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awhst-alt · 3 years

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I HAD THE BEST BYLER DREAM LAST NIGHT AND I REALLY WANNA SHARE IT WITH YOU ALL

it's so long (literally 2k words) so im gonna put it under the cut haha <3

so basically this would take place after mike and will start dating or something, idk exactly the time frame (i picture them being like 18 or something and this is the summer before college) and will goes to this summer arts program for like 2/3 months (i dunno how long american summer is but something like that) and its all the way far from home so there is dorms and stuff and he's "not in hawkins anymore" (no pun intended)

mike and will decide after will finishes his school they'd go to college together (cuz they're gonna be comic book artists together bc thats boyfriend shit) so throughout these months he's practically just waiting for will (<333333)

so one specific scene i remember from my dream involved will and mike getting off the bus to the school and then they hug and then mike grabs wills hand and brings him behind the bus and then he gives will a biggg kiss bc he won't be able to kiss him for 3 months. then they say they love each other and will gives him another quick kiss and is like "two kisses". they agree they'd call each other every day.

so will goes inside and mike goes back on the bus and goes home.

and basically the whole day is a whirl, until the end of it, in which mike is sitting in the kitchen near the phone waiting for like 3 hours for will to call, and will doesn't end up calling.

AND THEN IT GETS SPICYYYYY

so meanwhile at the arts program will asks like the front desk or something if he can call mike and they say phone is offlimits and they don't let him call mike

so then will goes to sleep and he's paranoid that he thinks mike is gonna hate him or something like that

mk than the next day in class there is this girl (they didn't reveal her name in the dream, ill call her stella) so stella is basically looking at will the entire class but will doesn't know it

so when they exit the class stella's like "hi" and will says "hi"

then stella says "i like your painting."

will is like rlly weirded out so he goes "thanks?"

"i um- hope this doesn't sound weird but i have no friends, do you want to be mine?"

"sure"

and then end of scene (this does not sound like a normal conversation but it's my dream so it doesn't have to make sense"

so BACK AT HAWKINS mike is still sleeping even tho it's like 3 pm because yk depressed boyfriend shit but then the PHONE RINGS and mike gets out of bed frantically and goes to the phone and he picks it up and is like "will?" and then it answers "it's el, idiot"

i feel like this is important for context but el speaks english very well now and hoppers back and she lives with hopper and not the byers anymore. ANYWAYS

el says "how's will?"

mike says "idk he didn't call"

"he didn't?"

"no, he didn't"

"okay. well maybe he will call later"

"yeah mb"

"wanna come over"

"ok"

so mike hangs up and gets changed and goes to el's house bc they r a couple o' besties and when he gets there it's like a therapy sessions bc mike usally talks to will every single day and he can't for like 3 months (unless will calls, but he's not going to) so he accepts he's gonna be depressed for 3 months and he's just talking to el about how he's gonna miss him so much and no be able to see his face and that shit

so el's like "well do u wanna do something to take ur mind off of him"

and mike's like "no im not gonna replace will" (I SCREAMED IN MY DREAM SRSLY)

but than el says "okay. guess im gonna go to the mall by myself" (ig starcourt is rebuilt by now)

and than mike bolts up and is like "fine"

"we can by something for will"

"okay yay"

so then they go to starcourt yasss!!

anyways back at the art school will is having lunch and stella is with he friends (even tho she said she doesn't have any friends) and one of her friends is like "omg did you see _____ he's so hot"

and another friend says "YESS! but ____ is cuter"

"what abt u stella? who do u have ur eyes on"

she says "byers" BUT NOOOOOOO WILL IS MIKES MAN

and they say "ew that kid who came back to life"

she says "yea. but he's cute, and shy, and once i wrap them around my finger i can get them to do anything"

so then she goes to sit down next to will at lunch

"hi will"

"hi"

"hru"

"im good"

