#and he would say he's being VERY authentic. VERY real. his 'real' is just deeply theatrical.

[extasiie]

What kind of love are you?

Love as a Performance

Your love is a masquerade, a dance, a work of art. You love with a veil across your face, unable to allow anyone to see the real you. Can that be considered love, you wonder? As a performer, you have all your lines prepared, and you know exactly what to say and when to say it. You’re charismatic and bold, seductive and hypnotic. Your love is a snake’s melody, the siren song of the sea. Your love is enchanting. Your love is melodic. Your love is afraid and fearful and longing. You ache to tear the veil off, you ache to cast poetry aside for the sake of something real and gritty. You’re terrified of the very thought. Being loved by you is to be loved by an artist; it is to be a muse. It reflects others beautifully, but never, ever yourself. Not really. Not truly.

Tagged by: @charmantevamp

Tagging: @1end, @frxncaise, @polarean (for andrei, of course!), @melpomeneprose (uno reverse to your other account because i want to hear from my dear sister elenushka <3)

#hm. well this definitely has some things correct. it is for sure performance. it is the siren's call. it is affected. #but i don't think anatole is self aware enough to recognize or think that any of it is false #it's just the thing he has to do to get what he wants #and he would say he's being VERY authentic. VERY real. his 'real' is just deeply theatrical. #this idea of anatole yearning for something simple to let him cast of the artifice of seduction is just Not true. man loves his artifice. #and i think this makes anatole seem more studied and careful than he is in love. #he's not a mastermind rehearsed artist of love. he's a chaotic love protégé that is simply charming and naturally talented enough to wing i #;; as handsome up close as at a distance [ self ] #||x a fact known only to his intimates [ headcanon ] #||x i have long wished to have this happiness [ queue ]

[obetrolncocktails]

Deception | Josh Kiszka X Reader | Part 4

Warnings: angst, stalking, embarrassment, miscommunication, depression, JOSH SOBBING IN HIS MOM'S ARMS, some suspicious shit, broken off engagement, foreshadowing.

Word Count: 6,243

A/N: Hey guys! It's been a while, but it's here! Prepare for your hearts to be broken and broken some more. Josh is pitiful in this chapter, and I just wanna hug him and tell him it's gonna be okay. Also, there's an OC in this fic (Hailey), who has no relation to anyone in real life, I just needed a mechanism for something....I won't give too much of it away.

Summary: They say it's not the bomb that has the lasting effect, it's the fallout. You'd shattered each other into millions of pieces, so where do you go from here? What's left to save in the wake of explosion?

“He’ll come to his senses, I know it,” Hailey, Sam’s girlfriend assured you, forking through her salad. Her demeanor was nonchalant, but her words filled you with relief, even if it was through false hope. 

“I hope so. He has every right to be hurt for what I did,” you began, leaning against the park bench, squinting your eyes as you looked into the trees above. “I lied. I didn’t tell him that I knew who he was before–before everything.” You pulled your hands up in the air in front of you, frustrated with the truth of the situation. You had spent the last half-hour explaining the very thing that had torpedoed your relationship with Josh. 

“So, you didn’t lie,” she said, chewing a large bite with her hand covering her mouth. “You just withheld information.” She shrugged, batting away a fly. You couldn’t stop thinking about how nice it would be to be able to dismiss the severity of the situation like she did. Then again, she wasn’t the perpetrator. You were. 

“Everything was just so great,” you reasoned, sighing deeply. “We were in love, we had sex for the first time.” You covered your face from the dismay and groaned into your palms. “I love him so much, and I’ve fucked it all up.”

“Just by keeping some things to yourself?” She asked, her eyebrows raised. You watched her crack open a bottle of juice. “I don’t think Josh could possibly hate you for that. Hurt? I get it, but not hate.” She shook her head for emphasis as she tilted her head back for a sip. “How did he even find out? Did you tell him in that letter? Cuz, wow. Bad timing on your part,” she said, offering a cringing expression, gritting her teeth together. 

“No, I was waiting to tell him after his birthday. I wanted him to have a great time at the party.” You realized that the beds of your nails had begun to bleed from picking at them. You rolled your hands into fists and continued. “This is so embarrassing, and unbelievable,” You began. 

“What do you mean?” She asked, turning toward you, obviously more enthused and interested than before. You didn’t make eye contact with her as you stared forward, watching as a squirrel turned to look at you before skittering away with a captured acorn. Here’s where you’d have to admit that you’d had-have a stalker. 

“Someone knew about all of it. Knew about my account. Knew that I was a fan of the boys before I ever met them,” you started, your voice thin from painful guilt and from the feeling of being violated. “Even knew that I…” you trailed off, ashamed of yourself. “That I wrote smut about them.” She nodded silently for a long moment. “That I had a following on social media–a fan account.”

“Wow,” she said finally. “That is a lot. How did anyone find out?” She asked, putting her curly hair into a loose bun. 

“I don’t know. I privated the account when I met Josh. I should have just fucking deleted it,” you admitted exasperatedly. 

“But you didn’t,” She continued. You shook your head no. 

“Nope,” you answered, staring ahead. “They stole my password, changed the authentication phone number–everything. They stalked me for an entire month and a half, threatened me, followed me, took pictures of me, and destroyed my life. I have no idea who they are, or what they want. I haven’t gotten another text, so maybe they’re happy now. They got what they wanted.”

You had left your entire lunch unattended at your side, and, glancing down, you noticed an orderly line of black ants assembling up and into the salad container. Good for them, you thought. Absolutely nothing in your body had a desire to eat, anyway. “Have you heard from Josh?” She asked after a deep sigh. “He’s been off the radar since the party.”

“No, and I don’t expect to hear from him any time soon,” you said with a shrug, a gesture that felt as if you’d been holding the weight of the world on your shoulders. “I understand.”

“You don’t feel the need to defend yourself?” She asked, her expression changing to that of confusion. 

“It’s not worth it to argue my position and lose him forever,” you decided. “I thought about writing him a letter and leaving it in his mailbox,” you shrugged again. “But I don’t know if he’d read it.”

“I think he would,” Hailey argued. “Josh loves you, Y/n. It would surprise me if he just thought that you were some traitor or something this entire time. You can’t fake love.”

You took a deep breath. “I guess we’ll see what happens. Maybe he’ll just ignore me for the rest of my life, and I’ll just move to a remote island that’s far off the grid.” Hailey snorted. 

“I don’t think you’d survive very long,” She grinned before standing up and grabbing her trash. “You didn’t even finish your lunch,” she said, turning to watch the insects feast on your salad. “Ready to grab Jita? I can’t imagine they’re still doing her hair,” she said, rolling her arm in front of her to glance at her apple watch. You nodded, taking the first step forward, tossing your uneaten meal in the nearest trash can. 

***

“I don’t know what to tell you, Jake. Do the rehearsal without me,” Josh said exasperatedly, rifling through his closet to fill a duffel bag. “I don’t really give a shit.”

“Hey man, you don’t get to speak to me like that. You signed on to be part of this band. It is your responsibility to be there. It’s on the damn contract!” Jake raised his voice slightly, but what was more intimidating was the rasp that had grown with his rising temper. “You don’t get to run away.”

“Watch me,” He seethed matter-of-factly, elbowing past his brother. Jake stood there for a long moment debating his next move.

“Can you at least tell me where you’re going? So I know you’re safe…” Jake began, stepping out of his brother’s bedroom and into the living room where Josh stood, zipping up the large bag. 

With a deep sigh he finally answered. “I’m going home. Okay?” He said, looking up at Jake. Though Josh seemed to be acting out of intense anger, Jake could see within his brother’s gaze that it was a safety mechanism. It was easier for him to be angry than it was to process how deeply hurt he was. He’d remain closed off for now, and everyone would have to be okay with that. The best path forward would be to give him the space he needed. 

“Okay,” Jake agreed calmly, nodding his head once as he placed his arms across his chest. “Please travel safely,” he insisted. 

“By the time I get back, have Y/n moved out,” Josh ordered, disregarding his brother’s concern. His eyes were blank and absent of feeling as he uttered your name. 

“Come on, Josh,” Jake attempted. “You’re not even going to speak to her?”

“She knows exactly what she did to me,” he said, hiking the bag on his shoulder. “She can go live with one of her fucked up friends.”

“Who?” Jake asked, confused. 

“I don’t know, maybe one of the thousand that write fucked up stories about us.” Josh’s eyes were wide and wild, and it almost scared Jake. 

“You’re hurt–”

“I’m not hurt,” Josh stopped his brother. “I’m fine. Really. I feel stupid. This whole thing. It’s all a fucking joke.” 

“She loves you, Josh. You can’t just throw your entire relationship away–tell me how that makes any sense.”

“I know you think you’re being helpful, Jake, but I don’t want to hear it. I have a flight to catch. I’ll text you when I land.” With that, he was up and walking out of the door. Jake followed his brother out of the house. “And I meant what I said about her moving out,” he finished, before closing and locking the door behind him. 

“Okay,” Jake swallowed, regretting that he had to be the one to relay such painful information back to you. “You sure you don’t need a ride to the airport?” Jake offered. “I could spare the half-hour.” Josh shook his head. 

“No. I love you, but I’m fine. I want to be alone.” With that, Jake left his brother to back out of his own driveway toward the airport, following him until he had to make the turn toward his own house. 

***

Danny’s house was beautiful, but it didn’t feel like home. You no longer had your own apartment, your parents lived hundreds of miles away, and couch-surfing with friends would only be a viable option for a few more days. You knew that while you were at his house, you wouldn’t be a bother to Danny. You had missed several days of work already, and had stayed to yourself in his spare bedroom until the growling in your stomach became so severe, you were forced to pull yourself from your depression hole of a bed. 

 You heard your phone ping from beside you, and you reached for it. It was Hailey. 

“Hey babe, what are you doing today?”

 You had half a mind to respond,“Oh, you know, loving life,” but you refrained, instead typing “I have nothing planned. I’ve been laying in bed all morning. Please save me from my own depression pit.”

With the motivation of possibly getting out of the house, you stumbled to the bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror, and instantly regretted it. You were surprised that it didn’t crack just by the sight of you. Your hair had never looked worse, and your eyes were extremely puffy. Your cheeks had begun to break out from the stress of the last week. Sighing deeply, you forced yourself to take a shower, cranking on the faucet of the and waiting for the water to heat up. 

You weren’t sure how long you spent in the shower, but it was long enough for the searingly-hot water supply to turn ice cold, forcibly removing you from underneath it. 

“Y/n!” Danny called from downstairs. “I’m making some lunch, want something?” 

You cracked open the bathroom door and shouted back down to him. 

“Sure, anything you make is great!” 

“Cool, cool!” He responded casually. 

You stepped out of the bathroom, taking care to not slip as you dripped water onto the hardwood floor. You cursed yourself for not being patient and drying off adequately. 

“I figured we could go shopping, or do something to get your mind off things,” Hailey had texted back. 

You began to compose a message back to her. “Yeah, I think some shopping and walking around would help. Maybe we could talk about some things. Not sure who I can really turn to right now, you know? I don’t want to involve the boys, specifically Danny, more than he’s already involved. Josh is already pissed at him.”

“Just us! Don’t worry. We’ll make it a you and me day,” She texted, finishing with a heart emoji. 

“Meet at Danny’s in half an hour?” You asked, and she instantly answered back. 

“Sounds great!”

You tossed your phone onto the bed and heard it thump into the covers. You hadn’t spent much time with Hailey alone since she and Sam had started dating. Usually she would hang out with her local friends, and occasionally you and Jita would tag along with Hailey and you’d do something together. The lunch you had shared in the park the other day had felt kind of strange, but at the same time it was relieving to vent to someone who wasn’t directly in communication to Josh. Hailey was very responsive with everything you had to say, and for the most part, she didn’t seem to be judgmental, which surprised you. Something about her always made you feel a bit uneasy about getting too close. Now that you had chosen to lean on her for support, maybe she’d be just what you needed.

After getting dressed and brushing your resisting tresses into a ponytail, you grabbed your phone again, absently scrolling through tiktok, your heart thudding in your chest when a fan-made tiktok of Josh appeared on your FYP. You sighed deeply, and threw your phone back down on the bed, but decided after a long moment to pick it back up. You hadn’t tried to reach out to Josh in the last few days. His broken expression at the party had terrified you, broken your heart, and left you paralyzed to even know how to begin to explain the whole truth to him. Opening a new message to him, which you hoped would be delivered– God willing he hadn’t blocked your number. You took the gamble anyway and began a message. 

