#and she wound up having whole-ass fuckin' gay sex.

[eddiezpaghetti]

It has come to my attention that SOME OF YOU who read my last Byler post remain UNCONVINCED. So I'm gonna tack onto it this:

I'm older than fucking God and air, and I've been out and proud since 2007. Yes, I know what homophobia is, and yes, I know what queerbaiting is. I know about Supernatural and Teen Wolf and Sherlock and blahdyblahdyblah. No new ground is being covered here. I thought I made that clear in the original post, but, clearly, I did not.

I am aware of queerbaiting and homophobia, and I'm still wholeheartedly certain in Byler being canon anyway.

Okay, so there are three types of relationship I want to discuss when it comes to queerbaiting. They're all, like, "queer relationships that could have happened, but didn't".

First off, queer-coding. This isn't really a thing so much anymore, but it still crops up every once in a while. I'd argue it probably happens most with male-male relationships in family shows these days. First example that comes to mind is Mr. Smiley and Mr. Frowny from Steven Universe. You can't make a relationship canon because some shitty overhead bastard overhead said no, so you get as close as you can without compromising the show. Can't make someone gay? Well, now their comedy routine is a blatant allegory for a romantic relationship. Boom-shaka-laka. This is something I don't see being a problem with regards to Stranger Things, but I want it to be there as contrast, a demonstration of one of many things queerbaiting is not. However, one could argue that, thus far, Will Byers is, canonically, queer-coded. It's pretty fucking heavily implied in the show, and the creators have confirmed it, and you're gonna be able to see it if you're not FUCKING BLIND, but word of god is not technically canon which means that interviews don't technically make something canon, blahdyblahdyblahdyblah, technicalities, Robin has been explicitly stated in the text to be queer while Will has, thus far, not, outside of good ol' Show-Don't-Tell. Of course, anyone with two brain cells to rub together can tell that that's going to change by the end of Season 5, but, hey, for what it's worth, I'm throwing this out there.

Alrighty, Thingamajingama Number Two: "Oops, I accidentally made the greatest love story known to man." AKA, a genuine, honest-to-goodness mistake. Unfortunately, we do live in a heteronormative society. Sometimes people who don't think about being gay much write a friendship that's incredibly compelling and don't even consider the possibility that it could have been read as romantic. Something something Top Gun something. This is, again, not queerbaiting. This is Steddie, this is Ronance, this is Elmax, this is your favorite flavor of non-canon ship this week, this is not Byler. The creators know DAMN well what they're doing. They've talked about it. We know this. Nothing new here.

Which brings us to the topic of discussion here. Actual queerbaiting. This usually starts out as an "accidental greatest love story", and then reacts to fan response. And when I say "reacts", I mean like a goddamn chemical reaction. Like bleach and ammonia, bitch. It's noxious and it's gonna kick your fucking ass without mercy. This is when a creator is like, "Hey, let's get our queer audience invested, but we're not actually going to give them what they want because our straight audience isn't here for that/we personally think it's gross/we don't give enough of a shit to want to research a goddamn thing to write a real gay character," blah blah blah whatever excuse they want to come up with this time.

And when you think "queerbaiting", I want you to think "bullying". Because that's what it is. It's lucrative bullying, like beating us up and taking our lunch money, but it's bullying all the same. And it's a real goddamn thing, even if people misuse the word a lot, often when they mean one of the two above, sometimes when they mean "bury your gays", which is another homophobic thing entirely that I'm not going to get into here. Queerbaiting is the thing we're focused on, and it's real, and it's bullying. And here's the reason I want you to think of it as bullying:

They

Think

It's

Funny.

They are actively making fun of us.

That's why Dean had the "Cas, get out of my ass," line in Supernatural. It's why the "Do you like boys?" line happened in Teen Wolf. It's why "Lie with me, Watson," happened in the RDJ Sherlock Holmes movies. Because "It's just a joke, mate." "It was just a prank, bro." "You didn't really think it would happen, did you?" "You should see your face."

So here's probably the biggest reason I don't think it's specifically queerbaiting in this specific instance of Will Byers and Mike Wheeler.

Stranger Things has never, not once, made a gay joke. Ever.

Every single time queerness comes up, it's dead serious.

Lonnie calls Will a fag, and the show is not at all reluctant to show what a goddamn horrible person he is. And when Hopper latches onto that, it's not as "Hahah, is he gay, though?" It's because he's trying to determine a potential motive for Will's disappearance, and even if someone had interpreted it as a joke, Joyce immediately has a line that functions as snapping her fingers in front of the audience's face and yelling "FOCUS" when she says "He's MISSING." Basically outright saying "This isn't funny!"

Troy calls him a fairy, along with targeting Lucas and Dustin for their skin color and disability respectively, and Mike gets damn near murderous. Troy is portrayed as a goddamn monster and the show portrays it as justice when El makes him piss his pants and later breaks his arm.

Steve calls Jonathan "queer" as a slur and gets the shit beat out of him for it.

Billy's father is revealed to be homophobic and abusive in the same breath.

Mike says "It's not my fault you don't like girls!" and we're shown how devastated Will is and Mike immediately follows him to beg for forgiveness.

There is a joke in Robin's coming-out scene, but it's not at Robin's expense. It's at Steve's. Specifically for being heteronormative.

Jonathan has multiple scenes where he's trying so hard to tell Will that he's always going to love him as he is, whether he's gay or not, without pressuring him to come out before he's ready.

Even when there's a little bit of ribbing at Robin's expense, it's always because she's an awkward nerd who's nervous around pretty girls, just the same as Lucas and Dustin are teased when they both first develop crushes on Max, and even then, even then, it always comes as a package deal where they make fun of Steve's girl problems at the same time.

Stranger Things is an emphatically pro-gay show. It may not be the core point of the show the way it is in, say, Our Flag Means Death, but there is nothing less than respect for its queer characters. Its queer characters are always taken completely seriously. No one is making fun of us. They never have. That's why I have serious doubts that this is queerbaiting. It would come completely out of left field for the bullying to start in Stranger Things' final season.

So it's not at all likely to be queerbaiting because queerness is taken completely seriously. The creators have talked about Will's queerness, at least, so it's not an accident. And queer-coding would be silly to expect from this show when it's already on its final season. Like, what is Netflix gonna do? Cancel it? Not to mention all the explicit queerness that's in there already. And no one's gonna "What about the children?" a show that's had sex scenes in it since the first season.

There's no fakeout here. It's gonna happen. Breathe.

#byler #Part 2 I fucking guess. #Wasn't planning on making a Part 2 but here we are. #I seriously just want you guys to feel safe. #I'm not naive. I do not say any of this shit lightly. #But I've been around the block long enough to know what queerbaiting looks like and this ain't it. Promise. #Will's already been confirmed as in love with Mike for fuck's sake. You don't think the other half of the equation's gonna follow through? #There has only ever been one other situation where I've gone 'Okay this is going in gay places' with no doubt whatsoever without being told #And that was with Daja in Tamora Pierce's 'Will of the Empress' when I read it at like sixteen or whatever #and she wound up having whole-ass fuckin' gay sex. #I was right then and I'm right now. I swear.

[thy-lover]

Never Fall in Love Again - M. Bell, D. Van Der Linde

Do Not Interact/Read unless over 18+

WARNINGS - GAY FIC/Sex, One-Sided Pining, Angsty, Smut(the unromantic kind), Public Sex, Cheating, Dom!Micah/Sub!Dutch, Hair Pomade as Lube but what the hell, i dare you to find me some K Y Jelly in the 18 fucking '00s plus I'm as creative as the color gray(fuckit,hairpomadefortheclutch)

SUMMARY - Why was Dutch so blinded by Micah that he would betray his only son? Arthur Morgan breaks up with Micah Bell. And during an escort job, Dutch Van Der Linde attempts to pick up what his "son" left behind.

(gif by @woman-with-no-name)

The glances Dutch sent Micah have not gone unnoticed by Micah, but the job had to be done, and that meant there was no fuckin around.

A man sat between Micah and Dutch in the carriage, with his hands tied and his feet bound. They were to drop this man off at the sheriff's office for a bounty, they just had to collect the money and go back to Shady Belle. And for some odd reason Dutch told Micah he wanted to come, no insisted and Micah who valued his precious alone time had to give it up and agreed.

After they dropped the wanted man off, Micah and Dutch rode in peaceful silence, that is until Micah saw Dutch look at him once again and without hesitation, Micah's annoyance took over "Speak. Dutch. Gettin' tired of them side glances."

Dutch cleared his throat at the unexpected call out "Wonderin' why Arthur left you is all...?" it spoke out more like a question than an explanation.

Micah cringed internally his hands gripped the reigns tightly, the wound slightly re-opening.

"I hate you!" Arthur shouted stomping his boot down onto the sand.

Micah snickered "Oh, please, you hate me now, cowpoke? Never said nothin' like that when you was fuckin me."

Arthur turned around sharply "You cheated on me!!! Yous lucky I don't shoot you where you stand."

"thought I told you, that was an accident ain't mean nothing to me."

Arthur scoffed "Go to hell, Micah."

In Micah's head he did nothing wrong fuckin that lady was sure as shit unexpected but hell he was drunk. Too drunk to tell a pussy from a cock. Well, that ain't the whole truth. He was drunk, but he couldn't verbally deny the working girl who grabbed him by the coat and drag him to a room. It felt good, Micah couldn't deny that so he kinda just went along with it. In his drunken state all he knew was fucking her stimulated the feeling of making love to Arthur.

But it wasn't until Arthur walked in did Micah look at the woman who was very much not Arthur and look at the very real Arthur standing at the door his hands ready to grab his guns.

"Ah, Arthur," Micah pulled his cock out of the woman and stumbled over to the door "Won't ya join us? She feels mighty good, I thought she was ya for a second." Micah went to Arthur attempting to through himself at him. Micah's face was greeted with an oak door busting Micah's nose and making Micah fall on his ass "Fuck!"

The woman got up from the bed and put her johns back on and fixed the bottom half of her dress, she walked over to Micah and held out her hand "That'll be five dollars sug."

