#and i wanna be sure i'm happy with each entry and that they make sense to some extent before posting haha

[spectrearia-archive]

reached 20k words in khalan's journal lately! :0 i'm starting to lay out some of the main puzzle pieces of the arc i'm working towards, and it feels really good to finally be able to bring those elements into the journal after all this time.

I have a clear vision for how the story ends once this arc comes to a conclusion (at least, the journal itself will end, though the characters' stories continue beyond what I'll be writing), but the trick will be balancing this arc with the typical slice-of-life stuff in between. that's mainly the type of story this has been so far, and I don't want to stray too far from that by introducing a more formulaic approach instead.

we'll see how things go from here on out, I guess. I'm just gonna continue writing whatever is fun and what feels right, and hope that it's still entertaining and engaging as events continue to unfold ;o;

#been taking my time with updating online tho #because i'm editing and adding in new entries between older ones as i go #and i wanna be sure i'm happy with each entry and that they make sense to some extent before posting haha #but yeah!! still pretty proud of myself for sticking with writing even now #i haven't really forced it too much either so every time i think of another entry it's something that flows decently well when writing #and i dont have to think too hard about it unless i'm in the editing phase #anyway i'll stop rambling haha #just wanted to share that writing milestone !!! #writing #spectre says

[the-ways-i-like]

Entry #1

We met on June 11th.

To make this a fair retelling of the story, I do have to provide some context;

I was done.

I'd been on so many dates. So many conversations with boys, with girls, pouring myself into giving it my all each time.

I wore cute outfits, I did my makeup, I was charming, I was funny, I let myself stray out of my comfort zone, I made moves.

But, I just didn't like anyone. They were all nice, all attractive people, the dates always went really well.

No spark, though. No matter what I fucking did, there was no spark to ignite the abundance of gasoline in my heart.

So, I quit. Stopped swiping, stopped talking to anyone new, stopped saying yes to invitations, stopped coming home to tell my flatmate how the latest date was.

I think it was maybe a week or 2 weeks later after a chill night with my flatmate, when I was laying bored in bed, too wide awake to fall asleep that I ventured back to the dating apps.

I lazily scrolled through for a while. Swiping on hot guys, messaging the ones who were particularly interesting with absolutely no intention to meet any of them. Then I stumbled across your profile...

Honestly, it's pretty shit. Sorry, you're lovely but that profile needs work.

You had just 2 pictures and a short blurb proclaiming your fluency in english. Had a little joke about not owning a vespa. Had a giggle about that. Then a bigger giggle at the 2nd picture on your profile - a photo of 5 guys on a balcony in various states of disarray. They all looked a bit similar but it was so well-done I questioned whether you had photoshopped yourself over and over again or if it was 5 different boys.

I believe my opener was about the boy in a red hoodie. I told you he made me laugh the hardest in the photo and I was ready to propose. You said I was in luck, because all the boys were you.

Sense of humour and a meme-worthy quarantine photo? I was on board.

I'll spare you the minutiae but you moved fast. Asked me out pretty quickly. I was prepping for exams, I didn't really wanna go but I thought I may as well give it one more shot.

I'm glad I did.

We had a picnic and talked for hours. Walked around and you asked me what I was looking for. I told you I wasn't sure but all I knew was that I was happy on my own and my heart was overflowing - I was looking for someone to give the excess to.

Later, we chatted some more on a park bench, watching each other's features fade with the light.

You gave me butterflies.

I hadn't felt them in ages.

I worked us into a conversation to give myself an opening - I told you, "I'm going to kiss you now."

You said, "okay."

And I did.

I liked how you tasted. I'm not a fan of cigarettes but I liked how they tasted on your tongue.

Your teeth were really sharp. Still are but I remember feeling you nip at my lips and marveling at the bite of pain they elicited.

I pulled away shy and blushy and you made fun of me for the face I was making.

We walked back to the metro, kissed again and parted ways.

You texted me so I had your number and promised you weren't a murderer.

It was cute. I was excited but cautiously so.

But you wanted to see me again and I wanted to feel the butterflies beat their wings at the walls of my abdomen again.

I said, "Yes".

#gxg #diary