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magioftheseas · 5 years

Text

It’s Such A Waste

KamuKoma Week Day 1: childhood lovers / soulmates

alt: hope / despair

Summary: Kamukura Izuru doesn't feel anything except resentment for everything and everyone else. Such resentment is kindled while his feelings for that wayward childhood friend of his remain. Predictably, this is a dire descent.

Rating: T

Warnings: Mentions of violence but nothing graphically described. Also some unhealthy behavior.

Notes: First fic for the new KamuKoma Week this year! And we’re starting off with a...weird one. It’s not like a certain fic from last year, but uh, considering the prompts, it *is* in a similar vein, huh. I wanted to write a “descent into despair” fic for this kind of AU, basically, and my mind was all over the place. I feel like you can tell. Well. Please enjoy anyway. :>

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

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“Kamukura-senpai, was it?”

Her smile is bright and cheerful, twisted like a carnivorous plant. Like any other predator, she flashes her teeth.

“I’ve heard about you,” she says, humming. “Quite the lone wolf, eh?”

“Why is this your concern?” His own gaze narrows. “There is no reason for our pathways to intersect, as we are of different classes and grades. And yet, here you are. Your regard is not one driven by mere curiosity, it seems.”

Her lips part.

“Ooh. Is that your talent?”

“You know the answer and yet you ask to be cheeky. How boring.” I can already see through this girl’s saccharine farce. “I implore once again. Why are you so concerned with my existence? Is there a role you wish for me to play? A means in which I can be useful to you? I am not interested either way. You are obvious. Transparent. Blatant. A simpleton. You are boring.”

Her smile twitches, just the slightest bit.

“Wow,” she sighs, inhaling. “You’re one fucking guy.”

She skips forward, placing her well-manicured hands on his chest.

“I think we’ll get along just swimmingly, senpai. After all, I think we’re pretty similar.” Her expression softens. “If there’s anyone who understands me, then surely it’s you, Ultimate Analyst, Kamukura Izuru-senpai.”

...

Huh.

He has always known that he was particularly gifted for a child. He was always told as much, always expected of as much. He supposes that someone as himself was destined to never live a normal life from the start. When one is beloved by talent, those who lack it are attracted like ticks to cattle.

He has grown used to and weary of such inevitabilities. Even those extraordinary in one regard are predictable and expectably needy and clingy. People are all the same when it comes to what they want but do not have.

Parasitic. But predictable. And boring. So very, very boring. He has no need for such neediness. It is sickening.

His childhood friend is already such a dire case.

“Ah! Everyone’s so bright! It’s beautiful...!”

His worthless, useless childhood friend who coos over their class pictures like a starving dog over scraps of meat.

“They all look so happy, they’re shining... So, so beautiful... Isn’t it wonderful that everyone’s getting along so wonderfully?” he murmurs, marveling. “Aha... Hahaha... It’s just a shame that your face is dour as always, Izuru-kun.”

“I do not see why our class excites you so,” Kamukura replied drearily. “They are all the same. Wretched and clingy. If it were not for the Class Rep, they would be utterly directionless. And...”

They are not kind to you.

“Doesn’t that just make the Class Rep even better?” his childhood friend asks, eyes wide. “Oh, Izuru-kun, you really should be more open to her. You likely won’t regret it.”

“Boring. So boring.” Kamukura’s gaze flickers to one where the entire class is posing and grinning. All of them save for two. Himself, as he was the one to take the picture. And save for his childhood friend, who had been out sick. This picture is their teacher’s favorite. “I could not be less interested, especially in regards to someone so narrow-minded.”

“Spoken like a shallow cynic,” the other sighs. “Izuru-kun, for a symbol of hope, despite being so incredible and splendid in your own right, you really are disappointing...”

There is nothing to say to that.

“Is there really nothing at Hope’s Peak that peaks your interest?”

There was still nothing to say.

“Ahhh. You might just be hopeless, then. How sad. That’s so horrible... Izuru-kun...”

Is it really hopelessness? Is it really horrible? Is it really—?

“Nagito.” It does not matter. He does not care. Not about any of that. “How are you feeling?”

He places his hand over Nagito’s flushed forehead, noting how his childhood friend’s wretched, wan cheeks darken from a rising blush.

“You are still feverish. I see.”

Nagito coughs so much that his eyes are watery. He manages to regain himself after Kamukura rubs his back.

“Aha. Hahaha. It’s not like it really matters. I’m still suspended,” he says, smile twisted. “Izuru-kun, seriously. Your school life is going to waste the longer you bother with me. Sensei wouldn’t like that.”

You always say such things. As if such matters concerned me at all. They do not.

All these years and you still don’t understand, Nagito?

“Boring. So boring. I have nothing better to do than tend to you, Nagito.”

