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tniapi · 7 years

Text

The rape

He was my brother. I was his little sister. My first memories of him were when i was 4 years old. He put me on the handle bars of his bannana bike and took me for a ride. He had barely been out of training wheels, but he was good on a bike. Mick was good at everything. I squealed the whole time. I had lots of rides on that bike after that, but was the first time. I was wearing a red dress. I remember that because it matched the color of the bike. I loved the wind blowing in my hair. Mick rode me down to gate ro the quary and then back to the house. I giggled as Mick helped me off the bike. My next memory of him was the day that he walked me to the bus stop because mama was sick. He was always so sweet to me and I adored him. At the bus stop he let me sit on his lap. My sister, Sara, was a year younger than me. We played continually. Sometimes we played with barbies and sometimes. we played house. If we were outside we played fort. Mick was great at outside play. He could make the best forts and come up with the best ideas. I was always an indian. I never minded being an Indian. Indians got to wear feathers and carry a bow and arrow. If it was summer, i wore my bathing suit and put a small towel in the bottoms to look like a loin cloth. Sara was usually an Indian too, but sometimes Mick made her the fair maiden. During the warmer months, we played outside. Mom would lock us out of the house. I don't remember being upset about that. I loved being outdoors. Sara got upset sometimes, and would hang on the door begging mama to let her in. We lived in the country, surrounded by woods and cow fields. Our house was small. It was a woodframe house that had seen better days. There were two bedrooms, one bathroom, a xining room with a huge oil stove for heating and big kitchen whose cabinets were barely post WW1. The floors throughout were beautiful golden pine. It was the one feature of the house that I appreciated as a kid. There were two bedrooms. One was very long and not at all like a bedroom. The other was a normal room. That room belonged to mama and daddy. The long room was where Mick, myself and Sara slept. As I got older I became intensely embarrassed about sharing a room with Mick, nut when I was younger, I kind of liked it. Mick hated it from the beginning. The beginning was when we moved in. I was probably 5 years old. Mick was 7. I don't know if being out in the country made it worthwhile to him in any way, but for me, I would have lived with 10 more kids in my bedroom in order to have the wonderful country to play in. Even though we were often kicked outside to play we were well taken care by mama. We had snacks provided and good lunches. I am sure that we were allowed in to potty, but we often peed in the woods. I never saw Mick pee, but one of the neighborhood boys, Johnny Chris talked Sara and I into peeing in front of him. He promised to pee for us too. Sara refused to pee. Mama kept us in dresses back then, so it was pretty easy to hike up my dress, pull my panties down and pee. I was't shy, then.or ever. Johnny made me hold up my dress so that he could see. That was a little hard. Then Johnny peed in front of Sara and me. He was only 3 years older than us but we thought he was an awful big boy. He was twice the size of Mick. He held his penis while he peed. Sara and I stared in facination and giggled. He wiggled his penis around and acted like he was going to pee on us. We ran away. We never did that again. Mostly because Johnny went and told his brother Jimmy. Jimmy and his friend followed Sara and me around, taunting us and calling us dirty. "Andrea pulled her panties down". I was ashamed then! Sara and I never talked about it, but I always knew that I had let her down. I think that she finally forgot it, afterall, Jimmy never made fun of her. I steered clear of Jimmy for a long time. Daddy wasn't around when I was younger. He was a big scary person that came into my life in the evenings. He sat in his big chair and drank beer. Mick would sit beside him like as if he were a man himself. I hated Mick for that. Pretending to be what he wasn't. Mama made Sara and me help in the kitchen. I hated kitchen chores then and I hate them now. Sara never minded. She liked heping mama, while I did everything that I could to escape. I felt outside of it all even at a young age. Sometime we sat around and played games. Clue was our favorite game, but we also played monopoly, and aggravation. Mick and Sara and I played cards by ourselves. I was never good enough to beat Mick, but I beat Sara every time. I didnt learn to let her win until I was a bit older. I didn't even feel bad when she cried. Mick started hunting with daddy when he 8 years old. I couldn't go. I never thought about the killing part of it. I threw a fit the first time that Mick went off with daddy. I stuffed my head in my pillow and cried. Sara came and cuddled with me. I was not consolible. Mama ignored me mostly and that hurt even worse i finally recovered and took off outside without Sara. I sat in the woods in my our fort and thought up