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inkskinned · 1 year

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the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.

capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.

now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.

and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.

and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.

and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".

it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"

#this was much longer i had to cut it down for legibility #but i do want to say i am aware this post doesnt touch on human rights violations as a result of fast fashion #that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone #i am an environmental educator #so that's what i know the most about. it wouldn't be appropriate of me to mention off-hand the real and legitimate suffering #that people are going through #without doing my research and providing real ways to help #this is a vent post about a thing i'm watching happen; not a call to action. it would be INCREDIBLY demeaning #to all those affected by the fast fashion industry to pretend that a post like this could speak to their suffering #unfortunately one of the horrible things about latestage capitalism as an activist is that SO many things are linked to this #and i WANT to talk about all of them but it would be a book in its own right. in fact there ARE books about each level of this #and i encourage you to seek them out and read them!!! i am not an expert on that i am just a person on tumblr doing my favorite activity #(complaining)#and it's like - this is the individual versus the industry problem again right because im blaming myself #for being an expert on environmental disaster (which is fucking important) but not knowing EVERYTHING about fast fashion #i'm blaming myself for not covering the many layers of this incredibly complicated problem im pointing out #rather than being like. yeah so actually the fault here lies with the billion dollar industries actually.#my failure to be able to condense an incredibly immense problem that is BOOK-LENGTH into a single text post that i post for free #is not in ANY fucking way the same amount of harm as. you know. the ACTUAL COMPANIES doing this ACTUAL THING for ACTUAL MONEY.#anyway im gonna go donate money while i'm thinking about it. maybe you can too. we can both just agree - well i fuckin tried didn't i #which is more than their CEOs can say

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cerise-on-top · 2 months

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Hey! It's me again, I've been a little needy these days and I'd like to make a request, something really cute.

Valeria, Farah and Kate.

Like, they spent the night with you having fun at home, but in the morning they had to leave for work without even having time to say goodbye, but before leaving there was a noticeable mess that remained in the house, a tremendous mess. But when they arrive late from work, they find the house shining completely clean, and soon they find the reader sleeping in the living room with the TV on, but still sleeping peacefully, because her tiredness does not allow her to stay awake to receive them.

(I would love to be spoiled by Valéria in exchange for being her housewife)

I think this scenario is so cute and I love your writing, and sorry if something is wrong, I'm using the translator again. Kisses and have a great day. <3

Hey! That's a really cute idea! Sorry this is short, I'm just really tired again tonight!

Valeria, Farah and Laswell Finding Reader Asleep

Valeria: She’s not particularly surprised to find you asleep, she usually comes home extremely late at night. However, the sight warms her heart every time. Stands in the doorway for a few seconds, watching your chest rise and fall as you sleep, a small smile on her face. It’s only afterwards that she realizes you’ve cleaned your shared home. Valeria will sigh a bit, the home was in complete disarray when she left, so it must have taken a while for you to clean it all up. No wonder you’re asleep. Although she may not be the tallest person, Valeria is strong, so she’ll pick you up and carry you to your bedroom, giving you a kiss on your forehead. During these moments she loves nothing more than to hold you, even if she normally isn’t a very touchy feely person. But something about you being asleep in her arms as she carries you, completely vulnerable, just gets to her. However, it won’t be long before Valeria goes to bed herself, getting ready for such a thing, she’s tired as well. The day after she’ll spoil you rotten, though. You’ve earned a nice reward for being such a good spouse for her, and so she’ll take you on a fancy date. Or maybe, since you’ve cleaned your home so nicely, she’ll just stay home with you to cook a good meal together. The choice can wait, she’ll just ask you later.

Farah: She’d be ecstatic to see you’ve cleaned your home. It must have been a long and boring task, but she truly does appreciate it. Like Valeria, she watches you for a few moments, thinking about whether or not she should wake you up. In the end she decides against it since you truly must have been tired. However, she will drape a blanket over you and give you a small kiss on your cheek, hoping to not rouse you too much in the process. Farah makes herself a small snack so she has had something to eat before she finally goes to bed herself. However, she doesn’t go to bed, she joins you on the couch, holding you close and nuzzling into your hair. While she may be extremely tired herself, she still daydreams a bit about how she could possibly repay you for doing that Sisyphean task. Anything from ordering takeout and paying to going on a walk during the sunset sounds good to her as long as she can show you her appreciation. Since she’s feeling very content around you, she might also start humming a bit, knowing fully well that you can’t hear her. But it’s just something she does when she feels comfortable around someone. Plus it helps her fall asleep too. In the end she’ll likely settle for something calm like staying at home and just cuddling the day away while thanking you. Or just doing whatever you say so she can feel like you’re getting enough rest and she did something for the household as well.