“Aw, that’s definitely not true... Flatterer...” Nagito’s giggle is wheezy, painful, and anything but endearing. “You should be leading the world’s future with everyone else, Izuru-kun. You should be generating the Ultimate Hope.”

“Boring. So boring.”

He thinks about how easy it would be to twist his childhood friend’s thin, delicate neck where there had once been scars from rope.

This person who talks of the future is someone who draws closer and closer to death, both willingly and inevitably.

“It’s booooooring, isn’t it?”

“...”

“Upupupupu. Senpai, despite that stoicism, you’re actually pretty easy to read, too.”

“...”

“You hate it, don’t you? This world. This place. That’s why you can’t even be bothered to perk up a little. You’re so gloomy. It’s so sad. So...despairing!”

“...”

“Senpai, we’re the same, aren’t we?”

“...”

Her arms lock around his own, and she presses up close.

“Aren’t we?”

“It really is a shame.”

“Such a tragedy.”

“What a waste.”

“What a horrible thing to happen.”

“It’s unfortunate. But...”

“...what’s going to be done about the child? Komaeda-san and his wife don’t have any relatives, do they?”

The chattering was obnoxious, especially when done in pseudo quiet whispers. The only one truly quiet because they truly did not want to be heard was Komaeda Nagito, sobbing softly behind the building.

He doesn’t even notice when he’s being approached. He’s curled into a ball. He’s trembling. He’s crying after hours of blankly nodding and acknowledging every adult who attended the funeral. He does stir when poked in the shoulder, but tears continue to spill over as his breath hitches.

“I...I... Izuru-kun...”

His face is frankly disgusting. Swollen and leaking from every orifice save for those reddened ears. The red-brown strands are stuck to his skin, damp from various fluids. It’s disgusting.

He sits beside him, staring up at him. Nagito’s disgusting face buries itself in his shoulder.

“I-I’m sorry... I-I’m so...sorry...”

Without really thinking, his fingers run through those red-brown strands. The ones that are dry are also soft to the touch. It’s not unpleasant, unlike everything else.

“Izuru-kun... U-Uu... S-Sorry...”

“It is fine.”

His parents had them interact in order to impress Nagito’s parents. Now, to continue interacting was utterly unnecessary.

And yet, he had no desire to be anywhere else besides the side of this person who clearly, truly needed him. Not for any particular reason than for the general, instinctual desire for companionship.

“It’s fine, Nagito.”

“It’s so boooooring,” she sighs. “And exhausting. Watching a bunch of needy self-serving fucks tail each other. It really makes me so sick that I could just throooow up!”

She’s pressing into his side. She reeks of sickeningly sweet strawberries. He inwardly thinks of Nagito, who just smelled of sterile hospital rooms and soap. These two are nothing alike. It goes without saying that Nagito’s presence is preferred.

But.

Nagito would not cling to him like this. Not anymore. Not when he’s been deemed a disappointment.

“Don’t you wanna see it burn to the ground?” she asks. “Wouldn’t it be way fucking better if everything just burned to the fucking ground?”

“...mm...”

He thinks of how Nagito’s eyes had sparkled when they gazed upon this school for the first time. How his pale hands tightly gripped his acceptance letter. How his knees quaked and bucked.

Nagito had not always cared so much about talent. This wretched place ruined him. So, perhaps.

“Perhaps that would be better,” he murmured. “If it was just reduced to ash.”

It would not make much of a difference, that said. Hope’s Peak Academy was emblematic of the world’s follies and frivolities, but it was merely the refined product. Burning the campus to the ground would not dissipate the poison already sunken into the earth.

But it would be damn satisfying.

Wouldn’t it.

Especially with how this school had affected his Nagito and warped him for the worst.

Her smile is a knowing one. He does not return it.

She gives him another knowing smile when he sees her latched onto a certain Tsumiki Mikan’s arm in passing. He does not return that, either.

“Has Junko been harassing you?”

He twitches, but his expression remains unchanged.

“It is but a minor trifle, Matsuda Yasuke.”

Matsuda’s look darkens, but he shrugs his shoulders over it.

“If you say so. But don’t let her hear you say that.”

“It does not matter. Nothing she does will ever matter to me, Matsuda Yasuke.”

“Sure, sure.” He waves his hand. “But you have been in a worse fucking mood lately. More agitated. You’re usually somewhat complacent so what the hell’s your problem?”

“...nothing. Nothing at all.”

Matsuda, predictably, looks unimpressed.

“Sure. Nothing. Komaeda’s suspension is going to end pretty soon, huh?”

“Yes. It is.”

“Tell him to come visit me right away, will you? Dumbass still doesn’t have a cell phone, so...”

“I will. Of course. You are his doctor, after all.” He speaks the words lowly. “So of course. I will.”

