#and that will be the day i will have fully transitioned into my grandmother rip | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ilikeyoshi · 2 years

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fundraising is what helped me get my own surgery paid for (it was half covered but that was still 2-4k) so i really try to donate to every top surgery fundraiser i see ;_; i can personally attest that even $5 or $1 means the world to me and almost definitely every trans person in existence.

that shit—the shit where your chest makes you so dysphoric you can't MOVE without triggering it—is so, so so so mentally draining. i had to go to work every day knowing my chest was too big to fully bind, it would always bulge and bounce. it's like torture, not because there's anything inherently WRONG with big breasts, but when you know how that affects the way people perceive you, how you perceive yourself, it's just devastating.

and that's BEFORE any other medical issues! back pain from disproportionate breast weight, multi-general breast cancer risks. those are two things i had to deal with every day too. my top surgery cured that back pain, and since i have way less breast tissue, my risks for breast cancer (which my mom and maternal grandmother have both had) is reduced.

it truly saves so much peace of mind. i'm so, so grateful people helped me; especially because if i had stuck to my original plan of WORKING and saving however much of my paycheck i could, do you know what would happen? i'd still have those dysphoric, back breaking tits. my estimate from how much of my biweekly $15/hour paycheck i could dedicate to surgery savings meant it wouldnt be until i was THIRTY (i was 25) that i could seek help.

and the scariest part? i had to QUIT THAT JOB in 2021 because i was mysteriously sick with fatigue and pain that i only finally figured out THIS MONTH is probably an autoimmune disease. which means, if i hadn't been blessed by kind people who donated to my top surgery fund, my only source of money towards that surgery would have been ripped out of my hands in early 2021. delaying my getting that surgery indefinitely, because i haven't been able to work since last december.

truly. i hope everyone who helped me knows how much you genuinely, sincerely, thoroughly saved my fucking life. i was already devastated by the thought of having to wait til i was 30, but if i'd lost my job while i was still saving? if i found myself too sick to get out of bed half the days of a week? i can't promise what my mental state would've been. not good though. very, very not good.

anyway, if you've ever needed convincing to start a fundraiser for your gender transition, here's a bunch of the reasons it was the best decision i ever made. people will help you, if they can afford to, and sometimes they'll shorten your timeline just enough to save you from unforeseen future complications that would've fucked your timeline.

#thank you again. i'm grateful every day i get dressed to go out and think #''i'm so happy. i'm so comfortable''#thank you thank you thank you #yoshi talks

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isasodas · 5 years

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( amanda arcuri | she/her | demigirl ) hey, you hear wannabe by why mona playing over on the 1st floor? that’s where isa sosa lives! i heard they moved in from red cloud, nebraska exactly four days ago. they’re very intuitive but also pretty blunt. maybe that’s why davie keeps calling them the occultist. starlit is full of people, but this twenty year old is really going to liven things up around here! ( nomi | twenty one | she/her | est )

ayo everybody it’s ya girl nomi coming at you a second time with my chaotic bby isa! i love her and i rarely get the chance to play her so i’m honestly hype. down bellow is the nitty gritty about her! please give this post a like and i’ll slide into your dms, but tbh i’ll probably do that anyways skjdsjk

SHORT BIO isa’s actual bio is long as hell and also in a really weird format idk why I did that to myself but anyways here is the short form

isa lived in a small town in nebraska pretty much all her life. she was raised by her (horrible, neglectful) mother alone until she was six and her mother abandoned her. she was then taken by the police and given to her grandmother because her father has never been in the picture

her aunts and grandma literally never knew who this man (her father) was either??? like literally no one knew who he was and everyone was honestly convinced that even isa’s mom didn’t know for sure either if you know what i mean like? isa still doesn’t know who this man is until this day and tbh she doesn’t really care

isa was taken in by her grandmother (gemini or gem for short) and aunts ( persephone and venus) and pretty much raised by the three women above their family shop

the sosa’s owned a fortune telling shop that also sold new age merchandise like crystals and talismans etc. isa actually comes from a family of ‘psychics’ (like her aunts are fortune tellers, her grandma was one, her great grandma was one, etc. the only one who really broke the pattern was isa’s mother) so she was always kinda surrounded by weird things and told weird things.

she worked front desk at her family shop since she was about six and would honestly probably still be working there if she didn’t move. was the worlds worst receptionist for years.