all kninds of evil punishments. I imagined myself an indian and Mick a captured cowboy. I had him stripped down to his long Johns and tied to a stake. There was some satisfaction in that fantasy. The burning of that stake woth him on caused a sick feeling in my stomach so i let that part go. Mick came home that night proud as a damed peacock. I was so angry at him that i refused to listen to him. Daddy was pretty proud of hin too. Nick had shot at a rabbit. He had missed the rabbit so I didn't understand why daddy was so proud of him. I wasn't proud of him at all. Shooting at a helpless bunny! I told him so too. I said; "Mick Why'd you shoot at a bunny. He didnt do nothin to you." Mick scowled at me. But I think he was thinking about what I said. I was glad to put a damper on that adventure. Mick went every weekend from that day on intol hinting season was done. I cried a few more times, but mostly i spent the hours that he was away roasting hom in various heinous ways. My favorite was boiling tar. My stomach quickly hardened to the many ways of torturing Mick. One night, when he and daddy came home I was bwing particularly sputeful and I let it slip that Mick looked real good in pot of hot pine tar, and that as soon as i found some good feathers I was going to stick them all over him and up his privates. Daddy over heard me and asked me to repeat myself. I wouldnt do it. So he got out a bar of soap and cut a little piece of and stuck it in my mouth. I had to stand in a corner like that, with the soap between my teeth to keep it from touching my tongue. For those of youwho have never had a bar of soap in your mouth, it is hot on your tongue and it makes lots of spit in your mout which makes the soap foam and sting worse. I hated everybody that night. From that point on, daddy made little conments about how vindictive i was. I always figured him right. I wouldn't tell anyone but i did feel bad about my mean fantasies but I couldn't help myself. And then i would feel bad because I couldnt help myself. Sara in contrast to me was super sweet. She never got mad when I said hurtful things. Except the time that really did tie her up. I tied her up.amd i left her. Mick found her an hour later. I didn't think that it would take long for her to get out of my knots. But, i did leave her alone, tied to that big old cedar tree that we used to climb. She didn't speak to me for a whole day. Mick didn't speak to me for a week. No one ever told mama or daddy. I might have been grateful for that if I hadn't been so consumed with my own self and Mick's appaling treatment of me. Christmas was always special. Mama and daddy loved to surprise us. They always made us think that we weren't getting whatever it was that we wanted, and thenwe would get it. Our wishes weren't very grand. We didn't spend time in front of a TV set and when we did, commercials were not what they are today. I was on a high cloud when I got a beauty shop doll whith her own chair and curlers. Mick usually got cowboy stuff and cars. One year he got a train set. Daddy apent a lot of time settibg that trai setup for him. I don't remember Mick playing withot too much. I thought it was really boring after the first few times that I was allowed to run it. Sara always got baby dolls and stuffed animals. And then one christmas, things changed and we got clothes and record albums and perfume. Mick got his own gun. We never noticed the change because somehow we had changed too. Mama and daddy changed too. The christmas that I was in 8th grade daddy had an affair. We all knew about it because of the fights, and then daddy moved out. I didn't miss him, but Mick and Sara did. We didn't have a good christmas again after that. We got plenty of stuff, its just that nobodybwas happy anymore. Daddy would come and get us and take us someplace that usually bored us. He didn't hunt so much and Mick resented that. Mick was in 10th grade and daddy finally started hunting again. He had broken up with Helen and as he said, “his time was his own.” That was the year that Mick killed his first deer. I hated him for that amd i made him know it. There was a river near our home. We would race down to the river in the hot months as soon as we were finished with school. Mama had started working at Roses and daddy was rarely home until late. When were were still in grade school, mama had no idea that we went down to the river. We didn't swim so good back then, so we rarely got wet above our knees except when it was really hot and then we just sat in the shallow areas. One summer we met some kids that were a little older and they could swim. We followed them into the deeper areas. We all learned to swim that summer. The other kids swam in their underpants so that their moms wouldn't know that they had been in the river. We started doing the same, We never swam in our clothes after that. When i was about 10 years old, long after the peeing thing had died down, Johnny and Jimmy found us in the water in our underpants. Instead of making fun of us they joined us in the river. That summer 3 other kids joined us, the MacKenzie girls and Robert. Robert was queer. We didn't really