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kimonobeat · 6 years

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aiko bon “Profile interview” Chapter 1 (Part 3/3)

ーWould you say you were a pretty precocious child?

aiko: I think so. In kindergarten I’d kiss other kids in tunnels I made out of cardboard boxes. (laughs) Like, a boy would come from the other end of the box and I’d kiss him. I’d also paint my nails in secret with my mom’s nail polish, or put her lipstick on. One day I was shaving the hair off my legsーI was copying my momーand ended up covered in blood. I tried to hide it by getting the bathtub, but it didn’t really go as planned. That got covered in blood too. My mom caught me while I was toweling myself off and asked, “What happened!?” And I said, “Hm? Nothing.” (laughs)

ーBecause in your head, you were just playing a little game.

aiko: Exactly! But the games I played were games boys would play. Most of the little kids who lived in our apartment complex were boys. I never once had a Licca doll or a Barbie doll. I mostly played outside games: tag, hide-and-seek, kick the can, skateboarding, roller skating, soccer, baseball, softball, catching cicadas, catching sparrows, stuff like that. All the toys people bought me were squirt guns and other ‘boy’ toys. The one ‘girly’ thing I had was a Little Twin Stars moon set. When I was alone inside the house, I used to play this game called “Robot Q”. Or I’d play records on my record player, or read the “Karasu no Panya-san (The Crow’s Bakery)” picture books. I mostly played outside though. I always came home from kindergarten just before my dad was leaving for work, so sometimes he’d ask me if I wanted to go to the amusement park. If I said yes, he’d take me! Once summer came around, he’d take me to the beach and the mountains too.

ーDid you play any ‘girly’ games at all? Like playing ‘mommy’.

aiko: Nope. I played in the mud almost every single time it rained. You know, like making mud pies. I loooved how mushy mud felt in my hands. I never really ever wanted dress-up dolls or anything like that.

ーYou really were like a little boy.

aiko: I was, huh? I liked coloring too, though. You know those things they sell at Volks? The ones where all you have to do is just dot the color on, get it wet, and then you can paint with it? I used to do that a lot. I don’t really remember much about playing inside because I was always running around outside though… Oh, that reminds me! I used to play this game while listening to English songs on my record player where I tried to write down what I thought they were on saying on a piece of paper. I think that was when I was in elementary school? I’d listen to the song and write down the English words in katakana. I didn’t know how to write the ‘tu’ sound in Japanese when writing out the word ‘tomorrow’ though, [because there’s no ‘tu’ sound in Japanese]. I remember really fretting about it. “T… t… huh?” (laughs)

ーI’m sure you played a lot of pranks too, given how lively of a kid you were.

aiko: I did! Well, they were more like games than pranks, but oftentimes my parents ended up getting mad at me. For example, one time I was playing with a pachinko set my grandma bought me. My mom called me, and when I turned around she saw something shiny in my nose. She got so flustered. Turns out my whole nose was stuffed with pachinko balls! She went, “Oh my GOODNESS!” and took all the balls out of both sides of my nose, one at a time. Apparently when I fell asleep that night, I was making a strange sound and breathing really hard all night. She took one more look and saw that I had even MORE in my nose.

ーHow did she get them out?

aiko: We went to the hospital. It was a huuuge ordeal. I kept crying, “Chop (stop) it! Chop it, chop it!” so they couldn’t get them out. My dad told me that eventually he just said, “Give her to me!”, snatched the tweezers from the doctor’s hands, and took them out himself. I used to think that was why my nose is turned up like this. (laughs) My grandma went home during all this hubbub because she was upset. My dad had yelled at her about buying a little kid something like that. I wondered why I didn’t see her around, but that was because she’d gone home silently even though it wasn’t her fault at all. There were a couple of times when I tried to find out how long my nose would bleed too. It was summer break and I had a ton a free time, so I just decided to find out how long my nose would bleed if I let it. It trickled onto my desk and made a whole pool of blood. But then it didn’t stop bleeding even after a long time had passed, so I quit because I thought I was gonna die. Other than that… I ate too much liver once and had to take an ambulance to the hospital.