anyways isa was bullied pretty heavily during school when she was younger because she was different. she didn’t really act or dress like the other kids did so they picked on her until isa basically put a stop to that by pretending to cast a spell on a girl who was bullying her. she used pigs blood that her grandmother helped her get from the butcher (her grandmother actually helped her come up with the fake spell if that tells you anything about their family) and some really impressive acting for an eight year old in her little performance so yeah people left her alone after that pretty much for the rest of her school career. she probably traumatised that little girl a bit too big rip

so yeah isa never really had many friends through school, a bit of a social pariah, you know how it goes uNTIL she left nebraska and made some of her closest friends, but i am waiting for said friends before i write up how she met all of them!

before finding her little crew isa’s closest confidant was actually her grandmother growing up. isa still calls her often to let her know what she’s up too. she’s one of the few people who completely understands isa in and out

isa ended up leaving nebraska for art school on a scholarship she never in her wildest dreams imagined she’d get. while she was in art school she was working as a personal assistant for a billionaire art curator who was a dick tbbh i’m not going to even lie. he was horrible to isa and everyone else, cheated people out of their money, stole art, took from charities, the whole lot of it so isa started a plot with some of her friends to rob the asshole blind, and that’s exactly what they did. now they’re here at starlit a few million dollars richer and trying to lay low. isa honestly is no stranger to stealing, honestly she’s a bit of a klepto, but this is the biggest robbery she’s ever done. she’s not particularly nervous about getting caught because they did cover their tracks really well so she’s kind of treating this like a little vacation even though she shouldn’t smh

CLIFFNOTES

born io salma sosa (yes she was named after the moon)! has gone by isa since her aunt gave her the nickname as a kid though. uses she/her pronouns although she doesn’t fully identify as a girl.

Isa true love is art. you can pretty much consistently catch her doodling.

Speaking of doodling, lets talk about doodling on things you shouldn’t (what a smooth transition amiright), Isa is lowkey a graffiti artist. She’s one of those people who thinks that art shouldn’t be contained and that it should be free, so she tends to spray paint and draw everywhere. She has yet to get caught but not from lack of trying on the police’s part. Isa tends to cause a fuss wherever she goes with her graffiti considering that Isa’s art tends to be creepy to say the least (she tends to go for the gory and freaky over the pretty) and people tend to take pictures of it, put it on instagram and twitter and the like. Isa’s actually made quite a name for herself in the online community, with people commenting on her art and discussing it (kind of like banksy but nowhere near as big). They tend to refer to her by a few different names (scythe, tweek, creep, etc) and they have really yet to decide on one. Isa, being the troll she is, occassionally joins the online debates for fun (if you were wondering, Creep is her favourite)

Like I said, Isa is a bit of kleptomaniac (she used to steal out of necessity, and she still kind of does when necesarry (although she won’t have to as much now considering she’s Rich), but sometimes she also does it for fun), and she doesn’t actually have the healthiest relationship with her emotions (which is what tends to happen when you know, trauma happens) but like catch this girl at therapy over her Cold Dead Body, she’ll die before talking about her feelings she really will

Like I said earlier, the Sosa family are psychics and sell new age retail (you name it they have it and they’ll at least try to con you into buying it.) that said, honestly, they aren’t real psychics. One of Isa’s aunts knows she isn’t and has gone full con artist with the whole thing, and the other thinks she can really see and sense the future which is just a whole other thing but ANYWAY isa is kind of in between them. she doesn’t fully believe in everything but she will charge you a twenty to read your aura yk

apparently chaotic evil according to a test i did one time so there’s that. also an aquarius

has the emotional range of captain holt but like if captain holt was a tiny latina yk

also only 4″11?? not even five foot?? amanda arcuri is tiny af y’all

fun facts: loves aliens, is bi as hell, is also a vegan, very liberal as you might guess, has picnics in cemeteries and might lowkey seem kind of emotionless but i promise she wants to be your friend so please hmu if you wanna plot, although knowing me i might just hit you up first

WANTED CONNECTIONS ;

exes (maybe a past hookup that’s kind of like a ?? what are you doing here situation? also maybe even a full on we dated and broke up what are you doing here situation. i haven’t settled on where isa lived after nebraska and prior to living here so this is open to everybody because isadora sosa (not her name but dfmdf) is bi as hell send tweet

a Muse (someone who isa kind of makes isa itch for a pen yk? isa could be secretly drawing them from afar while she’s bored at the hotel.)

party friend (isa likes to party a lot more than most would expect so if anyone wants to get high and host parties in the hotel room with isa or even go out dancing with her she’s down) cliff, abba

enemies (someone who hates isa that isa is just kind of ??? about because isa doesn’t understand conflict a lot of the time tbh)

someone for isa to influence i guess?? isa kind of tends to be on the morally grey side a lot of the time sO KJDJKD if anyone wants to allow isa to drag their muse into some shady situations step right up elsie

partner in crime (isa’s already got her girls but i figure this person specifically will sneak out of the hotel with isa at night and help her tag maybe? maybe this person is a fan of isa’s online graffiti personality?? idk i feel like this could be fun) malia

fwbs, neighbours, and anything else under the sun i’m hype.

