#and then he goes and fights the hoa??? because why the hell CAN'T he have a bbq in his backyard what the fuck???

[sunshinediaz]

wip wednesday

tagged by @wikiangela whose car sex fic has me SAT

i started the heart attack fic for bthb, but i'm gonna keep that to myself until it's finished and posted because i’m very insecure lmao, so have a little bit of eddie vs the hoa

“You sound jealous.”  Eddie balks, insulted at the mere suggestion that he’s jealous of somebody as contemptuous as Abbie Jean Gentry. “I am not!” He snorts. “I have never in my thirty-two years of life—count ‘em, thirty-two—I have been shot and stuck beneath the ground and lost my wife and been to war, but I have never, ever been jealous of anybody, and especially not motherfucking—” “Could’ve fooled me,” Buck interrupts, elbowing him in the side and motioning with his head at the woman walking up to their stall. “Hi, Mrs. Gentry.”  Abbie Jean Gentry is a beautiful, chubby woman with long, curling black hair and big, light green eyes. Her voice is deep and her laugh is infectious and she pulls off heels just as well as sneakers; she commands any room she walks into and makes sure to shake the hands of every person she meets and does her best to help solve whatever problem she’s faced with.  She’s not a bad person.  Eddie can’t stand her.  “Hi, Buck.” She smiles, all straight white teeth, and Eddie remembers the two years he wore braces with disdain. His sisters were ruthless when they made fun of him. “How are you?”  “Enjoying all these sweet treats,” Buck says, laughing, and hands the last sugar cookie off to one of the little kids that were following Chris around earlier. “Looks like the sale’s going well.”  She nods, appraising the fish bowl full of paper bills and coins at the edge of their table. It’s not as full as hers—she’s probably so proud. “It’s going even better than I expected,” she agrees, judging their clutter of cupcakes and broken cookies. “Did you make these yourself, Buck?”  “Huh? Oh, no.” Buck grins, hooking his thumb toward Eddie. “Eddie helped.”  Abbie Jean Gentry blinks, feigning surprise. “Oh, Mr. Diaz.” She smiles, close-mouthed and thin. “I didn’t see you there.”  Funny. Eddie’s standing right next to Buck, near enough their shoulders are touching. One can’t notice and speak with Buck without noticing the other.  Eddie curls his lip up. “I’m sure you didn’t.”  Buck elbows Eddie again, hard enough to hurt this time. “You’ll have to excuse him,” he says, giving her his best grin and wow, his best friend is a suck up. “We stayed up late last night finishing the cookies and cupcakes, and he hasn’t had anything to eat today except sweets.” 

this fic accidentally turned into a whole thing so we’ll see where it goes

no pressure tagging: @disasterbuckdiaz, @thewolvesof1998, @wildlife4life, @alyxmastershipper because i saw you say something about sub eddie 👁️, @shitouttabuck, @eddiediaztho 💜, @diazblunt, @watchyourbuck, @try-set-me-on-fire, @honestlydarkprincess, @housewifebuck, and uh whoever else 🫶🏼

#listen eddie's a piece of WORK in this fic #he's so fucking. man goes and buys a new house because his bff says the kitchen in his current home is too small. #said man does not realize what that means to said bff and the rest of their family. #and then he goes and fights the hoa??? because why the hell CAN'T he have a bbq in his backyard what the fuck??? #you're telling eddie diaz he can't have a bbq or cameras or park his truck *like that*? #YOU'RE TELLING EDDIE DIAZ HE HAS THREE TICKETS WITHIN THE FIRST WEEK OF LIVING IN THE NEW HOUSE? #man mows his yard and then accidentally spends the whole day mowing everybody else's yards too bc he sees 1 snake and he's not having it #and to top it all off he's being told he's in love with his best friend??? #god give the dude a break there's only so much he can take at one time #accepting he's in love with buck is second on the list #the first is making sure the goddamn dryer dries his clothes because he's not buying another one!!! #tag games