“I know you don’t want to talk, or really have anything to do with me, but I need you to know that I do love you, Josh. I love you with everything I have. Every bone in my body, every breath I take–is for you. You found out something I had kept from you for a while, but I intended to tell you. I wanted to tell you, until someone stole that from me. I’ve been stalked by someone for more than a month, and they threatened me over and over again. They had photos of me–” You deleted the last phrase for fear of going on too long. 

“Please don’t end things like this–this silence is not like you. Even if you’re angry, and hurt, which I know you are. Please talk to me. Please. I have made mistakes, but the one mistake I didn’t make was falling in love with you.”  You hit send. You felt as if someone had dropped the weight of the world back on your shoulders, and there was nothing you could do about it. So, for now you’d pretend to be okay. You walked downstairs and began to prepare for the day, shoving down the despair for a little while longer. 

***

Delivered. 

Josh had turned off read receipts to all of his usual contacts. He didn’t want to talk or entertain them. He simply wanted to disappear. As soon as his flight landed, he pulled his duffle bag off of the plane and retrieved a rental car, putting it into drive and almost immediately getting back on the road. Within an hour, he had pulled into the familiar town, passing the buildings and businesses that he had frequented his entire childhood and adolescence. He wanted to bring you here. He wanted to bring you back to his hometown, and show you everything that had made him into the person he had become. Now, all of those wants were thrown into the air with so much confusion, hurt and anger, that he had no idea what to do with it all. He finished the rest of the drive by forcing himself to tune out the sentimental thoughts that pried at him, the beautiful Michigan scenery rushing by without another thought. Occasionally through the drive, he swiped away the tears that betrayed his shredding composure. He knew this route by memory, having memorized every turn, every redlight and passing sign. And there it was.

As he approached the house, it took everything in him to not fall apart in the front yard. Stepping out of his car, he reached in and grabbed his bag and trudged up the stairs to the entrance of his childhood home, ringing the doorbell, which felt incredibly strange in the moment. Within seconds, Karen opened the door, her eyes wide as she discovered her son on the front steps, his eyes welling with tears. 

“Josh? Honey…”

“Mama–” Was all he could say before letting go. His mother was the one person in the entire world that he couldn’t, and wouldn’t lie to. No matter how hard he had tried, he couldn’t hide how utterly destroyed he was. 

“Oh, baby,” she comforted, pulling her arms around her son as he sobbed over her shoulder, his embrace so desperate and tight–as if he clung to her as hard as he could, he’d wake from whatever terrible dream he was having. His sobs ran loud and free for the first time since his birthday party, and Karen stood there with him in the heavy silence, holding him, her hands rubbing long lines up and down his back in a soothing pattern. 

“It’s okay, baby. You’re home,” She murmured softly, kissing his head over and over, rocking him back and forth in the afternoon sun. They stood there for a long time, Josh’s sobs slowing over time into choked sniffles. When they finally parted, Josh’s face had grown intensely swollen, his eyes exceptionally puffy, and his face reddened with exertion. 

“Come inside,” Karen said after another moment. 

“What’s going on?” Kelly asked, spinning around in the recliner in the living room. “Josh?” He asked, standing up and walking into the kitchen. 

“Hey Dad,” Josh offered with a tearful smile, wrapping his arms around his father, who returned the hug firmly, patting his son’s back. 

“I’m sorry about your girl–about everything, you know,” he said, attempting conversation, as much as Josh would allow. Josh offered a simple nod in response. 

“Did you come by yourself?” He asked, his eyes glancing at the front door. 

“I wanted to come alone,” Josh said, taking a deep breath and letting it out. “I really just needed to be away from everything. Out of Nashville.” Josh wiped the wetness of his tears from his face on his pants and continued. “I just–” He shrugged, unable to explain further. 

“Don’t worry, baby,” Karen comforted him. “You know you’re always welcome to come home. We miss you when you’re gone, you know.” She took Josh’s hand, rubbing her thumb over the tops of his knuckles. 

“I made soup for dinner,” She mentioned, turning over her shoulder toward the kitchen. “It’s in the crockpot. Let me make you a bowl,” She insisted. 

“I’m fine, Mom,” Josh assured her.

“No. You’re going to eat. You don’t eat when you’re upset. I’m your mom, and I know you well. Eat this bowl, and I won’t bother you again tonight about it. Can you do that for me?” She asked, eyeing him sternly. Even in his fragile state, she still parented him like she always had, and in a way, though Josh would never admit it, it made him feel the tiniest bit better. 

“Yes, Mama.” 

“Can you put ice in glasses?” She asked as she ladled portions into bowls. He did as he was told, bringing out the glasses and filling them with ice.

“We’ll just eat in the living room,” she explained. “No need to set the table.” 

Being home quieted the hurt for a little while. His mom and dad loved him more than anything in the world, aside from his brothers and sister, and they did a good job showing it. 

“Your sister was here earlier. She’s visiting for a few days before heading back out to LA,” Kelly explained, spooning food into his mouth. “She’s doing the whole fashion thing,” he continued. It had been a long time since Josh had seen Ronnie, and though he was in pathetic shape tonight, he’d most definitely want to see her before he left for Nashville. 

The rest of the night was quiet, and Josh spent the evening curled into his mother, watching a movie as she mindlessly combed her fingers through his hair. After a while, he fell asleep, calmed into slumber by her nurturing spirit. 

“Josh, honey,” she said after a while, stretching through a yawn. “I’m going to head to bed,” she mentioned, rubbing his back to rouse him from sleep. 

“Hm?” he asked groggily, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Oh,” he responded, looking around into the dimly-lit living room, deciding that he, too, was far too tired to stay awake any longer. 

“Me too, mama,” he agreed softly, standing up and stretching his limbs with a low groan. 

“Dad put sheets on your bed,” she told him, standing up and reaching for the remote to turn off the TV. “I’ll see you in the morning, sweetie. Thanks for coming home,” she smiled softly, stepping over to give her son a long, firm hug. “I love you so much,” she spoke. “And I’m sorry you’re hurting, honey.”

Josh squeezed his mother tightly, laying his head on her shoulder as she spoke. “I missed you, Mama,” he admitted, feeling emotion cause his throat to ache from the possibility of crying again. He cleared his throat and began once more. “I love you so much.” 

“I love you too, baby. Get some sleep,” she said, planting a soft kiss on his cheek before stepping down the hall to her bedroom. 

In his childhood bed, Josh fell asleep almost instantly, suspended within the most restful sleep he’d had since the birthday party. Between the crickets chirping and the whir of his ceiling fan, he let his thoughts wander into a mindless drone of noise.

***

“Knock knock.” Josh’s eyes cracked open, squinting from the light cutting through the curtains into the bedroom. 

“Mom said you still weren’t up.” Josh felt the mattress sink towards his feet and turned to see his sister sitting cross legged at the end of the bed. 

Josh groaned, gazing at Ronnie, waiting for his eyes to adjust to a new day. “No peace,” he said softly and grumbly. “I get no peace anywhere.”

Ronnie moved to plop on top of Josh, chuckling when he groaned even more. “Get up!” She pushed, jostling him by the shoulder. “Mom told me what happened, and it’s my job to get you out of the house.”

“Let me mope in peace,” he grunted, reaching for the closest pillow, pulling it over his face. 

“Nope,” she insisted, stepping off of the bed to pull her brother by the arm. “Come on,” she grunted from the resistance that Josh’s weight posed. 

“Fine, fine! Ow!” He complained, stumbling out of his sheets. “Are you happy now?” He asked, scratching his head sleepily. 

“Very. Wake up and get ready,” Ronnie told Josh. “We’re going on a hike. You can’t say no.”

“No.” He said, leaning toward his sister, speaking just beyond the curve of her ear. 

“Ugh, you’ve got morning breath,” she said, scrunching up her face. To Josh’s amusement, he made a point to huff a deep puff of air into her face, chuckling when she swiped at the air with disgust. 

“You’re going, even if I have to drag you,” she said, stepping into the kitchen where Karen stood, cooking breakfast. 

“Going where?” she asked, turning over her shoulder as she worked on a batch of scrambled eggs. 

“I’m making him go hiking with me,” Ronnie announced matter-of-factly, a casual smile spread across her face as she shrugged. She walked over to the barstools at the island, and Josh followed, plopping down beside her. “Do I have permission to drag him out of the house?” She asked, echoing her warning to Josh. 

“Only if he doesn’t come back whining to me about it,” Karen said, grinning. “Josh, you should go. It will be good for you to get out of the house,” she said. “How do you want your eggs?” She asked, turning back to the pan. 

“Fried over medium. I’ll just make a sandwich if you’ll make the eggs,” he said, getting up to place two pieces of bread in the toaster. “Where are we even going?” He asked, turning to his sister. “There aren't really any places to hike,” he argued.

“Okay, we will be walking, but still,” Ronnie said, reaching for her plate as Karen handed it over the counter. 

Josh stepped behind his mother, reaching into the fridge for a bottle of orange juice. “Okay,” he agreed, taking a swig out of the container. 

“Joshua!” Karen scolded, turning and attempting to swat him with the now-cold spatula. Josh dodged his mother with a grin and a chuckle, plopping down in his seat beside his sister. 

***

“It’s been forever since I’ve been down here,” Josh admitted, looking out beyond the trail, watching birds stir from the comfort of their languid, sleepy pond, batting their wings and taking the air, flying high up into the sky, disappearing behind the alpine trees. “Probably since high school,” he said after a moment. 

“It’s been a long time for me too,” Ronnie admitted. The trail was only a mile from their house. Growing up, the kids had taken turns throughout the years of finding refuge in nature, taking the time to think and work through anything that may have been troubling them. Now, when Josh wouldn’t have thought twice to come back to this place, Ronnie had quite literally dragged him back to his roots, reminding him of the quaint protection that this area had served all those years ago. 

They were quiet as they walked together side by side, Josh kicking a worse-for-wear pinecone down the paved walkway. The asphalt was littered with a thin layer of pine straw, disguising the man-made trail underneath it. “So,” Ronnie began. 

He looked at her without a word, waiting for what she was going to say next. “You’re really not yourself right now,” she finally said, sighing. “Tell me what happened. Please.”

“There’s nothing really to tell,” Josh shrugged. Ronnie rejected his poor explanation instantly. 

“That’s not true in the slightest. You come home barely once a year these days,” she explained, stopping on the trail to turn to him with her hands on her hips. “If you’re here, I know it has to be bad,” she continued. “So tell me what happened.” 

It took much coaxing, but after a while, Josh began to open up, beginning somewhere in the beginning of the relationship. “Everything about her just makes sense–or made sense. She was so special. She understood me. She’s patient, funny, beautiful–” Josh continued, struggling to keep his tenses consistent, caught within the uncertainty of the current standing of his relationship. Ronnie nodded, arriving at the first bench, and sat down. Josh joined her and continued. “Since the beginning, we couldn’t get enough of each other, and it wasn’t like infatuation or anything like that,” he said, pulling off his Kavu hat to tangle his fingers into his unkempt curls. “She just knew me. She got me. I’d never ever had that before,” he said, his eyes cast down as he picked at the seam of his shorts. “Not in the way that left me thinking about her every single night. She’s my best friend.” Ronnie could hear the hurt in Josh’s voice, how the last words had crackled as they came out. 

“And what happened for that to change?” She pushed. 

“I don’t know how to explain–it’s so weird, I can’t–”

“Tell me one thing at a time,” she said softly, crossing her legs under her as she adjusted in her seat. “Take your time.”

“At my party, she handed me a card,” he said, his eyebrows furrowing as he remembered. “And she was smiling and so happy–I thought it was a birthday card.” his hands lifted in front of him, before dropping to his lap defeatedly. 

“Inside, there was a letter that said that Y/n knew who I was before we even knew each other. She wrote–she was–” he got hung up on his words. “She wrote stories about me. About the band.” Ronnie nodded slowly, understanding. “She had a whole dedicated blog about me– about the band, I mean.” Ronnie watched as Josh fidgeted with his clothing. “She lied. She led me on to believe she had no idea who I was when we met. The entire time we were together, she was a fan, not a stranger. I feel so–dirty? I don’t know.” 

“So she told you in the letter?” Ronnie asked, picking apart the situation one piece at a time, trying her best to understand. 

“No, it wasn’t her handwriting. It looked familiar, but it wasn’t hers. There were printed out pictures of her writing–screenshots of her blog, I guess.”

Ronnie let silence wash over the conversation for a long moment. “Josh,” she said, mostly as a statement. 

“Yes?” He asked. She looked out at the scenery in front of them. “Do you love her?” She asked, turning to look him in the eyes. 

“What?” He asked, though he heard exactly what she said. 

