#and there is never any need to apologize for long posts here at terrainofheartfelt dot tumblr dot com

[terrainofheartfelt]

I apologize if this is already something you’ve discussed here, I’m just a little new to this corner of the fandom and it’s something I’m legitimately curious about. Why do a lot of Dair writers like Alison Humphrey? The way I remember the character was that she abandoned her teenage children to “find herself”, had to be dragged back to Brooklyn by her 14 year old daughter to face them at all, wasn’t very nice or supportive of them while she was there, and then left again to never return. The only time she came up after that was when Jenny was “banished” and decided to go live with her. But for Dan, at least, it always seemed to me like she completely emotionally abandoned him. Dan never referenced talking to her or visiting her that I can recall, and she wasn’t there for his really big moments like graduation or starting college or having a son or even releasing a book, which was his lifelong dream. She didn’t show up for his wedding either, which made me think they were outright estranged. I realize that in real life this might have been because of scheduling conflicts with the actress, but in universe I always felt like Alison did not care about Dan at all, not in any way that really mattered. So that’s all to say, I’m curious what about the character appealed to you, and why you saw their relationship differently? I’ll fully admit I don’t remember everything that happened on the show, so I’m wondering if there are other nuances to the character I might have forgotten or overlooked? (Also sorry this got super long, no pressure to respond immediately! I love your blog and I really am just curious about your thoughts on this!)

hello! first of all, thank you so much! I appreciate you taking the time to send this ask!

I tried hunting through my blog to find more references to me talking about this, but you know how the tumblr search function is, and I apparently really should start just, you know, tagging character names. I'm a librarian I should be better at the organizational aspects of tumblr...anyways! I found some links to meta/hcs I've written on the subject before if you want to check em out: here, here, and here.

the way my brain works with stories, is that when there's something dissatisfying, or there's a build up or set up to what should be a major plot or major character going forward only for it to just be dropped like a hot potato (something GG does a lot), I can't let it go, and in this fandom where I've taken up fic writing and headcanoning with a vengeance, I have to construct something around it to make it makes sense to me and to make it into something that feels right to the story and characters I'm interpreting and want to tell.

and Alison Humphrey is one of those characters. I'll admit that I am something of an Alison Humphrey Apologist - actually I feel like my opinion is in the minority of this corner of the fandom. idk with any certainty if that's true, but my observation is is that my stance is more lenient on who she is, but that impression was formed in my entrance into this obsession, and the clubhouse has certainly changed since I joined this corner!

so what captured my imagination about Alison is that steep drop off of her character. we obviously know she's significant - she's Jenny and Dan's mother and Rufus' first wife and second love, but after a few episodes in s1, we never see her again, there are gaps, and I want to fill them!

to answer part of your question - dan alludes to visiting his mom on holidays and school breaks a few times - he spends spring break in s1 with her, xmas in s3, and in the summer between s1 & 2 she moves in to the loft to look after Dan and Jenny while Rufus goes on tour. so...there's not a lot, but there's some stuff there

and what's also so compelling is that in that handful of episodes, we get just enough to build an impression of the kind of wife and mother Alison was before she left, and some key lines that I cannot ever stop thinking about. The first that springs to mind is her and Jenny during the cotillion episode. Jen ditches her mom's art show to go, and Alison holds her accountable after with the line: As you grow older, every choice that you make defines who you're gonna turn into. So rather than apologizing to me, you need to look at yourself and ask if you like the person you're becoming. it's very introspective and astute advice, imo. and then, dialing back an episode or two to when she comes back, Dan holds her to task for leaving, and tellingly only mentions how much Jenny and Rufus need Alison, but not him, which breaks my heart on multiple levels, and she's properly chastened for it, and keeps working after that confrontation to make amends. and all this has me infer that Alison was a very good parent, right up until she wasn't.

and the part that makes me crazaayyyy is a few scenes later in that Alison Returns episode, during the conversation she has with Rufus when they finally have a chance to candidly talk, she admits fault and cops to making mistakes, but she tells him that towards the beginning of their marriage when he was still all about his music, she supported him, and put her art to the side to support him and to take care of their growing family. "My entire adult life has been about you," she says.

and that line just...Hits for me, because it touches on this thing that can happen to women within their marriages and relationships -- especially in Alison's generation, I think generations after it's been happening less and less -- but when they had kids and got married and moved into this loft in Brooklyn, Alison was the one who virtually gave up her art for years, she gave herself and her identity over to being a wife and mom, and then after 16 years, she looked up and realized that she didn't know who she was anymore, because her identity and sense of self was so reliant on taking care of other people. and she freaked out, and self-sabotaged. And maybe the timing isn't so random, at 16 & 14, Dan and Jenny are becoming their own people, with more and more independence, and she thinks that -- while Dan insists rightfully that they still need her -- she feels less needed by them, and her days for the first time in almost two decades are blank slates, and when was even the last time she picked up a brush? she can't remember.

And, I gotta point out that Alison & Rufus & Lily were all such YOUNG parents, like early early 20s kind of parents. so that time when you're supposed to be figuring yourself out, who you are and who you want to be, she already had a husband and a baby to take care of. like, I'm in the back half of my 20s and cannot even imagine that kind of commitment and pressure.

So, while I don't agree with her methods of coping with this identity crisis, I can understand why it happened. and so I tend to err on giving her more grace. And, idk, I just...don't like that someone who should be so significant is shunted to the side...it kind of makes me think of that Gilmore Girls meta that's floating around right now, op very cleverly and artfully writes about Christopher's character, and instead of him serving the narrative as Rory's dad, he's primarily always functioning as Lorelai's love interest, and that's kind of how this other GG treated Alison. she was the wedge between Rufus and Lily getting back together, a complication to their romance, and her narrative function as the mom of two of the main characters was treated as secondary to that.

I don't know that I would equate Alison to Christopher, but then again, I am a self-described Alison Apologist, but for me, I like to envision a world where Alison keeps working to make right with Dan, because I just...don't accept that she wouldn't be there for him, whether or not he'd let her be. so...she always creeps into my fics because I just - want to fix it! and I can see multiple avenues for her and Dan to repair their relationship...which is why in my aus, she gives Dan a place to be outside of NYC, and he appreciates having that place to retreat to.

and, while we're here, allow me to rec a couple truly stellar Alison-centric fics: @mrs-nate-humphrey's it's not the end (it's an uncomfortable pause) & @strideofpride's small town predicts my fate

#asks #anon #ty for sending! #and there is never any need to apologize for long posts here at terrainofheartfelt dot tumblr dot com #i am many things but sparse with words is not one of them #gg meta #alison humphrey #<- now's as good a time as any to start tagging I suppose