#and even worse the real life behind the scene shit that made cavill leave

[kiradotexe]

just ranted to my partner for like 30 minutes about the flaws of netflix w*tcher (both animated movie and series)

i made the mistake of watching both last night and needed to yell about it

#mixed feelings about the nightmare of the wolf movie #i cant see fuckboi anime vesemir as young vesemir but im also not super familiar with that part of the story so i cant be too harsh #and i'll always have mixed feelings about the series because there ARE good parts but holy hell are there bad parts #will never forgive what they did to eskel #and even worse the real life behind the scene shit that made cavill leave #very grateful to my loving and patient boyfriend for sitting through that

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Self Service {Headcanon}***

Warning: Cursing, Smut, NSFW, Teasing

Words: 2k

Note: This made my mind wander waaaay too much. I think I enjoyed this a little too much. LOL. I hope you guys like it. Thank you for reading!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the beginning of your relationship with Henry, the two of you made an agreement that you wouldn’t go any longer than a month without seeing each other in person. You said you would somehow make the time to reconnect. It was now seven weeks since you’d last seen each other. Seven weeks.

What made it worse was that in the process of breaking the one-month rule, you’d also broken the three-day communication rule. You hadn’t spoken in now four days and it was insane. You knew he was in the middle of doing some reshoots for The Witcher in Poland. You understood he was busy. You completely got that he probably had little control of this. Just because you understood didn’t mean that it was easy. 

You missed him. You missed his scent, missed the way his massive arms engulfed you and made you feel so safe and protected. You missed the feel of his stubble brushing against your inner thighs and the feel of his hands as they slid down the slope of your hip, you even missed the feel of his feet as they were entangled with yours fighting you for the blankets. 

You missed him so much you were now on the red-eye out of LA to Poland. It was a fourteen-hour flight, but you didn’t care one bit. You’d had enough of missing him, enough of falling asleep with your body pillow that wasn’t nearly as bulky as him. It was a cheap replacement that didn’t do the trick nine times out of ten. You wanted the real thing.

After a ten-hour nap, you finished out the flight catching up on some work. When the plane landed your driver was waiting. The drive was another hour through country and planes and over dirt roads and windy paths. It was a crazy drive. He was out in the middle of nowhere. 

When the car finally stopped on set you walked through taking in all the interesting views. You were definitely looking forward to the release date. He’d worked so hard these last few months and you were excited to see him get all the recognition he deserved for the amazing job he’d done.

“Here you are. He’s right inside.” You thank one of the set workers and opened the door to Henry’s trailer and stepped inside. He immediately stood and turned to the door confused as to who would walk in without so much as a knock. When Henry saw it was you his jaw dropped. Kal was the first to bound to you and jump onto his hind legs to greet you. 

“Y/N!?” Wasting no time, you hurried across the floor to crash your body into his. You held on tightly to him not wanting him to move one inch. Kal was again on his hind legs waiting for you to acknowledge him. That was the only reason you pulled back just enough to scratch behind his ears.

“Oh my god.” Henry’s arms tightened around you bringing you back to his embrace and the two of you just stood there inhaling each other’s scent. You’d nearly forgotten, and you wanted to press it to memory again.

“I missed you so bloody much.” Henry pulled back and cupped your face in his large hands and gently stroked the fresh tears away.

“You’re as beautiful as ever.” You wrapped your arms around him again and held on for dear life.

“I missed you.” Your voice was a whisper, it was all you could muster. Henry placed a kiss on top of your head before he placed another on your forehead. He pulled back just enough to look at you again. In seconds your lips met. 

The kiss begins slow and sweet, it’s as if you both are reacquainting yourselves, testing if the spark is still there, if you still feel all you did seven weeks ago. In a matter of seconds, it is clear for you that your feelings remained the same, if not more heightened. You loved him; it was as simple as that.

The kiss intensifies as the urgency shines through. Henry’s lips passionately claim yours as you teasingly nibble his. His deep, husky moan echoed out in the quiet until Kal loudly barked interrupting the moment.