“Do you still love Y/n? Because so far, you’ve spent way more time telling me about the amazing things than you really have about the bad parts,” she said, tucking stray hairs behind her ears. 

He stopped for a moment and sighed. “Of course I love her, Ron,” he said. “Hell, I was going to propose to her at the party,” he continued. “But she ruined it.” She let the sting of his words calm before continuing.

“What’s the most hurtful thing about this whole– you know?” Ronnie asked. 

“I just feel lied to, and led on,” he admitted, rubbing his chin in an attempt to pacify and comfort the vulnerable feelings. “I don’t know what’s real anymore.”

“She didn’t really lie to you, exactly.” She said, squinting from the intense sunlight, turning to look at Josh. “Yes, she should have told you, but I can imagine that wouldn’t have been an exactly easy conversation to have,” she admitted. “And even so, it’s so embarrassing. Do you really think Y/n had this drawn-out plot to find you and make you fall in love with her? You’re many things Josh, but you’re not an idiot,” She said, punching him gently in the shoulder. He offered a half-smile. 

“I don’t know what I expected,” he answered. 

“Maybe she didn’t expect to ever meet you in real life. And–maybe she fell in love with you honestly. It didn’t matter that you are famous, or that it was you that she fell in love with.” She shrugged. “Have you ever considered that might be the case?” She asked. 

Josh shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“How did you guys meet?” She asked out of curiosity. 

“At the grocery store. On the pasta aisle,” he grinned, embarrassed. 

“Who spoke first?” She asked, as if scoping out Josh’s concerns, walking them back to the very beginning of the relationship. 

“I did,” He admitted. “She chose Rao’s sauce,” he grinned, nodding. “Girl has good taste.”

Ronnie chuckled through her nose. “You’re a loser.”

“How did she react when she met you?” She asked, moving further down her list of questions.

“She couldn’t speak straight, but she smiled so wide. She was funny–clever. Something about her just screamed to me that she was a good person, an interesting person,” He went on. “We clicked instantly. So much so that I didn’t bother getting her number. I knew I’d see her again.”

“And?”

“And I did. At the bar a few weeks later,” He went on. 

“Did she know that you were there?” She asked. 

“No, I don’t think so. She was with friends,” Josh continued. “From that night on, I just knew that it was her. I would have never told her, but I just knew it.”

“So do you really think she was pretending the entire time?” She asked finally. 

Josh was silent, trying his best to find words to say.

“Josh,” She began again. “What is the one thing that the world needs more of? You always say it.”

“Love,” he said, eyeing his sister with a suspicious rise in his brow.

“Did you even let her explain everything? Give her time to tell you all of it?” Josh shook his head, looking off in the distance. “Nope.”

“Why not?” She asked. 

“Because in the moment, I felt so violated that I couldn’t even look at her. I mean, I had the ring in my pocket, Ron.” 

“If you had the ring and were ready to propose, that tells me you were prepared to spend your life with her,” she replied. “You’re not a casual person, Josh. You never have been. Are you really willing to throw away what could be the love of your life over something she obviously feels awful about?” 

There was another long silence, save for the wind brushing through the trees. 

“And it doesn't make sense how you even found out about it,” she continued. “Who told you? Who wrote that card?” 

“I don’t know,” he explained. “Honestly, I didn’t even think about it,” he explained. “I knew Y/n didn’t know that it had been switched, but at that moment, I didn’t care. I just wanted to leave.”

“I’m going to be very honest with you. I don’t think it’s very fair to Y/n to believe everything you were shown at first glance, and then not even know where the information was coming from, even if it was true.” She delivered her opinion honestly, but still remained careful. 

“Danny knew about it. He knew everything.”

“Josh, it’s Danny we’re talking about. Do you really think he would betray you by siding with a crazy stalker fan?” Josh stared straight ahead, picking nervously at his cuticles. His gaze fell, staring down at the ground for a long time.  “You’re no longer the kid from Frankenmuth who sings in choir and gets the lead in musicals. You’re not a nobody.”

“Wow, thanks,” he said with a sarcastic chuckle. 

“You’re famous, Josh,” She continued. “And you’re becoming well-known in circles you probably never expected or dreamed of.” Josh nodded. “I don’t think it’s fair to place that expectation on your partner–to be a perfect stranger who’s never heard of you, even if that is how you think you’d want to meet them. If it ends up happening that way, cool, but don’t determine the end of your story together based on how it started.”

“I just didn’t want to be known for my music when it came to stuff like that,” Josh explained, visibly disappointed. 

“And why’s that?” She asked, crossing her legs as she adjusted in her seat. “Don’t you think that your music is an extension of who you are as a person?” 

“Yes, but that’s not what I mean,” He said. “I just want her to love me for being me, and I felt like she did, but now, I feel like I’m questioning everything.”

“You know what you need to do. You’re upset, and rightfully so, but I don’t think you’re upset that Y/n was a fan of yours. I don’t think that at all. You’re upset because she didn’t feel like she could tell you the truth. You’re hurt that you had to find out the way you did. You wish you’d heard her tell you first, and not in front of your closest family and friends. That was wrong.” Ronnie’s words were hitting home for Josh, and it was exactly what he needed to hear. 

“You can be hurt by someone and still love them. You can be hurt by someone and still want to be with them and work through things. I can’t tell you what to do,” She said, standing up from the bench. “But I can tell you that the brother I know would have told me the exact same thing. You would have told me to trust my gut, and lead with love, even if you end up getting hurt in the end. So,” She said, stepping forward and placing her hands on his shoulders. “You need to go home and talk to her–and you need to decide now if you love each other enough to move past this.” 

“Who taught you to be so wise?” He asked, his lip curling with enthusiasm. 

“Mom and Dad,” she answered with a grin. “But I’ll throw your name in there if it makes you feel better,” She finished. 

“I love you,” he said, pulling her in for a long, well-needed hug. 

“I love you too, turd,” she answered playfully, squeezing her brother tight. “I know you’ll make the right decision.”

“I hope I will,” he said, already lost in thought. 

“I know you will,” she repeated. “You’re Josh. You’re always the heart of everything.” Josh couldn’t exactly understand why it had made him so emotional, but Ronnie’s words had simultaneously shattered the rest of him, and repaired the broken pieces all at once. You’re always the heart of everything. He’d continue to be that person, even if it meant that he would hurt in the end. 

“I’m going back to Nashville,” He announced, clearing his throat, working through the emotion.  “I need to fix this.” He swallowed, straightening his posture as he stood up. 

With a keen eye for departing flights, Josh had cancelled and rebooked the soonest one he could find, opting for a less than ideal airline and paying an exorbitant amount of fees, but he didn’t care. He’d determined that through all of the hurt, he still couldn’t tell himself that he didn’t care about you, and no amount of convincing himself would stop him from loving you–being in love with you.

Touching down in Nashville that next morning, he booked it to his house as quickly as he could. 

He was coming home to you–if you were still home, for that matter. 

End of Part 4.

Taglist: @doodle417 @watchingovergvf2@capturethechaos @sammyfuckingkiszka @ace-harrington @gvfvanfleet @flo-gvf @sacredthefran @jjwrites @jmkho @joshsindigostreak @gold-mines-melting @allieisacrybaby @sammysprincess@gretavansara @dannythedog@demolitionndann @gretasmokerising @shesawomaninadream @sonicbaptism @vixenstail @hearts-hunger @malany-gvf @cal-a-bungaa @rhythm-of-space @alwaysonthemend@meetingthestardust@ageofsinners @katelynn-gvf @ageofwagner @dannythedog @allieisacrybaby@sacredthethreadgvf @takenbythemadness @st4rdust-ch0rds @joshysgirl @gvfvanfleet @gretasfallingsky @madneedshelp @lipstickitty @demolitionndann @myownparadise96 @meetingthestardust @vanfleeter @gold-mines-melting @sacredthefran @mini-vann @sacredthethreadgvf @love-and-greta @gretafaninheat @positivegvfthings @loveisonaroll @writingcold @tearsofjosh @meetingthestarcatchers @fallonfatality @puzzle-gvf @takenbythemadness

#Greta Van Fleet #gvf #greta van fleet fan fiction #josh kiszka #Josh Kiszka fanfiction #Josh gvf fanfiction #josh gvf #Josh Kiszka angst #josh gvf angst #gretavanfleet #Josh Kiszka imagine #Josh Kiszka x reader #greta van fleet fanfiction #greta van fleet fic

[autistichalsin]

Hello 🙏Big fan of your work! thank you for sharing with us your wholesome analysis content, can't get enough of it .I feel this to some extent to be another layer in his character :,) maybe i can't fully extend on why it would make sense but is this something? Sorry

I perceive Halsin as someone who, deep down, might feel unworthy but chooses not to express it. It seems that throughout his relationships he has carefully crafted his expressions, possibly out of a desire to avoid burdening someone he cares for with his inner struggles. The carefully chosen words and planned sentences might be a way for him to shield his own insecurities. While he outwardly promotes freedom in relationships, there's a suspicion that this stance might stem from a reluctance to express his true feelings of unworthiness, creating a facade of responsibility instead of authenticity.

In his pursuit of love, Halsin paradoxically insists on the potential for greater happiness with someone else, repeatedly emphasizing freedom in the relationship. It's as if he wants the love of his present relationship but hesitates to fully embrace it, perhaps until it becomes unmistakably clear that he is genuinely and deeply loved. Until then, his expressions may be veiled attempts to maintain a sense of control over his vulnerabilities, revealing his true desires only when he feels secure in the reciprocation of love.

Guyyyyyyys you're gonna make me blush!!! How am I at the point where I'm getting fanmail in my inbox now!!! *Kicking my feet and blushing*

I agree for sure that he tries to shield others from his own stuff. Maybe not out of a sense of unworthiness per se, or maybe it is. But he definitely doesn't feel like he should ask for the same emotional real estate that he gives to others.

However, I will politely say I don't agree with the rest of this. I don't think him being poly is a cover for any of his insecurities (nor does it stem from his traumas, I.E. in the Underdark). It is who he is, especially as a wood elf; polyamory is the default in wood elf culture. (In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if the consent given by other characters, who otherwise want monogamy but make an exception for Halsin, is given on the basis that Halsin is a wood elf). The devnotes for the scene where Halsin explains his nature says "sincere. This is a core belief of his." Halsin is poly and traumatized, not poly because he's traumatized; Halsin is poly and struggling with asking for what he wants, not poly because he can't say what he wants.

The "you're all I want" line that usually gets picked as proof of him not being poly is, IMO, a poorly-written one- what he is trying to say there is that the player is all he wants at that moment, not forever. It isn't uncommon for poly folks to be in relationships with a single other person, not because they aren't poly anymore, but because there aren't any other poly partners around. That's what Halsin is getting at.

I hope this response doesn't put you off or anything! I appreciate your message very much. I just fundamentally can't get on board with any attempts to link Halsin's identity as a polyamorous person with trauma and/or emotional insecurity.

