#anyway this was a trip I haven't updated something AS I've been writing it since I was maybe in high school

[solarmorrigan]

Hands Where I Can See Them, Part 12 (End!)

Pt 1 | Pt 2 | Pt 3 | Pt 4 | Pt 5 | Pt 6 | Pt 7 | Pt 8 | Pt 9 | Pt 10 | Pt 11 | Ao3

[Warning for brief references to sex; nothing explicit happens]

-

For the first time in a long time, Steve wakes slowly.

His alarm isn’t blaring at him and neither is his brain; it’s quiet, and the room is filled with morning sun, and Steve is warm, and comfortable, and still a little muzzy with the heavy sort of sleep that usually only comes to him when he’s physically exhausted or feeling safe (usually the former).

He blinks at the blurry mess of color that is his wallpaper and tries to remember what day it is, tries to will himself to get up, because he’s sure there’s something he’s supposed to be doing, but it’s hard. He’s so comfortable. He turns his face further into his pillow, pressing in where it’s warm and firm and– breathing.

Steve sits up.

Beside him, Eddie is still asleep, lying sprawled across the mattress with one arm flung half over the side and the other stretched out where it had been curled around Steve’s back before Steve pulled away. There’s a red mark on his chest where Steve’s head had been resting, and he’s sure there’s a corresponding splotch of red on his cheek.

As the sleepy fog finally lifts from his brain, the previous night filters back in, and Steve can’t help the smile that follows. He shifts a little just to feel the pleasurable ache in his muscles, to feel the warmth of the cocoon of sheets around them, to feel the way the mattress dips beneath the weight of a second body, and sighs contentedly.

He’s just considering lying back down when Eddie groans, a drowsy frown pulling at his face.

“Where’d you go?” he asks, eyes still closed (at least, Steve’s sure that’s what he means to ask; it comes out a little more like “Whrd y’go?”, and he’s pleased that his ability to decipher Eddie’s half-awake mumbling hasn’t suffered in its absence of use).

“I didn’t go anywhere, I’m right here,” Steve says, laying his palm over Eddie’s chest and running his thumb along the ridge of his collarbone.

Eddie hums, bringing his hand up from over the edge of the bed to place it over Steve’s. “‘s too early to be awake,” he mutters, a little more coherent this time. “Come back.”

“It’s not even that early. It’s…” Steve ducks and squints a little to bring his alarm clock into focus, everything still a little blurry without his contact lenses in. “Holy shit, it’s past ten.”

“See? Early.” Eddie reaches up with his free hand to pat around for a hold on Steve’s arm so he can tug at him. “Lay back down.”

“I never sleep this late, what the hell,” Steve mutters, and Eddie finally opens his eyes, giving Steve a grin that’s equal parts sleepy and self-satisfied.

“Wore you out, didn’t I?” he asks.

“Oh, yeah, I’m exhausted,” Steve deadpans, before proceeding to flop back down onto Eddie’s chest, smirking at the little ‘oof’ he earns. “I don’t know if I can even move. Hope you don’t have to pee anytime soon.”

Eddie shrugs. “Eh, if I do, it’s your bed, not mine.”

“Ew. Dude.” Steve props himself back up on his elbow in order to wrinkle his nose at Eddie.

“You’re the one who brought it up,” Eddie says with a smirk, and – shit, Steve’s really missed this.

Eddie is one of the only people in the world Steve feels like he can completely be himself around. He’s second only to Robin (everyone will always be second to Robin, that’s just a given), and that’s what had devastated Steve most when he’d heard what Eddie had to say about their relationship. He thought he’d let Eddie see all of him, and Eddie hadn’t seen anything worth wanting.

Worth loving.

But that, apparently, hadn’t quite been the case.

“Hey,” Eddie calls Steve’s attention back, picking his hand up off his chest to press a kiss to the back of it. “Where’d you go?”

No, that hadn’t been the case at all.

Steve shakes his head. “Nowhere,” he promises. “I’m right here.”

He leans down for a kiss, and Eddie pulls their combined hands aside to meet it, bringing his free hand up to curl into Steve’s hair, cradling the back of his head.

It isn’t as though all the hurt has healed – all of Steve’s doubts and insecurities haven’t magically disappeared. As much as Steve might wish, it isn’t as though the last several weeks never happened. They can’t change any of that now, but Eddie’s honesty, his openness– openness from them both will take them a long way forward.

The idea still sits as a bit new to Steve: honesty. He’s used to people saying one thing and doing another. He’s used to being expected to decipher convoluted social cues and having to intuit unspoken messages. He’s used to not being allowed to ask for what he wants and just accepting whatever he’s given.

This, he thinks, will be better.

The kiss doesn’t end so much as it slides into another, and another, until Eddie and Steve have rolled to their sides, legs tangled together beneath the blankets, mouths sliding against one another, lazy and unhurried. There’s a hint of heat beneath their movements, something that could spark into more if they let it, but Steve is content with just this for now. There will always be time for more later.

Eddie hums deep in his chest when the kisses trail to an end, voice still warm and sleep-rough, and Steve rests his forehead against Eddie’s, unwilling to go too far away just yet.

“Good morning,” Steve says when Eddie opens his eyes again, and he can feel the puff of Eddie’s sigh against his lips.

“Don’t say that,” Eddie whines. “If you say that, we have to get up.”

Steve gives a little laugh. “We can’t stay in bed all day, Eddie.”

“Sure we can,” Eddie drawls, pushing at Steve’s shoulder until he takes the hint and rolls onto his back, only to have Eddie lay down on top of him, pressing him into the mattress. “In fact, I think that’s a great idea.”

“Do you seriously have no other plans for the day?” Steve asks, as if he has any pressing engagements himself.

Eddie presses a kiss to the base of Steve’s throat, humming thoughtfully. “Maybe one or two,” he says, trailing a few more kisses up the side of Steve’s neck.

“Besides that,” Steve huffs, though he makes no move to stop Eddie when his hand comes to rest on the waist of Steve’s pajama pants.

“What am I, an event planner?” Eddie asks, but he does pull away from Steve’s neck with a petulant (and largely exaggerated) sigh. “Fine. How about we stay in bed most of the day and then… we can go back to mine for dinner?”

Steve looks up at Eddie, brows drawing together as he thinks. “What’s at yours that we’d need for dinner?”

Eddie shrugs. “Nothing, really. It’s just been a while,” he says quietly.

And– well, it has. Eddie’s trailer used to be one of the places Steve had felt most comfortable, but he hasn’t spent more than a few minutes there in passing since he’d emptied it of his things. He misses it there – how warm and welcoming it always was, how he’d felt like he belonged there.

What if he goes back now and it’s changed? What if he feels as out of place there now as he does in his own house?

He must spend a moment too long thinking about it, because Eddie begins to backpedal.

“But if you don’t want to, we totally don’t have to, we can just–”

“No,” Steve cuts in. “Let’s go to yours for dinner.”

A slow-growing smile pulls across Eddie’s face, and Steve can tell he’s fighting the urge to duck and hide it.

“Wayne misses you, y’know,” Eddie says, and now it’s Steve who’s ducking away from eye contact.

“Misses my cooking, I bet,” he jokes, but Eddie shakes his head.

“Misses you. He does like you, Steve. He asked where you were, after– after everything,” Eddie says, and Steve isn’t sure what the hell he’s supposed to say to that, or if he even can speak around the sudden, weird choke of emotion in his throat. Eddie, as if he can sense his dilemma, saves Steve from having to respond. “He misses your cooking too, though, let’s be real. He had the audacity to tell me the other day that my mac and cheese isn’t as good as yours. It was your recipe!”

Steve laughs, and Eddie really plays up the offense.

“And you know the worst part? He was right,” Eddie laments. “It’s the same recipe, how does that even work?”

“So, what I’m hearing is that you want me to come to your house and cook you dinner,” Steve teases, smirking up at Eddie.

Eddie subsides just a little, packing away his theatrical energy in order to smile back down at Steve. “I just want you to come over. I’ll order dinner if you want. Hell, I’ll submit myself to public ridicule and try cooking for you again.” He cups Steve’s cheek in one hand and leans in to kiss him gently. “Whatever you want, Steve, I’m there.”