“He’s demanding a proper greeting.” You giggled as you dropped to your knees to hug the tenacious bear of a dog. Kal happily panted as he accepted your hugs and gave you licks in return

“How are you boy? Have you been taking care of daddy for me? Yeah? Have you been a good boy?”

“He’s been absolutely the best boy.” You smiled hearing Henry’s report and scratched Kal even more.

“Such a good boy, yes you are.” Kal curled up at your knees and rested his head on your bare thigh.

“I missed you too Kal.” Henry’s muscular thighs caught your eye and for the first time, you took notice that he was wrapped in a towel from the waist down. That meant he was naked underneath there. A smile spread across your face; a smile Henry caught.

“Oh no, I know that smile.” You stood and kissed him again, your hands roamed his body until they dropped to the waist of his towel. Henry’s hands gripped yours stopping you.

“Mmm, love I wish I could let you pull this off me, but I can’t. In ten minutes, I have to be out there to film the final scene of the night.”

“Ten minutes is enough time, you know it.”

Henry’s smile was wide, and his groan was one of a tortured man. “God, you just might be right. I probably could only last ten minutes but do you really want the first time we make love after seven weeks to be a ten-minute quickie?”

Realizing he had a point you groaned too. You were already more than ready. Henry must have sensed this. His hand dropped down to the sides of your thighs before he lifted your skirt to pull down your underwear. 

“Since you can’t wait, I’ll help.” His lips met yours again and kissed you so intensely you didn’t realize him leading you across his trailer. When he sat you atop his thigh you moaned at the muscle under your ass.

“Use me.”

Your eyes snapped open and you searched his eyes trying to find his meaning. Henry’s lip quirked up in a mischievous smirk. “Take your pleasure, my love.” Henry gripped your thigh making you swing it over his thigh, so you straddled it. the heat from his skin met your already wet pussy. A low moan escaped you.

“Show me how much you’ve missed me.”

Of their own volition, your hips bucked forward sending the pleasure the friction of his thighs brought all through your body. Your belly fluttered and one swipe was not enough. You repeated the action and another moan tumbled from your lips before you bit down onto your bottom lip.

“I’ve had dreams of those lips.” Henry kissed you again and your hips picked up their pace. Soon you were rolling your hips to the rapid speed that your heart was pounding at. When Henry’s mouth dropped to your neck to suck the flesh there you wrapped your arms around his neck pressing your breasts to his chest. Henry moaned and lowered his hand to your backside before he squeezed.

“I missed you so fucking much baby.”

“Show me.” Henry quickly pushed your jacket off you and lifted your shirt above your head leaving you in your bra. Your nipples pressed against the material desperately wanting to feel his mouth. Henry didn’t make you wait long before his lips wrapped around one pert bud. 

Your moan was loud as you wrapped your hand around his head to sink your fingers in his luscious locks. 

“Fuck!” you quickly bucked on his thigh as you began chasing your release. Henry bit down on your nipple knowing you needed a little more sensation to get you there. Your shriek of approval had him pinching your other nipple between his fingers. The sharp feel of Henry’s teeth against your skin inched you closer and closer to your release. There was a thin line between pleasure and pain and Henry Cavill fully understood that and often took advantage of that knowledge. 

“Oh my god, yes. Henry!” Henry’s lips left your skin as he looked down on your both hypnotized by the way your body rolled and rocked. Anytime you were on top of him he always got lost just watching you do your thing. He always said you were the best show he’d ever seen and that your body was like a drug. Right now, he was the drug and you wanted more. It was clear this was not going to be enough.

Once he heard your frustrated groan, he kissed you again. “It’ll have to be enough, for now, my love. Come for me.”

His command was the sexiest thing you’d heard in a long time—seven weeks to be exact. His prime and proper British accent always did things to you especially when he said the dirtiest things.

“Come all over my thigh, right now.”

