. jumping out of a plane. taking risks. cats. glares. autumn.

the night of doom: jeaki didn’t have the time to change from jiu’s ridiculous clothes. he needed to go out & get some fresh air. he was angry. mina yelled at jin because of a bad grade, not knowing that he, jeaki, took that test insted of jinnie. jeaki was the one feeling worthless so he needed to go out & cool down. but when his anger management issues combined with a street thug calling him out on his ( jiu’s ) fashion choices & using slurs ( reminding him of his days back at the bar in ilsen ), he could only see red. he started a fight without the intention to end a life, but that’s what happened.

TRANSITION:

jinyong came back to his senses in the middle of the street with dirt & blood on his knuckles & face, beaten, but without a sign of the other’s body anywhere around him. he had no memory of what had happened, but he was having a panic attack & didn’t trust his adoptive parents enough to ask for help.

not long after that jinyong was tracked down & supposed to be charged for murder but a psychiatrist managed to prove that jin had dissociative identity disorder, so they placed him in a mental hospital.

alone, terrified & clueless of jeaki’s deed, jin cried his eyes out in his room in the hospital, until everything around him started pixelating.

SHIN DEIJI:

present day. no, there was not an epic war between alts & their host in order to determine who’d be the cured version of him in this world. it was peaceful. fragments of jin, jiu & jeaki merged in order to form a boy who thoroughly knows himself, but doesn’t know how he’ll react to anything. the voices from his head are gone ------ they all speak at the same time when he opens his mouth.

seeing how he’s the perfect harmony of the three boys that used to live in his body, he couldn’t choose one of their names. he also didn’t want to be associated with anything from his past. that’s when he adopted the name shin deiji, deiji meaning daisy, his mother’s favourite flower. he might introduce himself to you as daisy rather than deiji if you don’t speak korean.

depending on what kind of person you are, you will be shown an appropriate side of deiji’s personality. so, when a couple of different people sit down and start talking about deiji, they might realise that it sounds as if they’re talking about different individuals.

he doesn’t trust people easily. he’d rather die than let anyone lay a poisonous hand on him again. he sticks up for himself. he’s his own protector and best friend. he’ll play you before you even think about playing him.

him not trusting people doesn’t mean he doesn’t engage in various interactions with them. he loves to charm his way into people’s lives because he’s no longer scared that he’ll blackout & do something that he won’t remember afterwards. something that he won’t be fully aware of & unable to control.

hooo, boy. he’s so angry. if you’re rude to him, he’ll be twice as rude to you. always wants to one up others. always. if you’re playing a game ?? he will lie & cheat & do everything to win. then lie about lying & cheating. if he still loses, expect a hissy fit.

god. affection. give this boy affection. would 11/10 die if someone cuddled him. especially when he’s being Extra with his raging, burning anger. he’d just ... melt tf away.

loves to party ?? he doesn’t have to take his medication anymore, but that doesn’t mean that he’s going to drink and get high every chance he gets. get those nasty substances away from him. they took his mother away.

he’s forgiven his mother for every single bad word she directed towards him bc he knows what it’s like battling a mental illness. he’d give anything for a chance to see her again & tell her that he loves her.

nanotechnology is still the love of his life & he’s still such a nerd and wants to know what tf is up with this virtual world & figure out how it works but like ... he’s a scared bambi that fears that he’ll get sent back to his own personal hell if he tries to figure out what’s going on.

so rly what he’s focusing on rn is becoming an actor because he has all these FEELINGS that need to be expressed without having a poor individual who’d be hit by that tidal wave. he rly wants to act, he thinks that will help him a lot. the idea of finding roles that would fit each of the personalities he previously consumed makes him all giddy.

pansexual & rly just a sexual person afaf.

so ... basically what i’m giving you here is a screaming nerd who loves to flirt. ok. should’ve only written that. rip.

if you’re still confused: he no longer has mpd. call him deiji/daisy. don’t yell at him. unless you want bad shit to happen ??

if you’ve read all of this, you’re my new best friend & i love you more than anything glrwbgowgo. come plot with me !!