know what that meant but that is what the boys called him so us girls called him that too. Sometimes we called him that to his face and he qould get mad and stoem offn but most of the time we were nice to him. Us girls kind if stayed off by ourselves because the boys were too rough. We giggled over the sight of 9f the boys in their BVDs. Sometimes their Penises stuck out like they had their finger in their underwear pointing with it. None of us girls had boobies but we still kept our arms folded over our chests or kept our bodies hid under water. If the boys made fun of us, i never heard it. Mick got a crush on Shawna MacKenzie. I hated that. He acted like a fool. Carrying on; doing stupid stunts in the water, and running up and down the river's beach. One day, he climbed a tree that was growing at the edge of the water and sort of walked and crawled out over the water on a fat limb. I screamed at him like a fool to get his stupid butt down. When he thought that he was out far enough, he jumped into the water. It made a huge splash. What a showoff he was! Then all of the boys were scrambling up the tree, except for Robert. Shawna MacKenzie jouned them. When she managed to make it up the tree, and jumped off successfully, I decided to give it a try. Getting up the tree in just my underpants was not the easiest thing to do. I got scrapped and rubbed by the bark. But I made it to the limb, and then i was afraid to go out on the limb. Jimmy started it. He started yelling "chicken liver, chicken liver"! Even Mick joined in. I had a choice, go back down the tree the same way i came up or jump into the water. The problem was, i had to walk out onto the limb. It was a fat limb; but it was pretty high off the water. It didn't get deep enough to jump for about 10 feet. I started walking, then I sat down and scooted out. The horrible bark hurt. When i go out far enough, I stood up and grabbed my nose and jumped. It was deep. I came up sputtering and flailing. Mick was there. He grabbed me and drug me by one hand to shallow water. I didnt go up the tree again. Shawna and Camille both managed it every now and then, but mostly we girls just watched. One daym, when we arrived at our spot someone had tied a big fat rope to a higher tree limb on the same tree. It had a knot at one end and you could jump onto it from the bank and swing out over the water. We all got very good at that. We stood, or sat on the knot and swung. Sometimes we dorpped into the water, and sometimes we landed gracefully back on the bank. About this time we girls started wearing swimsuits. Once in a.while we would find ourselves down at the water without a swimsuit and we would strip to our underwear which began to include first training bras and then real bras. The boys still swam in their BVDs. We became aware that the boys had done some growing of their own. They didn't seem shy and often tried to flash something at us. Robert was the odd boy out. He began spending more time with us girls. We became very fond of him even though we thought that he was queer. I had was not use to seeing Mick naked, and he certainly wasn't use to seeing Sara and me naked. We never talked about it the river and our freedom with our bodies. And as we became more aware of our differences we we became shyer about it. Underwear and bras were one thing, nudity was another. So it was surprising when we finally did get curious with each other. It began the winter that daddy left. Mama was working night hours. Mick was watching us. We had been playing house and having our normal games but I guess we got bored. Mick out of the blue suggested a game called strip tease. I knew what a strip tease was and so did Sara. But it brougjt a level if excitement to a very boring afternoon. Mick put a record on. We did understand the idea if a strip tease. He wanted to just watch, but I said that either we all do it or none of us do it. I wasn't getting burned on that one again. Mick went into the bedroom that we shared and Sara and I went into the bathroom. Sara and i stripped out of our clothes. We wiggled out of our jeans and scrunched our jeans and panties under our feet. Our tops pulled of easily, but we had to undo each other's bras. I was very nervous and more than a little exited. The mirror on the bathroom door showed two pre-pubescent girls cuddled close in the tight bathroon. When we were ready, Sara hollered out to Mick to go. Mick came running through the kitchen and dining room, and we ran in from the opposite direction. We ran around the house like monkeys let loose. I didnt really pay much attention to Mick but his naked white skin nearly glowed. His penis stuck straight out and bobbed a all over. Sara and I had a rightious giggle over that. Mick climbed on the table and paraded to the music. It was very titillating. I couldnt wait to join him. Sara sat down and said that she would be our audience. I went into the bedroom and wrapped a scarf around me and then ran out to the dining room. I jumped up on the table with Mick and paraded around just like he did, except i had the scarf to play with and make it like a real strip tease. Tge table was metal framed