“Shit!” Your body always responded to his commands, you didn’t know why, or how, but right now you didn’t care. Henry’s eyes met yours and that is where they remained. He knew the power of his gaze. In seconds you felt your orgasm wash over you making your body shake as Henry pinched your nipple even harder sending you higher. 

“Fuuuuck!”

Just as you thought you were coming down, Henry pulled you forward on his thigh but pulled you backward by your hair. You felt no fear, you knew he’d never let you fall. 

“Christ Y/N, you’re so wet for me.” As soon as he said it you felt him slip three thick fingers inside of you. You gasped and dug your nails into his shoulder. 

“Oh god.” The stretch was delicious, it had been way too long. He pulled them free and slid them back in several torturously slow times. On the fifth insert, he curled his digits pulling another orgasm from you. Your scream was not a quiet one or a reserved one, it was a full on shout. Henry’s lips swallowed it as he used his thumb to flick across your still sensitive clit. The action only intensified your orgasm.

When he stopped the curl of his fingers pressed against your g-spot making it impossible for your body to cool. His smile was a devilish one, he knew just what he was doing.

“You’re beautiful when you come on you fingers love. So god damn beautiful.” 

A knock sounded at the door of his trailer. Kal barked like the good guard dog he was.

“Yes?”

“We’re ready for you Henry.”

“I’ll be right there.” He never took his eyes off of you or his fingers out of you. With every word he spoke, he softly stroked the spot within. It was never enough to make you shout, but it was enough for chills to erupt all over you. Slowly he pulled his fingers from you and held them up between you. They glistened in the light from your wetness. They were so wet some of your essences trailed down to his wrist. Without words, Henry put his fingers in his mouth and sucked them clean.

“Mmmm. I’ve missed your taste. I can’t wait for later when I can have my fill.”

“Fuck!” Again, you groaned your frustration, which made him smile. Henry stood holding you in his arms and brought you to the leather couch across the trailer. As he put you down, he looked over your spread legs again before he shook his head. He turned away and cleaned himself before he put on his pants from wardrobe.

 “How long until you’re done?”

“Two hours maybe.” He kissed you once, then twice before he walked to the door. “Come out if you’re feeling up to it, I’d love for everyone to meet the love of my life.”

You smiled hearing him call you the love of his life. He was the love of yours.

#self service headcanon #henry cavill headcanon #henry cavill

[singeramg]

How Things Could Change: Part One

Hello everyone! This is a short drabble/ imagine I came up with one night it only going to be about 2 chapters long. 

Character: Henry Cavill/ Black! Reader

Rating: M

Warnings: Angst, Cursing, Mild Dom/ Sub, mentions of smut but no actual smut. 

Summary: You had a terrible day... week and you take it out on your boyfriend.

How things could change: Part 1

You honestly never expected things to go the way they had. You always thought you’d have a little more time before you reached this part of your life. Now here you were. Confused, and scared about what was on the other side of this life. What about Henry? How would he handle this? Both of your lives changed in a moment? 

Only time could tell you. You pondered exactly how you got to this....

*Flashback*

You and Henry were arguing, it was very rare when it happened. Often times you could respect what the other was saying with no problem. This time however was different.

It was an occasion where Henry was actually filming fairly close to where you lived. A 2-3 hour drive, but still much closer. The year anniversary of your dating was coming up fast. So were the holidays,This was the point of contention between the two of you.

He actually got along great with your friends and family. Being that he was in town you thought it would be natural to spend the holidays with them. Apparently Henry thought different.

He wanted you two (and Kal) to fly all the way back to London for a week to spend it there instead of where you were. Normally you wouldn’t have a problem with it. This time was different because it didn’t make sense at all. He was being unreasonable at least in your mind 

“Henry why don’t we just spend the holiday apart? Since you wanna go home so bad.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” He asked you. You could admit to yourself you were moody as shit and had been for the past week.