"okay. good." and she gets upset because will goes ask how she is but she keeps her urging rage inside. and than they have this weird conversation and will is uncomfortable the whole time bc shes all like flirting with him and will is seeing someone obvi

but then she puts a hand on will's shoulder and he's shaking and then says something (idk what it is it wasn't explaining in my dream) then will stands up and runs to the bathroom. so he's just sitting in the stalls crying.

okay back at starcourt this part wasn't shown in my dream but im just gonna make up that mike and el go looking around starcourt for something for will (sort of like the mike/lucas/will montage where they were looking for stuff for el) and then i guess they find something for will and i don't have the slightest idea what they could have got for him BUT THEY GOT HIM SOMETHING GOOD

so mike's all happy but they'res still that depression inside of him lol

so fast forward a week, it really isn't explained but ill just make up that will still hasn't called mike, and he's super sad and all sleeping in but decides to look through his good ol binder full of will's drawings and in the arts school will and stella have a few more interactions im sure which are still very uncomfortable

okay so it's lunch again in the cafeteria and somehow will and stella are talking again but somehow it ends in stella kissing will and will like pulls away immediatley and is like "what is wrong with you!?"

and she says "what?"

"i'm seeing someone!"

"oh i uh- i didn't know."

the whole cafeteria is staring at them

so will's freaking out almost on the verge of a panic attack "idk what to do, he's gonna hate me and-"

"he?"

will has the look on his face like shit shit shit oh fuck no

"you're gay?"

"i-"

and will runs off once again. and everyone in the whole cafeteria knows that he's day and ofc with everybody being homophobic will knows it's not good at all bc everyone's gonna bully him

so then the next day he goes to class and the teacher is like "does anyone care to tell me where ___ is?" (it would be like a math question like 'where x is' but in art idkkk) and then the teacher calls on "will? can you tell me where ___ is?" and they'res a pause and then the teacher says "or perhaps you'd want to find your boyfriend instead?" (giving me anne with an e vibes prolly cuz i did a rewatch last weekend but i won't explain more in case some people haven't watched it but) anyways will stands up from his seat, everyone is looking at him, and he's shaking and so concerned but then he goes "fuck. you" badass will yeaaaa thats my boy

so then he runs out of the classroom and out of the school in a really cool montage way but then he realizes he's like 2 hours away from home but he runs and runs and he goes to a random bustop (it's not even garanteed if it takes him to hawkins but whatever) he gets on and tries to go back to hawkins.

and soon enough, he gets there, and immediatley goes to the wheelers because he needs to see mike and apologize for everything. so he's at the wheelers, and rings the doorbell, realizing he's still in his uniform lol but karen answers and mike is upstairs in his room sulking (i picture it would be 8 pm by now) so will asks for mike and karen calls mike. mike groans obviously because he doesn't know it's his boy, but he comes down, karen gets out of the way and as soon as he sees will they have a really big hug and it's super sweet and my heart UFHEIOSKA

mike says his usual "are you okay?" and mike is still confused as shit but will says "i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry" and mike says "you don't have to be sorry for anyrhing" but will says "ill explain"

so then they go to will's room, side-by-side on his bed and will starts explaining everything

(this is mostly improvised by me but it's still pretty similar to the dream)

"i hated it."

"the school?"

"yeah. there was no you, (mike blushes lmao), everything was terrible, i felt so lonely, they didn't let me call you-"

"what?"

"they said the phone was off limits. i wanted to talk to you so bad and i thought you'd hate me"

"i could never hate you, will, even if i tried." will smiles

"and then there was this girl, and she hit on me and i didn't know what to do bc i'd be the face of the school if i told her i was dating you and was gay and today she kissed me"

"WHAT"

"im sorry im sorry i didn't kiss back and i was so scared bc i never was in a relationship before and i was so scared it was considered cheating-"

and mike LAUGHSS

"what? mike? what's wrong?"

"if you don't do anything back, it's not considerd 'cheating'"

"oh. good. are you mad at me?"

