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xmanicpanicx · 3 years

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Romanticized Things That Aren't Actually Romantic

1) The "shut up" kiss

It happens in more movies, TV shows, and novels than I can even count. One half of the couple (usually a woman or girl) will be talking, and the other person (usually a guy) will suddenly lay an ol’ sloppy one on her mouth. Often times, she’s rambling about her insecurities, so some people think it’s cute when he kisses her, symbolically laying her worries to rest. Don’t worry, hon! There’s nothing to be insecure about! He likes you! There are two big problems with this. The first is that when someone is speaking, you shouldn’t cut them off; best case scenario, it’s rude. Of course, people cut each other off all the time in conversation, so that’s different. But when a character interrupts another character’s speech to kiss them, they are essentially prioritizing their sexual desires over the other person’s need to express themselves. It’s an action that has an agenda. Everyone wants to be truly listened to when they speak. So if, for example, we have a female character babbling about her insecurities, the male character should hear her out, and then respond to what she says. There is plenty of romantic potential in words — even more than in kisses, in my opinion. His response could still be a kiss after she’s finished speaking (as long as it’s not a rattlesnake-strike type of kiss that doesn’t give her a choice). However, we still have another problem: the female character’s self-confidence shouldn’t be contingent upon the male character’s opinion of her. In other words, a kiss from a guy, no matter how much she loves him, will not and should not heal her negative perception of herself. Not healthy. Real people and characters should accept themselves on their own terms rather than on the approval of others.

Sometimes, the sudden kiss will come in the middle of a female character’s angry rant. The male character thinks she’s cute or sexy when she’s angry, which can be frustrating and patronizing for anyone who voices their anger because they want to be listened to and taken seriously. But regardless of why the character is talking, the other character should stop kissin’ and start listenin’.

2) Female double standards

Women and girls often feel really uncomfortable when men objectify them and make comments on their bodies, so they call these men out — and rightfully so. They also call male authors out for only describing women in terms of their bodies and giving them very little, if any, personality. Once again, rightfully so. Unfortunately, in real life and in literature, there is a double standard here. It’s one thing to write an erotic novel in which bodies of every gender are described in explicit detail and with an express purpose. But I’ve read novels without any sexual content that go into so much detail about guys’ looks. And these male characters are often not well-developed, either (think of the stereotypical jock with a hot bod and no brain). Authors — especially female authors, who are usually the ones perpetuating this — need to do better than this. If it's not okay to do that to girls, it's not okay to do that to guys, either. Also, what is up with that scene from The Notebook? The one where Rachel McAdams repeatedly slaps Ryan Gosling because he’s breaking up with her. How on Earth is that okay? The Notebook is widely considered to be a super-romantic movie, but there is nothing romantic about that scene, and it should be a deal-breaker for their relationship. If the tables were turned and Ryan Gosling slapped Rachel McAdams for breaking up with him, the entire plot of the movie would be different. It would be a thriller, a story about a woman trying to escape a scary ex. We would never root for the two of them to get back together.

3) Overly-metaphorical sex scenes

Cheese, cheese, and more cheese. Would you like some crust and tomato sauce with all that cheese? So many novels shy away from the anatomical details and favor metaphors for how the sex makes the characters (or just the narrating character) feel. In theory, there is nothing wrong with this, but I personally tend to roll my eyes more often than not at the actual execution. The narrator will say something too dramatic, like “our bodies became one and the universe opened up before me.” Or “and then we were flying, soaring with and through one another.” Or something else that is just… not sexy. As far as being poetic, there isn’t anything special about those phrases, either. There is nothing wrong with describing sex as it really is. I realize that novels featuring sex that are aimed at young adults probably cannot describe things too explicitly, but there’s no need to replace dirty details with flowery language. Go for whatever sincerity you can in the situation. There are plenty of different emotions to mine and sensual details leading up to the actual sex that read more thrillingly than the sex scene itself.

4) Instalove

It's simply not as much fun to see characters fall for each other right away. And how could they possibly fall for each other right away, anyhow? Is it all about looks? If so, both characters are instantly less likable because they're shallow. And that's not real love, either. You need to actually know someone in order to feel a such a deep emotion for them.

It's also important to note that making the characters "love" each other at the outset of the story does not heighten the emotional stakes. It actually cheapens them. Because how can we take this so-called love seriously when we don't get to know, don't get to care about, the characters as individual people before they fall for each other?

Now, if we get to know each character and watch them get to know each other, and slowly fall for each other, that's much more rewarding. It's character growth, and it's a whole process that we, as readers, get to experience vicariously though them.

This may just be a personal preference, but I think it's best to even avoid phrases like “my heartbeat skipped” or “my skin tingled when our hands brushed” in the beginning stages of the story. Even though the declarations of love and outright displays off affection may come later on, statements like these reveal instant attraction, which still isn't as rewarding as attraction that grows over time and through events.

5) Love interests being obsessed with each other

From approximately 2005-2015, YA literature saw a horde of books featuring teenage girls and boys who are everything to each other. I almost mean that literally. The first really popular book like this was Twilight, but it had a huge influence on everything in YA that came after, especially YA fantasy. How romantic, some people think, that hero lives for the heroine! And vice versa! Perfect! Meant to be! Everyone wishes they could have that one, true, perfect love!