Laswell: By the time she’s home the sun has probably almost risen anyway given her line of work. Laswell would be dead tired, so I’m not even sure she’d notice you having cleaned right away. However, she would see you having decluttered the desk in the living room and be grateful. Although she may almost fall asleep herself, standing in the doorway and barely noticing her surroundings, she will see you sleeping on the couch and immediately think about sleeping next to you. Granted, Laswell isn’t a very cuddly person either, and she can’t sleep particularly well holding someone either, but she thinks it would be unfair if you slept on the couch while she slept in the bed. At least that’s her logic at the moment. She won’t even try to carry you to bed, she just wants to head to bed. Gets changed and stands still in front of the couch for a few moments before draping a blanket over you. Naturally, she’ll turn off the TV, but afterwards she gets some shut eye for a few hours as well. Only in the morning does she notice that everything is spic and span. Laswell will feel bad if you woke up before her and made some breakfast. However, she will make it up to you as well. If there’s anything you ever need from her, she’ll do it. She’ll have done it before as well, but she doesn’t want to be indebted to you. Gives you a kiss before promising you that she’ll clean up next time. Either on her own or with you. You did such a good job, she’ll likely get you some cake to show her thanks in the meantime.

#cod #cod x reader #valeria garza #valeria garza x reader #farah karim #farah karim x reader #kate laswell #kate laswell x reader #I don't have much to say again tonight #I'm just looking forward to going to bed. not looking forward to tomorrow #next week I have my first proper driving lessons. I'll be sitting in a car then and driving. I've never driven before #I've only killed the engine once and that's it #I think I have eight lessons next week and the week after I have the theoretical exam #I need to pass this I need this driver's license #right I wanted to write something about Easter with König but I'm not sure I'll actually find the time to write it #easter is next week so I thought it would make sense for me to write something like this #if I have to celebrate easter then so does König it's the law. I'm gonna pass my suffering onto him #I am not at all looking forward to seeing my grandmother. “do you have a boyfriend yet?”#I don't care about getting a boyfriend and I'm too much of a loser to pull a girl 😔#but it's such an exhausting question. how many more times do I have to aggressively say that I don't want a guy until someone understands?#it's gonna piss me off so much I just know it already

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cluescorner · 23 days

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Arlecchino's whole deal is unbelievable

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder what's causing my weird powers? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta become King and then kill my "Mother".

*Kills Clervie and "Mother"*

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I was able to defeat a Fatui Harbinger when I'm like 17 or so? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta be in jail and become a Harbinger.

*Is in jail for a while and becomes a Harbinger*

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I am-

Pierro: Hey what's up hello, anyways you're descended from the Crimson Moon Dynasty of Khaenri'ah. I'm sure that this is a lot for you to take in so-

Arlecchino: Ok.

Pierro: ...You're just cool with that?

Arlecchino: IDK maybe? I can't really worry about that at the moment, I'm a father now. This orphanage full of children I love (who also are child soldiers and are not allowed to leave or else I'll execute them except maybe now I'm just gonna wipe their memories IDK I'm morally complex) isn't gonna run itself.

*Runs the orphanage/spy recruitment initiative*

Me, the fucking player: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE KHAENRI'AN? WHY WASN'T THIS BROUGHT UP IN YOUR FUCKING QUEST?? OR ANYTHING ELSE????

Arlecchino, talking to me through my phone: I honestly don't know why you care, I'm too busy to give a shit. Anyways, I'm gonna go fight fate itself I guess. I'm sure that I don't share any thematic parallels with any other Khaenri'an characters (particularly as it relates to acting and family angst) and that I haven't made the idea of 'curses' on Khaenri'ans and what they entail even more complicated than they already were. See ya.

