#and people trying to like. diagnose him with NPD and say he's The Worst Ever Actually and is basically 'they all hated me' goob | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

faithfromanewperspective · 9 months

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So I am going to be asking about a character I hate right now, but it's a character that I think about frequently because of his proximity to ALL my biggest blorbos. Charles Fairchild. What brand of neurodivergent do you think he is? I have opinions, but want to see what you have to say.

I LOVE THIS QUESTION SO MUCH!!! because I get to talk about a recent interest of mine: and that's how to be properly neurodivergent affirming for all neurodivergences, especially those that are overrepresented in criminal populations and those who are also overrepresented in those who are ostracised for being seen as 'bad people' due to having and expressing non-neuronormative needs that are a result of a combination of trauma and neurobiology. and not just being able to chalk it up to the double empathy problem, either. I will say I am not an expert in this, and if there's anyone in the community reading this who thinks I've not handled it sensitively, please let me know. I like feedback, and I also like it when people say things nicely because i'm human and fragile too.

First, hate to be your stereotypical armchair diagnoser but something about Charles absolutely screams NPD. And as much as he's not a great guy I love that we actually do get to know him, we get to know not only our usual TSC boys who are bleeding with emotion and just so loveable and hungry for connection and love, but the trope that we're told exists, we see from the outside in politicians and business (usually) men (doesn't James compare Charles to one of those men with briefcases rushing about at rush hour in chain of gold?) and who never really let us in to the fact that they're human. Through Alastair's description of Charles' motivations in chain of thorns, we do actually get to know him and what drives him: fear, masked by ambition. And at this point I want to say: I don't think he has NPD because he's a dick. He just happens to be one as well, and that happens to be one of the ways it presents. It is not the only way NPD can present. Overall, in terms of NPD awareness and hey-let's-not-call-all-these-people-with-this-diagnosis-or-who-would-get-it-if-they-ever-got-help-abusers, Charles isn't the best representation. He's not the worst either; he does get sort of a redemption arc, and though we can speculate about his relationship with Alastair (and have reason to) there is very little that is canonically confirmed about it. So, at this point (and it's taken me a lot of thinking and one (1) Charles POV oneshot to get to this point) I agree with Ari that he's an interesting guy to have as a penpal, for curiosity if for nothing else.

I also think he may (?) be autistic. I've strung this together from a very obscure bunch of observations, the first being Will and Tessa's wedding where he 'had colic and wanted everyone to know' (don't mind me botching my quotations). Not saying all autistics are fussy but you know. Differing pain feeling thresholds that come with different sensory profiles. On top of that, politics is an intense and long-lasting special interest for him. I think some of it is the power, some of it is him still trying to get his mother's attention and love by imitating her even after all of these years, but also: it's a way to exist with people that gives him a more or less scripted role. He's known for quite a few social faux pas (think his engagement announcement at james and cordelia's engagement party! that can't be completely siren power mindpuppeting), he struggles with the social-emotional reciprocity thing (especially when it comes to the being vulnerable side of things and we see Alastair suffer for that), he seems to get irritable in a way that he doesn't understand nor know how to be honest about, and when he does want to say something, he just interrupts the conversation. Overall he seems to be a shitty presentation of a shitty stereotype, many shitty stereotypes in fact (that he humanises, like I've talked about). But. Before we brush off Cassie for that, it's important to have diverse representation of any kind of neurodivergence (including what we find ugly), and I find he does actually balance out james and thomas and christopher quite well. And yes. The TLH gang, more of them are autistic than not. His parents are also Charlotte and Henry and I do know how genetics works. I'd be surprised if they had a neurotypical kid.

Speaking of my absolute faves Charlotte and Henry who we do have to admit are kind of shitty parents during the time Charlotte is Consul I can kind of see how having two flaming neurodivergent kids who they had none of the resources to know how to support, one parent is disabled and one is facing the incredible pressure of being the one to break the glass ceiling of holding an INCREDIBLY stressful job with all the scrutiny that comes with Being A Woman while also kind of unofficially being her partner's caretaker and having two kids with zero time off her fulltime plus job and also has a fair bit of her own trauma in regards to Parents--I can see how the Trauma of Many Kinds resulted in this incredibly underresourced family and we have to recognise Charles is a victim of this. Especially, as we know, how neurodivergent needs are you know--different to neurotypicals--and you've got to be super attuned as a parent to understand the unique things your kid needs. We also have to recognise that growing up with him being doubtless unpredictable did a number on Matthew, six years younger and incredibly hungry for connection.