Micah just huffed and used his free time to find a cigarette and lit it "Cheated on 'im." no point in lying Dutch probably already knows.

"Why'd ya do that?" Dutch asked.

"Hell am I supposed to know!!!" Micah immediately regretted the way that came out and took another puff of the cigarette "Ugh, Dunno, I was drunk, didn't, didn't know what I was doing."

Dutch reached over to Micah and pulled the cigarette right out his mouth and put it in his own "Then I guess that means me and you have more in common than id like to think."

Micah knew what he was talking about it wasn't exactly a secret. Dutch was known for sleeping around with 'business partners' behind the back of whatever woman he was married to at the time. His explanation being he does this 'for the sake of the gang' his reputation exceeded him.

Micah shrugged "I guess, you fuck a woman behind your boyfriend's back?"

Dutch snorted out in a tiny fit of amusement "Can't say I have but I have cheated on a wife with a man."

Micah doubled over accidentally tugging the reigns making the horses shift drastically "Shit Micah!" Dutch grabbed the wooden bench and only let go once Micah got the horses back on the road "The fuck do ya mean, with a man?"

Dutch shrugged "For the sake of the gang right?"

Micah scratched his neck "Didn't make ya out to be the type to like men."

As silence overtook the air allowing two men to gather their bearings. But Dutch was the one to ward off the silence "Arthur ever blow ya?" Dutch asked putting out the cigarette.

"W-what?" Micah asked flabbergasted.

Dutch stared into Micah's eyes with a stern look "Asked if Arthur ever blow you?"

Micah recovered quickly still feeling cocky over the fact that he bagged Arthur fucking Morgan, he was ready to brag about it anytime any place "Of course he blew me. Put my cock down his throat like a pro." Micah made it sound like he wasn't begging for it.

Dutch reached over and grabbed Micah's thigh feeling along the inner seam till he could feel the tip of Micah's cock through his jeans "Would you allow me to try to best him?"

Given Micah's drive and lack of sexual control, his nerves were spiking but Micah played it off well with a cold look sent Dutch's way "Fuck would you want to do that for?"

"if you don't want me to then by all means say no." Micah looked at Dutch with the most confused look in the world.

Micah scoffed he was probably just trying to gauge a reaction "Be my Guest." Micah joked.

Unfortunately, well at least to Micah, Dutch reached over and began unbuckling Micah's belt "Hey! What the hell're you doin'?!"

Dutch looked up at him and smirked continuing onto his zipper "Something wrong?"

Micah decided to stay silent and allow Dutch to effectively get his cock out when someone in another coach looked over to them, Micah immediately pulled out his revolver and aimed it at the bewildered man. Micah was lucky he still had his mask on, "Fuck outta here, for I take your head off."

The man on the other coach whipped his horses to move faster. When Dutch undressed him enough for Micah's cock to spring out, he started with a tight fist around the base. Micah growled at him and looked up to see a few cardinals and crows fly by, he didn't want to look down, didn't want to see anyone but Arthur give him a blow job.

Dutch soon licked around the tip of Micah's dick, Dutch in a moment of clear-headedness realized he was sucking off Micah Fucking Bell, when Dutch looked up to see a grateful Micah he was greeted by Micah trying to look anywhere but at him.

"Micah! Your supposed to-"

Micah finally looked down a type of darkness coating his eyes "Quit talkin' just keep goin',"

Micah's hand traveled from the base of Dutch's neck before weaving it in Dutch's long black hair "Said keep going Dutch." Dutch slowly began to take Micah's head back in his mouth at first, allowing Micah to get used to the feeling, from his mouth Dutch began to take him further, and the process was sped up when Dutch allowed Micah to fuck his mouth and hold down his head "Arthur!" the way Arthurs name came out of Micah's mouth was so hot, so natural like he should moan no one's name but Arthurs. Micah can't help but remember the high he got when Arthur gave him a blowjob.

Micah was more than happy at the fact that he wore his leather shotgun coat. The tree he was leaning against had gnarly bark and Arthur wasn't stopping. When was the last time he felt so good? His mouth made Micah shake and grab. When was the last time he felt so good about himself, just the mere sight of Arthur down on his knees, with his cute little pink tongue sticking out to collect whatever was left in the wake of his undoing?

"Told ya it wasn't so bad," Arthur said casually swallowing Micah's cum. A wave of adoration hit Micah like he just saw Arthur again for the first time, just fallen in love all over again.

"Shit, Arthur," Micah took a big breath "Say we ought to take this to your tent?"

Dutch growled, pulling Micah out if his state. When Micah looked down to confront Dutch the image of Arthur replaced Dutch. Micah grabbed 'Arthur' by the hair and began to fuck his mouth "Keep goin' Arthur."

Dutch couldn't tell how long he was sucking Micah off, it wasn't until Dutch was let up for air did he speak, Dutch was frustrated, frustrated Micah hasn't fucking cum yet. His jaw was fucking hurting and his throat felt numb "Micah! Cum or something!"

Micah stopped in his tracks the image of Arthur faded away, the weight of the world falling back on Micah's shoulders, the weight of a world without his little cowpoke.

Micah grabbed the reigns and tugged the reigns and the horses sharply went right and planted themselves to the side of the road. Micah leaned forward and began to rip the buttons off Dutch's vest "Micah!" Dutch scowled at the action of his expensive vest being destroyed

Micah didn't bother to care only fanned his hands around Dutch's abdomen, Micah's mouth trailed down to Dutch's nipple, and began to bite the surrounding strong flesh. Dutch's back arched to allow Micah more access to his chest. Micah pulled away and grabbed Dutch's neck "Get out."

Dutch was confused at first but when Micah gave Arth-Dutch a look that meant unfinished business Dutch scrambled out of the Chuckwagon. Micah followed behind him and when they were in the clear Micah pushed Dutch against the side of the chuckwagon.

This was unusual behavior for Micah when it came to him and Arthur who topped was always a 50/50 Micah would sometimes top, and Arthur would sometimes top. Micah thoroughly enjoyed being a bottom, but so did Arthur. They both need to be weak for each other they both need to feel protected and bottoming was something Micah only felt safe with if it was Arthur. While Micah's heart hardened he made up his mind to allow the urge to dominate Dutch to take control.

Micah began to unbuckle Dutch's belt and pushed his pants down past his knee. Dutch got the gist and stepped out of his pants. Micah spits in his hand and began stroking Dutch's cock. Micah didn't unclothe he just used his other hand to unbuckle his belt and push his pants far enough down so that he can free his cock.

"Turn around." Micah ordered Dutch.

Dutch turned around bending ever slightly with his palms pressed flat against the wagon. Micah pushed his hands up to feel the small of Dutch's back. But slowly lowered them so Micah could cup Dutch's ass "Gotta lube ya up Dutch. How'd I do it? Less you want me to just-"

Dutch rolled his eyes not that Micah could see it "Got hair pomade, check the drawer." Dutch pointed to the side of the chuck wagon. Micah did just that and managed to find the tin. With haste, Micah put the Pomade on two of his fingers he reached down and applied it to Dutch's tight hole.

Micah fingered him, slowly at first but the moment Dutch began to moan "Micah's little slut are you?" Micah growled.

Dutch couldn't help but bite his lip and close his eyes. Dutch wouldn't lie, this has happened to him before hell he's even done it to himself. Finger himself while jacking off often brought pleasure to himself as Dutch has never known. But since Micah joined the gang. Well technically since Micah saved his life, Micah was on Dutch's mind 24/7. How many times has he silently apologized to Molly because of an accidental name-drop. In all fairness, her and Micah's name did start with an M.

But this was real, not some fever dream. Here he was using Micah and his 'sons' relationship issues to his advantage.

Dutch began to moan again "Been thinking about this long boss?" Micah said teasingly. Dutch's willingness was odd and his moaning confused Micah.

Dutch slowly nodded, Micah laughed, but his laugh was cut short when he heard horseshoes tapping the road and getting louder. Micah's eyes met a young traveler who started at Dutch and Micah with shock, Micah quickly grabbed his gun and shot at the floor near the horse's hooves "Get the hell outta here!"

The man rode away fast.

Micah turned back to Dutch and chuckled "Sick of waiting now Dutch."

Micah forcefully turned Dutch around and press his back up against the wagon. Micah raised Dutch's legs so they rested around his hips and Micah held Dutch up by the thigh.

Micah used the remained of pomade to coat his cock with, "line me up Dutch, gotta hold you."

Dutch reached between his thighs to grab Micah's dick and line it up with his ass "ah, 'kay."

Micah immediately thrust forward his dick finally entering Dutch. Dutch on the other hand had other ideas. Dutch raised his hand and punched Micah right on the jaw not hard enough so Micah would drop him, but hard enough to get his point through. Micah snarled immediately at Dutch "Fuck you do that for?!"

Dutch growled back "What do you want to skewer me?! Take it slow you bastard! Fuckin' hurt!"

Micahs eye twitches 'Arthur was a whole lot less of a fuss' he couldn't help but think.

Micah just sighed and stayed in him knowing it was probably gonna hurt if he pulled out. However, Micah could feel himself getting tired of holding Dutch so before his arms gave out Micah rushed Dutch to the back of the wagon kicked the tailgate so it fell open, and instructed Dutch to try and lay down all with his cock still in him "For fucks sake Micah."

Micah just huffed and allowed Dutch to comfortably get into a missionary position "What? Can't hold onto ya forever!"

Dutch just threw his head back and tried to ease the discomfort of Micah's hard dick causing pulsing pain, Micah just tilted his head to the side. From this position, he could be mistaken for Arthur. Micah reached down to Dutch stomach with one battered and calloused hand.

Micah couldn't help but press down on the flat yet strong area that was Dutch's stomach right above his hip "What are you doin'?" Dutch asked.

Micah just looked back up at him "Fucked Arthur in this position. Last time I did it he came so hard all over his stomach."