“Yeah?” Steve asks, quiet, almost breathless with the depth of Eddie’s promise.

“Yeah,” Eddie answers, his smile as ridiculous and smitten as the look on Steve’s own face must be. “I’m right here with you.”

And Steve decides he likes the sound of that. He likes it very much.

-

Thank you to everyone who gently threatened me encouraged me to continue the first part of this story, it's been so fun to write and to see everyone interact with! You've all been very kind, and I hope the ending satisfies <3

Tag list: @bushbees @y0urnewstepp4r3nt @gleek4twd @hellfireone @westifer-dead @anne-bennett-cosplayer @starman-jpg @mugloversonly @swimmingbirdrunningrock @alycatavatar @y4r3luv @rhapsodyinalto @vinteraltus @lilpomelito @tillystealeaves @noctxrn-e @pearynice @giverobinagfbrigade @novacorpsrecruit @hotluncheddie @strangersteddierthings @alongcomesaspider @theheadlessphilosopher @jettestar @rajumat @garden-of-gay @jamieweasley13 @dam28lh @oldwitcheshat @lololol-1234 @perfectlysensiblenonsense @salty-h0e @r0binscript @mavernanche @back2beesness @a-lovely-craziness @paintsplatteredandimperfect @redbullgivescaswings @emmabubbles @heartstarstar-blog @thesuninyaface @thatonebisexualman @fruitandbubbles @erinharvelle @m-owo-n @theystoodandplayedwithsilence @surroundedbyconfusion @luthienstormblessed @3ldr1tchang3l @pansexuality-activated

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #eddiesteve #the one person whose perspective we haven't directly seen yet... #anyway this was a trip I haven't updated something AS I've been writing it since I was maybe in high school #solar wrote

[onyourowndaisymae]

blog update

hi! it's been awhile since i've posted anything substantial. some of you might have noticed that progress for the "when they fall in love" series has halted, that only little drabbles or shitposts have been posted as of late, etc etc-- i want to say my peace and get it all out there.

to make a long story short, blog posts will be slowing way down to accommodate for my declining health, but i am still looking to post drabbles and such until i am healthier. kink/flufftober prompts will be pushed back to a do-over kink/flufftober when i have the energy to do so. my "personal" blog is @oopsiedaisymae and that's where i'll be moving most of my reblogs, likes, mutual following, etc etc so follow there if you want to see my nonsense. this blog will not be shutting down. y'all are stuck with me.

to make a long story long... (cw for chronic illness, nausea, unintentional disordered eating, american nonsense)

last year, during finals season in college, i got sick as fuck with a stomach infection. since then, i have quite literally never been the same. i went from being a normal student to being plagued with abdominal pain, constant nausea (and i'm emetophobic so that sucked SO much ass) and being unable to leave the house some days. i've had ups and downs with my health since-- some days i can eat semi-normal, other days i'd be completely unable to stomach anything solid. as of now, we're on the worse end of that spectrum.

also around this time, i lost my health insurance. so the entirety of this calendar year i haven't had insurance, and although my primary care clinic is cheap, my issues are beyond what a primary care clinic can provide. because i'm in america, an uninsured trip to the ER would quite literally bankrupt me. so i've been waiting on insurance to get said proper medical care. i'm hoping that'll come sooner rather than later-- my birthday is next month and i'd like to not be in the hospital when it comes around!

with all of this, i have (understandably) not been eating well and have lost a significant amount of weight. eating hurts, and trying to eat a healthy amount makes me incredibly nauseated and in pain. the question every day is: do i want to not be in pain but be unable to think, or do i suffer physically to have some mental capacity for the day? it's a lose-lose situation.

this has really upset me bc writing has always been a place to escape to as my life falls apart, but now even stringing together words is hard. i want to write. before this most recent batch of hell i was stringing together a masterlist for kinktober, but i can't even finish the pieces i was already working on bc i can't think. shit sucks.

anyways. all this to say: once i get proper medical care, it's over for you hoes. i will start posting full-length fics again once i am able. in the mean time, expect little drabbles here and there. i will be hosting my do-over kinktober and flufftober events when i am able, even if that shit means i'm posting in may or something. i will be dicking around on @oopsiedaisymae, my personal blog, in the mean time. oh, and i'm into twisted wonderland now, too. so expect content for that when i come back in full swing.

i think that's everything. if i have anything else to say, i'm sure i'll mention it. in the mean time, feel free to explore my blog or my mutuals' blogs to get your writing content fill. thanks for sticking around :) mwah.

#blog update

[moth-yknowtheartist]

[this letter is dated two weeks after the first one. it is significantly heavier. there is a scribbly drawing of moth and nat holding hands on the envelope.]

dearest moth,

hey again! it's been a while since I sent my last letter and, well, you haven't replied yet but that's okay! figured I'd write this one anyway to keep you updated, I guess? assuming you aren't actually dead like everyone says haha.

first of all, remember how I said I was going to make gingersnaps? I went to the store after sending out my last letter to get some and the molasses was all sold out! pretty strange, huh? I had to buy the boxed ones instead :( they're not as good as homemade, but they still tasted wonderful.

how have you been? I guess I already asked that in the last letter... oh well, never hurts to check in on a friend. I've been missing you a lot lately, you know? I found a google doc while looking through old files the other day for what looked to be a draft for a buzzfeed unsolved musical we were trying to write? god, it would've been so cool if we had gone somewhere with that haha. I'd love to do more stuff like that with you, too, when you get back from, I'm, wherever you are

I tried messaging a couple friends of yours the other day to ask about you. all I got back was "they're dead" and "they're in Nebraska". no pressure, but please let me know how you're doing okay? after that conversation about the moths you sorta ghosted me and it's making me sort of anxious.

anyway! sorry to bring the mood down. I hope school's going alright! if you see gale again sometime soon, tell them I'm sorry for how awkward I was when we met a while ago haha. it's always so weird to meet a friend of a friend!

I'm tucking some dried flowers and a teabag into this envelope as little keepsakes for you. peppermint tea is tasty and refreshing anytime of year in my opinion :) enjoy!

lots of love, see you soon

nat★

[This letter is, like the last, smudged with small stains of molasses. Doesn't seem like it can be helped. This envelope's heavy, too, with two flat-ish rocks inside- a tiger's eye and an amethyst.]

dear nat,

thank you for the keepsakes, and the drawing. you're the sweetest, nat. I have them taped up on my wall now :) besides the tea. I'll keep that one on me!!!

i'm hoping you'll have gotten the letter I sent from nebraska soon, I'm so so sorry I never meant to leave you hanging so long. things have been complicated? I'm home now though. I'm sorry I made you wait.

that's.um. odd. with the molasses. maybe it's for the better? gingersnaps are good but there are even BETTER cookies out there right!! gale might even have some recipes. did I tell you gale bakes? I know they might have seemed like more of a bug expert last time you talked haha but you guys should really share some recipes sometime. was hoping to maybe properly introduce you!!!

I almost completely forgot about that musical- I still vaguely remember one of the songs you wrote!! god we had the whole storyline planned out I think or at least mostly I remember being SO excited about it!! I still stand by it being as good as I remember hahaha. good times. we'll have plenty of time to work on that kind of stuff again soon, right? long nebraska trip, but I swear I'm not going anywhere now anytime soon. hopefully.

I'm sorry to have um. ghosted you for so long. I'm okay though, people just don't know when to let up with a joke haha!! I'm alive. I'm sorry, I swear I'll make it up to you. now that I'm home.

there's a little gift in here for you, too!! meant to give these to you a while back- some cool rocks I thought you might like :) something cool to show you until I can show you my knives, right?

hope to see you soon! sorry I worried you.

-moth <3

#THE LORE #another letter!!!!! #looks like nat got a little worried. but everything's fine!!!! right?

[virgo-dream]

virgo is home ✨

I'm finally home again!! CCXP was very intense and I think I haven't been on my feet for so long since at least 2019. I had a lot of fun, but it was also very overwhelming at times (I was also there for work, so I still had to manage the anxiety of being on camera before I could finally let loose after the daily live streams were done).