Overall, Charles is a really well put together character in my view and the way he exists in the ecosystem of generational and lateral community trauma just is really well done. He's not a great guy. I hope he gets whatever help he needs, whatever that looks like--I am kind of optimistic for him but I also Really Think It'll Take A LONG Time and it's going to be really hard for him to make genuine connections for quite a while. I think at some point Charlotte and Henry will slowly figure things out. And grieve. A lot.

#charles fairchild #neurodivergence #neurodivergent affirming #and i mean really neurodivergent affirming #the last hours #genuinely please let me know how i've gone with this

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enneamage · 2 years

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when it comes to wilbur’s npd, do you feel like there’s a chance of him improving and managing it better or do you think he’s always going to give in to the same patterns he has going on now?

I’m a believer in the phrase “you have to name it to tame it.” The question that I find most pressing with him is does he know, and how much does he know, because I think that would make the biggest difference.

I’m not a fan of using the phrase ‘neurotypical’ but the key is going to have to be how much responsibility he’s willing to take for being Built Different. There are some very specific patterns with NPD that you just can’t treat as you would a ‘neurotypical’ person, because at best they won’t work and at worst they’ll make things worse. I’m not confident that something as intense as a personality disorder could be managed coincidentally without ever putting his finger on what it actually is.

On the other hand, I think on some level he can tell that something is off with himself. He’s capable of vocalising a lot of his problems, whether he consciously intends to or not. The line “I think there might just be something wrong with me” is a line that can only come out in Minecraft roleplay, I doubt we would hear it otherwise. The whole sentiment of how something overtakes him no matter what, the idea of playing a character who feels doomed to make the same mistakes because of the way he’s built… much to think about. Pointing to the Minecraft roleplay will always be a stretch, but a lot of this is stuff that wouldn’t surface otherwise.

I don’t know what kind of feedback he would have gotten from the mental health professionals he’s seen so far, but judging from how he talks I don’t think they’ve made an attempt to diagnose him. I don’t know how Wilbur would act if he was ever presented with the knowledge that he might have NPD (provided they pitch it right, he immediately shoots down when people call him a ‘narcissist’ which is funny but I see why.) This also rubs up against the larger issue that NPD doesn’t have a well tailored treatment to the condition other than DBT and therapy with a specialist, so he would still be on his own to try and find what works for him.

Overall I think it’s quite possible for him to get a handle on it if he had enough information to stop being blindsided by his brain. He might improve in bits and pieces without knowing exactly what’s up with himself, but having something to say ‘here are the deeply held parts of yourself that are unique to you’ is kind of an irreplaceable intervention. He’s self aware in a ‘floating two feet behind himself and watching his own moves’ way but so far this has been more fixating on the problem than knowing how to change it. Growth is always possible, but never a guarantee.

#I'm not a complete doomer but I don't know how I feel about his odds #but I'm a hammer so everything looks like a nail to me #NPDbur tag #gen wlbr tag

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dandelion-and-the-wolf · 5 years

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Okay, so I don’t usually make any point of commenting on the writing or plot of The Arcana, even though I’ve had some f e e l i n g s on some of the more recent books. With the last update (Book XX - Judgement) though, I’m just too disappointed, and quite honestly, angry, not to.

Now, I can overlook the (in my opinion) decrease in quality of the writing. I can overlook the feeling I get that the main LI’s lost some of their spark and character along the way. But the thing I absolutely can’t overlook is the way that Lucio has been portrayed, treated, and “dealt with” in the latest update.

Why? Well, partly, because I identify with Lucio.

I know, shock horror, right? How could I identify with someone who is constantly referred to as “garbage”, “trash”, “abusive” and “a whiny little bitch boy”, among many other negative descriptions? More to the point, why would I admit to it?