ーWhat happened!?

aiko: Nothing, I literally just ate too much. (laughs) I’ve loved liver ever since I was a little kid. I had some liver that my dad had chopped up. We were cutting each other’s pieces… my dad totally set me up for failure! I ate a WAY bigger portion than any little kid should’ve eaten and started having convulsions, so they called an ambulance. I remember them taking me to the hospital and crying, “Daaaddy, I don’t, I don’t wanna die!” (laughs)

ーYou were a pretty amazing kid. (laughs) What were your eating habits and favorite foods when you were little?

aiko: My parents were pretty strict about what I ate. They didn’t let me eat a whole lot of junk food. I got to have instant ramen every Saturday, but that was about it. At our house, the only kind of juice I got to drink were the ‘100% fruit’ kind, and the only snacks were like rice crackers and yogurt. Basically, we didn’t eat sweets that much at our house. We really didn’t have anything ‘just for kids’. Aside from them leaving the wasabi off of my sushi, I ate the same exact things as my parents. I got to have a lick of beer almost every day because of that. (laughs) I’d be like, “Gimme!” and I’d get to lick the foam off the top. My dad also brought me to a bunch of different places throughout my childhood so that I’d learn about all kinds of food. So like, I’m serious, I’ve been eating soft-shelled turtle since I was a little kid. They never gave me sweet curry just because I was a kid either. The curry my parents made was nice and spicy. That’s the reason why I like bar snacks so much now, I think. You know, like atarime, nuta, kinpira, ohitashi.

ーWas there anything in particular you really loved or hated?

aiko: I LOVED the omelettes my mom made for me. She put potatoes, onion and sweetened ground meat in them; I loved ‘em. And what I hated? My dad made me eat raw bell pepper he’d sliced into rings and covered with dried bonito flakes and soy sauce almost every night. He’d also make this super sour dish of cucumbers and seaweed in a mixture of vinegar, water and sesame oil. They were so horribly sour that I’d cry like a big baby every time I ate them. I wasn’t a huge fan of nattou or carrots either. And, since I wasn’t used to eating them, I’d feel so gross after eating potato chips because of all the oil. Yeah, you heard me. I was a little kid who couldn’t eat potato chips OR cake. They gave me heartburn. (laughs)

ーSo you didn’t have any cake at birthday parties either, or… ?

aiko: Nah. I’d blow the candles out, eat a little bit, and immediately feel awful. Everyone else would be eating cake while I was off to the side eating ochazuke. (laughs) I like rice and udon noodles quite a bit though. I also loved flour. One of my favorite things to do was make these thick okonomiyaki with just onion in it, almost like a crepe.

ーSounds like you were really big into Japanese food!

aiko: Yes I was. Ever since I was little, any time I went to my grandma’s house I’d just slurp up a bunch of nukazuke. Then, I’d eat dinner with pickled mustard leaves. I really loved umeboshi too. One time I ate 18 of them while watching “Toyama no Kin-san” on TV. (laughs)

ーWhen they said you could eat whatever you wanted, what did you ask for back then?

aiko: I’d say, “Volks”! (laughs) Volks was a reward for me because I’d always ask to go. I still like that place, especially their corn soup. Some Volks locations have a soup bar with consomme, minestrone, you name it. They’re more about soup more than they are their steaks to me.

ーDid you have anything problems eating school lunches?

aiko: The food they served at school was just eh. I was the type of kid who took so long to eat that I’d still be eating while everyone else was starting to clean the lunch room. I was always begging my friends to eat some of my food too. I’d say, “Wow, you eat so fast! I wish could be like you. You’re so awesome!! Mind eating this too?” to get them to eat my food. (laughs) Not only was I a slow eater, they also served a lot of food I hated since I didn’t really like kiddy food… Like, I hated cream stew. I’d never eaten spaghetti with meat sauce either because we only ate mentaiko spaghetti at my house. (laughs) Butter and margarine were too greasy for me and would give me heartburn, so I didn’t like that. Didn’t like milk much either. The thing I liked the most at school lunch was brown sugar bread, or stuff like tangerine jelly cups. I liked their yakisoba a lot too.