#halsin #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

[jennycalendar]

i’m a black girl and i adore martha, and i think the tenth doctor did NOT deserved her whatsoever. i feel uncomfortable with the idea of martha being paired with the guy who put her through so much horrible situations and was even racist. bc i mean, yeah, the characters aren’t real and rtd is racist & the real responsible for his characters actions but no other character in his era behaved as nasty as ten towards black people. he brushed off martha’s concerns about her race and invited a racist to the tardis so they could have a romance together while martha was there, and he comparing her to rose as if she’s second best, to the point martha admits he can’t see her for who she is, he’s just remembering someone else—someone who he wished was there instead of her—rose. and the way he dismisses her pain in the last of time lords and cries miserably for the man who imprisoned and slaved her family for an entire year. i know the master is his best friend and they have this toxic and complex relationship, but i can’t see him acting the same way regarding the tylers or the nobles, he’d be so pissed off with the master and would prioritize rose’s and donna’s feelings. he’d be like twelve with clara and missy. i think ten’s writing is very racist because, well… he is. sorry. but he is. twelve literally punched a racist to defend bill, ten’s chosen a racist over martha… the fact that she literally left because of the shitty, unfair way she was treated... and as someone who has been in martha’s shoes too many times, i feel really negative and repulsive about this tardis duo, especially with the romantic view on them.

sorry i had to vent off as i’ve seen too many people who’s against this pair having their reasons unfairly invalidated. when most of us are martha stans who believe she deserves all the good things–which tbh is the total opposite of giving her a romance with… ten, out of all incarnations. i have been noticing the martha fans who have a romanticized view on their relationship love to act like everyone who’s against it have racist reasons for it, like. no. just no. we’re not delusional and that’s it

hi! i just got off work, but i've been thinking about this for a minute. my response will be long, as i feel this deserves.

i first wanna preface this by saying that not wanting the doctor to be with martha is more than understandable given how horribly he treated her in canon. i myself struggled through all of her season, and i'm still not 100 percent sure whether i'll be able to watch certain episodes again. absolutely, the way ten treats martha is horrendous, and i would argue that all of his actions towards her in canon are informed by the racism woven so deeply into rtd's era. but the thing is, i feel that saying that the tenth doctor is racist is not going hard enough.

to say that ten is racist means overlooking the fact that ten as a character is supposed to function as someone who pays attention to the intricacies of marginalized communities. this was the authorial intent. the fact that the authorial intent involved ten being consistently racist towards martha means that the bias that must be examined should not be centered around the doctor himself, but with the writers. the writers authentically believed that the tenth doctor was not being racist when he allowed martha to be objectified by shakespeare, harassed by the woman he would later profess the potential of love to & express a desire to travel with, regularly reacts with visceral disgust/discomfort when she flirts with him (that one is the one that's the worst to me!!!) and i feel like saying "ten is racist" limits the scope of how monumentally awful it is that the writers wrote all of those things and still believed that they were writing a hero.

the doctor is always intended to be viewed as someone who has the best interests of humanity at heart. the doctor has also always been written as someone who fights for the rights of people that have been marginalized and oppressed, who makes tearful and impassioned speeches for the humanity of people who are seen as subhuman. the tenth doctor especially is portrayed as someone with boundless compassion who can see the good in everyone and always wants to find a way to forgive and love. this is the inarguable authorial intention re: the tenth doctor. this is why, to me, saying that he is racist erases how fucking horrifying it is that he is written as Not A Racist Person, Ever, while spending an entire season being viscerally, brutally, repeatedly racist to martha.

to sorta demonstrate my point: i think harry potter is a much better example of in-text bigotry from a fictional character that goes hand in hand with the writer's bigotry. ron responds to hermione's crusade for the rights of the house elves with "but they like being enslaved, hermione," and the narrative demonstrates that ron is right. which, sure, fucked up of jkr for perpetuating this message about forced servitude, no question, BUT ALSO ron as a character was raised within a system that repeatedly enforced this idea of the house-elves liking their servitude, was given no reason to question this message, and is not the kind of person to question it anyway. this is so, so, so different from the doctor, who has always been the kind of person to question shitty behavior, to fight for what's right, and to seek for and admire people exactly like martha.

and now to loop back to my own thoughts on ten and martha! i feel that my little two-sentence posts on "martha and the doctor could be cute" definitely did not delve into what motivated my statement. i wanna stress one more time that, if you have watched canon and cannot ever see martha and the doctor together because of how awfully he treated her, that is 100 percent valid and reasonable and i would never dream of correcting you. my anger towards the people who dismiss tenmartha as a concept has always been directed towards the people who are saying that ten could never love martha like he loved rose. i am very sorry that you saw my posts and felt otherwise.

i do not romanticize ten and martha's relationship as it exists in canon. as with my points re: ten, this is a situation where i am responding to a glaring gap in the writing. if the tenth doctor really was consistently written, written as we are intended to see him -- as a person who is loving, kind, always looking out for the people he chooses -- i honestly can't see a timeline where he wouldn't have some sort of romantic feelings towards martha. i feel that a season three written effectively could still carry forward ten's complicated feelings for rose while also honoring the joy and wonder of martha -- specifically, by having ten avoid romance with martha not because she's Not Rose, but because he doesn't want her to be a rebound, and he's worried that admitting he's enamored with martha would mean stringing her along (which, of course, in this situation, he would still be doing). i think a compelling story could be written about martha responding to his awkward and halfhearted attempts to rebuff her while never really letting go of her hand. the narrative would shift so much more clearly away from the clearly racist message of "the doctor obviously could never love martha like that" and so much more towards "the doctor is in love with martha and deeply emotionally damaged, and she deserves better."

but, again, this is the way i choose to engage with the text! and i wanna be really clear that this comes from a place of wanting to articulate exactly how ridiculous it is that the doctor would not love martha, when everything we learn about him as a character in every other season suggests that he would and should love her. if you see this discrepancy and feel antipathy towards the character for it, that is absolutely your prerogative and i would never ever take that away from you. it is fucked up writing and we are all dealing with it however we choose to. if you wanna watch s3 and hate ten forever, i truly think you have every right to do it. this is how i personally choose to express my own anger, and i hope it makes a little more sense laid out like this.

#asks #meta #i have a lot of feelings about this because i personally just. just cannot fucking believe #that there are people who watch s3 and feel even remotely ok about rtd's era afterwards #i like flipping the writing off by saying ten could love martha #i like the idea of him coming to the notion of loving her just as she's leaving him (because he fucking sucks at treating her right) #but i also so deeply long for the timeline where the show actually acknowledged how absurdly compatible that they are #instead of relying upon shitty racist writing to assert that he'd never see her like that. #anyway!!! i hope this helps clarify my feels #i agree with anon i just think it's worse than that.

[yuikomorii]

Do you have a personal opinion/analysis about the relationship between Laito and Ayato? I think those 2 are the S brothers with the closest relationship… 🤔🤔 I would say that surprisingly Laito is almost affectionate with Ayato at least when he is hurt… If I remember correctly there's a couple of times where Ayato is been hurt and Laito rushed to him so I was surprised in the prologue of dark fate and in his route Laito didn't seem concerned about Ayato and it's even worse in Ayato's lost Eden route… ummmmmmmmm but then I've been told Laito did say that he LOVES his brothers? In which game was that??? Ajj i need to find a good big essay talking and analyzing the bond between this 2, there was a vs of they that was very emotional? Is there any more moments in other CD dramas that you know? What do you think?

// OH, I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!

Ayato & Laito analysis:

Although Ayato and Laito get along the best, their relationship is pretty complex. They love each other, but in their own ways, with Laito's case being more complicated. I recall Laito saying that he loves his two brothers, but I don't always believe the context was genuine because his perception of love isn't really... genuine. Laito is an expert at reading others, but when it comes to himself? Nope.

Ayato is sort of a sensitive topic to Laito, as evidenced in the Ayato vs Laito CD drama. Laito claims that he envies Ayato in this particular phrase that stood out to me: 「 真っ直ぐで純なままのアヤトが妬ましい… 」 which basically means “I envy the upright, pure Ayato…” and only by the words he uses when describing Ayato, we find out the reason he “hates” him. He knows Ayato is a really good person, and the fact that Ayato is honest and pure-hearted irritates him because he deeply believes that if Cordelia hadn't defiled him, he would have been like that as well.

As a result, every time Ayato sacrifices himself for others, expresses his true feelings, calls others out for their behavior, admits his mistakes, and generally acts heroic, Laito is disgusted because it increases his envy. You know those people who can’t stand others simply because they’re too good to the point that it makes them feel bad in comparison? That’s basically Laito with Ayato. However, Laito would undoubtedly worry if Ayato were to unexpectedly sustain a wound.

I hope this explains why Laito didn't care about Ayato in LE or when he was injured while protecting Yui in DF. Off topic but I despise Ayato's LE route, and the fact that he's the TRUE route makes matters worse. It just feels like the other Sakamakis are only family-oriented and kind to each other for fanservice because a love interest's most canon version is literally the one portrayed in true routes, since that's... the real universe, for this reason it saddens me. I really hate how they made Ayato apologize and be so supportive in other routes, which were literally like: “You matter, don’t give up!”, while his route was like: “You DON’T matter, give up!”

Now, regarding Ayato's opinion on Laito; it was confirmed in the same versus CD that Ayato "hates" Laito because he is never honest. And no, it's not always about lying or doing things like that; it goes much deeper. Laito conceals his true self behind a façade, and only Ayato and Shu are aware of this. The cheerful, perverted and optimistic Laito is not the real Laito, he’s simply faking it. Ayato is someone who is true to himself, he’s authentic and not pretending to be someone else, and that’s exactly why Laito’s behavior bothers him.

I can't deny that he genuinely cares about Laito, which was evident in LE. In Laito's LE route, Laito refuses to accept the fact that he became king and thus refuses to accept responsibility. Ayato, on the other hand, tries to help his brother by filling the space and keeping an eye on the Demon World situation for him, as well as looking after Yui. Ayato actually feels bad for him and as far as I recall, he even admits that if Laito died, he would suffer.

I can't help but feel sorry for Ayato, given that he still feels guilty for what happened to Laito in the past, even though it wasn't his fault. In that CD drama, he even expresses that he truly wished to help Laito.

You can also notice that in Young Blood, when Ayato arrives to the hideout of Shu, Reiji and Subaru, he immediately asks where Kanato and Laito are, and when he learns they're missing, he's on the verge of going after them even though it would be extremely dangerous.

Okay, enough with the sadness; let's move on to happier topics. It is clear from the routes that Ayato and Laito spend the most time together. It is somehow due to boredom but at the very least, they really act like brothers. I love how Laito always finds a way to tease or embarrass Ayato, like when he told Yui about his embarrassing secrets or asked him to wear a princess dress, haha. I also like when they include Kanato in their discussions; it makes me happy seeing that all three of them are spending time together like real brothers! ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭

#diabolik lovers #ayato sakamaki #laito sakamaki #dialovers #sakamaki ayato #sakamaki laito #admin

[floareadeaur]

I'm the anon who asked for hcs with ferid in intimate moments. I also think that such labels as 'vanilla' or bdsm don't fit him, I don't think that he would care about this stuff, and neither do I. But I couldn't find any better words to describe what I wanted to say. I also didn't want to write a long essay about it lol. I am curious about vampires' nature and how their emotions work.

First of all, I thought that you are a reliable person that can actually see Ferid for who he is. I also knew from the beginning, when I started reading the manga, that Ferid, and many other characters, aren't how the fandom perceives them as. It is sad how so many characters in such amazing mangas and animes get so misunderstood by the whole fandom. I knew that Ferid had many 'secrets' and that everything he shows to the world is simply a facade. I knew that he had hidden motives and he may be an antihero. I understood that he was actually a lonely and generous soul, besides all his masks that he puts on to hide this vulnerability of his. I don't want to write an essay about him, so I'll just say that I agree with everything that you write about him.

Second of all, because I realized that there's finally another person that can really understand these characters in OnS, I decided that it is best to ask for your opinion on this matter, since it confused me. I thought for a long time that all vampires are asexual, but I saw how many vampires in ons break the stereotypes of vampires in their universe. So I've been wondering for a while if Ferid can also feel lust. I like your writings and your perspective about him. I can also feel that you genuinely love Ferid, even if he's fictional, because of how much of your soul you put in these analyses and stories. I guess that the Seraph of the End fandom perceives Ferid like how so many other people in the ons universe view him as. That's why so many characters in OnS are driven to do something for their love for someone, but Ferid may be the only character who REALLY was unloved, alone and misunderstood his entire life. I sometimes wish that Kagami would add a love interest for Ferid that could understand and love him, even if the manga is not about romantic love, rather about familial love.

But it's worse when you're a ferid kinnie and the fandom also thinks that you kin him for being 'creepy' and a clown with daddy issues. LIKE WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS FANDOM?? I am part of many fandoms but this fandom is the worst one that I have ever been in. If I were Kagami and I saw how this fandom is, I would honestly kms. So much effort is put into these writings of Kagami, only to be misunderstood and fetishized by the whole fandom.

Hello!

Honestly, I did not expect to receive such a message. Usually, the feedback here is non-existent. I can say that it is one of the most beautiful surprises of my existence on tumblr. Thank you!

I prefer this type of communication, where people who read this blog talk openly and honestly with me, saying exactly what they think, what they like about what I write, or what they love about this series. Or, last but not least, what frustrates them about fandom.

Maybe it is because that is how I feel a real human interaction here, or maybe I just love discussing everything in depth!

Do not worry about using those terms. I have a very long opinion about the origin of "BDSM", or the way today's society influences such labels. All I can say is that, as you pointed out, I do not see Ferid falling into such "mechanical" labels.

I do not see many characters being into these labels, honestly. But I guess it is easier to classify characters under such categories in a black-and-white fashion.

To touch more on the topic you opened in the previous question, about what Ferid would be like intimately, I deeply emphasize his need to live truly, authentically and freely, as who he really is.

That is why I think he manifests very naturally and organically from an erotic perspective and just loves passionately, as it is said. Showing his real personality, being vulnerable. Love for him must be genuine.

Perhaps many do not notice this. But this character has extraordinarily sharp and objectively correct discernment.

