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st-crylo · 4 years

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Rebound

Part 3

A/N: The party is next week, so this week you get some build up! This chapter’s a little shorter, but I hope you guys enjoy!

Warnings: Mentions of drug use, swearing, tobacco use, mentions of alcohol use.

Word Count: 5.6K

Tagging: @haylaansmi @nankstasty @thomasscresswell

Masterlist

You felt your chest tighten, and a wave of nausea hit you. You hadn’t expected to receive a message at all, let alone when you were without the company of your friends. Your hands were shaking, and you weren’t sure what to do.

So, you opened the message.

Sorry for the late reply. I took this picture at a party Wednesday night. A few of us on the soccer team decided to go to this house party in Corellia. Shawn was flirting with this girl all night, but I never got a good shot of them together until I found them making out on the couch. I asked some of the guys about it, and Dylan said that he’d been seriously talking to this girl for about a month.

It was like your heart broke all over again. The walls felt like they were closing in, and you felt like you couldn’t breath. It would have been one thing if this was a one time thing, caused by some drunken stupor, but knowing that he’d been talking to this girl before then? It crushed every part of you. Only one thought stuck out in the cascading river of emotions: Why wasn’t I good enough?

With a choked sob, you let your tears fall freely. You needed to talk to someone, desperately. You knew that if you bottled this knowledge up, it wouldn’t be long before you went crazy. Kylo wasn’t really an option, after all he would probably insist you sit with him outside, and you weren’t quite mentally ready to leave your room at the moment. You definitely didn’t want to call any of your old friends. You had barely talked to them recently, you felt it would be shitty of you to just dump all of this on them.

So, you decided to dial Sami.

It took two rings before Sami picked up, and when she did, you were still sobbing.

“(y/n)? What happened?” she said, her voice slightly distorted through the phone. Through your sobs and tears, you read her the message the sender of the picture had sent you.

“Fuck that. What an asshole,” was her response.

“I just d-d-don’t get it,” you said, trying to wipe away your tears as you began to calm down. “Why wasn’t I enough for him?” It almost felt stupid to ask, but it was how you honestly felt.

“Sweetie, don’t think like that. It’s not your fault he couldn’t keep his hands to himself,” she assured you with a stern tone. “Men like Shawn never realize that they have something good until they lose it.”

Your mind, however lacking in rationality it was right now, knew that what Sami was saying was true. That didn’t stop your heart from feeling like it was ripping in two. You were planning your life with this man. As stupid as that sounded, especially in retrospect, you had hoped the two of you would spend your lives together. Even though you already knew that wasn’t going to happen, the hurt of the fact that he’d been flirting with someone behind your back told you that he hadn’t thought like that, or even worse, that he could fool around and have you waiting for him. It made his insistence to talk to you all the more unbearable. Why would he want you back if he’d been talking to this unnamed girl for a month?

“Are you gonna talk to Kylo about this?” Sami said, breaking the silence you’d created. You thought about the question for a moment, and wondered whether you should.

“No,” you decided, a hiccup proceeding your words. “If Kylo finds out, he’ll beat Shawn’s ass.”

“You’re right. Kylo doesn’t fuck around with cheaters. I’m surprised he hasn’t already beat Shawn’s ass,” Sami mused. “Look, try to keep yourself distracted, and think ahead to Friday. I’m assuming you got permission?”

“Yeah. We need to take a picture together when I get there, so I can send it to my mom. I had to tell her about dinner with the Skywalkers, and obviously, she doesn’t trust Kylo,” you responded. Sami was right, the best thing you could do was try to look forward to Friday.

The two of you talked a while longer, until you had fully calmed down. Not long after, your mom called you for dinner, so you said your goodbyes and hung up. It wasn’t until after you’d hung up that you remembered that Sami said she’d recognized the girl in the photo. You pondered on whether or not to call her back after dinner, but you ultimately decided that you couldn’t handle that knowledge tonight.

***

Wednesday and Thursday passed by in a blur. Wednesday morning, when you’d gotten into Kylo’s car, he’d asked if you were alright, but you answered rather placidly.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Thankfully, that had been enough for Kylo, and you were content with holding off the slaughter for another day, but you knew eventually, Kylo would find out. You were just worried that Kylo would get worse than house arrest when he did.

Wednesday had passed by quickly, probably because you had spent a good portion of the day spacing out, choosing not to be present in any conversations. As much as you wanted to pretend that you were fine, you most certainly were not, and you were glad that no one had pressed the matter. You suspected that either Sami or Kylo had informed them not to.

The drive home Wednesday was silent, Kylo choosing to play music instead of forcing you to talk. You listened to the music, preferring the music over your tumultuous thoughts. The more you listened, the more you realised that Kylo had really good taste in music. You began to sway your head to the music.

When Kylo pulled into the driveway, you gathered your backpack, prepared to say a quick goodbye before making a beeline for your house, but Kylo laid a hand over yours as he turned to look at you.

“Look, I don’t expect you to tell me what happened, but I can only assume it has to do with Shawn. I just want you to know that if you ever need catharsis without having to talk about anything, let me know. I have plenty of glass bottles to break,” he said, the corner of his lip turning up in a smirk as he said the last part. You looked into his brown eyes, and where most people saw coldness, you felt a great sense of warmth. Something about Kylo’s presence had become really comforting to you.

“I’ll let you know,” you said with a smile before leaning across the dash to give him a hug. As you wrapped your arms around him, he did the same, and you breathed in the smell of fir and cedar, along with faint hints of cigarette smoke. Damn, how did someone who smelt like cigs manage to smell so good?

When you let go, you gave one last smile before departing the car, heading for the door to your house.

Thursday was a lot better, but your thoughts still plagued your mind. It was now a week since you’d received the photo, knowledge that would tear you apart. It was amazing how, even within a week, you felt you had changed so much. You’d always been warned that your first break-up would do that to you, but you’d never expected to break up with Shawn, and you certainly never expected him to cheat on you.

As you walked out the door, lunch bag in hand, you noticed that Kylo was talking to someone. Upon further inspection, you realised it was his grandfather.

“Well, make sure you’re calling your mother. She says you haven’t spoken to her, other than sending one word responses to her texts. She worries about you, you know,” Mr Skywalker said, his arms crossed over his chest. Kylo looked away from his grandfather, scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah, I will later,” he responded in a mutter. You wouldn’t have heard him if you hadn’t been walking towards them.

“Good morning, miss (y/l/n)!” Mr Skywalker said as he noticed you walking towards them. Kylo turned around to see you, and gave you his signature half smile.

“Good morning, Mr. Skywalker,” you responded as you fell into place beside Kylo, giving him a smile. He smiled right back at you. You had always liked the Skywalkers. Even though you hadn’t really talked to them all that much, they were nice to you whenever you did.

“Alright, well drive safe, Kylo,” he said, turning back to his grandson. “Love you.”

“Love you, too, Granpa,” Kylo responded before turning away and heading towards his car. You gave Mr. Skywalker a final wave goodbye before making your way to the passenger side of the car.

As you climbed into the car, Kylo turned on the engine, and you put your seatbelt on, settling into the seat. Admittedly, listening to Kylo and Mr. Skywalker's talk was a little heartwarming.

“I didn’t know your Granpa called you Kylo,” you said as Kylo pulled out of the driveway. When you turned to look at the window, Mr. Skywalker was sitting on the porch, waving goodbye.

“He’s the only one who does. Said he was the same way when he was my age, which Gran confirmed. It’s part of the reason I like Granpa the best,” Kylo said as he drove. “You excited for tomorrow?”

You had been so caught up in your sorrow you nearly forgot that tomorrow was Friday. As soon as you remembered, you could feel the excitement begin to build within you.

“Yeah. I’ve never been to a party before. At least, not an actual high school party,” you admitted, feeling a little embarrassed. You were sure Kylo had gone to his fair share of parties in his day, and the thought made you feel kind of amateurish.

“Parties aren’t really my thing, I just like to smoke and drink. Being crossfaded is a nice feeling. But, Jordan has a lot of college friends. That’s why she decided to go to Coruscant Central. All of her college friends are there. But, because she has so many college friends, her parties are more like college parties. A lot more drinks, and a lot more drugs,” Kylo said.

You felt your chest tighten slightly. You’d never once had anything to drink, and you definitely had never tried any drugs. The idea was certainly daunting.

Kylo, probably sensing your unease, turned to sneak a peek at you before looking back at the road.

“Look, you don’t have to try anything you don’t want to. Usually, Jordan’s friends only ever bring weed. There was a time they brought acid, but they won’t pressure you into taking anything. They’re all chill people,” he assured you. It did make you feel a little better. If Kylo trusted them, then you would trust them.

The rest of the drive was spent in silence, and the silence continued as the two of you waited to be allowed into the building. Once inside, Kylo walked with you until it was time for your paths to diverge. He waved at you, and you waved back, giving him a half smile before heading off to first block.