ーSo basically, you hated over half of it.

aiko: Yeah, I guess so. But when I was in elementary school, you had to stand up in front of the class and say why you didn’t finish your food at lunchtime. I mean, the real reason I didn’t finish it was because I hated it. (laughs) I’d just lie and say something like, “My stomach hurts, so I left behind one piece of bread.” That was a pretty cruel thing to do, now that I think about it.

ーWas that the only sweet thing you liked? Anything else?

aiko: Ohhh, I used to love eating the warabimochi seller that came every day in the summertime. He’d come singing this song that went “Warabiiimochi, warabiiimochiii, so coooool and refreshiiing, how about some warabimochiii?” His warabimochi melted on your tongue so fast it was almost like water. He also put a TON of kinako on it. I used to love that so much. I still like warabimochi and abekawa mochi to this day.

ーSounds like you did a lot of lessons as a kid too?

aiko: Yes I did, because I told them I wanted to do every lesson that caught my eye. Swimming, piano, English, abacus, calligraphy, and… Kumon, I think? That way I had something to do just about every day. I’m fine at starting things, but then it was hard to find a time to quit, and then my parents wouldn’t let me quit either. Not that I was going to a foreign university or anything, but it was kinda like that: easy to get in, hard to graduate from. (laughs) I did all those lessons my entire childhood because of that.

ーThese were all things you’d said you wanted to do, right?

aiko: The only one my dad made me do was swimming lessons. One of my dad’s friend’s kids drowned at the beach and went into cardiac arrest. They managed to revive him with CPR, but he made me go because he was worried about my safety if I didn’t know how to swim. At first I was so scared of the water that I’d throw a big crying fitー“NO! I DON’T WANT TO!”ーand cry next to the pool. After the third time, I swam so much I’d even cut in line waiting for my turn to swim again. I’d swim around saying, “Mom, look at me!” (laughs) I said I wanted to do all the other lessons besides swimming but would always focus too hard on the way I looked doing it instead of the fundamentals. Like sitting up straight while doing calligraphy. (laughs) I asked to do Kumon too, but I had a ton of homework almost as soon as I started. I really wasn’t sure if I could do it all, but I didn’t want them to get mad at me for quitting, so I just put up with it and kept going anyway.

ーDid you want to do piano lessons too?

aiko: I did. At first, anyway. (laughs) I started when I was 3 years old, and my hands were so tiny that I couldn’t actually play the piano. We just used paper cards instead. Like, the piano teacher would ask me, “What is this one?” and I’d say, “A ‘ti’ in treble clef.” And then they’d ask, “How about this one?” and I’d say, “A ‘mi’ in bass clef.” Just practicing how to read music. I liked when I was eventually to play the piano itself. By early elementary school I’d already learned a lot and was pretty sick of it. My teacher did one-on-one lessons with two Yamaha pianos facing each other. Sounds like a lot of pressure, right? So I’d say my ‘I wanna quit’ feeling was at its peak in first grade. It was like Pavlov’s dogs almost: I got sleepy every time I even touched the piano. (laughs). I was like, falling asleep, drooling on the keyboard while practicing.

ーDid your parents get mad at you whenever you did that?

aiko: Ohhh yeah, they’d really rip into me. If my mom heard the piano go silent while she was in the kitchen doing dishes, I’d hear her stop washing dishes and yell, “AIKOOO!” She’d go back to cleaning when she heard me start playing again. After a little while I’d stop playing and fall asleep… Then she’d come into the piano room and say, “Aiko?” And of course I’d get in trouble. (laughs) I did piano lessons up until I was in 4th grade. I think I got up to doing “Sonachine”. I don’t remember any of it though.

ーDid you hate doing piano recitals at all?

aiko: Maybe. I don’t think I liked doing them much. I’m pretty sure I’d walk on stage to where the piano was, but then I’d skip off the stage when I was done. Like, “Phew, I’m done!” (laughs) I remember everyone laughing at me for skipping back to my seat.