#arlecchino #genshin impact #pierro #WHY IS THE GAME FUCKING GLOSSING OVER THE FACT THAT SHE IS KHAENRI'AN?!#Not only that but she is the first Khaenri'an we've met (that we know of) who's from the Crimson Moon Dynasty #I'm so fucking confused #Did Celestia place a DIFFERENT curse on members of the Crimson Moon Dynasty?? Or is this stuff all of them can do???#HELP #She also seems almost...uninterested in the fact that she's descended from Khaenri'ah. Which honestly I think is interesting.#I don't know if I like it yet but when every other Khaenri'ah character has one of their major traits being that they super fucking #care that they are Khaenri'an (whether that be Kaeya with his paranoia/destiny/duty or Dain with his guilt over his failure/desire to #prevent our sibling from fucking with anything too much or whatever the fuck is going on with Pierro)#having a character who is Khaenri'an but doesn't seem to particularly be invested in that part of themself is different #she cares more about the curse and its effects on her then she ever really cares about the Crimson Moon Dynasty or the cataclysm #IDK I think it's neat from a character writing angle. or at least it has the potential to be if the writers do a good job.#But from a 'I like maybe 3 things in this game and one of them is Khaenri'ah' perspective it SUCKSSSSS #That part of the plot is already suffering from chronic live-service storytelling disease where people just straight up don't tell you #shit that they logically SHOULD BE TELLING YOU because the game needs to save plot points to build hype around #so for one of like 4-ish (depending on how much we count Albedo) Khaenri'an major characters to give us literally 1 and 1/2 voicelines #kinda sucks ngl. but again it's also interesting and realistic for Arlecchino and from that angle I like it #she doesn't care about what fate says her place in the world is. she's gonna carve her own and being Khaenri'an isn't relevant to #the life and identity she has built for herself. she isn't the type to look for answers she doesn't need. she's practical and efficient.#at the very least it's better than when Albedo 'I want to find all the world's truths' Kreideprinz doesn't let the audience in on his stuff

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rosekiller-addict · 9 months

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Evan "I'm a killer" Rosier

Barty "and I'm your best friend" Crouch Jr

#There is many ways you can interpret this #Go for whatever you want #I'm just gonna suffer every time I listen too this song #evan rosier #barty crouch jr #rosekiller #marauders #marauders era #slytherin skittles #Be nice to me #Be nice to me the front bottoms #Be nice to me by the front bottoms #The front bottoms

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soyouwinagain · 1 year

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Leon Draisaitl in GolfMagazin 02/23

Question #6: Your worst golf experience? Leon: A bet I lost to my teammate Connor McDavid. Question #7: Your best golf experience? Leon: A bet I won against Connor McDavid a week later. Question #13: Your best business on the golf course? Leon: This is where the won bet against Connor McDavid comes back into play. Golf for me is... Having a good time with my friends, none of whom take it too seriously.

#thought i'd focus on the mcdrai highlight reel but if you want to know details about leon's golf skills hmu & i'll translate the rest #mcdrai #leon draisaitl #connor mcdavid #hockey #edmonton oilers #shoutout to my dad for making golf his personality i guess #would love to give you the hq version of this #but i already suffered the indignity of making him take photos of this spread for me i'm not gonna ask him to scan it too now

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that-foul-legacy-lover · 2 months

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i've said this before but listen, as someone who keeps up with leaks it is INCREDIBLY difficult to not start screaming about Arlecchino. i know this is a Foul Legacy blog but oh my goddddddd

#hush n shush wifi #not brainrot #genshin talk #y'all are gonna have to suffer through me talking about her and my OC in between moth content for a while #only if you guys allow me too though i'm not that cruel #foul legacy is still my number one but holy hell arlecchino is auugrhghgrhhhghh #i'm going insane. i need lore immediately #to the person who sent me an OC ask please know that you're amazing and i'll get to it shortly #i'll try to also post moth brainrot today #if anyone else wants to scream about arlecchino with me PLEASE do #this is the first time i'm breaking my vow and pulling on weapon banner hoh mygod #she is fathering it up in here #ahem anyways #normal again i promise #good evening

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ratwizz · 7 months

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Got sick, drew my guys, look at them :P

#Blehhh I wanna talk about my ocs more ESPECIALLY SICNE NOW THEY HAVE A VAGUE STORY #Shout out to meilin for hating everything #I've been thinking about Making a comic but that's alot of work too and bleghhhh #I'll see what I do #I only share these in hopes my three beloved mutual squirrel Jay n wormy come upon it #Pray to thee #Jun and Julian are the only ones who get to be happy everyone else suffers so I only really draw those two #JUN IS TALLER I DIDNT REALIZE TIL NOW BUT I DREW THAT WRONG EHH doesn't matter #But yes mmmyboyssmm #my art #I'm actually gonna start tagging it #wizzart #Cause when you look up my art... You see... My old stuff....