"what? no! no never!" so mike opens his arms and says "come here" so will and mike hug or something like that and then mike says "do you need me to beat her up?"

and will says "you can't even beat eggs. besides, your noodle arms wouldn't be able to do harm to even a fly"

so mike laughs and says "i'm glad your home"

so will blurts "i cursed out a teacher"

"you? cursing?"

"yes."

"might have to start calling you a bad boy now"

will just smiles and says "i love you"

and mike says "i love you too"

AND THEN END AND IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF BC I LOVE THIS DREAM LIKE I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BRAIN THOUGHT OF THIS BUT IM OBSESSED

ALSO ONCE I FINISH WYBMFFAE ILL PROBABLY WRITE THIS INTO A FULL BLOWN FIC BUT AHIHFUSAH

edit: i have no idea what mike did with the present him and el bought for will but i guess they ended up giving it to him lol

#byler

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angelblumes · 3 years

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food ment. Helllooooooo ugh would you like me to beat her up perhaps end up like her namesake, og mischa?(jk im not a (cannibal)) time to bust out the therapy voice tho , you will find your people and they will love you. Ok. ok wtf is happening? are we like the same person or something? wellbutrin buddies ❤ my room needs to be clean and moved the whole sha bang but I cant😔 life needs to be lived and such. I hope you arrived safely and happily and that everything is slightly better for you than it was last message and that you didn't get too carsick. my power went out today for like 3 seconds everything turned off everything , it usually takes alot for that to happen for my house just because its old and other reasons that I dont actually know. I've had a jam out session yesterday, it was so relaxing 😌 🙌 danced my little heart out to them guys I told you about. There's something abt the murders in hannibal that just does it for me... the artistry of it all. I love it when we talk outside of the 5 daily things too!!! hey, did you get that 'you're so mature for your age' as a kid or 'you've got an old soul' ? whats ur thoughts on that? I personally cant really imagine saying that to a kid maybe its a generational thing? ok 🙄😁 I like commentary ive been watching reactions? on youtube its a guilty pleasure, also I've been getting into some reality tv. Wife swap is crazy I love it alot and then the dating ones because ofc. whats one of the 1st reality show you remember watching and not hating? Honey Boo Boo and I Am Jaz (I think?) were my top two choices of reality. maybe a rewatch is in order for me. ok daily things um a guitar got brought into my house today i... its very.. it made me weirdly happy I love music and its instruments. thank goodness tbh my med were just a little later than usual, the pharmacy gave me emergency 3 days for they can figure out whats up because this is the second time we are having the same problem 😅 I had the best brownie of my life, it was store bought but like from the bakery fav dessert. I got this "new" shirt on so comfy, its tie dyed splattered different blues with an astronaut and nasa logo in white, its cute but also like 3? sizes too big (its a hand me down) dont worry abt the guy if a next time happens ill be ready for it 💪 it will go down, I personally know the man's family I will ruin his life if it comes down to it (we live in a town idk if it's small)or realistically just sic my family onto him. I found out my cousin has a gf now and is apparently very much happier than she was with her ex man (who made awesome cheesecake btw off topic tho) gay people stay winning, I did not know she was not straight tho so happy little surprise 😁 jeez its a lot of words uh I hope you're doing good and you had a good sleep and other nice stuff happen to you and you had a good trip🌷🤟🤙❤