ーYou weren’t really interested in getting attention as a kid, but you didn’t mind getting it, did you? (laughs)

aiko: I think so? I did English lessons up until I was in early elementary school too, but the older kids would always pick on me. They’d ambush me on my way to and from lessons to pick on me. According to my dad, I was real down in the dumps because of it. So he told me to fight back. “If you get in a fight, and something happens to you,” he said, “I’ll take your side.” He said my mood did a total 180 after he told me that. (laughs)

ーWere you the kind of kid who’d get into fights with boys?

aiko: Yeah, all the time. I even practiced how to punch correctly with my dad. Early in elementary school I wanted to try it out in real life just once. I landed a pretty solid hit on a boy who kept picking on me on the way home from school. (laughs) For a moment I was like, “What have I done!?” But then the boy just got really quiet and went home. In fact, my friends would call out my name so I’d come over whenever they were fighting with a boy. I guess I must’ve seemed pretty manly to them.

ーDo you think that was because there were a lot of boys around you?

aiko: Maybe? All the kids in the apartment complex we lived in at the time were boys. I’d say there were 2 or 3 boys who were about 4 years older than me, a boy who was about my age, and a girl who was a year younger than me.

ーHow was kindergarten? Were you a handful for your teacher?

aiko: Hmmm… I used to say whatever was on my mind, so in that sense… probably. (laughs) I didn’t think twice about saying things that ended up being problems for the PTA.

ーLike, you stood out a lot in class?

aiko: I did whatever I wanted to. (laughs) Oh, speaking of standing out, one time I was the main character of a play we did. It was a story about a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, kind of like “The Ugly Duckling”. In the beginning, everyone’s mean to the caterpillar: “Ew, you’re dirty! Gross! A caterpillar! Shoo!” The caterpillar wonders why it’s so different from everyone else. Then it gets its wings, and it turns out that the ‘caterpillar’ is really a swallowtail butterfly. I was the main character of that story… I really was an oddball.

ーAn oddball, huh? (laughs)

aiko: Yup. But you know, now that I think about it, of course I am-- I’m my parents’ daughter after all. ‘Like father, like son’, right? They’ve got totally different personalities, and I’m a mix of all the good things about them. I think about that a lot. My mom and dad were meant for each other... We used to have a lot of pets at our house even though my mom hates animals. I’m not sure what was going on then, exactly. (laughs) We had almost 100 birds.

ー100 birds!? Can you even do that in an apartment building?

aiko: No, they weren’t supposed to have them. We just kept them a secret. We had an American short-hair cat at first, but had to return it to the pet shop when the landlord found out. But guess who didn’t learn their lesson? We had a Shih tzu after that. The Shih tzu was so attached to our landlord that he just said, “Fine, but keep it a secret, okay?” The whole apartment building became officially ‘pet-friendly’ after he gave us the OK. (laughs) He said he changed it because we were his very first tenants to move in. Soon enough there were so many pets in the building, it was almost like a pet exchange. People were saying stuff like, “Here, I’d like to give you a turtle.” (laughs)

ーBack to the 100 birds you guys had though…

aiko: We had Java sparrows, society finches, canaries, and Gouldian finches; crucian carp, koi fish, snakeheads, ranchu, shrimp, eels, pond loaches, catfish, Japanese rice fish, crayfish, turtles, and crabs in our aquarium; a Shih tzu and a mutt, as well as a hamster and a rhinoceros beetle.

ーA rhinoceros beetle? (laughs)

aiko: Yes. (laughs) They’re always selling them at Expoland whenever I go there. I hate bugs now but was totally fine with them back then. We also kept cicada larvae at our house. I used to watch them emerge from their shells.

ーWhere do you even keep all these pets, anyway?

aiko: Out on the veranda. Which is why their veranda always looked like a jungle, even though it was super tiny. The left side of the veranda was the corner where we kept the fish, the right side was the corner where we had all the bird cages stacked on top of each other. You go inside, and that’s where we kept the dogs and the hamster. The ranchu swam around in the entryway of the apartment. My dad took good care of all of them, every single day.