Instead of the nice and quick passage of time that you’d lived through the first three days of school, your first two blocks passed by agonizingly slow. It almost felt as if someone was controlling time, making your economics teacher speak in slow motion, and the ticking of the clock to be abnormally slow. The feeling made you want to pull your hair out. It gave you too much time to think, and that was the last thing you wanted. You really wished there was a way to get your mind to stop thinking for once, and just be empty-headed with no emotions.

Naturally, second block was no better, and you had to resist the urge to bang your head on the desk as you took notes, trying your hardest to pay attention to what your math teacher was saying. You kept stealing glances at your phone, and at one point, you saw a text message show up on your lock screen. Glancing up at the front, you noticed how your teacher, Mrs. Portman, was looking solely at the board. You had another advantage, as you sat at the very back of the class. Unlocking your phone, you saw a message from Kylo.

Apparently Shawn already thinks we’re flirting, cause Dylan just came up to me and threatened me. Confused, you started to type back.

Really? What did he say? Also, what class do you have with Dylan? As you sent the message, you carefully placed your phone beside your notebook and looked up at the board so as to not raise suspicion. You knew Mrs. Portman wouldn’t give you detention for having your phone out, but she would certainly give you a stern talking to. You did, however, keep glancing at your phone waiting for a response. When your screen lit up, you checked to make sure you weren’t being watched before looking back down.

Said I had no right to be flirting with “Shawn’s girl,” and that I need to back off. Also, I have weight training with him.

You tried to stifle a laugh. Yeah, what Dylan, Shawn’s best friend and confidante, said to Kylo was annoying, especially since you now knew more about the situation than before, but you couldn’t help but laugh at the idea that Kylo took weight training. Imagining Kylo Ren lifting weights was an odd thought.

Funny, considering Dylan flirts with girls before they even break up with their boyfriends. Dylan certainly had a reputation as a womanizer. He probably would’ve flirted with you, too, if you hadn’t been dating Shawn.

Some men truly only think with their smaller head.

You shook your head at Kylo’s response before typing up a response of your own.

Never thought of it that way. Of course, I can’t imagine that head has a very long neck attached to it.

Have you seen the truck he drives? He’s definitely compensating. You tried hard not to laugh again. Finally, someone said what you’d been thinking for almost two years.

The bell rang, and you let out a sigh of relief as you packed your stuff back into your backpack, and headed off to lunch.

In the cafeteria, the same level of noise rang throughout the hall, and you were glad you always brought your own lunch as you looked at the line before heading to the courtyard for lunch. It was a beautiful day today, and the sun warmed your skin as soon as you stepped outside, peering around before you spotted Sami and Alan, who were already sitting side by side.

“How are you feeling today?” Sami asked as you sat down next to her, pulling some fruit snacks out of your lunch bag.

“Better. Still pissed, but better,” you assured her. You popped one of the fruit snacks into your mouth before looking up, seeing Kylo and Phasma walking side by side, the two in deep conversation.

“I told her I didn’t really feel comfortable with them coming, but she promised they would behave,” Phasma said as she and Kylo sat down, Kylo sitting next to you.

“I fucking hope so. I thought Milo might get arrested, he almost beat the shit out of Andrew,” Kylo said.

“You guys aren’t talking about Andrew and Lauren, are you?” Sami said, looking between Kylo and Phasma.

“Yeah, Jordan invited them to come tomorrow, but she said she doesn’t really think they’ll come,” Phasma answered.

“Who are they?” You asked, curious about people potentially coming to the party, especially since Sami seemed worried when she asked about them.

“Assholes. Andrew and Lauren are two of Jordan’s friends who already go to CCU. They cause drama with Milo each time, and Andrew keeps looking at me like he’s looking for a fight with me next. Can’t say I’m shocked, I think he lives to get his ass beat,” Kylo said before stealing one of your fruit snacks. You playfully punched his arm as he popped it into his mouth.

“On top of that, Lauren keeps trying to sleep with Jordan. Jordan keeps saying that she’s only like that when she’s fucked up, but she’s always giving me dirty looks,” Phasma said, picking at her food.

Kylo typed something on his phone before showing the screen to you. Phasma and Jordan are dating. That did clarify things.

“Well, let’s hope Jordan’s right, and they won’t even bother showing up. After all, they’re gonna have all this time with Jordan once their semester starts,” Sami said with resignation, taking a sip of the soda she was drinking.

“I don’t feel like being here tomorrow,” Phasma said before heaving a sigh.

“I can’t skip. All of my teachers are friends with my grandfather, not to mention my uncle,” Kylo said with a frown. “I think they did it on purpose.”

“Wouldn’t surprise me, after all your mother is very well-to-do in town, on top of the fact that she’s a government official,” Alan offered. “You got into a lot of trouble last year especially.”

“That’s because Stella would drag me across the state,” Kylo huffed out, a frown forming on his face. You put your hand on his under the table, and he gave you a half-smile.

“We also barely ever saw you then. It’s a miracle they didn’t hold you back,” Sami noted.

“They can’t say I’m not smart,” was Kylo’s response.

When lunch was over, the five of you split your separate ways, and you and Kylo walked to physics.

“You know what we should do?” Kylo said as the two of you pushed your way through the crowd of students in order to get to the physics room.

“What?” you asked, looking up at him.

“Fan the flame,” was all Kylo said, before he held out his hand for you to take. With a smirk, and a rush of excitement in your heart, you took his hand, lacing your fingers with his.

The initial discomfort of how large his hand was compared to yours was overtaken by how well your fingers seemed to lace together with his. Even though his hands were a little rough, nothing about holding his hand felt unnatural, like you’d expected it to.

Walking into the classroom with each other’s hands clasped caused about as much of a stir as you thought it would, and oddly enough, some sick part of you enjoyed it. You enjoyed the whispers of people as the two of you walked to sit at your lab table.

“Did you see that?”

“I guess she’s going for bad boys now.”

“What a way to throw away her future.”

You ignored them- doing so was becoming a sport to you- and you pulled your stuff out of your bag, and prepared to take notes for the day. Kylo leaned over to whisper in your ear, clearly getting as close as he was for dramatic effect.

“Someone’s fuming. Feels like daggers are being stared into my back,” he said to you before sitting up straight and pulling out his own notebook. You didn’t dare look behind you, and instead decided to laugh. Amazing how the simple act of holding hands could get someone so heated.

Physics passed by quickly, probably because you were now in the company of a friend. Between taking notes from the board, you and Kylo would draw on each other’s notebooks, or write notes for each other, trying your hardest to keep from laughing.

The two of you made sure to hold hands walking out, as well, and you laughed all the way to English.

“I only caught a glimpse of his face, but damn was the motherfucker mad,” Kylo said, withdrawing his hand from yours as the two of you entered Mr. Skywalker’s classroom. A very small part of you missed the warmth of his hands when he did.

“Good. I hope his blood boils so much that his head pops off,” you joked as the two of you sat down behind Phasma and Sami.

“What are you two so chipper about?” Phasma asked, turning to face the two of you.

“Just pissing off Satan himself,” you answered, pulling things from your backpack.

“Amazing how holding hands can bring so much anger to one person,” Kylo mused as Mr. Skywalker stood, looking around the room and taking attendance as the late bell rang.

English passed by as quickly as it could, with people reading a book written in old English aloud. You simply ignored them, opting to read ahead and block out the voices. When you glanced over at Kylo, you saw he wasn’t even paying attention. He noticed you looking at him, and wrote on the corner of his notebook.

I read this over the summer.

You rolled your eyes. I guess it made sense, if his uncle already knew that Kylo was going to be in class, and Kylo was under house arrest over the summer.

Did you read all the books for class? You wrote in his notebook. Kylo quickly wrote back before sliding the notebook to you discreetly.

Not Midsummer Night’s Dream. I didn’t feel like reading a play.

You decided to turn away, with a shake of your head, and keep reading ahead. If you finished the book early, you could get a head start on the essay.

Once Mr. Skywalker announced the class finished for the day, you tore a piece of paper and used it as a bookmark for where you’d left off in the book before stowing your stuff away into your backpack.

“I’m skipping tomorrow, sorry Kylo,” Phasma said as she and Sami turned to face the two of you. “I’m gonna help Jordan set up.”

“Jealous. I guess I’ll see you there,” Kylo responded. “What about you, Sami?”

“I’m gonna come, I can’t let you two suffer alone,” Sami said, checking her phone. You felt your phone buzz, and you picked it up from the desk, unlocking it to see a message from Rey.

Can we talk tonight? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever, the text read. You smiled before typing onto your keyboard.

Yeah! I’ve been meaning to call you. You sent the message as the bell rang, and the four of you rose from your seats. Like usual, the four of you walked together, travelling with the crowd like a school of fish all headed for the entrance of the school, relieved the school day was over and the weekend was almost here. You and Kylo departed from Phasma and Sami before heading to Kylo’s car, deciding to sit in the parking lot for a while before heading home. Kylo pulled out a cigarette as he leaned against the hood of his car. You did the same, watching as people scrambled to their cars. You felt so disconnected from everyone now, you realised. When you were dating Shawn, you were a part of the popular crowd, everyone knew and liked you, and you had plenty of friends. Now, you were beginning to become an outcast. But, as you watched Kylo smoke his cigarette, you couldn’t help but be thankful for that. Even though people like Rey, Finn, and the others were genuine people, a lot of the people Shawn had been friends with weren’t, and Kylo’s crowd was a hell of a lot more accepting than any of them. In four days, you’d made amazing new friends, and you couldn’t help but be thankful.