Dutch crossed his arms "Yeah well let's not worry about Ar-"

"Nah, you don't get it. I fucked Arthur. And I watched his cum coat his belly," Micah began to raise Dutch's legs higher "Heard there was a spot in women. Makes 'em whine and beg. Think I might have hit the male version of that spot when I fucked Arthur," Micah lowered his hand so he could grab Dutch's manhood and stroke his slick member, Micah began to tighten his fist around Dutch, his wrist moving up and down. Micah repositioned his hand. So that when his fist reached near the top, Micah could raise his thumb to stroke the tip of Dutch's dick "Heard it was called a...a... prostate? I think."

Dutch reached out and grabbed Micah's black coat by the collar, the more Micah stroked Dutch the more his mind began to wander away from the pain. Micah took this as his opportunity to move slowly. Not thrusting very hard just a slow but steady easing motion never letting go of Dutch.

Suddenly Dutch gave him the okay to move faster, Faster Micah did go. Stroking Dutch faster and pounding into Dutch faster "Micah!" Dutch squealed out.

Micah stared at Dutch's face, watching as it changed watching as the illusion came back. He was no longer looking at Dutch's face he was seeing Arthur move and moan.

"Micah!" With one final shout, Dutch felt Micah hit his prostate and continue doing so. When Dutch found the strength to open his eyes he watched Micah stare deeply into his eyes not saying a word nothing but heavy breaths and sharp inhales.

'could this be it? Could Micah finally love me more than Arthur?'

O B S S I O N

Micah began to lose it he felt himself jump off the bridge of ecstasy "I gotta cum, Arthur," Dutch had come on his stomach, but there was something that pulled Dutch out of ecstasy.

H A T R E D

"ARTHUR!" Micah howled as he let himself go completely. And as Micah came he draped himself over 'Arthur'. Pants of exhaustion Micah "Arthur-" Micah said in the crook of 'Arthurs' Neck.

"Arthur I am so-" when Micah pulled himself up to gaze at 'Arthurs' face swift reality him.

Dutch looked up at Micah with Rage mixed with a little hurt. Micah stopped himself and pulled away completely, he did it again. He did what Arthur left him to form Arthur may have dumped Micah flat on his ass but Micah still wanted him. Micah was willing to change.

A N G E R

Micah growled and took his cock out of Dutch and stuffed it back in his pants. Micah pulled his gun out of his holster and stuck it right under Dutch's chin. Dutch looked at Micah with anger and jealousy "Tell anyone, Arthur especially about this. And I will kill you."

Micah tucked his gun back in his holster and whistled for Baylock who was peacefully grazing.

________

The motives behind the betrayal of Dutch Van Der Linde and Arthur Morgan is unknown. What caused a father figure to turn the gun on his own son is a question that grew in the west and die in the Old America.

#micah bell #micah bell x dutch van der linde #dutch van der linde #red dead redemption 2 #gay fanfiction #gay love #rdr2 fandom

[writethelifeyouwant]

Dive Bar, Ch 3/?

Pairing: Dean x OFC (Dany) x Sam (brief), Dean x Sam (eventually) 

Rating: 18+

Prompt/Summary: @spnkinkbingo square - Gay Panic (eventually, I don’t know how to write short things, so the gay panic comes later). Dany and Dean hit it off at a bar and Dean is confident it’s a sure thing. But Dean doesn’t know that Dany’s has a dare to complete, and he definitely didn’t imagine his night would end with his pull inviting his little brother to come home with them too. 

WC: 2690

Warnings: slight d/s tones, oral sex (m receiving), incest, p in v, orgasms, threesome, emotional constipation 

Chapter 2

*** Dean’s eyes were wide and glassy, flicking from Dany to Sam, Dany’s slick still shining on his chin. 

“I don’t think he’s touched anyone else’s cock before,” Sam smirked. “Maybe I need to show him how it’s done.” He was still lazily stroking himself, a lusty smile spread over his lips. 

Dean didn’t think he should feel any better about that prospect than Dany’s request but he also knew if he thought too hard about it he would stop, he would back out, and he wasn’t about to stand down. Goddamnit, Sam wasn’t gonna scare Dean off now. If he did he’d never let Dean hear the end of it.

Screw it. Dean didn’t exactly say ‘sure, go for it’ but Sam correctly took his silence to be the green light.

Dean crawled up the length of the bed and pulled Dany down to kiss him. She could taste herself on his tongue, thick and cloying. Dean tried to devour her, kneading her breasts and losing his fingers in her hair, desperately trying to distract himself from what he knew was coming. He grunted when he felt fingers dance over the head of his cock and drag down its length. Nervous about what he would see, he looked down, relieved when he saw the clearly female hands rather than Sam’s. Sam’s hands that have apparently done this before, touched another dude’s junk before. Hang on.

“Wait, Sam,” Dean panted. Trying to collect the thoughts he’d had just a moment ago was harder once Dany started jerking him off. 

“Yes Dean?” Sam had been expecting the protest, the hesitation, and he sat by their feet, gently stroking up and down Dany’ legs. 

“You’re gonna ‘show me how it’s done’?” The air quotes were heavily implied in his voice. “When the hell have you touched someone else’s dick?” Dean was agitated, almost indignant. Sam knew he’d be nervous about it but this felt like more than that for some reason, not that Sam could fathom what that reason was. 

“I told you,” Sam shrugged, “I’ve done this before.” He nudged his way between the tangle of legs on the bed and clasped a hand on Dean’s hip. Somewhere deep inside he questioned whether that was to steady Dean, or himself. “So just, let me do this, okay?” And without any more preamble Sam was sinking his mouth over Dean’s cock, chasing Dany’s fingers down his shaft, and not stopping until his nose was pressed against the skin of his brother’s waist. 

“Shit!” Dean nearly choked on how good it felt. He had to fight to keep his hips from fucking further down Sam’s throat, scared he’d hurt him somehow. He’d never had anyone able to take him that deep. 

Dany was kissing down Dean’s neck and chest, leaving small bites in her wake, but all the while keeping her eyes locked on Sam bobbing up and down on his brother’s cock. Christ, she didn’t think she’d seen anything that hot in her life before. Every time Sam pulled back, his lips dragged across Dean’s skin and she could see his tongue twisting around the shaft the whole way, leaving trails of spit to drip back down into the curls his nose had just been pressed against. And all the while, Sam was moaning, humming every time he got Dean back down his throat. Dany didn’t have a dick but she would have bet a whole lot of money that that felt incredible.  

“Fuck,” Dean whined, high in his throat and breathless. 

“Hey Dean,” Dany whispered against his ear. “I think Sam was being serious when he said he knew what he was doing.” 

“Yeah, no sh- shiiit.” Dean’s scoff was bitten off in a moan when Sam pulled back and sucked sloppily on his tip. “What the fuck did they teach you at that college?” 

Sam pulled off with a laugh and shook the hair out of his eyes, but he didn’t let go of Dean, still pumping his hand firmly up and down. 

“I didn’t just learn out of books at Stanford.” Flicking his gaze to Dany for a moment, Sam drew her attention away from her assault of Dean’s neck. “Condoms?” 

“Yeah,” Dany panted and spun to grab them out of her bedside drawer. “How many-” 

“Two,” Sam grunted and reached for them. Dropping one aside for the moment, he tore into the other packet and rolled it quickly down Dean’s length. “C’mere sweetheart,” Sam grabbed Dany’s hand and pulled her up into an earnest kiss, taking his time to twist his tongue into her mouth and kiss until he’d taken her breath away. When he pulled back she just stayed there, eyes closed and swaying a little. 

“Get on,” he smirked, nodding at Dean’s cock, still standing tall and hard in his hand.

Dany climbed over Dean’s lap happily, still facing Sam. Dean grabbed at her ass and pushed her apart so he could watch his cock disappear between her legs, groaning as her hot, tight, pulsing cunt sucked him in greedily. 

“God you look good like that,” Sam grinned, brushing her hair out of her face. Dany whimpered at the compliment, shifting minutely back and forth, trying to adjust to Dean inside of her. Sam noticed and smiled. “He’s big isn’t he?”  

“Mm-hm,” Dany sighed. “How did you fit him in your mouth? Jesus.” 

“How’s she feel Dean?” 

“Awesome,” he grunted, grinding his hips up a little harder, trying to get into a rhythm of fucking up inside her. “Fuckin’ tight.” Dany squeezed around him, dragging another expletive from his lips. 

“Stop teasing ‘im now, come on,” Sam laughed, smacking her on the ass.  

“But it’s so fun to tease him,” Dany pouted and ground down in a slow circle. Dean couldn’t even make a coherent word this time. 

“Yeah but we both know how desperate you are for more.” Sam reached forward and wound his fingers in the hair at the base of her skull, pulling himself up to his full height on his knees so she had to look up to his face. “You’re so desperate for cock you wanted two of us here,” he sneered. “Dean here is just your warm up. Show me what I have to look forward to.” 

Dean groaned again when Dany clenched around him instinctively at Sam’s words. She quit teasing and did as Sam said, starting to move in earnest now. With each bounce up and down she picked up her pace, gasping when she tipped back just enough to get Dean to fuck right against her g-spot with each pass. 

Sam stroked himself as he watched Dany take her pleasure, using Dean as a means to an end. And Dean was more than happy with his role if the look on his face was any indication. His eyes were scrunched, his mouth open and panting, head tipped back with the strain of focusing all his energy into his hips. He’d planted his heels in the mattress for extra leverage so he could pound into Dany as urgently as she was fucking back on to him. Her fingers groped behind her, looking for purchase on something but slipping off the sweat beading on Dean’s chest. 

Dean circled his arms around her waist and pulled them back up the bed, miraculously keeping his dick inside her as he did, and ended sitting up behind her, chest to back, so she could drop her head onto his shoulder while he took control, setting a punishing pace. His hands moved to her breasts, pinching at the nipples until they stood hard and pink and made Sam’s mouth water. Sam watched Dean bury his face in the crook of her neck but he didn’t have the energy to kiss it. His mouth just hung open, teeth scraping over the damp skin every time Dany lurched upwards. 