ーDid you have any pets that were sort of weird, or unusual to have as pets?

aiko: Hm… Well, we never had any reptiles… Maybe the flying squirrel? We also had… what was it… we had piranhas and such too.

ーI wouldn’t keep one of those as a pet. (laughs)

aiko: Well, we didn’t think anything of it! My dad got so excited watching them grow. He had so much fun taking care of the piranhas. (laughs)

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#aiko #aiko yanai #yanai aiko #aiko bon #translation

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elleberquist6 · 6 years

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Believe in Me - chapter fifteen

Summary: Dan Howell is living at home while he’s saving money for college, which isn’t easy since his parents don’t understand him. Unlike them, he loves dogs, is a vegetarian, has no interest in the family business, and he despises the supernatural. He struggles to accept things that are illogical, even though he is a kitsune. Kitsune are foxes whose powers involve the ability to cast illusions, but Dan just wants to be normal. Phil Lester has just moved to London, where he works as a dog walker. When his path crosses with Dan, Phil is eager to get to know him. Unfortunately, Phil soon finds that being friends with Dan is far more complicated than he could have imagined.

Rating: Mature Word Count: 1684 Warnings: Slow Burn, Eventual Smut

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Kitsune fact: Shrines are dedicated to kitsune, where devotees can leave offerings. Fox spirits are said to be particularly fond of a fried sliced tofu called aburage, which is accordingly found in the noodle-based dishes kitsune udon and kitsune soba. Similarly, Inari-zushi is a type of sushi named for Inari that consists of rice-filled pouches of fried tofu. [https://littlespacefox.weebly.com/kitsune-mythology.html/]

Dan’s phone buzzed and he checked the message, smiling when he saw it was from Phil.

Hey :) Are you awake? Phil asked.

no i am writing this to you in my sleep zzz, Dan replied as he smirked.

Oh, you’re asleep are you? I’ve always wanted to talk to someone while they were asleep.

why what do you want to say, Dan asked.

I’ve heard that you can suggest things to people when they are asleep, which will influence their behavior when they wake up, Phil answered.

and what would you suggest to me, Dan asked.

I’ll do it right now: Have dinner with Phil. There! Your behavior has been influenced and when you wake up you’ll have the urge to show up at my place tonight ;)

oh really? :D okay, what will we be having for dinner

Phil’s response came after a delay, as if he was hesitant to ask something. Dan, I hope this doesn’t offend you, but I was wondering if you eat sushi. You know, since you said you can’t eat cooked meat because of the smell.

Dan thought about it. He hadn’t eaten sushi since becoming a vegetarian, but he used to love it. As he considered it, he didn’t think that sushi would bother his stomach in the way that meat did, so he told Phil, sushi sounds great thank you

They then made plans for dinner that night at Phil’s apartment.

When Adam materialized in his bedroom not long later – Adam had been coming around more since they got on better terms – Dan started to formulate a plan. As his brother drifted around the room, idly criticizing Dan’s sense of style, Dan bit his lip as he thought how to ask this. Finally, he worked up the courage. “Adam, would you show me how to do an illusion?”

He had expected a snide remark, but Adam turned around to face him with a grin. “Of course. I thought you’d never ask.”

Dan took a deep breath to steady himself as he stood on the threshold of Phil’s apartment. Then he knocked. Phil opened the door almost immediately and he pulled Dan into the apartment. “I’ve got something to show you!” Phil exclaimed as he led Dan to the kitchen.

Dan’s jaw dropped as he saw the meal spread across the kitchen counter. Phil had gone completely overboard, and this was not what Dan had expected when he agreed to sushi for dinner. “This is too much,” he said. “I can tell you spent a lot of money on this…”

“Don’t worry about it. I wanted tonight to be special.” Phil waved away the expense as they looked down at the plates. Phil started pointing to the dishes. “In case you changed your mind about eating fish, that’s a vegetable roll with cucumber, avocado, and cream cheese. The one next to it is a spicy tuna roll. That one over there is a rainbow roll with crab, tuna, avocado, and cucumber. This one is a crunch roll with tuna, seaweed, and tempura. The last one is a dragon roll with eel, crab, cucumber, and avocado. Oh, and I also got some inari.”