Matsuda snorted, averting his gaze back to the open manga in his hand.

“No need to be such a bitch about it. I swear.” A pause. “You really, really should stay away from Junko. With how irritable you’ve been? She’ll get under your skin big time.”

“...”

“But, you know.” Matsuda flips the page. “She’s actually told me about how you more or less let her chat your fucking ear off. That’s curious.” He shuts the book. “Stay the hell away from her. For your own sake.”

“...” Kamukura tilts his head. “What an odd thing to say about your childhood friend.”

“I mean it,” he hissed. “It’d be a pain in the fucking ass if you got caught up in one of her schemes. If not for yourself, don’t get involved in something dumb for Komaeda’s sake.”

He does not dislike Matsuda Yasuke, not truly. Of all other elite students, himself excluded, he is one of the very few who tolerates and even indulgences Nagito’s rambles. Nagito especially adores Matsuda Yasuke, even compared to his adoration for all elite students. He does not dislike him, for that. He understands the kind of person Matsuda Yasuke is, and on some level, he does appreciate it.

Matsuda Yasuke is not the type to bring up sentimental matters lightly. He knows this. That said.

That said.

“She is not wrong about every little thing she says,” Kamukura finds himself saying. “Not when it comes to Hope’s Peak.”

You are not spared from any of that, kind as you may be. You’re complacent.

You have no right to talk about what’s best for Nagito when you’re complacent.

“Kamukura,” Matsuda responds warningly. “Look, I’m serious...”

“You bore me. I have no interest in furthering this conversation.”

“Urgh.” Matsuda rolled his eyes. “Fine. But don’t say I didn’t fucking warn you.”

From someone like you, I really don’t need to hear it.

Truth be told, he’s never much cared for Hope’s Peak from the start.

Perhaps that’s privileged of him. But it was how he felt. It had always been how he felt.

Especially back then. And especially when ‘back then’ had to change because of it.

“Kamukura Izuru-kun, was it? That’s a pretty interesting name. How do you spell it?”

“Is there something you want?”

“Testy, testy.” The man smiles wryly, tugging down his hat. “I’ve heard things about you. So I decided to size you up for myself. Nothing wrong with that, riiiight?”

Of course, he had already known who this person was. Everyone did. To be approached was an experience most could only dream of. He is aware of the fact that his classmates both admire and resent him, and this will only fester those feelings further.

But it’s not those menial nobodies he’s concerned about.

“Hm. You seem to have a lot on your mind, kid,” the man hummed.

“You seem slightly buzzed,” Kamukura retorted. “Your collar is wrinkled, there are stains on your shirt that you have poorly hidden behind your jacket, your face is not consistently shaven. You keep tugging down your hat because you are nervous, even though your smile is so plastered that you must have been in this situation several times over already. Are you really a representative of Hope’s Peak Academy...? It seems the school is more stressful than paradisiacal if you’re any indication. Kizakura-san, was it?”

“Yep.” Kizakura’s grin widened as he held up a hand. “That’s me. And no doubt about it, you’re the real deal.”

Real deal. As if talent is something you can fake.

“With all due respect, I have no interest in enrolling,” he said. “My childhood friend is sickly and susceptible. I have no intention of leaving him to the world’s mercy.”

Nagito suffers enough as it is. But... Once he hears about this...

“I would like for you to report that I am not what you had assumed, that you were disappointed,” he said, lowly so that no one else would hear. “I am not a desirable addition. Something along those lines.”

Kizakura’s grin twisted.

“You don’t want your friend to feel guilty, eh? Remarkably loyal kid, I see.” With that, he pulls out his card. “I can respect that. But, you really do have a place at Hope’s Peak. There’s no one quite like you, Kamukura-kun.”

Adults say that all the time. What boring, worthless words.

“Besides,” Kizakura adds cheekily. “Who knows? That friend of yours might be the winner of the lottery.”

Kamukura takes the card to be polite, nodding and saying nothing more. Even with those words, he had full intention of throwing it away once out of sight.

“Izuru-kun!”

Of course, once he had the opportunity, it was as if the other had been summoned.

“Nagito.”

He hides the card expertly, in such a way that even Nagito wouldn’t notice. Nagito, who was flushed with sparkling eyes. Against his paling hair, such features stood out even more.

“I-I heard you were approached by a scout for Hope’s Peak!” he burst out. “Is that really true?”

“It is. But I may not be accepted, Nagito.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Nagito takes his hands and squeezes them tightly. “Someone as amazing as you? You belong there, Izuru-kun!”

I would rather be by your side above all else, Nagito.

He only sighs.

“We shall see. But please do not concern yourself for now, Nagito.” Nagito’s frown deepens, but he squeaks when Kamukura pulls a hand free to ruffle his hair. “You have not overexerted yourself, have you?”