and a bit rickety. We are lucky we didn't break it, but we were quite small back then. We did strip teases like that until Mick and I really started developing. I don't recall when we actually stopped, but one day we didn't do it anymore. Maybe it was when daddy left. Lots of things changed then. I felt shame about the strip teases, but I still missed it when we stopped and so sometimes Sara and I would play strip tease but it wasnt exciting and we finally got bored with it and didn't do it anymore. I started riding horses. Maryanne Abernathy had a big fat pony. She lived about 3 farms down the road. One day she stopped at the house and hung out all day with her fat pony who only wanted to eat grass. I got a ride that day and then couldn't stop after that. We became best friends in the way that girls do when you each have something that the other would really like to have. She had a.fat pony and I had a cute brother. Well, she said he was cute. To me he was a red headed freaky looking aggravation who bossed me around all the time. Maryanne was suddenly at our house all the time. I didnt have to walk to the river anymore. We rode fat pony with Maryanne in front and me behind. As i got better at riding marryanneet me ride in front. We never walked. Fat pony loved to run, so we ran. Somerines other kids were at the river sometimes they weren't. If it was warm, we swam. If it was cold, we raced up and down the beach. That pony could fly! I was 14 the year I got my first kiss. Rodney Jones kissed me at his birthday party. It might have been the best kiss of my life. It went on for half the party. We were sitting in chairs in a room that had been cleared for dancing. No one was dancing. Someone turned out the lights. I think it was his older sister. His mom was there and everything, but no one seemed to care. As soon as the ligjts wet out Rodney kissed me. It was sweet and exciring and very erotic. It wasn't the first time I had been aroused, the strip tease had been like that and other things had been like it, but it was the first time thay I had had contact with another person that caused arousal. I was one long kiss that didnt end until the party ended. My lips were so swollen and numb, that I had trouble talking. That opened a door. From that point on, I wanted to kiss. I babysat for Janet Williams. She had problems with her husband. He was a cop and whenever they went out drinking he got rough with her. One time I went overbto babysit and there was a busted alarm clock in the rrash. Janet told me that she had had enough and wben her Husband, Anthony had gone to sleep, she had busted rje clock over his head. I always had trouble visualizing that. It seemed to me that that much damage would cause someone to go to the hospital. Her kids were real sweet, i said a special prayer for them that night. Janet loaned me Led Zeppelin's album, the one with immigrant song on it. I loved music. If I liked something, i would play it into the ground. Janet had 2 horses, Amber and Spot. She let me ride Amber any rime that I wanted. Sometimes, if Anthony would watch the kids, we would ride together. Mostly though, I rode Amber with Maryanne and Fat pony. Janet also had a brother, Jason, who came to visit during the summer. He was 17 the summer that I was 13 and I had a huge crush on him. We rode together often with him riding spot and me riding Amber. The second time we rode together we went to the old mansion. We stopped at the little house that I always thought of as the caretakers house. The mansion was a pit in the ground, mostly. It was the ruins of civil war mansion that had burned. The little house was probably where the original inhabitants had to live after the war. Or maybe carpet baggers stole the property and lived there. Jason and I were sitting on a windowsill that should have had a window in it, but didn't. There weren't any windows, like as if the house had never been completed. Maybe it hadn't. So, we were sitting there and I started teasing him about something. Suddenly he was lunging for me, and I ran sqealing. I ran into 9 the house but I didn't get far because he caufht mw in the first interior room. He apun me around and kissed me. My arms went around him and he backed me up against the wall. I was already tall but Jason was about 6 foot. He pressed his body into me and mine pressed back into him. I don't know why we didn't stay like that forever. It was the best moment ever. I thougjt Rodney's kiss was the best but this was far better. I never stopped wanting kisses and a man's body pressed against me after that. We rode often and kissed often, but never as often as I wanted. I discovered that he was kissing Maryanne and Shawna. That embarrassed me a bit, and confused men but I couldn't stop letting him kiss me. He wwas so cute and si nice. The last time i kissed him, we had gone down to the river. We settled down under the trees. The leaves were very comfortable and sweet smelling. “” Jason kissed me and then he put his hand under my shirt and felt my boobies. His fingers worked under my bra. His fingers were roughn but it felt really good. He pulled his hand out and then he began