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#and is the mosquito in the room with us right now? or whether the funniest is his absolute death glare illustrating where the mosquito
possession1981 · 1 year
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12 days of Cobmas (aka cleaning my drafts) 2/12 ➤ In which mosquitoes are a very serious threat
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aerialflight · 5 years
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BTS fic recs (or: a continuation with less magic!aus but there still is some on this list)
It’s been around six months and I’m again sucked into the BTS fandom, mostly because of the BTS World album and game. Seriously, how they manage to spit out so many songs so fast is amazing. And you can thank my dad for getting me back into the fandom cause he is just as obsessed as I am about BTS, which I find hilarious and my mom long-suffering XD.
Anyway, so I’m recommending yet another list that has cumulated over the months, some recommended to me by @onceabluemoonwrites (thank you for the recs and continuing to spur my obsession) and those I stumbled upon and ended up loving. Hope you all enjoy and I apologize that there aren’t as many magic!aus in advance, but there still is some since it wouldn’t complete without it!
-
girls just want to have fun by fitzgarbage
Ship: Suga/J-Hope
“Namjoon told me you’d probably be haunting a corner. I didn’t know what he meant, but I think I get it now.” He’s breathing hard. “I knew you right away. You look really good, by the way.”
(suga is transgender, he's a she in this fic. suga is amazing and the background ships had me invested and oh man, this is one of those fics that steal your heart if you let it.)
Stars Lost in the Sea by smiles
Ship: Jin/Suga
2018 In a desperate attempt to overcome his writer's block, Kim Seokjin rents a cottage by the sea on a remote island in the southern part of Korea for the summer, intent on successfully completing a story.
1933 Min Yoongi spends his nights tending the lighthouse, providing a light on the horizon for lost sailors to navigate safely, all the while feeling lost by himself, a lightkeeper without a guiding light.
There are some people who are meant to cross paths, even if it means time itself must bend to accommodate them.
(editor!Jimin is high strung and gungho and this alone made me fall for this fic for giving me this. this story is the definition of ‘star-crossed lovers’, i was rooting for them so hard. bless.)
rumour has it (but maybe it'd be better to just ask me) by Curionenene 
Ship: Jimin/RM
"Tae! I think Kim Namjoon asked me out on a date?”
That, makes Taehyung look away from his phone for once. “The Kim Namjoon? Sex on walking stilts, Kim Namjoon?”
“No, Kim Namjoon who’s my cousin third removed. Of course, the Kim Namjoon, you walnut.”
“Walnuts are actually really good for brain development.” Taehyung says distractedly before he frowns. “Wait, Kim Namjoon is your cousin?”
-
(Or: Namjoon and Jimin like each other, Taehyung and Hoseok are great friends, Seokjin and Jungkook aren't as great, and Yoongi is paid far too little for this.
Oh, and there are rumours. Supposedly, Namjoon is a sex god. Everyone is saying it, so it must be true.
Spoilers: it's not.)
(you know those fics that has gloriously disasterous characters that makes you feel like you’re less of a mess than they are? this is it. this is your pick up fic. so pick it up please.)
jack i'm flying! by ameliabedelias  
(honestly though, this author has written some of the funniest bts fics i’ve ever read, definitely recommend)
Ship: Jin/Jimin
“Are they okay?” A concerned booze cruise attendant walks by. “They’re not gonna jump, are they?”
“Please, just ignore them,” Hoseok sighs, flopping into one of the deck lounge chairs as Seokjin and Jimin get into position. “They’ve been doing this for three years now. It's kind of their thing.”
//
Or, five times Seokjin and Jimin do the Titanic Pose™.
(this fic is proof that this is the most chaotic pairing i’ve ever seen the sheer chaos man i’m not kidding. this is gold. solid gold.)
you are so gorgeous it makes me so mad by ameliabedelias  
Ship: Jimin/RM
Park Jimin is Instagram famous. Or he was, until Kim Namjoon walked into one of his pictures and stole the spotlight. 
(same author as previously, i just had to people this fic is incredible. jimin is characterized so beautifully here. the title alone should make you want to read it.)
light at the end by fruitily
(you don’t know what you were missing in life until you read their fics)
Ship: Jin/Jungkook
death follows jungkook. death is crashing at his place and not paying rent. death is eating all of his cinnamon toast crunch.
(seokjin is not death. he’s just the guy who’s nice enough to take you to the last stop.)
(i cried tears of laughter enough to fill a lake. jin is a grim reaper. yes. you heard me right. and jungkook has to deal with it. its amazing.)
in all dishonesty by fruitily
Ship: Suga/V
while taehyung is trying to figure out whether or not min yoongi wants to stab him with a fountain pen, they find out they make an excellent team when it comes to board games.