#virtualintro #this is a Mess ..#tw: mental illness #tw: abuse #tw: death

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famedroleplayarchive · 3 years

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LEE JONGHO, better known as LJ, is the MAKNAE, MAIN DANCER, AND VOCAL of DECIPHER under BC ENTERTAINMENT. He was born on OCTOBER 31, 1993. He looks a little like SOLOIST LEE HOSEOK (WONHO).

CHARACTER INFORMATION

faceclaim: lee hoseok (wonho), soloist

legal name: lee jongho

stage name: LJ

pronouns: he/him

birth date: october 31st, 1993

hometown: seoul, south korea

position: maknae, main dancer, vocal of decipher

claims: - hit the stage season 1 - supporting role in the webdrama ‘wednesday 3:30′ as yang taekyung, may 31st - june 14th, 2017 - supporting role in ‘my id is gangnam beauty’ as seo yoojin, july 27th - september 18th, 2018 - lead role in ‘18 again’ as (young) hong daeyoung / go wooyoung, september 21st - november 10th, 2020

BIOGRAPHY

triggers: domestic violence, infidelity, depression, anxiety, self hate, body shaming, toxic relationships.

violence is something that was introduced to jongho at a very young age. his parents, while they never laid a hand on him other than to give him a hug, didn’t extend the same courtesy unto each other. despite claiming to be in love with one another, their spats and arguments were lethal around the lee household. one of jongho’s earliest memories was sitting in the middle of the living room floor, surrounded by his toys with his younger sibling in their playpen just a few feet away from him. he was just in the process of dangling one of his teddy bears over his sibling’s head when he heard the sound of breaking glass and two voices shouting at each other. there was a loud thump and the a yelp before the arguing got even louder, to the point of his sibling breaking out into tears.

up until that point he had been too scared and stunned into silence to do anything, but the sound of his sibling crying made him move into action. as quick as his little five year old legs could move, he was hoisting himself up and into their playpen, laying down next to them and wrapping a protective arm around them, as if he could protect them from the yelling going on in the next room. that was a position that they would find themselves taking several times over the next few years.

to those on the outside looking in, the lee family was admired and respected. coming from a long line of money dating back several generations on both sides, jongho’s parents didn’t marry each other for love. despite it being the modern age, the two of them were betrothed to one another by their two families from a young age. in order to keep their wealth and help it grow, their families, who have been friendly for several generations, decided that the two of them would be the perfect couple to continue on their legacy. unfortunately the two of them didn’t get along, and never learned how to despite having three children with one another. the third and final child came when jongho was eight years old, and by then, even at his young age, he had accepted that was just how relationships were. couples fought and argued, and sometimes things would get aggressive and violent. that was just how things were.

having seeing how his parents treated one another over the years definitely had some kind of harsh effect on him. he hated arguments of any kind, between his parents or anyone else, and would always act as a buffer for people who were going back and forth with one another. he hated seeing people fight, it filled him with that dreadful, anxious feeling that he had whenever his parents got into fights. his home life was a constant source of stress for him.

he loved his parents more than anything, but they never seemed to understand that their behavior was having a negative effect not only on him, but on his younger siblings as well. it had gotten to the point where he tried to stay away from home for as long as possible. he would leave for school early in the morning, hang out with friends afterwards, do his homework at a cafe and sit around in the cafe until they either closed or until an employee or a manager kicked him out, then he would finally go home.

it was around the age of eleven that he found something that could occupy his time; dancing. at first the dance classes he signed up for was just an excuse to not be at home. three hours after school everyday and three hours on saturdays? it was almost too good to be true. but it wasn’t until a few months into it that he realized that he actually liked dancing. like really, really liked dancing. and he was a natural at it too. he liked dancing because not only was it fun to do, but it got him the praise and attention he didn’t feel like he got much of back at home. with his father working most of the time and his mother either out with the other wealthy mothers or drowning her sorrows in glasses of wine during the day, that validation that most children needed was left unattended to.

