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phoenixyfriend · 3 years

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The Catboy Valois AU

This one is a little cursed, and inspired by this Totally Spies post.

This AU does contain some nsfw content, which I will place at the end of the post and mark for (it’s right after the dog pics). Once again, this was brainstormed on the GG server, back in October of 2019. Biggest contributor other than myself was @atagotiak.

So I decided that, at some point, I need to see one of those inexplicable and very horny modern catpeople AUs.

Where a fraction of the population just happens to have cat ears and tails etc. for... minimal reason.

Tarvek def has them. Bc twink. Sticking to the tropes, you know.

All the Valois are catpeople because most of history didn't have the option of interbreeding, just coexisting. Something something sterile hybrids because chromosomes.

Andronicus Valois, Catboy King

Lucrezia was full human and Aaronev never had a chance.

"Most of history" because recently they scienced up ways to get around it, so there are catperson/human hybrids, like Gil and Zeetha (Klaus is human, Zanta is not).

Klaus is kinda glad Gil has cat ears bc this makes people automatically assume he can’t be the dad even if they realize it’s technically possible.

This means Agatha gets her boys.

The human (Lars), the hybrid (Gil), and the cat (Tarvek).

Anevka's initial robot body doesn't have the cat features just due to the fact that Tarvek was aiming for Bare Minimum, and then when he added them in later she decided she liked being able to pick when she had them.

I am morally obligated to reblog the callout art @mercurialvoid did for me a few years ago.

We’re not gonna talk about that, though.

human Othar/catgirl Anevka

SCENT MARKING

It's considered Undignified but everyone still DOES it, just... discreetly.

Agatha thinks nothing of it when Zeetha rubs their cheeks together while training and then someone looks at her funny and asks if that's her girlfriend or something.

And Agatha Realizes that she's currently got Belongs-to-Zeetha scent on her and has to scramble to explain that Zeetha kind of adopted her as a little sister because it's the closest approximation she can come up with that still has Acceptable Connotations.

I think platonic marking is a THING but mostly within families, children, and really close female friends, like holding hands. (Toxic masculinity does apply.)

And kolee-zumil is effectively family relationship.

Agatha can't SMELL the scent markings but she gets used to them.

Also like. There's probably different levels of scent marking depending on the body part. Wrists and cheeks are different.

Jagers that used to be catboys have better senses of smell, and are the ones sent to find a Heterodyne.

Agatha and Lars make out but don't go all the way because Agatha is not ready. (Meanwhile, Zeetha can literally smell how horny these dumb kids are.)

TINY BABY GILVEK FACE NUZZLES WHILE STILL ON CW:

(Imagine how much more dangerous the baby gilvek airship-exploring shenanigans would be given one is a catboy and the other is half catboy.)

Gil just kinda scent marks on literally everything/everyone. The boy is affection-starved well into adulthood. He probably purrs too. And purring is probably considered kinda undignified.

Tarvek purrs when he’s designing clothes in his head. He’s embarrassed when he realizes. Everyone thinks it’s cute tho.

Also when crafting super-complicated diabolical plans.

Purring isn’t very diabolical. So it’s embarrassing and doesn’t fit with the aesthetic at all.

It’s hard to do an evil scheme while being an image-conscious catboy.

Gil only. Sort of knows how to cat. He's not very good at it. Zulenna helped but...

Is Von Pinn a cat? Gut says yes. Though it makes it less likely she'd be mistaken for Lu as the students did, but hey! She’d appreciate that.

She probably wouldn’t know how to cat.

Or maybe she would, given we’re assuming hereditary and she was made for Andronicus... She probably knows a bit abt how to tell other people how to cat, but she doesn’t know how to cat herself.

The Muses... not designed to look like catpeople. Ruined the minimalist bodies RVR was going for, going by canon's lack of consistent ears or noses

Agatha does not realize at first that Von-Pinn is a cat-lady because her ears match her hair and every time she sees Agatha her ears go back, and the tail is hidden under the hobble dress.

Otilia is very happy to go from catwoman body to Giant Metal Cat body

KITTY BANGLADESH DUPREE

She's got a faint pattern to her fur that's, on closer inspection, very much indicating she's a PANTHER.

Consider: Tarvek starts working himself up into a frenzied panic and the nearest Trusted Person starts petting him to calm him down and he like. Melts.