I'm really glad I got to do it though, and I reeeeeally hope I'll be able to go next year. It was a very enriching experience from a professional standpoint and I also got to exercise something I thought I still hadn't learned, which is self preservation. Being able to listen to my body and not go way beyond its limits is something I'm really proud I was able to do. Today, I got home after a 6 hour bus trip and took the day off to rest, and I think tomorrow I'll be feeling good as new again! :)

This is still a preeeeetty busy week for me, with more work and a Harry Styles concert on wednesday, but I am planning to take some time for myself (because my social battery is beyond empty) and to write. I've got so many ideas and soooooooo much I want to put on paper. I've also gotten some reeeeally good advice on how to organise my work from @softest-punk, and hopefully Morpheus' Orchestra will finally be updated!!! You'll have them to thank for that if it does happen lol

Anyway, this is just a little update on my life and on how I'm feeling. Making this blog and writing fics has been a real highlight of my year, and after these past four days I'm really glad to be able to come back to this space with so many cool and kind people to share my newfound joy with.

Now, I'm gonna go get some more sleep. I think I've earned it. :)

#virgo dream talks #haven't felt this good in a while tbh #I thought I'd feel sad it was all over like I did the last time I worked at an event like this #felt like playing a festival all over again #but now I just have this big sense of accomplishment and pride #for everything I was able to do and everything I did for my own self preservation

[cosettepontmercys]

Aww that's so nice that you were watching a livestream while I was there. I'm so happy that I got to experience that and happy I got to go at all. It was really amazing and I already miss it. The thing with surprise songs is that it's really subjective..like a coworkers daughter apparently said she would have rather seen All of the Girls..which is also cool. I would've liked that too but it was better for me that Aaron was there cuz that doesn't happen every show. The only thing that could've possibly made it better is if she brought Hayley out too..lol. Anyway loved it so much and she did also wear the pink Folklore dress which is one I was hoping for. It was just so cool to even see the Folklore cabin in person too and the Vigilante chair dance.

Anyway..for my other ask..I usually don't read sequels or series. The only time I did was with HP or Twilight and that was when all the sequels were already out. But I totally get what you mean about cash grab and spinoffs. I'm interested in the new Hunger Games movie spinoff though! I think sometimes it's natural or it might be because readers want more. Like with this one, I think the book is like 10 years old and people have discovered it and seeing people like it inspired her to write more maybe? Also it works sometimes when you are writing a different characters perspective too..which is the case here apparently. If I did read series regularly, I would probably forget about it too though lol. Also..I loved the first season of Crazy Ex Girlfriend!!! I never got to finish it though cuz I stopped having Netflix..but I do like when a show is able to wrap up the story. I feel like that happens more often now actually..like when a show is based on a book so there is only one season. Then there's something like the new Sex and the City reboot show which seems kinda unnecessary but you still wanna watch for the characters lol. I did like how they updated part of it..like what it would be like for them now and in their 50s though..which made it seem a little fresh at least but it was just okay. I know people were unhappy with Gilmore Girls too..which idk how to feel about either. So I'm usually up for having more to a story or characters I love but sometimes it messes with what you already imagined in your head I guess. These two books do stand on their own though and you probably don't need to read the sequel either unless you want to and that's if you like it lol. I probably will though cuz I get curious and then I could let you know how it is. Also if you do end up reading Some Mistakes Were Made..you could let me know how it is, or I could start reading it again..or together maybe? I've taken a break from reading too this week since I was focused on Taylor but excited to get back to it. I hope you have an awesome trip in Chicago this week! 🩷

hi 🩷 friend!!!! i missed you while i was out of town 🤍 i hope you've been doin well! what have you been up to? have you read anything good lately? it is so, so interesting how people feel about surprise songs!! because to me i think they're just a bonus to the 43 songs that we're already incredibly lucky to hear, but i've seen people on tiktok/twitter/etc. genuinely upset and angry and claiming that their surprise songs like, ruined their experience or whatever and i'm like ... really? i just feel like the relationship "swifties" talk about taylor is ... very ... interesting, to say the least! my friends and i were so hopeful that hayley would be a surprise guest in seattle night 2, and they'd sing castles crumbling (we were also convinced that she'd acknowledge folklore though, and she didn't) because paramore was supposed to play in seattle the day after seattle night two but had to reschedule. and i'm SO happy you got the dress you wanted for folklore! i think the folklore outfits are just so, so pretty — they might be my favorite set of costumes for the whole show. i'm quite intrigued with the new hunger games prequel! i haven't read it yet (and i've actually only ever seen the first hunger games movie), but i really loved the trilogy when i was younger and have been thinking about finally sitting down and watching them (or maybe rereading, once i'm done with my current rereads). i do agree a prequel like this feels more natural, rather than say, shadowhunters, which has like 50 million books! if you ever get a chance to finish watching crazy ex girlfriend, i highly recommend it!! i also just love all the musical theatre references and i just think it's really well done. i haven't rewatched it since it aired, actually, but i do want to rewatch it soon! i am just very, very bad at watching tv! i'm currently watching the summer i turned pretty, and then when i'm caught up with that (or when i have a little more breathing room), i think i'll watch the second season of heartstopper! i was really excited about the new gossip girl (especially since a couple of theatre people are in it), but it just did not … work for me at all. and yes!! i would definitely be down for a buddy read of some mistakes were made if you'd like? i could start it next week if that works for you!! i just need to get my life together and hopefully finish one or two of my current reads first! i had a lovely time in chicago, thank you my dear 🤍 definitely dreading being back at work tomorrow!

#post: answered #🩷 anon

[ilegnangeli]

Random March Thought #1

It's been a while, Tumblr.

I always say that. Like for some reason, I barely update this blog but I always visit it though. So many things have happened the past few months. And I want to chronicle them now. Why I didn't while I was going through some hardships then, I don't know but now I want to write about them.

It has been seven months since I moved to my home. I live alone now and it has finally sunk in. Although I have reached a new milestone in my life, I still feel unaccomplished at times. What does it mean to be accomplished in life, anyway?

I feel that I have always been so hard on myself. That I personally set myself for failure because of the unrealistic or unreachable goals I set for myself.

There are so many things that I want to achieve all at the same time which is why I feel overwhelmed and at most times, I feel inadequate. I feel incomplete. I feel at loss. I feel never enough.

2023 is a new year, just like any year that comes after the last one. I didn't set goals for this year. Not even wanting to be happy or contented or satisfied. I just want to be. BE.

Deleted Twitter (or accidentally did by not logging in after deactivating for 30 days). Deactivated Facebook, I just don't see the point of having it anymore. I am maintaining my Instagram account though and my Messenger account, my father worries when he can't get a hold of me. At least through Messenger, he'll be able to see when I'm online or he can instantly message me whenever he needs to ask me something.

I'm quitting being available to people 24/7. I'm avoiding human beings for now. I'm finally letting go of pleasing people too much. I just want to be able to function fully as a human being without breaking my personal boundaries. I feel like I've become too available to other people, that I've given them too much access on my life through social media that I've forgotten how much of my personal life I've given them access to.

Since 2019, I don't think I've been THAT active on social media anyway. I do update from time to time, mostly on IG stories, but I haven't posted anything on my social media for personal reasons and for personal security (and boundaries).

The pandemic has had this effect on sharing things online. People became more active on social media. And there's just so much information and updates to see. Little by little, I'm trying to filter out the information I receive or have access to. I don't need to know what the latest news is, I don't need to buy the latest gadgets, I don't need to see what the latest trend is. I just want to be.

I feel like I want to start writing again. Writing poetry, I mean. I may have to archive a lot of things in this blog though. Hopefully, I will be able to start soon. I may have to finally focus on writing again and just be me. I know how cliche that sounds and I've said it a thousand times before but I just want to write again.

Even if that means I have to force myself to curate stuff in this blog for my random thoughts. There. I said it.

A friend has asked if I want to climb mountains again. The last time I did was in 2019. For the new year's. I climb Mount Huangshan in China. It was a new year's trip with my class. God, it's been four years since I got back and I still feel that time stopped for me in 2020. Like my clock seriously broke and something in my time continuum refused to continue. I'm still stuck somewhere between March 15, 2020 (the last day before the lockdown in the entire country) and March 16, 2020 (the day everything slowed down for everyone).

