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depression-mealsz · 2 years

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stir fry (veg)

im absolutely free-associating as i write this recipe so have fun reading all this - i hope you like parenthetical tangents!

total time: not gonna lie to you, this takes most of the day. absolute MINIMUM like 45 min. but! you can do it piece-meal so its not all ur time/energy at once

makes: ~4 servings (but really 1 if you’re me)

ingredients:

1 block extra firm tofu, pressed (i use old textbooks because i spent too much money on them not to get any use out of them)

3 tbsp corn starch

3 tbsp vegetable oil

1/3 cup white rice

1 egg

1 broccoli crown

1 zucchini

1 yellow squash

1/3 cup shredded carrots (or carrot chips, yum)

1 tbsp soy sauce

salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, liquid smoke, and red chili flakes

sesame seeds for garnish

OPTIONAL (but is it?):

1 tbsp mayo

1/2 tbsp ketchup

1/4 tbsp sugar

same seasonings as above

how to:

ok fasten ur seatbelts, this one is gonna be a little complicated to read but i promise its not bad when ur actually doing it. i think of it in sections - tofu, rice, veggies, then combine it. makes it a lot more manageable!

for the tofu, rinse it, wrap it in paper towels (or regular towels? sometimes i do both) and let gravity press it for you while you go for your impressive fourth rewatch of new girl. after you get sick of waiting for your tofu to press, cut it into 1″ cubes (ish. do i know what 1″ cubes look like? almost certainly not. go with your gut). combine corn starch and oil together, along with your spices. be generous with your spices, some of the flavor will get lost in the bake. coat ur tofu pieces in the corn starch-oil-seasoning paste and place on a baking sheet. i like to cook mine at 425F for 25 min. this gets it extra crispy, which im obsessed with. also i coat it in kung pao sauce or whatever i have on hand, but theyre still good plain. i bake the tofu while i cut the veggies and cook the rice. speaking of,

for the rice, just steam it according to the directions on the bag (typically 2:1 water:rice ratio, steam for 15 min). props to you if you have a rice cooker, this broke bitch does not. and if you cant boil rice, they make minute rice u can cook in the microwave or whatever. i think that has the texture and taste of play-doh but if thats ur speed, do you ig. really you should refrigerate it after boiling it for it to be true “stir fry” (apparently) but who has the time for that? as soon as cooked food hits my fridge, you may as well throw it in the garbage bc im never touching that shit again. set the steamed rice aside while you do the veggies

for the veggies, cut em :) pretty much thats it. throw some seasoning on it if ur feeling saucy, which i often am. toss them in a wok pan on medium-high heat with some butter (or your preferred vegan alternative) until theyre cooked down like 85% of the way. theyll still retain some residual heat and cook even after you’ve taken them off the stovetop. set aside while you fry the rice

when frying the rice, you need a LOT of butter. more than you think. probably at least a quarter stick (sucks if ur on the west coast with those weird sized butter sticks). toss that and your rice in the same wok you just used to cook the veggies and add your soy sauce. if youre not vegan, add in your egg and scramble it up. you can be one of those people that adds peas to your rice but really.... why would you do that. cook the rice til its done :) i know i could be more helpful but see i dont think i can here. eating it before its done wont kill you, it just might be a gross sensation in your mouth texture-wise

tofu should be done baking by now, so really you just need to combine ur veggies, tofu, and rice in the wok for a quick stir and then serve it. top with sesame seeds.

OPTIONAL (but seriously, no it’s not):

combine the optional ingredients above to make that quintessential japanese mayo sauce (it feels idiotic to call it yum-yum sauce but alas, i don’t really know what else to call it). i love to dip the tofu in it or mix it in to the rice because im one of those clowns that eats one thing at a time (veggies first, then tofu, then rice).

what i love:

ive always loved going out to eat at those hibachi places where they cook the shit right in front of you and do the little tricks with the onion volcano, etc. but a) those are expensive and b) god how strange would it be to go to one of those alone?? so i decided i would make it at home and you know what bitch i did that

this might be the most involved recipe ive posted and it does in fact go against the initial purpose of this blog to post easy and somewhat healthy recipes to stave off depression but i promise, if you can do even half the shit i told you to here, you can basically conquer the world. or at least your subdivision. and youll have all the energy to do that and more bc you hit all your major food groups! what!

you can totally add chicken or ? idk pork or shrimp or whatever your preferred protein is in place of (or in addition to) the tofu. im vegetarian so ive completely lost the knowledge of how to cook meat whoops

what i hate:

one time i made this and went to brush my teeth because it was bed time and there were maggots on my toothbrush and in my bathroom sink ???? ive never seen maggots there before or since, so i dont know if i got some sus vegetables or rice or if i completely hallucinated that but wow that was. an experience for sure. dont let that deter you from making this though! i doubt it had anything to do with my cooking

#this took too long to write but #first time ive posted here since the start of covid #weird