If you’re reading this and you don’t know me, or haven’t come across my blog before, I have Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD, as the name suggests, is a personality disorder that generally results from some form of childhood trauma. It shapes and affects who I am, how I interact with and relate to people, and impacts pretty much every aspect of my life. BPD, for me, is a constant need for attention and validation. It’s a horrible, perpetual fear of abandonment and rejection that seems irrational to most, but for me it’s very real and absolutely terrifying. It’s being told you’re a manipulative, attention-seeking monster by the media and sometimes even the people who know you. It’s unstable relationships, impulsive and self-destructive behaviours, it’s mood swings, explosive anger and paranoia. It’s sometimes feeling like you’re a god, worthy of everyones respect and admiration, and other times feeling like you’re worthless. It’s being “sensitive” and “whiny” and making a big deal out of “nothing”.

I’m not suggesting at all that Lucio was written as a character who has BPD, but I can recognize many of his traits in myself and I felt that I could understand his thinking and motivations, and the things that led to him becoming the person that he is, especially given the little we’ve seen of the environment he grew up in and the way he was treated by his parents.

Lucio actually fulfils most of the criteria for being diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is closely related to BPD and shares a lot of common traits.

Some of the most typical signs of someone having NPD are:

Attention seeking

Exaggerated entitlement

Admiration seeking

Excessive reliance on others for self-esteem and self-definition

Lack of empathy

Exploitative of others

Grandiose and condescending

Sound like anyone we know? Whether it was intentional or not to write Lucio with the characteristics of a narcissist, the fact is that he has them. NPD and BPD are very real, debilitating mental illnesses that affect a lot of people’s lives. A lot of people playing The Arcana will have NPD/BPD/a similar disorder (or at least know someone who does) and see parts of themselves in Lucio. To have his character development not go beyond “I’m a self-important asshole who is only out for myself, and there’s no explanation other than I’m just garbage” is disappointing, to say the least, if not downright offensive.

Every single person in existence has motivations and reasons for the way they behave, and the views that they hold. Think of all the most popular villains in books and movies - every one of them has their own reasons for doing what they do. Some have traumatic pasts, some have been wronged, some have a skewed idea of what is right and how the world should be. Some are redeemable and some are not, but well-written villains should at least have some kind of character development and have thought put into why they are the way they are. I’m not saying Lucio is or ever was a “good person”, and I’m not saying that he should have been forgiven or have a redemption arc. But come on, he deserved more than either being chased out of Vesuvia like a little bitch, killed by his wife, or drained of blood and eaten in a ritual with no further hope of learning more about him. People that were invested in Lucio as a character deserved more. If nothing else, it’s just lazy writing and poor character construction.

But the worst part for me? Seeing Dana’s reaction to peoples upset on her Twitter; “loving garbage is valid, you don’t have to try to convince yourself it’s not garbage. but also? don’t convince yourself a dumpster is actually a treasure chest, then get mad when there’s actually garbage inside and not treasure.”

No person is just a fucking dumpster, and no one should ever be made to feel that way, even in terms of a fictional character. If you want to write your characters as one dimensional, sure, go off. That’s your business. But understand that some people are (rightly) going to be upset, and maybe try to be empathetic to the reasons why. Some people have mental illnesses that make them behave in similar ways to your character, who you berate constantly. Some people have put a lot of time and money into this game, and most people playing have some level of emotional involvement. Some people hate Lucio, some love to hate him, and some people love him. All absolutely valid, and I’ve seen posts from people with all opinions on Lucio unhappy with the way his character arc was ultimately handled, or not handled, more to the point.

So, after the update, I can see that I’m not the only one feeling let down by Nix Hydra, and it upsets me to see how badly some people have been affected by this.

We expected more.

Lucio deserved more.

#the arcana #the arcana game #count lucio #lucio #update #judgement #book xx #mental illness #BPD #NPD #nix hydra

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vulva-o-queef · 6 years

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@hestiaq (making a new post because I don’t want to keep reblogging a long threat)

I’m really sorry for what you were put through. I sincerely hope you’re in a better situation now and doing okay. That’s horrific.

