#any y'all wanna be my friend

[grey-has-rusted]

hi guys

#ramblings #this is embarrassing but uhm #any y'all wanna be my friend #i really don't know how to make friends #and im also scared about messaging people i used to talk to #so uhm #if we used to talk and don't anymore ill be more than happy to reconnect!! #and im always open to making new friends of course

[mysillyside]

meeeeeeee

#me when i have 256 diff things to do but the day only has 24 hours... #if any of my friends/mutuals are reading this pls understand I love talking to y'all!!! ;w; but sometimes I have other things on my mind #that I gotta do before answering bc otherwise I will feel rly on edge and wanna explode idk why!!! also sometimes i'm just tired T_T #idk why I'm like this I'm sorry y'all. I haven't even answered my business emails it's sooo over #💬 katposts #🤪 sillygoofy

[taegularities]

hi hi. uhm small thing regarding cmi. if you're a reader, do lmk what you think please 🤍

#so i got an ask regarding cmi that discouraged the hell out of me #they weren't talking badly about it but kind of comparing me to another author on here and asked me #to postpone my update so they're not overwhelmed with all the reading they'd have to do #i usually don't compare myself with my friends or other writers on here and don't care about posting dates #but that discouraged me more than it should've and i can't get much writing done rn lol #just wanna ask.. if i absolutely had to and didn't finish.. would you guys be okay if i posted cmi8 next weekend instead of this week? #and if i do finish... will y'all be around this saturday? #i'm extremely down for some reason lol but i've been outlining planning changing writing etc this chapter for months now and... #want to make sure you guys are around to read and interact #the community labels are already very bleh so it'd be bleh too if cmi8 didn't get any interaction yk? #in any case.. yeah lmk #and please don't ever compare authors to each other guys :') it no feel good #or ask someone to postpone cos of another writer.. #fic: colour me in

[crazy-as-a-jaybird]

oh would you look at that, the poor tough badass guitarist can't take a tiny little raspberry~

how stupid it is to be afraid of damaging your bandmate's hearing wheh the music you play is damn metal, don't you think he's immune by now

#this is 4G and Electro y'all #i post my children once a hundred years #i don't give a shit about you not liking them anymore i've been through worse #it's all for Liya in any case she'd insist i post this anyway #hi Liya #tickling #tickle stuff #my ocs #my art #ocs tickling #cat ocs #i wanna be cringe #4G is a good friend but by god he's stupid

[hjemne]

I hate being queer bc if two cishets of diff genders talked for 3 hours alone in a club and held hands and walked home together afterwards you'd know where it was going, and yet the best we can get is a goodbye hug and ig DM ahhhbhhh

#he's from ohio so y'all Americans can tell me what that makes you feel #but also ahghhhdggshd hes gorgeous i need him but i don't wanna make the first move and potentially be disrespectful #i also charmed the fuck out of a polish friend by knowing kanapke #anyway hi man from rural ohio i want you carnally what part of 'try on my coat' didnt u understand #rambles #sleeby timenow #but like also i cannot blame and will not get in any way annoyed at a trans person for holding back just a little #but also HI your hands fit so perfectly in mine like hello

[kittyandco]

all my problems would be solved if i were simply held by a robot about 20 times my size

#i shouldn't be vague posting anymore... you know this is about starscream #but the other cons are my friends too so if any of y'all wanna help... you know where to find me #especially breakdown i think he would like holding me 🥺👉👈 #meows

[elshells]

Hey there tumblr, I've missed you. How's it going?

#this past month has been so demanding (still is) and I'm physically and mentally drained of energy more often than not #and I haven't written in so long #but you know what? I'm okay #it hasn't been easy but I'm surviving #and right now life isn't too heck #I'm pushing myself out there more and I'm seeing my friends as often as I can while still prioritizing my own health #and I'm finally starting to feel excited about my own WIPs again! #the spark to write has been out for a little while and I haven't been able to drudge up the interest until now #so hopefully that means good things for the near future! #plus I've missed talking to my online writing buddies and I wanna see how y'all are doing!! #my life hasn't gotten any less busy but I'm gonna try my best to hang out every once in a while #anyway love y'all #rambling in the reblogs as usual oops sorry #life update kinda #ella thinks

[dryedation]

I feel like I make people excited for things I'm just not able to live up to. I make too many promises and plans for things that I think in my head should be no problem following through on, only to then not be able to even come close to reaching that seemingly simple goal and disappointing everyone I hyped up, along with myself.