Listen. Go back to Britney Spears’s first album and play the song “Born to Make You Happy”: ”I don’t know how to live without your love, I was born to make you happy.” Solid 90s bubblegum pop, but with unhealthy lyrics. An unhealthy mentality. Most of us are familiar with that heady, all-consuming feeling of falling in love, how it feels like that’s the best and happiest part of life as it’s happening. There’s nothing wrong with portraying that. It’s relatable. The glorification of it beyond all else is the problem. The hero and heroine have scares throughout the story during which they almost lose each other, and that brings to light just how strongly they feel each other, to the extreme that nothing matters except each other. Then, of course, they ultimately end up together, happily ever after, never having to part again. But in real life, people break up, or sometimes even die. People have no choice but to be apart from the person they loved so much from then on. And it’s devastating, but it’s not the end, even if it sometimes feels like it. That’s why it’s so important for books to give some indicator that there are other things that matter besides (and dare I say even more than) the one person the hero/heroine is in love with. The characters have to have some sense of self-love or resilience. They have to have other people they care about, or at least values/principles and goals. They have to be an actual person, not just a vessel filled to the brim with love for just one other person. Romanticizing a co-dependent relationship can be hope-crushing message, especially for teenagers who haven’t had enough time to grow, to weather the storm of life and toughen up and become wiser and more self-aware and self-confident.

7) The super dominant male love interest

Okay, I’m not trying to kink-shame anyone because I know there are people who absolutely love this trope. I want to say it’s fine, as long as it remains in Tropeland. But even if women want to keep these love interests solely within their fantasies, I do worry about the message it sends to men, if it makes them think that they can be abusive douchebags because women are into that. I already know of far too many men who think that women are only into assholes.

Personally, I’ll never understand the appeal of a man, fictional or otherwise, who dictates what a woman should wear, her food choices, where they go and what they do for dates ALL THE TIME. And jealousy! Sure, jealousy indicates that someone cares, and it’s a normal human emotion, but I’ll never understand the appeal of a guy who gets so jealous, he won’t allow his girlfriend any freedom. I’ll never understand how cruel, disparaging words could ever be on the same sexiness level as dirty talk. And I really, really will never understand how a man physically harming a woman could be considered sexy. It’s weak and cowardly, hurting someone who doesn’t stand a chance of fighting back because they’re nowhere near as strong.

I get the appeal of a guy who sees a woman as his equal and isn’t afraid to spar with her, challenge her, and maybe even be a little bit rough with her, knowing that she can handle it. I see the appeal of a confident man who isn’t afraid to tell a woman what he wants. When his presence becomes legitimately threatening and completely selfish, that’s when I personally see a problem. But hey, to each their own.

#writing #writing advice #ya fiction #writing rants #writing rambles

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miraculouscontent · 3 years

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Askplosion #12 3/4:

.:Asks Referring to Previous non-Miraculous Posts:.

Anonymous said:

Hi! I saw you mention that you have Asperger’s syndrome in an earlier post. I’m just wondering, how did you find out? I’ve always thought I was neurodivergent (adhd and maybe asperger’s), but I’m not quite sure how to go about finding out, and my parents never had me screened as a kid. Feel free to ignore if this is too personal!

(the post this anon is referring to)

It’s not too personal, don’t worry!

Though, I would really say that it’s something to look up more than for someone to tell you. I know that’s not a satisfying answer but I think it’s different depending on where you live and what specialists you have near you.

Anonymous said:

Remarried Empress Anon Again, a whole post? What an honor! I burnt my food and this made me so happy.

(the post this anon is referring to)

You deserve it! Thanks a bunch!

Anonymous said:

Remarried Empress Anon Again, thank you for answering my asks and for reading Remarried Empress! I honestly didn’t expect much to come of it but the fact you read the comic and saw what I was talking and came to your own conclusions was amazing! I’m sorry if I’m bothering you by bombarding you with asks, and will try to stop doing so. Heck, this doesn’t have to be answered! Just know you are a fun creator and thank you for making my day a little better with your amazing responses!

You weren’t bothering me at all! I’m glad I brightened your day!

asexual-individual said:

I don't know how big the trend of "Magical Girls are made to suffer" is, but after watching Madoka Magica I did notice a few Magical Girl shows where the creators obviously went "Hey, this anime where the Magical Girls suffer and it's all angsty made Shaft a lot of money, let's do our own", and "subversive=money". (Even though many have pointed out that MM isn't actually subversive, since older MG shows have dealt with dark themes plenty of times.)

Yeah, it’s probably one of those inevitable things. People immediately jump on wherever the money’s going.

Madoka Magica probably got so much attention specifically because of the episode three shock value.and all the twisted imagery, plus things like Kyubey with bullet holes all over him made it seem like, “WHOA, DARK.”

Anonymous said:

Remember when I told you about the teenage-bashing in the Star Vs. Fandom? Well, rewatching the show, I'm beginning to think that most of the time, when people in a certain fandom have these opinions, more often than not, the show backs it up for whatever reason. Like, there's one scene where Eclipsa is put on trial and is asked if she's ever eaten any babies(which is just a rumor), and she says no but that she has eaten a few teenagers but, psychologically, they always deserved it.