I want to travel alone somewhere though. I'm not yet sure where. Although I don't want to be alone. I'm torn actually. I was in AirBnB's website earlier and thinking about booking myself a room somewhere WHILE I ALREADY LIVE ON MY OWN. That the reason why I bought a home IS BECAUSE I DO WANT TO BE ALONE. But I don't know why I don't feel so good in this four-walled home. I still want to escape and runaway and never come back.

Do any of you feel that sometimes? That's you're home and everything, and if you're living alone like me, but you still want to run away from everything and everyone?

I consider myself a burden to people. Not because I pity myself or anything but because I feel like everyone else's life is shitty too and I don't want the shit in their lives to pile up even more. I don't want to cause them to think about how life is shitty as if they're not experiencing the same hell I am currently living in, y'know?

I'm listening to this playlist and when I first listened to actually hyped me up and made me think of really good and happy thoughts but as I'm typing these words I don't know why the playlist isn't even giving the same vibe anymore. Maybe I listened to it too many times so I've grown familiar with the songs playing. But I still don't have the songs memorized but I don't know. It's weird.

Do you guys also sometimes spend hours on your phone, like me? I remember the times I used to be okay with my phone and maybe just pause when it's time to eat. But now I've been skipping meals and don't even feel the slightest hunger sometimes. And then I fall asleep. I'm not sure if it's depression. Maybe it is. I hope not. I don't want to be depressed. It's not a nice place to be, being depressed.

I don't want to go out the house. I don't even want to meet friends. I don't want to go to work. I don't know anymore. I've been spending so much time looking for alternative ways to entertain myself and nothing has worked so far. I want to be better, I want to feel better, I want to be okay again.

I've not told my friends what I've been through for the past few weeks. I've kept it secret from a lot of them and I used to tell everything to my closest bunch. But I've been keeping so many things from the people I love lately. I don't know if that's healthy? I don't think so. Sigh. I've been sighing a lot lately. I wonder why that is?

Do you guys also get severe anxiety? Or random panic attacks? Sometimes I do. Most of the time? Sometimes I even wake up in the middle of the night feeling agitated. It's weird. God, I've been through so much lately and I don't know what to do about it anymore. So I'm writing right now so I could go back to this next time and check myself if there are improvements.

Guys, if people check on you, tell them honestly what's going on. They're concerned about you and your well-being. Do not be like me. I always reply with "I'm good" and "I'm fine" and "I'm okay" but I'm so far from good, fine, or okay. I don't even have words for what I feel. I can't even personally describe it.

I hope the theme of my follow-up entries would be lighter and not as heavy as these words I'm writing down right now.

But I feel like I need to be honest here and just type these words otherwise I'll go crazy, y'know?

Right now, it's dinnertime and I'm just waiting for food to arrive. I order a lot of takeaways even though I have a fully-functional kitchen and I have food in the fridge. I just don't have the energy or I just don't want to be bothered with cooking or even preparing.

Goodness, I need to really get my shit together. I don't like where I am right now.

P.S. I should end this now. I'll think about writing again tomorrow. I hope I wake up on the right side of the bed.

P.P.S. In my sadness, I ended up buying another digital piano. And it arrives tonight. I'm excited. At least there's something I could look forward to while I'm at home.

P.P.P.S. I'll be playing and making music again. Please wish me luck. I'm thinking about naming her Keira, Keyra actually. She'll be my new baby.

#random thoughts #2023 #about god's chaser #March 11th

[queenofstelena]

A wonderstruck Christmas Chapter 2

Summary: Human AU Elena and Stefan stay at the Gilbert lake house for Christmas. They open presents and Stefan surprises, Elena, with a very special surprise. AU where Stefan never died, Elena is still human along with Stefan, There are both 28, Damon and Elena never dated, and Elena's parents are alive. (Stefan proposes to Elena.)

Notes: Next chapter will feature the romantic dinner and Stefan and Elena's parents/family finding out about the wonderful news. I originally was going to just make these two chapters but I feel like it should end here and I'll wrap this short story up in the next chapter. I hope you all liked this story so far!

Chapters: 2/3

Characters: Stefan Salvatore, Elena Gilbert, Damon Salvatore, Miranda Gilbert-Sommers, and Grayson Gilbert.

Warning(s): None just fluff!

Rating: General Audiences

Hope you enjoy <3

Elena and Stefan's apartment

Elena had one of those wonderful mornings with blissful dreams and felt completely refreshed. She opened her eyes to her buzzing phone. She turned over to see Stefan calling her. She smiled softly at this.

"Good morning, Lena I have a surprise for you!" Stefan said sweetly but with a hint of mischief. "Ooh, that sounds fun, I can't wait."

"May I ask what this entails Mr. Salvatore?" She asks, laying up from her bed.

"Well, since you asked Ms. Gilbert we will be going on a little vacation but the location is a surprise!" Stefan said, smiling mischievously.

"Vacation? But tomorrow Christmas?" "I know it's Christmas tomorrow but I wanted to do something special for the both of us. And I think you'll be incredibly happy. I know this is the few Christmases without your family but I think you'll change your mind, you'll see." Stefan said convincingly.

"Alright, then I can't wait!" "But what should I need to wear? Elena asked.

"Love, whatever makes you feel comfortable aka casual clothes," Stefan said sweetly to Elena.

"You know me too well Stef, thank you for all of this I think we need a romantic VK."

"I love you, and I'll pick you up in 20 minutes. How do that sound?"

"Great, I can't wait to see you! I love you! Bye!" Elena said hanging up. She smiled as she got up from her bed. She went to grab her special pen and her olive green diary. She thought I haven't written in this for a little while now. it's time for an update.

Elena moved to her window as she started to write...

12/24/22

Dear, diary I know it's been a while, I had gotten a new one since I thought I lost this one. I felt devastated since my mom gave me this for my birthday and it meant the world to me. I've told you about Stefan my boyfriend maybe, hopeful soon husband. I met Stefan when I was 17 a senior in high school. I had broken up with my boyfriend at the time Matt, he had his whole future planned out and I was still searching for it. But I also felt a lack of passion and understanding. In the end, we wanted different things but I'm glad we're on good terms. But when I met Stefan everything changed, there was passion, he understood me, and it felt perfect. But not perfect like everything was amazing but more as if everything was right or fell right into place. It was as if we were meant for each other, soulmates even. Right now he's planning something all I know is we're going on a vacation but I don't think it's far since I'm supposed to dress casually and it's too close to Christmas he wouldn't plan something like a trip to Hawaii. Anyways, I better get ready now.

~Love, Elena

Elena moved from her window to her vanity to put up her hair. She ran her hand through her hair, grabbed the majority of it, and then tied the hairband. She got up from the stool and headed over to her closet. She found a red Stretch Top, collarless leather bomber jacket, boot-cut jeans on the racket, and classic converse in the corner. This was the outfit she wore when she met Stefan, it was very special because of this. She placed the shoes that were on the side of her closet beside her. And then grabbed a pair of socks from the left side of the closet, then went to the bathroom to change.

2 minutes later...

Elena walked out of the bathroom with her Red stretch top, collarless leather bomber jacket, and boot-cut jeans. She turned to her room and grabbed her converse. She laid them on the bed as she sat down. She put one foot forward as the other was down and tied her shoelaces. And vice versa with the other.

She decided to put on some makeup for this special occasion. She went over to her vanity once again and grabbed some blush, eyeliner, mascara, and neutral colored pallet for eyeshadow. She also grabbed brushes to apply the blush and eyeshadow. First, she grabbed the light brown and opened the pallet, she brushed softly apply powder to her face. Then, she grabbed her eyeliner carefully gliding the liner on the lid of her eye. After she finished, she grabbed the mascara and looked up while applying it. Lastly, she rubbed the brush softly, on the powder and then made brush strokes parallel to one another. She must have thought I don't need makeup for Stefan he loves me with or without. I normally do where it, but today is special and I think it'll be nice.

He should be here any minute now...