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idlesuperstar · 1 year

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TV/Film versions of 19th Century Fictional Male Characters I Would Bang Into The 20th Century (In No Particular Order)

#9 Patrick Sumner [The North Water, Ian McGuire] - Jack O'Connell edition (amc, 2021)

#jack o'connell #the north water #me before watching this: ooh amc are you giving me new ice boys to drool over #me after watching this: holy FUCK do NOT WANT any of these ice boys except this sad laudanum boy please save him at all costs #so yeah thanks to sas rogue heroes I now want to climb this boy like a tree #I'm gonna have to watch lady fucking chatterley aren't I haven't I suffered enough lawrence in my life #could look at his face all fucking day #the more dishevelled and battered the better #I drew the line at giffing the bear scene though that was too far #*19C #my wee gifs

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polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 5 months

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when yuuji and megumi finally got together, what were everyone’s reactions? like inumaki and panda obviously threatened yuuji in the most nonsensical way possible but what about gojo and nanami and the others? like finally seeing their little boy grow up to be old enough to date and immediately going for the worst possible candidate in a lot of people’s minds *cough—the zenin—cough*.

if gojo was on the verge of a mental breakdown from just giving Megumi The Talk, i can’t imagine just how hard it hit him that his little sea urchin was growing up so fast.

What must be understood is that the second years have been following their relationship from its inception like it’s their favorite soap opera. Maki clocked it when Megumi tried to kill Kamo Noritoshi with an elephant over him and all of them have been overly invested in it since. Those are their beloved kohais. They’re both so stupid and vulnerable. Like idiot babies. They want them to be happy idiot babies who hold hands.

Yuuta would fight special grade curses with one hand and text Maki with the other to find out if they were dating yet and maki would text back “no but they each killed a special grade and megumi has a domain expansion now” and Yuuta would text back “what am I MISSING”. Inumaki thought if they gave them nine years or so megumi would work himself up to a hand graze and Yuuta would freak out because they don’t have that kind of TIME. Panda texted Yuuta in a panic weeks after everyone else figured it out to tell him that he thinks megumi and the kid who’s sukunas vessel like each other and Yuuta had to pretend to be surprised as if the entire matter was not giving him stress sweats from Africa.

The unofficial reaction was that maki sent a gif of a ship coming into port into the group chat and everyone celebrated like it was new years and the ball had just dropped because thank fuck it finally happened.

As a side note, the second years all consider themselves parents of three and are only half joking about that fact. It’s so hard raising teens. The little shits keep fighting things. None of them have any social skills. All three of them are completely feral. They’re pretty sure nobara bit a purse snatcher the last time they went out into the city.

But that was the unofficial reaction. They can’t tell Megumi or Yuuji about that.

Yuuta actually gets a call from Megumi to tell him that he has a boyfriend, and he had to pretend like all this was news to him as if he had not spent the past three months more invested in this than anything in his own life. Yuuta told him that he was happy for him, and that he couldn't wait to meet Yuuji, and lived in blissful ignorance about the fact that Yuuji screamed into his own pillow for twenty minutes that night because Megumi came and told him that Okkotsu-senpai was important to him and he'd like it if they got to know each other.

Maki started a campaign of teasing Megumi about his new boyfriend, because she sort of loves giving her little nephew shit. Megumi wonders why life has to be this hard.

Inumaki and Panda had already given Yuuji the shovel talk (it was part of what made Yuuji realize he was completely in love with Megumi) and had a stunningly moving congratulations and dating advice speech for Yuuji that featured a power point presentation.

Its moving nature was slightly impacted by the fact that Inumaki gave it.

Inumaki patted him manfully on the back, and Panda gave him a brotherly hair ruffle, and Yuuji continued to be confused as to what the hell was up with the second years.

The issue with Gojo is that they can never tell when he's taking the piss or if he's being genuine. Like, Gojo loves giving him a hard time. It's a classic "Fushiguro is getting hit on" conundrum. Is he actually devastated that his little boy is growing up or is he just doing it to fuck with them?

Megumi insists that he's doing it to be an idiot and refuses to speak to him for days, which does not help with all the weeping.

Whatever the case, it's enough to annoy Nanami, because he keeps agonizing over how his baby was swept up by some jock who was going to steal his sweetness and Nanami would take offense on Yuuji's behalf because Itadori Yuuji is a gentleman and a delightful young man and Gojo should be glad that Megumi is dating someone like him.

Megumi wonders why life has to be this hard sometimes.

Nanami is just happy for them both and gives them both private congratulations wherein he tells them that he's glad they have each other and that they are good together. He is the most normal of them all.