“Izuru-kun, I’m not five...”

“If you collapse again, it will be worrying.”

“You worry too much...”

“You need to take care, Nagito.”

“Uu...”

Yes, regardless of what would happen, he had decided that he would remain by Komaeda Nagito’s side, always.

(And of course, when Nagito showed up on his doorstep, with both an acceptance letter and medical papers in his trembling grip, Kamukura knew his fate was sealed, and after reading through both as Nagito fidgeted anxiously at his table, he resented Hope’s Peak Academy a little more.)

“Yep! It’s pretty damn sickening! How do you think the reserve students keep themselves from rioting, I wonder?”

“...”

The reserve course...are ticks. So I do not care for them. They are not like Nagito.

“That saaaaaid, our fellow student body is so carefree that it’s mind-numbingly boring. Just pass the exams and you’re fiiiine, jeez, how’s that supposed to shape them for the future? It’s just going to make them duller and duller. We need spice! Something like—like a burst!”

“...”

A burst...perhaps that would be more interesting. As it is, there is a precarious, wretched system in place. One that Nagito is swayed by and fixated on. Something so dreary and cold...

He’s so bored by it.

“More than anything, I want to see the Ultimate Hope spring forth,” Nagito would say.

Under these circumstances? Where the strife and struggles of people are muffled and suffocated while the talented few skirt by with little to no effort? And Nagito thinks I’m disappointing?

“Even if you don’t say anything, I know you agree with me,” she says, chortling. “That’s why you agreed to meet me here, right? This is the old main building. Some students still meet up here for club activities. Right now, we’re going to meet a very particular group.”

Kamukura perks, and he can already guess.

“The student council. They do not strike me as the type to be terribly interested in what you have to say.”

“They’re not,” she said. “Which is why we’re going to play with them another way. Muku-nee should be finished setting things up. I definitely want you to see this, senpai.”

Kamukura blinked, and then, he can viscerally feel the chill brought about by the atmosphere and underlying meaning to her words.

“What are you talking about?”

Enoshima Junko spins around on her heel, and the smile on her face is something that cannot be described any more than the gaping maw of the void.

He can’t help but recall that time in middle school that Nagito had been missing. When he asked around, his classmates shrugged. There were mutters about how maybe he ran away—or maybe ran off to die. He called the police, but was shrugged off by them, as well. He wasn’t Nagito’s family, after all, and maybe he just ran away? What did it matter?

He sees Nagito on the news, and he does not hesitate to rush to the hospital he’s being held at. He is not allowed to see him at that point, either. Brushed off. Disregarded.

Worthless.

When Nagito was released, he did not wait a second before taking him into his arms.

“Sorry,” Nagito mumbled, as if embarrassed. “I’m really, really sorry for worrying you, Izuru-kun. But... Look!” He shows him the lottery ticket in his bone-white grip. “I... I-I won, Izuru-kun! Isn’t that amazing?”

“...I am just glad to see you safe and sound. We should go home, Nagito.”

Nagito giggled, clinging to him as they took the train back. He kept smiling and laughing, grinning wildly as he rambled about what happened. No one would have thought much about it, but the way Nagito’s breath sometimes hitched and wheezed...

“Oh, oh, but sometimes they’d watch TV,” Nagito would say, referring to his kidnapper. “I got to see such a wonderful speech given by Headmaster Kirigiri of Hope’s Peak Academy!”

Nagito’s eyes are sparkling.

“...”

“I’m sorry for taking to long to get back to you, though, Izuru-kun,” he added hurriedly. “Um, I wasn’t exactly fed...so I was in pretty bad state when the police finally found me...”

“...”

“I just... I didn’t want you to worry, which was why I headed off on my own...but I really, really, really messed that up, Izuru-kun, I’m sorry...”

“...”

“B-But it wasn’t so bad! I, um... It’s good, actually...” Nagito trailed off. “If you had been with me that day and if you had been kidnapped as well... That would’ve been the worst. I never would want to drag you down, Izuru-kun.”

“Have you been getting rest, Nagito?”

“A-Actually, I’ve been too agitated to sleep well for a while, but...” Nagito yawns. “For some reason, I’m super drowsy now. Maybe it’s because I’m with Izuru-kun.”

“I will let you know when we reach our stop, so it is alright, Nagito.”

“Mm...”

Nagito slumps into his shoulder. His eyelids start to droop. Tenderly, Kamukura strokes his hair. He is paler than before. Frailer than before.

“It is alright, Nagito.”

It was funny. How easily they turned on each other when it started with just one person lashing out. It had been so remarkably easy. So very, very easy.

Enoshima Junko hums as she watches, and he watches as well.

The Ultimates are meant to lead the future, but they’re so easy to misdirect. How pitiful it is. And, yet.