HELPPP u are an angel. thank u❤️. and right exactly. normalize thinking fictional murders are artistic or something . thinkin abt how i used to think criminal minds murders were interesting but never had the right words so i'd just be like "woah he *kills them weirdly*? cool"😭. BUT YEAH i did get that all the time omfg "ur so mature for ur age!!" like thanks it's because i have issues and problems 💀....hmm i hate reality tv HAHA. this gc i'm in was just talking abt wife swap the other day how crazy !! idk if i've EVER liked reality tv .... i like watching commentary abt it (like uhh cody ko's stuff) but watching it myself... nope😭. daily things lets see!!! i went to the baltimore aquarium:) i was exhausted tho. saw that a tiktoker i like (hello fem will graham cosplayers...) went there a few days before me. how funny! i wish we had met and fallen in love or something. i went to bed at 5pm yesterday and slept til 3am. then went back to sleep from 6am to 10am. i think my new adhd/anxiety meds are the cause. sadly. cuz they work! but by making me too tired to be nervous or start thinking too much🥲. i'm tired 24/7 already and thats not helping LOL! i had this fancy meal ok multiple fancy meals and it was really nice. i got chesapeake chicken (haha like chesapeake ripper am i right?!?) and it had crab but i'm crazy i'm crazy i didn't eat the crab. the texture was soooo bad. anyway at another place i got a burger bc i'm lame i don't eat seafood (besides shrimp. which i am allergic to.) and i ate almost the whole thing and my friends mom said she was proud of me😭❤️. i always feel so guilty after eating a lot and that made me feel good. i've started watching more vampire video game play throughs. what can i say. vampire masquerade: bloodlines did something to my brain where i like vampire games now. it's the same guy which is cool. i dont like finding new youtubers becuz i've never kept up w whose problematic or not... like what if i get really into someone and mention it and someone's like oh yeah he preys on women. wtf. like umm cry? is he a youtuber? is he evil? cuz i was looking for a pathologic gameplay and he had one and i was like hmm... he sounds familiar. he has probably done something ? maybe? mm lastly.... i read this hunger games hannibal crossover WEEKS AGO but it's just still on my mind. i don't particularly love the hunger games but it's only bc i don't really know a lot abt it. i enjoy it but i've only seen the movies and read the first book (until rue died. never picked it up again after that! i cried a lottttt) and there's like an absurd amount of hannibal crossovers. i guess bc hannibal would totally rule in the hunger games. like come on a CANNIBAL? the uh.. capitol? they'd go crazyyyy for that. the fic itself wasn't even that groundbreaking or anything i have a lot of criticism for it tbh but it opened my brain to the concept. i have another one opened in a tab but it's super long so i haven't made much headway. i want one where it's like.... the one where the old winners come back for a game! and then they escape😈. but in the one i read will and hannibal sort of just escape anyway in a normal hunger game. like ok cool but i don't think that's plausible. but then how would it work ? like could will win a game on his own? maybe i should write my own fic. but then i'd have to understand what happens in the hunger games /j. ugh ok i was thinking abt that one scene where idk they do the little hand signal thing and drag katniss away and go to shut the door like right as they shoot that guy in the head. THAT WAS SO CRAZY. or when katniss shoots the lady instead of president snow and then everyone just descends on him💀 i feel like there's a level of nuance and understanding that i just don't have so i say "woah! cool :)" i hope ur doing well too ily❤️❤️💗

#a 'guilty' pleasure of mine is watching hunger games amvs LMFAO #asks #5 daily things #long post

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nostaligic88 · 4 years

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!I’m not sure why I’m writing this, but I feel like I have the need to do it anyway.

I have my therapy appointment tomorrow, so I want to discuss about what I’ve been through for the past two weeks for preparation.

I want to start off with what happened today (7/27) because it affected me in a way that made cry:

I came to work ready to do my thing but we all detected Citlalli was off. It doesn’t take words to realize that. Body language is inevitable and shows what the person is feeling. But long story short, Elliot talked to us at the end about what happened. I found out that I hurt Alisha because of my tone or something else. I take full responsibility for that because that it never my intention to throw her off. But i did. But a part of me blames Citllali for starting off bad because she does not allow us to help her out. And that ticked me off because when she gets like that she literally shuts down and work becomes unpleasant and harder. I told her that but she does not apologize at all. Instead she does what she always do, walk away in a bad note with the “fuck it i quit. bye.” that’s just so unprofessional because we will see each other all again on Friday and we just want to get finish our tasks the best way we can. Leaving on a bad note doesn’t allow that for happen. I apologized to Alisha as soon as I felt guilty. She said is okay but is truly not. I just want her forgiveness... but I also forgive myself.

