#and it isn't being that out of shape it's like. i prommy

[suncaptor]

like I don't want PEM it shouldn't be a thing :( but it would explain SO much. but like the way I improve is obsessive overextension of myself and also it's necessary for how I've lived my life like what do you want from me :( I need to cure it so i cure the rest!

#it would make SO much sense but the idea is sooooooo upsetting :( #"Patients need to be advised about “push and crash” cycles: patients sometimes respond to having a “good day” by subsequently doing too muc #and then relapsing.' #'may also experience triggering or worsening of symptoms when moving to and/or maintaining an upright posture.' #what if i died forever #also the way mental exertion is included and also adhd pills can cause relapse bc someone pushes themself on it :*( SHUT UP FOREVER #like it's so upsetting like girl i have adhd i need to be capable of functioning in intense bursts or I'll die #but also none of the ways i used to be able to compensate work anymore so it's not. it's not like. it's not like. #but i just want it to be my fault so it can be in my control :( tell me i need to exercise MORE #do MOREEEEEEE #maybe I should try it again like be really really focused on it #like these symptoms ARE since the covid vaccine. like if i had them before it was a fraction of the degree #so what if i meticulously over extended myself and worked my body for a few weeks on end and just SEE how much I crash? #(says the guy who can't make to his class bc by the time he gets there he crashes often literally just passes out :/) #UGHHHHH #and it isn't being that out of shape it's like. i prommy #though I am sure I could be in more shape since that always happens #i bet i could WIN if I tried hard enough #against the PEM symptoms #like if i tried HARD enough surely i could bypass it and win #right right right right right (is insane) #i cannot live my life like this #delete #vent