“Pretty entertaining too, am I right?” she asks, grinning widely before gasping. “Oh! Wow! Look at all that blood! Damn, that one was bruuuuutal.”

“How fragile harmony in this world really is,” he murmured. “Well, it is unsurprising.”

And Nagito called them symbols of hope...

He can see how twisted, warped, and wretched these beings tearing each other apart really were. His own lips twist. How deep and effortlessly this display of despair runs.

“Is that excitement, senpai?”

“It is disappointment.”

“So beautiful! So bright! So splendid, so wonderful! You are all just so...”

“Dude just shuuuuut up. No one wants to hear that!”

Nagito’s mouth shuts obediently. With a harsh ‘tch’, their classmate turns away, but he is not the only one who looks upon Nagito with disdain and contempt.

“Komaeda-kun,” their teacher says gently. “The things you say are just a little...”

“Aha. Haha. It’s because I’m trash compared to them. Right, right?”

“Oh, you definitely shouldn’t say that...”

“But isn’t it true?”

“Of course it’s not.”

Kamukura’s eyes narrowed sharply.

“Seriously why does that freak have to be so weird?”

“It’s sooooo creepy!”

“His words are akin to toxic fumes.”

“Komaeda-kun...really is uncomfortable to be around, sometimes...”

“He’s not a bad person, but...”

“He just needs to stay the hell away from us.”

“Sensei. Nidai Nekomaru and Owari Akane are fighting again.”

“Ahhh, I should probably make sure those two don’t wreck anything the gardening club made... This conversation isn’t over, Komaeda-kun!”

“Good luck, sensei.”

She brushes past them, worked up into a huff. He regards her coldly before turning to Nagito. Nagito who seems much more tired than before.

“Aha... Haha, thanks for saving me, Izuru-kun.” He offers a pitiful smile. “Sensei is really kind, isn’t she? But, she...really doesn’t understand...”

“She is willfully ignorant.”

“I wouldn’t go that far...”

“She only speaks to you in regards to how you’re treated. Not the others.”

“Well, it is more my fault, right? I’m so bad at conveying myself... I really am worthless...”

“I understand you fine.” The others are at fault. They are the truly worthless ones. “Right?”

Nagito’s cheeks darken.

“Izuru-kun’s my oldest, dearest, and only friend. That’s for sure.” His smile widens more, but it also strains more. “But, Izuru-kun... Don’t you think you’re too attached to me?”

“...”

“I mean,” he inhales. “Compared to the others, I really am a nobody. You shouldn’t limit yourself to me. Um. I’d just be happy to see you happy, Izuru-kun, even if it’s from afar.”

“...”

“We’re friends. I just want what’s best for you.”

“...”

Time means nothing. It is about effort.

“I only want you, Nagito.”

Nagito sputtered a bit, flustering.

“You really should mature one of these days, Izuru-kun...! You can’t keep saying that!”

What else should I say?

“Mm.”

How compared to you, everyone else is akin to insects and murk? How hope means nothing to me so much as the way you light up at the mention of it? How despair, too, is nothing until I see the way your gaze falls as you’re ostracized by people you love and admire time and time again? Those wretched people who fail to appreciate the incredible gift they’re given with zero effort on their part?

“It remains how I feel, Nagito.”

“Geez...” Nagito frowns. “That’s so troubling. Sensei’s right. You should make other friends.”

“...”

Other people are nothing. I feel nothing.

In the end, there’s not much to feel. These are, for all intents and purposes, complete strangers who are suffering. Is he really supposed to care?

“...boring...so boring...”

“Awww!” Enoshima whines. “You’re leaving already? There’s still a few left to go!”

“I have seen enough of these nobodies.”

“Nobodies?” She blinks, batting her eyelashes. “Oh, my, senpai, you aren’t suggesting...”

“Take from that what you will,” Kamukura said. “Are you going to stop me?”

“Noooope.” She shakes her head. “I’m happy with the amount of attention you’ve given me thus far, senpai. I hope to engage you more and more down the line. This is the start of a beautiful friendship.”

I only need one friend.

“How much despair do you plan to cause, Enoshima Junko?”

“Enough to throw the whole world into chaos, preferably!”

“...”

“My luck works in a very specific pattern, Izuru-kun! Good luck begets bad luck begets good luck begets bad luck begets good luck! So, you really should be more careful around me.”

“Understood. I will be careful.”

“Admittedly, I’m not sure what good luck could balance out the bad luck of losing Izuru-kun, but... You know, Izuru-kun, the more people struggle, the stronger they get...”

“Is that so.”

“I-It is so! What I mean is... You shouldn’t give up regardless of what my bad luck throws at you... You’re an Ultimate, now, so you should be able to overcome any despair and...bring about a bright and shining hope, right?”