For Ferid, good is good, bad is bad. His understanding of the world and values ​​is not distorted. That is precisely why he is so angry that his world, including his soul, is created from darkness, from a curse, a putrid origin. Because he realizes well what normality would be, something that does not exist in OnS. And he longs for this good and harmonious ideal.

That is why he is so frustrated and angry at those who should have given him genuine love: his parents, his older brother, Rígr. Remember how he tells Rígr, in their discussion in chapter 91, how he believes it is a father's duty to teach his son "the meaning of life". And beyond any irony, Ferid is right. It is the duty of the parents, the older brothers, the figures who have authority and responsibility over the little ones to genuinely love and care for them.

But Ferid was only objectified and used by all these people who played a fatal role in his existence, especially considering that he was a child, or at most a teenager when he interacted with them, meaning that he was an extremely impressionable being, an easily marked, vulnerable one.

And on the principle of his own universe, he tries to pay back all these people. Revenge is not something that makes him happy, given the ideal of a good universe that he would like, so he suffers.

But this tangibly demonstrates how Ferid knows what true love is, but has never met it. He tries to create it, going so far as to change the rotten origin of the universe that created his soul and holds him captive.

For me, this shows a special nobility of soul, a huge potential that Ferid has.

That is why I believe that if Ferid met genuine love, especially romantic, erotic love, he would give everything for it.

Of course, it is a situation he never encountered before, and he needs some time to get used to it.

That is why I described him in the previous answer as appearing "frozen" sometimes, stiff.

But if she truly loves him, Ferid opens up and resolutely offers a love of the same kind.

Ferid needs to be seen as human. A human person is not a label. How Ferid is not a label. A human person has a complexity of nuances, a paradox of experiences and feelings. Perhaps the hardest thing is seeing someone as human, not projecting your expectations onto them and just understanding that person.

In his love for his beloved woman, Ferid could be seen thus, humanly, in his complex reality with all the nuances. And he would see her that way too.

For the first time, he, who always truly reads people, would find something so harmonious in her being: the ability to be seen as himself through someone's eyes.

That is why I mentioned in several of my posts how Ferid would love to look into her eyes. Because her gaze would remind him of the sky, the place where he always looked for love and got no answer. But in that " sky " beyond her vivid, warm eyes, he now finds all he has sought all his life.

That is why I think that the way he would make love to her, how he would "be in bed" would be deeply derived from the way he loves her and how he feels loved by her.

I think it can be called "adoring" the way Ferid would make love to her. The way I portray every such scene with him in my mind is extremely organic, natural.

Their erotic intimacy would be a dive into the very lives of both.

It is precisely for this reason I see that Ferid has this tenderness and meticulous care for her. And at the same time that he leads her and is so dynamic.

Ferid simultaneously offers his sensitive fragility, his determined ability of leading to his woman. All in a lively, passionate form.

Thus I see that his every touch is so " consistent", " decided ".

It feels like a true dedication to her, how Ferid gives everything to their love, and I think this topic could be fleshed out more by me.

How the way Ferid touches his woman gives her safety and symbolizes how his true potential is given to a cause that makes Ferid truly happy. Why she loves him.

Why she loves Ferid Bathory, why she is melted in her intimacy with Ferid Bathory.

This subject is almost never touched upon in the writings of a fandom.

And that can lead us to what you were saying, why you love this character, why I love him.

I believe that the author of OnS has created vivid characters. Each character has a real human consistency. They are organically written, realistic for their contexts. That is why I think that each character can be admired, if we try to understand them as human beings in their universe.

I, at least, look at Kagami's works from a writer's point of view. I analyze literary, what were the intentions of the writer. Maybe that is why I also see these characters as living human entities in their fictional universe.

And I try to understand them like this. Before romanticizing, forming a romantic attachment, or a fantasy, I am focused on humanly understanding these characters and keeping their "living breath" further in what I write and analyze.

I think this is necessary in the understanding of some literary characters, especially when they are penciled in this way by the author.

Now, as I said, everyone understands everything as they can and as they want.

There was a time when I was so saddened by what you say, that the fandom does not understand any of the author's message. But I have realized that I had rather enjoy what I love than discuss what other people's opinions are.

Especially, Kagami said something that impressed me. He said how he never imagines "the voice of the fans" when he writes and that he is not interested in writing anything popular. He also said that he only writes from his heart, exactly what he feels and that he will always do only that, and how he strongly believes that if he does that, he will find his niche of readers.

There is a saying in my native language, "what comes from the heart touches the heart" and I think it is very appropriate for Kagami and OnS.

The author writes from the heart and his writings touch some hearts, as he touched mine, or yours.

This is nice and motivating enough for me so I can just enjoy this series that I love and ignore any unpleasant opinions of some strangers online.

At the end of the day, fandom does not define a series. As I said before, the canon material does not change. It is always there for those who want to read it, reread it, analyze it.

Thank you for answering me. It really means a lot. And yes, I can say "I love" Ferid, even if he is fictional. I love the humanity of the character and the way I can feel him "alive" in his universe. The way I can even discover myself, understanding him, and growing as a person, developing my soul and mind. This is what I do with Ferid, with this series, and I consider that the author has achieved his purpose as a writer with me!

In the end, you are right. It is ironic and sad how many in the fandom see Ferid just like most in his universe, but maybe that is the charm of this deep character.

Do not forget, he is named " unparalleled ".

Everyone in OnS does anything for the ones they love. But Ferid wants to change the very putrid origin of the world, the laws of the universe that created people out of hatred, just to have harmony, a real meaning, authentic love.

This universe has been corrupted since its creation, humanity is cursed and trapped as in Hell, and Ferid wants to solve this vicious circle, to break it.

I think this shows the nobility of this character, that he really is "one of a kind". And even though I wish he had someone to truly love him, I understand and appreciate the author's intent. The hidden nobility in Ferid's tragedy is something truly beautiful to me.

I would go into more detail about how Ferid would love his woman, how he would make love to her. But I feel like my essay is getting too long.

Please write me any questions you have. Just like that, just like now. I will gladly answer.

I think we can have some fascinating discussions!

Thank you so much for this heartfelt message!

Have a nice day to you and whoever finds this post!

#ferid bathory #owari no seraph #seraph of the end #ons #sote #ferid bathory x reader #ferid bathory imagines #ferid bathory analysis

[whumpcereal]

Hi! I absolutely LOVE your writing, I’ve reread both Behavior Modification and The Kennel more times than I can count and I am always devour your posts whenever you make them. You really have an incredible way with words, characters, and whump, and it’s absolutely INCREDIBLE. One thing I think you also do really well—and which I’d like to ask for some pointers on, if it’s not too much trouble—is writing Ivan’s perspective in a way that effectively portrays him as downright despicable, but also complex, engaging, and believable. I want only horrible things to befall him, but I do enjoy the parts of Behavior Modification that are written in his POV as much as the others, and I think it really adds to the work! There’s a part of my (private, unposted, never to see the light of day) story coming up that absolutely has to be written from the villain’s perspective or it’ll spoil a big twist. I’m not used to hanging out in my bad guys’ brains, though. It feels much easier to focus on the victims and their emotions, which are much more understandable and ofc more sympathetic. How do I give my awful bastard a feeling of depth and authenticity when I feel like I can’t relate to pretty much anything he thinks, says, or does? (For all that I do technically dictate his atrocities for that good whump…)

Hello, kind anon!

First of all, THANK YOU! I am going through a big dry spell with my writing right now, and I appreciate all of your kind words more than you can possibly know. Impostor syndrome is real, and we all need reminders to help us feel a little bit more confident, so--thank you so much for that. <3

Second, I think, when it comes to writing villains, the most important thing is remembering that they are their own heroes. Ivan is a shit, yes, but he believes in his own scientific mission, he believes that he has been wronged by Joe, and he believes that he is helping Jack fulfill a destiny that he might have missed. Ivan is just an instrument of science; this is what Jack was always meant for; and Joe deserves the pain of watching Jack fall away because he is the bad guy for not having given Ivan what he wanted back in the day.

If you find your villain's rational motivation for being a villain--for Ivan, it's science and little petty revenge; for Doc, it's a delusion that he's helping people who would otherwise be forgotten and doing it better than WRU--it's easier to write them with complexity. Your readers know your villain is awful, but your villains don't! Why didn't Joe love Ivan? Why didn't Doc's wife understand his rescue operation? They're just people out there peopling, and why doesn't everyone get what it is they're trying to do?

Real people who do bad things--unless there is something very specific amiss in their mental chemistry--sometimes don't understand why what they're doing is so bad. Sometimes they feel remorse too. But their behavior is driven by extremes that I think they either aren't entirely aware of or would believe are beyond their control. They aren't cartoon characters, and perhaps they aren't even inherently evil, but they are deeply flawed.

TL; DR--humanize your villains and see where it leads you.

#i love asks #and this anon #thanks for giving me an excuse to pretend i'm a writer #behavior modification #ivan peters oc #the kennel #doc barker oc #whump #whump writing #craft discussion

[shayminlucario07]

Deep Cut thoughts

One thing about Deep Cut’s music that notably sets them apart from the idol groups that came before them (Namely, the Squid Sisters and Off the Hook) is how their music is noticeably imperfect. To clarify what that means- that’s not me saying the music is bad (Because it isn’t), but me pointing out that there are noticeable “Flaws” or human moments in the actual music.

A good example is in Till Depth Do Us Part, during Shiver’s verse- You can hear her voice break slightly on some of the notes when she’s singing. It’s very human, and it makes the song a lot better- but that level of human error isn’t present in the other idol groups’ songs- even in Pearl’s raps in Off the Hook’s songs. The only other circumstance I can recall hearing something like that is Fly Octo Fly ~ Ebb and Flow (Octo), in which Pearl and Marina are literally singing a ballad to what is potentially THE END OF THE WORLD. But in Till Depth Do Us Part, Shiver is allowed to sound like a REAL PERSON, and her vocals- while obviously recorded in a studio, because that’s just how song production works- don’t sound unrealistically perfect and produced, they sound like she could be genuinely singing live in a way none of the other groups have been able to in most contexts- ESPECIALLY so for the Squid Sisters. It’s very refreshing, and I’m almost certain it’s because of the Chaos thematic for Splatoon 3- the somewhat imperfect, human quality to their music just lends itself to the Chaos theme.

I do have problems with Deep Cut as a group- and their name is Big Man, because while he’s great, he’s a deeply underwhelming First Male Idol and his actual role in the group’s music is so minor that he isn’t even present in most of their songs, and it feels like a total cop-out to me- but this is something about Deep Cut I GREATLY appreciate. Where Callie and Marie have a very pristine and near-perfectly upkept Idol persona (with Splatoon 2′s hero mode being the biggest notable departure from this), and Pearl and Marina, while significantly more real, relatable, and sporadic in how they present themselves, still have at least some degree of Idol Persona they stick to (Pearl being the Rich Heiress and Marina being the Cultural Outsider- literally who they are, but also a persona/curated identity they present as idols), Deep Cut- Shiver and Frye especially, since Big Man ultimately doesn’t get the same degree of personality/individual character moments- feel much more authentic in their behavior. They bicker, banter, and laugh, and unlike some of the similar interactions that the Squid Sisters or Off the Hook have, it feels very genuine, off-the-cuff, and improvised- like you would do if you were just hanging out with your friends. It’s very well-written and really helps solidify Deep Cut’s identity- a much needed supporting act, since the story mode didn’t really do that particularly well.

TL;DR, Deep Cut feel less like Idols with curated personas than the two groups that came before them, and it’s really refreshing, and a triumph on the part of the Splatoon devs.

#Splatoon 3 #Deep Cut #Shiver #Frye #Big Man

[witchthewriter]

Hey, I think this is where I do this and I believe I did everything I was supposed to! I've never done this before. Feels almost rude lol.

Can I request a level 6 ship for House of the Dragon, Grishaverse, and Stranger Things? I may come back for more lol.

About me!

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: straight but wouldn't kick Gal Gadot out of bed lol

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor

MBTI: INFJ/P

Zodiac: Scorpio sun, Scorpio moon, Pieces rising

Moral alignment: probably chaotic good

Looks: short, hourglass-ish figure, busty, sharp nose, blue eyes, pale skin, blonde hair just past my shoulders (a lot of people ask if it's my natural color so...I guess it's pretty?), my friend says I have elegant hands

Hobbies: reading, writing, horseback riding, belly dancing, traveling, photography, d & d if my group can ever get things organized, drawing, knitting very badly.

Likes: dogs, horses, bears, bats, tea, wine, books, caramel, pasta, classic rock, guitars, Impressionist art, Bach's cello suites (preferably played by Yo Yo Ma), comforting cartoons, old sweaters, bookshops and libraries, swimming in lakes, classic muscle cars, London, feathers, obsidian, red, blue, protest rallies, old shows like MASH and the Golden Girls, kids.