I remember the Ted Bundy bit you’re talking about- and she’s…. honestly quite right? If enough men have NPD/ASPD a few of them are going to seem intelligible, I think. I don’t really understand what you’re saying about Ted Bundy- if it’s tongue in cheek or not.

Okay, like I said, I haven’t seen this post she made. necromancerdoll just said that larps said sociopaths/psychopaths “can’t perform well in society/function with others.” I know aspd and being a sociopath are often considered the same thing, and I know a lot of them are pretty transparent assholes. Psychopathy isn’t a formal diagnosis at all, but criminal psychologists do use the term, and there’s a pretty solid consensus on what it means. Some people say psychopaths are a subset of sociopaths, and other people say it’s a similar but distinct thing, but in either case, one of the main characteristics of a psychopath (which a sociopath doesn’t, or doesn’t always have) is that they’re smooth and charming, and they use those traits to manipulate others.

My comment about Ted Bundy was sarcastic (and probably not in very good faith, but also wasn’t really related to the main point of all this), because saying psychopaths “can’t perform well in society/function with others” is the opposite of the truth. Ted Bundy was charming, socially adept, approachable, and likable, which was exactly how he managed to lure in many of his victims. He would put on a fake cast and ask women to help him get things into his car, which is what that scene from silence of the lambs is based on. Larps might be totally aware of all that and just phrased something too broadly. The only way it would be relevant to the rest of what I’m saying is, if she really meant to say that psychopaths are socially inept, it would be another example of how she tries to speak as an authority on mental disorders she doesn’t understand. Mostly I was just poking fun.

Women are over-diagnosed. But I don’t understand how Larps pointing out shitty behavior is the same as “diagnosing everyone”. Also, she’s talked about how borderline personality is over-diagnosed and often ascribed to women who are dealing with trauma. She’s also not talking about it from a “I don’t personally like them” only- “these people” are people who are cruel and vicious and play victim when called out on their cruel vicious behavior.

Clearly, you and I interpret the things she says about bpd and ‘cluster b’ in general very differently. For one, diagnosing anyone over the internet is absurd. In my first response to her, I did agree that she has made some good points, mostly about the link between autogynephilia and narcissism. But that’s about noticing an overarching theme within a specific population, and there’s already a decent amount of academic writing about that link. Case studies done by real psychologists. Actual studies done with controls and statistics and so on. And even with stuff like fucking “trans lesbian” dating profiles that larps points out herself, there is some solid evidence there due to the sheer repetition of entitled attitudes, fetishism, etc, the list goes on. My issue is with the way she thinks she understands BPD when she clearly doesn’t, how she applies “cluster b” or bpd to an awful lot of people, largely young ‘transmen’ or radfems she doesn’t like, and how whenever anyone she’s put down for having BPD tells her to cut it out, or tells her that she’s wrong about them, she dismisses anything they have to say by citing “people with bpd are insane,” or telling them they’re being irrational due to their disorder. Basically she’s using it as a shield to avoid being held accountable for the things she says. “Anyone who’s telling me borderline people aren’t irrational is only saying that because they’re borderline, and therefore they’re irrational!” I’m not saying she’s diagnosing “everyone.” And regarding transmen specifically, there are a lot of psychological factors involved in that situation, and for someone who’s so vocal about the cultlike, exploitative, backwards nature of the trans movement, you’d think she would understand how absurd and frankly just plain egotistical it is to think she can simplify all of those psychological factors and dynamics down to “cluster b.” Again - remember that she’s talking about people she’s never met in her life, usually judging from one blog description, a handful of posts, or sometimes nothing more than a fucking selfie.

Even as a younger girl with supposed “BPD” (who even identified with the label)- I wouldn’t have found this stuff offensive, and if it did (which I might have, and sometimes still do)- it’s really that easy to log off or go outside.