And in another episode, Star says that teenagers are great at causing problems, which I at first laughed off as a joke, but then in another, Tom and Star were talking about how they broke up, and Star said "Of course we broke up! That's what people do! That's what teenagers do! Teenagers are dumb!" And Tom was just like "Yeah, I know, I know"; there are a lot more examples but I don't care to revisit them. I'm just saying that the teen-hating in the fandom would have to have come from somewhere.

omg I don’t remember that stuff at all; I guess it just blew right past me when I was initially watching it.

I don’t understand the trend of being like, “teenagers are dumb and that’s what they do,” and then either over-punishing or not punishing at all. Are we supposed to believe that all teenagers are just going to “be teenagers” and so we shouldn’t do anything, or that they’re all idiots who don’t understand their own feelings but we should also punish them for it?

I don’t get it.

Anonymous said:

I'm the "tomboys in anime" anon, and yes, I totally agree! It especially irks me(as a girly girl who has a lot to say) when the shortcut to making a girl tomboyish is simply by making her loud/tough/like gaming or machinery, or when a female character is told she isn't enough of a girl because she's like that, but otherwise doesn't look or even act all that "boyish". Even TV Tropes does it, as if the second a girl shows any proactivity or is tough she's a "tomboy".

It really annoys me and almost makes me want to erase the term "tomboy" altogether since it leads to an idea of "I'm not like other girls, I'm better 'cause I do boy stuff"(which I know not every tomboy thinks, but some do). The only reason I don't is because I very proudly embrace the term "girly girl" and terms are meaningless without an opposite(not that you can't like both girly and tomboyish things). So I think the key to fixing this problem is that we shouldn't label people unless they want to be labeled that way.

And I know fictional characters can't speak for themselves, so just to figure out if a female character is a tomboy, I just say that if her only "tomboyish" traits are "proactive" qualities or liking something that's for guys, just don't call them a tomboy because it looks ridiculous and acts like women are inherently passive and weak, so for a girl not to be like that is acting like a man.

I would love to see a tomboy character who likes those things but is actually shy/a wallflower. That avoids the stereotype of "aggressive, hard-hitting tomboy, weak-willed, shallow girly girl" and challenges audiences expectations that "but but but she's a tomboy so she should be loud and strong because strength is for MEN". I also hate when tomboy characters are given no curves because the writers know they're doing something wrong, tomboys can have natural curves too. It's like they think tomboys just don't want to be girls. So, yeah. So over the "tomboy in-name-only" stereotype.

"it makes me feel weird saying that when I’m all for girl power shows with an all female cast, but in this show’s logic, it’s a different ball game". Oh, phew! That's good. Because, like I said before, I'm working on my own magical girl show in which most of the female characters are(black) girls and only girls can use magic in this world, and someone I know keeps telling me that it's not fair that the guys don't get to have magic, so it's good to know that there's someone out there who doesn't think it's "sexist" that magical girls tend to only let girls have powers(unless it's for fanservice or like in Madoka Magica because ick). Because guys get to be in the forefront all too often, so why is it so bad when girls get to be in the spotlight? I know I can't change everyone's opinions but it's good to know someone gets it.

(the post this anon is referring to)

Honestly, I feel like the fact that there’s a label at all is the issue, like you suggested? It might just be a “we have to get ride of the label ‘tomboy’ and ‘girly girl’ altogether” thing, because it’s not like we do the same thing with guys?

Oh wait, we do; guys who do “girly” things are called “sissies.”

I hate this planet. :P

Point being, having to say “tomboy” inherently implies something, which might be a problem all on its own, y’know?

(the below ask is incomplete but the asker clarified after I asked them, so clarification is below:)

Anonymous said:

I just thought back to our little "tomboys in anime" argument and about how you can't really think of any tomboys. So I looked up "tomboys in anime" on Google and clicked on the first link, and literally the first character on the list was a girl with...a flower in her hair and a bikini. The reason she was a "tomboy" according to the list? Was because she is "aggressive" and "competitive". In fact, most of the examples on the list were "she's tough/a good fighter/challenges male supremacy".

(part of this ask is missing and clarified below)

girly girls, while the girly girls always have to be the weak and shy ones(not that shy=weak but you get the idea). But while I may not know most of the characters on the list, and some of them DID look pretty tomboyish, I'm very bothered by the idea that it's their strength and ambition and excellent fighting skills that are branded as masculine. And you know what? I'd actually be offended if someone called me a tomboy, especially if it was based of these reasonings. Because it sounds like they think being a tomboy is the only way to be strong and vice versa. Like I should take it as a compliment that I need to be separated from my femininity in order to be respected. Like, if you're a tomboy, cool! But it shouldn't be used for just any girl who isn't a weak-willed crybaby doormat. I actually don't know why people seem to think being a tomboy or "masculine" for a girl is some sort of badge of honor to wear with pride for rejecting your femininity and being "cooler" than other girls.

the clarification:

Anonymous said:

The missing part was talking about the various tropes having to do with contrasting masculinity/femininity, either in two different characters, with one being masculine and one being feminine(ex. Tomboy and Girly Girl, Sensitive Guy and Manly Man, Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy, Masculine-Feminine Gay Couple), or one character who has traits of both(ex. Girly Girl With a Tomboy Streak, Tomboy With a Girly Streak, Real Men Wear Pink), and how TV Tropes always talks about them as if the "girly" character(or girly side of the character) is weaker or inferior(like how for Tomboy and Girly Girl they might say that the former is tough, competitive, and can fight, while the latter is vain, a priss, and a Damsel in Distress.