unbuttoning my shirt. I helped with that. He tried to undo my bra, but he couldn't manage, so I did that part. And then my bare boobies were out. It felt so good. He put his mouth on me and sucked on them. And another door opened. I never stopped wanting a man's mouth on my nipples either. We were both a little over our heads into it when suddenly a fawn struggled by. Her foot was a bit mangled and she was limping. Jason tried to catch her but she ran off. After we gave up on catching her, we were settling back down in the leaves and there Shawna comes down the beach towards us. I pieced myself back together and smiled broadly at her as she came to sit with us. I knew that she had come ro find us. A week later Jason went back home and I went on with babysitting Janet's kids. I never stopped missing Jason. In some ways, he was the sweetest thing that ever happened to me. Maryanne and i began doing everything together. She got over her crush on my stupid brother. She developed a major crush on a kid that was in high school. Sara had begun hanging out with her own friends. She was a little ahead of me in some things, even though she was a year younger. She was going steady with Jimmy Smith, the same kid that we had peed in front of. I was still a little awkward around him, but Sara seemed just fine. Sara tried pot before I did. Jimmy taught her yo smoke it. Maryanne and I caught them out back by the cow pasture one evening after we got back from a ride to the beach on Fat pony. They were stoned and giggling and acting like idiots. Maryanne took the joint from Sara and put it to he lips and inhaled, blowing it out the way we did our cigarettes. Jimmy took it from her and showed her how to do it. He talked with all the air and smoke held inside his lungs. He handed the joint to me. I knew all about Marijuana. We had plenty of drug training in school. I was very curious and more than a little annoyed that Sara was smoking it before i had. So I copied what Jimmy had done. Then Maryanne got it right. We smoked 2 joints with Jimmy and Sara. Then things got a.little strange. I felt like I wasn't really in my body. Mom eventually sent Mick to find us. By that time the smoke had cleared. We walked or rather floated towards the house. Maryanne and I giggled over the stupidest stuff. We laughed over Sara and Jimmy holding hands and we laughed over the way Mick walked. When we reached the house, Maryanne and Jimmy left us, presumsbly to go home but i discovered later that she and Jimmy had gone off and made out with each other. I never told Sara about that. Partly because Jimmy made out with me too every time he got me alone. I followed Sara and Mick inside where mom had dinner waiting. I giggled all through dinner. Sara was being a little paranoid and kept trying to shut me up, but then she would start giggling too. If Mick had caught on, he never said. Mom left us to do the dishes and went off to her room. We didn't do the dishes so good. When I finally got my jammies, which consisted of one of dad's old t-shirts, on, I lay on my bed and floated. I fell asleep before the high wore off. For our first time getting high, Maryanne and I had gotten pretty high. I loved it and another door opened for me. From that point on, I wanted to get high and make out with boys. Tammy Merthers got high alot. She said so on the bus every day. She did smack. I didn't know what smack was then, and today I still have to look it up. I doubt that she really knew what she was talking about, but those kids really ran faster than we did. Tammy got caught behind the school giving a blow job to Terrence Williams. Jessie Jones and I hung out at school a lot. She brought her mother's pills to school and shared them with me. We took them and then slept through our classes. I didn't attend class much that year. I was off with whoever would cut class with me. I was high every day. Sometimes it was booze, sometimes it was whatever drugs were going around. I had sex for the first time fthat year. Jessie and I cut class one day. We met a kid that was 2 grades higher than us. We were still in 9th grade. His name was David Huck. He had been suspended for taking a bike chain to school durring a civil rights riot. We hung out at his house all day. The day after meeting him we went to his house. No one was home. Somehow we wound up on his parents big water bed. That was a cool thing. We sat on the bed and drank his dad's beer. We hadn't had much beer when he and Maryanne started kissing. I sat there trying to look cool with my beer. When David came up for air, he looked at me and then pulled me to him. He managed to get us to take our shirts off. Neither of us wore bras because almost no one did anymore. He played with our boobies and we let him while we drank our beer. He didn't try to do anything else. But we wrestled around and played tickle games for a while. Then Maryanne made me get ready to go because we had to catch the school bus back home. I didn't see David again for a long time. One night when I was over at my dad's he had invited a couple of marines over. One of them was very young. He was a cute guy, but he was missing a finger. He