Dislikes: math, conservatives of any kind, bigots, not being able to protect the people I love, panic attacks, depression, cancer, people who mistreat animals and children.

Personality: I'm self-deprecating and have low, LOW self-esteem for sure. I've got a fun sense of humor. I'm pretty intelligent. I'm very protective of the people I love, ride or die for sure. Would help you hide a body 100%. I'm very passionate and want to help people. I'm good with kids but don't know if I'd ever have any of my own. Will abandon everything I'm doing to go pet a dog. I have anxiety and depression. Am healing from personal trauma. Learning how to love myself the same way I love my family and friends. I am an anxious apologizer. I love and feel very, very deeply.

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays! Thank you! You rock!

Want one? Here be the rules 🦋🌈 

You're not being rude at all! You did everything right and it's an honest exchange. I hope you enjoy the ships, and have a happy holiday! P.s. you can absolutely come back for more!

Also when you said you have low self esteem, honey I completely understand you. I had such low self-esteem for such a long time, and I still do. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm right here. I hope you know how worthy you are of life and of love. self-esteem

𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐨𝐧

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝐼 𝑠𝘩𝑖𝑝 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝘩 𝐴𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑑 𝑇𝑎𝑟𝑔𝑎𝑟𝑦𝑒𝑛! He would help you come into your own person. Help you develop yourself in all areas; hobbies, skills, personality etc. I think he would be a mentor, friend and lover. 

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・He didn’t want to do it. But Alicent insisted. You were a dragonseed, who had claimed Silverwing, and Alicent wanted you on the side of the greens, rather than the blacks. 

・Not really enemies to lovers. More reluctant to be in each other’s presence. But over time little slips of information would tumble from the both of you. And you started to like each other ... to care. 

・So your friendship grew, and it grew and grew until you had beat him in training and he smirked as the knife was at his throat. 

・Likes to lay next to you and watch the stars. You’d both mount your dragons and fly to a lonely hill and stay there overnight. 

・Hearing your laugh is the best noise in the world to Aemond

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈:

We Know What You Whisper by Ludwig Goransson

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔: ✧ He Looks Dangerous But Is Actually Soft x You Look Soft, But Are Actually Dangerous ✧ Both Wary of Love & Don’t Think This Can Be Real ✧ Bully Turned Puppy Lover

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆: ✧ Forced To Teach As Punishment

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢: Your honesty, authenticity and ride-or-die attitude. The way you stay with the people you care about, ready to fight for them whenever they need it. 

𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑: Would be Laena and Rhaenyra. You three would have so much fun together. You'd be known throughout Westeros as the three devils or something. Your adventures would be told throughout the cities, and you'd never get into trouble because you're rolling with the two most powerful daughters in all of the Seven Kingdoms.

𝑊𝘩𝑖𝑐𝘩 𝑐𝘩𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝐼 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢’𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒: You remind of Rhaenyra so much! You seem like such a cool, down-to-earth person. Very genuine and authentic. There's something about you, just this energy - do you have some Aries, Sagittarius or Capricorn in your zodiac chart?

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕:

You're bonded to the dragon Silverwing. She was the mount of the great Queen Alysanne (the wife King Jahaerys) who was the grandparents of Viserys, Daemon and Rhaenys II. Queen Alysanne brought about a lot of good change for the women in Westeros - she asked the female citizens to join her in a meeting and would regularly ask for their opinion on their troubles.

Silverwing is also the mate of Vermithor, the mount of King Jahaerys.

𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝐼 𝑠𝘩𝑖𝑝 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝘩 𝐸𝑑𝑑𝑖𝑒 𝑀𝑢𝑛𝑠𝑜𝑛! I think he would be such a hoot. Every time you hang out he makes you laugh and forget about your troubles. He really boosts your confidence and is absolutely astonished when you talk about your self-esteem. He thinks you are absolutely beautiful.

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・You live in the same trailer park that Eddie and Max live in. You probably joined the Hellfire Club when your mum said you HAD to do an extracurricular activity at school.

・He intimidated you at first but you didn’t let it show. That’s what drew you to him. And then he realised you lived only a few trailers from each other (you already knew since you had a crush on him for years but he never noticed you before). 

・Makes mixtapes for you and labels them as memories you’ve shared together

・Loves when you show interest in Lord of the Rings - he literally talks your ear off. But he’s so grateful that you care

・Asks you the most random questions because he wants to know everything about you. And you know what? He memorises all your answers

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈:

Bilbo's Song by Howard Shore

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔: ✧ Unhinged (Eddie) x Partially Hinged (You) ✧ Emotional Support Animal In Human Form ✧ Dumbass (Eddie) x Oh God That’s My Dumbass (You)

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆: ✧ Secret Admirer

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢: That you don't judge him, or anyone else for being 'weird'. You let people live their truths and listen when they need an ear or a shoulder to cry on.

𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑: Is Robin Buckley! You love it when she's passionate about something and wants to show you. She feels like a sister too. Someone who will always be on your side.

𝑊𝘩𝑖𝑐𝘩 𝑐𝘩𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝐼 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢’𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒: A mixture of El, Will and Robin. Very intellectual, and can see the world through different perspectives. But you can be quiet until you're comfortable.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕:

You found him wandering around the trailer park. He didn't have a name tag but was especially friendly. A bit thin but a wagging tail, you couldn't help but take him home with you (he was more than happy to come, he literally just followed you)

𝐆𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝐼 𝑠𝘩𝑖���� 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝘩 𝑇𝘩𝑒 𝐷𝑎𝑟𝑘𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔! I hate when the protagonist goes with the ‘good guy’, when the evil option is RIGHT THERE! The Darkling would never save the world over you. He would burn everything to the ground to save you. You’re his ride or die. He would never give you up. 

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・Touches your cheek so gently, looking into your eyes like you can’t be real. But you are. And you love him, no matter what. 

・Calls you his world, his life, his heart. You are apart of him and he’s apart of you. You were meant to be together. 

・Knew you were the one when you weren’t scared of his powers, his shadows. You were intrigued, excited. You didn’t want him as an amplifier like everyone else. You wanted him ... for him. 

・His mother likes that her son has someone who loves him so fiercely. But she knows that his plan for the world will come true with you by his side. So she’s very conflicted. 

・As a Grisha yourself, you’ve been trained by the very best. He made sure of it. 

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈:

Return of the Lion by Harry Gregson-Williams

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔: ✧ The Moon and His Star ✧ Curious and Wide-Eyed (You) x Has Seen Everything, Thinks It’s Cute (The Darkling) ✧ “We’re Going To Rule The World Together”

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆: ✧ Destiny

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢: Your loyalty. The way you won't give up on people, even if they seem too far gone. Your all-in attitude. He just loves it about you, because he has the same energy. You don't have to worry if 'you're too much', because he loves it. All of it. All of you.

𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑: Would definitely be Genya Safin! You two would bond over feeling like outsiders. She would tailor on you different hair colours or make up looks. And there would be a moment where you would come crying to her, asking her to change the way you look and she would. But show you in the mirror and say:

"I can change everything about your appearance. Every. Goddamn. Thing. But it doesn't change what's in here" and she would point at your heart. Because there's no one else like you, and there never will be. You have so much power and likeability that you don't even see.

𝑊𝘩𝑖𝑐𝘩 𝑐𝘩𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝐼 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢’𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒: Alina and Inej. Although you have low self-esteem, you have a genuine aura about you. Before people meet you, I bet they're really intimidated by you, but once they spend time with you they realise how amazing you really are.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕:

A very smart and reliable Raven. She always brings you messages from the Darkling when you’re apart and somehow understands you. She’s a beautiful thing with a good heart that can pick up your spirits. 

#ships #match ups #pair ups #personal ship #open

[caniaskyouabouttoday]

I Am Heavy, But He’s My Brother

“Is that how would describe your job, Cliff, carrying his load?”

“Yeah, that’s about right.”

Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood is a special movie to me for a lot of reasons but what I love so deeply and sincerely about this movie is the way it portrays friendship between men with such an authentic, heartfelt earnestness.

I have been blessed and cursed with a lot of things in my life but one of the biggest blessings of my life has been deep and meaningful friendships with the men who I choose as my brothers. I say choose as brothers because my brother by blood destroyed my family and broke my heart. That was almost four years ago and things have never been the same. It wasn’t too long after this film came out but the tracks were certainly being laid down.

This vague double entendre joke is made by an interviewer at the expense of one Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt) because he finds nothing about his friendship, loyalty, or even second banana status behind waning television star Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio) uncomfortable or humiliating. He’s proud to be his friend and has a stoic’s embrace of his role.

Dalton for his part is an insecure alcoholic wreck who desperately relies on Cliff, not just for rides but affirmation, confidence, and love. Even when his flagging career takes him to Italy to make “Eye-Italian” westerns and he finds a wife; he relies on Cliff’s love to a very real and serious extent.

It’s a testament to Tarantino’s skill as a director that he was able to get these two megastars to completely bury their egos and be so giving and vulnerable to each other to tell the story of their lives. They feel like very real people, with very real problems that I would like to have a margarita with…even though there is a chance Cliff mayyyy have killed his nagging wife. I love who these two are for each other. As men we have a responsibility to our friends to care this much.

I have a friendship; and I hope that is never past tense that was this kind of brotherhood. There are elements of both Rick and Cliff to us respectively even if we may not look like these two. 17 years ago I met a man I could not love any more and I still do; and I think if I weren’t comfortably heterosexual I could never say that because I simply do not feel love like that in my romantic relationships.

We were a country mouse and city mouse, we had different socioeconomic and family situations, we were opposites on paper and completely the same in our hearts. Bonded over our obsessive lifelong love of professional wrestling, our off kilter senses of humor, and the decency, kindness, and respect we showed each other. It’s the only friendship of my life where I had never had a fight or disagreement. I’m not easy to get along with, and I’m completely estranged from my biological brother. I’ve had some friendships that long wither and crumble under the pressure of the years. But not this one, he’s a married family man but I know outside of his family and his mother and sister nobody could love him more than I do.

I’ve been through a real rough patch of the last four years. A lot of my woes self inflicted, some external. I’ve been out of work for months for the second time in three years. I’m hurting. Financially, emotionally, and spiritually.

I had an opportunity to go to an event I would have loved to have had him go to with me. It could have been something we never forgot. There was an opportunity that would let me go but not him, and I took it. I thought I could find a way to get a sign with his name on television and let him know he was there with me in my heart.

It hurt him badly; and I apologized. And I meant it. I am not sorry for going. I need to live my life forward. But hurting him hurt me, I am sorry for that. So deeply, so sincerely. If there was any way to physically include him I would have and he has to know that. I said I’m sorry and plead my case.

Since then there has been almost two weeks of radio silence between us. I am not going to add, I am not going to prod. If he wants to forgive me for how he feels I wronged him he will need to find that but damn it hurts. It hurts a lot. I love him and miss him and I can’t do this all by myself. I need my brother to carry the load, and when the shoe is on the other foot I will too. I have before and will again.

This movie presents an alternate history where the good times of a golden era continue to roll instead of ending in tragedy and heartbreak. The 2020s have been a brutal, cruel decade. A completely miserable time of plague and famine in every sense.

I turn 38 in 8 days, and frankly, all I want to do is get silly drunk and laugh my ass off and share a hug with the man I love as much as I ever could love another person. He won’t be able to see this post, but I hope he feels it’s in the universe and knows how I feel.

“When you come to the end of the line with a buddy who is more than a brother and less than a wife, getting blind drunk together is the only way to say farewell.”

Unlike the bittersweet ending of Rick and Cliff’s beautiful friendship, I pray this is not farewell after all these years.

#once upon a time... in hollywood #tarantino movies #quentin tarantino #brad pitt #leonardo dicaprio

[power-chords]

THE SCRIPTED LAUREN&VINCENT HOTEL BATHROOM SCENE!!!!! ooooh boy now that was fucked up i SO wish it had been in the movie because it was CRUNCHY. Gave such a different flavor to Lauren and Vincent. I don't usually wish canon was darker because i like Vincent to have a chance but that scene I would have welcomed it, felt like I was reading the Leon script lol. Do you have any thoughts on that version/its relation to the bus stop lauren&vincent scene?... (also, the thought of Vincent missusing Lauren's prescription... HORRIBLE! I LOVE IT!)