#starlit:intro #i.s. | intro.#wow this took amsms a hot minute #but here she is!

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starcolle-archive · 4 years

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I feel like I've talked about this before, but the meaning of life is to understand. (aka B-Side Post)

It's such an integral part of life, and I could delve further, but even I can't teach that well at 3 in the morning. So I think I'll post this as an attempt to understand myself; so that others can understand me better.

I have my hesitations with a lot of Xtians, but there are some phenomenal ones, and they even have some good quotes from time-to-time too. This is one of my favorites that a friend once told me:

Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Anyways, as I've been dealing with a lot lately, my thoughts manifested into what became this post. Everything below this was written close to a week ago, but I never felt too comfortable sharing it. Afraid to post to my own blog. I've been feeling unsafe for a while lately. And as such I've worried about the safety of others; I guess this is a good transition point to the B-Side.

I like to think of this as a B-side kinda edit; which is funny because a while back, I even started making a "B-side" playlist to one of the other playlists I'd made for her. Anyways, this is the overly-emotional part where I get a little upset about the constant coincidences of our terrible timing (although with a bit of editing done by not-on-my-whack-ass-period-Ry; which I've since learned how to get an even better handle on "it"): the worst/most painful part, and a big reason why I even started writing this, is that I'm not able to say anywhere near this much stuff to her, let alone just to ask if she's okay/say I hope she's okay, because she re-blocked me. And with the Corona Pandemic's probable domino effects, I'm afraid I may never get the chance to say goodbye, let alone see my xbf ever again.

Which even though I feel like she completely misunderstood the situation, I respect her for doing it; it's why I haven't tried seeking contact through any other platform to see how she's holding up. I just really wish I could've helped her feel comfortable enough to unchain herself and have a full, healthy & honest dialogue with me.

Being disciplined enough to productively talk with her, because that responsibility will always fall on my side of this dynamic, really was one of the major inspirations for my career path. And so even just talking with her helps a lot more than she'll probably ever know. What sucks is that I've spent a lot of time unraveling my own issues, which has thus granted a lot of clarity during my extrospection, and I feel like she would greatly benefit from us discussing it. However, it feels like since she's already in a constant defensive mindset, which she has the right to be, it feels like she takes reactive actions based off of partial information. Not only that, but because she is on the defensive, she's overly cautious and pulls back way too much without fully understanding what's going on. We were on track to have actual healthy dialogue and get proper closure for all our past issues, but she pulled back because, I feel like, I hadn't been able to earn enough trust quick enough.

What fucks me up most is that I've never blocked her specifically just in case something happened and she needed to reach out for anything; she's now blocked me two times right before something horrible happens, leading to some of my most painful anxiety from worrying how she's coping/holding up & not knowing how she's doing. Yeah, it's selfish of me, but I spent way too many days hurting from worrying about her last year. Constantly on my mind because, among many other reasons, I know just how intensely she can feel pain. Despite the fact that she made a point by ripping me out of her heart. Somehow I'm still here, going about my life worrying about me & focusing on my future, yet there isn't a day that goes by where I don't worry, even if for just a split second, how at least one person on this list is holding up during all of this: her grandmother, her mom, her aunt, her cousins, the rest of her family that she may or may not care about, her partner(s/?), and of course Her.

Here's the post this was the B-Side to, btw. I'm still a little hesitant to post this because of it being misunderstood, but ya can't understand if ya don't try, right? https://starcolle.tumblr.com/post/613959571855261696/woke-up-to-find-my-town-has-the-most-reported

#personal #blog post #idk what to even tag this as #the oli tag isn't approrpiate because that's for things that make me think of her/inspire me to be my best self #this is an observation post #eh whatever #love is such an abstract concept #and it's archaic to view love as only one form or another #it transcends the confines of ''platonic'' or ''romantic'' or etc.

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