must have been bored with my dad because he and I wound up ouside sitting on my dad's car. Actually I was sitting on the car and he was leaning against it beside me. I was only 15, but I guess I could entertain a young man of 20 pretty easily. We were joking aroung and I was giggling at something he said and suddenly he leaned around and kissed me. We spent the next hour kissing with my legs wrapped around him. I never saw him again. He was sweet, but his missing finger was a little weird for me at the time. I don't think that he was into drugs either. By the time that I was 15, i didn't want to go out with anyone that was straight. I met another guy at my dad's. His name was Mike Simmons. He was 21. He was the cutest guy I had ever met. I think I fell in love the moment I met him. On our first date, my dad loaned him his mustang to take me out. We went to his friend's trailer and we got high. No one was home. We wound up with me on the couch and him on top of me. When he put his hand up my shirt and touched my boobie, I froze. I froze solid, i couldn't move. It took him a minute to realize that something was wrong. He asked me if I had ever done this before. I had, sort of, and I told him that I had never gone all the way. He kissed me some more and took my top off. He sucked on my boobies, but I was so nervous about displeasing him that I couldn't relax. It was always like that. Mike took me out every weekend after that. Sometimes he borrowed a buddies car. I would stand at the window and cry when he didn't come. My indoctrination into sex was a methodical thing for him. It didn't feel natural to me and I was often paralyzed with fear and some revulsion. Most often we were on a bed in someones house or trailer. Once in a while we were at my dad's house if he happened to be out of town. My dad was totally clueless. I don't know if he assumed I was a virgin or if he assumed that I was more worldly than I was. Probably the later, knowing my dad. He never had a clue that this 21 year old man was systematically raping me.l Sometimes we got high with people and sometimes we got high alone. It was just pot for me, but i watched him shoot something between his toes sometimes. Mike taught me how to touch him. He taught me how to hold his dick. He insisted that I call it a dick. I didn't want to call it anything. He sucked on my boobies, which he called tits. He was good at that and i liked it. He tried to teach me to enjoy having my clit sucked on. Only he called it something that I am still not comfortable saying. I barely understood that I had a clit. When his mighty efforts prooved fruitless and I hadn't achieved an orgasm, he told me to explore my body and figure out what worked. I eventually did that, but it took a very long time. Mike taught me how to give him a blow job. I didn't like doing that and I gagged often. I didn't complain because I thought that we wete engaged. I thought he loved me. He gave me a ring and he gave me his leather jacket. That leather jacket smelled like him. I turned 16. Past the statuatory rape age in NC. I didn't know that, and I certainly would not have thought that there was a connection. Sara and I were at my dad's house. We were watching his dog for him for the weekend. Mike showed up about 5 in the afternoon. We went to bed in my dad's room. We locked Sara out. He stripped sll of my clothes and his clothes off. I was very nervous because Sara kept asking what we were doing in there. I am sure that he tried to get me aroused, but it wasn't working for me. Finally he just got between my legs and he started to push his dick into me. I told him no. I told him no several times. He continued to push so hard and it hurt so bad, that I cried. In the end he came violently and then lay flat over top of me. I about suffocated. I just cried because I hurt. My feelings were hurt and my body was hurt. After he left, I called Maryanne and told her what I had done. A week later she lost her virginity to a boy that she didn't even know. Neither if us said that we had been forced a d I don't know if she was, but it was very likely. After that evening, mike "fucked" me all the time. I still had to suck his dick, but not as often. He still sucked my "tits" and my clit with as much vigor as ever and I liked it as much as ever, which means that I was never completely comfortable with him touching me like I had been with Jason or David. I was out of my league with Mike. He was too old and too experienced for me, in spite of my attempt to act all mature and sophisticated. One day, at the beginning of summer, he left me. He went back to his home, the one he had before joining the Marine corp. I didn't know he was leaving and I wasnt told that he was gone. A friend of his told me. He pittied me. I hated that. Still, I cried for a long time. And then, I hated men for an even longer time. I failed 9th grade.it was really easy to do. I didn't show up. Maryanne faied too. I cared on some level but it didnt really register. I was drinking and drugging a lot by that time. The experience with Mike was a factor. My mom and dad separating was factor. Me just being angry was a big factor. And