Or for Tomboy With a Girly Streak, they might say that the tomboy dresses in a masculine way with their "girly" streak being that they're a doormat or dream of being a housewife. Not that it's wrong to be a housewife.).

To be fair, they don't always do this: For the pages on Magical Girl they talk about how those shows can appeal to multiple demographics, and almost all the quotes on them, they talk about how they're empowered through their femininity and are just as much legitimate threats to their opponents as other heroes. Still, they fall in this trap even then, as on the LoliRock Awesome page, they say "You gotta admit, for a Magical Girl show, LoliRock does have its awesome moments", which ignores that Magical Girl is SUPPOSED to have awesome moments, it's literally an action subgenre! Just because it's frilly and pink and girly doesn't mean it doesn't--or shouldn't--still have badass fight scenes. Just look at PreCure. Shonen should take notes from those shows. But no, whoever wrote that clearly dismissed it as just frivolous and was SURPRISED that the fight scenes were good, just because it's girly!

It’s 2021 and people are still struggling with this concept that girliness isn’t bad and it’s not embarrassing to watch such a show.because GIRLS.

It’s so tiring. I watched Dragonball Z, Inuyasha, and played Pokemon; got a few looks about it at times but people ultimately were like, “okay I guess” (I did get bullied for the Pokemon one but that was more for the “it’s for babies” kind of deal, not a “you can’t like that because you’re a girl,” thing). I can’t really relate to the world of girls who get looked down upon for being “girly” but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand that it must be awful for them.

Don’t even get me started on “Tomboy Lesbian,” I will scream about it and it won’t be happy screaming.

#other: ask and answer #other: non ml talk

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haikyuu-matches · 3 years

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｡˚✰˚✦ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐏

exchange with @necr0misis

— ❛ 𝗂𝖿 𝗂 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗂𝗌, 𝗂𝗍 𝗂𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝖺𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 ❜

˚✶⋆｡˚☆ﾟ✦

thank you so much for waiting !! and, thank you for bearing with me. i really hope you like this in spite of such a long wait (over a month oof--) ! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

˚✶⋆｡˚☆ﾟ✦

— 【❈】 ‣ i match you up with … 𝐌𝐈𝐘𝐀 𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐔 !!

you and atsumu would make such a powerful pair that i can’t think of matching you up with anyone else. first and foremost, i can imagine you two not getting along splendidly (*cough* frenemies to lovers trope *cough*), but as time goes on, you two will realize you harbor romantic feelings for each other !! and it’s actually goals--

it kind of goes like this: you don’t necessarily like how atsumu . . . has an arrogant streak. you can tell he knows he’s hot shit. he has this habit of calling things as he sees it, which is both admirable and kind of rude. he holds himself and others to a high standard. he sometimes fails to look at the way he treats others. even if he does see it, he doesn’t care enough to change himself.

whereas. . . you’re a bit of a foil to him. you’re kinder in your approach. given you’re naturally smart & you feel obligated to help others no matter how busy you are, you are so selfless! as opposed to atsumu, you recognize your flaws with social interactions! you try to fix it by sympathizing with and helping others even if it’s not natural to you.

with that note-- atsumu ends up realizing this about you & he think it’s pretty endearing. although he would be fairly annoyed that people may take advantage of you since you have a problem saying “no” to others. he’ll surprise you by seriously letting you know he has no problem letting down people for you if you ever need it.

it’s the small things that will shift your view on atsumu, and in turn, push you guys closer--

essentially, you may not like him especially at first. but ! i feel like you would see some of yourself in him, and you have more similarities than you both stubbornly refuse to admit. one being the fact you two hold such high expectations for yourselves, and you aren’t satisfied with the bare minimum. arguably, you both have this quality where if you’re passionate about something, you two will obsess over it and work at it.

i can see you guys often bumping into each other because you two are always working. you can’t avoid each other lol. with atsumu working on his volleyball skills on the court, and you working on crossfit in the gym, you see each other in passing ALL THE TIME.

when you two become close enough. . . in passing, you will playfully jab at each other about your respective work. to the onlookers, it’s definitely flirting, but to you guys, it’s not just that because your words definitely have an impact on each other. whether you intended this or not, you two push each other to be better with your teasing and sometimes brutal words.

for example, to the handsome setter, you might say something like “your serve’s looking weak there; you sure you’re putting in enough work ?” and that kind of riles atsumu up. he’d want to do better because his game depends on it, but also a large part of him (ahem, his ego) would want to prove you wrong. besides . . . is he a bit attracted with that someone who has the audacity to say such things to him? oh, that’s an easy yes.