Dan jumped at the word. “You got some what?”

“These.” Phil pointed to a plate of something covered with breading. “They’re fried tofu filled with rice and carrot strips. Dan, what is it? You got really pale for a second.”

“Sorry, I’m fine. The name just startled me.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “Was that the name of the god who we saw a statue of?”

Dan nodded as he looked at the inari on the plate. “I didn’t realize there was a type of sushi named after him, but it makes sense. Inari was the god of rice cultivation. I don’t know anything else about Japanese gods. I only know a little about Inari because I’ve read about him in association to kitsune. The books claimed that some kitsune follow him and work as his messengers; they’re called Myobu and Zenko kitsune.”

Phil nodded. “Are your family either of those things?”

“No,” Dan shook his head. “My dad and grandma are Yako kitsune. My brother is a Reiko kitsune. My mum is a Gumiho, which is a bit different from a kitsune. I’m nothing in particular yet, just a kitsune.” Dan shifted uncomfortably, wanting to change the subject. He looked back to the food spread across the counter top. “I can’t believe how beautiful this looks. Food should not look this pretty.”

Phil grinned as he accepted the change of subject with ease. “I know, right? It’s too pretty to eat. Did you want to grab a stool? We can eat right here.”

As Dan sat, he turned his head to hide a smile. Phil was far too nice. It was obvious that he was more than curious about this part of Dan’s life, but he never pushed too hard to make Dan open up. It made Dan want to do something for him in return, which was why he had asked for Adam’s help earlier.

Phil placed two plates before them and also some bowls of ginger, wasabi, and soy sauce. There was an open bottle of wine and some glasses on the counter already. Phil held up some utensils as a choice before Dan, “Silverware or chopsticks?” Dan selected the chopsticks while Phil gave himself the silverware. “I always end up just stabbing things with chopsticks when I use them. I hope you won’t judge me.”

“Never,” Dan said with a grin. He felt so at ease with Phil that he finally worked up the courage to say, “Can I show you something?”

When Phil nodded, Dan closed his eyes. He focused in the way that Adam had shown him. He had practiced this in his room with his brother’s help, and it had worked. He thought that this would be so much easier to do in front of Phil, since he always felt relaxed around him, but Dan hit a wall.

He opened his eyes, seeing that a lone cherry blossom was drifting through the air to land on the counter beside Phil’s plate. Phil’s eyes were wide. “That was so cool.”

As they watched, the cherry blossom vanished from existence. “There was supposed to be more,” Dan said. “Something else was supposed to happen.”

“That was amazing, Dan. Really.” They started eating, but they were both quiet and distracted. Eventually, Phil broke the silence. “I meant what I said the other day. You don’t have to put on a magic show for me. I find you interesting without it.”

Dan nodded, but he kept his eyes on his food. “I know. I believed you, but I wanted to do something for you anyway. I just… There’s an issue I have, and I thought I was over it, but I guess I’m not.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Phil asked.

Dan took a bite of inari while he thought, but he nodded. Dan started slowly, “Something happened when I was a kid. I was six or seven when I was playing on the front lawn. I was doing an illusion – I don’t remember what – and I didn’t think anyone would see, but some older kids walking by saw me. They came into the yard and demanded that I show them how to do what they thought was a magic trick. I couldn’t do it and they kept insisting, even when I started to cry. They wouldn’t leave me alone and they wouldn’t let me go into my house. I got scared, and my tail appeared. They called me a freak and kicked me in the stomach.”

“Oh, Dan…” Phil sighed. He reached out to place his hand on Dan’s on the counter top, and he gave the hand a squeeze. “I’m so sorry.”