In this new position Dean felt even deeper and Dany was so close to falling over her edge a second time. She reached between her legs to rub at herself, not caring enough to put on a show for Sam, who she knew was still jerking himself off as he watched them, just wanting to feel that release as quickly as possible. As her whines crept higher and higher in her throat Dean’s eyes flickered open and he noticed her hand between her legs. With renewed vigour, he pushed himself deeper and deeper inside her, chasing his own high. 

He didn’t know what made him do it. There were so many moans and whimpers saturating the air around them he couldn’t really have been able to tell that one was Sammy’s but he thought he heard it, and he opened his eyes to look up to his little brother, still sitting on the end of the bed watching them, and when their eyes met, Dean broke. 

His eyelids crashed down again as his hips stuttered and bucked erratically into Dany, who had hit her own edge moments before. Dean’s breath caught in his chest as he came down still rocking up into Dany’s warmth reflexively, letting the last pulses of pleasure squeeze out of him into the condom. 

Sam didn’t give them much time to relish in their moment, nearly on the verge of cumming himself after watching their little performance. He quickly ripped into the second condom packet and rolled it on. Then he reached out for Dean’s legs and pulled the recovering pair back down the bed, so Dean was lying flat again. 

Dany pulled off of Dean with a groan and leant forward to kiss Sam. He indulged her for a moment before he manhandled her off Dean’s lap to flip her around and reposition her, this time hovering over Dean on all fours. He straddled Dean’s thighs and leant down to lap at the slick pooling on the lips of Dany’s pussy, and flicking his tongue further down over her clit, which drew an agonised gasp from above him. Dany braced her forehead against Dean’s chest when she felt the tip of Sam’s cock nudge against her, pushing gently into the silken heat his tongue had just been probing. Sam had been right before; Dean was just a warm up. 

As soon as he’d bottomed out Sam broke into a brutal pace, his position allowing him to fuck into Dany harder and quicker than Dean had been able to from beneath her. He was rewarded with Dany’s keening and small, mewling whimpers that filled the heavy air around them. 

Sam folded himself over her back and laced his fingers through hers on the bed. Each thrust pitched Dany harder and harder against Dean, who was still beneath the pair, holding Dany’s head against his heaving chest, stroking her hair softly.

It didn’t take Sam long to build up to his own orgasm and when he was close, he pulled his head up and locked eyes with his brother over Dany’s shoulder. 

“Touch her Dean,” he grunted, pushing faster and faster to reach his peak. Dean complied without hesitation, fumbling between Dany’s legs until her whine told him he’d found her clit, and seconds later it was over, Sam’s eyes finally leaving Dean’s when he came, slamming shut as he choked out a groan and went rigid inside Dany’s body. Dany was twitching between Sam and Dean, breath leaving her in shudders that rocked her whole body. Dean kept petting her hair, waiting for her breathing to even out. Eventually Sam relaxed and slumped down over the pair, struggling to regulate his own breathing. For a moment, the silence was comfortable and soothing, but that quickly became too much for Dean.

“Dude, not to kill the moment, but get your behemoth body off’a me.”

*

In the end, Sam was glad Dean had insisted on driving the Impala over to Dany’s; it saved them the walk back to the bar at the ass-crack of dawn. 

After the three of them had untangled on the bed, they’d gone through the standard motions in a state of semi consciousness. Tying off condoms, grabbing glasses of water, hunting for lost underwear and t-shirts. Dany convinced them to stick around for the night. The bed was a bit small for three people, especially when two of them were the size the Winchesters were, but it did the job for a few hours.

Sam jerked awake in the grey light of an autumn predawn when Dean’s arm accidentally whacked him in the face. He retaliated in kind, flicking Dean perfunctorily on the forehead to wake him from his snuffling sleep. Two bathroom breaks and a hurriedly scribbled note later, the brothers were staggering across the blacktop and settling onto the black leather bench they called home. 

At first the silence was easily explained away by lack of sleep and the early hour. Their post-case exit strategy was routine enough that the stop-off at the motel to retrieve their bags and extract a cup of coffee from the vending machine in the lobby was all handled non-verbally, without complaint or complication. 

And for a while, they just drove. The grey light of the morning had turned into a grey day, the clouds hanging low over their heads and their mists creeping out across the countless fields that lined the highway. But the further away from that small college town they drove, the heavier the silence hung around them. By lunch time it became apparent that Dean hadn’t been driving anywhere in particular and while he breezed through a Gas-n-Sip to scrounge up some food, Sam scoured the newspapers he’d managed to find out front. 

Dean’s first attempt at speech caught in his throat, and he had to hide it behind a cough before he tried again. “Anything interesting?” He nodded at the paper Sam had spread across his lap, tossing him a bottled smoothie. What a girl. 

“Uh,” Sam glanced at Dean, who was resolutely picking through a packet of jerky, then cleared his throat. “No, um, nothing that looks like our sort of thing.”  

“Awesome,” Dean grunted and cranked the ignition. 

Sam chanced another look at his brother as they drove down the main street of whatever sleepy town they’d stopped off in. Dean was staring out at the road in front of them, seemingly concentrating on driving, but Sam could tell his eyes weren’t actually taking in anything in front of them. Whatever he was seeing it was only in his head, and he didn’t seem inclined to share with the class. 

“Do we need t-”

“Nope.”

“Were you gonna let me actually finish my sentence?” Sam griped. 

“We don’t need to talk about it, Sam, there’s nothing to talk about.” 

“Oh, really? That why you’ve been all ‘Silence of the Lambs’ since we left this morning?”

“Oh and what, you’ve been Mr. Chatty Cathy?”

“I’m just saying-”

“There’s nothing to say, Sam. So we banged the same chick last night, so what? She was hot, it was fun, end of story. I don’t need a damn debrief.” 

“Come on, Dean, that is not all that happened last night. You really expect me to believe nothing’s up with you?”

“You play 20 questions with all your one night stands or am I just lucky?” Dean sneered, glancing to his right for the first time since Sam had started talking and immediately regretting his decision. Looking at Sam only magnified the chaos he’d been slowly descending into since last night. 

“Newsflash, Dean, what we did last night wasn’t exactly your typical Saturday night.” 

“Sorry, didn’t realise you need a psych eval every time you get laid.”

“I’m not the one refusing to talk about my feelings here Dean!”

“I said drop it, Sam.”

Sam rolled his eyes and slumped back in his seat, hands buried in the pockets of his hoodie. Dean let him close himself off, relieved that at least for now, he would be left alone with his thoughts. He reached forward to turn up the radio in an attempt to drown them out, but it still wasn’t quite loud enough to cover Sam’s soft exhalation of ‘jerk’. 

***

Tags: @hawkerz12 @negans-lucille-tblr @babybrotherandthedemon @dylansbabygirl24 @mineshinamary @popsensationnicole23 @spn-problems @donthateme454 @doyouknowsamw @peridottea91 @delightfulbakeryaliendeputy @fictionallemons @petitgateau911 @natastic @marvelfansworld @delightfullykrispypeach @akshi8278 @crashlyrose @miufel @lyarr24 @itsthedoctah10 @kiss-my-peachy-arse @leftlokiofpuppy @tftumblin @devilsbby @alice101macwil @caitlinvd @j-ai-adore-dean​ @disneysloot @half-closeted-bi-girl @deandreamernp​

#spn #dive bar #dean x ofc x sam #dean x sam #early season wincest #wincest

[gay-salt-amber]

River x Tess headcanons

-You know the phrase 'Opposites attract?'

-That's them

Tess is proper and so sweet and intelligent, River on the other hand is nothing like that, she's loud and never thinks before she acts... and stupid

This can be seen a lot in their relationship

Example, whenever they go to gatherings, River throws on a hoodie while Tess wears something you could nearly mistake for a ballgown

But River loves it, Tess is the prettiest woman she's ever seen

They have a lot of pet names for each other

Tess calls River, Bayou which is a Native American term meaning small stream

River uses every single pet name in existence, baby, dear, etc.

She also uses other words for death since Tess's first name is a word for death

River is the only one who has seen Tess without her eyes in for a long period of time

Once, they ran into Boulder on a walk in the forest and Tess had to physically restraint River from giving Scourge more paperwork

At their wedding, they only had about 15 people, aka only a few Bloodclan cats

They have considered a romantic poly relationship with Sandstorm and Tawny pelt before because those 4 are very, very close

The two of them love to dance together, even though Tess

Tess always carries around a parasol which weirded River out a first cause we don't live in 1880 anymore, but now she just finds it cute

it took so, so long to get together, neither of them know why

Tess is a babysitter for everyone and River is tired

Once Tess got River to wear a dress of hers and while it was kind of big it looked so fucking adorable

Random kisses all the time

They're so-so about PDA

Tess gets hit on ALOT because of how proper and pretty she is nobody thinks she will say anything

That's where River comes in a kicks their asses and then takes Tess to get tea or something

Tess hates coffee and loves tea, River is the opposite

Never arguments between them but a lot of Tess having to scold River for attacking a clan cat

So, you know how Tess used to do maid stuff for the Kathrine's?

Well their son had a massive crush on her (the one they didn't kill)

Once, the Kathrine's and some other people entered the forest looking for them, during a gathering Blood Clan attended

Uh, safe to say, once everyone heard about what happened every leader let them break the rule of no violence and River and Tess proceeded to kill or badly wound every single Kathrine and the others there

Theme song: devil town- Cave town

So, you know how I said Tess is proper?

Well, she is, just not in private

She is the biggest savage, flirty person ever its not even funny

Like the moment they enter their house Tess is instantly just calling River baby, babe, using bad pick up lines, making sex jokes at the drop of a hat, the whole nine yards

Which creeped River the fuck out the first time it happened but just finds it hilarious now

Tess overworks herself all the time and it makes River feel so, so bad

This leads to River dragging Tess away from the patrol or whatever and forcing her to sleep

Neither of them can cook so they just order a fuck ton of takeout and eat that until they run out and repeat cycle

Sometimes River forgets Tess is blind without her fake eyes in so Tess needs to wear a blindfold so she doesn't forget

Tess's mental health... is something, sometimes she's a beacon of positivity and other times her mental health is the song Hey little girl by Sophie Marie

But, River tries her best to help her though, they really are made for each other by the end of the day

River has no sense of what's wrong and what's right, she never really knows what can and doesn't make some cry, which is understandable.

