#and then woops day off over back to 'filling buckets and dumping it out' activities

[archieism]

🥀💫

i promise you if we’re friends i also really want to talk to you more. my life lately just feels like... i’m in a boat with 20 holes in it, but every free moment i have from filling buckets and dumping it out to plug the holes themselves, i know i only have the physical capacity to plug 5 of them and it’s a matter of choosing which ones, because either way, there will be 15 other holes that are just as important as the 5 i chose that will go unaddressed and making a mess that i’m pretty sure i’ll never actually find the time or energy to fully and completely fix.

send an emoji on anon or not to tell me what level we are on

#anonymous #answered #does this even make sense #like i already sucked at dealing with my own presence on this planet before i got a full time job and now that i have one.. #my mental and physical capacity to Do Things is exhausted just by working and then coming home to decompress and do it all over again #until my day off which i spend having anxiety over 'patching holes' activities and feeling like i'm wasting my free time #and then woops day off over back to 'filling buckets and dumping it out' activities #and it's just a cycle of that as i try to save up to finally move out with my siblings and just #finally get away from such a shitty environment #i'm really really hoping then i can get a part time job with the knowledge that #i can barely function at all on full time #(like anyone can lmao) #capitalism is going to unironically kill me one day! #until then my friendships have just been decent or awkward conversations for a month and then radio silence for 4 more #and i feel as i talk about myself in the tags for 10mins i need the disclaimer that none of my online friends are obligated to deal w this #this message could've rightly been sent by ANY of my online friends because i do this to like all of them #and i'm a shitty friend and if it's just too much or not enough for any of you to deal with that's okay #no hard feelings; it's shitty to feel like you're being ignored #and in a time where a Lot of people have to choose where they can afford to direct what little they have of energy i #it's completely understandable #damn yeah sorry for rambling in the tags #i don't wanna feel defensive as much as just.. communicating where i'm at but i'm sure a lot of it is just feeling defensive #but that's a me thing not an anyone elses' thing #BUT I'M DONE RAMBLING #i promise anon whichever friend you are you're a good one and an amazing person and even better listener #and as i try to revive my friendships once again after months of silence i can promise it's from a place of genuine interest #but you're also under no obligation to hop back on the wagon with me since i'm very likely just to fall back off of it again #from no fault of yours! and i wish you well regardless and hope these horrifically long tags don't distract from that lmao god