Gilbert Loge

Stefan pushed back his hair with the hair jell which fit his face nicely. It's like falling pieces into place. He then pushed the top of the soap bottle squirting soap onto his hands. He rubbed both of his hands fast and put his hand under warm water. He shook his hands in the sink and grabbed a soft towel to finish the job. He grabbed his plaid shirt and denim jeans along with his boots. He made his way over to his couch and tied the strings.

He took a look around and thought I think Elena will love these Christmas decorations, I mean she always does but it'll be even special this year because I'm proposing. And it'll be amazing since it's at her family's loge. He smiled softly, at this thought.

Stefan made his way to the stairs and grabbed his keys, he headed outside to his Porsche to pick up Elena.

I should be there soon...

10 minutes later...

Ding Dong the doorbell rang and Elena came walking down the stairs to greet Stefan at the door. "Hey, are you ready?" Stefan asks softly.

"Yes," Elena says smiling at him and gazing into his olive-green eyes. Stefan holds out his hand and she takes it, they both walk to the car. He opens the door like a gentleman and she gets in.

As he is driving Elena asks "Are you going to give me any more hints?" Elena asks innocently. Stefan pauses for a second and then says "It's very familiar." Stefan said mischievously looking over at her. Elena pouts at his response. "Don't worry love, we'll be there soon!" Stefan said sweetly.

"Ok, good if we didn't I think I would have died of boredom," Elena says dramatically, holding her hand up to her forehead. Stefan scoffs at this while smiling trying to contain his laughter.

After a few minutes of driving, they arrive at the Gilbert loge. Elena gasps, she hadn't been here a few years. "It looks just as amazing as it was when I last saw it. Thank You, Stef!" Elena said, smiling. Stefan held out his finger signaling to wait as he got out of the car. Stefan walked over to open the door. "Why thank you, Mr. Salvatore." Elena smiled as she said this.

They both headed towards the door, Stefan grabbed the keys to unlock the door.

The pair walked in and as you walked in you could smell the chicken and vegetables from here. It smelled delicious. You also could see the fairy lights all around the house it was beautiful.

Wow, Stefan, you did all of this?" Elena questioned looking around at the fairy lights. She also could spell the fresh vegetables from the living room, she smiled softly thinking 'he did all of this for me.'

"Yes, of course, anything for you!" Stefan walked with Elena as they headed for the kitchen. They walked over to the counter Elena looked around taking in the scenery.

'Nows the time Stefan, it's time to propose to her.' Stefan grabbed the velvet black box from his pocket and knelt down beside Elena.

"Thank yo-" Elena turned to face Stefan and covered her mouth in shock. "Will you marry me?" Stefan asked. "Yes, I will marry you," Elena said hugging Stefan. Stefan pulled away and placed the beautiful diamond ring on her finger.

#the vampire diaries #tvd #stelena #stelena fanfic #stelena fanfiction #tvd fanfiction #the vampire diaries fanfiction #elena gilbert #stefan salvatore #nina dobrev #paul wesley #stefan elena #elena and stefan #stefan and elena #stefan x elena #stelena shippers club

[ibelieveinghost]

4/7/24

up-dates!!!

1st off!: got my visa!!! finally!!!!!! actually, i got it on Wednesday but never found the energy to write here haha. oh! i graduated on Friday too and somehow talked the school into refunding the rest of the tuition. so everything went great in the end.

but seriously. i haven't write in so long, and i'll try my best this morning(rainy Sunday vibes yay!) to cover as much as possible. ok moving on---

i've been drawing/sketching on and off, and it sorta feels like a habit. lighthearted efforts and ease, something i rarely experience w/ making art since...since high school.

i've been updating more consistently on my blogs/twitter now. i got some response. some. not as much as one'd wish haha. but honestly, i felt so grateful that people are liking my stuff.

on the other hand, the job hunting has been going... well it has been going! not a ton of jobs being posted out there since early March, and i'm starting to realize that i'm only pretending to be really wanting certain positions. i got so accustomed to idea of working as a researcher/scientist, but. man. wasn't that why i left school in the first place, that i fucking hate it despite pouring ~10 years of my life into it and seemed to be going somewhere. having bright prospects and all. now that i knew. well. i need a little more time to think and un-think, to not rush ahead, and be complete honest w/ myself. getting the visa means i got all the time i want. so again, all worked out in the best way possible.

oh yea! birthday coming up in couple weeks! woo hoo! been planning a little overnight trip somewhere! probably 軽井沢 or 伊豆高原. idk! haven't gone anywhere not Tokyo/Yokohama since early Jan, and traveling alone is totally my thing! actually, growing older is so much cooler than i'd thought when i was in my early 20s. but like. past me: imagining feeling more grounded, taking things less seriously, and being more in tune with urself.

ok! dumping some photos seem like a good way to continue:

(reverse chronological order)

(コメダ I literally come here everyday now lol)

(graduation cert came with a bear! + my lamys... i'm not collecting them! they're super easy to write to write with and i adore the bright neon colors that's it!)

( i went to the 4D special viewing of prisoner of Azkaban and man---it worked so well w/ the 4D format. i mean it is the rainy/icy snowy one of the 8, so a lot of spraying water on your face situations! i was wearing a wide grin the whole time i guess. it was so much fun. that being said, i def shed a few tears near the end when harry realized no one's coming to save the two of em, so he stepped out and did what he didn't even know he's capable of. a scene my younger self never managed to relate to. but it def resonates now.

i love this movie so much, probably my fav out of all of them. watched it at the theater w/ dad when i was probably in...middle school or younger?)

(awww)

(the day i got my visa)

(date w/ S!)

(dinner later that night, w/ the gang)

(us, acting a little stupidly ha + interesting cards i took from the bar)

(last Sunday)

(the komeda near ogikubo station, it went all orange that day + cute lil book i might come back and buy later)

(the night i last hang out w/ A)

damn we're reaching the 30 photo/post limit

so guess that's that! i'm coming back to wrap up this epic photo dump soon(later today)

it felt so nice to just recounting my life, sharing all the bits and pieces on one had ever asked for. to me, it's a cute and ultimately therapeutic thing to do. my future self must be thanking me for taking the time to record everything haha.

anyway! see ya soon!

#日记 #diary

[bylightofdawn]

My work decided randomly at the end of last year that they were going to move the cap for PTO from 100 hours to 80.

I am a very dedicated (read stupidly obsessed with being dependable and diligent worker bee) Capricorn that exudes so much Capricorn energy you can prolly read it from orbit so suffice to it so say I have over 100 hours of banked PTO and was at risk of losing 20 some odd-hours. This is after I took two vacations last year so yeah I was kinda not happy with this new policy.

Soooooo I requested that time off before it expires on the 15th and ya girl now has 5 whole days back to back off starting tomorrow.

I'd originally planned to make a trip to Houston but sadly, I can't afford it thanks to getting the plague after my last mini vacation in December and my check on the 31st wasn't what I was expecting it to me.

Which, eh no big deal I'll just enjoy this time and do a staycation instead for the next 5 days.

I'm going to do some spring cleaning and rearranging of my apartment. My mother has been trying to fob some furniture off on me for years so I've decided to get rid of this 96 inch metal baker's rack that was housing all of my dvds and various fandom crap like lose figures and the like.

On Sunday, i went through all my DVD's BluRays etc, took them all out of the boxes and recycled them and started to put them into a binder. I had to buy a BIGGER one because 270 something wasn'r enough. All together with some DVD's being doubled up like bluray/dvs combos. I filled up a 400 space binder.

What. The. Fuck.

And that's not counting the things I didn't get rid of because it was specialty cases or things like my Red vs Blue and Star Wars stuff or ANY Of my many, many TV shows. I think I'm going to get a separate binder for those and then keep the cases but put them in a box to free up space so I can hopefully get shit down to one book shelf so I can get a small couch or love seat in my living room.

That ain't happening tomorrow though. Tomorrow is me time, I am going to play video games, read and write and then start cracking on that stuff on Monday.

The only thing that could make this vacation better was if I could get a massage or something stupidly self-indulgent like that.

So here's crossing my fingers and hoping I make some head-way in my new JasPlo fic. I'm debating breaking my own rules and posting things as I write rather than once I've finished just to see if the stress of keeping people waiting would be enough to motivate hibernating motivation or if the stress would just make me not want to write at all.