“I suppose.”

“Do you understand, Izuru-kun...?”

“Of course I do, Nagito.”

“Good luck with that, I suppose, Enoshima Junko.”

“Aww, thanks!”

With that, he leaves.

There is only one place he can return to.

Because how late in the hour it is, much is obfuscated by darkness, but he knows the code to the door by heart. Even if he did not, he would be able to tell from the buttons that were the most worn under his fingertips. The door is opens. He steps inside, shutting the door behind him and locking it.

Nagito sleeps peacefully, the picture of serenity. Such a contrast to the violent exhibition of before. Nagito sleeps, unknowing and untouched.

He wishes to keep it that way. His childhood friend is one he wants to keep protected. But, above all else...

He wants to keep him close.

So much so that he finds himself crawling into the other’s bed.

“Mmm... Izuru-kun...?”

Nagito stirs from his slumber. He opens his mouth to apologize, but rather than saying the word, he just ends up pressing closer to Nagito’s meager warmth and nuzzles into Nagito’s soft hair.

“W-What...?” Nagito stiffens, but with time, he does relax. His heart is pounding. Kamukura can tell that it’s pounding. “I-Izuru-kun, um... Is something wrong? It’s so late. Why are you here?”

It’s rather ironic, he can’t help but think. I thought of Nagito on death’s doorstep, but it turns out that he is incomparable to a corpse.

“Mm...”

“Izuru-kun?”

Nagito shivers when lips brush against his nape. It’s surprisingly warm. Nagito is warm. He’s especially warm to the touch.

“Izuru-kun...? Did something happen...?”

“It does not matter. Not in the slightest. But allow me to stay here for the night, Nagito.”

“O-Oh. Um... O-Okay...”

Just like this, he can relax with ease. Nagito tense, but he, too, unwinds from careful strokes of his wrists and shoulders.

“Izu...ru-kun...”

“It is alright, Nagito.”

“Hah...”

“It’s fine.”

When Komaeda finally managed to return to class, the reserve course was rioting and he had heard some awful, wretched, despairing whispers.

Komaeda pushes open the door, heart leaping in his throat, and the only one to greet him is...who else.

“Nagito.”

“I-Izuru-kun.” He stiffens and then he swallows. “Where is...everyone else?”

“They are out. I volunteered to stay behind, of course, because I knew you were to return today.”

Something feels...wrong.

“Izuru-kun, I heard murmurs of something strange. Of Ultimates...killing each other? For despair? And also...murmurs of other...things...that this school is doing.” Komaeda hesitates, but his childhood friend only draws closer. “Where is the rest of our class? What could they possibly be out doing under these circumstances?”

“They are out because I had them leave.”

Something feels wrong, but it’s Izuru-kun...right?

“Ah. I suppose we should have you visit Matsuda Yasuke.” His cheeks are cupped. Kamukura Izuru’s hands are gentle and warm as always. His gaze, however, seems strange. The tone may not be perceptively different to the untrained ear, but to Komaeda, who has known him for most of his life at this point... “How inconvenient. But I do think he would be rather busy at this moment.”

“I... I don’t really want to bother Matsuda-kun.” I’m more worried about other things. “Sensei, too? Where is she?”

“Nagito, what would you say marks a true hope?”

Komaeda snapped up at that.

“An absolute good,” he answered immediately. “Something that overcomes any darkness or despair and engulfs the world in a dazzling, blinding light. Something that only grows stronger and blooms more beautifully in the face of adversity.”

“Adversity. So if one is unchallenged, they are not true hope.”

“Pushing forward in spite of obstacles or hindrances is part of being human,” Komaeda found himself murmuring, now self-conscious of the way Izuru’s thumbs traced his cheeks. “I’ve told you all this before. Why do you ask? Is this because of the reserves rioting?”

...rioting because...of ridiculous audacious things that couldn’t possibly be true...right?

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it? Adversity to overcome.” Izuru tugs him forward, letting him see out the window. “Obstacles and hindrances. Let us see how others will persevere. That might be interesting, for the ground beneath the Ultimates to crumble and for them to still crawl out on top over the withering masses.”

“Symbols of hope...would never lose to deception and despair.” Komaeda shivered. “These impertinent beings are but mere stepping stones... They’re also being misled. How miserable...despairing... They could never ever reach hope like this. Not that they were capable from the start...”

“Despair. Hope.” Izuru exhaled. “So boring. But it might be something you want to see, Nagito. And that is all I care for.”

“Izuru-kun...” Komaeda grimaced, and squeezed his eyes shut. “You haven’t...fallen into despair, have you?”

“Nothing about me has changed, Nagito.”

Izuru takes his hand, and he squeezes.

“Nothing at all.”

Trembling, Komaeda squeezes back.