On our way home Elliot and I discussed about our day and other stuff and we went home on a good note. Him and I tend to discuss and talk things out because that’s just the kind of persons we are for some reason. He said interesting things and I take note of them. Things like: I should eventually talk to my mom and my brother. Things like: Im my own person with my own opinions. Things like: He went outta pocket. Things like: He definitely sees that and that has almost everything with the way he treats me with violence. Things like: he has anger problems.

I got home. I said good night to mother. Then it was just me thinking about Citllali and Alisha....thinking about my family... thinking that I have to face them....eventually. Thinking about why am I in this position....I felt so stressed about it that I cried. Sitting on the couch, resting my head in my hands, letting my tears pour over my cheeks, I surrendered to my feelings. I was asking for help. I found myself asking for Jesus Christ to come help me because I want to keep living. I have a future and I want to be in it so come help my lord and guide me through this turbulence for I know is temporary. I did this because I have faith...for my future ya know?

I was overwhelmed at that moment of surrender. I grabbed my laptop and here I am... typing, writing about my day because I want to go to work on Friday better than I have before. Please Lord I want this. Help me.

=----------===----------===-------=====-------====0--0-----====

Well that was today... but I want to write about one more thing. I want to write about what happened to me this, Sunday, and Monday, and Tuesday. Just facts.

Sunday afternoon, I asked if I can ride with Edgar and his friends (nothing new) and he said yes. As I was getting ready, putting on my clothes, grabbing my camera, and all that, Edgar tells me “come but don’t come here with your bad vibe.” I said “what? what do you mean?” I was hurt. “I don’t know” he said. “But thats what angel and charlie told me”

“About what?”

“They said you was mad at them giving them a whole nasty atttiude that day on the garage?”

“Because I was on the phone? thats my garage anyway I can feel whatever I want. In fact, they were the angel was the one giving me a whole attitude as if I cant act all surprise for seeing them in my garage?”

Edgar ignored me and walked away.

I stayed home and I didnt go. I was upset. I was angry. I was hurt. I felt betrayed. I was fed up. Home alone... I wrote a facebook post about it.

I wrote what happened exactly in two paragraphs with the intention of having my brother read it.

He found out and sent me an very rude and abbrut text message, calling me childish for writing it on facebook. (right but lets not forget your hyprocite ass for writing a whole IG post about Saul xD but thats fine right because is you? no...) I dont feel sorry for chosing the way I express myself because after all I am a writer and you my brother are not a listener. You are not. Because I have SEEN it myself. In fact, you wholly admitted that you thrashed your bike in front of your ex just for “talking heavy” (that is a clear anger problem)

and yet, you demand me to talk to you. No brother. I deserved an apology for disrepecting me.

That was Sunday.

Monday came and I woke up to Angel confronting me “hey you got a problem with me and edgar? wassup? whats up?” all confrontational and shit. Excuse me? what do you have to do with me and edgar? nothing. so shut the fuck up. yall are exactly alike. impulsive. emotional. act based on emotional state and dont use ur brains. your like little babies. fuck off. get blocked.

This proved to me that Edgar talks shit about me to his little teenage boys. I know thats true and i don’t forget that day you humiliated me infront of them and my boyfriend because I forgot my wallet.

I do not forget that day you demanded money aand interrp[uted my therapy session

I do not forget thart day you fucked made me and amy whole fmaily sacred as shit because you broke th4e law lost 2000 dollars from my pops and you gegt away wit it!@!!!!!!!!!! AND I SUFFER FROM NYOUR DISRECXPECT. I9M FUCKING DONE!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU1!!!!!!