Your boss was giving you hell at work, according to him, doing your job well meant you got to do everyone else’s too. You had misplaced one of your favorite necklaces, having no clue of where it was. Plus your hair stylist pushed back your appointment a week after you had already taken your hair down from the braids you had been rocking for awhile. Needless to say you were good and pissed.

All of this on top of being tired, fighting off a cold, culminating in the drive to spend a long weekend with Henry. Now he was being really extra with this change of plans. You had enough. 

“It means I’m tired. It’s been a long week. I’m not about to argue with you about you wanting to be here with me or not. Do you.” You tossed your hands down on your thigh hard.

Henry responds rather quickly with “This is not an argument. I’m simply suggesting a change in plans. You never had a problem with this before.”

“That’s because I always go along with it. For the most part I’m am easy going. This time I am simply suggesting that we not.”

Henry had a way of being spoiled when it came to getting what he wanted. At least out of you. You two complement each other in many ways. He liked being the one in control and most of the time you were willing. The dynamic of Dominant and Submissive worked great for you both. Resulting in the best sex of your life. Not today.

“I just think...”

“HENRY! Damn can we not do this please I just told you I’m tired. There you go again. It’s always about what you want!”

Henry was moody today too. His day was plagued with attempting to get the same scene down 5 times because one of the other actors was having an off day. Not the mention another film he was attached to, now wanted to change the script to something else which put him in limbo during contract negotiations. His PR agent had complained it had been too quiet on his social media. All around a shitty day for him. Only bright spot had been knowing you would be up to see him. He had missed you.

It had practically killed him to know you were so close yet far enough he could not hold you.He hadn’t meant to piss you off, yet here you were.

Mad.

Now he was mad because you were lashing out at him. He didn’t even want to be around, afraid of the tongue lashing he might get. He knew your mouth was reckless when you were irritated.

“I don’t know who you think you are talking to little girl. Y/n you need to calm down and talk to me with some respect.”

He uses his authoritative tone. One that normally had you willing to do as he said. You however did not give two fucks right now.

“I ain’t gotta do shit but stay black and die Henry Cavill.”

You said quoting a grandmother long since passed on.

“Y/n you are being a real...” He stops mid sentence. You egg him on for no reason. You couldn’t  say why.

“What? Go ahead and say it! A real bitch!”

Henry had never called you that name in the history of being together. He would never disrespect you and he wouldn’t start now. He however would try and rein you back in.

“A brat. A real brat. Is what I was going to say. You need to calm down. I am going to go do my evening workout. I will be back in an hour. I’ll expect you to have pulled yourself together by then. Also expect your punishment when I get back.”

You roll your eyes.

“Go ahead y/n make it worse.”

And with that he leaves you in the hotel room alone. You pick up the small suitcase you brought with you, wait five minutes and then leave right behind him, with a note that says you went home and you will see him next weekend. “Work emergency.”

Honestly you knew you were only making things hard on yourself, making your forthcoming punishment worse, but you knew you were in a bad headspace. It wasn’t going to be fair to subject him to that all weekend. You’d buck-up and take that punishment on the chin (or on your face 😉) like a good girl next weekend.

Leaving out the side door to the hotel. You leave, driving down the road. An hour later Tears now running down your face. Regretting leaving like you have. Henry was intelligent, he would see through that bullshit excuse. You knew he’d fall back into the self-admitted feelings of loneliness, abandonment. One of the reasons he had his dog Kal. You hated yourself for being like that with him, all because you were feeling some type of way. He hadn’t deserved any of it. You both had agreed to this life back with you agreed to be his girlfriend and permanent submissive.

It was raining now, it seemed you had driven yourself right in the middle of a thunderstorm. You were looking for an exit so you could turn around and go back an hour to Henry. 

Your phone rang.

The hands-free option allows you to see Henry was calling you. You looked at the buttons on wheel for just a moment to make sure you hit answer, as you did, you looked back up to see a car spinning around on its roof in front of you. 

There was no time to stop

You screamed

The last thing you heard as the car made impact was Henry screaming your name...

