#athiests will always dismiss and doubt me but this shit makes my brain go fucking nuts bc of how it all just *happened*

[snekdood]

being spiritual while also being mentally ill is really stressful, and you cant like talk to someone whos athiest bc they'll just call you crazy and you cant talk to a neuroptyical spiritual person bc usually they're more comservative than you and they think for some reason their connection to their beliefs/religion/gods/whatever is more normal than yours. someone else said this that i didnt think wanted ppl to rb but its like. how do you know if you're not just like seers of yore who saw "visions" relevant to your spirituality or if you're just someone hallucinating?? at what point is the boundary made between how we communicate with our gods or spirits and who can and cant communicate with them? at what point do we decide to distrust the voice in our head we've been assinging to this entity? does he only speak to us in simple, formal phrases? is that more normal than me wanting to talk with him like a friend? do i pretend im not hearing and seeing the things i am bc its different to people? do i just assume im insane and im just going insane? what if its all real, what if its all fake, and how tf am i supposed to find out? how am i supposed to navigate everything thats happend and everything thats been happening and all of these *coincidences* in a "normal" way when nothing im seeing seems to be normal, but obviously trying to talk to anyone about this feels impossible. it just feels like people will always use the fact that im mentally ill to dismiss me and my connection to my beliefs but then its weird to me when its other spiritual or religious ppl dismissing me bc how can they say they're more normal about it anyways, like babe either way athiests think we're crazy lol, shunning me wont change that.

#ig ill post this whatever #clearly ive stopped trying to pretend everything is fine and normal so idc anymore anyways. im tired #mood #anyways shivas hilarious #whether its real shiva or me being *crazyyy* is whatever to me #i mean our gods are all within us anyways. why tf cant i talk to him like my friend? why tf should i assume its not him? #its like ita gott be either or- either no one can cmunicate w their gods even though they're within you bc thats 'strange' and 'something a #mentally ill person would do' or we CAN communicate w our gods and i have no idea why my communication would be any less legit #like guys im melting over here about the things going on and how VIBRANTLY he seems to be communicating w me #and HAS BEEN. for a LONG TIME it seems. even before i knew literally ANYTHING ABOUT HIM #how tf does all of this happen and then im supposed to pretend its not real? #athiests will always dismiss and doubt me but this shit makes my brain go fucking nuts bc of how it all just *happened* #idk. i just wanna know why #why i get these visions and get to be a 'seer' of sorts and then live in a world thathat treats me like im crazy #'shamans' can travel through the otherworld but i cant be a seer clearly bc of x reason #some priests apparently have a direct link to god but no average person can ig and especially not a dirty goth heathen like me #i just want to talk to someone who wont judge me for it all. #i have thoth as an egyptian sign. i have the magician as a card that represents me. i have a jaguar day sign which apparently makes me more #likely to be a wizard or whatever. i have libra moon in both of my charts which symbolizes balance to me #it just seems like im being told that im some sort of Magic Man who can see shit #at what point is it real and at what point is it fake #at what point am i reading into things when everything thats happened happened naturally #i just feel like im going insane but it all seems to real and then when i doubt it something else pops up to prove to me its real #and i keep doubting myself only bc of how other people would see me if i embraced everything #but i dont think shivas gonna let me doubt myself outta this one boys lol #anyways imma crawl back into my hole and hope i rot and die knowing i cant bc id just be reincarnated anyways w the same issues #or get a stern lecturing after death about how i shouldnt deny my 'gifts' just bc of other ppl lol #idk but the scavengers are gonna love picking this piece of meat off my body so have at it w your screenshots you empathy lacking freaks