TBH tho, a good portion of canon Tarvek’s behaviour can already be described as “cat does something stupid and immediately after attempts to pretend he has dignity even though everyone saw the stupid thing.”

Once Tarvek calms down... Lazy Cat Time.

NECK PINCH

CH would be ecstatic that Agatha snagged two suitors, then swing around to devastated that they’re both catboys, and maybe delusional enough to attempt to cut the ears/tails off like that’d solve anything then come around to “well there’s always science” once it’s fixed.

All Valois have high necks on their outfits, at least at the back

So nobody tries to Deactivate The Cat

(One less thing for Anevka to worry about.)

Because, you know. Canon decided to cut Agatha in half to acquire an heir, so we can’t exactly say the Castle is all that sensible.

It does calm down once Agatha mentions she has Lars, though.

Per @lyratalus: Krosp could be... so much more dangerous in this AU. What if he was designed to be emperor of all catpeople?

Cats never do what they're told anyways, and you can’t really control people without wasps, but the attempt was made! Vapnoople was ambitious!

Long story short, there's a spark of Something but then they just bat him off the table.

Imagine Seffie making Martellus Stop by deactivating the cat

Violetta is the cutest lil catgirl...

SHE GETS REALLY BRISTLEY WHEN SHE'S MAD

HE'S NOT A TWINK AND IT'S WEIRD. Not even a twunk???

Martellus is

So fucking ODD for a catboy

Like it HAPPENS but it means that human women are more likely to find him attractive than catgirls (and even that's a bit of a long shot on the basis of personality).

(Gil excused from the catboys-are-twink-to-twunk rule on the basis of being half human, and his dad being Basically A Wall.)

That said, for Andy I’m gonna go with "buff as fuck but sooooooo charismatic that all the catgirls, and human girls, flocked to him anyway."

So that’s at least two Bara catboys in this AU

Tarvek is canonically more or less the same size/shape as Gil, but... in my heart, Tarvek’s a twunk. He’s got muscle but he's not AS big, and he's got intense Twink energy, especially since Tarvek actually is queer.

(And they're both straight so they're not even technically bara, just Buff.)

(Not twinks either but...)

(Twink is a fun word.)

Colette is human and Seffie isn't but they'd need science for babies ANYWAY so who cares? It's a lot of Seffie laying her head in Colette's lap and purring as she falls asleep because Colette just keeps petting her.

Catboy Martellus still makes sparkhound shapeshifters. He's a catperson... but he's still a Dog Person.

Martellus and his dynamic with the sparkhounds:

He loves them, they love him. But they’re embarrassing sometimes.

THIS MARKS THE BEGINNING OF THE NSFW CONTENT

ANYWAY back to the point, which is that a lot of these catperson AUs are just... really super horny.

Which is valid.

Ears are technically erogenous zones for everyone but for the cat people... it's a Lot. It's also not like. Inherently sexual? But it can be. Like spooning. It feels nice ALWAYS but with the right person it's also HORNY. Or like brushing someone else's hair.

Ear rubs and headpats that result in like, intense sensation? Good actually.

Also I’m declaring that catpeople have heats. Or at least like. Heightened mating seasons? Extra horny times.

So you have Agatha and Lars normal, Gil kinda horny and confused, and Tarvek rubbing himself against the nearest spouse in hopes that someone's going to fuck the living daylights out of him.

Valois probably take suppressing things as a matter of course bc it’s hard to stay alert to assassination attempts when overwhelmingly horny. When Tarvek deliberately forgoes them eventually, everyone is touched by how much trust it shows.

Without suppressants, the horny is either something you can cope with or something that is intense but comes in Very brief periods. Either one day a month, or a week twice a year? Something like that.

Honestly though, imagine if Gil tried to hide being a catperson for the sake of the Empire or some nonsense, and had to just suffer when in heat?

Agatha likes to watch the boys go at it because there's something about Fangs On Neck that's super pleasurable for cat people and she can't provide that for Tarvek but Gil certainly can.

Bonding marks aren't a thing but possessive biting is.

(Since birth control is so easily accessed in GG, I feel like Lu’s opinion of catboys would be a super gross objectifying thing.)

(Which. Yeah.)

(Lucrezia basically has that opinion on any man in canon that isn’t immediately useful to her for science reasons.)