It’s so good! Freudian, Hitchcockian, Faulknerian, and most of all… Hemingway-ian? Hemingway-ish? Whatever — in the sense that the scene is so potently symbolically reflective of Vincent’s anxiety and ambivalence: about his work, about his family, about being a war veteran, who he really is and what he really wants, the deeply repressed but inextinguishable suspicions about his own authentic desire and expression as an American Working Man. The way that social constructions of gender — their expectations, the performances they demand — heighten that anxiety and ambivalence at every point of intersection. Masculinity is a prison, but femininity is an existential threat. To be like a woman is to be vulnerable, to desire true intimacy and connection even when it is not available (ask Vincent how he knows!), to experience the most brutal emotional losses, and worst of all to be mortally victimized. Who are the women in Heat? Every single one of them that appears on screen, what do they do, what do they want, what eventually happens to them? What does Vincent see happening to them?

So every time Lauren appears on screen, or Justine for that matter, the nature of Vincent’s insecurity as a husband and stepfather — in these prescribed relations of Man to Woman — is being dredged up from the murky, fetid swamp of his traumatized subconscious and probed at on a slab under a lamp. He does NOT like this. In fact he dislikes it so much that he will do just about anything to avoid it, even when the circumstances make it actually unavoidable. If he can’t physically get the hell out of dodge (he does this a lot), he either tunes out, shuts down, or explodes.

Lauren, especially, he looks at but does not really see, because she throws a spotlight on the most uncomfortable axes of comparison and consequence: that he is every bit as absent as the actual absent father, that he nevertheless bears identical obligations as a father figure (which he is likewise failing to meet), that he is a flawed facsimile who will never measure up to the literally invisible offscreen abstract Concept of Father [KILL BILL SIRENS], that Lauren in her self-destructive emotionality and escapist withdrawal is aligning herself with Vincent, is choosing him during these episodes of feminine hysteria, is circling the periphery of something that terrifies him so deeply he straight up just refuses to look. In the original draft of the script, he is completely oblivious to Lauren breaking into his hotel and into the shower, which is pretty hard to believe for a guy as sharp and attentive as Vincent. (NB: even though Vincent has exiled himself to a hotel, home invasions are a Big Deal and VERY BAD in Mann’s symbolic lexicon, so that suggestive similarity on its own should raise your hackles.) In the final cut of the film, he strolls right past a cracked-open bathroom door and a soaked patch of carpet, like he’s blind to it. Like it’s not even there!

A bus station, a hotel bathroom, these are both physical representations of transience and interchangeability, of being untethered from a secure domestic role. A place, like the quintessentially postmodern city of Los Angeles, that is also a non-place, almost dreamlike, hyper-real and not-really-real. What is this saying about the embodiment of gender roles? What is authenticity and what is escapism? If we were committed enough to our escapist defenses, how would we know the difference?

Mann’s protagonists are all lost, alienated, running out of time, chasing after something, never finding it. They claim to know who they are, what they’re lacking, and what they’re searching for. But the instant some ambiguity presents itself — an alternative to accepted truths, different ways of seeing and thinking, a challenge to more comfortable binaries — they freak the fuck out. And I think when Mann rewrote the climactic scene in the hotel bathroom, he was having Lauren pose that challenge in a different way, with slightly altered and more harmonious subtext (given the ending of the film). I’m glad it’s what he went with. But the original version is fascinating to me and says so much about where his head was at.

TBC re: those few pages in the book with the phone call between Vincent and Lauren, because I reread them earlier, closely, and I went UH OH

#heat (1995) #heat #michael mann #vincent hanna #lauren gustafson #al pacino #natalie portman

[stewyonmolly]

last chap of want was so good !! you have such a good grasp of Kendall’s inner life, you hit the nail on the head when you portray his eccentricity… it’s both kinda pathetic and DEEPLY endearing bc it’s something that’s at the core of his personality and all his life’s efforts have been in trying to tone it down and make himself into a smooth and empty thing for his father to inhabit and infuse with his will. now he’s free and he’s allowing himself to be silly without being too self conscious about it, you just get it...

and as someone who’s often in the position of caretaker, Stewy’s struggle feels so authentic even though we’re obviously very different (euphemism). Like not knowing whether your friend is genuinely happy or manic is an experience I’ve had before and that tightrope walk of trying to prepare them for a virtual come down whilst not invalidating their feelings/infantilising them/harshing their buzz is 🫥

you’re managing to make feel so many things about these fictional top one percenters and I’m a communist like that’s a feat. i would want Kendall and Stewy dead in real life but I guess they can get to fuck nasty and be happy forever in your fics 🙄

your writing stays impeccable and I look forward to more of it ! Also I’d love to know, if you’re willing to share, what books/authors inspired your writing style, or even what your favourites are

<3

omg TYSM i love letting kendall indulge in his real personality. i love writing him smiling… & thank u sm for your kind kind compliments!! as far as writing inspiration goes i always struggle to answer this question… i read a lot of NY school of poetry & beat-era stuff, i love e.e. cummings’s poetry and it inspires my diction/word invention a lot (kerouac does that for me too)… i love james baldwin, i like flannery o’connor’s prose, woolf of course, nikki giovanni… i’d say everything i read inspires my prose in some way in that im a product of everything i experience and enjoy… love bernadette meyers, frank o’hara obviously, j.d. salinger… music also inspires me obviously and film and painting and sculptures etc etc etc… i spend a lot of time on pinterest when i’m planning or struggling to write bc it’s such a help in capturing the ambience i’m going for. and then i write from that place! i hope this made sense LOL

#want two tag

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

DRS: Mukuro Ikusaba

well, I hoped you would answer that question so we're off to a great start

ok, so her events really mirror the ones of real Junko, although we skipped Aoi for some reason and started with Mahiru, both start by complimenting on her skill, but where Junko wanted Mahiru to do a professional shoot of her later, Mukuro complained about magazines [ik they can come in semi-random order now, there's a loose timeline]

and said she prefers Mahiru's authentic photos over posed and edited ones

Mukuro can't guess what Akane is "saying" like Junko, so this time Tenko understands since someone has to, and then changes the subject to hate on men unprompted

I wish that were me

she tells Yasuhiro not to call her Junkie while Junko just rolled with it, doesn't want to hear her fortune all the same, but this time he tells her anyway

Not only does she convince Togami to let their whole class in on his private beach, but also makes sure he'll participate as well. And she's the first one I'm seeing talking about fans bothering ultimates

[after a two-week-long break] ok, so I stopped updating this nearing the end of Mukuro's events and well, I am actually done with her route, it was just way less interesting than Junko's, one right after the other it was a show of what she's lacking in comparison, Junko is a hurricane and I wanted to be mad

when in a flashback she calls Mukuro dull, but next to each other that how it looks like, we have this very emotional extrovert and an introvert with simple consistent ideals and worries

this is the same Mukuro we see at the beginning of THH and in the IF scenario, she's critical of magazines, complains about all the fakeness, acts as if she had an impostor syndrome (except she is the impostor), cares deeply for her sister, would do anything for her

it's really disappointing, because it looks like she wants to find her own self but in the end it all comes back to Junko, she says she does in "My future" bit, but it's betraying Junko like in the IF because she loves her. And Junko hasn't thought of her once in her events

I was thinking of following this with Monaca's events since apparently she knew Mukuro was pretending, but WoH make me uncomfortable so I'm going to save it for later, they can ruin only 1 day for me

overall, Mukuro's events are a flop, it was awkward with few exceptions (she actually impressed me in the event with Togami)

First posted on December 12-27, 2021 (twitter) Detailed notes below:

Introduction: "The real question is... which Junko am I? The Ultimate Fashionista? Or maybe..."

1st event: Mahiru Koizumi

starts with a compliment

prefers Mahiru's photographs over magazine shots, those are "edited to hell and back"

"so that's my expression in front of everyone", "even I can make a face like that"

posed photos don't feel like me, yours are authentic

2nd event: Akane Owari & Tenko Chabashira

Mukuro can't understand Akane with her mouth full like Junko did. Tenko does.

Tenko brings up negative stereotypes about fashionistas out of the blue? To hate on men?

"you take notes obsessively, Junko"

3rd event: (With Swimsuits)

Junko isn't at the camp :( they were separated before, but it's been a while so now she's worried about Junko, "I'd gotten used to being together again"

true goal?

"a cheerful person like you mumbling to herself with a frown?"

"this is far from despair", so she thinks she should be the ult despair Junko

4th event:

Yasuhiro had a vision

"it's a violation of privacy if you read my future without permission"

glossy black hair and some rad make up is the key to her success, huh?

5th event:

This time not even Mikan looks happy, the 3 of them are just awkward

Mukuro tells Toko they don't have bad blood, which would be the opposite of the real Junko

"ugh, you two are so negative..."

opposites attract (tokomaru & bandaid)

6th event:

"You've been tailing me all day", "Are you a hardcore fan?", Monaca: "Not quite"

she knows

"even if you're a child, I'll show no mercy"

she caught the bug for Gonta, Monaca gets away

7th event:

Mukuro gets embarrassed by Ibuki's compliment, rather than agree with Ibuki on wanting to be stronger she asks if she isn't fine the way she is (she already has good stamina)

Potential of Talent: "But which Talent?", "This isn't my real identity"

-Regardless of which talent, it's important to me. (memory of Junko)

"dull older sister"

"if I *did* wanna do something, it wouldn't be anything so obvious"

"I'll cooperate with whatever she pleases. I'm the only one who understands her."

-This may be unrelated to talent, but... (Hajime)

try to find something for myself (cosmetics), "not for work"

"I wanted to drop this personality after graduating anyway"

Hajime's understanding, some things are easier to say to strangers

-I am not that interested in my potential... (Jataro Kemuri)

infodumps at her about luck unprompted

it's easier for him to be hated

"I turned off my brain and listened to Jataro"

8th event:

WoH bullied Mondo for not letting them operate a rollercoaster on their own, but she praised him

lose the pompadour? over his dead body

"I'd go for a more serious look if I could"

9th event: look Makoto's route

10th event:

surprised to see Togami without Toko around

bullying him, "you're bad with girls"

I'm not popular either

aristocrats.

private beach is the only chance for famous ultimates to relax by the ocean

she convinces him to participate!

"it took me so long but this is what I really want" (having fun with everyone)

11th event:

Aoi noticed her strap slipping herself

it's mobility over fashion for her, meanwhile "Junko" just got used to revealing clothes, "with a bit of courage and a lot of time you can get used to anything"

Summer Festival: Run a stall - make and sell trinkets "I've got nimble fingers"

Y'know, Leon, I have men's trinkets too (not half bad, he'd like to make some too, bought it)

I have some Japanese-style trinkets, Hiyoko (no match for artisan masters... but she bought a hairpin)

Tsumugi, I have your supporter color! (oh, an idol she supports. She just had to buy one)

Campfire: "I don't like getting teary-eyed, but I'm going to miss it"

-Ryoma! You look like you're about to cry!

he doesn't deny it, just don't stare

she hides her feelings pretty well, but it's obvious she cares about her classmates

"Ryoma and I reminisced together"

-You're really eating your heart out, Akane! (Mukuro decides to help in the kitchen because of Akane)

-Yasuhiro, tell my fortune

Will my family's dream be realized? (answer off-screen)

My Future...

Monokuma dramatically reveals he knows she's Mukuro

"If she wants me to kill them, they're as good as dead"

"What do you suppose would happen if I betrayed Junko?" (because I love her)

End: "Hey, Junko. I found my own hope."

#mukuro ikusaba #danganronpa #summer camp events

[starship-imzadi]

S6 E3 Man of the People

(I typed most of this out a long while ago; this is just a much delayed posting with minor additions.)

-

Another episode to add to Troi's suffering and trauma. This is one of the tough ones to watch.

So I actually stopped doing these for a while because I got busy but also because I didn't feel like I had the emotional energy to watch this episode. (Now I can't quite remember what happens, so let's do this!)

I always love some silent eye contact between Riker and Troi.

I wonder, do they just hold them in the pattern buffer untill whoever is supposed to greet them gets there? Troi walks in right before the materialize; It's such perfect timing....

What a way to make a bad first impression. And Troi looks deeply uncomfortable.

This beginning has a little more exposition than I want with a few too many names that are meaningless.

Worf's tai chi class. For all of Worf's supposed physical training he never strikes me as an especially poised or graceful person.

Troi and this guy's interactions immediately seem a bit awkward and forced; like bad flirting. I'm not sure if that's intended or they're meant to be establishing a positive rapport (one of the down sides of characters confined to a single episode is there's never enough time to build what feels like real chemistry and tell both plot lines A and B).

Awkwardly long shoulder touch to end the interaction. I imagine this might have been intended to display comfort? but it makes me uncomfortable because we barely know the character. Anyone lingering like that, even if they're only touching my shoulder, would make me uncomfortable if I've only known them for five minutes. (For anyone who is interested, the field that looks at non-verbal, interpersonal interaction through touch is known as social haptics or haptic communication.)