“What?” Kylo asked when he caught you staring at him. Your face flushed from embarrassment, and you turned away, looking out at the crowd of students before smiling.

“Nothing. I’m just really grateful that you guys just kind of took me in,” you said.

“We used to be great friends. Besides, I figured you would appreciate friends who understand more. Not to be dramatic, but none of us have had it easy. It just makes it easier for us to connect to each other,” Kylo explained before tossing the cigarette butt on the ground and stomping it out.

The two of you got into the car and silently drove home. Something you noticed- that you weren’t quite ready to tell Kylo- was how at ease Kylo made you. Though the torrential waves of emotion coursed through you normally, any time you were near Kylo, the sea inside you was calmed, and you felt like you could actually enjoy life for a few brief moments.

When the two of you pulled up to the cul de sac, you saw the two old men sitting on the porch at the Skywalker house. One was obviously the older Mr. Skywalker, chatting away to the man next to him, who you recognized as Mr. Kenobi. Kylo pulled into the driveway and let out a sigh.

“Great, now I get to be asked a lot of questions,” Kylo said with a huff, pushing his black hair out of his face before shutting off the engine. You stepped out of the car, closing the door behind you as you waited for Kylo to get out so you could say goodbye.

“Well, hello (y/n),” Mr. Kenobi called out as he noticed you. You smiled and walked over to the other side of the car in order to properly say hello.

“Hello, Mr. Kenobi! How’ve you been?” you asked, smiling up at the two old men.

“I’ve been well, enjoying my retirement. You’ve been hanging around this rascal, I hear?” he responded, nodding his head at Kylo. You could tell Kylo was annoyed, as his knuckles turned white around the strap of his backpack, but he held it in as he gave a small smile to his grandfather’s friend.

“Kylo’s been kind enough to offer me rides, and we have some classes together. We’ll actually be working on a project in English together,” you responded, continuing to smile at the men. They both nodded and smiled back.

“Well, we don’t want to hold you up for too long,” Mr. Skywalker said. “We’ll see you at dinner tomorrow, (y/n).”

“I can’t wait! See you tomorrow,” you said before waving goodbye to everyone, making eye contact with Kylo one last time before heading home.

When you got inside, you went to your room immediately, pulling out your phone and dialing Rey’s number. As you stepped into your room, you closed the door behind you before dropping your backpack on your floor and plopping onto your bed. You waited as the phone rang, and soon, Rey picked up.

“Hey, (y/n)!”

“Hey! Sorry I haven’t really talked to you guys recently, I’ve been...dealing with stuff,” you responded.

“Yeah, that makes sense. I was getting worried about you and just wanted to check in,” Rey responded.

“Well, I’ve certainly been better,” you started, the tone of your voice taking a turn. “I’ve somehow been able to cope with everything that’s going on.”

“Did you ever find out what happened?”

With a sigh, you tried to collect yourself as you felt that deep pang in your chest. You trusted Rey, that wasn’t the issue. The issue was that the emotions were still so raw inside of you, but you relented. If you told at least one person in your friend group, then it would get spread around between them, so at least you wouldn’t have to tell the story more than twice.

“Yeah Apparently he and some of the guys in the soccer team went to Corellia for a party. The person who sent me the picture said that he’d seen Shawn with this girl all night, and apparently asked Dylan about them, who said they’d been talking for a month before this,” you said, trying to hold in your tears. You weren’t going to sob, but your tears definitely filled your eyes, threatening to spill and break your streak of having not cried all day.

“Oh, (y/n), I’m so sorry. Have you talked to Shawn?”

“No, and I don’t plan on it. I know that all he wants to do is ask me to take him back, but it isn’t happening. He can go have that girl from Corellia for all I care,” you said, wiping away tears from your eyes before they had the chance to fall down your cheeks.

“You’re probably right. He’s always been really self-absorbed, he probably doesn’t even really think he did anything wrong,” Rey stated. As much as it hurt to hear, her words did ring true. Though you’d never thought it in the year the two of you had been dating, Shawn was incredibly selfish. “Anyways, do you want to come over tomorrow night? Rose, Kaydel, and Jannah are coming over, we’re gonna watch some movies.”

You felt bad, as you thought about rejecting Rey’s offer, but you were so excited for tomorrow, there was no way you could miss it. After all, you had accepted that offer first.

“I wish I could, but I’m staying with Sami Martinez tomorrow night. I’m sorry,” you said, your voice truly apologetic.

“It’s okay! That’s something I wanted to talk to you about to,” Rey said. Instantly, you knew where this was going, and you felt a pang of anxiety run through you. You knew this conversation was going to happen with one of your friends sooner or later, might as well get it over with.

“What’s that?” you asked, trying to feign innocence, but probably failing.

“You’ve been hanging out with Ben Solo a lot, and it has us all pretty worried. I get that you might want to piss off Shawn, and that’s totally valid, but I don’t think hanging out with Ben is the best way to do that,” she said, making you want to sigh heavily. Before any of this was over, you were probably going to hear the same spiel from a million other people.

“Look, Rey, I appreciate you guys looking out for me, but Kylo has been nothing but nice to me all week. Besides, we used to be really good friends. I don’t think he’d do anything hurtful to me,” you assured her.

“That’s not really what I’m worried about, (y/n). He might not intentionally hurt you, but he might influence you to be a different person that you aren’t. He hangs out with bad people, and does a lot of bad things himself. I just don’t want you to be influenced by him to do those kinds of things too.”

The sentiment really pissed you off, admittedly. You knew people felt that way about Kylo, that much you’d expected, but to basically be told you were easily manipulated? That was frustrating. If anyone was likely to manipulate you, it was Shawn, and in fact, he had manipulated you. After all, he’d convinced you that you were just like him. You didn’t want to be the same person you were when you were dating Shawn.

“Listen, I’m going to keep hanging out with Kylo. I love and respect you guys, so I’m asking you to do the same for me. I’m not going to be a drastically different person because I’ve been hanging out with Kylo. I’m going to be a drastically different person because I’m not dating Shawn anymore. Believe it or not, I don’t want to be the same person I was with Shawn, because that person was too dependent on her boyfriend. So, I’m going to keep hanging with Kylo and all of his friends. They’ve been nothing but good to me all week, and they’ve been really accepting. You guys are still my best friends, but I’m asking you to please respect my decision,” you said, trying to keep calm as best as you could.

There was silence for a few moments, as Rey processed what you said to her. Then, there was a sigh.

“Okay, (y/n). Just, please be careful,” Rey finally answered. “I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

“Bye,” you said before hanging up. Once you did, you grabbed the pillow closest to you, wrapping onto it as tears began to fall from your face, made from a mixture of rage and sadness. You loved your new friends, especially Kylo and Sami. They didn’t judge you, included you in conversation, and made sure you stayed positive. You were so happy to accept them into your life, welcoming the change they brought, but that couldn’t change the fact that you were afraid to lose your old friends. You’d been friends with them for so long, and you trusted all of them deeply. You knew that once you and Kylo began to feign your relationship, a lot of them would probably view you differently. Even though they barely understood what you were going through, you still loved them. You just worried that everything to come might end the friendships you’d enjoyed for so long.

You stared out of the window, the blinds open, giving you a perfect view of the clear sky. As you looked around the cul de sac from your window, you noticed Kylo standing outside, smoking a cigarette as he leaned against his car. Then, as if he could sense you watching him, he turned his head, making eye contact with you. He waved at you, giving you his signature half-smile. You waved back a little unenthusiastic, but you tried to smile back. You saw Kylo look back down as he pulled out his phone. Not long after, you heard your phone buzz, and you picked up your phone, unlocking it to reveal a message from Kylo.

You okay?

You thought about whether or not to be honest as you stared at the keyboard, trying to think of what to say. In the end, you settled on a simple white lie.

Yeah, I’m fine.

#kylo ren #kylo ren fanfic #kylo ren fanfiction #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x you #high school au

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kyleisme14 · 5 years

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My trip to Area 51 - unedited

On Facebook, a kid from Bakersfield created an event. He uses his page, perfectly named, shitposting because my life is in shambles and makes 'storm area 51, they can't stop us all' and seemingly overnight a million people said that they would be attending. I did attend. Shitposting because my life is in shambles is inadvertent the most zeitgeist worthy name for this page. Shitposting is when you share terrible content that you know is bad just to get a reaction. You are sharing a low effort joke for the sense of connection from others. Because my life is in shambles, this anonymous statement of personal vulnerability, I shall try and make a low effort attempt at connection. This is what our age is all about. We are doomed to be as connected and as isolated as possible. This had a chance of being a real life meme where we'd be isolated no longer.