#KamuKoma #izuru kamukura #kamukura izuru #nagito komaeda #komaeda nagito #KamuKomaWeek #Yeah I'll tag it that #Even though I'm not running the week lol #junko enoshima #yasuke matsuda #koichi kizakura #Magi fics

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bellamysgriffin · 7 years

Text

dana watches lucifer (2x11)

yo guys i’m back and i’m vvv happy to be liveblogging again

it feels so weird to be watching without my dad guys he’s driving my sister to oklahoma but usually we watch together

anyway

this clip of chloe saying her speech at the courtroom on the previously on - LIKE I NEED REMINDING

it’s making me emotional and the ep hasn’t even started yet

pls tell me they kiss i want them to so badly

my cat is strangling me with her love rn and i’m.... trying to type

“i hate ketchup” that’s so romantic

ARE YOU KIDDING I HATE MYSELF THEY WERE SO CLOSE

“i’m glad she showed up she kept me from making a big mistake” I’M SUING FOX AND THE WRITERS WHAT THE HELL

trixie is back i missed her

“they’re a wonderfully scrumptious start to your day”

ok now i’m imagining maze and trixie grocery shopping

trixie Knows and ships deckerstar

trixie KNOWS

MAZE I MISSED YOU SO MUCH MY FAVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

i missed that whole scene by squealing abt maze lol

maze craves validation bc she wanted chloe to be happy

aw chloe maze tried so hard don’t tell her that

it’s ok chloe i forgive you

CHARLOTTE no

i’m already mad at her

my tv is glitching so y’all better provide some quality gifs

“it’s about chloe” and then instantly he turns into Protective Boyfriend™

ok charlotte ships deckerstar too and she’s back on the good list

she was nvr really off it i have a weakness for lucifer women

“you don’t have to prove anything to me” that was something very nice said very harshly

“not in a fun way”

“not the slut police and i mean you not her” DAMN I LOVE CHLOE

hmmm that was a good plan while it lasted but

“jana! always with the tragic timing”

oh my god is lucifer a murder suspect again

“maybe she’d still be alive” and already he’s feeling guilty jesus i just want him to be h a p p y

also where is ella i want her on my screen right now

“ditch the loser from lux. that’s terrible, she was seeing someone else from lux?

maze is proud of herself dan leave her alone

my cat is back and ready to prevent the typing

danikeen - is that their brotp name?

ppl need to stop yelling at maze right now ok

i like his white suit a lot

her fun is being with her daughter aww

ok lucifer is actively pursuing a relationship and i - i’m emotional

“she’s spoken for” “haha no i’m not”

this guy is a dog and i hate him

ok i need linda and ella and amenadiel to cleanse my soul from that dick

“you two are a lot alike” how DARE YOU

ANOTHER murder??? things are heating up and i like it

“pretty sure you didn’t sleep with this guy” “actually ur wrong” OH MY GOD IT’S CHRISTMAS

“you’ll need a much bigger notepad”

this parade of lovely women with the song hot pants in the background is my aesthetic

“bit of a dry spell these last few months” ik this is a joke .... but that’s probably bc that’s when he met chloe js

dan don’t you dare things are complicated enough

“the best night of my life” in a bunch of different inflections is possibly the best scene in this show to date

also i love how they included a guy

and his explanations to dan omg this is hilarious

chloe is SO JEALOUS

OH MY GOD I’M SCREAMING AND CRYING

NOT OUT LOUD BUT JUST TRUST ME

ok now lucifer is sad so um.... cue character growth?

oh good more charlotte shipping deckerstar i love it

it’s still so weird that chloe thinks charlotte is lucifers ex

“last thing i need is a step-dan” “you say some really weird things man” i love their dynamic

LINDA

OK I’M GOOD BACK TO COMMENTARY

LINDA

SORRY

also linda and maze in the same scene????. christmas confirmed.

“you want me to stab this friend of yours” ok i love how maze is oblivious but also she’s Ready to Fight for linda and i’m just..... wow that’s beautiful

“that’s human” “i’m a demon” “i actually think ur more human than a lot of ppl i know” what kinda romantic bs is this??? i love it

“ur saying i’m awesome” “i’m saying that u need to say ur awesome”

“yes ur awesome” “hell yeah i am” I LOVE MAZE SO MUCH I’M DEAD

“i can describe her aura” it’s me

“i told you someone cared” i’m laughing lucifer is the best

god i missed this show

i’m gonna save this in my drafts before my computer freezes and erases the whole post again

ok i’m back

OFC CHLOE IS ON THE WALL

ok suki is who i would be if i ever met him i would just scream and shut the door oh my god