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

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ok time for 2 days worth of journaling

yesterday I discovered that if I take half of a mini bagel (because the store was out of bagel things), put on cream cheese and a slice of salami, you can make a pretty good bagel bite. I talked with my dad for a while about college things when he came home from work and brought groceries. I also made a frozen chicken Laredo pasta thing for dinner and ended up sharing it with my mom. dad and I shared ideas for what to add to it next time to make it better. I started with chopping up spinach, because I know it shrinks a bunch and is easy to hide in stuff. I want to try adding a little salt, maybe some garlic and onion, parmesan cheese, more greens, a bunch of stuff. idk. I like pretending to be a chef. but I talked with my ad about what kind of stuff I'll need for college, and how I'll probably need to buy real clothes and makeup so I dont look like a goblin who’s been existing solely in basketball shorts and pajama pants for the past year in quarantine.that;s why I made that post last night about fun girly sleepover or simple-ass makeup tutorial. I tried washing my face with an Olay soap bar, and it left my skin feeling nice but idk how good/bad it actually is for your face since its meant to be a body bar. I real online that a plain dove bar is actually pretty damn good for your face, but Olay was the only thing I had on hand. whatever. i played a bunch of stardew valley as well

I slept like shit last night, waking up at like 4 am and all mr dreams being shades of muted grey and brown and broken up into blocks, idk. I've been having weird abstract dreams and sleeping like shit for the past couple days. I think that's partially what cause my head to spin all afternoon. whenever I moved my head, it felt like my ghost was lagging behind my body if that makes sense. it sucked but got better when I moved around. I had my dad bring me water and Tylenol and then come back a second time to light my candle because he smelled like cigarettes and left the smell in my room. but I realized it was April fools day when I woke up, and contemplated how I was gonna prank my friends. I didnt come up with anything until my sister sent a picture of a crashed white Volvo, saying she failed her driving test. when my mom showed me I didnt believe her for a second, and folded over laughing when my mom was concerned about if it was real or not. I stole that joke and showed it to my 2 friend groups, with panicked misspelled texts to go with it for *authenticity* lmao. both groups fell for it at first, but band friends taking longer to catch on so I had to tell them it was a prank. my gamer friend in the other chat caught me almost IMMEDIATLY with reverse google image searching. but I laughed my ass off for a while either way. I didnt play any stardew today but I did play a little Webkinz. when my sister came back from her driving test, my dad brought home Dairy Queen blizzards and mentioned getting a nice-is dinner takeout :) unfortunately I waited forever for him to bring home food and it never happened. so my sister and I went through the mcdonalds drive through and got served by this absolutely DELIGHTFUL middle aged man who was very nice and funny and I told him she just got her license today. we went home and ate in my sisters room and watched John mulaney’s new in town. I had never actually watched the full special, but through Tumblr memes and a million animatics, I had pretty much seen everything. I had fun tho. we got regular chicken sandwiches when we porobably should have gotten the deluxe ones with lettuce and tomato and source or just gone to Wendy’s. tbh Wendy’s is SO MUCH FUCNKIN BETTER. and the mcdonalds was more expensive than I thought it would be. whatever. if we had gone to Wendy’s, sure we would have gotten better burgers, but we wouldn't have seen that deightful man. anyway earlier today I gave my cat some catnip and she was really cute about it. do cats drool more when they’re high? cuz damn it sure felt like it when she was mashing her face into my hand. for lunch I made a different pasta thing, this time shrimp lomeign. I added spinach and broccoli, which I'm going to do for now and forever because it SLAPPED but my mom was acting like a child, saying broccoli is gross. she had me make spaghetti and proceeded to eat 3 or 4 bowls. I had a couple and went to my room. I realize that I'm typing all this shit WAYYYYY out of order, sorry to me reading back in the future or anyone who bothers to read these. tbh why would you. I hope people dont have my talk tag blocked (thanks for coming to my ted talk) and instead have 2021 daily blocked if they dont want to see these. I still make funny posts sometimes!! that’s also what I tag my art with!! but neither of those people would be able to read this anyway so I'm just preaching to the choir. anyway you’ll be happy to know that my head is no longer spinning, my teeth are nice and clean, I've got my comfy socks and pajama pants on, and I’m ready for bed. eventually. it’s not even midnight yet lmao. I guess I can mention this morning when my cat yelled at me asking to go outside, but it was literally FREEZING and im 100% sure I saw some snowflakes while I was out there for a couple minutes. she got so cold she climbed up on my lap as I was wrapped in my childhood sleeping bag I found in the laundry room. I breathed warm air on her and sat out there for another minute or so, mostly insulated by the sleeping bag, but carried her inside eventually. I didnt want to have to deal with that shit. tbh even tho I just had mcdonalds and it’s almost midnight and I've already brushed my teeth, I'm still a little bit hungry. but I dont know it’s that’s just because I'm lying down and your body takes a little while to tell you when you’re full, or if it’s because I waited for SO LONG waiting for city barbecue or bento cafe that just a burger and fries wasn't enough to cut it. well I'll just sleep it off anyway. you know what’s really cute? my cat laid on my lap and rested her chin on my hand as I typed :) I love her

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #2021 daily #wow new mont new tag #Ii gotta change over my calendar to see what the new baby animal will be #march was a baby seel #June is going to ba a money which I think is very homophobic because I HATE MONKIES>:(

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