#sea glass gardens #nobara just suffers because nothing lgbtq has happened to her recently and she has to witness all of this #it's right in front of her salad #she's disgustingly codependent with yuuji and megumi so she's on half their dates with them #she has to be there every time yuuji has a crisis over God's perfect man Okkotsu Yuuta #Yuuji: *doing facemasks and cuticle care with nobara* and THEN he told me that Okkotsu's /important/ to him. important!#Nobara: i thought this would end when you got exclusive smooching rights to fushiguro #Yuuji: don't call it that #Nobara: what are you worry okkotsu's gonna smooch him too #Yuuji: megumi said it's never been like that between them #Nobara: so what are you /worried/ about #Yuuji: i don't know! the universe bends to give him everything i love. everything! maybe /i/ just wanted to be the one important to him #nobara: are you an idiot. don't answer that. i already know the answer is yes.#Yuuji: can we stay on task here #Nobara: fushiguro has the bad taste to let you stick your tongue down his throat. you already /are/ important to him.#yuuji: but i'm not the universe's favorite being /okkotsu yuuta/#Nobara: god you just do not deserve the homosexuality happening to you

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ninja-knox-ur-sox-off · 7 months

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I am at 59k on this Ninjago fic i swear I'll finish it this month I will work on nothing else I am going to finish this--

#knox rambles #save me y'all every time i sit down to write the last big couple of scenes i end up adding a new unrelated scene instead #I've added like ten new scenes in different places and three new cameos from characters i wasn't going to write and i'm adding another scen #right now right this second I SWEAR I'M GONNA FINISH THIS SCREMS #I keep sending people my wordcount so y'all get to suffer knowing too #definitely splitting this into chapters because my gods #what am i even writing you ask? kai angst #well everyone angst thye all get angst but we're destroying kai right now #told my friend like 90% of the fic and realized i have three major plot points going at once #and they all play an important role to angsting the crap outta kai #only a little extremely confusing #okay i'm stalling i gotta get back to it #its so hard to write with my computer overheating i need to see if i can steal the laptop from my fam #Me: we certainly have been inactive on our blog by the time this is out people are gonna have it show up on their dashboards and go who dis #i KEEP GOING BACK TO RE-WRITE STUFF TO HGKSJLSDFJFKD #OKAY GOING GOING HOPE Y'ALL HAVE A STELLAR FIRE DAY

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shorlinesorrows · 1 month

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just got the time to start the sunshine court and I'm Vibrating out of my skin

#i did not think it was possible for me to like a character this much three chapters into a book #i might actually end up liking Jean better than Neil which is saying a Lot #something about a character whose route to survival had to be giving in and staying small instead of fighting back or running away #something about a character who has been taught to lock up their emotions for years or suffer the consequences #something about a character who is resigned to what happens to them because that's the only way they can survive in their environment #I am desperately hoping that Jean learns how to be ANGRY outwardly without permission.#I need that boy to be able to Rage out loud and do it MESSY #because I'm not convinced he's going to be able to really smile until he does #Also I'm really appreciating both the Renee and Thea content we've desperately needed more of both of them and they showed up so quick #privately hoping both stay present for a while but tbh i'm just excited for where this is headed #Anyways I also just fixated on Jean Moreau then discovered that (SPOILERS) he's 19???? Almost the same age as me??? hate riko hate riko HAT #anyway sorry riko enjoyers i know he's Complicated but I never liked him in the first place #and this book is making me look forward to his death even more than I did when I first read aftg. So.#listen i know he has Issues. I know Ichirou killing him without a second thought is probably the cruelest way that he personally can die #I also want him dead and gone. Those statements can and should coexist imho.#the sunshine court #jean moreau #really looking forward to finding out more about Jeremy too #this is gonna be a wild ride #jeremy knox #all for the game #love how nora's writing and characters can grab me in a chokehold and refuse to let me go thank you nora for the food

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monsoonite · 1 year

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Devious Endeavours

My day be so fine . Then boom; Moon Minecraft axolotl.

Just a little guy for a realm I'm in. He is coded to get the skin when he is nametagged.

lookit him go

#fnaf moon #moondrop #fnaf daycare attendant #daycare attendent #minecraft #fnaf sb #fnaf sb moon #moondrop fnaf #sun is still a wip #look at him go yippee #might make an enderman texture for him too #ill see #minecraft texture packs #minecraft texturepack #you have no idea how tedious this was to make #I'm gonna suffer making Eclipse

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astarab1aze · 2 months

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➥ The Devilliers

so, something i mention but don't really dig into is the time between loux going into the fostercare system leading up to the full and complete commitment to his life as a criminal - and how important his foster family actually was to him when he was separated from his sisters.