(this gave me so many flashbacks to when i was a kid. they are perfect for each other and my brother laughed so much when i read him a few lines. because he is a cheating cheater who lies and is very impressed by this pair. you'll see what i mean.)
can't get it up without you by Curionenene
(i love their fics. LOVE)
Ship: Jin/Suga
“Actually,” Seokjin speaks up then, because it looks like Yoongi's friends are having a hard time believing him. “I think the most dramatic one was when we literally tried to migrate to escape each other, but our planes went down, and we both drifted to the same deserted island.”
Now even Taehyung looks incredulous. “You're kidding.”
“No. We ended up fucking just so we could hasten the process and go onto the next life. Because the mosquitos there? Worse than death.”
“Wait…” Jimin says slowly. “You mean you actually die?”
~*~
(Or: Yoongi and Seokjin are soulmates. They hate each other.)
(the summary should be enough incentive to be honest, but yeah, if you want to die laughing, please read this. p l e a s e.)
So Collapse, Fall. by Curionenene
Ship: Jungkook/V
“Mmm… but what was it that made you decide to come back?” Seokjin rephrases.
Taehyung glances at Jungkook, and deliberately, his lips twitch up into a smirk, eyes darkening just a little bit. “I’m a human after all. Foolish. Figuring out my intentions shouldn’t be rocket science.”
For a moment, the other three in the room just stare at him. Taehyung doesn’t let the stares unnerve him, only deciding to cock his head to one side, eyebrow raised as the silence drags on. And then finally it breaks when Jimin shakes his head before letting out a true blue giggle, “well. He’s interesting at least.”
-
(or: Jungkook is a god, Taehyung just wants to be his friend. They both end up as something more.)
(i actually usually don't get into this pairing (surprising since this pairing is actually the most popular on ao3), but the worldbuilding and magic pulled me in.)(laugh and point at me for finding another magic fantasy fic. i won't blame you.)(i love v's characterization in this. he's delightfully complicated and straightforward and manipulative in a good way? i know it sounds weird, but you'll know what i mean when you read it.)
you say witch like it's a bad thing by Curionenene
Ship: Suga/Jin
“It's still a lot of work, even if you have magic on your side.” Yoongi glances over at a jug filled with what looks like pieces of pineapple. And then, as both cat and witch stare at the jug, the pieces are suddenly no more, instead replaced entirely by liquid. “Heck. Magic is draining. I’m going to need a nap later.”
“Why do you think I start at 5 am and only open at 11?” Seokjin grumbles, before he sighs, “yeah, okay. I get your point. No tea then. But we gotta think of something to make with avocados.”
“Why the fuck are we doing avocados?” “Because I ordered avocados.”
“Oh. Ok. Let me rephrase that: why the fuck are we doing avocados?”
~*~
(Or: Seokjin is a witch, Yoongi is his familiar. 99% of their life is bickering like this. The other 1%? Well, you'll have to read and see won't you?)
(blue recommended this to me and i read the whole damn thing. and let me tell you, it wasn’t the magic (well, not just the magic since the worldbuilding makes me want to swoon) that made me stay. it was jin. and his goddamn puns. puns galore. puns everywhere. every shade of pun imaginable, it’s all here. suffer with me along with yoongi. it is glorious.)
something tells me we'll be alright by czar (cmajorchords)
Ship: RM/V
“You’re absolutely right. This is a childish, petty feud, and I’m sure Kim Namjoon is an upstanding citizen and exceptional researcher. I’m sure he is a thousand times more of a professional than I am, and isn’t late to work all the time, and probably doesn’t occasionally sneak into the lab after hours so he can touch the pretty little vases with bare hands instead of using gloves –”
“Doesn’t what?”
“- it’s just that I don’t think I can work him. On, like, a moral level. Like an ethical one. An emotional one? Maybe even metaphysically?”
His supervisor sighs loudly. “So what’s the problem exactly?”
Taehyung scrambles for the first thing that comes to his mind. “Once, when we were at a mixer, he ate the last cranberry-chocolate chip muffin and didn’t even offer to split it.”
Six weeks in the desert at an archaeology dig sounds like everything Taehyung had ever dreamed of. Too bad Kim Namjoon's coming, too.
(this is a really cute fic and just, namjoon is this rambling mess and v is so humanely insecure and all of it is just, ugh. ugh i couldn't stop grinning.)
Fixing Christmas by jeoncrocs
Ship: Jungkook/RM
Namjoon is having the Worst Christmas Eve ever, and it's chiefly his own fault. A kind stranger turns it around.
(I COULDN’T STOP LAUGHING THIS WAS SO FUNNY XDD)
Hold Still by Oh_Hey_Tae
(i’ve recommended a fic from them before and there’s a reason for it. all their fics are just, yes.)
Ship: J-Hope/Jungkook
Jungkook’s going to say that he wasn’t scared, but he literally screamed and was about to throw down with a pan so he says instead, “How’d you get in, anyway?”
“Door was unlocked. Didn’t think anyone was home. Be glad I’m not an actual creep.”
And then this amazing thing happens.