The page became an immediate stronghold for memes. It adopted other internet jokes like Karens asking to see managers, Kyle's drinking monster energy drink for invincibility, and Naruto runners being faster than bullets, as ways of infiltrating the base. And also generated new ones about what people would find inside Area 51 like the 10th doctor to recommend a toothpaste or where my girlfriend wants to go for dinner or how we'd sneak in with a minivan but escape with a space ship. The killer meme was how once we 'free them aliens' we'd keep them as lovers and bang them so hard that we 'clapped them cheeks'. This was the low effort comedy that this meme page generated.

Was it a joke or would people actually go? At first I did not know why I needed to go to area 51, and everybody seemed to ask me. I failed to recruit any friends to join me on the quest, 7 hours driving to the infamous base. Most thought I was crazy for going. My brother told me to be safe. My sister thought I was joking, and called to counter my bluff. Whenever somebody said they couldn't go, I pittied them because I was sure they were going to miss something incredible and life affirming. I was excited because I had no idea what was going to go down, and nobody in the whole world did. I stopped at the army surplus. I thought we'd either see a humanitarian crisis like fyre fest or a government crackdown. Don't forget, 2 million people clicked GOING online, so even if 1% came that'd be 10,000 people to a town with a population of 1000. The airforce released a warning about 'raiding' active military bases being a bad idea and the use of deadly force being a possibility. Lincoln County, one of nevadas sleepiest, had to call in enough police to potentially break up a neo-woodstock.

I always wanted to go to area 51 since I first learned about aliens as a kid. When I asked the big question of are we alone in the universe? If there was an answer, if somebody had the evidence, if it was anywhere, it was stored at area 51. UFO's and little green men were hiding somewhere in Nevada... at least according to pop mythology. In grade school I would check out the same book over and over from the library, about aliens and the search for exterterestrial life and the scientists who were looking at the stars. There was a spooky section about times aliens might have visited early humans based on cave paintings and statues. And then the next page was all about area 51, where the government did secret expirements on alien artifacts and maybe had a specimen. So I've been captivated since at least then. Area 51 represents a big secret. A mystery! And somebody powerful, a general or established congress person, knows and is keeping the answers from us. So as an anti-establishment, meme and alien lover, I was fascinated with this 'movement,' that would of 'raid the base'. I wanted to go and find out how many people like me were out there! Turns out I wasn't completely alone! But... for the ignorant... What is Area 51? I could never believe people weren't following the biggest BREAKING news of our lives. But for those out of the loop, Area 51 is an infamous hotspot for UFO lovers. It has a rich history in alien folklore. But here is the factual history: Nevada is almost all federal land. and it was used back in the day for nuclear testing. an original tourist attraction to Las Vegas was watching nuclear testing in the distance...

Some airforce commanders were flying around dropping bombs when they spied a dried lakebed next to a mountain, Groom Lake. They landed on it and found it to be a perfectly flat natural runway. Excellent for testing expiremental aircraft. The facility became known as Area 51. And was where the airforce and Lockheed Corp developed the U-2 stealth bomber. They brought the best and brightest scientists and engineers to develop new aeronautics and weaponry for the US military. At the height of the Cold War, any foreign technology that was aquired would be brought to Area 51 to be tested and backwards-engineered. You can imagine Chinese reactors and Russian jets being taken apart and used by the best tinkerer's and best test pilots. People at the highest levels of classified access. Because if you are one of the folks who are handling stolen foreign items, you are so classified that your spouse isn't supposed to know what you do all day. Yes honey, I was testing out the Ruskies new fighter plane! They don't even know we have it! These were experts in aeronautics and weapons science who could decipher technology even if the instructions were in another language... so perhaps if the US government were to encounter any other 'foreign technology' of an unknown origin, maybe they'd send it to Area 51 to be backwards engineered? That's the set up, those are the facts, the rest is conjecture and tinfoil hats stuff. Like unexplained phenomena, military released sightings that definitely aren't weather baloons and general mysticism. Do you believe in aliens or not?

If you believe that it's more likely that our government would keep aliens a secret than releasing that information to the public... welcome to the club! If not, do some reading. As I drove across the desert, down lonesome roads and through one horse towns, I realized what I was doing. I was driving into the middle of nowhere, likely to stand around doing nothing... and boy was I excited. My plan was to go and maybe film something and if that didn't work out I'd put on an alien costume and hold a sign. I figured that there'd be a bunch of cameras and I could use it to collectively protest all sorts of wrongs in the world. One of the initial reacitons to the playful event was, 'hey there are more imporant places to raid! why not raid the border detention centers, why not congress, why not the oil companies?' To which I say, hell yes... but that's not shitposting. That's being earnest and noble. This was about being ironic and part of a joke. This was about chasing an internet meme into the ground and disecting it until all that was left was the human connection. I had a sign and costume and figured that even if nobody showed up at least news organizations would be covering it. The sign I held said, Peace on earth ain't coming from outer space, and I really believe that. We shouldn't expect peace to come from somewhere else in the universe, it has to start right here at home, inside each of us. I wanted to get that message out. The day of the event, due to classic internet decentralization, people debated whether the raid meet up (located at the Area 51 gate) should be at 3am on friday morning or 3am on saturday morning. Most people kind of agreed to just gather sporadically between those two times. I monitored a live stream late on thursday to confirm that millions of people weren't gathering to make American History. Instead, about 30 people gathered for that 3am moment. I only missed a photo-op. I awoke on friday morning and drove towards my destiny. There were two events scheduled. One hosted by the facebook Shitposting kid who decided to use his 15 minutes of fame to organize a rave in the desert at the local Little Ale'inn, a motel close to the gate. The other was set up by a filmmaker who made a movie about Area 51 at the Alien Research Center. Both locales are alien themed tchotchke paradises designed to sell the eager UFO tourist any manner of t-shirt, shot glass or Alien doll. These spots have a fun feel and would be desert trinket spots selling only desert sage and gems if not for the boon of being next to an infamous mystery base.

The dueling events were both hoping to capitalize on the rush of people to the desert for the raid. Alienstock, as shitpost called it, was going to be a kumbaya style gathering. But everybody thought it was an alibi for shitpost incase anybody got in actual trouble at the gate and roped him in. Shitpost from bakersfield ended up not even going to his own event out of fear. Also the county sued him for the cost of preparing for a potential fiasco. The Alien Research Center event was going to have famous Alien Community folks speak and some high end music performances. But as I drove down the dusty route 375, known as Exterterestrial Highway, I saw very few people on the roads. Lots and lots of cops. It became obvious that the whole county and the organizers of these events had been preparingor at least 30,000 people. They had nearly 200 port-a-potties. Which makes sense, if 1% of the people who claimed they were coming online came! The reality was that maybe only 1% of 1% showed up to these sleepy nevada towns on the edge of a fabled military base. The imediate reality of the events was that they were extremely underattended, but that was also a blessing. it made everything a little bit more intimate and accessible. I pulled into the dusty parking lot of the Little Ale'inn to find a rag tag DIY music festival set up. People were essentially tailgating on the side of the road. It was a scene and it was dusty. All sorts of folks were jovially milling about, some in alien themed costume, many with cameras. Many folks with booze, despite the morning. I pulled out a camera and tried interviewing people, but found that everybody I talked to had the exact same talking points. Do you believe in aliens? Duh. Why are you here? Free them Aliens. Do you really think they are in the base? Yes, but maybe now they've been moved. What did you think would happen if we charged? We'd all get killed or arrested. Nobody seemed to have really believed in the facebook post's idea of 'they can't stop us all.' Most people were sure that, especially with the meager turn out, the military and police could stop us all. Everybody just wanted to see what would happen, expecting anywhere from fyre festival 2.0 to a bloodbath to nothing. Everybody had listened to the same Joe Rogan podcast, where he'd interviewed Bob Lazar who claims to have worked at the base. That podcast was the bible of this gathering and was what had inspired Shitpost to shitpost.

It was special that everybody was a believer. That's rare that strangers are all on the same wavelength. Nobody seemed to have any doubts that the government knew about aliens and weren't telling the public. And it was agreed that UFO's had been tested and stored at the base. Everybody I ended up meeting seemed pretty prepared. They had plenty of water and booze and camping supplies, so the idea that a humanitarian crisis was going to occur dissapated completely and reminded me of a group outting to the desert. Most important was that everybody at the event seemed to be in on the joke. They might believe in aliens but had no plans of raiding the base in actuality. Aliens might exist but the might of the US government is way more certain. The police presence alone was insane, but they merely hinted at the military might behind the base's perimeter. The police actually became quite friendly once they realized it wasn't going to be a boodbath. But the silent and hooded guards behind the gate remained terrifying with big guns and big dogs. There was definitely the threat of violence if you crossed. But we all joked that maybe if a million more people showed up we'd actually start Naruto running passed the guards.

After a while of milling around quasi-interviewing people I decided there were enough people with cameras that I should just put on my alien costume and go to the gate and get in front of the camera. I was taken to the gate by some friends I'd made while trying to get interviews. Evan and Kevin were two dudes I became super weirdly close on the day of the Raid. Each of us had come by ourselves from far away, San Francisco, Boston and Los Angeles, with a vague intention of documenting it in some way. I had a vision of either a mini doc or article, Evan was a photographer and who took some insanely beautiful photos (featured here).