on a different note, you never have to worry about filtering your words or saying something to appease atsumu. in fact, the setter would always want you to be “unapologetically yourself”, and he’d never want you to change for the supposed norm. i feel like he had a pretty apathetic view when it came to girls before meeting you (that squealin’ pig scene comes to mind dfiosjls).

he didn’t really seem to have an interest in relationships since he’s so dialed in on volleyball. however, in terms of what he generally looks for in a girlfriend, osamu remarks atsumu’s whipped for someone who has enough confidence to deal with his blunt, crude ways & not take everything he says so sensitively.

after a moment or two . . . atsumu will realize that’s literally you. catch osamu being like obviously

the two of you would be perfect because you stand your ground & call him out for his bullcrap. you just have this effect on him where you basically ground him & keep him more structured if that makes sense. in any case, you’re not so delicate and insecure that atsumu has to walk on ice for you. and vice versa.

also- atsumu loses it when you use your sarcastic humor & sharp wit against him. he absolutely lives for the banter you have. honestly, there’s so much tension whenever you guys are together that people just want you to kiss already. and you guys will. . . but in due time ~

it’s a bit of slow burn because it takes you both awhile to come to terms to the fact you like each other so much. . . even though you probably exchange more harsh comments than kind ones. after all, there’s a thin line between love and hate. yet, you two both get the unspoken message in spite of those words. but yeah, grappling with these feelings is hard. . .

when you guys finally exchange numbers (because you’re not just enemies now but perhaps friends-), atsumu surprisingly gets most of your memes you send him?? like, , , it’s kind of weird how he’s on the same wavelength as you, and you’re just like how does he know all these references??

by the way, your taste in music ? immaculate.

atsumu will definitely get into 70s music because that’s all you force let him to listen to when you’re hanging out. i can imagine that once you two become a thing, you’ll definitely have impromptu singing where atsumu is singing horridly (maybe on purpose to get on your nerves) and you’re trying to offset it. tbh, david bowie would cringe at atsumu’s poor rendition.

your hobbies of studying theoretical fields & absurd theories about reality may go over atsumu’s head at times, but he finds this side of yours rlly intriguing. he’s the "smarter” twin, so he’ll try to show off what knowledge he does possess in order to capture your affections. study dates are basically you two trying to roast each other & flirt more so than studying ahah.

generally speaking, you two tend to match each other’s energy, and i feel like it wouldn’t take too, too long for you to open up to atsumu and him for you. at least for friendship wise. there was initial dislike, but you two just mesh so well that the dislike kind of becomes a thing of the past.. like you two will find that you’re laughing and giggling in each other’s presence instead of just going at each other’s throats— you two can show your silly & goofy sides and i’m all here for that. just, the development!

and yes, it may take awhile for atsumu to accept his feelings for you, but once he does, he’ll make it clear what his intentions are. he’ll actually be a little weird at first because he’ll try to do something thoughtful or kind, like killing a spider instead of laughing at your horror like he normally does. and it’s unsettling to you.

anyway ! i feel like he’d just out of nowhere confess to you & you’re just left with a shook face because he likes you?? given your history with crushes, you weren’t expecting for atsumu to take that sort of interest in you but now you’re left with him awaiting your answer. . .

you say yes eventually- but atsumu definitely teases you for your mental lapse. but really his heart is doing somersaults and he’s over the moon-

honestly you two are like that athletic couple?? you doing crossfit and also swimming & atsumu doing volleyball? you two just look perfect together.

but also, power to you guys for working hard & chasing your dreams-- it’s so inspiring. atsumu will 100% support all your dreams & endeavors even if they seem all over the place. like if you want to go into biomedical engineering, yes, atsumu will be there for a caffeine run if you need some for studying. or perhaps even astrophysics? atsumu will do his best to support you with whatever it may be-- even with his own busy schedule. his actions tend to show his love than his words.

to conclude, atsumu and you would make such a great match. because there would be obvious attraction but also that relentless, aggressive support. there’s some stark differences in your personalities, yes, but there’s also enough similarities to keep you two compatible as well. i see your relationship as a crackling fire because i get “eternal flame” vibes from you two. like your relationship will stay alive in spite of fights or arguments, and the passion to relay your love for each other will remain through and through.

possible runner-ups:

iwaizumi hajime

tsukishima kei

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mimzy-writing-online · 5 years

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Writing Clumsy Characters

This post includes tips on properly using clumsy characters as comic relief or as tension inducers, how to avoid clumsy character tropes, why people are clumsy and how the causes of that clumsiness might make them act, and includes tips on characters with ADHD, autism, and disabilities.

How To Write Clumsy Characters

Do Not: substitute a genuine character flaw with clumsiness. Clumsiness is not a character flaw, it is not something that is wrong with a person or needs to be improved through honest character development. You cannot use clumsiness to cop out of giving your characters real human flaws. Emphasis on human flaws, because flawless characters are just the cardboard cut-outs of people, they’re there but are they really interesting.

Try Not: to make your character feel ashamed of being clumsy. It feels terrible to see clumsiness being shamed as something bad or embarrassing. People who are clumsy themselves will want to see clumsy characters treated nicely. So make your clumsy characters embrace their clumsiness and don’t let all your other characters bully them for it, but rather love them all the more for it.

What kind of characters should you attach the trait of clumsiness to?