A/n: Hey y’all! Tell me what you think! :D Part 2 coming soon!

#henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill #black!reader

[its-just-like-the-movies]

Date Night!: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Back when the swell fella who would become my boyfriend and I were in one of those strange middle grounds where we were on our way to becoming a couple and very, very aware of it, our first sort-of-date was when Tommy invited me to go see Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice on its opening night. I, of course, accepted, somewhat reluctantly. I can’t remember if I was expecting the film to be good or bad, though I’m sure before then some of its abysmal reviews had been public. I was also nervous about the whole “oh my god this is probably sort of a date isn’t it”, especially since at the time I didn’t know him all that well. This would be the first of many dates at Ze Cinemah, although after this we’d be perfectly, happily aware that they were all dates. Even better, I think, is our immediate discussions after the film is over, and how eager we are to talk about it and discuss what we’ve just seen. We’ve seen plenty of films together, and maybe I’ll talk about other ones we’ve seen someday, but I can already feel a pit in my stomach drop at having to talk about this stinking pile of steamingness. All said, Batman v Superman is one of those truly atrocious films, like The Judge or The Danish Girl, that works like so much manure and makes me start sparking and frothing with how horrible they were. It’s an energizer more than it is a depressive, though it for sure is both, and there is one thing about our date in particular that haunts me every day. It’s not even something the film did, but something I did, or almost did, but could have done more of. Something that perhaps could have changed the screening for the whole theater, or as Anthony Hopkins keeps saying in the trailers for the new Transformers movies “change the tide of human history itself”. I wonder about it every day and every night, as I sleep and as I wake, and especially as a type this story to you, The Void, and now I must share the tale of my screening of Batman vs Superman with you to get it of my chest, to free myself, and to see where the tides of human history itself shall take me. Also: I’m going to be very mean to this film, and am very not interested in hearing about how wrong I am from random eggs as I and many others I know have been on Twitter. I hate it, don’t care if you love it, for fuck’s sake leave me alone.

It didn’t take the two of us long to find a pair of seats, though we immediately moved to the row behind us because our view was partially blocked by the structure of the stairwell. We warned the couple who ended up taking those seats about it, though I can’t remember if they moved too. And the film starts. Zack Snyder has the gall to open the film by reminding us that Batman’s parents died in front of him during a robbery gone wrong. He also seemingly cannot hire Jeffrey Dean Morgan to do much beyond die in the openings of his films, though I remember he had more to do in Watchmen. The visual of Martha’s(!!!) pearl necklace snapping in the gun’s safety as the trigger is pulled is sort of fascinating but also pretty grotesque, all things considered. Batffleck is saying something, though I cannot remember what. We see the funeral, little Bruce running into the woods in sadness during the procession, only to fall into a well or pit or some such hole in the ground. The score, I’m sure, was going crazy.