I mean is it really the end of the world if I have a WIP that hasn't been touched in six months? I dunno. I feel like my own innate sense of guilt would eat at me and I'd prolly crater like a house of cards the first time I get some shithead self-entitled comment asking why I haven't updated.

Which, LBR prolly won't happen cause how many people are going to be reading some super rarepair fic to begin with and I don't think I attract that sort of attention so no way that would even happen.

Most of the time I just feel like I'm putting stuff out into the void. Which, I'm not complaining about but I just really doubt that sort of scenario would happen.

But....you tell that to my guilt complex. I was definitely catholic in another life and have apparently carried said guilt into my next life.

Useless Edit: I ended up getting 90% of my tv series in the binder that held 270 something dvds. When did I buy all this shit that realistically I will never watch again because I own a chunk of them on digital now anyway.

I’m going to see if I can sell the random Smallvile seasons 4-10 and random Naruto seasons at Half Priced books since I’m well past my Naruto phase and what’s her faces sexual assault scandals kinda ruined the show for me forever. Same reason I got rid of all of my Kevin Spacey dvds when I was going through my dvds. But I forgot I bought both seasons do BBC’s Musketeers and I lowkey kinda want to rewatch it now. I also forgot I had seasons 1-4 of Scrubs which is one of my lowkey favorite series ever. I’m kinda excited by the things that got kinda lost in my collection. I found my Dark Angel series and kinda want to add that to the list as well

So series wise I’m pretty set. I don’t know if I’ll be watching any of my dvd or blu rays though. I plan on taking my binder of movies over to my moms house since she doesn’t know how to run Netflix ffs so the know she will get some use out of them. Or at least more than me.

I guess this semi counts as a declutter, yes? Pffft

#el writes #life of el #real life shit

[stupidfatpenguin]

Hm, so I'm currently focusing on my thesis which means I don't really have energy for writing for fun... but I still spend my breaks reading, and I read a decent amount of fic! Like while eating lunch, or before sleep. When I need to make trips out of town I sometimes let my (British accented) Siri read me some of my older favourites.

So I was thinking I could share what I've been reading lately (since I probably won't be writing too much). Since I'm known for rereading a lot, maybe I can recommend you a gem you haven't encountered yet?

So, yeah. Strap in and keep your hands and feet within the space craft at all times, we're going

Salty's Fic Rec Friday (in space)

And these are some fics I read these past couple of weeks.

Sacred Texts by SushiBurrito @sushiburritonoms | E | Din Djarin/Luke Skywalker | 57k+ | Chapters 5/? WIP | Modern, Librarian AU I usually need to have someone hold my hand before I venture into a modern AU, but I read Sushi's tumblr drabbles featuring librarian Luke being a mess and did not hesitate to hit subscribe when the first chapter hit ao3. Basically, Children's Librarian Luke Skywalker has his day turned upside down when a toddler wanders into the library. Somehow, this ends with him procuring a date

Look, it's a dinluke librarian AU written by a librarian who also just brilliantly merges generations of star wars characters and references into, like, Arizona. This fic has had me smiling so hard, actually laughing out loud, the whole lot. Oh, and it's burning slow... in a really really good way. The pining is top notch. Like this is a WIP that could update a year from now and I'd still pull up to read it. The newest chapter is so good. Open the tab, you'll thank me later.

Like the Dawn by ace_din_djarin @ace-din-djarin | T | Din Djarin/Luke Skywalker | 14k+ | One-Shot In-universe, Soulmate AU Okay okay, this one I feel a bit late to the party for, soulmate AUs are really my guilty pleasure trope, I will read anything that includes the universe saying this pair belongs together. In this one, we're going in with a "first words from your soulmate is written on your skin" setting, and the fic is basically following Din and Luke growing up and pining for the soulmate they still haven't met.... tasty.

If you're looking for something not-too-short-but-not-80k to keep you anticipating these idiots finally meeting and realising that they've been written in the starts, this is the fic for you.

Like Sand Through Fingers by Merrinpippy | T | Din Djarin/Luke Skywalker | 4k+ | One-Shot In-universe, established relationship, hurt/comfort This fic is such a gem. Din and Luke are living on Mandalore here, Luke hasn't ever shown Din his prosthetic hand... until one night he can't sleep and it's time for them to have a talk.

I love the writing style in this so much. It's written from Luke's perspective and you just really get sucked into his feelings, his turmoil, and of course, the very, very sweet ending... the author said hurt and comfort, and oh did they deliver. Rec rec rec!!

Apotheosis by Withercrown @withercrown | Not Rated | Din Djarin & Grogu, Din Djarin/Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Maul | 3k+ | Chapter 1/? WIP | In-universe, Adult Grogu, Mystery In a universe where the Force is gone, Grogu, the last living Mandalorian in the Galaxy, traverses dark space to find out what happened 400 years ago when Din Djarin disappeared.

This is probably one of the fics I anticipate the most at the moment. I love a good mystery, and I love the twist of telling the story from an adult Grogu's perspective! The fic reads like a story book to me. It stimulates so many incredible images of the achingly empty, Force-less world in my head, and with Grogu there it sometimes feels like I'm reading what ghibli movie.. feels like? Does that make sense? Anyways, do join me in my anticipation, I can't wait to solve this mystery.

The Ends And The Means by Mariwrongway @mari-wrongway | G | Din Djarin & the Armorer | 1.8k | One-Shot | Part of a series In-universe, Din Djarin-centric This is the first fic in a series that I'm planning to read (apparently a cut off from the main fic?) and I adore it so much. I'm a sucker for fics exploring Din pre-The Mandalorian, since the lack of information lends to a wide variety of interpretations... but this might be my fav yet. Read this to add to your Din & Armorer head canons!

-

Ok, that's it for this week, I hope you have a wonderful weekend (hopefully with some new reading material?) and that you enjoy in immensely while imagining me, at my desk, salting my theory chapter with my tears.

If you've read any of these, I'm curious to know what you think. Oh and if you drop me a rec in return that fits my likes, maybe I'll read it this week. Much love,

Salty ♡

#it's been a while since I've done one of these #Salty's Fic Rec Friday #I wanted to prove I didn't just read dinluke #I failed #dinluke #(mostly) #star wars fic recs #is this a semi-hiatus announcement? #nah I can't stay away from the blue app

[simpoot]

Well, firstly, happy new year, and it seems that another is literally at the horizon! I hope you all had nice holidays!

Secondly, when I started this blog, I honestly was nervous and didn't think that my work had any merit, but well, thank you! Thank you for enjoying what I write! I feel miles more confident in my work because of all you!

And, so, I have an extensive thank you list for some of my mutual's and my anons!

@serend1p1ty-0 → One of my closest friends now, you hopefully already know how much I adore you and your presence. Publicly I'll say that you're a menace with your hottakes (onceler and ralsei), but I wouldn't change it for the world, and you're the only one I'll allow to call me Poo. Thank you for being friends with me <3

@dreamwvrld → QUEEN you already know how big of a fan I am of you. Thank you for noticing me pestering your ask box! Your quality of work is something I strive to have! You make me simp for SS!Techno the more you release the chapters :D

@inniterhq → We don't interact much, but when you complimented my first post I actually fangirled a little (I was a reader before a writer ok). And sending you asks about Bikiniblade, Bikinibur and Dreamkini, then instigating an army to canonically kill me were definitely highlights for me (I'm sorta sorry, it was funny though)

@sushisoot → you're very pog and your taste in anime men is relatable. It's actually scary because I simped so hard for Hawks (a while ago now) and now you've come out as a Hawks stan. Anyway, I adore your writing (both on here and on Wattpad, yes I know...) and you seem like such a nice person! We do not interact enough! :D

@allywritesforfun → Your dialogue is still to die for and your plots. You're so considerate of other people, I could never? You're so inquisitive and I think that's wonderful, you're great. Plus the idea you had for the writer's discord was actually pure genius!

@meliancries → I love your random updates, I really hope you get the rest you need while you're on break! Also, thank you for being one of my first anons, I really appreciated it!