She grew up in Blood Clan, in the streets, that's not something that is taught often

Tess tries to teach her though, she's getting better, its also a learning experience for Tess because she learns how to be more selfish and not put everyone before herself until she breaks

The people everyone comes to for advice

They can both play violin

River has told Tess that she doesn't have to be formal around her, she can just be herself. But Tess still has slipped up and called River lady or Madam

River may or may not have been a flustered mess

Tess has worn River's clothes more recently, she really likes them but more then likely wont go out of her way to buy them herself

Tess is the hoodie stealer since she doesn't have any hoodies for River to steal

A lot of people think River is emotionless, whenever Tess hears those comments, it pisses her off so, so bad

So, whenever she hears comments like that, she will just kiss River dead on the lips and say

"Does this dear blushing woman I call my lover look emotionless to you now, dear?" She says this with a pissed look. They run away real quick

So you know the story of Anne Bonny and Mary Reed? How they defended their pirate ship even though the rest of the crew including their captain surrendered?

Yeah, they're like that. Fighting to the nail

Tess would also say Anne Bonny's line of "“I am sorry to see you here, but if you had fought like a man, you needn't be hanged like a dog." when she talked to Boulder once when Bloodclan were going to execute him

River would also say another Anne Bonny quote a lot, "Pains me being this close to you, which should tell you how fuckin desperate I am."

River confessed her love to Tess while she was doing paperwork

It was gay

and cute

Tess said yes of course

Now they're happily married, they want to have kids but with River and Tess's sleep schedule being all out of whack and River not being the best with kids they're not totally sure yet

They have matching tattoos, they both hearts with knives and flowers in them, very intricate little things

River owns a gun store while Tess hand makes outfits for cats if they need them for missions or just to have

They both ride motorcycles together at like 2 AM out of sheer boredom

Blast rock music to help them sleep

So! That's all the stuff I have for today, I will more then likely be writing Night Cloud x Maple Shade ones later so look out for those!

[ariesbilly]

BillyxSteve fanfic recs?

thank god for this message honestly. fair warning theres probably gonna be a lot of smut?? because uh….thats the kind of bitch i am ANYWAY

(under the cut cuz whoops this is a long list)

Billy Hargrove Sucks: Hopper puts Steve in charge of sobering up a wasted Billy Hargrove one afternoon and suddenly things start to make sense. Until they really don’t. (10/10 do recommend. its probably my fave fic, definitely in the top 2. also….breakfast club references.)

Plenty of Fish: “As I said, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, Harrington. Pretty boy like you shouldn’t have any problems finding another hookup.” “I don’t really want a hookup.” “Maybe you don’t want one. But you sure as hell need it.”—Steve is spying on Nancy and Jonathan outside the Snowflake Ball. Billy happens to pass by.

In the Darkness (We are Free): Steve wasn’t really sure how he ended up on his knees behind the bleachers with Billy Hargrove’s dick in his mouth.

dazed and confused: Led Zeplin plays softly in the background and Steve hums along absently, his eyes are closed and he looks relaxed and happy. It’s fucking annoying is what it is. Billy takes a long slow drag from his cigarette and glares at Steve not that the other could see. They’ve been doing this kinda shit lately, hanging out after and just listening to music because Steve’s parents are never home so there’s no rush. They don’t talk about anything or even really acknowledge each other, it’s nice.

Post-Game Stress Relief: Steve’s intent on fighting turns into a slightly different activity.

i’ve been (touching you): Steve’s never really been good at the whole domestic thing.

All this bad blood here: If you asked Billy Hargrove exactly how he came to be standing in front of Steve Harrington’s huge ass house in the middle of the night, he’d tell you that he had absolutely no idea. It was only partly true, he’d been walking, desperate to get out of that cage of a house, away from his dad, away from Susan, Max. Away from every reminder that he was a huge fucking disappointment to them all.

hard and heavy, dirty and mean: “Remember,” he whispers in Steve’s ear, his breath hot. “You wanted this.”

feeling lonely (in the dark): Steve’s in the middle of making breakfast when he just-Stops.

The Break and the Reason Why: They were bound to fall apart. Maybe not from the beginning, not even since Nancy’s guilt started to agonize her, but from the moment Steve and Nancy saw Billy for the first time. And it wasn’t what Nancy saw when she looked at Billy, but what she saw when she looked away and back to Steve. She wouldn’t have admitted it - probably wouldn’t now - but, deep down inside, she recognized what she saw in Steve’s eyes, and it started to break her heart.

you shook me so hard, baby: “You’re awfully fuckin’ chatty tonight.” Billy comments, what Steve thinks is supposed to be casually but coming from him it’s mostly just dark and sinister and that does things to Steve’s dick.“I was just-”“I know, you just need something a little more productive to do with that pretty mouth of yours.”

The Pervasiveness of Loss: Billy makes a list. Steve helps him finish it. (my other favorite fic. i cried. twice)

Right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile: If you asked Steve Harrington what the weirdest experience he’d had in 1984 was, he wouldn’t say fighting a small army of Demo-dogs, nor would he say becoming a babysitter slash friend to a group of 13 year olds (and he was a mentor, excuse you. Not a babysitter.). Nope, Steve Harrington’s single strangest experience of 1984 was being kissed by Billy Hargrove after they’d had a knock down drag out fight in the middle of his kitchen floor.

Word to the Wise: Dustin tries to give Billy a serious warning about dating Steve.

i think of your pretty face when I let it unwind: He fights himself on this as long as he possibly can because only a queer would jerk off thinking about another guy and Billy’s not gay.

we love making (whispers): Steve loves breaking Billy apart; loves being torn apart, himself.

consider him rocked like a hurricane: billy getting his dick sucked in a locker room! not much else to say about it

Glorious Results of a Misspent Youth: A half-drugged Billy kisses Steve and then doesn’t remember, but still flirts with Steve constantly. Steve pines for his new friend.

for a good cause: “What am I supposed to do with Billy, anyway? What do we have in common?” “I don’t know. What guys do when you’re around each other, I guess.”Or the one in which Max asks Steve to distract Billy for a few hours.

Stray: Steve almost runs someone over. There shouldn’t be anyone this far from Hawkins at this time of the day. Especially not Billy Hargrove. And yet he’s there.

when he (dreams): Steve knew Jonathan had the tendency to go for voyeuristic photos, but he just-He never thought the teen would have any of him, and especially not any of Billy.(Or the two of them, together.)

Mark Me (I’m yours): One thing that Steve quickly learns about Billy and sex with Billy, is that he loves leaving marks. Not just in hidden places under clothes, but in very, very obvious places. He’ll bite and mouth and suck until the skin on whatever part of Steve’s body he has his wicked mouth on is purpled and throbbing.

New Normal: Max thinks Billy is a mouth-breather. Billy has the worst case of heart eyes. Steve’s just here for the free cookies.

Billy In Leather Pants: I mean. It’s what it is, man. (honestly…another iconic fic)

Affection: "There were many reasons why Steve kept his distance from Billy Hargrove and he could list a few of them such as a) the guy was an asshole b) the guy was definitely crazy c) he was a shitty brother to Max, to say the least d) he had been shitty to Lucas as well, in fact, to all of his kids - sorry, not his, but his friends, his 13-years-old friends (God! He needed to get out some more) - and e) he had beat the shit out of Steve not so long ago.“

Nothin’ But a Good Time: What had he been thinking? Letting Billy lead him off into the night? Letting the other boy touch him, mark him?

shaking up all our doubting bones: There are a lot of things Steve is self-conscious about, and there are a lot of things he isn’t. The former is what he feels this time, his lack of mental dexterity a sore spot he doesn’t want provoked.

rest and (relax): Steve tends to Billy’s wounds after a bad run-in with his dad.

Restaurants and Reservations: They’d gone on sort-of-not-really dates before; late night drives to all night diners, full on make out sessions at the 3 o’clock show that no one ever went to at the Hawk, walks in the woods at night when the moon shone bright and ominous in the sky and Billy held his hand even though Steve insisted he wasn’t scared.But they’d never been on a real date, a planned date, a fancy date.

Halloween Smash: Steve sticks around and gets drunk after Nancy says he’s "bullshit.” Drunk Steve makes friends with Billy Hargrove. Briefly. After the drunk sex and the shouting, they’re probably not friends anymore.

Mr. Owl: How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

We Could Write a Bad Romance: AU- Steve is Dustin’s adoptive dad/big brother. They’re trying to live their lives as peacefully as possible when Dustin’s basketball coach, Billy, turns out to be kind of an ass. Steve will find himself oddly attracted to the weirdo. A weird friendship is born, and more.

Pour Some Sugar On Me: Surprisingly, Steve had kept to the promise he made to himself. Despite the heated looks and snarky comments, he had not found himself shaking against Billy’s heat in several days. Unfortunately, he had also been unsuccessful in getting the other boy to have a serious conversation with him.

Convenience: Steve has detention. Unfortunately, also in detention are: his ex-girlfriend, his ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend, and the asshole who beat him unconscious just days ago. So. A little weird.

you know when you’re gone i struggle at night: Steve can barely stay awake at school. Probably because he was up all night thinking about Billy.

babysitters club: Steve hadn’t expected his high school life would come to this, not just that he’d end up with a bat filled with nails to fend off terrifying demo-dogs, that he would end up as a cab driver/babysitter for a bunch of kids. Dustin was one thing but in helping out one, he’d suddenly become the go to for favours from Hawkins own fantastic four.

Knight Rider and Greyskull: What would have happened if Billy showed up at the Byers house and was instead accidentally inducted into the Gang of Kicking Demogorgon Ass? Well, a lot. Too damn much, if Steve has anything to say about it. (how season 2 shouldve ended tbh)

also theres this fic and a sequel in which billy and steve swap styles that i fucking adore

#with this message it is official i am in deep with this trash ass ship lmao yolo #harringrove #briana answers things #Anonymous

[highermagic]

ALRIGHT CHILDREN LET’S TALK ABOUT THE FISH MAN MOVIE.

