#anyway this is what triggered the v surreal nightmare because it's a few days away

[haughttopics]

didn’t think i’d be able to wake up in a cold sweat when my room is 27 degrees but turns out a ptsd related nightmare will do the trick

#ended up dozing off this evening because i was exhausted and i had the first nightmare i've had in a lil while #and it's because of my birthday which is soon #one of the worst traumatic incidents i went through with my mother happened on my birthday as a kid #all because i couldn't decide on what i wanted to do that day #ever since then i've generally really struggled with my birthday and it makes me feel weird #it's good to replace bad memories with new good ones but i end up feeling guilty and scared to ask people to do things with me #which is also part of a separate issue i'm still working on in therapy #i end up feeling like i'm just wasting people's time and that they'd rather be anywhere else #i know that's just a projection of my own internal feelings about myself but it's hard to rewrite that after everything that happened #anyway this is what triggered the v surreal nightmare because it's a few days away #and i'm writing these tags because idk how to talk about this to someone directly who isn't my therapist #but i already had my appointment this morning lol #anyway now i'm very aware of the heat again and i hate it