Kevin was a video creation guru who just wanted to make as much instagram content as possible. Kevin was by far the most successful, he's got that showman's knack to always get on camera with insanely high energy. There were a lot of cameras and each one he'd run up to and start lecturing about how the governemnt needed to release the secret documents! It was a great bit especially with his Boston Townie accent turned all the way up.

Evan explained how he was drawn to the site by a mysterious desire to see what would happen. He expressed it best as, 'this is like a reddit safe post.' People will find safes while remodeling or cleaning a house and say, 'hey reddit, look i found a safe, i'm going to open it and see what's inside!' Then people get excited trying to guess what marvelous jackpot could be in that old dusty safe. They wait desperately for the original poster to share an update. More often than not the poster never returns and people are left waiting for nothing.

Once and a while there will be an updated post to show what was found inside and sometime's it's a haul of trinkets and dubloons and rare items that were saved throughout time to be found by some noble internet user. but then most of the time it's like, wow a roll of coins from 1953! "so yeah i felt obligated to go and find out what was in the safe and share it with reddit even if there actually was nothing inside. reddit deserves to know.' evan said. Because sometimes those posts are just as important, the safe find coming back to say, 'hey we cracked the safe, but turns out there was nothing in it! here's a picture of an empty safe."

So I was beginning to realize that I was standing inside an empty safe. But wow, all of these people had also come to be here and that was something special. It's not often that we get to organically be around likeminded strangers that all have such clear and imediate shared experience. Here we all were, because of a a meme, just to see what would happen. The gathering had a magical quality because we were an internet joke that had left the cyber space and entered the meat space. It was a silly idea that was reaching a physical end point.

I stood around the gate for a good while, we chatted with everybody, shook hands with the police guarding the gate, exchanged instagram handles and shared jokes we'd heard on the internet. You could tell people were really cutting loose. Most people spent most of their time on their computers it seemed. Hey, me too. We shouted 'clap them cheeks' and 'let them out.' We were all in on the joke. There were still mainly cameras and I got interviewed and photographed by dozens including history channels ancient aliens and the nytimes and countless youtubers and instagramers. It all kind of culminated when Kevin and Evan were getting cold and saying we should leave, I heard a distant 'clap them cheeks' chant and booty shuffling down the lonesome road to the infamous Area 51 gate was Riley Reid! Pornhub's number 1 star. She's somebody I have searched for all my life, on google. She did a strip tease and pretended to rush the gate. She was an internet hero in the flesh, and she was in on the joke too! A perfect metaphor, eh?

The next morning, hungover from the excitement and extrovertism of the day before I was sitting in a diner scouring news websites for mentions of the raid and looking for photos of myself. Behind me I heard some locals discussing, a gravelly voice said, "usually this town has 1 car every 10 minutes. this weekend we've got like 1 car every minute!" The townsfolk seemed to have had the wildest weekend of their lives. Me too. I managed to get into a few articles in my green alien suit. A USA Today affiliate newspaper even printed a whole write up about me and my sign. On the way back, realizing I expected nothing, and found little more than nothing, I was completely satisfied. I had held my sign for peace and found a version of it, internet strangers, weirdos from all over had gathered peacefully to celebrate an idea. A silly and anti authoritarian conspiracy idea, but an idea none the less. I decided the reason I was drove all this way through beautiful american desert land, was because it's something I would have thought was cool as an 11 year old. A mission to see aliens and the people who wanted to meet them. Radical.

#area 51 #journey #journalism #adventure #aliens #clap them cheeks

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autoirishlitdiscourses · 3 years

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Discourse of Friday, 01 October 2021

Find ways to answer questions in section and are a couple of suggestions. You're welcome! This is an impressive move you might conceivably be one of the students introduced themselves to me, I think that your paper should be discussing texts and ideas originating elsewhere, too. Then let your readers know which texts have a point total, based on the final! However, if you'd like. Again, thank you for 20 November discussion of the above course assignments must be completed based on which poem s you're specifically thinking about it from the midterm, and thanks again for doing a large number of students. This is a penalty for going short, or slide it under my office after getting left behind at the final exam, and how is the portrayal of female sexuality similar to and overview of your discussion as a whole you'd have to perform a recitation of at a more successful paper here. To be more specific on several web sites that matches several pages from a crucial point in the context of the question of whose thoughts are sophisticated and that what it is getting feedback in response to you.

Hi! Questions and answers from the Internet and that the best way to stay above the minimum score on section 3 was 6. One thing that other people who see the world will know in a third of a particular stance on the midterm exam on Thursday, October 2:30-3:30-3:50, some people may not be particularly difficult passages that would better be delivered in a negative value judgment about that character. You substituted shadow for shadows in line with a worn pick, and other works, OK? If you miss more than three hundred papers and gave what was overall a very strong job of discussion if people aren't going to land it in contractual terms to the stage, take the time since about 10 this morning to send in some of Yeats's life, and it was actually necessary and that relating the readings in which they're speaking. I'm so sorry to take so long to get you your grade is calculated. See Wikipedia's article on Giorgione's/Sleeping Venus/, the nude painting Fluther & Peter are tittering over in O'Casey: New document on the last half of your discussion of the recording of your thesis to say is: percentage score for the Croppies Yeats, or otherwise just want the discussion component of your weekend! And let me know if you have any questions, though there are always a productive move might be Akira Lippit's recent Atomic Light: Shadow Optics. Anyway, I'm sorry I didn't anticipate at the end of the recitation. I'm really saying here is some background plot summary and possibly other contextualizing information, but it's a concentrated bit that represents, in SH 2635. Wikipedia article on the edge of something genuinely wonderful piece of writing. You could look at last week's presentations has taken longer than I had been properly formatted for instance his sculpture is perhaps most useful here, and he will not grant extensions beyond the length requirement, but it would pay off, though I don't yet see a message from him. I'll see you tomorrow in lecture 5 December: The hat scene in/Ulysses/at the beginning, and enjoy your paper and see whether they're still outside if I offer the fact that you need to be perhaps more flexible, is what you see as significant and connect them to larger-scale motive that makes the IRA and the rusted poison did corrode his blood the way that specific speeches have influenced people is a perfectly acceptable additional text to examine the assumptions that you have a fair point of analysis. Great! I think she's worked hard and earned it. The first of these terms explicitly in your paper in several important ways, what I'd suggest as a whole would benefit from the analytical depth that you kept me in my office hours and am about to turn into a text in more depth, but rather because they tend to do for the quarter to answer email as quickly as you can get in. Participatory-ness, I feel that there are probably others that you want to cover, refreshing everyone's memory on the other paper proposals, but do feel bad about that.

Thanks again for English 150, Fall 2013 Overview: Recall from my student again this quarter, then digging in to the section to agree with you in section on the section that I've gestured toward, though I don't think that you should be the weekend, everyone is excused from section 1:30 or Friday this week's are here. You should consider not because I think that there is some background plot summary and possibly other contextualizing information, at which he goes to off he goes slowly through the tabs. I suspect that you want to go that route. One way to fill out your own strengths. Hi!

Let me know if you are certainly others. Often, B papers take risks in the Davidson library that are related to the MLA standard, and that you kept me in relation to its topic and has generously agreed to share these with your score was 80% I'll have your grade back, but have a few students this quarter, I think that it's necessarily the best possible light, and, overall for the quarter winds up being a good weekend! British pound notably through much of it for. Participatory-ness, I hope everything is permissible from some viewpoint, but if you're feeling: In-progress, and you get no credit for the foreseeable future.

In the same reaction to the section website in a lot of reasons, too. See, now that I'm going to wind up being is the only or best way to fill time and perhaps then to question 1 and see whether I can send me on any replies that say, if your medical condition mandates additional section absences, then you might think when you're in front of me, is perhaps one of the horror or irrelevance of the horror genre, so a film adaptation would certainly be one of the quarter as a whole, I think it's a reflective piece and your recitation and presentation later this week; it sounds like a fair number of things is he willing to give a recitation text. If they hit all of your project, anyway, especially when you're doing other things, thinking about it, your points because it will be there on time. Have a good job. If you're trying to write the best way to section; we talked somewhat about this, let them work to make it the attention it deserves to go. There are many many other possibilities, though I think that your choice related to the course website let me know, you were a good deal about how we react to Lecter and how it operates and is absolutely still within the horizon of possibility for you for being so long as fifteen minutes, Once again, this is a pretty broad word that gets you a five-digit code, which seemed to be jumped, but you came up effectively. You had a good weekend. You to develop.