Let alone how you treated my brother luis over the uber accounts!!!~! I WAS NOT IN FAVOR WITH YOUR BEHAVIOUR BUT YOU ALWAYS GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING. is my family that made you like that but you must be blamed for it too.

You betrayed me after all that i did for you, You talk shit behind my back because what? i dont pay rent? you claim you’re better than my family but youre a machista for saying that. because youre the breadwinner you entitiled to disrespect your sister=? you might have learned that from my father. but i wont let you do it again to me.

i have endured phsyucal violance from ym father, my mother, my brother tony. and im tired of being bullied by you. im your sister. love me. respect me. u have a choice.

Last thing, you disrespected me and my boyfreidn at the same time with that message. How dare you talk to him like that? You don’t even know him. When have you ever found me talk to you girl like that over our own problems? I never because I know respect. Would you like that to happen to you? Tell your girl about our problems? I don’t tjhink so becuase NO ONE DOES.

How dare you talk to me in most machista tone ever. “Come get your fucking girl” EXCUSE ME? “girl?!” IM YOUR FUCKING SISTER., I HAVE A NAME. I HAVE A SOUL. IM A PERSON WIRTH FEELINGS THE DESERVES TO LIVE WITH DIGNITY,. THATS A BASIC HUMAN RIGHT. HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE IM SOME OBJECT PASSED AROUND FROM ONE PERSON TO THE NEXT. HOW DARE YOU TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT YOUR SISTER TO HER BOUYFRIEND. YOU WENT OUTTA POCKET. WHAT DO YOU GAIN FROM THATT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m done taking your beatings. I’m done. I’m fucking done. ITS TIME FOR ME TO SET MY BOUNDARIES. IS TIME FOR ME TO SHOW YOU WHEN AND WHERE YOU CROSS THE LINE. IS TIME FOR ME TO START DEFENDING MYSLEF AND SAY NO1!!! 1!!!Q!

In the end, “I’m thankful. Because now I know what I must do”.

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fahrminbrahmin · 7 years

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ED Questions: nobody asked for this but im bored lmao

1. which eating disorder(s) do you have?

tbh nobody has said a specific name to me drs just say either ‘eating issues’ or ‘eating disorder’ so ednos?

 2. when did you develop your eating disorder?

this is hard to answer bc looking back ive shown signs since ~early teenage years but ive been fully aware of it for about 2-2.5 years

 3. are you currently in recovery?

im in therapy, its bought up every other session but i tend to avoid mentioning it so yes and no

 4. honestly, do you want to recover?

again, yes and no. I often h a t e feeling like this but?? the pros out way the cons at this point

 5. how are you doing today?

unhealthily? great! lol i hit my next gw this week and p much all my cals have been from alcohol lmao healthily? p bad ive only eaten a cruskit and some lettuce & im kinda depressed these past days but hey! idc

 6. 5 safe foods?

lettuce! so much lettuce i can easily go through a head a day. honestly, its the only thing i can eat without feeling any semblance of guilt.

 7. 5 fear foods?

tbqh, its such a long list everything p much. at the height of my fear of food i saw the word protein and freaked the F out so protein

 8. do you count calories?

yeah but im really good at lying to myself about how many calories ive actually eaten lmao

 9. what is your max calorie limit?

i say 550, but anything over 250 makes me feel like utter shit but then again, anything makes me feel shit lol

 10. what is your height?

5′3″ / 161cm

 11. what is your ultimate goal weight?

it was 49.5kg! but i hit that so its 48.7kg atm itll go down again tho

 12. are you trying to lose weight?

absolutely yes

 13. have you ever been called “fat”?

honestly i cant even remember if i have or not

 14. have you ever been called “too thin”?

ive been called ‘small’ but not too thin. the dream tbh

 15. what is your current goal weight?

48.7kgs

 16. what was your highest weight?

when i first started weighing myself regularly, 61kgs

 17. what was your lowest weight?