Literally anyone. Boys, girls, main characters, secondary characters, background characters, villains, villain’s helpers, children, teens, adults, old people.

Clumsiness has many causes, many of them biological and non person specific, so literally anyone could be clumsy.

What causes clumsiness/People are clumsy in their own way

There are a lot of biological reasons for clumsiness and they all cause people to be clumsy in different ways.

People with poor situational awareness are not good at remembering everything in their environment and will often knock over things in their immediate area because they didn’t know or forgot something was there.

People with poor hand-eye coordination will not be good at catching things and will probably freak out when things are thrown at them because past experience has taught them that they are bad at catching things. They might even be bad at sports because of this.

People with inner ear imbalances will be unsteady on their feet, they may sway or knock into people. These are “tripping on air” type of people. They’re probably not great at sports either.

Children or teens who have had recent growth spurts and aren’t use to their new height, limb length, and strength. It takes a while to get used to a changed body. So maybe they’ll trip over their long legs or knock their head into something they use to be short enough not to worry about, like a low hanging door or banner or hanging house plant. This can (and probably should) apply to characters who had some massive body change, whether through science or magic. (Steve Rogers grew a foot in two minutes, and I know he’s a super soldier, but realistically he should have had a month or two where he wasn’t use to his new height and strength)

People with degenerative disorders that cause tremors will probably spill drinks or have trouble writing or have trouble doing small motor skill tasks. This is definitely something you should tread carefully with, and definitely do not make any other characters mock them for this. Chronic health issues, disabilities, and degenerative disorders are hard enough to live with without your family members and friends treating you like shit.

There are lots of reasons to be clumsy and it will make people act clumsy in their own manner.

If you want to use your characters clumsiness as some form of comic relief, here is how I recommend doing it

If you’re having a light-hearted moment between characters where friends and family are gathered round and joking and relaxed, it’s good to maybe have your clumsy character knock something over. Think a stack of papers or maybe spilling their drink or knocking into someone. Go back to what I said about a character not being shamed for being clumsy. This should be something your characters are used to. Your clumsy character laughs it off and their loved ones tease them lovingly about it but nobody is EVER made to feel bad about being clumsy.

In tense moments where a serious conversation is happening or someone is sneaking around trying not to get caught It’s fine to have your characters knock something over in this moment or to cause a little accidental and inconvenient mayhem. You can use it to increase tension because your character is afraid their tripping may lead to them getting caught. It may cause the serious, life or death, conversation to be halted for a moment as the conversationalists look at the character who knocked over a stack of books or broke a vase.

Your clumsy character is secretly dangerous and has some special fighting ability but outside of that special fighting ability they are a clumsy idiot. This particular example comes to mind because I’ve been rewatching Merlin, in which Merlin is a powerful wizard who must keep his magic a secret. He comes across as a clumsy idiot to all who know him but don’t know about his magic. In a way the clumsiness seems to hide just how dangerous Merlin actually is, and how lethal he can be (you don’t realize it at first, but Merlin kills quite a few people with his magic as the show goes on) I am of the belief that Merlin is still genuinely clumsy but maybe enhances it to appear especially harmless. Feel free to make your character dangerous and an excellent fighter of some kind, but clumsy outside of fighting. Or maybe they’re just pretending to be clumsy to seem harmless (but if we’re being honest here, it’s more fun if they’re genuinely clumsy anyway)

Clumsiness can be used to create inconvenient moments (a character getting caught or breaking something) but it can also be used to create convenient moments (they accidentally uncovered a clue or distracted someone who would have stopped the protagonist). These are great ways to include clumsiness into a character’s daily life, but there should be balance that for as many moments as clumsiness is convenient it is also inconvenient (and vice versa)

Disclaimer: the show Merlin refers to the character Merlin as a w*rlock but I’ve heard that word is offensive to some people of pagen or magic beliefs and out of respect to them I try to avoid using that word whenever possible. I usually stick to witch in my writing, since that is gender neutral.

Tired Tropes of Clumsy Characters

The clumsy female protagonist being saved from falling on her butt by the male love interest who catches her at just the right moment, usually with his arm around her waist or something. It’s very overdone in YA and because it’s over done it is now considered a no-no. It’s also not particularly realistic that someone would catch them at just the right moment unless they were super fast and had quick reflexes (in which case I guess it’s possible in Twilight, which is super guilty of it, but we’re not rewriting Twilight).

If you want, you can subvert this trope.

Step One: Alter the Gender Factor: maybe it’s not a clumsy girl protagonist and a fast, strong guy love interest. Maybe the guy is clumsy and not the girl. Maybe they’re both clumsy. Maybe it’s just very gay with two guys, or two girls, or any mixture of gender identities from trans to non-binary to cis people. (I am a very clumsy non-binary person, and I’m very pan, it’s possible your character can be too)

Maybe the love interest does not catch your protagonist, but is very sweet and comforting when your character falls. Maybe the love interest is the clumsy one and the protagonist wants to help them when they fall. Maybe one does try to catch the other and they both fall.

Maybe it’s not the love interest at all that comforts or tries to help the protagonist. Maybe it’s their best friend or their put upon sibling or a parent who lovingly teases them or a teacher who’s just being helpful because they just happened to be there.