You also managed to convey the weirdness and energy of Francie's early beating 6 p. Beyond that, since we follow Bloom and/or have a fairly flexible plan that lets you expand or drop material if you want me to say. I'm also happy to proctor it later this week; I think, is, well done overall. 648. To put it in the front of a text that you've learned what the implications of this is simply to sit down and write a draft, and that this was not quite enough points on the distrust of the bird this touches on. Wow, that's perfectly OK if I recall correctly, what do you see as being the plus and minus range is that you make in the context of the passage as a whole, but absolutely not necessary and if so, and it's documented on the essay questions, OK? Don't think about how your attendance/participation score will probably also result in a lot of ways. However, I think that a strong delivery. I'm not willing to make sure that you're working with: what I suspect would have helped to have a perceptive piece here that was fair to Yeats's text, and their relationship to each section and trim out just the guitar part I'll probably wind up unable to turn your final, you can lead up to him. I'll have a B and show that you've chosen, it's impossible to say that your surgery went smoothly. One of these is that you'll do very well. This being a TA, I suspect that she's not telling the truth is very generous Chu—You have some very good job with a good idea, it should serve the overall maintenance of the final.

Really, you have, only a suggestion, there is a very good work for you by this point and think about dealing with this particular assignment, you need another copy of The Stare's Nest by My Window Heaney, Requiem for the phrase at which he had taken the first and last name with two N's. For this reason, but leveraged them well to the performance of another text that will either open up different kinds of distinctions in symbolism are you talking about, and what does it make sense? Discussion may not arise to give a more central position in your section is dealing directly with a woman. In these circumstances, you could say. Really good delivery; you also did some very, very well. Forward to hearing you do wind up unable to turn in your section is dealing directly with a fair amount of time that Heaney is likely that you have a final decision for the specific text of some of the title and copyright page, though this is not based on your grade: You have some very impressive move, which I've posted, but I doubt anyone will object strongly. I cut you off. Can you confirm she was off; dropping warm from Out in th' pan for remember you said it was more common problems with conforming to the MLA standard include, but I don't think that there are potentially many other sections, you two after another group for several reasons. But you really want to do here would help to specify a more natural-appearing and impassioned and, like reports. There will be may still be calculating your grade. I'd rather you did warm up quickly. 7%, a basic critical taboo since the 19th century, and you'll be able to be a stronger link between the Irish as a whole, and an argument based on the final and am about to send your grade in the earlier reference. You or the MLA format? Answer: a bridewell is a weaker assertion that takes a stand, and some gaps here and will split the remaining presenter for the course-standard Gabler one, I think, help you to be most helpful at this point and think about Irish identity that signals that the O'Shea/Parnell scandal in mind and be very profitable. Hi! I'm so sorry to say in my office hours so that its textual interpretation is solid and perceptive as the citizen, the choice of course I'll still take it you're referring to the hesitations and corrections, but there are still two spots in the Ulysses lectures which, as well. In that case. It is also a thinking process that will help you and, like I said, I'm sorry to hear it and pasting the text s with the professor, not a fair and often used the more appropriate theoretical lenses depending on how to deliver it. I'm about to turn in a paper less effective than it needed to happen to have moved forward even more successful. I will respond to a B. I do not affect the reader's ability to be more specific instances of academic dishonesty in the first group covers material that you might enjoy John William Waterhouse's painting Ulysses and other livestock may have noticed, and this weekend. In fact, this is the cluster of assumptions that you have memorized. Results in an even stronger paper, although it's not an easy task, you could be read as having the divergences pointed out that I expect that you'll want to do this. Thanks for your rescheduled presentation. Let me know, I'm happy to hear, but they can take to be tracing a temporal development, for instance, to wind up with an incredibly long time, I think that this is a set of initial examinations of your material effectively and in the propagandistic nature of the section a total of 50 points, though, you will incur the no-show penalty. Perhaps an interesting follow-up exam after lecture tomorrow can you trace a number of fingers at the beginning of the text of the text.

That is to turn into a larger purpose of helping to advance an original line of your finals and essays this quarter. The Search for the assignment handout. I think that one thing, and this is not to claim that for some productive research suggestions today. Also good was the cause in each revolution being, is already strong in some places where nuance and sensitivity are particularly necessary. Is Graded English 150 TA, is a productive and insightful discussion. You have very perceptive readings of Ulysses that's sitting in my box South Hall 3421 as soon as possible, to put these two particular pieces is a formula that gets deep into the important aspects of the book. One would involve breaking up your recitation and discussion I am willing to sacrifice his life, and you touched on some of your plans by 10 p. My own preference, and not dealing with it, then responded to your own ideas.

In other words, by the way that is, after lecture, and some broader course concerns and did a solid job here in a paper to make meaningful contributions to the section guidelines handout; note that Francie's home is? Doubtless your intelligence and enthusiasm mean that you'll need to force a discussion of the total possible points for the English Language; Giorgio Agamben's Homo Sacer. So, here. I see it promptly and therefore a passing grade is 50 10% of your task that you've been a good job here. Chris has generously agreed to share it with a very strong job! Of course I'll respect your wishes.

Define the underlined word in each section. If you glance over at me occasionally, but I think your paper more rigorously, but I presume that this is because the poem and its background. Thanks for your historical sources with a disability and require special accommodations, please let me know whether that's meant to be more specific about where you're doing your opening from Godot tomorrow. I think that it deserves to present material.

If we're getting in Nausicaa and The Cook, the impossibility of meaningfully taking a neutral position, I think that it would be exhausting for someone who is alive, for instance, in this way. That's fine with me about your nervousness can help you to do so by staying in the meantime or have any other questions, please bring your reader to take everyone who's trying to put them into an A paper; I think that you have any more questions, OK? Thanks for your paper. The Butcher Boy song 6 p. What We Lost: Eavan Boland these poems can be a bad thing, you should use a spreadsheet to perform this assignment. Participatory people in section this information allows them to dig in deeper and/or other information that's not on page 4 McCabe 135, McCabe song on p. I am much less true for several reasons. But it's entirely up to reciting in section prepared to perform up to one of the two tests by nearly thirty points, though not necessary to call on you first, the section is in many ways basically fair to O'Casey's text, you can take this into account when grading your recitation that you have them. Think about how I tend to do so by staying in the Catholic Church is already an impressive move. So, the central issue is absurdism, but I also firmly believe that I do not do this. You might look specifically at Bottle and Fishes; Clarinet and Bottle of Rum on a paper of eight full pages—even if it's OK with me in evaluating it; but make sure that you should look at a coffee shop on Sunday afternoon, we could certainly do that if you have a fairly flexible plan that lets you expand or drop material if you get behind. Talking about some aspect of love, for instance, if you'd like. Too, you should provide a more rigorous analysis. 5% 122. I don't know that you've constructed and draw it out sooner, because it would be something that gets addressed as you should also be helpful if you really mop up on reading the assigned texts listed on the first place you might do productive things. He therefore desired me when large numbers of people in section. Just send me a copy of your selection but were very sensitive and perceptive understandings of them are rather interesting: the professor's signature by next Friday 13 December, you might enjoy David Bell's grading rubric is hard-working student this quarter, and to speak with me if it works for you. Since you wrote this up, because I think that there is of course, this is a strong understanding of what the relationship between education and persuasive power in the C range if he'd written all of the syllabus. He missed four sections this quarter, I hope all of your argument in a lot of ways to get people talking. I haven't yet started writing your last chance to satisfy breadth requirements that you may recall from section 2, below.

What kinds of background information. You picked a wonderful job of reciting Stare's Nest; and added and before pulley glitches; and changed I'd say that's a good job of reciting Stare's Nest, getting there a particular orthodoxy of belief or that would help to ground your argument traverses: what I think, finally, the time since then, will change a student's focus rather than the one that is productive overall. Thanks for being a good-faith attempt to ground your analyses are very nuanced readings into a more clearly on the midterm and final exams, and you can receive email at your main claim in your order of preference, and/or citizens were able to avoid discussing it in; if you have a fresh eye and ask again.

Looks good to me for now so no one else has already signed up for the other parties concerned by it. Talking about the motivations of the things I'm less than absolutely perfectly optimal. You dealt very well. All in all, you will attend 9, though. But you did get the changed document to 0.

Goes With Fergus and perhaps by doing a genuinely excellent job of dealing with things that makes a logico-narrative path suggests itself to me and even more effectively would be for you? Hi! After your letter grade/if you want to think about the relationship between Yeats and Maud Gonne; there are certainly capable of doing even better on future pieces of your argument most wants to this, and thanks for letting me know as soon as you write will pay off more. Are you talking about, I think make sure you can conceivably take as long as to cut into the final. You have a positive thing, but will not be a hard skill to learn. One problem that I distribute during class in that case. Research Paper Letter grades for papers which do incur penalties is: What is the most important thing for you and how much of this, can we meet at a time sometime this week in section tomorrow. Let me know. Again, you must at least a preliminary selection of what your grade by Friday evening if you have an awful lot of the texts that you're one of the facts of Yeats's poem, its mythical background, and I'll take it, make sure that this is possible for you?

He talked in section this quarter.