This is more relevant to my activity on my main blog than here (honestly this blog feels more like an escape from the responsibilities I've made on my other blogs), but for personal reasons I don't feel comfortable enough to talk about it there. Maybe one day, but not now.

For the many of you who likely don't know... I was a part of a collaborative AU/AM known as AccidentVerse: the one with the fusions of outcodes like Vantablack (nightmare!ink) and Silence (dream!error). It was a relatively popular au at the time and I was the official artist for it.

I broke off from the team for reasons that I currently don't have it in me to go into any meaningful detail about (I'm still working through therapy to fully understand what happened to me when I was a part of that group; I'm sure it'll come with time), but one thing I'm now coming to terms with after 3 whole years... is that I constantly felt the need to justify my existence online through my work. I believe I had that issue even before I joined AV, but working for that team certainly made it much, much worse.

I was very young at the time, and I didn't have a whole lot going for me in the vast new social circle I was introduced to (like with any socially awkward 13 year old kid), so my only source of value was through the art that I made for AccidentVerse. And everyone loved it. Everyone I met was amazed at the skill I had for being at such a young age. I was valued, essentially put on a pedestal...

...as long as I was working.

Long story short, it burnt me out. This mindset still carries through to today, where I feel as though I have to maintain my prominence in the UTMV community by continuously working and pumping out new content, because... who would I be if I didn't? It was what I was good at, it was the reason I was so valued by the AV admins in the first place... because without that, I would've been nothing to them.

...

...Working on AV today, after adopting it as the sole owner... it's a struggle. I toil desperately for an ounce of motivation for a project that I just cannot seem to find. Don't get me wrong, I love AV. I love the characters dearly... but I'm starting to question if focusing on AccidentVerse is even healthy for me, with all the trauma I've gained from the people I worked under.

I just... I don't know. All I have is a half finished fic for AV that I practically have had to force myself to work on for the better part of 6 months, even if I genuinely hold some passion for the ideas in it.

I'll remind myself to not make as many promises going forward.

#vent #drye rambles #and this need to earn my value as a person extends to everything else i've worked on #and even to promising to do things with friends #and speaking of... #if you're someone I haven't talked to since like. late spring this year I am so sorry. it's. it's been a struggle #i struggle with regularly talking to even my closest friends these days #its nothing against any of y'all #i didn't lose interest #I didn't forget #i just... ive been going through it man #things have been rough and it's made interacting with and keeping up to date with friends rather stress inducing #ive got so many issues and I dont want anyone I care about to bear the brunt of any of that #i know socially isolating myself isn't good either but I don't really know what else to do. I don't wanna scare anyone away

[nonuggetshere]

PLS elaborate on ur hollow gets found out scenarios I beg

RUBS MY HANDS TOGETHER LIKE A FLY

HERE'S A FEW

The most developed one (and one that even has its own variants) involves their first training session. They've been practising moves for a while and it was finally time to check their combat skills in a battle. Of course, they're like...7, so the knights go easy on them. Still, the hits hurt, and after 2 or 3 more they just burst into tears and can't stop crying even when the knights drop everything and try to comfort them. Pale King was watching them and is absolutely horrified, but pushes his impending emotional crisis away to go comfort his kid. Dryya is also the one that hit them and she's also absolutely horrified and feels guilty.

In another version, that's a variant of FaaF because of course it is, Pale King sort of breaks down one day early on because fuck he loves that kid so much and he wasn't supposed to love them, and they look so much like him and his beloved wife and it just crushes him. He's suddenly regretting all of it, regretting not keeping at least one egg. And when they're alone and he looks at them he finally just breaks down and falls to his knees. And then after a while of crying and apologising, he feels two little hands pet his head.

In a similar vibe to that one, there's one where Pale King and White Lady visibly mourn the child they think is dead, and after realising it PV decides to reveal themself. They end up getting named Joy in that one.

There's one that involves Pale King using weird mind powers on them. Basically, he links their minds together briefly to make sure they're hollow, expecting complete emptiness as he was so sure of his plan working out, only to be met with a very tiny very scared child instead.

There's a version where they just do not vibe with being taken away from their siblings and go back to the Abyss's door and scratch at it and cry, and Pale King finds them there like that.