Before I get into this (because it’s going to sound like I’m complaining), I did enjoy the movie, and when all is said and done I think people should go see it because it’s entertaining, but there are some things that are worth talking about.

There are spoilers under the cut!

Granted, I went into the movie only knowing what I knew from Tumblr and like, one advertisement. I knew she was going to fuck the fish man. I knew she was mute. I knew a cat got eaten.

What I expected the movie to be about: woman happens upon a fishman, learns from it, befriends it, starts a romantic relationship with it, etc.

What I got: Government nutjob whiteboy dudebro is Gross the entire movie and hunts down lady who rescues horribly abused fishman.

Which is fine! I would probably enjoy the movie more now that I knew it was about that! But I didn’t before so there were a lot of things I expected to happen and just did not happen.

This entire narrative takes place over the course of...less than a month. The fraction of the narrative of her specifically interacting with the fishman is around 40% tbh at most. There was ONE scene, which is a STRETCH, of them learning how to communicate but at the end of it he knows the meaning and the signs for “You and Me Together” where there was NO SCENE of the neighbor or Zelda speaking as she was signing.

This is flawed because translation requires reference. She pointed to “Egg” and signed “Egg” so he knew what Egg was. Makes total sense. Even “You and Me”, sure, because she can point to “You” and “Me”. But I wouldn’t expect him to know what “Without Me” meant, and it was implied that he knew a lot more than what they signed. Abstract things are harder to translate without reference. Unless we’re citing magical God Fishman powers of communication, - which, OKAY - except it’s NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN.

THINGS ALSO NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN.

Did she just feed him a shitton of eggs the whole time? That’s probably why he got sick, bruh.

Magical healing hand?? He didn’t touch her bullet wound so wtf was that supposed to do unless the water healed her?? I have so many questions about that final scene.

He ate a fucking cat!! Not even the whole cat, just the head! Did he get a hairball? And how did no one notice a fishman standing in the theatre and blood on the walls?

You get to see white dudebro antagonist ass but NO fishman sex. Very disappointed. If I have to watch fuckface mcDick rip off his necrotic fingers and shit I wanna see her fuck a fishman. If only for logistics.

On top of that Mr. Grossman ABSOLUTELY fetishizes her muteness which is Uncool and could have Not Been There and that would have been JUST FINE. (This is also something that is NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN).

Also the “era appropriate” homophobia and racism from Pie Counter Dude. Could have done without that.

I guess my main problem was that I expected it to be a story about a woman slowly falling in love with a fishman and seeing a lot of scenes with him learning, bonding with her, and the urgency of the ending spurred only by the fact that he’s getting sick, not just that he’s being hunted. Instead it was more of a political intrigue with a side dish of fishman romance. Which, again, is fine! Just not what I thought I was getting into.

Now, that entire final scene. Are we to believe that he...what? Turned her scars into gills? She was a fish lady the whole time? HER SKIN IS NOT MEANT FOR THE OCEAN SHE WILL GET HYPOTHERMIA AND DIE.

Do they swim away and get eaten by sharks because oh?? She’s still bleeding! She has no fins or claws or anything to live underwater with? Are they going to swim all the way back to fuckin’ South America and go back to his God homeland? She could be a priestess, that’d be cool.

She was “dragged from the water” and something did that to her so it’s super heavily implied that, like, she may have come from a similar place? Like she has a Hispanic name - did she come from the same region and was an offering to the fish god? Did they know each other in the beginning? Like these are things I need to have answers to and I don’t and it’s annoying!!

The last two minutes of frustrated questions aside, I liked the movie. I liked Zelda’s character, she was a good friend and awesome and I’ve always loved that actress. The acting was stellar all round.

The random romantic movie dance scene was...jarring in theme but nice anyway. Brought some odd humor to a sad scene.

The fishman’s chirping was ADORABLE. I LOVED IT. Also 100% sure fishman got his petting thing from watching the cats.

I want to know what happened to gay neighbor, if he regenerated his youth all the way and got his job back and everything else? I need to know he was happy. And Zelda was happy. And FBI dickwad died.

Also callout for OOC acting from the cats: ain’t no way they kept each other’s doors open and those cats didn’t run all around that floor. I don’t care how happy a cat is, if it sees an open door it will fucking RUN. This legitimately bothered me through the whole movie.

Anyway, that’s that! I liked it overall and I’ll probably go see it again while it’s still in theatres. If only to watch Eliza sign “Fuck you” over and over to the Government dickwad over and over again.

#the shape of water #the shape of water spoilers #idk how else to tag this #the shape of water review

[amaloaf]

yes hello I would like a headcanon and tragic backstory for Fillmore pls

oh buddy, oh my dude

BACKSTORY:

Fillmore was a the child of a 15 year old Brazilian/white girl (Josie) and a 27 year old man (Phillip Sr) 

Fillmore was originally Philip Jr but his mother changed that when he was about 5 

his father is part Native American, but not much else is know about him and his past

his parents were married because his father was rich and his mother was a desperate orphan 

when Fillmore was three his father left in the middle of the night without a word, and they later had to find out it was because he had been lying about his wealth and everything they owned was getting repossessed 

after that debacle he and his mother traveled on the road for a while before finding a cult like, traveling group of hippies who took them in mostly because Fillmore’s mother was so young 

the group was many things, but nudist and acid worshiping was the most prominent 

Fillmore’s mother was pregnant twice whilst living there

The first was with the cults main honcho/leader, the baby was stillborn due to the shit ton of drugs she was taking the whole time; the second was twins from a random cultist named Randy who took the twins and ran off, later they his hut and all three occupants dead from gunshot wounds (most likely from a dealing gone south) 

The cult was creepy, but the worst of it (besides telling pregnant women to take heavy drugs) was that it was law that when someone turns 16, they must move from the heated “childrens room” (where the pregnant people and children under 16 slept) and be moved to the “Pit” 

The Pit was an unheated hut just off to the side from the camp, and since the followers were mostly nudists, you can imagine how that looked

It was essentially a roof and some walls with the floor dug out, and it was filled with pillows and mattresses and stuff, and everyone just cuddled for warmth 

There were a few who wore clothes for heat/safety/comfort reasons but they were few and far between that it was almost unheard of

Fillmore was one of the few who didn’t participate in nudist shenanigans

Because his mom was banging the cult leader, Fillmore got some special treatment (got to wear clothes, didn’t have to go to weekly worships, wasn’t forced to do drugs) 

^Fillmore does, however, do regular cigarettes and blunts to dull his hatred for the place 

Despite his obvious dislike of the cult he still picks up the hippy, free love lifestyle and goes to marches and stuff even after he leaves them 

He was about 11 when he met Ramone (who was about 7 or so), whose parents had crossed the border and were living in the woods until it was safe to go and live with family 

Ramone was always curious of Fillmore’s living situation but Fillmore never let him find out 

Until one day, 

When they were like 19 and 16 Ramone followed Fillmore home and naturally he was found out and they were gonna “initiate him” (don’t ask but it’s hella illegal no matter what the age of the victim is) 

So Fillmore was like “oh i’ll initiate him don’t even worry about it guys” and he takes him into the woods and sets Ramone go with a “don’t worry about me I’ll talk to you tomorrow” 

Filly goes back and says the guy fought back and got away but it’s cool he was gross anyway and everyone buys it because they think Fillmore is one of his own 

So the next day he tells Ramone everything and Ramone spends the next year doing everything he can to get them out of those woods

Well surprise surprise people got suspicious and started asking where he was going so Fillmore had to lay low for a while but encouraged Ramone to get out while he could 

They lose contact for about a year, Ramone hitchhikes with a hot trucker for a while before finding RS

He opens a shop, and then travels up to find Fillmore

He finds him living with a man named Mickey and his husband Carlos

Fillmore had basically been floating around after running away from the cult, had some consensual sex for once, and was actually advocating for things he believed in fully, it was practically heaven 

While making plans to move to RS, Fillmore travels regularly between the two, living (and threewaying) with Ramone and his new gf Flo, and advocating for prides with Mickey and Carlos

On the last pride march, Fillmore lost his legs:

The first leg (right) went at a peace rally gone very wrong

So he’s lost a large chunk of his right ear in rally so he comes with friends

So it was a march in the afternoon and he’s just walking with a sign

On his left he’s got his childhood friend Mikey (a gay black man always looking for peaceful situations) and Mikey’s husband Carlos (short tempered, shot heighted, Mexican man), Carlos is holding a sign and mickey’s carrying a pack with water, weed (for him and Carlos later), and an extra shirt for everyone because they’re going st sweat through theirs before they’re even remotely done

Out of the blue someone charges Fillmore and brings him to the ground

They wrestle for a minute before Fillmore realizes the guys got a knife

The guy tries to stab him, but thanks to Mickey trilingual to get him off, he misses and gets him straight through the thigh, and he makes sure to pull out the big ass steak knife

So Fillmore’s bleeding and before anyone can get to him, one of the other jackasses (who’s there with knife guy) set off tear gas

(Among other types of gas to fuck w/ everyone)

Since it happened in such close proximity, Fillmore could be gotten to immediately like he needed

The wound was not only infected but it had been worsened by the stinging gases

But since he’s a fuckin hippy he didn’t go to a real doctor who would’ve just amputated that shit

Instead he goes to a natural dude who worked on him for like two days and eventually cleans and fixes everything (supposedly but Fillmore is never quite the same) but because of the severity of the wound almost all of the nerves died and in his right leg Fillmore can’t feel a thing below the upper mid thigh

In his other leg Fillmore was shot twice, at a later peace rally, in the knee and *still* did not get professional help for he is a fool

Fillmore moved to RS and never really looked back

He later finds out he has a half sister upstate at a reserve but does not try to contact her for a long ass time

From her he has three nephews, he meets them twice in his whole life but they come to his funeral regardless 

HEADCANNONS

His sister’s name is Alexandra 

His nephews names and ages are John (23), Harold (23), and Mikey (16) ((these are at the time of Fillmore’s death

