#atp im just waiting for someone do the small push i need to jump off

[queenmouseyy]

update abt my life eeeeeeeeeeeeeee

TW/CW: suicide/ s/h, overdose!!!!

currently needing to go emergency therapist, having constant paranoia that apparently is turning into panic syndrome, heart is always going a bit faster (went thoguht blood pressure machine thing we have here to check), struggling staying clean from s/h for more then 3 days, attempted to end life by overdose, need to have parents give my meds by hand bc I may just overdose myself any moment again, struggling knowing what was dream, made-up and reality, having alot of nightmares where i get tortured and said I deserve to die

the only thing that is keeping me sane is my comfort ocs atp bc im just truly in pain. Doesnt matter what I do I fel I have blood in my hands and I can't take it off, everytime I try to clean it it gets worse and worse, Im in fear smth happens every second and I know if it does happen my mom gonna deal with it legally but it still scary. Im just praying it gets better any soon

#mousey talk #vent #may try go visit friend this month #everytime i visit them i get vv happy #or try go shopping with them #i wanna try go out more or smth #hhhhh #my lfie been so diff #hopefully it gets better soon #idk when was the last time i was this bad #idk if I ever was this bad #like even after I got grommed I reacted way better then THIS #atp im just waiting for someone do the small push i need to jump off