#and i did feel a smigeon of clive barker in there and then he was in the acknowledgements too

[variousqueerthings]

finished reading "tell me I'm worthless," which was an interesting experience. I think there's something really good for you in your soul to be able to understand the genre conventions you're in and the kinds of structures and language and character that can be explored in these genres. I think about how people tend to -- with fiction about marginalisation and/or about people who are marginalised as a blanket whole, regardless of the story -- operate on a checklist of dos and donts, but mainly donts: don't ever tell us a deadname, don't ever use these "problematic" words to describe them/or have them describe themselves in this way, don't ever describe negative emotions or "problematic" emotions, don't let the characters have harmful traits (either towards themselves or others), don't hurt your characters at all actually, don't make your characters politically uncomfortable or "problematically" complicated in their political outlook and/or journey, don't make your characters be assholes ever, certainly don't traumatise your characters, and under no circumstance do you kill your characters!

which of course, this book does praaaactically every one of these things, thank goodness

#with the deadname Thing i am reminded of responses to the last of us part 2 and tbh also the latest doctor who specials #there's a kneejerk reaction as if writers/directors have outed someone's actual deadname or as if knowing that someone has #a deadname will invalidate them to a non-trans audience #lot of scar-tissue that aches around all of these points generally and horror has the ability to kick down the door on that and say #you do not have to read this story -- but this will be in this story. so if you are ready to approach these themes and these ideas #this is a safe structure -- the walls of a book or a screen or a play or an audio drama or wherever you are #my issues have very much been around social coding and not understanding what is and isnt allowed and an intense anxiety around #always saying the exact right thing at all times (not just in marginalised spaces but everywhere all the time) #(im doing it right now actually -- getting anxious about all this phrasing) #(this book is opening up pathways in my brain) #very much a meta piece as well -- it knows and acknowledges shirley jackson especially but ofc also angela carter and du maurier #and i did feel a smigeon of clive barker in there and then he was in the acknowledgements too #i have not read the last person listed so helen oyeyemi goes on the list #im reading books #alison rumfitt #tell me im worthless