There's one where they're having a bad dream or dreaming about having a normal life and loving parents (ouch) and they wake up crying. It's early in the day so one of the knights goes to wake them up and get them to the training grounds, but instead they find them crying in their bed.

There's one where Radiance realises they're not hollow very early on and decides to infect them. She can't do anything with a little kid, she just decided to be a spiteful bitch and hit Pale King where it hurts. She pushed her luck though because he's had enough and he's going to show her what a pissed-off wyrm is capable of. They recover, thankfully, but holy shit what a horrible way to find out.

SPEAKING OF HORRIBLE WAYS TO FIND OUT

The last idea is quite dark, so I'm gonna out it under a readmore

TW: physical abuse and child abuse, if you're sensitive to these topics please just skip that last one

The last one involves a staff member who decided to use PV as a punching bag to deal with their stress and problems because they weren't alive so it wasn't wrong, right? But they don't stop either when the poor kid starts crying and makes it clear that they are alive and hurt by this.

Thankfully, Pale King hears a kid crying and goes to check it out and walks in on this. And he damn near murders that fucker right there and then. The only reason he stops himself and calls the guards instead was because he didn't want his kid to see that, but he did scream his head off at the scumbag and gave them quite a bit of scratches after he threw himself between them and PV.

He coaxes PV from under the bed where they hid and gently pulls them onto his lap. They're still sobbing and sniffling and he tries to get them to show him where it hurts all the while speaking softly to them and rocking them in his lap. They pat their tummy and squeal quietly when he puts his hand on it, but calm down as he heals them. He then just holds them on his lap and comforts them for a long time, all the while rubbing their belly to try and soothe it.

#asks #I kinda went off on the last one but it makes me very emotional and I love me a parent who goes feral to protect their child #I could go on into more detail on the rest but I don't wanna make it TOO long so!! #If any of y'all wanna hear more about a specific version just send me an ask #Also there are variations where they're found out in early teens and late teens too #PV getting found out in general is my favourite flavour of AU tbh #I also tend to go off into little minifics/drabbles in my friend's dms so there's a 50/50 chance I might drop a drabble on u if you do #follow up on some of these ideas

[ravensmadreads]

.

#i know nobodys really lurking around waiting for me #but just in case i thought id leave this #and like a coward #imma do it at the time i know most of my mutual are offline #anywayyyyyy #im just not feeling great guys im not gonna lie #tbh shits been piling up for a long time #special love to the pedro fandom cause i managed to hyperfixate on it long enough to fend some off #but it's getting bad again #im really grateful for all the love the cm and pedro fandom gave me #and all the lovely friends i managed to find despite the fact that i contribute nothing but vaguely unhinged tags and thots #i know im leaving a couple of series unread in the middle and im sorry about it #The Big Sad is making things hard and irl is kicking my butt big time #there's nothing i want more than to hang out with y'all banging pots and pans and screaming about your talent #but its hard to bring up any kind of enthusiasm right now #and i dont wanna half ass tags/comments when you guys put such soul into your work #so its not goodbye its just a tiny break (hopefully) while i try to smack my brain into submission #I'll try to leave some stuff in the queue #kisses and hugs to you all #raven talks

[hoodieimp]

yeah I think I'm definitely gonna at least make a cohost and/or bluesky at some point (the latter is apparently more like twitter? which is a SM format I'm not particularly interested in but hey, if it means I don't have to go anywhere near the slowly-festering corpse of Xitter just to Have Another Place To Go ,then fine by me) or? maybe even a neocities page??

in the meantime, time to back up my blog Just In Case

#dizzyisms #not that I'm planning on fully abandoning tunglr (at least not right now #but if the Situation continues to get any shittier than it already is then. #if all else fails I'll just fully retreat to Discord (which lbr is the only place where I actually Share my writing and stuff w people) #maybe I'll share my username w mutuals if y'all wanna add me? #but yeah. #some friends are already making noises abt making cohosts #I've met some of my best friends on this garbage fire site and I'd really hate to lose non-message app contact w them #bc discord kinda sucks for hosting gifs n whatnot #also. doesn't the more advanced version of Neocities cost money to maintain? #not that I really Have anything to host on a personal site #but still. all the more reason to *finally fucking get an actual paying job*