49.1kgs

 18. do you wish you were back at your lowest weight?

im there rn

 19. does your family know about your eating disorder?

yes, i dont talk to a lot of ppl and p much everyone knows

 20. do your friends know about your eating disorder?

yeah, one of my best friends was actually the first person i told

 21. do you wish you didn’t have an eating disorder?

yes and no, i hate feeling like this toward myself and food. but ive always hated myself so this is an improvement so its a really happy side effect

 22. have any “free foods”?

lettuce!! lettuce lettuce lettuce. and tea

 23. how often do you weigh yourself?

every day when i wake up. id say morning but i have a shit sleep schedule lol

 24. thinspo or bonespo?

neither tbh im more of a i-have-an-ed-more-to-harm-myself-less-to-be-thin kinda gal

 25. biggest problem area on your body?

my chubby chubby cheeks. the great irony is that my ed gave me chipmunk cheeks which hasnt helped any but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 26. favourite part of your body?

tbqh i like my waist. its not tiny but its p good imo

 27. what kind of results do you want to see?

booooooones!!

 28. do you purge?

:/ yeah

 29. do you take laxatives?

yes but i have bowel problems anyway so its the constant struggle of do i take the reccomended amount or do i overdose lmao its always overdose

 30. how often do you purge?

it goes in cycles, some weeks i purge every day, other weeks its could be 1-2 times a week.

 31. do you binge?

by definition, no, but often times ill eat and say to myself its a binge

 32. how long have you fasted for?

im SHIT at fasting, probably like 18-19 hours

 33. who’s your biggest thinspiration?

hands around thighs really get me. also protruding rib cages thats the dream.

 34. favourite eating disorder movie/show/documentary?

none! ive only seen maybe half an ed doc i cant get through one. But! I have a book of stories of girls w/ eds and there was one story about a white/polynesian girl with an ed with identity issues and she was l i t e r a l l y me i still have that book

 35. favourite thinspo picture?

again, any pic of fingers touching around thighs. LUV it

 36. can you post a photo of yourself/your body?

ive only posted 2 body checks lol, u can see them here

 37. how does your eating disorder affect your life?

Im literally obsessed with food nd my body ive isolated myself from everyone/thing in my life and everything i do is a number i h8 it

 38. what is your BMI?

currently, 19.1  39. do you follow a diet?

yeah, as little calories as possible lmao

 40. least favourite part about your eating disorder?

most if not all of it? its all i think about

 41. has your eating disorder ruined any relationships?

yes? if we group my ed with all my other mental health problems, i isolate myself from everyone i havent seen one of my best friends in over a year so YA

 42. do you have a “guilty pleasure” food? what is it?

c h o c o l a t e. it is very much a guilty pleasure lool

 43. meanspo or sweetspo?

not about the whole concept tbqh

 44. does anyone else in your life have an eating disorder?

the saddest part, most women i know have expressed r admitted to doing some really shitty stuff to themselves in order to be thin

 45. ever been inpatient?  / 46. ever been outpatient? / 47. ever been in residential care? / 48. ever been in a psych ward?

nah but ive been threatened with it

 49. are you currently in therapy?

yeah, individual therapy and DBT

 50. what did you eat today?

a cruskit, 1 gummy lolly, ~4 leaves of lettuce and 3 glasses of wine lmao

 51. are you scared about the holidays?

yes bc ill make a pavlova and ofc im gonna eat it rip :/

 52. are your family/friends supportive?

kind of, if im in a healthy mind set i know they care but dont really know how to go about it. but they let me do a lot of shitty things to myself

 53. have any other mental illnesses?

’severe social anxiety’, emotional disregulation, depression, maybe avpd and/or bpd?

 54. looking for ana buddies?

nopenopenope ill never encourage this

 55. what is your current weight?

as of this morning: 49.1kgs

#personal #eating disorder #eating disorder questions #ed tw #ana #¯\_(ツ)_/¯#t.txt

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