@bugsinmycoldsoup → All my interactions with you have been so wonderful, you're so fun! And I still think back to your royal Wilbur fic, definitely one of my favourites

@toiletwipes I see you there, lurking... in the shadows... Well no more! I present to you: me fangirling over you. I LOVE your Simpbur fic, you do not understand how much I bark at it. And the vibes on your blog are unparalleled (I love going through your blog it's such a trip)

@mikeyinnit → I know we haven't interacted much, BUT, you're wonderful. Your blog is so comfortable and that's because of how wonderful you are!

@nightmarefox15 → I know we don't interact much either, but I appreciate you so much. You won't see this for a bit but your wonderful, and seeing your presence on Tumblr is so comforting.

@crwnedprnce → We met recently! And yeah we do talk about me recognising you on our first meeting (I saw your fantastic writing and forgot to follow unfortunately but that's corrected now)! I'm glad I met you, us adventuring together on Minecraft was a... something with how much I died :D

@boiled-onionrings → You're the best! Basically since day one you've been supporting my work, your comments and asks never failed to make me smile! I hope you're doing well!

@taylorgamer → Another new one! Taylor!! You're very pog!!! From what I've seen you're very kind and I'm looking forward to our future interactions!

@sootrecs previously known as 🌝 anon → we haven't interacted too much yet but I'm excited for future interactions as you seem so kind, and you're supporting writers by reblogging their work is just so??? Pog, you're pog!

Special mention to @wingedghostpepper who somehow always likes all my posts, idk how you do it, but you do and I appreciate you <3

And those who I didn't mention, know that I notice you, and I still appreciate you (this post could've mentioned all my mutual's, even the ones who I've had no interaction with, as you're all fantastic, but then this post would've been way too long)!

ok now onto my anons because I am in my ✨parasocial✨ arc:

🍄 anon → I love you (/p). Even if you're not as active currently, you've got a space in my heart and blog (you definitely helped me establish my blog vibe if that makes sense)! Sometimes I think about you, like ‘oh I wonder how 🍄 anon is’ and I'm like huh is that weird??? You're fantastic

🌙 anon → I'm proud of you, go live your life Queen! :D your ideas are so interesting and deep too, like the musical based idea you had a while back!

C!Tubbo anon → MY MANNNNN!!! KING!! I appreciate you aLOT, you're lively and I enjoy your presence more than you could ever know

🐌 anon → I adore hearing the small things you're up to, it makes me smile! You're also living my dream with cuddling dogs >:(

C!Sally anon → Your ongoing plotline with your new baby is captivating to read :D and you seem so nice and wholesome!

:D anon → You're big pog! And also! I've got your request stored! And it's so cute and I'm looking forward to writing it, so don't worry about me having deleted it <3!!!

🪰 anon → You're unbelievably kind and I wish nothing but the best for you! And I hope that you're taking care of yourself!

And if I didn't mention you here, I also appreciate you. I just decided to talk about those who are/were most active. But, know that I remember pretty much everyone who appears in my ask box and I appreciate you coming on here in the first place <3

#pootspeaks #i tagged so many people omg i am so sorry #i literally couldve tagged all my mutuals #this was me holding back #dear god #its 7am and i havent slept #i was too busy writing this chunky post #i am going to wake up at 6pm god DAMN IT #pootspeaks? more like poot speaks too fucking much

[chaosworthyarchive]

↳ @lilbluespeedster​ asked: *It had been quite a bit of time since the events of that day...Perhaps a few weeks? During that time Lil' had taken to writing a letter for Arrow while Gold had gotten a few things for Arrow and Mina so the two could enjoy their time. They would have certainly made sure Arrow got it as soon as possible. When Arrow went to open the letter, he would be greeted by the following:*

Hey Big Bro,

I've been having Amy and Tenko keep me updated on how you're doing. I'm glad you're feeling better. Sounds like the emeralds are helping you heal quite a lot. I sure wish I could get some of that myself, haha. You're going to be back on your feet in no time, that's for sure.

I've been hanging in there. Unfortunately I haven't been released from the hospital yet, but the doctors say that I might be able to here in a few days. They want to make sure I have enough strength and energy to be able to move around in a wheelchair at least a little bit before releasing me. Thankfully Tails has been around to help me out and is planning on sticking around a bit longer to make sure I'll be okay with Ray. I kind of wish I didn't need to chair-bound, but not much I can do about that really.

I wish I could say it's been getting easier, but honestly without the pain relief I've been receiving I don't think I'd be functioning as much as I have been. Granted it's been a lot of sleeping, when I can, but it's something. The docs say that I'm extremely lucky, but I just told them that us blue hedgehogs have a nack of getting extremely lucky. Some of them weren't as amused as I was at the joke, unfortunately.

When I get out of this damn hospital, the first place I'm going is to see you and I mean it. Even if I have to roll my chair over the by myself. I'm not going to lie, not having you to talk to is driving me a little stir crazy. I wish you could be here with me, but I understand why you can't. There's a lot on my mind and I think only you could really help me make sense of it all.

Please enjoy the little goodies Tails and I got you and Mina. I hope they help a little. Maybe once we are all back to our normal selves, we can finally go on that double date we've been talking about. I'm split between karaoke or a hiking trip myself and I don't think Ray will be able to easily pick between those two.

Hope to see you very soon. I'm extremely grateful to still have you with us all. I don't think I can imagine life without having you to look up to anymore. I love you, brother.

Sincerely,Your Lil' Brother

P.S. Sorry about the pun, I couldn't resist.

P.S.S. Oh, and don't be surprised if I look a bit more different that you're expecting. That little stunt I pulled out of thin air seems to have changed my appearance somewhat.

P.S.S.S. I've been listening to a specific song lately. It's been speaking to me a little more than music usually does. Perhaps it will do you some good as well. I've shown the little "link" to Tenko so you can pull it up yourself when you want to.

                                                               —————

     {➹} – IT HAD BEEN A FEW very uneventful weeks, much to the elder’s annoyance. Deep down he knew it couldn’t really be helped, he was still far from peak health and still couldn’t quite get around on his own but he was back on his feet and that was something. Even if he couldn’t manage it for very long but, luckily, either Mina or one of his teammates were there to make sure he and the ground didn’t meet anytime soon. 

     Still, there was only so much to occupy the hero’s time in the base. Only so much television he could watch and only so many hours he could spend talking to the others. Apart from overseeing a certain project, a new addition to the chamber he spent more and more time in these days, nothing of note had happened and it was making him restless. The worst part was that no one was letting him leave the base, not for a little while longer anyway and he wasn’t in a very patient mood. 

     Nevermind that he wanted out, but he still needed to check on Lil. While he didn’t doubt any of the updates Amy and Tekno had been sending nearly everyday, he still wanted to see his alternate for himself. To given them a proper thanks, and then promptly scold them for being so reckless, hypocritical as it would have been.

     But it seemed Lil had beaten him to the punch, at least somewhat, and when the hero saw the letter amongst all the other gifts his curiosity had come full swing. Seemed a little archaic but it didn’t stop him from opening it and reading over its contents. Just the first three words had him feeling better than he had in the last few weeks. 

     Worry had come over him soon after, however. Hearing that the other was still in pain and going to be wheelchair bound caused a guilt to surge in the hero right along with it. He had been hoping it wasn’t that bad, but it seemed it had been wishful thinking. He was just glad that their version of the fox was there to help, not to mention Amy and Tekno if Lil needed it. Though he had to chuckle at the mentioned joke. Yeah, he imagined the doctors weren’t impressed with that one at all.

    At least it seemed they were on the same page with wanting to see one another, and Arrow was going to make sure that happened sooner rather than later. Even if he had to sneak out. Mina would have his hide, but it would be worth it. But it didn’t take long for a smile to come to Arrow’s muzzle as he read the rest. Right, they did still have that date, didn’t they? Although the four of them doing karaoke? Seemed a little one sided but it did pique the hero’s interest. 

     He was engrossed in the letter enough that he hadn’t noticed his partner coming to stand over his shoulder until she nudged his head with her own. The resulting jump made her give an apologetic look, and a small kiss to a tan cheek for good measure, before both of them turned back to the piece of paper. It didn’t take long for Mina to get caught up and the next words out her mouth weren’t ones the hero had been expecting. 

