#anyways soecies dysphoria and school stress and kinsidering is getting to me so here's this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

n3onstarss · 1 year

Text

From Eden

Relationship: Raphael x Otherkin!Reader

Romantic or Platonic?: Romantic

Reader type: I'm projecting okay?, shut up.

Potential TW for species dysphoria? might as well bring it up for anybody who needs it! ♡

It was relaxing, peaceful almost. My giant mutant turtle boyfriend and I laid sprawled on our bed in our apartment. My back to the headboard and his head in my lap. It was late at night, rain pittering weakly against the window and roof, reflecting the dim glow of the moon and the bright city lights around the room. We were both on our phones, 'parallel play' as I called it and 'together alone time' as he did.

One earbud sat within my too-human ear at the moment, playing my favorite Hozier album (Hozier (Deluxe Edition) 2014) while a drone filmed scenic video was playing in the upper right hand corner of my screen. The rest of the screen was occupied by whatever website I was on at the moment to help with the feeling or distract me from it. Meditation instructions, animal or movie facts about my kintypes, even Tumblr possessed the space from time to time.

After what felt like days but was only about two hours i let out a defeated groan before finally dropping my phone to the side, resting my head against the wall behind me and putting my spine in a weird position when it molded around the headboard. my body feels too human, i need to go swim or sprint or just.. fuck, i don't know!

At the disturbance of the peace Raph raises his head from my lap, moving to rest his weight on one elbow and pause his music with the other.

"You good dear?" The concern in his voice only makes it worse as i sink into what i wish was a graceful puddle, but was really a mess of limbs.

".. Yeah, all good!" I respond hesitantly, a thumbs up emerging from the tangle before deflating again.

"You're a damn awful liar, love. What's wrong?"

His large hands gently cup my face as he looms over me. It would seem intimidating to anybody else, a giant, spiky, mutant turtle looming over you like the grim reaper, but his gentle words and touch were actually gonna make me cry.

"Oughhhh.... dysphoria." I finally spit out the word, sinking further down. I don't notice the confusion on Raph's face, but I don't need to when he speaks again.

"What kind?"

He sits up some, forcing him to move his hands so he doesn't squish me to death. I gladly take the opportunity to cover my face with my forearms and squeeze my eyes closed. asking for help was always deemed pathetic to me, either through action or words. this feels stupid. too vulnerable. vulnerability gets you killed out there. but.. we're not out there. i never will be. not in the way i need to deep in my soul.

".. species."

"Eugh. that one's the worst, huh?"

a muffled 'mhm' was the most i could manage. Everything felt wrong and i didn't wanna bring Raph into this. this isn't his problem, it's mine.

I don't get much of a choice though before he stands and scoops me up in a bridal style carry. I groan in protest and before i can say a word he's unceremoniously dropped me on the couch and moved to the TV.

I take a moment to get myself together some. Between the exhaustion and species dysphoria and the literally being dropped on a couch from, like, at least 2 feet up, I'm still a mess. Gods i need a fucking Tylenol-

"What are ya up to, genius?" I finally ask, both wanting to know what he's doing and poking the bear at the same time.

"Well, genius, if you must know-" "god you sound like Donnie right now, where's my boyfriend?" "- I'm turning on Rio and making us popcorn and sodas."

I'm kinda shell shocked by that. for, i think, at least 3 reasons. 1, That's actually super sweet what the fuck- 2, I'm not being told to suck it up? weird. and 3, he remembers my comfort movies.

I start to cry a little at that. for once, vulnerability isn't a death sentence. I'm safe with him.

I accidentally let a little tearful hiccup slip and he turns around to see what's up. Now I know for a fact I'm an ugly crier, but the ways his eyes soften when he notices and the way he stops to check breaks my heart even more, in the best possible ways.

"You okay dear? We don't have to do movies if you're not up for it. We can go to bed or cook or I can leave if that's what you need."

almost immediately i latch onto the hand that has unknowingly settled to cup my face, my head gives a little shake and for a second we know each other so well it's like we read minds or something.

"Okay, not leaving. it's okay love, you're good."

It isn't long before my tears slow and he gets up calmly. i appreciate him trying not to spook me, but after the too much of being vulnerable i want normalcy. In an instant I'm up and helping set up, padding silently on my toes into the kitchen and gathering the popcorn bucket from Christmas and the sodas. The popcorn isn't that old anyways, Draxum gifted some to everyone pretty late. He actually forgot until Splints got onto him for Mikey's sake.

Anyways, i reentered the living room with the bucket under my arm and a can in each hand. The commercials were still playing and making me feel old. apparently that was affecting us both as i watched Raph cringe when certain commercials came on. Even whispering a 'I saw that in theaters!' once or twice while I set everything down.

The movie finally begins to play as we snuggle into the other, molding nicely to each other and settling in. What is Love begins to play and I think back to all the times I've made poor Raph dance with me to it. While cooking dinner a week or two ago, at a party when it came on and i totally didn't request it, during the movie itself after we finally got together almost a year ago now. Apparently he catches me lost in thought.

"You okay?"

"Never better"

"I was joking when I said you sounded like Donnie earlier, by the way."

"I know, love, don't worry bout it"

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