#and they're always changing. but i will hold ghostbur and revivedbur as equal parts So tightly

[wormliness]

what really, really gets me about cwilbur is how he tries to separate pieces of himself in an attempt to feel whole again. from the moment wilbur founded Imanberg, he tied himself to it. it became his identity: a representation of all he is; and if it isn't perfect, then neither is he. 

with his spiral in pogtopia, everything becomes blurred. I'manberg isn't his, but who is he if not what he offers to others? there's those absolutely heartbreaking moments in the button room with tommy and quackity where his true beliefs come through before he's blinded by his own conflict: and that conflict stems from confusion. wilbur can't separate himself from the nation he built. in his heart, he's a perfectionist, and everything that happens gets out of his hands and the perfectionism is what eats him alive. that confusion and inability to understand himself is part of what makes wilbur such a moving depiction of mental illness. everything seems fixed to him, and there's nothing he believes he can do to change it. his best traits: unyielding confidence, his level head, everything that make him come across as an indomitable leader are exactly what lead him to suffer, often by direct causation of his own actions.

in pogtopia, he has no one he can emotionally open up to, he has no peers: even when he eventually does, he's already resigned himself to his fate. one of the most apt ways i've seen wilbur's pogtopia arc actions described is "existentially suicidal" - he doesn't just want himself gone, he wants his presence erased. he wants everything connected to himself to go down with him. and it makes him so, so cruel, because he just can't accept that he has people which love all these parts of him. so, in the end, he dies without clarity, without true understanding of himself and blinded by his own misconceptions

and then, as the dream smp's worldbuilding expands more into the supernatural, we get this absolutely (in my opinion) mindblowing like, theoretical philosophy takes, and this is the meat of what i really like.

ghostbur first appears so simple. characters barely need a few words with him before they clock him as a half-baked facsimile that simply shares the same face as wilbur soot with none of his integrity, but it goes soo much deeper than this. with ranboo's recent (april 2022) lore, we learn that when characters lose their final canon lives, they're split into two parts: mind and soul, even before this was confirmed, it's sooo prevalent in the story that ghostbur is far more complex than he lets on. ghostbur is bitter and biased and he hates "alivebur." from the start, he asks to be called ghostbur, and always separates himself nomatively from before he died. Both ghostbur and revivedbur both emphatically express that they’re “not him” (meaning the other).

ghostbur’s optimism, something that was key to alivebur's (saying to differentiate, referring to Imanberg/pogtopia era wilbur) success at forming a country and strong bonds, gets misconstrued into innocence. he delights in animals and music and small joys, all things that alivebur does as well but represses, and thus, characters view him as childish. 

worst of all, in my opinion, is c!phil, who sees him as some kind of cheap imitation, words can't explain the way this makes me feel at the fact that cphil can't recognize his own son's soul. ghostbur has so many of alivebur's key traits, and everyone (characters & fans) overlook it because he's Emotional, because he's Different, and well, okay this is for another essay. the point is that ghostbur is still wilbur, and he consistently carries that same conflict of self loathing that alivebur does that leads him to separate himself entirely.

and as the narrative continues, the soul and the mind are switched.

cwilbur is revived (i will refer to the mind as revivedbur). even without the context of ranboo's lore, you can tell that this guy is walking around like there's blood still pouring out of his stab wound. the perfectionist is back, but so many parts of him are missing. unlike ghostbur, revivedbur leans into alivebur's facade: and while he can't maintain it, it's enough to get some sense of normalcy. we see this facade tie in to his desperation to "feel alive" in hitting on 16, and we see it all fall down in bust when he breaks down to cphil in bust. 

in his self destruction, this time revivedbur clings to other people, too terrified to let them in out of fear that they'll hate him, he goes all in on making them hate him pre-emptively. he says things that hurt ctommy because he can't bear accidentally disappointing him. he does things rashly, and without willingness to look past his own (often underdeveloped) understanding of the situation. he challenges cquackity instead of working with him because he thinks if he falters even for a second, his facade will drop and they'Il hate him for all he is. he even draws cranboo in because he sees what he thinks is their innocence, and decides to crush it. all of this with the intent of hurting himself, through hurting others. (though, after inconsolable differences, i may have some reevaluating to do here.)

revivedbur verbally expresses hatred for ghostbur whenever given the chance, something that i can't help but chalk up to how he clings to alivebur's persona of confidence and stubbornness: revivedbur sees ghostbur's optimism as weakness. and it's all just one long cycle of self loathing. wilbur is split in two equal parts, and each half hates the other because they're too afraid to be vulnerable. they're both still mentally trapped in pogtopia, not eating or sleeping, terrified and paranoid. it's a gradual progression, but each step parallels the next. if c!wilbur cannot be perfect, he would rather die. but there is no true perfection in life, in leadership, in relationships: he drowns in his own loss of control and lashes out because all he really has left to control is himself. 

so, all this to say that the only way to resolve c!wilbur core conflict and end his story is through self acceptance, and if he dies at the end, that's just pure bullshit. he spends so long denying his feelings, denying that he loves and cares So deeply that his emotions rule him, that the only satisfying end is for him to embrace his love and attachments, and change for the people he cares about, rather than distort himself further.

TLDR: user wormliness really likes wilbur soots minecraft character on the dream smp and thinks that he's a fucked up guy who needs to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known 👍

#here's the 1ki ish wilbur meta i wrote in may <3 as promised. many thoughts about mr c soot #and they're always changing. but i will hold ghostbur and revivedbur as equal parts So tightly #dream smp #wilbur soot #dsmp #ghostbur #revivedbur #dream smp analysis #wilbur soot analysis #all rp characters of course. also if theres typos in here consider it an aesthetic choice #wrmls #meta #dsmp analysis #cwilbur is so much to me. i feel crazy sometimes thinking about him. he is for all of us equally #hopefully this actually makes sense