This guy's "mother" is a HUGE red flag. From her jealousy to her impertinent question. Also telling a woman that if she "mates" with this man she'll regret it for the rest of her life.... is a pretty outrageous statement.

By contrast, the rapport Troi has with Riker feels very natural and authentic. Her body language and face expression seem relaxed. His voice is softer and seems more gentle too (which is to say they both seem at ease.)

It's funny, you can hear Troi pat Riker's knee

The old woman's hands are stiff like....rigor mortis already? (Is 93 old for this time period?)

Troi had such a strong reaction when the rocks touch, clearly negative, and I want to know what she's feeling. Does she realise something is wrong?

She has such long fingernails. Wow.

(ensign Janeway?!)

What's that little thing Troi has? A skirt?

I love Picard's jacket. It was such great costuem development.

I really want to know what Troi is feeling. She's exhibiting different behavior externally but there's really nothing to tell us how she is feeling about it.

"i don't know anything about you" sounds like a potentially alluring line but the reality is she really doesn't know anything about him so she has no idea if being alone with him is even really a safe place to be.

"if there's anything else I need I know where to find you" this statement immediately displays a selfishness and a self-centeredness that is uncharacteristic of Troi. Clearly the sexual interaction she just had with this crew member was about satiating her desires, with literally the closest available person. And it brings into question abuse of authority; she has no personal relationship with the man so their only connection is professional, and she out ranks him.

And then Troi's first question to Riker seems intent on instigating jealousy, and he handles it very well. (Which is a testament to his character.) I wish he'd been written to be concerned about her altered behavior rather than apparently annoyed (but we've still got 25 minutes to get through and if he got suspicious too early there wouldn't be a plot.)

Damn, Troi is really going off the rails.

Crusher getting clever for a work around.

Data is like a child, pointing out obvious but important details. Marina does look incredible in that dress. It's much more flattering than her typically bland one piece not-uniform.

The question is, is what Troi says born from whatever she's feeling or is it genuine perception?

I'm glad to see Riker intervening. I wonder if telling her she's "way out of line" is as a commanding officer? He certainly has a harsh tone.

Troi using "imzadi" as a means of manipulating Riker makes me cringe so hard. Rather than being in tune with him she seems oblivious to his emotions and social cues. "I'm worried about you" now feels like a it's coming from a friend despite still being stern. I feel like it should have been sooner but at least he is paying attention.

He is resistant to her, but still gentle, calling her by name and not outright rejecting her kiss. When she hurts him, literally drawing blood, he looks so confused and shocked; probably too much so to register being hurt. When she says "please" it sounds so desperate and genuine.

It really isn't clear why Troi desires this guy (or anyone) when he seems so disinterested in her. (He even pronounces ger name incorrectly). I don't know what his behavior was in the beginning (that awkward flirting) that he has done away with it now. Was it just to gain her trust for the ritual?) because he doesn't seem to have any other interests in her.

"I'm closer to Deanna than I've ever been to anyone." Aww 🥰

Deanna is really taking a turn for the worse, and fast. Picard's reaction to her is a perfect mix of shock and confusion.

Cute little moment between Picard and Crusher. It's funny that Picard as the patient assures Dr. Crusher that he'll be fine.

Crusher's impassioned "I don't care" seems more about her care for Deanna than a flippant reaction to a different culture.

This guy is horrible and he's totally fine with it. The arrogance; He's playing god and he's self appointed. A very important question that should be asked is why he chooses women to carry the burden of his "negative" emotions? It would seem to be an all too real display of how "great" men use and neglect the women whose support (chosen, coerced, or forced) makes them "great" without sharing the credit or benefits and while insisting they, as men, are more logical and capable than those same women.

Look at Riker's utter shock and panic when Crusher says Deanna has to die, as he turns to Picard for .... emotional support, or help. And you can see his panic rising more as the conversation goes on.

The makeup on Marina is incredible and also really ugly.

It's unfortunate that an episode were Troi gets so much screen time involves abusing her. That seems often to be the case; like the writers don't know what to do with her otherwise.

Is everyone in on the plan to kill Troi? Because Worf didn't seem phased.

This guy has an incredible ego. He's so manipulative and....predatory.

I don't know how the damage to Troi isn't irreparable. But okay. (The little brain defibrillator is so comical.)

It's cute that Riker is there the whole time and he's the first person Troi turns to once she regains consciousness. (Notice the optimistic little brass theme that signals that everything is okay again).

At least the experience seems distant to her, and potentially less traumatic.

Aww, little affectionate kiss. I love that.

"thanks for sticking by me"

"I always will"

And a cute cuddle

[they-them-that]

The Priest was my least favourite part of Fleabag.

I understand that a lot of viewers of the series love the Priest and what he brought to the series. I can see how people enjoyed the romantic dynamic between him and Fleabag and what felt like provided a silver lining in Fleabag's depressing and tense life. Also a lot of y'all have the hots for him which is fair lol. So for any Priest devotees, you may be better off not interacting with this post if you're not open to having me pick him apart. That being said, I'm doing this in a listicle format so prepare yourself lol.

1. He's a priest

The series seems to take a neutral stance on organized Christianity and although I accept all forms of spirituality, the Church itself is a different story. The Church isn't a religion but an industry that is systemically imbedded into European politics that have been used to commit heinous deeds such as colonization, racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, exploitation, and sexual misconduct since its existence. This isn't merely happenstance and there isn't such a thing as a "good Church". The whole system is rooted in hierarchal control that still seeks to disenfranchise marginalized people and extort Christians which has literally taken lives.

Even though every character in Fleabag is meant to be morally grey, the Priest's occupation isn't actually depicted as problematic and his introduction goes out of its way to say "he's not like other priests" (spoiler alert: he is). The only conflict around his lifestyle is that it's a cockblock rather than the fact it's unethical and his "priestliness" is actually used to romanticize him.

2. He's "perfect"

He's not actually perfect but he's written to be. He's "hot, charming, caring but just quirky and snarky enough to be cute and interesting". He's not visibly contentious like the rest of Fleabag's characters which to me, contradicts the whole message of the series. People are messy and make mistakes but the Priest exists as Fleabag's pillar of goodness for our protagonist to seek love and help from. He's "too perfect" that he doesn't even feel real when everyone else in the show does.

When it came to Boo, we got to see what Fleabag loved about her but that she was also deeply flawed. The easy route would be to depict her as a pure and selfless person so we can only think of her as someone "too good to go so soon" but the show went out of its way to portray a complex and authentic character. Something that couldn't be afforded to the Priest in order for him to function as the love interest and ultimate form of guidance.

3. He preyed on Fleabag

Hot take but the confessional scene was not romantic or sexy, it was just predatory. In that scene, Fleabag breaks down and tells the priest how lonely, lost, and sad she feels and that she "needs someone to tell her what to do". What was obviously a call for help from Fleabag had the Priest respond sexually and attempts to dominate her. He's only lucky that Fleabag is attracted to him but it also feels abundant to me that her attraction is guided by her desire for this apparently loving and morally righteous person to heal her. The Priest came onto someone who just revealed was deeply vulnerable and dependant, whether or not he already harboured attraction to them. It simply wasn't the time and it's creepy to me that that was the moment his sexual impulses kicked in... I understand if this tickles your fancy but divorcing this from being a romantic steamy fantasy, the action was deplorable.

4. Romance is overrated

I have a gripe with romance being the ultimatum to a story or character arc. It comes off as epitomizing typically romantic monogamous relationships which are already glamourized in our patriarchal society. It doesn't really make a difference that the two don't end up together in the very last scene, the entire second season has centralized their relationship and the over-importance of finding romantic love. The same was the case for Claire where her happiness was no longer about freeing herself from a toxic partner and matriarchal obligations, but "being with the man she loves". Both the Priest and Klare were non existent in the first season which has made space for the sisters to exist as independent characters with individual needs and struggles. To have both of their finales chalked up to pursuing the right man (again, even if it wasn't end-game) felt like an oversimplification of what these women strived for.

I also found Fleabag's strained but endearing relationship with her sister to be the heart of the series so it was tragic to see it sidelined in favour of the Priest. It was refreshing to see a female-lead show that depicted a woman outside her relationship to a man. We got to focus on Fleabag's platonic, familial, and sexual relationships along with her relationship with herself. Women aren't all just romance but other forms of love have always been undervalued, merely existing in the backdrop or as the lesser relationship. This felt apparent in the way the Priest could notice Fleabag interacting with us to show us he was "special". Viewers saw it as a sign that they were soulmates but I found it upsetting that only a romantic connection could transcend this barrier as if Claire or Boo weren't good enough to access it.

Fleabag felt like the show that brought all these non-romantic relationships to the forefront and avoided cliches of how female-oriented shows are expected to pan out. Yet in the end, it opted for the crowd-pleasing resolution which was introducing a dashing prince for the sad Cinderella. I still love Fleabag and I have great respect for Phoebe Waller-Bridge! Even if I have disdain for the Priest, it doesn't hold back the love many others have for him. But to me, he was the antithesis to what I loved about the first half of Fleabag though that I felt deserved to be critiqued.

#fleabag

[crehador]

alphabet challenge 2023 round 2 final report

have made absolutely zero progress in cutting down my planning list (in fact i think it’s longer than when i started this round lol) but watched another 11 one-cour anime, 2 tv shorts, and 1 movie

full list with some thoughts here, three most notable series under the cut (beware spoilers)

actual best: gotta give this one to hourou musuko with the caveat that i do think it’s an imperfect adaptation, and i suspect it most shines in its original manga form (which i haven’t read yet but look forward to checking out one day)

it’s very possible i just haven’t read/watched broadly enough, but off the top of my head i can’t think of a more sincere and real portrayal of trans adolescence (or just transness in general, honestly) in animanga

i think in my notes i called it something like messy and clumsy, and i meant that in a good way; it’s messy and clumsy in ways that feel authentic and even deliberate, though for sure some parts of that are due to limits of the adaptation

the anime does imo get off to a somewhat disorienting start, we’re dropped straight into the lives of these kids who already have a deeply complicated past with one another, and it takes some time for that past to take shape

being told chronologically might have helped this story (and maybe the manga does do that) but it still felt like a very solid adaptation despite its shortcomings, and its strengths more than made up for its weaknesses (which i feel weren’t the fault of the story but rather the production, like with two of the final episodes being condensed into one for airing before being released in full as specials? yeah that doesn’t sound ideal)

personal fave: was pleasantly surprised and very entertained by id:invaded! it’s very inception-esque, and i don’t mean just because of the diving into someone’s (sub)consciousness and dream (well) within a dream (well) stuff

i’ve always felt like inception had a solid story but blank slate cast, as in its characters all filled specific functions and archetypes but weren’t really the most nuanced or... characterized, so to speak (and imo that’s why they were so easily fandomizable, so i don’t actually think it’s a bad thing that they just did what they were put there to do)

id:invaded makes me feel the same way, in that the plot itself is much stronger than the cast, though i imagine if it had been a two-cour series it would have used its additional time well and fleshed out the cast some more

it’s very easy to compare id:invaded to psycho-pass as well, and while i’d say in terms of plot/mystery/worldbuilding they’re almost on equal footing, psycho-pass does way more and way better with its characters (but of course psycho-pass had a lot more time)

that said, i did still like the characters of id:invaded, they were just fleshed out enough for you to start projecting your own ideas onto them, and the more they marinated in my head the more i enjoyed them (though for reasons that largely weren’t on the page tbh)

this one was honestly a strong contender for ‘actual best’ as well, because i think there are some things it did incredibly well, like not underestimating the viewer and over-telling in its writing

like you’ve got id wells (the pun of which, by the way, i felt the subs did a great job of explaining fluidly) and you’ve got kaeru-chan in the id wells, and the show never shoves the frog in a well imagery into your face, it doesn’t bother to go “you know *wink wink nudge nudge* like the proverb” it lets you put some of these things together yourself

(similarly, really loved that they didn’t outright say fukuda got all his piercings before putting a hole in his head, they let you imagine it yourself, how he must have gotten piercing after piercing and they never felt like enough, it’s just better to not have that stated outright, the obvious conclusions are obvious enough)

biggest disappointment: seikaisuru kado solely for the ending and i’m not even talking about the deaths or anything (ryo expy should kill akira expy after all) it was just a rushed and poorly written, poorly executed ending that brought an overall good series crashing down

#crab watches #various things #tl;dr hourou musuko and id:invaded were best seikaisuru kado was worst (only for the ending) #honorable mention to kanata no astra for being just so much fun