Despite his chill personality, Fillmore is the cheekiest little shit 

He and Sarge have a small wedding reception because Fillmore doesn’t believe in marriage under the government

Fillmore is a top (i will fight everyone who says otherwise im looking at you cars discord) 

He’s very good with kids, especially babies (I have a fanbaby au but in otherwise cannons Fillmore never has kids)

That being said, Sarge adopts a baby after Fillmore dies to fill the void in his heart

Fillmore can’t cook because he never used a stove until he moved to RS

When he found out his mom died he cried but refused to go to her funeral

He has cheek piercings form his time in the cult, and he can never decide if he likes or despises them

His favorite color is green 

He used to threeway with Flomone but when he became paralyzed he stopped due to his self consciousness

Which was fine Red ended up filling in for him

He cannot sleep naked or in the dark because of his past (his partners must also be somewhat clothed) 

Before the organic fuel he would’ve loved to have been botanist 

Hes 6’4”

Fillmore doesn’t know his own legal last name and doesn’t know the context of his first 

Pst his last name is Patterson

It took a lot to get him off the smoking but he eventually did it

He loses touch with Mickey and Carlos, but after the events of the first movie they find him and he babysits for them

He has PTSD but is good at hiding it

Almost went to jail because he kicked a natzi’s teeth in (the guy had to wear dentures for the rest of his life) 

He got off because the cop called to the scene was black and he pretended that Fillmore got away 

His hair is v soft     

It’s Sarge who ultimately forces Fillmore to seek professional help on his legs 

He is very susceptible to heat and is always drinking water so he doesn’t get migraines 

i have,, so many hcs for my boy, but these are the mains

#answered for me #headcanon #fillmore #sargemore #i love my gay hippie son #hes a good #also im really sorry this is such a fucked up backstory

[nctdamsel-blog]

Things I’ve Heard, Said, or Thought Of ( Complete Series Part 1? )

Send one of the following for my muse’s reaction to your muse saying the thing! 

They tempted her with politics.

The first step to a good murder is to have fun and be yourself.

What’s the time difference between us and Heaven?

I’m the sexiest lesbian that ever lesbianed.

Things makes me nervous.

You’re a waste of trust and good food.

So if I get it, does it last for the rest of forever?

Don’t play video games and then life.

Is it safe to call ribs, “bone branches?”

Ha! Slut!

Are you asking me questions?

I am about to send my endangered water buffalo after you.

I got a nineteen year old flirting with me last night and I panicked.

I’m pretty sure I just served a British dude.

I’m like ninety-seven percent that dude over there is British.

I’m always a slut for Edgar Allan Poe.

I can bitch about this because I’m an adult.

Why do I watch things?

It’s not jelly, silly, it’s preserves!

Keys to life: keys.

Sometimes when I lie down my boobs choke me.

The opposite of rod is not stick.

Redundant redundancy is redundant.

I’m too intoxicated for this.

I need more alcohol.

Is someone trying to say words to me?

She had sex in like seventh grade.

I don’t know the age on gummy bears!

They’re Boy Scouts, I know they are- they’re wearing matching hats.

I think I just emitted death from my butthole.

They’re starting their cult chantings.

Yeah, they’re a bunch of cheese-less macaroni ‘n cheese supporters.

I don’t fucking read Japanese, mother!

Burps are basically throat farts.

Is the butthole a body part?

I can’t figure out this plus minus shit.

I don’t care, I just want bacon.

Put the drink down, go eat a Cheeto.

I’m intoxicated, leave me alone.

Call me, ‘Edward Bottle Hands.’

Never mind, I just won’t socialize.

I may be a diva, but I am a MAN.

When in doubt, titties out.

He died forever.

You’re dealing with a high schooler with the mind of a pre-k student, I’m not qualified for this.

That image is permanently bedazzled into my brain.

Prunes are gross, they taste like fried asshole.

I’m not looking at my boobs, I just have to sneeze.

She got all motivational and shit.

Oh I hate when I have to think.

I was almost asleep, you jerky and chicken whore.

No. No trees.

I thought we had the whole shabam! But no, we have the whole shaboo!

Why am I drinking out of a light bulb? ‘Cause it’s lit, fam!

If you wear a shirt, your nipples are covered.

I don’t have a birthday, I have a removal-day.

Fuckin’ get culture!

Vladimir Put-it-in my butthole.

We have beige fun.

That’s a five dollar pen! It’s a no-leave, smear-don’t-do-that-thing pen!

I CAN SMELL THE HOMOPHOBIA.

Raisins are nature’s turds.

YOU’RE NATURE’S TURDS.

‘Cause I’m a big boy.

That just tastes like pain.

No, we don’t have Internet in the car.

Hey! It’s not my fault I had too much cereal!

Uh, I do have glasses! And they’re called eyeballs!

Girl, pop a titty out!

Whatever tickles your titties.

YOU JUST WOUNDED MY ASIAN HEART.

I’m asexual, I’m not a pervert!

I’m not even a dude, and I’m gayer than you!

I can’t be mad at you all, you’re all failures!

You need a mop to mop up your attitude.

Can I sell you a Bible?

I’m in theater, I’m allowed to do this!

I’m not distinguished, I eat egg sandwiches!

My life’s already in shatters- I’m in steeldrums class!

I feel like I have a kidney stone in my leg.

Oh, I’m already going to be in a cardboard box when I’m twenty.

Why clean your hair when you can put pipe cleaners in your hair?

I’m white and I’m offended.

I’m Jewish and I’m offended.

It makes me think of sex and cookies.

My purse is a weapon of mass destruction.

My life is a weapon of mass destruction.

I got inappropriately mad.

I’ve met a lot of straight gays. Them are the closet gays.

I’m a disappointment to other raging asexuals.

Piñas; it’s pineapple for penis.

Canner is short for Candice,

These are pleasantly squishy.

I live my life on the edge of diabetes.

I can’t exist and hear at the same time.

Bitch listen with your eyes.

I’m not saying she’s a slut, but it’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

Is it saucy? Like barbecue?

Anal: it’s not a bad word, it’s a fun activity!

You have a permanent seat on my face.

Everything that was baby wipes, is now baby juice.

If you put your pants on backwards, does that mean the entire universe is wearing your pants except you?

Spacial reasoning skills- I am a woman.

Cajuns are basically French rednecks.

If you don’t know what free pizza is, you have a problem with your life.

Does this apple ever end?

A raw macaroni noodle has more personality than you.

Is it possible to sleep on your butt wrong?

Why you gotta bust my balls like that?

Oh fork, I forgot a fuck.

I WILL GET TO MARS! ..And I didn’t make it.

You gotta drench that bitch in ranch, my dude.

I’m gonna get that bitch some cereal. Bitches love cereal.

I can’t hear when I’m doing things.

A ginger fucker is all I’ll ever be!

I gayed too hard and now my head hurts.

Seaweed! It’s weed for fish!

I’m gonna spew some bullshit because I think my opinion matters.

I will pay you my wallet if you kill me.

I felt really stupid because I sent a picture of me face swapping with Hitler to a random person.

Don’t say, “oh hell!” Instead say, “oh Purgatory!” It’ll make you sound smarter.

Can we print our name in cursive?

Shit, why didn’t I see this coming? I thought I knew everything!

It’s hard to chew.

Move over, I got a big butt and a bigger ego.

They told me to wear a shirt and tie, so I wore a toucan shirt.

I don’t understand why people eat ass. Like, you’re eating someone’s shit hole.

I have more money than myself.

Gay yourself together.

I like pooping in silence.

I’m a virgin, what’s the, “L,” word?

What if I’m the art, and my art is the artist?

I didn’t stretch, I kinda fell.

This sand is too.. Sandy.

Every time I look out a window, I feel like we’re in a ranch bottle sticker.

Stop you piece of lard!

I’ve been drinking.. It’s tea, but really hard tea.

#;;Mack Makes Memes #//i mainly made this meme because this list is taking a shit ton of space on my phonE LOL #//but also i like making memes sometimes #//therE'S 137 TOTAL

[pokefriendsimagine]

I have a mighty need for Guzma Wedding/Honeymoon hc x'D (just kill me now /wHEEZE)

I wanted Ty to do this one and to egg him on to make this blatantly about Ariel buuuuut I wanna get more done so I’m gonna do it in a general sense.

- Guzma totally got cold feet and needed his “best man” (Plumeria) to smack some sense into him… literally. His s/o was confused as to why his cheeks were red and in some of their wedding photos you can see the hand prints.

When Guzma gets scared he gets angry and somewhat mopey more than jittery. He paces, rants and raves and throws his hands in the air and yells and swears up a storm. Mostly ranting about what kind of idiot actually wants to marry him and how stupid he looks in a tux and how much of a fancy schmancy bore weddings are.

- He opens his tux, loosens his tie and opens his shirt a bit to feel more natural. Plumeria nugees his hair back into his former glory and he exhales and starts to feel better about this whole ordeal.

- Feels shitty about the engagement ring he bought. They deserved better but they wouldn’t want him to obtain it through illegal means but he wanted better for them and he tells Plumeria this. He wishes this was the kind of wedding where he could break shit because he’s about to break his damn skull on the wall to make this bitch ass anxiety fucking stop already.

- Plumeria whips out a flask. “Some, not all of it. Don’t even think I’m letting your sloppy ass get to that altar while you’re bombed to shit, ya hear me?”

She lets him have a drink and makes damn sure his breath is sweet and the alcohol is rinsed away because she’s not wishing no booze monkey on the honey who scored her dumb brother figure. They deserve better than that but they also deserve for him to show up and in one peace.

Grabs his shoulder, hard as fuck, enough to bruise even and makes him look her square in the eye. “You made like thirty of the cotton candy crew happy. No scandals but you made me happy too when I didn’t even figure how far I was from happy in the first place. You’re gonna be fine.”

- “… yo, but hear me out, Plums. What if they wind up wanting kids? I’m pretty sure they do.

”… if you finish that sentence with your fucked up father I really will sail in you, Boss.“

"I ain’t fuckin around here, Plums! What if some of that shit rubbed off on me, huh? Wake up one day and look around and come down off this rampage and realize my (spouse) is battered to shit or even my fuckin kids! I don’t wanna turn into that piece of shit, I’m fuckin bad enough already!”