to start, we'll list off his foster family members:

silvère devilliers ; grandfather (deceased)

letha devilliers ; grandmother (deceased)

jackie devilliers ; mother

beau devilliers ; father

fleur lalonde ; aunt

antonetta lalonde ; cousin

absalon lalonde ; cousin

most of the family lived in the town known as monroe, sister to altus but furthest from belle's hollow,

of all his foster family, he was closest to letha and silvère, who really had guardianship over him in the first place. old black folks who resolved themselves to care for wayward boys like loux. they were retired, genuinely good people, and they gave him the best love and care he could've ever asked for when he needed it the most. they were both very patient with him, despite how much trouble he got himself into, despite how much he caused, how many days of school he missed, how bad his grades got, the number of times they caught him smoking or high, and especially in spite of what jackie and beau had to say about him. in a sense, they understood perfectly where loux's heart was and had always been, and were the only people in his life to have ever figured it out; sometimes, a spade is just a spade, no matter what it's made of. rather, they accepted that there would be no controlling him, which wasn't their goal in the first place - merely to love a boy who could not love himself.

it sounds a bit like they were enablers, but i assure you, they most certainly were not ; much of loux's childhood and adolescence was very touch and go, thanks to dual puberties and his decision to go full-bore into the underground, but they never just let him get away with anything ( getting into the specifics of what they tried to do on a day-to-day would make this already long post even longer ), though some of their ( relative ) inaction had a hand to play.

anyway; he was lucky to have been placed into their care, as there simply weren't any shifter homes on the docket ( it's effectively legally considered attempted murder to try to place a shapeshifter in a vampire or were- household ; shifters are a favorite source of nutrition for vampires and weres are notoriously territorial even with each other ; all of this often means that shifters end up falling through the cracks anyway ). it was by the skin of his teeth letha & silvère devilliers applied when they had, and while they might not have been the same particular base breed he was ( both of the skunk variety ), they most definitely treated him as one of their very own. he was loved by letha and silvère, as if he were related to them by blood, the both of them endlessly impressed by how advanced his magic was at so young an age, his resourcefulness, his capability, his intelligence, how quick-witted he was - they adored him. they took pity on him and took him home, gave him a place to comfortably rest his head, a home to return to when he was tired and afraid, a place to be a child while he still had the chance.

but loux was always decisive and devious; in more ways than one, he'd already made a certain choice that would alter his life irreparably, and such was the choice to covet power. he cried for a day, when his parents died, and it would more or less be the last time before he set his childish plans in motion. all he needed was a place to sleep, and someone to pet his hair until his achy, feverish shifter body finally shut down. he never expected to love the devilliers, too. he never factored in how much they'd end up meaning to him, thinking of them when he'd make his worst decisions, wander into the underground in search of...something that would start him properly down the path. the fastest way to reach his goal wasn't school but experience and a willingness to do everything it took, including selling his soul for just a chance to bring his parents back. and he killed himself every day for it.

in his early teen years, when he first really dipped his toes into the underground proper, witnessing death and untold misery, he was hit with blasts of ice in a run-in with deadeye and his crew, whose thugs dumped his unconcious body at the edge of the mirewood, the expansive swamp between monroe and belle's hollow. he was found by mauszan clerics, but in all the uncertainty and all the commotion, silvère fell ill; hysterical with worry that loux, a boy he and letha had been trying so hard to adopt while he threw his life away so he'd have something to come back to when all his fighting was done - suffered a heart attack that ultimately killed him in the days following. loux was in a grave condition of his own, barely clinging to life as ice burned its way through his body, afflicting him with enfeebling ice-sickness, lost in a coma, which did absolutely nothing to help matters within the family. all distraught and beside themselves, the devilliers began to fall apart, and nearly all of them blamed loux for it in some fashion or another - the way they treated him changed, how they talked about him changed, but the only person who didn't blame him, who put it on 'the way of things', who perhaps babied him a smidge because she was terrified he'd die too, was letha.

misplaced though it was.

when he woke from his coma, it was jackie and beau who broke the news of silv's heart attack and subsequent passing - they made no effort to hide their personal feelings toward him, going so far as to fight with him the same day he was released from the bloodweaver's. at the time, he was disoriented and confused, so it didn't quite set in that maybe, perhaps he'd been the catalyst after all - silv wouldn't have had his heart attack if loux could keep himself out of trouble for five godsdamned minutes. but in the aftermath, he started to drift away from the family, from everyone but letha, silv's death acting as a tipping point for him. he couldn't deal with the truth, not properly, and ultimately rejected it, stepping further and further into the underground - committing more of himself to learning more and becoming worse. doubling down led him down a much darker path, then, and the troubles with deadeye began in full.