Get creative with your circumstances.

Clumsiness in people who are not neuro-typical

In some cases, people who are not neuro-typical and have ADHD or are autistic might be clumsy. I’m not an expert on why that is, but I know it’s a common sign and I experience this myself and see this in friends. People with ADHD or who are autistic sometimes move in unique ways. They sway, balance on tip toes or on their heels, walk with their arms waving around. This is usually because that particular type of movement is enjoyable for them (stimming). There’s something calming or soothing about that type of movement. (or at least there is for me, I have ADHD). Because of this, their unique way of moving might appear to be clumsiness. But they are sometimes genuinely clumsy because they are not neuro-typical and maybe they lack the spacial or situational awareness or have poor eye hand coordination, which makes them clumsy.

Tread carefully here. This is not something you should turn into comic relief. Autistic people and people with ADHD are not here for your characters and readers to laugh at, they’re here to be people who are loved and respected just as much as able bodied and neuro typical people.

Disclaimer: this is not a guide for writing an autistic character or a character with ADHD. If you want to write a character like that, be my guest but please do your research. The best research you’ll ever get on writing a character with a specific condition is by reading stories from people who live with that specific condition themselves. There are lots of blogs run by people who live with ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar, and other mental disorders. There are lots of blogs run by people who are autistic. Read their stories and their experiences and always value their experiences over what articles written by neuro-typical and able bodied writers tell you. Those neuro-typical and able bodied people can’t tell you anything of value compared to someone who experiences what you’re writing about.

People with mental health disorders are not Web MD symptom lists.

People who are autistic are not Web MD symptom lists.

They’re people.

Clumsiness in people with disabilities or chronic health problems.

I’m going to tell you to tread carefully here again.

People who live with mobility and sensory disabilities may be more prone to clumsiness. That may be because of their disability, but it may also be because they were clumsy before they had this disability.

This writer is visually impaired and I can tell you that I was clumsy before vision loss and continue to be the same level of clumsy, my vision loss didn’t chance that much.

People with degenerative disorders will lose muscle strength and coordination over time. This may result in spilling drinks or bad hand writing or not being able to fully lift something and dropping it.

People who have leg/arm injuries, chronic pain, muscle weakness, or nerve damage might struggle with walking or lifting things and sometimes they might fall, trip, or drop something.

This is not comic relief. Your disabled characters should never be laughed at, not by the narrator, the other characters, you, or your readers. They are not here for your characters and readers to laugh at. They deserve to be loved and respected the same as any able bodied or neuro-typical character.

I think that’s all I have for you on writing clumsy characters. If you have more to add, please feel free to add. If any of you want to reblog with links to other posts on how to write characters with ADHD, autism, or disabilities, please do. I’m sure someone who stumbled across this post is looking for most posts about writing characters who aren’t neuro-typical or able bodied.

Follow this blog for more writing advice.

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( WORK FRIEND ) anita alessi ( 21 / she/her ): cis-female & mallory’s coworker at the bookstore. ( amanda arcuri ) ( B / 21 / SHE/HER )

*Hello my loves! I’m B, aka your neighborhood est bean, here with my mighty munchkin child Anita. I’m super excited to plot and rp with y’all so please head under the cut if you’d like to read her (messy) intro.* ➘

❥ 𝔹𝕒𝕤𝕚𝕔𝕤:

Full Name: Anita Noemi Alessi

Nicknames: An, Ana, Nita, munchkin, etc.

Birthday: August 3

Zodiac Sign: Leo

Age: 21

Gender: Cis Female (She/Her)

Place Of Birth: New York City

Sexuality: Bicurious

Occupation: Bookstore Clerk/Freelance Illustrator

Hobbies: Reading, drawing/painting, partying, & listening to music.

Positive Traits: Easygoing, empathetic, adaptable, creative, independent, & dedicated.

Negative Traits: Rebellious, naive, lonely, self conscious, fickle, & candid.

Tv Trope: The BlackSheep (?)

Archetype: The Paradox (?)

❥ ℂ𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℂ𝕠𝕦𝕡𝕝𝕖:

Mallory: They were coworkers at the bookstore that did not get along by any means. Anita couldn’t stand Mallory’s demanding nature and steered clear of her every chance she got. Apart from working together, the two were practically strangers.

Grant: They met once at her workplace when he showed up looking for Mallory. The two shared a short conversation and his seemingly kind and polite nature left a good impression on Anita. It left her wondering why such a nice guy would want to date someone as apparently difficult as Mallory.

❥ ℍ𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪 𝕆𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨:

She was born in NYC to renowned judge, Carina Alessi, and an unrevealed lover. Carina raised her daughter on her own and Anita never knew her father, whom her mother refuses to speak of.

Anita’s uptight mother was always very strict and tried to instill "traditional" values on her. She always implored that Yael do well in school, avoid trouble, stay away from bad influences, and eventually get a reputable/practical job (doctor, lawyer, teacher, etc.). Anita was essentially encouraged to be obedient and "perfect" by her mother, a task she completed for the most part. She kept her grades up, tried to stay out of trouble, developed very few friendships, and essentially did as she was told.