he was just thirteen years old when he decided that he wanted to audition for bc entertainment. his decision was all thanks to an idol group that he’d seen promoting early one morning on a music show, and he was enamored from the moment they stepped on the stage. they looked so cool and confident, but most of all, they were loved. people loved them, they cheered for them and chanted their names. jongho wanted that so badly, he would have done anything to have it. it didn’t take much convincing from his parents to let him audition. his father was too busy to really care, and his mother.. well, she was too drunk to really notice that he was gone for most of the day, so she definitely wouldn’t care that much.

his dancing was his saving grace during his audition. they offered him a position as a trainee, which he happily accepted and afterwards his parents signed all the paperwork to seal the deal. training was, for lack of a better word, intense. and it wasn’t the dancing part of it, no, jongho had long since gotten used to how tiring and physically demanding dancing could be. no, it was the singing aspect of it all. jongho didn’t have a natural singing voice. he never sang before in his life, and he had a bad ear for music. most of the year spent and a half he spent training was dedicated to helping him find his voice and develop an ear for music and singing. by the time he debuted with decipher, he was still lacking in the vocal department, but the others shined, especially the vocal line, enough to help pick up where he slacked off.

being apart of decipher was everything he could have hoped for. after years of being the one who had to take care of his younger siblings, he was finally the younger sibling that was being taken care of. he enjoyed being the baby of the group, relishing in his status as the maknae and using it to his full advantage whenever the opportunity arose. even though he got a little bit of flack for his vocals, people merely just wrote it off as him being so young. and eventually, he did get better and better until he was more on par with his group members vocally.

it was around 2010 that things started to change again. he began dating a girl, someone from another idol group that was of average popularity. things were great in the beginning, until she started to change. she began to get more and more irritable with him, and more mean as well. she would openly look at other guys and tell him how she wished he looked more like them, how she wished he was more manly, like them. obviously it was a blow to his self esteem. the fact that his own girlfriend was telling him that she preferred how other guys looked was something that continuously nagged at him for weeks and months on end until he decided to do something about. he began working out more, building up more definition on his body. but that wasn’t enough for her, it seemed, because after their third year anniversary, the day after actually, she ended up dumping him.

his second relationship was just as bad, if not worse, as his first. it was rather short lived compared to the first, his time with the second girl only lasting just about a year and a half. this girl was more aggressive than his previous girlfriend. she reminded him of his mother and father and how they used to get into spats with one another. despite his physical appearance, jongho had never been a violent or aggressive person, especially towards people smaller than him, so he just took whatever she flung at him, accepting it because that was how he thought relationships were supposed to be.

the ending of that relationship brought about a new year as well. it was 2017, and decipher were more or less on a hiatus. jongho took that as his opportunity to expand his horizons. music was fun for him, but being a soloist was never something he wanted. he wasn’t that great of a singer, not good enough to be solo that is, and he liked performing with his group members. he didn’t want to experience being onstage without them. he set his sights on something he had never considered before - acting.

he started out small and simple; a supporting role in a web drama. since the web drama didn’t get too much traction, he didn’t really hear any feedback from the public, but he enjoyed it quite a lot. more than he thought he would, which prompted him to try to do it more and more. he went out for another role, this time in an actual drama. and this time, the drama actually did get a bit of traction.

he didn’t get the best reviews, that was for sure. while not necessarily ripping his acting to shreds, they did give him heavy criticisms, which jongho took to heart. he hated being judged harshly and not making people proud. it was almost enough to make him quit acting altogether. almost. while jongho was sensitive, he was stubborn as hell. he wanted to prove to people that he could do it. he could be a good actor. he could make them proud.

so from the end of 2018 and all through 2019, he took acting classes. in between comebacks and schedules for decipher, he squeezed in acting classes, trying to better his skills before he stepped into the world of acting once again.

in 2020, he took on another acting role, this time a lead role. and, much to his surprise and happiness, he actually received positive feedback. something that excited him to no end. just like his hard work as a trainee paid off, his hard work as an aspiring actor paid off as well. he wasn’t perfect by any means, not in the slightest, and he knew he still had a lot to improve upon, but it was a start, and everyone had to start somewhere, right?

#fmdfollow #bcentertainment #decipher #decipherv #champion

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