And then, it happens. Baby Bruce is levitated out the pit by seemingly hundreds of bats flying around him like a tornado, floating him towards the light. This is how we are abruptly told that this is a dream sequence, and reader, I laughed. Not the cackle it deserved, but I couldn’t stop it from escaping completely. I chuckled, giggled, whatever; I’m pretty sure Tommy hit me on the arm to calm me down and get me stop but I’m not quite sure. The giggle is what counts, though, and it haunts me. What if I had just burst out laughing at a moment that the whole theater was palpably flummoxed by? Batffleck wakes up but I am still reeling from the horseshit prologue we have been subjected to. It is not the most nonsensical thing we are going to see in this movie. It is not even the least plot-relevant indulgence that Zack Snyder will take us through, nor the least inexplicable jump of energy or plot logic that we’ll be forced to sit through. Academy Award winner Holly Hunter will be forced to stare dramatically, in close-up, to a jar of piss before she and dozens of other people are killed in an assassination plot meant to frame Superman, whose own close up registers at the subtle, bottomless despair and discomfort of sitting on the can and realizing you’re not quite done shitting, except Henry Cavill also registers as remarkably bored. Jeremy Irons reads every line as Alfred Pennyworth with such bitchy, subtly nasty inflections that I actually found the character an unwelcome presence, though if anyone found this a life raft of something enjoyable happening on screen, particularly Irons, then by all means savor him. Amy Adams will throw a Kryptonite spear into an underwater pile of rubble and, with no indication that Lois Lane has been told why the heroes need it to vanquish the rock monster that is Doomsday, dives into the water and nearly drowns recovering it. Batman slaughters - in fact, he often guns down - dozens of criminals on screen, brands sex offenders, had one montage that’s just him training to become even beefier and another, completely bizarre dream sequence that may also be a warning from another dimension’s Flash where Superman is technically Hitler, and Barry Allen screams about Lois Lane before Batffleck wakes up at his desk, which is meant to convey that this May Have Been A Dream Or Is It Ooooooh. This scene has no narrative impact and is never referenced again, though it is not as patently stupid as is the sight of Superman, wielding that Kryptonite spear, deciding to kamikaze himself by killing Doomsday with the knowledge that he cannot survive any assault the giant may bring on him while he is in such close proximity to said spear, ignoring the two superheroes who have been helping him fight Doomsday this whole time.

There are plenty of other absurd, delicious, amazingly shitty one-offs. Michael Shannon is credited for appearing in the film for the three seconds General Zod’s corpse floats in the remains of his spaceship. The President of the United States decides to nuke Superman in the middle of his fight with Doomsday after the latter threw the Man of Steel into the Earth’s orbit (a safe enough distance to nuke him, I suppose). Diane Lane is duck taped and tied to a chair, threatened to be burned alive as Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor throws photos of her with “Witch” written on her face, and all of this is tied into some mythological asinine crap that is Luthor’s motivation for wanting to kill Superman and create Doomsday in the first place. Eisenberg spends the whole film as some combination of Edward Nygma and a meth addict’s impersonation of Heath Ledger’s Joker, and it is by far the biggest trainwreck in the whole film. I think I also resisted laughing once “MARTHA!!???!?!?!?!!!” happened but in truth, I blocked that out of my memory. The sheer joy of seeing Wonder Woman, and hearing the score come alive as she roars into battle, literally, at some points, is all that is keeping me from giving this film an F grade, though perhaps I just can’t rate an Amy Adams film that low. Gal Gadot is at least enjoying herself, which is in even bigger contrast to the stark constipation that Cavill and Ben Affleck are constantly exuding. The film has ideas about literal hero worship, about what Superman could mean or stand for, and wants to have real conversations about his necessity, but it jerry-rigs them through Christic imagery and working hard to undermine the criticisms of genuine challengers and the critics themselves. Bruce’s hatred and suspicion of the Man of Steel seems completely arbitrary, banking on the fear of Superman turning on humanity in spite of his big coming-out party as a global entity being the eradication of his home species for the sake of mankind. Horrific as the collateral damage was, it’s not in line with anything Superman does in the film, is shown as doing, or is framed as doing by Synder himself, who doesn’t pretend for a moment that there’s actually anything wrong with Superman. He’s content to make the man a misunderstood martyr, a golden boy whose death inspires the formation of The Justice League and the warming up of Batman’s glacial, inherently distrusting heart. Superman is basically fridged on behalf of Bruce Wayne, and it’s clumsily executed as Smallville himself is. 