then, there is also the part of me that loves adventure. I would have blasted into adulthood no maret what. Ibran away from my moms and chose ro live with my dad. He didn't care what I did. I started.going out with a series of different guys. I kept a list. I fucked every one of them. The ones that wanted more than sex, I thought weak and childish. I cut class one day in my second year of 9th grade by myself. I ran into David. We were walking back to his house and suddenly found ourselves making out. We fucked on the path. If someone had come along i don't know how much I would have cared. I think that david cared. But really, that was a sweet time for me. And then one day, i didn't want to do that anymore. I wanted to finish school and go to college. I left that life. By the time that I went to 10th grade I was hanging around a good crowd. I didn't want sex. I didn't want drugs. I still drank a.little from tome to time. I stayed with my dad. It was quieter there. Mick wasn't there. Mick had got just as angry as me and he had become really hard to be around. Sara came over and stayed with me sometimes. She didn't go off the deep end like Mick and I had. She was in the same grade as me. She was going out with a nice kid that was new to the school. And then one day, i went to mom's to hang out with Sara mostly, but Mick too. Mom was working. The house was really quiet. I walked into our bedroom. And there was Mick and Sara laying on separate beds talking. It was a sweet scene but I didn't want anything to do with it. One day Mick and I were alone at the house. We were drinking beer that mom's boyfriend had left in the fridge. We were in the kitchen i was leaning against the small kitxhen table, and we were a little tipsy. I don't know how the subject came up but Mick asked to see my tits. I thought about it. He was a year older than me, I am sure that he had already seen other girl's tits, besides, he was my brother. I said that to him. He said that he just wanted to see. Mick could be a pathetic begger when he really wanted something. He begged, and pleaded and said that it was just a peak.I was getting extreamly excited just discussing it, butn i am sure the beer played into it too. So I raised my shirt all of a sudden and flashed my braless tits to him. His face turned red. I always loved it when I had the upperhand with a guy. But seeing my big brother like that just undid me totally. God, his face, i woll always hold that as a best memory. Without anymore prompting, I slowly lifed my shirt and took it off. Mick didn't move. He was a deer in the headlights. My body was throbbing all over. I couldn't have stopped if it had occurred to me. It didn't occur to me. Mick croaked and then cleared his throat a bit and with a little more control he asked “”me shyly to take my pants off too. I did. I stood there, self conscious of my thick black pubic hair. He didn't move a muscle. He just looked at me with a very hungry look. His blue eyes looked black. He hadn't seen me naked since my strip tease with him several years prior. His body was still scrawny with a little bit of muscle developing in his middle area and shoulders. My body was full. My tits were big and round. My hips and butt were curvy, but not fat. He just stared. Finallyn I asked him if he was done looking. He very courageously asked if he could touch me. I wasnt sure how i felt about that. Suddenly, I didn't have a choice. Mick was across the room and grabbing for me. He sank his mouth onto my tits with a hunger that I had never seen in a guy. My body couldn't help but respond. I pressed my naked body into him. My pelvis meeting his hard penis through his pants. I pressed harder. His lips came up to meet mine. We were no longer brother and sister. We were more, but we were still brother and sister. It was exciting beyond belief. He pushed me onto the table, then yanked his shirt off. I didn't think about stopping until he started pulling his pants off. Suddenly his penis surrounded by all that red hair sobered me. His penis was big and red and hard. My hand went to it defensively. I could move this in several different directions or I could lose control. Mick didnt give me a chance ro shift the direcrion of things. He pinned me ro the table and as soon. as I opened my mouth to protest, his lips were on me. Then his penis pushed into me as his legs forced mine apart. I squirmed and protested louder. His lips locked on mine again and then he was inside me. It was a rape. But that was open to interpretation I suppose. I feel better saying it was rape, but It wasn't much force. I was so hot that my body was totally betraying me. He slammed into me so hard that i yelped. And again and again. He didn't come right away. And as he got more physical with his thrusts my body quivered and shook and I had my first vaginal orgasm. When he came, we clung to each other, our bodies so hot and sweaty that we were slippery together. Mick burried his head in my neck and cried. I cried too. We clung together for a long time. We ended with him gently petting my body all over in shear amazement. A Bj

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