[dr3amofagame]

fuck it i'm making this c!awesamdreamity sitcom AU (dr3 edition) a real thing for the funnies alone. why the hell not

premise: they get thrown into a sitcom. that's it. they're in a sitcom world that plays by sitcom rules, which means that everything that occurs Has to conceivably work within the genre. that means no throwing dream in a cell underground and treating him as a prisoner, sam, that's not funny enough. they can't leave or escape, and if they try to do something that Doesn't work within the genre they'll either just be completely unable to do it or they'll be foiled in some genre-specific way (ex: sam tries to build a cell on the property anyway and ends up in a three-episode arc about his fight with HOA)

the main point of this set up is that anything is technically possible as long as it works within the bit. also, yes, there's a laugh track, and whether or not the characters can hear it has everything to do with what's the funniest option (c!sam fucking hates the thing, for the record.)

highlights of this include:

the sitcom Demands A Relationship. because neither c!quackity nor c!sam is willing to do the whole married couple spiel with c!dream, that means that c!awesamq are the ones that are officially "together." this goes so fucking badly and is like, the primary reason why i'm making this a thing in the first place

c!dream isn't Allowed to be a prisoner, but he does have to stay within the house. between the genre and c!awesamq's opinions, he's not really going to end up as just "the roommate" or family or you know, an official third part of the throuple, so the maid it is

a level of violence is allowed but like, the actual pain/consequences has everything to do with whether it works For The Bit or For The Drama. like, c!q might hit c!dream with the car and nothing will happen bc it'll be played off as a punchline, for example, but also a dramatically timed fall might lead to someone walking around with a broken arm for an 'episode' or two. there's no magical accelerated healing here, just the Power Of The Bit

similarly, a lot will be allowed to slide as long as you're genre savvy about it. c!quackity won't be able to get away with outright torturing c!dream for hours, of course, but pushing him around is fine as long as it's funny enough. especially if it comes with a side of romantic drama

speaking of the romantic drama, hoo boy are c!awesamq a fucking TRAIN WRECK. like my god are they so toxic. c!sam is literally the quintessential asshole condescending boyfriend on that server and c!q has a quick fuse, a hell of a temper, and generally reacts to being talked down to with several knives and cursing. they take to a domestic romantic relationship as a fish does to . uh. lava maybe. like it's BAD

think screaming slammed doors things being thrown there's a glass sailing towards c!sam's head screaming over the banisters holes in the drywall fine! FINE! [laugh track] bad. it'd be gloriously, ridiculously toxic. the crowd goes wild

c!quackity has to contend with the fact that his husband is absolutely down horrendous FOR THEIR STUPID GODDAMN MAID .

the maid also wants his husband more than quackity :/ sidelined in his own relationship once again (i wonder why, Q)

how well they adjust has everything to do with how well they acclimate to the genre. c!quackity does the best job--he knows how to play a crowd and do so well. c!sam by FAR acclimates the worst. he's inherently completely offended by the idea of everything about his job and the prison being turned into Entertainment, into something Funny, into A Show To Consume and basically reacts to the sitcom thing by trying to ignore it. this, of course, means that he ends up generally being the butt of the joke

c!dream is. well. at least he's got less stress about dying i guess. and is generally a lot less injured bc starvation and torture lead to lower comedy ratings smh. is still kinda in hell but you know yesterday he got to watch c!quackity hit c!sam over the head with a frying pan and literal cartoon birds appeared so

honestly he's kinda quietly having an existential crisis and lowkey earning sympathy points from the proverbial audience by being the one that comes off the least as Just The Complete And Utter Worst

(meanwhile: c!sam is yelling at c!quackity for how he's apparently cut up all of his dress shirts while c!quackity screams back about something something and he can stick the scissors up his ass)

[laugh track]

#c!awesamdreamity hell house AU #c!awesamdreamity #not going to be making Anything serious with this it exists solely for the meme #c!quackity slamming open the door of their broom closet to find c!awesamdream making out: #c!awesamq domestic toxicity. GOLD FUCKING STAR #and yea theyre both fucking dream on the side bc theyre a goddamn hell throuple