That is, until she crossed paths with her troubled classmate in her last year of high school (ex WC). Having always strived to be a "good girl" he was outer-worldly to Anita. He was everything her mother told her to avoid in a guy, yet Anita couldn't help but be smitten. Although she wouldn't admit it, everything from his rebellious nature to his seemingly easygoing personality intrigued her. After some time of him persistently attempting to pursue her, Anita finally admitted her mutual attraction, initiating their relationship. Through him, Anita learned to embrace her individuality and be more open minded. He also introduced her to things like partying, art, which she developed a passion for, and music, that she she was encouraged to ignore by her mother.

Anita began to change significantly as a person after entering this relationship. She took up an edgier sense of style, started to pay less attention to school, focused more on spending time with her boyfriend, took up art, and became much more outspoken. This drastic change in her overall self caused her to constantly be at odds with her mother, who was unhappy with the person her daughter had become. After almost an entire year of continual fighting, Anita’s mother ultimately made her choose between her or boyfriend, who she blamed for her daughter's changes. While she put off the decision for a while, Anita ended up choosing her boyfriend over her mother after entering a nasty verbal fight with the latter. Emotionally devastated, Anita packed up her things that night and ran off her boyfriend. The pair used Anita’s saved up college fund to move into a quaint apartment on the other side of town.

Things went smoothly for them for about a year, the two worked hard to make money to support themselves, with Anita taking a part time job at the bookstore while also working as an illustrator on the side. That is, until she caught him cheating on her and their entire relationship fell apart.

Since they’ve gone their separate ways, Anita has been working harder than ever to support herself. She’s also taken to partying and the occasional random hookups in order to fill the void of loneliness she now feels.

❥ 𝔽𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕤 𝔻𝕦𝕞𝕡:

Anita is the spunky artist

She’s is an independent individualist, who has built herself off of her originality and "artistic integrity.” She takes pride in the things that make her unique and doesn't mind standing out from the crowd.

Her dislike of conformity tends to make her an outsider amongst others.

While not particularly outgoing, she is quite opinionated and is never afraid to speak her mind. This gets her into trouble from time to time.

Notes creativity as her greatest strength

She has an impressive attention to detail, especially when it comes to her work

A free spirit, Anita isn't one to be weighed down by the troubles of life. She always remains true to herself regardless of the situation or the opinions of others. In this way, she strives to live her life to the fullest, but can be quite stubborn.

Tiny but mighty with an attitude to boot

Her hair color changes more often than anyone can recall

Very open minded to the point where it might be problematic

Is secretly a hopeless romantic but has terrible luck when it comes to love

Acts confident but is very self conscious

Looks sweet but would probably fight you

❥ 𝔽𝕒𝕧𝕖𝕤:

Favorite Color: Baby Pink

Favorite Drink: Hard Lemonade

Favorite Film: The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Favorite Story: The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe

Favorite Fictional Character: Nell Crain

Favorite Poem: Alone by Edgar Allan Poe

Favorite Food: Beef Empanadas

Favorite Dessert: Fudge Ice Cream

Favorite Flower: Peony

❥ 𝕎𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕕 ℂ𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤:

*Ex Boyfriend: They met in high school. She was the quirky good girl, he was the troubled bad boy and just like magnets they clicked. He brought out the real her and helped her realize her dreams. As easily as they clicked they also clashed, mainly over money and commitment (he was lazy, didn’t want to work, and expected her to be faithful when he wasn’t). They were together for roughly two years until the relationship finally fell apart due to his cheating. Even after everything Anita never really got over him completely. (For inspo think of Cook if he ended up with Pandora??) *He’d likely be either 21 or 22 by now. : OPEN

Best Friends (1/3 spots taken): Anita isn’t the kind of girl to have a large group of friends. She mainly just keeps a small tight knit circle of people she considers her true friends. *No prerequisites : OPEN

Other Acquaintances (Unlimited): People she’s friendly with but not close enough to officially consider a friend. *No prerequisites : OPEN

F. R. I. E. N. D. Zone (Unlimited): People Anita put in the friend zone or vice versa. *No prerequisites : OPEN

Rebound (0/1 spot taken): Only get together when they break up with someone, or get their heart broken. *No prerequisites : OPEN

Toxic Friend (0/1 spot taken): A bad influence that encourages her to do bad things, potentially self destructive. *No prerequisites : OPEN

Cat & Mouse (0/1 spot taken): They basically chase after each other, back and forth, but it’s never really gone anywhere. *No prerequisites : OPEN

Party Friend (0/1 spot taken): They really only hang out when there’s a party or event to attend. *No prerequisites : OPEN

Past Hookups (Unlimited): Let’s just say she gets around from time to time. *No prerequisites : OPEN

Rival (0/1 spot taken): More TBA *No prerequisites : OPEN

Polyship(?): More TBA *No prerequisites : OPEN

*Slow Burn: Let it be slow and sweet. More TBA *No prerequisites : OPEN

Congrats and kisses if you’ve made it this far! Feel free to hmu if you’d like to plot or just give this a like and I’ll slide into your dms instead!

#minehqintro #♥ i’ll paint the world with color ~ about ♥#this is trash but come love me #and my munchkin #this probs won’t show up in the tags fml

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