loux was a scrapper & drug mule for deadeye's competition, when he first dipped his toes into the underground following silv's death, meaning he fought and committed crimes for rival gangs, small-time or not.

because of loux's renewed and dogged persistence, deadeye felt the need to send a particular message - you and everyone you love will die if you continue to work against me. this did nothing but stoke an already high-burning flame within him, tweaking achy nerves and urging him to make foolish decisions, like stealing from deadeye. it wasn't enough to have loux beaten to the brink of death the first or second time, he had to make his message clear and unavoidable. so, he put a tail on loux and had his every waking moment stalked and recorded - who his family was ( meaning the devilliers; lucienne and leonie were unknowns and carefully kept secret ), who his friends were, what he ate for breakfast, when letha would do her shopping, etc. all to blindside loux and make the message ring loud and clear. and one day, when loux had left the underground and was making his way home, deadeye dispatched a handful of his goons and had letha murdered in her home - but loux was quick in his return and found them hovering over letha's body, having just ripped her to pieces. he set them on fire one by one, instinct kicking in and guiding his actions, and exposed those flames to high-oxygen, causing them to pop like balloons and explode like grenades, painting letha's home with the guts and gore of the people who killed her.

letha's death is what drove home the fact that loux is, in fact, at fault for everything that letha and silv had suffered, from economic frustration to their deaths, but he was in far too deep to ever find a way out of the hole he'd dug himself. it is his fault they're dead, the only two people in the world who loved him for him, unconditionally and without reproach. he may as well have killed them with his own two hands. it would've been easier on them, less violent, a subtle poison in their morning coffee, slipping away in their afternoon naps-- it would've been easier and better if it'd just been him; and when the sorciers came, he lied. everyone lied. jackie, beau, and antonetta all lied to keep him from being taken to the triangulary ( where he would've been stripped of his magic, tortured and experimented on until he died, then magically super-glued to a flesh-warden's body ). but they lied so he would feel worse, so the guilt would weigh on his conscience forever, and they would each and all turn their back on him from then on.

the guilt ate him alive and though he didn't try as hard as he should've, he was now left with no option but to put the final nail in the coffin and let it all go. he could never live a normal life, he had to accept the consequences of his choices and actions, and that meant taking the final step and becoming who he is now. ruthless, unforgiving, distrusting, murderous, careful, scheming, just bastard enough to outwit the likes of deadeye ( who, while understated, he loathes immensely ). he became deadeye's biggest competition, cutting into his most lucrative profits, stealing from him, killing swaths of his goons just for happening to cross his path, sending oh so many messages of his own. in just under two years, he became such a problem for deadeye that he paid off a group of weres to kill him while he was staying at the packhouse. obviously, they didn't succeed, but there were enough of them that he was caught by surprise again and overpowered - they came very close to killing him, but just his will to live alone proved enough to save himself ( his flame really helped ).

at the time of silv's death, he was 13. at the time of letha's, he was 16. at the time of his departure from the family et al, he was 17. when deadeye tried to have him killed, he was 19.

ultimately, he spent nine years with the devilliers, and was both directly and indirectly responsible for everything that happened to them. he was and is the problem, every bit as much as he is a victim, and everything he does is a not-so-veiled attempt to protect himself and others from him. he cannot shake the guilt he feels, but he's grown so used to it, it slowly burns away at him, everpresent but nameless, now. it has all irreparably damaged how he sees and interacts with other people, how he sees relationships of any and all kinds be they romantic, professional, friendly, etc. he refuses to form attachments if he can avoid it ( however untrue that seems to be at present ). he lies, hides, denies, omits information, ghosts, shrouding himself in a happy-go-lucky sort of disingenuousness to prevent himself from being known, understood, loved, from ever feeling all that pain again. if he doesn't care, it's easier. if he has no attachments, he won't miss anyone and no one will miss him. no mourning, no grief, no pain, no nothing. it's better this way. it's fine this way. he has shit to do anyway. a family to save, a star to find. fuck everything else.

needless to say, the devilliers meant a lot to him, even if he doesn't necessarily have the words to express why and what he felt, or realize just how much they influenced some of his choices. he was always going to be a criminal, taking shortcuts and resolving himself to delusional undertakings because the ends justify the means, and he's already made up his mind - but he took everything he learned from the devilliers and applied all of it to how he lives his live in tandem.

individual relationships with listed foster family members, in order of importance and closeness;

⸻letha... retired nurse; she is the one he misses and loves the most, genuinely so. she spent the most time with him, got to know him inside and out, figured out what made him tick and how badly he just wanted to be loved. she couldn't make him see it, but she would love him no matter who he chose to be, and she would protect, nurture, care for, and discipline him when he needed it most. they were two peas in pod, singing songs and telling stories, practicing magic and shifting when things got especially bad. he was her boy just as she was his gran, and he respected her, listened to her best, feared her disappointment, her rejection of him. he wanted her to be proud of him, and she was, she was... she taught him how to sew, how to cook, how to brew potions, what to do when he needed to discharge magic, how to speak creole and sunjatti, and so much more; were it not for her, he wouldn't be half as resourceful as he is now.