“It was okay. My grandma heard and came out of the house to save me. She chased them off. My ribs were bruised, but I was okay. Really.” He gave Phil a wobbly smile, but it wasn’t very convincing based on the look Phil gave him. He dropped the smile. “That was one of the last times I tried to do an illusion, until today. I’ve been…”

He doesn’t need to say what he’s been. Phil understood, and he pulled Dan into a hug. Dan fell to pieces and cried against Phil’s shoulder while Phil rubbed his back and murmured soothing things. As Dan calmed, he felt a wound he hadn’t realized was still opened finally begin to heal inside of him. His eyes were still closed as Phil held him, and Dan tried to focus once more on the illusion that Adam had helped him with.

Phil gasped, and Dan pulled away from him. His cheeks were still wet, but Dan was smiling as he dried them. He looked behind them to where Phil was staring. A blooming cherry blossom tree was growing out of the floor behind them. It shifted in a noncorporeal breeze, raining them with pink petals. Phil poked at a petal that landed on his knee, and then he beamed at Dan. “You’re incredible.”

“Thanks,” Dan said with a blush. “For everything.”

Later, once they had finished their dinner and stored the leftovers in the fridge, Phil asked, “Can you stay longer? We could watch a movie.”

Dan bit his lip, hesitating before saying, “I’d like to stay later. Actually, if it was okay I was wondering if I could spend the night.”

Phil stared at him with wide eyes. Then he lunged forward to give him a kiss, making Dan giggle breathily against his lips in surprise. “So, you want me to stay then?” he asked.

“Yes,” Phil said. “Please.”

#phandom #phanfiction #dan and phil #dan x phil #kitsune #magical realism #illusion

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rainwashedhistory · 4 years

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Quarantine Journal

Apparently I am incapable of maintaining a daily pace -- part of this is trying to fit ONE day in at a time and finish the day and then forgetting the next morning. I'ma TRY to get back to it but let's go a little free-form right now. Maybe I'll start posting weekly instead? Today is 6/13. Some shit's gone down.

Shawn, my old boss from WWP died. I feel bad that I never got to tell him what he meant to me. I wrote a pretty long memorial thing on insta/facebook. I'ma repost it here too... with a couple, more honest updates. Readmore at the end.

I'm planning to go up to Redding for Shawn's memorial right after Father's day. Terrified of COVID but hey. This only is going to happen once. I'm gonna stay with my high school bestie, and hopefully see my friends Aleesha and Robyn, at least. And get some chicken rolls. The sushi place we used to go to is under new ownership buuuuuut. And this will almost certainly be the last time in my life I'm ever going to go to waterworks park, so let's make it count, I guess? I bought a cute romper onepiece swimsuit that hides a bit of the quarantine bod.

On the way to Redding, I am officially gonna hit up Liz's place! I miss my girl. Need to meet Connor!

Stafford House is officially gone for good. I have cleaned out my classroom. There are rumblings that the school might be bought by another co. that wants to do more vocational training -- fingers crossed that happens and that I'll have a job there? Yikes. Hello Future, indeed. I also stole my CAE books. Hell if I'm giving those back. I also took my test binders and a few mini-whiteboards that Patti offered

There's been a ton of BLM protests here. I feel guilty af that I haven't been to a single one or done much of anything -- I just don't feel safe doing so. Both physically, at protests where cops are pretty openly inciting violence, and... situationally? OANN is quartered here, and if my parents see me at one of them, I stg they'll kick me out of my place. Things downtown are pretty boarded up. And like I'd be donating but I need to fucking save my money because COVID relief unemployment is not gonna last forever.

I spent like 2 weeks not talking to mom. Had a call with her a couple days ago, though, and it was... fine. No major yelling about politics. Phew.

Therapy... I went this week. Meh. I'm not sure it's helping all that much. I really want to start going in person again, this teletherapy stuff is balls.

I've been applying to jobs. It's the worst. Especially because even though there are a handful of job postings, with COVID, who even knows what'll happen. will schools reopen? I should really start pouring myself into the online teaching stuff but so many sites make it so difficult. I re-applied to ALI, god give me strength. And I need to re-apply to Miramar. SIGH.

I'm hanging out more and more (every saturday) with Ricky, Mat, Stazia, and Nick. This is helping give me some balance. And kitty time. Whenever their skittish cats come chill with me I feel blessed.