5%, which could conceivably boost your overall discussion goals and points in the directions specified that they should have read the assigned texts. If not, because it makes my life easier if you cannot recite the same coin, I think—as it might not, but what else do we define what each grade is. To put it another way, it will eventually force someone to speak can be even more insightful work on these issues, interests, if I can plan the rest of the room, or nations,—of value. Very well done overall. Does it matter if that doesn't mean that you heard that the quality of the course at this point. In response to your TAs about grad school? Congratulations on declaring the major, and make its way to push yourself to be to examine evidence in a few minutes. There is a list of the people from trying to provide the largest overall benefit to introduce a large number of opportunities to reschedule, and you showed that you will argue that a few per day an A-is still possible for you, I wouldn't gamble on it and whether it's kosher. I have also explained this to be more fair to the bleeded potato-stalks to the deadline and didn't get to Downton Abbey, too. Remember that you need any changes made I made a final draft. However, there's only one freedom for' th' workin man: control; tomorrow night! —Especially Firefox, but if there are possibly many good ideas in more detail if you'd like, because you haven't started it yet or hadn't, when you type in a paper before I grade your paper graded so that I necessarily agree with me at least at the final to get back to some comparatively nitpicky comments about the concept of the total quarter grade at least 46. Both are plausible readings, and gave a sensitive and nuanced, and an A-and carrot-related slack you earlier but the attentive amongst you will just mean that I'm closer to the discussion section is necessary to try to give a more specific way would help—there are other instances.

Discussion notes for week 6. This is why I am available during and after section tonight, just sending me an email and we'll work something out. If you get from the course! I will still be calculating your grade, which is not too late to do this well enough to engage in micro-level details of phrasing and style would, I think that practicing a bit early, and in a B for the day you are from the next day overlapped with your section during the quarter, recite the poem.

#Irish literature #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Python #Markov chains

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your-dietician · 3 years

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MLB & the Dodgers needlessly delayed an obvious Trevor Bauer decision

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/mlb/mlb-the-dodgers-needlessly-delayed-an-obvious-trevor-bauer-decision/

MLB & the Dodgers needlessly delayed an obvious Trevor Bauer decision

Trevor Bauer is not starting for the Dodgers on Sunday. That was the obvious decision from the moment a temporary restraining order against the pitcher was filed on Tuesday, and even more so when the graphic and disturbing details were revealed on Wednesday. That the decision for Bauer not to pitch didn’t come until Friday is the infuriating part, emblematic of a sport that pays lip service to caring about women but always seems slow to demonstrate this support in practice.

Major League Baseball placed Bauer on paid administrative leave on Friday, the mechanism by which Bauer is removed from the roster for seven days while an investigation is ongoing. MLB can extend the administrative leave, which is not yet considered discipline (but can later be applied as time served against a future suspension), by asking the Players Association for a seven-day extension.

Since the joint Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault and Child Abuse Policy was instituted in 2015, seven players before Bauer were first placed on administrative leave. Five had their administrative leave extended at least once, agreed to by the MLBPA as an investigation was ongoing.

A sixth — Jose Reyes in 2016 — had his leave converted to a paid suspension until the completion of his legal proceedings. The collective bargaining agreement gives the commissioner the power to do this if he feels that “allowing the Player to play during the pendency of the criminal or legal proceeding would result in substantial and irreparable harm to either the Club or Major League Baseball.”

MLB in-season domestic violence investigations

Since the start of the Joint Domestic Violence , Sexual Assault and Child Abuse Policy, agreed to by MLB and the MLBPA, started on August 21, 2015.

Bauer’s hearing to respond to the restraining order is July 23, so it’s reasonable that his administrative leave could last until at least then.

Reyes had already been arrested in Hawaii and had a trial date set for April when he was placed on paid suspension five years ago. Charges were eventually dropped because Reyes’ wife did not cooperate with prosecutors. To date, Bauer has not yet been arrested or charged by the Pasadena police, though an investigation remains ongoing, and per Bob Nightengale at USA Today, is increasing in scope:

“We were looking into some things and we thought we were nearing the end,’’ Lt. Carolyn Gordon, who is overseeing the investigation, told USA TODAY Sports Friday. “We are not close to the end.

“This investigation is bigger than we thought. So we have to look a few more places. We want to try to uncover as much stuff as we can.’’

Gordon said the police department has received new leads in the investigation that began about six weeks ago.

The restraining order obtained filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Tuesday, as described by Katie Strang and Brittany Ghiroli at The Athletic, as well as Jeff Passan and Alden Gonzalez at ESPN, detailed sexual encounters with Bauer on April 21 and May 16:

On May 17, the day after the alleged assault, the woman went to the emergency room and was diagnosed with “acute head injury” and “assault by manual strangulation.” San Diego police spoke with her. The woman said she “attempted to downplay what occurred out of concern for my privacy and what my statements might lead to.” She told police she didn’t want to file charges.

Bauer’s representatives sent along screenshots of texts between Bauer and the woman who filed the restraining order, along with a statement from one of Bauer’s agents, Jon Fetterolf, which includes, “We have messages that show [the woman] repeatedly asking for ‘rough’ sexual encounters involving requests to be ‘choked out’ and slapped in the face. In both of their encounters, [the woman] drove from San Diego to Mr. Bauer’s residence in Pasadena, Calif. where she went on to dictate what she wanted from him sexually and he did what was asked.”

At Beyond the Box Score, Sheryl Ring outlined the legalities of consent, specifically how it relates to Bauer:

With this background, you probably now see what the problem is with the text messages released by Bauer’s team…and why they haven’t yet used them in a court proceeding. First, the messages essentially confirm that some sort of encounter occurred and that violence was involved. Second, they do not, in and of themselves, constitute consent for either encounter; at best, they constitute ratification of the first encounter only. Flirtation, in and of itself, is never consent. Third, nowhere do the messages mention punches or concussions, which means that even if Bauer’s victim consented to rough sex and choking, those messages don’t excuse the concussive blows. And fourth, Bauer admitted to performing sex acts on his victim without her knowledge whilst she was unconscious, and she cannot legally consent to those acts.

Bauer hasn’t yet been charged with a crime. It doesn’t mean he won’t be, and it certainly doesn’t mean he won’t be suspended by MLB. The seven previous players who were placed on administrative leave were all suspended, for an average of 62 games. The fewest was 20 games for Julio Urías in 2019, who spent the minimum of seven days on administrative leave after getting arrested on suspicion of domestic battery for reportedly shoving his girlfriend in a parking lot.

From Jorge Castillo at the Los Angeles Times in August 2019:

In June, city prosecutors announced they would not file charges against Urias and no action would be taken in connection with the report, as long as he is not arrested again for violent criminal behavior in the next year and he participated in a 52-week domestic violence counseling program in person.

Which brings us back to the timing of all this.

Of the six MLB domestic violence suspensions in which the incidents took place in season, five players were placed on administrative leave within 24 hours of either the incident itself or news of the incident. Domingo German’s incident in question came on September 16, 2019, but pitched two days later for the Yankees, who said they didn’t know about the incident until he was placed on administrative leave on September 19.

With Bauer, the restraining order was filed on Tuesday. Even if MLB and the Dodgers didn’t know of the severity right away, those details were widely reported on Wednesday.

But we had to go through the charade on Thursday, before the Dodgers’ series opener in Washington D.C., during which manager Dave Roberts said that Bauer was going to start on Sunday and that the team was simply following the direction of MLB.

“Regardless of what the organization wanted to do, this is what has to happen,” Roberts said. “It’s out of our hands.”

While technically true that the CBA gives the commissioner sole authority to impose discipline for violations of the domestic violence policy, there’s also the common sense of not wanting a player who is accused of felony assault to represent your team right now.

The Dodgers have made roster moves with ulterior motives before.

Ross Stripling was sent to Arizona for a month while on the minor league injured list for “lower body fatigue” in 2016, which was really just to limit his innings not yet two years removed from Tommy John surgery.

Walker Buehler was optioned during the All-Star break in 2018, which just so happened to deny him enough service time to fall four days shy of a full year, which assured he’ll be a free agent after 2024 instead of 2023. “It’s workload, it’s roster management,” Roberts said at the time.

The Dodgers could have sat Bauer themselves by saying the decision was related to the long-term health of the roster. But please spare us the line, “It’s out of our hands.” That was insulting, and it’s ridiculous Roberts was even in the position of having to say it.

MLB might not have been too concerned about acting promptly, perhaps wanting to wait until the morning of Bauer’s start, to start the seven-day clock as late as possible. Maybe their timeline was accelerated by the terrible optics — and resulting bad press — of having Roberts go through the motions, not realizing the harm it inflicted.

Or maybe the league didn’t care.

This is an industry that saw Jared Porter rise through the executive ranks, receiving nothing but glowing reports about what a great guy he was. Only to have it all come crashing down within days after being named general manager of the Mets, for sending unsolicited, lewd texts to a female reporter years earlier. When Hannah Keyser at Yahoo Sports asked Mets president Sandy Alderson how many women were interviewed about Porter’s character before getting hired as GM, he said none.

MLB is an institution in which Mickey Callaway’s lewd behavior to women was called, in a report from The Athletic, “the worst-kept secret in sports.” Yet he was hired by the Mets and Angels after his time in Cleveland despite this reportedly notorious past, before getting suspended this year.

Callaway and Porter were both placed on MLB’s ineligible list through at least 2022, but they are by no means alone. MLB as an industry has fostered this abhorrent behavior towards and treatment of women for decades.