That’s good for you, and I respect your perspective. And you’re right, I could just log off and ignore what larps is saying. You can say that about anything anyone says on the internet, and technically it’s true. But I didn’t. The things she’s saying are ignorant, I find them personally hurtful, and I think she’s spreading misinformation, harmful stereotypes, and regressive thinking. I see that she’s saying dehumanizing and belittling things to women on this site who deserve respect, and probably worst of all, I see that there are a lot of people who look up to her, ask her for advice, sometimes idolize her a bit, and many of them will believe pretty much anything she says. She’s feeding them bullshit and some really vile ideas about mental health stigma, and how people with certain disorders (mainly BPD) deserve to be treated. I don’t think she’s the devil incarnate, and I don’t think she’s out here ruining lives and destroying families. I think she’s an asshole with an inflated sense of her own insight and knowledge, and I decided to say something. I could have logged off, but in this case, I didn’t. That’s all.

...I don’t understand how Larps memeing on a Tumblr blog and often posting insightful ideas about personality disorders is “insulting, ignorant, and dehumanizing”.

Yeah I don’t know what you consider “insightful,” but posting the definition of “insane” and copy-pasting a list of bpd symptoms and saying “see? these people are insane,” and tagging her response to my post with #have u ever noticed how all of these people have personality disorders (callback to “anyone who’s telling me borderline people aren’t irrational is only saying that because they’re borderline, and therefore they’re irrational!”) ...doesn’t quite cut it in my book.

She doesn’t bring up cluster b whenever she “feels” someone is acting unreasonable and dramatic- they… are unreasonable and dramatic- at least in whatever context, and people don’t have to dig deep to see who someone really is to be able to just say “no that’s insane, bye”.

Mmmm... I realize you see the situation differently from me, but am I acting insane? I mean, at worst, I’m making the undeniably blunt way she talks to people into something bigger than it needs to be. And yeah, I know... classic cluster b, amiright? But even if that’s the case, even if I’m misinterpreting her views, surely you can see where I’m coming from. And there are quite a few people who have the same objections that I do (mostly radfems, radfem adjacent women, terves, etc.). When she wrote that tag #have u ever noticed how all of these people have personality disorders, isn’t it clear that she was referring to me, as well as the rest of the radfemmish women who have been speaking against this behavior from her lately? Isn’t she making an assumption that I have a personality disorder (which I do not)?

Do you really think my objection to the way larps talks about bpd is an indication that I have a personality disorder, and that I’m insane? Unreasonable at worst. But yes, she is absolutely using the excuse that those who object to her saying borderline people are irrational are saying so because they’re borderline/irrational. And like I said, I’m hardly the only example of her saying things like this. Someone just reblogged the original post of all of this and said #I just blocked larps bcuz shes been reblogging random old posts from me calling me a cluster b as bait #as far as I know I’m the only quote on quote crazy bihet that doesn’t have a pd? Someone else wrote #I really looked up to larps hence I’m so torn about this #if I didn’t believe she was a smart and decent well meaning person I wouldn’t care. That’s just on that particular post, within the last few hours.

People with personality disorders are diagnosed because they’re anti social and cause harm to those they “love”/interact with and the cluster b community (that I hung around) spend most of their time groveling in misery- despite often constructing their own fantastical narrative of people horrifically abusing them and demanding to be coddled for every emotion.

Some of them, yeah. Not all of them, and not enough to justify making assumptions about people you’ve never met.

What I mean is- the pain that they’re feeling is an offense to ego a LOT of the time. And other’s shouldn’t have to walk around eggshells to make sure that they don’t injure others egos.

Agreed.

Like it’s not real, rudfems don’t enable or contribute to violence against women. None of these women, no matter how mean they are, contributed to the pain I experienced in childhood for being called BPD- actually it was always men and handmaidens.

I didn’t accuse larps, or any other ‘rudefem’ of contributing to violence against women. I know that men were the reason ‘hysteria’ could be diagnosed in the past, and I know that men are the reason bpd is being overdiagnosed in women today. And I’m honestly not even trying to say larps is being misogynistic to the women she says this stuff to (though re-reading, I realize it could easily sound that way). Misogyny or not, dismissing someone’s perfectly measured, reasonable objection as irrational just because they have a bpd diagnosis - which in several cases, dr. larps diagnosed all by herself - is unacceptable, is the same pattern and circular justification used on ‘hysterical’ women in the past, and is particularly bad because, as we agree, bpd is too often being diagnosed as the new version of hysteria. She’s re-enforcing age-old stereotypes about mental illness, and she’s buying into it so completely that she really believes that borderline people are so unreliable that she knows what’s going on in their heads better than they do. Hence saying that borderline people objecting to her backwards stereotyping are doing so out of a kneejerk reaction to a damaged ego, rather than because they know what she’s saying is false.