I killed my sourdough starter, somehow. All orange tinged. Nick gave me a new one (dried). I built it back up and have since found a me hair, a cat hair, and a big ass bug in it. WTF? It still... looks good though? Gonna give it a bit to see if it goes off, too.

Meals for this week incluced hot honey butter-glazed chicken, fettuccine pasta & mushrooms, and one-pan vegetable udon. All three were good but not necessarily mind-blowing. I probably should start food logging again?

Painted my nails all pride-y. Will post a pic later.

Bought lighting for computer desk and bedroom, FINALLY

Cats seem mostly flea-free, though mimosa is still not sleeping on the bed like a psycho

FINALLY (like 8 months later) got my car engine steam cleaned, will try to get an appointment to get my engine checked before I try to drive up to fucking Redding

Got the prelim documents in for my RealID. I need to get an appointment at the DMV but they're not scheduling them right now

School starts Monday. I am nooooot ready.

Mortgage is delinquent? Inquiring about COVID relief stopped payment on our autopay and now things are all messed up. SIGH I hope this doesn't go on my credit.

Haven't been walking nearly enough. It's really hard to make myself shift into that again, and frankly I need to. It's been three months since I've worked out at all.

Keeping up with RnM with Erica.... it's a fucking wild ride and I'm soooo glad she loves it as much as I do

Started playing Assassin's Creed Odyssey. It's fun af, but also not like... engrossing like HZD was, which means I don't feel too cranky when I can't play. holy SHIT the world is huge tho. And gorgeous. But again, maybe... too huge, and too samey-same. I get that that's the region, but I loved how HZD changed so much depending on the area you were. SPEAKING OF HZD, the news about H2FW came out and hooooly shit I am hyped. We're going to Cali!

Here have some more mask GPOYs

Other stuff:

Temp still normal, in the high 97/low 98 range

RHR is hovering around 64-67

Steps have been in the 2-3000 range, yikes

Weather has been lovely, why am I not going out more???

Ok fam, that's it. Time to shower, get dressed, and head over to R&M's for weekly mandated social time.

source

https://katalyst.livejournal.com/494991.html

Shawn, you were my first, and one of my best mentors. You promoted me to management when I was an anxious, terrified, by-the-book 18 year old who had absolutely no idea why she was even considered for the position. You had so much faith in me and my abilities and you were the most patient boss I have ever had -- you taught me every year, for years, how to start up the pumps again, until I literally could do it in my sleep, even now, over a decade later. You taught me how to fix almost anything in the park, and you never acted like there was anything I was too fragile or stupid to do -- even when others did.

You were tough, and I never wanted to get on your bad side... but you were also supremely kind -- I remember you yelling at almost everyone, at least once, except me. Even when I deserved it and I made mistakes that would cost the company money. I remember begging you to take it out of my paycheck and you just stopping and laughing and telling me it was okay, just not to do it again. I think you knew I would crumble, and all you ever wanted to do was build me up.

You knew the value, and the joy in a hard day's work... and you also knew how to take it easy, and that both are vitally important. I remember the day I slept straight through my alarm and you opened the whole park without calling me, just to give me a little break. I remember the way you taught me that management was never above any job -- if you expected your employees to do something, you'd always pitch in and show them that you weren't too good to clean a toilet, too. I'll never forget your 36 hour days, or your calling in well to work, or shiraz Saturdays. I desperately miss sitting in your office or up on the side of the river ride and eating pizza and talking. Everything I loved about Waterworks really came down to working with you and the community you helped foster there.

You taught me how to find my voice and stand on my own two feet in a job that I found utterly terrifying, after living with a family where I never had one. You were a second dad to me -- one who stuck up for me, who was always in my corner. I honestly don't think, if it weren't for you, that I would have found the confidence to pursue teaching. There is so much good in my life that you helped me reach for, and I will always be grateful.I'll be opening a big bottle of Yellowtail this Saturday in your honor. I miss you.

#livejournal #crosspost #gpoy

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