When Addison Russell was placed on administrative leave by the Cubs in September 2019, that same day, as chronicled by Sara Sanchez at Bleed Cubbie Blue, owner Tom Ricketts and president of baseball operations Theo Epstein answered questions from the media.

On Friday, with Dodgers team owners, team CEO and president Stan Kasten, and head of baseball operations Andrew Friedman all in Washington D.C. to visit the White House for winning the 2020 World Series, only Kasten spoke to reporters.

Kasten said some substantive things, including, per Bill Plunkett at the Orange County Register, “We’ll have things to say about questions like that when this is over. But it isn’t over, and to say anything while it’s ongoing would not be proper. I don’t want to do that.”

But it was this, in Dylan Hernandez’s column at the Los Angeles Times, that is enraging:

While Kasten offered lip service about being “mindful” and “sensitive” to the opinions others have on Bauer’s situation, he sounded as if he failed to grasp the seriousness of the problem.

He greeted reporters on Friday by joking about the advice he offered manager Dave Roberts the previous day before his daily pregame videoconference.

“I told him, ‘They’re going to talk about Trevor Bauer,’” Kasten said. “Just say, “Can we please talk about foreign substances?””

He laughed.

As an organization, you can’t puff out your chest after backing out of a deal for Aroldis Chapman in December 2015 after news of his domestic violence — for which he was later suspended for 30 games — came to light; and you can’t boast about how acquiring someone like Roberto Osuna, as his 75-game suspension was ending, was not for you, only to turn your head now.

When the Dodgers signed Bauer to a three-year, $102 million contract in February, a good chunk of the introductory press conference featured questions about Bauer’s past online harassment of women — I talked about this at the time on two different podcasts — which persisted mostly because he kept giving non-substantive answers.

“There’s some stuff that’s more public with Trevor that definitely was something that we wanted to dig into. We had multiple conversations with Trevor. Stan and I talked to Trevor,” Friedman said on February 11. “From our standpoint, it was important to have that conversation. We came away from it feeling good about it. Obviously, time will tell, but I feel like he is going to be a tremendous add, not just on the field, but in the clubhouse in the community. That’s obviously why we’re sitting here.”

The Dodgers bet heavily that Bauer’s pitching would outweigh all the baggage. Right now those odds aren’t looking so good.

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sighingtirf · 7 years

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It’s just...so hard to wrap my mind around all that has happened within this year.

And I don’t want to let go of it. I’m terrified of losing the memories. Time keeps going on, and that’s always fucked with me.

I want to be back in the old house, in the old neighborhood. I want her to be alive again. I want him to be hurting me again.

I dropped out of school at the beginning of October.

I went to the concert at the end of October. A few days prior, I went to a concert from a band he was really into, as well. It was at this latter concert that my altered states seemed to go away / merged into one/me. I didn’t realize that at that time, but looking back on it, that seems to be where it happened.

Then there was Halloween. I let him dress me up and apply my makeup. He helped her with her makeup. She was cute and having fun and taking pictures and posting them to facebook. He and I wandered around outside and talked about The Devil’s Carnival, and we compared ourselves to the Painted Doll and that angel dude who betrayed her, because I was dressed as a devil (and there was already a comparison between me and her before this), and he was dressed as an angel.

Early November, he physically assaulted me.

Early November, the elections happened. Trump took executive, and the other two branches turned red too.

Mid November I vented to my best friend six hours straight about everything he was doing and had done to me. I about had a panic attack when I recalled the physical assault, not having realized just how bad things were. I started really being able to put into words everything he was doing, and started really figuring out that it was abuse.

Shortly afterwards, I had a two and a half hour talk with him about everything. He understood and admitted to fault and apologized and talked things through with me. The next day he was so gentle and careful and I became more terrified than ever because it felt like walking on eggshells, when before it would just be constant stress but I KNEW when he was getting aggressive. I was terrified for months afterwards.

Three of my cats had to leave. We took them down to my grandparents’ house, but they weren’t allowed to go indoors because the cat they already had hated other cats.

The next day or so, we moved out of the house and into the new one; a few weeks prior she had received news that the rent was rising and we couldn’t pay it (and I heard her crying on the phone on her bed), so we had to find a new place.

She went into the hospital not long before my birthday, as her mental state was getting to that point again. Although I wanted her here when I turned 18, I worried for her safety and valued her health.

My 18th birthday was miserable, made better only through the fact that a mutual of mine drew my self-insert.

I soul-bonded with my self-insert.

She was still in the hospital by Christmas. Christmas was awkward. It was held in our house like my mother wanted--we’d been excited to finally have a big enough place to host Christmas this year--but she wasn’t there. My grandparents were, and my fiance and I were, but he was so awkward with them. It was all-around awkward and I wished it could have been happier and closer, but that’s hard to have happen when your fiance is secretly abusing you and is uncomfortable with most of your family and your mother is in the hospital being court ordered and otherwise abused by medical “professionals”.

I was crushing on a mutual, and it was getting more and more intense by the day. I was falling in love with him.

January, my mom got out and we held our own Christmas, even though it was late. She was so excited and bouncy.

My fiance raped me.

Later in January, she took my fiance and I to my birthtown. It was so nice visiting. We wanted to see snow, but most of it was hardened and we couldn’t really play in it, but I loved it anyway. We broke some random person’s sled because my fiance was insensitive and decided to coerce us to go on property that turned out to be private property. We had Wendy’s.

February, my mutual and I confessed our feelings for each other, and came so close to dating. And then the very night before Valentine’s Day, he bailed on me for some other girl. I spent all of Valentine’s Day crying. I made vent art of my self-insert being abandoned by his love interest, to be left with his abusive boyfriend.

Sometime in March, my mom went in for surgery; her boyfriend was getting out of prison soon and she didn’t want the possibility of having more kids because although she would love that, she knew she wasn’t capable of raising any more children. Then she got the flu. Despite this, she was relatively happy because for once, the people in the hospitals were treating her with relative dignity and respect because it was clear physical issues she was in for, not mental health or “something is wrong with me physically and I don’t know what please help”, and because her boyfriend was getting out of prison soon.

The beginning of the week. Her boyfriend got out of prison. She was so happy. So so happy.

Monday. I finally had a long talk with my fiance about everything. It was finally to the point where I had a chance of breaking away from him, safely, without losing the support I still desperately needed. Things were going to finally be okay.

Tuesday. My grandparents’ cat died. She was as old as I was. We’d had her since I was two years old. Everyone’s pets were dying that week...it was incredibly strange.

Wednesday. I woke up at around 4 AM to go pee. I heard soft talking and crying at the bottom of the stairs. I consider going back to bed, but I go down to find my fiance talking with my mom, who’s crying on the couch. She hadn’t gotten to see her boyfriend. She had sent him messages saying that she felt hurt that he kept brushing her off and wasn’t even talking about making time to see her, and he responded by being extremely cruel, sending awful messages--”it was like he took everything he learned about me during our relationship, and he used them all against me”.

Thursday. My fiance and I contact an abuse hotline together, loveisrespect, which I’d contacted secretly twice before about him. He was looking for help and counseling, as an abuser, to learn how to better himself and not be harmful. Not much seemed to come of it, especially as the connection kept shutting down for some reason.

Friday. I went to my grandparents’ for the weekend, to visit an old friend and hopefully meet up with a potential hookup.

Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. I didn’t know. I was ignorant what happened, what was happening at the same time I was meeting with my friend. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday.

Sunday.

I can’t.....

Sunday.

We went to church.

She was supposed to pick me up.

She wasn’t even answering the phone.

My fiance had messaged my grandpa, saying she wasn’t answering her door in the morning before he went to work, either.

Sunday.

My grandparents drove me home.

Sunday.

My grandfather ran up stairs.

Sunday.

He pounded on the door. Called her name. I pounded on the door. Yelled her name.

Sunday.

He finally managed to break down the door.

Sunday.

She was gone. She appeared to be there, but she wasn’t. Not really. she was gone. the medics came. they confirmed it.

we knew what she’d done. it was an overdose. she was gone.

time stopped the moment i saw her. it hasn’t progressed since. it’s still april 2nd, a little past 2 pm. it’s still april 2nd. it’s still april 2nd.

may. we moved to this new state. my first time living out of state.

june. apparently i’m a butch lesbian.

july. i have a radfem blog now. i’m a radfem, apparently.

sometime around this time, my soul-bonded self-insert left me, as connecting to me was messing with him and affecting his ability to survive in his own life.

late july. her birthday. her birthday.

august. i belive it was early this month, either that or late july, that my relative showed her colors and abusively screamed at me. later i come to the conclusion that my fiance had raped me back in january. i figure this out either the day before, or the day that we move into my first apartment that i have to pay for with her money, that she isn’t around to see.

september. idk, don’t remember.

october. it’s october now. fiance turns out to be a radfem, too. comes out as a lesbian. my grandparents are making preparations to move up here too, and to sell the house they’ve had since before i was born. the house i grew up in.

#rape /#trixy talks #memories #then there's all the world events and the supernatural d&d compaign and the people i met on okcpuid and the pride night and more #so much has happened

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