Also - she isn’t talking about everyone with “diagnosed” BPD.

If that’s what she means, then she’s the one who needs to say it, not you. Again, I respect that you have a different view of this, and I understand your perspective, I can’t believe what others say about her intentions and supposed read-between-the-lines distinctions, when she doesn’t say it herself, and the things she says and the way she acts do not communicate what you’re saying about her.

Meaning, there’s a distinction between people who have been diagnosed and are suffering, and people who have been diagnosed (or not) and are cruel and have a total lack of insight and disregard for other people.

Mental health is complicated. You can’t divide people with bpd into two clean categories like that. That’s not how it works. And you CERTAINLY can’t lump people into the “bad” category simply because they don’t like how you talk about their disorder. You can’t see someone objecting to what you’re saying and assume that YOU know that they’re coming from a “total lack of insight.” People are not psychic. Larps is using the fact that some people with pds have a lack of self-awareness to dodge accountability when it’s convenient for her. It’s complete circular logic - something you would think she would be above, no? “they’re irrational, and when they complain about me calling them irrational, I can shut them down by saying that any complaint they make is irrational.” I know I keep saying this, but it’s true. In my first comment, I pointed out that this is her pattern, and what was her response? hashtag have u ever noticed how all these people have personality disorders. fucking exactly what I said her response would be, because that’s the only excuse she has.

And yes, insight is a qualifying factor that “””exonerates”””” (quite a loaded word in this context????) someone from being “really” BPD. The thing about BPD is that they will not (or cannot) change- like it’s not a fixed part of your personality, and if it is- you deserve to be called out, and if it isn’t and you still behave like that… you deserve to be called out, still.

Again, no. If this is the case, then we need to make a second definition to separate “REALLY bpd” from “sorta bpd,” since currently they both meet the same diagnostic criteria. It’s not up to you, or larps, to create definitive new categories of mental illness.

I went from being told I had “borderline tendencies” to being diagnosed with full BPD, to basically nothing at all, because I became aware of those patterns, learned how to be objective about my thoughts and emotions, and practiced resisting them to the point where they only show up if I’m already in a really bad state. I don’t consider myself to have - or to have had - a personality disorder, because I’ve almost completely gotten rid of those mental reactions. But I know people who do have BPD, who are self aware, who are trying the same things I did, but the difference is that even though they now have the tools to keep them in check, those mental and emotional reactions are still present for them, and likely always will be. To say they don’t REALLY have bpd because they’re able to control it is frankly insulting. “If you’ve been able to improve it through treatment, you never really had it in the first place.” I know that’s not how you meant it, but that’s what it boils down to.

BPD is not defined by a lack of self-awareness. It’s a pattern of ingrained emotional and mental reactions (and, subsequently, behaviors). These often develop as a method of self defense against external abuse. Or sometimes there’s no abuse and it’s there anyways. The cause isn’t always clear. But the criteria calling these symptoms “pervasive” doesn’t mean the individual is unaware of them. People who know they have bpd, and who are working on treating their bpd still have bpd.

“...deserve to be called out”... it’s not larps’ business to “call someone out” for having bpd. She can call someone out for acting like a shithead, but simply having bpd is not a flaw that needs to be criticized. Your phrasing makes it seem like that’s what you’re saying, and although I’m pretty sure that’s not what you meant, that’s what larps seems to think.

Not only are neither you nor larps qualified to determine the “category” of bpd that people on the internet who you’ve never met fall into, but even IF that’s how she sees it, then, again, she needs to say that herself, and she needs to reflect that view in the way she treats people.