#Girl Genius #Valois Family #Tarvek Sturmvoraus #Gilgamesh Wulfenbach #Gilvek #Agatha Heterodyne #human animal hybrids #GG OT3 #Lars #Anevka Sturmvoraus #Martellus von Blitzengaard #Violetta Mondarev #Xerxsephnia von Blitzengaard #Colette Voltaire #Zeetha Wulfenbach #Otilia #Andronicus Valois #Lucrezia Mongfish #Phoenix Posts

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schattenwerfenkeineschatten · 5 years

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“Transtrenders” Starters

Assorted sentence starters from ContraPoints’ “Transtrenders”. Modify at your own discretion.

Content warning for military mention, drug mention, alcohol mention, sex mention, philosophy, and catgirls.

“Which matters more, the freedom to live an authentic life or the freedom to crush degenerates under the heel of a jackboot?”

“I live in constant fear. And fear is what freedom is all about.”

“What’s your deal?”

“I don’t like society forcing me into tiny little boxes.”

“Why does it matter? Why do you have to know?”

“I’m dying inside.”

“Why should I conceal who I am just to appease small-minded people?”

“If you wanna be a glitterbeard genderfuck, then go ahead.”

“Aren’t we all freaks in the eyes of society?”

“Do you think you can purchase acceptance through conformity?”

“That is not freedom. That is simply adding another cell to the prison.”

“I am nothing like you.”

“My, I’m really getting under your skin, aren’t I?”

“You’re in a lot of pain, aren’t you?”

“I pity you, ____.”

“I can’t imagine what it must be like to have so little confidence in your own reality.”

“I want to heal the rift inside your heart, ____.”

“I would strongly prefer that you stay away from any of my rifts.”

“Why are you rejecting the love I am trying to deliver unto you?”

“Well, namaste, bitch.”

“God, I love the troops. Thinking about the troops makes me wet, it makes me come. Semper fi, boys!”

“If my existence is a statement, I think that says more about society than it says about me.”

“Your honor, in my defense, it is a glitter beard.”

“You’re just saying that you’re me and talking in a whiny voice. That is not an argument.”

“You know, the one thing you’ll always have to deal with in life is assholes.”

“It’s hard to be yourself. But it’s worth it.”

“Now, does my husband sometimes wear panties around the house and ask me to call him mommy’s little slut? Well, sure. But that is a matter between her and the Lord.”

“It’s best not to think about it too much.”

“The girl can’t help it. She’s a Libra.”

“You look great, hon.”

“____, you look like absolute shit.”

“Oh, are we serving a little depression moment? Well, don’t leave me out.”

“Really? You’re happy with the way that went? You feel good about that? You feel good about yourself right now?”

“You seem to think that you’re queen of the world because you’re hanging onto societal acceptance by two fingers instead of one.”

“You’re just an insecure, frightened little queer who’s determined to use the one ounce of power you have to tread other people down.”

“Your eyelash is coming unglued.”

“I always forget that you’re actually an asshole.”

“Why do I even hang out with you?”

“Wow, you’re developing self-consciousness. Where’d you learn that trick?”

“Are you gonna try to make me read Judith Butler again?”

“Yeah, you’re right... I’m full of shit.”

“Girl, shut up. This is too much philosophizing. I can’t stand it anymore.”

“Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on with you? Why do you look like you’ve been in a k-hole for a week?”

“There simply is no stopping gayness.”

“I love catgirls! I hate catgirls, but I also love them.”

“Oh, abominable fate.”

“The good news is, you can unclench your asshole now.”

“Run free, ____. Go top a cis woman. Bang a gay guy. Wear some over-sized flannel. Do whatever you want.”

“Bad things, ____, bad things!”

“Delusion is what separates us from the animals.”

“Who do you think built the pyramids and the cathedrals? Clearly not people with a perfectly rational worldview.”

“____, I have something to tell you.”

“Okay. Well, I’m gonna get going now. I have an important date tonight drinking vodka cranberries and reading YouTube comments by myself, so I’d really better go do that.”

“Oh, are you upset?”

“Just go.”

“I hate this bitch. But, God, she’s a yum-yum.”

“I am nothing like them.”

“I ended capitalism and everything I tweet is woke.”

“But most importantly, I love myself. I love myself so much it makes me wet, it makes me come.”

“Praise be onto me, hallelujah.”

#mine #🎟 prompts & starters (buy the ticket take the ride)

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