[osoreruna]

when i tell you, the pure SHOCK i had on my face when i scrolled through my paused queue and found like, 3 WHOLE UNFINISHED DRAFTS IN THERE —

#𝗦𝗠𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 + [ OOC ] #as in #THOSE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SAVED *TO MY DRAFTS* — #FOR ME TO WORK ON ! TO TYPE UP A REPLY TO ! #NOT ADDED TO THE QUEUE !! #i am embarrassed !! #at least the queue was paused because that'd be even more embarraSSING #imagine me reblogging all of y'all's threads #but with no reply. #just — #anyway i feel obligated to work on those now. #i'll probably do that in between...overwatch or apex games. i haven't decided how tilted i wanna be tonight yet. #if any of y'all like to suffer in these games you are welcome to join i have no friends #also gonna catch up on disco chats because i've been slacking because my brain has been here but also there but also over there — #tbd

[taegularities]

mmh...

#y'all am i broken or smth pls guide me through this #why do i find it so hard to have crushes or date or meet someone new #like i instantly panic when someone gives any hints or someone close to me talks about 'knowing' #someone #like my mom told me about a guy she/her friend knows and asked me if id like to meet him #and nothing about him seems wrong but my mind just instantly goes 🚨🚨🚨 like WHY #like i feel it in my throat #also i do not like those 100 rituals that desi parents fall into the moment their kid tells them they like someone #that whole tumult around it and the 'NOW Y'ALL GOTTA MARRY' bs #but it's not just that i rlly dunno what it is about meeting ppl or relationships like i just wanna be alone and #write my shit and live my life yk #but also i want love #LIKE HELP WHYYYYYY #actually i honestly feel like ive written too many stories about romance and ruined reality for myself LOL #but yeah idk.. this makes me anxious but maybe ill still meet him #bc you never know #yk

[angeltism]

pov mwe going from screaming happily 2 my irl friends about [gestures towards my love life] 2 telling one of them (jokingly) to khs within 2 messages:

#➳ the fool speaks #n just swo everybun knows i have bragged 2 my irl friends about 2 of y'all (using only [one of] ur namesie[s] n nawt telling any of them #anything abt ur tumblr bc i do nawt wanna breach any privacy ++ they don't even know my @ n I'd like 2 keep it that way </3 ) #also in my defence he used one of his favorite fucking videos. that is basically just. a ''did i ask'' #so like SHUT UP SHUT UP I'M IN LOVE HISSSSSSSSSSSSS #I HAVE RIZZ HAHAH FUCK YWOUUU MR ''you have 0 rizz lmao'' KYAHAHAHAHAAH >:)))))) #i still have nwo idea how i got here but i couldn't be LESS upset ehehehehe ♡♡♡♡♡

[princekirijo]

I've been thinking about Riku's Pokemon team again (because when am I not thinking about Riku but also I've been playing a lot of Pokemon go lmao) and like it hit me. Tyrunt is such a good pokemon for him. The royal heir pokemon.

#oc tag #riku kirijo #do y'all see my vision #i know tyrunt throws tantrums and like riku wouldn't do that BUT have you considered opposites attract #besides imagining hyperactive 9 year old riku running around with a little shit of a baby trex (affectionate) is too good to me #also i think tyrantrum would fit mtsuru.... #<- delibrate misspelling to avoid this showing up in her tag sorry #still trying to figure out if a luxray or pyroar would suit him better #whichever one he has i think mitzi should have the opposite #also side note if any mutuals wanna add me on go i can send you my friend code :] #totodile would also be great for riku ngl fits his element and its like tyrunt too #urshifu is still his ace but im just thinking of other pokemon he could have... #also yeah i have decided to combat my endless doubt and lack of self confidence #i am going to try do what i did about two years ago (yeah i checked the date 😭) and like make semi regular lil fact posts #about riku but more importantly captain au in general #cause no way people will be interested if i dont talk about it you know!! and also just for myself #might help iron out things in my brain if i like physically workshop it on here #it'll all be tagged so u can filter if you're not interested

[lilspacesquid]

#May not be undertale #but I'm kinda fading away from the fandom again #I'll be back #for sure #but not for a couple more months #Also my artblock is over #and I made this #It's my roblox avatar #if any of y'all wanna play evade with me or smthin #just ask <3 #I love to game with friends #roblox avatar #roblox #roblox art #roblox oc #art #artwork #lilspacesquid art #lilspacesquid