But to conclude, she really does make that explicitly clear that she doesn’t think everyone with BPD is a “screeching, manipulative, hysteric”.

Where

You made a bunch of excuses for her and I still have no reason to believe any of it is true

However, I’m mostly speaking for myself here because I’ve been hanging around tungle for too long and I mostly want to say that this all doesn’t really matter. Like, so many feminists on here ramble on about “but what about bpd women who get misdiagnosed?” yeah I didn’t face brutality at the hands of snarky women on the internet. These are not the people that even enabled the violence that me or many other women with trauma face.

Again, I didn’t say that. I don’t think she’s destroying lives either, I was just frustrated, saw that many other women are frustrated about her too, and I felt like saying something, so I did. That is the extent of my motivations here. I do think that she is spreading harmful stereotypes and misinformation, but I’m under no delusion that she is causing damage on a massive scale. She is, however, just one more raindrop in the proverbial ocean of mental health stigma. Insignificant as a single drop may be, surely it’s no less significant than any of those people with bpd whose bad behavior you say should be called out. If it’s larps’ business to call them out, then it’s just as much my business to call her out.

It’s not up to her and other women like her to clarify every single thing they say- people DO generalize and we should be able to communicate without having to specify for everyone.

I’m not asking her to clarify “every single thing” she says, I’m asking her to stop acting like a shithead, labeling people she’s never met, acting like she’s an authority on personality disorders, and using her actually wildly skewed perception of these disorders which is steeped in regressive, harmful, and demeaning stigma and stereotypes about mental illness in order to manipulate her way out of being held accountable for any of it. I’m not telling her to stop generalizing for the purpose of communication, I’m asking her to stop making inaccurate generalizations based on stereotypes, and to stop using “cluster b” as a catch-all for bad behavior. Just because someone is a shithead, or unreasonable, or overdramatic, doesn’t make them borderline, and it’s insulting to the people with bpd who are truly good people, who also have to deal with their disorder being an internet trend for self-dx’ers to milk sympathy and excuse their abusive behavior (sounds just like what larps would diagnose as cluster b, I know, but it turns out that many people who don’t have bpd exhibit these traits as well), deal with shitty treatment from healthcare providers who read the diagnosis and think they know everything about you before you even walk in the door (back when I had the ‘full bpd’ diagnosis, a therapist said to my face that people with bpd were considered ‘used goods,’ and my current psychiatrist treats me with an absurd and totally unjustified level of suspicion), deal with the massively pervasive stereotypes everyone else holds about bpd (ranging from ‘serial killer’ to ‘used goods’ to ‘fake trend on the internet to get attention’), as well as dealing with - oh yeah - the actual fucking disorder, as well as often comorbid cases of PTSD, depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc.

I’m just saying, it would be a lot more effective and hurt a lot less people you supposedly didn’t mean to target if you just called out the actual behavior instead of “calling out” a disorder. Additionally, I’m pretty sure that people with bpd who do lack self awareness are far more likely to respond to direct criticisms of their behavioral patterns than they are to respond to the label of bpd being “called out.” They’d just see the latter as more fuel for self-pity. It’s a little harder to justify being the victim of someone saying “hey stop being abusive.”

And if that’s not enough reasons for you, consider: people who have shitty behaviors who don’t have a cluster b disorder (yes, larps, they exist) are just gonna hear criticisms of a disorder they don’t have and brush it right off. Call out the actual behavior, and there’s a chance they might recognize it in themselves. It’s like a quadruple win.

A hallmark of bpd/npd/aspd/hpd is having no insight into that, that people say shit, and you take what you can and leave it-her, or me, or anyone else mincing that up….. doesn’t help bpd women live in a world where nobody is going to mince anything up ever. It did not help me when people coddled me, and I intuitively knew that and was deeply frustrated with it.