     “Think it’s time to go visit?” There was little to suggest she was kidding, and after looking at one another the hero knew she was being quite serious. It was due time, and she wanted to see Lil too. She had a lot to thank him for. 

     It was only because of Lil that she could still look into those eyes she loved so much, still far from their usual green but still full of the life she had been so drawn to. Especially now that a visit was in the works and she swore the hero’s smile could have lit up that whole room, even with the playful spark just under it all.  “I’d say so. ‘S long as you don’t mind supporting me on the way there, of course.”

     “How is that different than any other day?” The mongoose hadn’t missed a beat as she smiled at him, leaning forward to give wrap her arm around his shoulders for a hug, or as close to it as she could get with him sitting on the couch and her standing behind it. “We’ll go in a day or two, promise.”

#give a little time to me | queue #| post event #dragged in the deep end but never drowned | lil #mina | guest stars #lilbluespeedster #reading all the papers | asks #long post tw

[secret-realm]

I'm sorry for doing this after such a long time, but just now I actually came here to write.

During the first of January I was having my last exams of the term. Then, the week after (last week) I went on a trip.

On Monday, I went out to find a job (I wasn't lucky tho because they didn't call me, but I'll keep searching) and these last few days I have been here... Not doing much, which makes me feel bad because there're a lot of things I want to do. I haven't even posted any writing. Anyway, that's not the point...

>> What I want to say is that I hope you have a peaceful year. It doesn't need to be something out of this world, but good enough for you to always stay safe and healthy. I wish you all the best in this new journey. I hope for you to be able to overcome what pushes you down. It is not going to be easy, that's for sure. And it may take awhile to reach where we want to be, but it doesn't matter. This is not a race after all. So, let's take our time to keep working on ourselves to learn how to appreciate who we are.

I know how difficult it can be. Sometimes I too feel like there is no point in what I'm doing, and that I'm not enough. I really dislike the fact that the 'sometimes' may be more frequent than I would like to admit. But I know that I am capable of doing what I want, if I keep working. That is what I want to believe. Even when things get hard. And maybe we may fall back to the start at some point, but we must believe in ourselves, right?

I believe in you, lovely people. And I hope you do to. Maybe not now, maybe in the future. Hopefully sooner than later, but eventually everyone will reach the place where they want to be. We'll get there. So, let's go in this journey. I hope we all get good experiences from all we're going to learn.

Please stay safe and healthy! Take care! 💜

Lots of love. Xx

-L🪐

ps. Last Saturday was my birthday (which reminds me that I must update my info because I'm now 22 🥳 and yes, of course I was looking forward to Mammon's call the most. Although, you could have guessed that, huh?) and I bought a new set of colours, so I'll try to start drawing those ideas I've had at the back of my head since a while ago.

I'm not good at drawing yet because I only draw sporadically, but I'll try to do my best when drawing my beloveds.

ps 2. The amount of times I've trying to post this from my phone?? I hope now it works since I'll do it from my laptop.

#Somewhat of a late new year post #But never is too late to send some love (?) #obey me! #Obey me! Mammon #mammon #om mammon

[towheremymindwanders]

473) Thought dump: 1/13/19

You never seem to hold anything down can you?

The girl was on Christmas vacation for the better part of a month. We went on that date to see Free Solo right before that. Texted her right before I went to Toronto for a week and she told me to let her know when I got back.

Tried to strike up conversation with her after I came back on New Year’s day, but it didn’t really seem to go anywhere. Then the other day happened:

“I know it’s been a while since we last hungout, but I was just curious if you still wanted to see each other? I’d like to get to know you more, but if you feel different now I won’t take offense. Just didn’t want to leave any loose ends!”

“Hey! Sorry for not answering for a while, I’ve been in work training. to be honest, I’ve kind of lost taste for trying to see people or go on dates. I’m too set for school and work to try and start something, however, I love hanging out with you and would totally be down to chill as friends. Thanks for checking in!”

Cordial, I guess. I suppose I had already seen it coming, but I’m still disappointed by the confirmation. Saw that she unmatched me on Tinder too, so it looks like that road hadn’t led anywhere.

I had hope. It was the farthest I’d gotten in all these years in a relationship on my own. Guess I just fell for the idea of being with her too quickly. Why am I like this? Why can’t I seem to just get something? Anything.

Back to square one, again.

So where’s that leave us now? With Treasure, cause she’s still there. I guess I’m just really desperate for companionship. But why? I couldn’t tell you. Maybe cause I’m graduated and I don’t have that constant stream of social interaction from my classes.

My computer was giving me issues ever since I got back from Canada, took me about two weeks to fix, but I finally got it up and running. Had to update Lightroom because I got a new camera too, cause the old version couldn’t edit the new camera files. When I was going through the catalog, I saw the pictures from Colorado. And for whatever reason I clicked on them.

But this time I wasn’t so sad as I was before. Just disappointed I guess. You know the stages of grieving or whatever, I was at the acceptance stage. Or at least I think anyway. I put all the pictures together in a Google Drive folder, and I wrote a note to Treasure at the end of it. 

Hi [Treasure], I hope you've found this. You might be thinking, "[Me], again with the cryptic messages." We haven't spoken since my last drunk essay to you, I realized the next morning that the ending was really fucking emotional. Sorry if I made you cry. I'm sorry that my emotions had to get in the way of our friendship. I'm sorry for where we are now. But to tell you the truth, it's always been like this, since we first met four, almost five years ago. Did you ever notice? The times we did go on adventures, you asked if we wanted to invite anyone else to come with us, that I usually always found some way to say no? I just wanted you to myself, and a handful of times I got that. But it was terrifying, in the sense that I knew my emotions might develop more, and fighting with my conscious that I could lose your friendship as a result. So right before I went abroad, I thought that I needed to say something. That's when we had that conversation in my car, and I told you about how I felt. That was one of the most petrifying moments I ever remember. I had a lot of shit happen in the past, just because I wasn't upfront from the beginning, and to be honest I'm still a bit traumatized from it. I thought that if I told you then, I could just run away across the ocean and not have to think about it. That's pretty much what happened. I don't remember you ever giving me a response to that, but I told you that you didn't have to, guess one would've been nice. Fast forward to the end of summer. Colorado. I still think about that time almost everyday. Maybe someone needs to slap me and tell me to get a grip, but everyday it finds some way to get back into my head. That's why I wanted to share with you these photos. I was really, really happy here. Mountains, hiking, photos, and you. We held hands, a lot. I was close to kissing you, the morning when you were warming your hands on my neck, you were right there, it was the closest I ever got, but I chickened out. I just kept thinking about what more trouble it was going to cause, but I hate myself for not just giving in. I gave you a kiss on the cheek that night after you stopped crying. I thought about it again when we were driving back home, the sunset where we pulled off the road. That would've been perfect, and I keep thinking about how I should've. It's taken a lot for me to recover from that. The morning after at your parents', it just felt like something was off. And the drive back, when I was talking to [Friend] about our trip. I knew things weren't going to stay pretty. Then we had that talk at Zera's. You slapped my car windows and told me, that we were still gonna be friends. I just wasn't quite sure. When you went to Germany, I found a place to live, got a new car, started my job. The first couple weeks were fucking miserable. I had no idea what was happening, I hadn't kept up much with my friends here in Denton, and I live alone. Things are better now, I found my friends again, but I feel really isolated from time to time. I've actually tried to use Tinder, and I got a few dates out of it. Kept my mind off of you for a bit, and it was nice, but never for too long. Life always likes to hand me the shit cards, it's been nine years by myself and counting now. I guess I don't really know what the purpose of this whole thing is, I guess I need closure, maybe that's why I just can't stop thinking about it. One of my friends said I should see a therapist, but I don't know if it was that serious or I was just being dramatic. I don't know what they'll think of me sending this to you, probably that I'm stupid and should move on. There's a piece of paper that you drew on that I still have, two people hiking up a mountain, looks like they're holding hands. I thought it might be us. At least this one I wrote sober.

That was Wednesday. She said she was going to write me back at some point. We’ll see where that goes I guess.

I wonder if you check up on this. I miss you.

#thought dump #treasure