She literally does wind up smacking him.

“Fuckin STOP IT, Guzma. You talked now it’s my turn. You know we fucked up with Team Skull, I know we fucked it, the whole region knows that shit was a hot mess of hell on wheels right? It’s done. You got yourself straight. That cute little dumbass out there who wants you? They know you’re more than Bjg Bad Guzma. Whatever you haven’t got right yet they’re gonna help you. They did a damn good job already. You oughta be proud. I fuckin am.”

- He didn’t cry and Plumeria wasn’t at all close to crying but she definitely warned him not to show up looking like a wet ratata to his wedding.

- … there were a few tears. Fine. No one needs to know.

- Except seeing his S/O when the time comes actually makes him stop and clutch his chest. He’s so rigid and tense and his face is red and he manages to smirk but it’s an odd hybrid of awkward smile and trying to hard to be smug smirk.

- Golisopod is the ring bearer. He’s just so happy and blissfully unaware of how messed up his trainer is. He’s just standing there all happy trying balance two rings on a pillow.

- While putting on one another’s rings he cracks and dies get slightly choked up. He plays it off but he’s trembling and his gaze is intense.

- He goes to far when the loss comes. He can’t stop kissing, he deepens it more than he should and he needs a prick from Golisopod and a rough smack on the back from Plumeria to get back to reality.

- The lesbian grunts caught the bouquet together. The gay grunts griped loudly in disappointment and when everyone stared at them they were super embarrassed. There had always been rumors but that was confirmation that they were in fact a thing. akonididntcatchrhebouqetbuthecaughtastrayflowergronit what?

- In between the wedding and the reception he pulls his s/o away with him for awhile. Conversation is sparse. He just needs a breather because the whole day has been heavy so far and he just wants some time alone with them before he has to share again. Before he has to slip back into his usual persona and not crack under pressure as he has been.

Admittedly the next part is inspired by “To The Moon” and it probably won’t be the last time I use this bit of influence but��

He asks if they feel any different now. If being married changed anything. How they look at things, how they feel… and will it change them?

He feels… well burnt as fuck after the wedding but being their husband and the blessed he made makes him feel somehow stronger. It’s pretty lit actually but it’s still a lot to wrap his head around.

- Plumeria roasted the fuck out if Guzma. Then Kukui who Guzma wound up inviting personally. Then Nanu who just seemed to show up because. He didn’t say to much but what he did say had the room ROARING. Guzma contemplates his life choices on the toilet right after this for half an hour.

- Busts it wide fucking open for the first dance with his s/o. Makes up for it by revealing he actually. An dance wonderfully for a little while. He may or may not have begged Kukui to help him. He wanted to dance like he did with Burnet. Kikui hadn’t even known he was at his wedding but Guzma couldn’t not go and wound up leaving an unsigned present for them.

They reconnected while teaching Guzma to properly dance but both kept calling the other gaaaaaay which Burnet also did because why would she not.Both dan ed with Guzma during this time.

- He’s not going to rough. He didn’t fuck them for the first time in their honeymoon because of course they fucked before marriage what are ya but he was still especially gentle (as much as Guzma can be). He’s terrified and feels guilty over any little bruise or mishap. He squeezes too hard when they snuggle up for sleep and when told to stop hugging so tight or let go he says

“Nah. Never.”

- They travel the regions together. He didn’t have a favorite and missed Alola but he really had no love for Kalos at all. Sinnoh was actually pretty fun because of how cool and high tech Sunyshore was but the moving sidewalks fucked him up more than once.

- He caught SO many bugs. He wanted to find a cute buggy honey for Golisopod because gotta hook ya boi up. I’ll leave it up to you if he was successful or not but imagine how happy Guzma would be to hold an egg while a cute little pre evo bug pokes its head out.

- There got so many sex toy “gag” gifts that saw SO much use let me just tell you that much.

I’m bad with honeymoons. Again, I’ll leave it up to the incredibly striking Mod Gruntcle to add more if he see for. This is his friend asking after all.~

~ Mod Opal enjoyed the fuck out if this

~ ModGruntcle approved of ALL of this well done Mod Opal you've outdone yourself. owob

[shoveanavocadoupmyass]

♬

SEND ME A ♬ JUST FUCKING DO IT.

*RUBS MY GRUBBY LITTLE HANDS TOGETHER.* LET’S GO MOTHERFUCKER. 

THE TRUTH/THE END Reefer Madness “When danger’s near, exploit their fear. The end will justify the means.” 

I couldn’t find a combination of the two on YouTube, so those are two separate links above!

KAY so Reefer Madness is a stupid ass musical (the whole thing is on YouTube btw ur welcome), but it’s got this surprisingly real commentary on mobbing and fear mongering? 

It focuses on “reefer” (obviously, because that’s what the original movie was about and it’s fuckin’ in the title) and it deals with “loss of innocence” and shit. It follows the story of JIMMY AND MARY, two super classic Christian-American teens and their descent to sin by way of REEFER! 

The Lecturer’s (Alan Cumming’s) whole schtick is, like, he’s literally giving a seminar to parents like yOU WOULDN’T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO YOUR CHILDREN, WOULD YOU? And then ridiculous things happen to Jimmy and Mary and the other potheads. They swear and have a lot of sex and Sally literally sells her baby so she can buy weed at one point? 

TAKE A LOOK AT THESE LYRICS FROM THE OPENING NUMBER, THOUGH, FAM: 

“Creeping like a communist, it’s knocking at our doors. Turning all our children into hooligans and whores. Voraciously devouring the way things are today, savagely deflowering the good ol’ U.S.A.It’s Reefer Madness, Reefer Madness” 

“Stealthy as a socialist, it slithers up our shoresTurning all our children into hooligans and whores!This smoking bowl of evil bears the choking stench of sin!It burrows like a weevil under tender Christian skin!”

Man, just watch the whole musical. Also fuckin’ Zack and Cody’s dad plays Jesus at one point so obviously if you’re not sold already, that’ll get you. 

ANY WAY this is more of a connection with America than it is with Alfred, even though that’s...kind of a moot point. I think it makes sense? But if you’re like “what the fuck is wrong w u” I’ll try and explain more but HOO. 

ASTONISHING Little Women“I may be small, but I’ve got giant plans to shine as brightly as the sun.” 

SO - I linked that to a video of Sutton Foster singing it for some random TV show because the actual recording has this VERY SPECIFIC bit right at the beginning that’s like “WHY THE FUCK DID LAURIE PROPOSE TO ME THAT ASSHOLE WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE BROS” which has no relevance to why I picked this for Alfred, because…Alfred is not Jo March and does not have the same problems as her. But if you want a better recording, here’s the OBC Cast with the weird beginning bit. 

This one is definitely more Alfred in his earlier years, like when he’s still with Arthur, kind of coming into himself kind of of song. Pre-War of Independence. You got me. 

That’s it. So in depth. Exploring his character. Damn shit. 

SUPERBOY AND THE INVISIBLE GIRL Next to Normal “He’s your hero, forever your son. He’s not here! I am here!” 

Okay, so I’m including this one because you’re MapleTea trash and this song gives me major Canada @ England, feat. America as Superboy vibes? Plus Aaron Tveit as Alfred F. Jones yes please god bless. 

Next to Normal is lit. It deals with a lot of shit that’s not really touched by musical theatre, it’s main theme being mental illness (specifically Bipolar Disorder). It follows the stories of the Goodman’s. Diana, the mother figure, is dealing with severe mental illness after suffering through the death of her son, Gabe (Superboy), who died in a car crash when he was a baby. Gabe presents as a regular character and functioning member of the family (who has aged as usual as well) and it’s revealed at the end of the first number that he’s not real when she tries to present him with a birthday cake and Dan sings “he’s not here.” In the song Catch Me I’m Falling it’s revealed that Natalie, the invisible girl, was born essentially to replace Gabe. 

Diana: “We had Natalie to…and I know she knows. I couldn’t hold her in the hospital. I couldn’t let myself hold her.” Dr. Madden: “That’s the first time you’ve mentioned Natalie in weeks of therapy.” Natalie: “She’s not there.” 

It’s a lot more involved than that…but…we will be here for HOURS. So just. MapleTea. And Alfred. Yeah. 

WORD OF YOUR BODY Spring Awakening. “O, I’m gonna be wounded. O, I’m gonna be your wound. O, I’m gonna bruise you. O, you’re gonna be my bruise”

Before I say anything I want to put in a fucking shout out to the Deaf Wests version of the REPRISE to this number (heads up there’s a fair amount of dialogue beforehand which I think is worth watching, BUT if you ain’t into it, the song starts around 2:27). This is the obligatory Allan @ Alfred/Alfred @ Allan number, and the reprise probably make more sense to refer to since, rather than a scene between Wendla and Melchior, it’s a scene between Ernst and Hanschen, who are our token gays! Also the smooches are really good and made me swoon so 10/10 recommend just watching for those if I’m honest. 

I originally linked the Melchior/Wendla version just because the audio is better, and I’m really only interested in the chorus anyway (which is what I quoted above) which is in both versions? Every other part of each other versions aren’t really what I was looking for since they’re very character specific and I find that the Ernst/Hanschen dynamic and the Melchior/Wendla dynamic don’t really represent Allan and Alfred. THAT BEING SAID, Hanschen’s character...is really good, and he looks a bit and acts a bit like Alfred. So. SO. 

ANYWAY. 

The chorus was the only thing I could find that I thought…encapsulated…what I think their relationship is? They don’t fit into the usual lovey dovey bullshit songs like Delovely and friggin’ Falling Slowly. And, like, referring to their relationship as some kind of wound or a bruise is...aesthetic as fuck. 

PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ Fred Astaire “High hats and arrowed collars, white spats and lots of dollars. Spending every dime for a wonderful time!” 

*SHRUGS* 

HERE’S AN HONOURABLE MENTION FOR AN ALLAN AND ALFRED SONG ALSO LMFAO. 

#This took me one thousand years #and im not mad