#and also the weird ass jealously. annoyance. and whatever of her currently

[beaversatemygrandma]

It's an interesting feeling to be told that somebody has gender envy of you. But like. In a cis way. As in, stated before i started fucking around with my own gender. And then when i start fucking around with my own, i still get that same response and then i realize that it's in a nonbinary woman way. And then seeing their own progress and literally noticing the inspiration taken. And honestly, it's nice to see. I'm glad that she's taking my gender and manipulating it in a way that works for her. And then the reaction of a very masc look i have and they're just there, jealous as all hell that i can just flip between the two without issue. And honestly, I saw a few pics of them a bit ago and I think she's done it too now. It's a thing that made me feel better about that. Because even when i do have a more masc look, i still think i look incredibly feminine but I'll take it.

#taks speaks #all i know is there's mutual envy right now but mine isn't gender envy but more of envy that she's making quick progress #i want that lol #and also the weird ass jealously. annoyance. and whatever of her currently #i currently have very mixed feelings right now because i got a facebook notif #the whole 'this person posted and you haven't seen it yet!' #and me thinking that they literally deleted that like 2 years ago #and then seeing the post and finding out that she moved to another state and ditched FL #which i am so happy for her about because FL is a hellstate esp for people who are currently messing with gender #but i didn't get a text or anything? nothing? #like I'm so happy for them. so happy that we don't have to worry about her safety just by existing #but i was here looking forward to finally seeing her again this summer and the plans made like last Dec #but nothing. literally nothing. #the mixed feelings are strong as all hell right now #but you know. i'm glad she was able to leave #but at the same time. i really would've appreciated some sort of message and not having to notice because of a facebook post #3 days AFTER she made it to Cali #i just thought i was closer than that and i guess it's due to me being a few states away already #and for some reason heading right back into hell #which i am. which i hate. but home and friends are there and i want that back #it's not their or my fault that FL is literal hell