It’s small and simple, quick as can be, but it leaves Jungkook stupefied, mind melting, like he’s lost on a wave.
Jung Hoseok winks at him.
Oh, no.
(Or: Jungkook falls in love easily, Hoseok doesn't open up easily, and somehow they manage to meet in the middle.)
(jungkook is precious here. precious. i want to wrap him up and hug him tight. and i really like how they portrayed hoseok here. and also, theres some representation and i connected to this. a lot.)
Words of Power by rkatz
Ship: Suga/J-Hope
All words have power. Some more than others. And none more than a name.
(behold, a magic!au soulmate fic with stellar worldbuilding. seriously, i am crying over how creative this is, i want to pick at this author’s mind and ask how they came up with this. thank you blue for recommending this!)
Law of the Jungle by MmeIrene
Ship: Jin/RM
“You’re an actor,” said Namjoon after a moment, and Seokjin nodded, looking pleased with their progress.
This was decidedly different, Namjoon thought, staring at Kim Seokjin’s bemused expression, than how it went in movies. Which, all things considered, was terribly ironic considering that Namjoon was being told he couldn’t study in his own library so that the aforementioned Kim Seokjin could film there with his movie crew.
Or, Namjoon is a frazzled grad student who just wants to finish his thesis, but somehow ends up getting cast as an extra in a movie instead.
(you know this is good when a character is accidentally in a movie. any student who wrote or is writing a thesis will understand namjoon’s dilemma on a spiritual level. he stole my heart in this fic, he really did. i don’t blame you one bit jin for falling for this boy.)
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oneweekoneband · 6 years
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A Listicle of Leonard Cohen’s Funniest Songs
1) “One of Us Cannot Be Wrong”
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Leonard Cohen started with “Bird On A Wire” at Isle of Wight, in the interest of softening’em up, but this was his second number. Rolling Stone called this song “a flaming shit” in 1968, the yodelling at the end having somehow failed to signal its lack of serious intent.
Basically it’s 4AM, you haven’t slept for days, dude is wildly off pitch and coming at you with this:
I lit a thin green candle, to make you jealous of me But the room just filled up with mosquitos They heard that my body was free
Possibly the 600,000 hippies stopped rioting because their souls left their bodies.
2) “Memories”
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About a decade ago, there was a vogue for Death of a Ladies’ Man - it was reappraised, all at once, and “Memories” was covered by indie rockers from The Last Shadow Puppets to Steven Page of Barenaked Ladies. In fact it’s remained a hipster’s pick (the National just covered it). And why not? It’s the most hospitable of the good songs on DoaLM, more Jarvis Cocker than Serge Gainsbourg on the creep scale -- not even cocaine Jarvis at that -- and a standalone achievement in Leonard Cohen’s oeuvre: his one and only 1980s teen sex comedy. You know it’s an 80s movie, because the scene is actually set in the 50s. 
What’s that? Album released in 1977? I mentioned Leonard Cohen was a prophet, right?
Leonard Cohen stopped performing “Memories” after a few years, which I’m sure hurt plenty of people’s souls. That entire album was elided on the Grand Tour. But I figure he couldn’t attempt the doo-wop outro after a certain point. And if you can’t so much as embark on the masterpiece of badness and sincere intent that is Leonard Cohen doo-wopping poorly at very loud volume, then whence the payoff? Whence desire?
3) “I’m Your Man”
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This listicle is weighted inevitably toward I’m Your Man -- correctly assessed by Dorian Lynskey as Leonard Cohen’s funniest album, not least because he’s wearing sunglasses and eating a banana on the cover. The older Leonard Cohen got, the funnier it was when he offered to be your Christian Grey and promised to howl at your beauty “like a dog in heat,” somehow irrespective of whether he sounded sexy or not. In the man’s own words:
That is the question: “What does a woman want?” I really was taken by this question, and I devoted twenty years of research to discovering what a woman wants and finally I didn’t find out what a woman wants and I abandoned the question. It is with a certain sense of vindication now that I see that women are asking the question “What does a woman want?” I feel now we are truly in the same boat.
It’s just that, the longer the song’s allowed to go on, the more one anticipates the woman’s response as “new phone who dis.”
It’s worth noting that I’m Your Man came out after Various Positions, which contained “Hallelujah” and “If It Be Your Will.” If prayer doesn’t work, all you have left is depression humour -- and depression humour sold better in its first week.
4) “Jazz Police”
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Leonard Cohen’s “The Lovecats.”
5) “Tower of Song”
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It’s a shitpost, is what it is. Full on Blingee and MS Paint. *Casio preset* “I was born like this, I had no choice, I was born with the gift of a golden voice.” *Keyboard solo played on one index finger* “Do you want to hear The Answer? Are you, truly, hungry for The Answer?”
Doo dum dum dum, de doo dum dum. 
“Tower of Song” is also what Leonard Cohen recited at his induction to the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame. One career summary, two ways.
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