You’re right that it doesn’t help to have people make excuses for you or ‘coddle’ you. But not being unfair and pushing harmful stigma is not the same thing as “coddling.” Nor is “not mincing” words the same thing as saying things that are untrue, unfair, dismissive, and insulting. Much like Trump saying blatantly racist things is NOT “just telling it like it is.” (and no I’m not comparing you or larps to trump or calling anyone racist. except trump)

Many of the women who have ‘spoken up’ about larps on tungle, I’ve seen on other mediums (fb, wordpress) and they’re often just blatantly manipulative

Really? Am I being blatantly manipulative? Or insane? And, to reiterate, is what I’ve said on her post enough for her to assume that I - and anyone else raising these issues with her - ALL have personality disorders? Is it justification for her to say that I’m “glorifying” ASPD/BPD?

and will never have any insight to the fact that all of this is really a non-issue

I gave you several examples above, and here's your treasure trove:

https://larpsandtherealgirl.tumblr.com/search/cluster%20b

Notice how she loves agreeing with everyone saying they’ve been abused by someone with a cluster b disorder, or otherwise says something negative about a person/people with a cluster b disorder, makes sweeping generalizations and basically uses “cluster b” with the same tone that you would call someone an asshole - that is to say, using the same logical standards of “you said some shit I thought was rude, so I think you’re an asshole & I’m going to call you one” when talking about psychological medical diagnoses?

Yeah, occasionally she claims she’s only talking about The Bad Ones, but that’s a pretty thin excuse when 99% of the time you make no attempt to differentiate, and post things like screenshotted symptoms (which - if the “good ones” with that disorder actually have that disorder - would apply to the “good ones” too) with captions like “these people are insane.”

Again, I realize you see the things she says very differently from me, but surely you can see where I’m coming from. And I would hope that you can see that my having this perspective does not justify saying I have a personality disorder, that I am insane, or that I am “glorifying” ASPD and NPD. I would hope that the similar shit she’s said about several other women who said things similar to what I said would also strike you as unjustified. You can make excuses that she wasn’t literally diagnosing me with a personality disorder, but you can’t make that excuse every single time she says something like this.

but instead “leave radical feminism because it’s so full of mean lesbian separatists” and make huge texts about it everywhere else and how rfeminism is a cult.

Okay... this is an entirely separate and irrelevant subject and I’m not sure why you’re bringing it up. I mean it sounds like you’re saying “people who don’t like being told they’re insane are just butthurt kek” which I really hope is not what you’re saying. I’m pretty sure there are plenty of radical women who would object to being called insane and having their opinions dismissed because of a mental health diagnosis, who would raise their objections and still believe in their politics, probably due to the fact that - in this context - those things have virtually nothing to do with one another.

My point is- she’s not just saying ppl who criticize her have bpd- they often do because people with personality disorders come out of the woodwork to be hideously angry at anyone who calls them abusive or “wrong” and “bad” (whatever that means at any given moment).

In summary: I appreciate and respect that you interpret the things larps says in a very different way, and I’m not trying to tell you that you should be hurt or anything like that. But I can’t accept what I see as excuses that you’re making for her, since she doesn’t offer any of those explanations herself, and I don’t see any evidence of the intentions you’re attributing to her, in her own words or behavior.

At the end of the day, larps is the only person who can speak for larps’ intentions (much like the people whose criticisms larps deflects by claiming they’re motivated by irrational emotion and a threatened victim complex SHOULD be the only ones who can speak for their intentions).

And at the end of the day, larps didn’t show anything but disrespect and a total unwillingness to even consider that the way she speaks to, and treats, people with bpd and people who criticize her portrayal and internet-diagnosing of bpd, might not be 100% faultless.

At the end of the day, larps read what I had to say about her dismissive attitude and manipulative, circular justification for avoiding accountability. Her response was to double down on calling people with borderline “insane,” and double down on her own belief that googling a list of symptoms makes her an expert on psychology, as well as an expert on the thoughts in other peoples’ heads. She used the exact circular, dismissive excuse I was calling out, yet again said that the people criticizing her were all doing so because of their - well “our,” I should say, since she diagnosed me - personality disorders, rather than their actual thoughts, opinions, and perfectly reasonable objections. And then she answered a bunch of messages laughing about how crazy and terrible “cluster b”s are. No, she didn’t literally say “EVERY SINGLE PERSON with bpd is like this,” but come on. She’s not the only person who can recognize patterns of behavior.

#long post

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