“gay best friend for now” i’m laughing

suki is hot it’s true

WHERE IS ELLA THOUGH

“do not leave town” “and abandon lucifer?” god me

AMENADIEL IS BACK

oh i forgot he’s being rude to lucifer

i forgot charlotte was still bad oh myg od

i’m a fake fan i’m sry guys

i still love them both though

if ever there was a time for ella to show up it would be now just saying

ok and she’s not there

lucifer is such a doofus i’m laughing so hard chloe is so scared

i just fast forwarded and there’s like three clones of a guy petting a robot dog and i just -

“i wanna build a cat sanctuary” god is this me

“no one wants to hear about your feline meet cute” that’s wrong i would sell my left kidney to hear about his cat

“i’m in” i love maze i just do i just i could watch her eat bread for three hours

“no. because i’m awesome” I LOVE HOW LINDA SUPPORTED MAZE SO MUCH THAT SHE REALLY CHANGED MAZE’S ATTITUDE I LOVE STRONG FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS

“because self worth comes from within bitches” DO YOU SEE WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT

my cat is back and obscuring my vision hang on a sec

ik that as you read this ur not waiting but i just want you to know that i had to wait for my cat to stop knocking my laptop over

her name is sylvester mcmonkey mcbean anyway

can deckerstar kiss already

amenadiel :’)

i kinda just want their pure brotherly love i don’t like the conspiring behind lucifer’s back

my cat and i compromised

ok i dig this jazzy piano music but for a sec i thought it was gonna be heart and soul and i was gonna die that’s my favorite deckerstar scene ever

maze looks so hot w o w

“if we were strangers you’d be hitting on me” maze is so smart dan you can learn from her

i do like him better now

oh my god i’m laughing so hard

“self worth comes from within dan” i love maze so much she’s trying so hard to help

i’m gonna scream

oh my g o d i love her so much i’m laughing

“you and me? not happening” he looks so hurt i am so sad chloe let him IN

MAZE IS SO HOT WHEN SHE’S MURDERING

aw poor jim

OH MY GOD WE’RE ONE EPISODE IN AND ALREADY LUCIFER HAS A GUN TO HIS HEAD CAN’T WE JUST RELAX FOR A SECOND AND LET HIM BE HAPPY GOD

already chloe is shook and scared bc she loves him so much

now lucifer is intrigued hm and so am i

LUCIFER STANDING UP FOR WOMEN IS MY AESTHETIC I LOVE THESE LITTLE MOMENTS

oh now he’s all “hey man we can work something out”

AW LUCIFER THINKS HE’S A GOOD PERSON

i should have seen where that was going

I JUST WANTED LUCIFER TO LOVE HIMSELF THAT’S ALL I WANTED

i guess we’re not there yet

that was badass tho

i was just thinking that we must have missed something about the package

who are these people

OH NO THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO CHLOE IN THE TRAILER I’M SCREAMING

were we supposed to recognize those things

lucifer is having an ocean contemplation shot is this the bachelor orr

“really” she says not disappointed at all

HONESTLY I’M BITTER RIGHT NOW I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA KEEP GIVING US SLOW BURN BUT LIKE AW

one step forward two steps back i guess

“you deserve someone worthy of you and that’s not me” I’M CRYING THAT’S NOT TRUE BB

“that’s not what i’m saying” “i know that’s what i’m saying” WHY DOES HE LOVE TO SUFFER WHAT THE HELL I’M SAD

LUCIFER THERE IS NO ONE BETTER THAN YOU

oh my god he’s just listing why he loves her

her middle name is jane?? this is cute

“ur special and i’m.... i’m not worth it” OH GOD YES YOU ARE

OBH MNYUIAHGREJKL;

AKJSDLFPOJIA UW0AOW J

WHAT OAIEKLW;’

IJJAIOWEFJO9

THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL

I’M TAKING A PIC AND PUTTING IT ONAERF[

MY WALL I WAS GONNA SAY AND THEN THEY KISSED AGAIN

OWEFIAJKML;

I’M SCREAMING AND HYPERVENTILATING WHAT THE HELL THAT WAS THE MOST ROMANTIC THING I’VE EVER SEEN

IT WAS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL PECK AND THEN SHE LEANS IN AGAIN AND CUT TO TRAILER AND I JUST

ASJFDLKj[wuhiol;nkl

it really is christmas guys :’)

i don’t know what to say i love thioajefkls;d’

YES WE JSUT GOT A DECKERSTAR KISS AND THEN WE GOT LIKE FIVE MORE IN THE TRAILER IT’S CHIRAMTMIOAL;’

i love you guys i love this show i’m signing off and watching the bachelor which is never going to be this romantic :’)

#lucifer #lucifer morningstar #deckerstar #chloe decker #mazikeen #mazikeen smith #trixie decker #dan espinoza #linda martin #linzikeen #amenadiel #charlotte richards #dana watches lucifer #dana watches stuff #lucifer lb

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