There are so many vile, absurd, abstracted, unnecessary, horrific moments in this film and yet, I still wonder how much that night would’ve changed had I actually burst out laughing at the beginning of the film. What would’ve changed for the whole theater if some jackass sitting hear the back-left had cackled as a small child is literally lifted out of a scene the filmgoing public had seen at least seventy-eight million times by now, one that kicks off an indefensibly ghastly excuse for a Hollywood spectacle lit worse than even the lowest budge episode of The X-Files and colored like it’s scared that bright shades will deflate how Dour and Serious this Cinematic Experience is? Recounting many of the set pieces I’ve already mentioned back to my sister afterwards I couldn’t help cackling at some of them, though I did so far more angrily with Tommy immediately after, baffled not just that I had paid for this film but that it even existed, that anybody who made this gigantic dumpster fire thought that it was in any way a competently crafted, psychologically or emotionally coherent picture. Could we, as a crowd, as a community, have laughed at this horseshit for what it was? I love that in horror movies the audience always make the pact with itself that fine, this is a lot, you deserve a good scream. This picture was even more upsetting, and perhaps if I’d laughed, having taken the piss out of it so goddamn early, we wouldn’t have had to just sit there and take it. We could’ve fought back and laughed at it (with it?), openly railed against it, or just fucking not be quiet throughout this whole ordeal. I will always be haunted by this inaction on my part, and to this day it shames me.

He did try to defend parts of it, but not much, and for sure stole my comments about how Eisenberg wasn’t even playing Lex Luthor when we starting talking about the film to our RA Josh and fellow hallmate Dylan in the hall that same night. Josh peddled the theory that Marvel people had paid off critics to hate on DC’s live-action features, which I challenged by asking why Marvel would even need to do that. It’s not even that DC’s films are so drastically worse than any of Marvel’s features, but Marvel at least has a brand formula at work. Their knock is never that their bad, just predictable and uninspired, though they’ve been getting a little better at going against both those counts lately, with the Guardians films at least. And I will say this for Batman v Superman: It’s awfulness has staked a far larger claim on my mental landscape than The Avengers or Deadpool or most Marvel fare ever has. I liked Man of Steel fine, was particularly impressed by the early minimalism in portraying Superman’s powers, especially his x-ray vision, and was even playing devil’s advocate with family members I saw it with. I’m semi-interested to return to it, but not passionately so. You for sure couldn’t call this film formulaic, perhaps unworthy of all the bombast it’s applying to itself but worthy of notice the way a burning car is, or how Jeff Goldblum and Laura Dern are seemingly in awe of that giant pile of shit in Jurassic Park. As dubious as literally every aspect of this film is, the sheer magnitude of its awfulness is compelling in such a way that I became anticipatory of the film’s eventual Rifftrax takedown as I was watching it. I don’t know how soon into it this idea started, but once Amy Adams dived in to get that spear I could already hear the befuddled joke about Lois Lane: Plot Psychic that Kevin Murphy would probably hurl at the screen, and it made this mess a little bit better.

All things being honest, I am absolutely going to see Justice League with my boyfriend, though I wonder how much more excited he is than I am. I loathed Suicide Squad but thought it was so poorly edited I stopped caring and would up having something of an okay time, appreciating Margot Robbie trying to find a character in Harley Quinn and relishing that Viola Davis actively seemed to want to be there a little as I did. Of course I’ve seen Wonder Woman, a step above most recent DC efforts in that it’s compelling, competently told and emotionally resonant, though it really shows Gadot isn’t much of an actress. There’s a lot about it I questioned in the moment but I am so, so appreciative of Wonder Woman as a film that exists, and one I mostly enjoyed seeing even as I actively wished for a better version of the film while I was watching it. Maybe I should just not see these given how much I end up railing against these projects, but I love watching movies with my guy (who I also love) and they are great conversation fodder. Plus, we watch lots of better movies together! Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice was the first of many, many delightful date night movies, and we weren’t even dating yet! My guy was easily the best part of the film, though it’d be a discredit to it say that it wasn’t a memorable experience, future boyfriend or no. I truly hope I never see it again, at least not sober, but I got a great story out of it, and a great man too, which is more than a lot of movies have ever given me. And at the end of the day, it’s that the biggest reward a person could get? It’s not like this makes Batman v Superman anything more than a gray, ugly, violent, gross, despicable, unpleasant, misogynistic, time-wasting, utterly horrendous, steaming pile of shit. But hey, it counts for something.

#my posts #my reviews #tommy #batman v superman #dc #2016