⸻silvère... retired sorcier; they had a tense relationship, but loux didn't love him any less. they had a sort of...understanding. silv knew early on loux was gonna cause a world of trouble, and came around to the same realization letha had - that all they could do for a boy like him was love him, whatever form that had to take. he gave him tough love, a stiff upper lip, stoicism, courage, flights as herons above the mire, dances with water moccasins in the swamps, death rolls with alligators-- in a few ways, silv taught loux how to be a man, and how to be a shifter, how to appreciate both aspects of himself and to never let anyone break his spirit ( just put it to better use! ). he played a pretty big role in loux's education as well, often pushing him to learn new things, to master them, to do and be the best he possibly can - he had the decency to help with difficult subjects, shapeshifting, birds & bees, etcs.

⸻fleur... runs a clothing store in altus; auntie fleur, ant fannie, fluflu, fluff queen, vanity in bright colors and deceptive sass. he liked her spirit, her individuality, her unwillingness to tolerate bullshit. very shrewd business woman, and on days it was her turn to deal with the family's biggest problem child, she'd let him sit in and watch her work her magic. he picked up on a lot of her energy, her exuberance and persistence, charisma and body language, committing a bit of it to memory. he learned how to bookkeep from her and she was a hardass about it. if he was gonna hang around, he was gonna get put to work. good thing, too, idle hands and all. he liked her a lot. their relationship was like any aunt-nephew relationship otherwise, something, well, normal about it.

⸻absalon... kind of a douche, studying douche physics at douche college - but loux never had any particularly strong feelings for or against him. they were bros at times and enemies at others. they were never close, even when they played together as kids. they shared remarkably few interests. any conversation beyond blahblah small talk was something loux found horrifically drab. much as he liked certain sports, talking about them was just boring. talking about anything with absalon was boring, and he had a slight ' i'm better than you cos i don't cause problems ' air about him. not a bad guy, just.... blah.

⸻antonetta... he wouldn't have pissed on her if she were on fire. next. they had a very intense aversion to one another that oscillated between cold shoulders, silent treatments, screaming matches, and outright fistfights. part of the reason they butt heads so much is because of how similar they are - both big personalities with a penchant for causing big trouble, both lashing out like wildlings in an effort to be seen, heard, and understood, being too selfish and starved for attention to give each other a few minutes in the spotlight. antonetta felt like she had to compete for letha and silv's affections, so she took it out on loux, and loux ain't a fucking rat so he never tattled ( her losing out on some minutes of fame was just a bonus to adhering to his wayward principles ).

⸻beau... he didn't hate beau at first, but the more time he spent around him and jackie, the more convinced he was that there would never be a positive bond between them. he ignored him, for the most part, but they'd always end up in verbal fistfights over some sideways comment. blah. indifferent if a little annoyed towards him. beau was a blowhard, had his head shoved up his ass and a sense of humor that dragged. just wasn't a fun person to be around.

⸻jackie... he misses the fight - the screaming matches, nearly coming to blows from how intense their fighting would get, throwing fire and lightning at each other - but not her specifically. at all ( maybe the teeniest of hints, but still just for the fight ). they didn't have a good relationship. in fact, jackie hated him and with good reason, sure, but she was constantly calling for sorciers, evoking death, blaming him for every little thing that went wrong, demanding letha & silv give him back to the state. he would sell her ass to sanguinach himself for half a potato.

#➥ Loux.#death /#illness /#consequences of existing as a criminal -> bringing it home /#/ issa doozie #/ just really long #/ also i didn't feel like getting too into certain details especially pertaining to realism #/ this is fantasy bullshit land and also this is just a big summary of it all. not supposed to be 1-1 with real life #/ anyway you can see through this whole thing that loux is just as much The problem as he is a sufferer #/ and both does and does not possess the self-awareness to shape up and be a decent person (positive character growth)#/ at least not *really*. until he's in his 30s #/ why doesn't loux want to bring back letha and silv? he does. but they wouldn't want him to #/ i'm just gonna post it as is cos it's too long and i'm starting to repeat myself i think

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