#and accidentally reblogging someone people didn't want to see on their dash‚ actually

[a-lonely-dunedain]

the best part about living under a rock is always being oblivious to whatever firestorm went down elsewhere in the fandom

also one downside to living under a rock is always being oblivious to whatever firestorm went down elsewhere in the fandom

#and accidentally reblogging someone people didn't want to see on their dash‚ actually #oops #but yea no it sucks to be on the other side of that I get it #there's one blog I have blocked bc seeing their takes never fails to ruin my day and it sucks when they somehow make it back on my dash #so I do feel bad about seemingly doing that for one of my followers. #sorry anon! I did see your ask but I just didn't feel like posting it publicly and risk making a Whole Thing about it #the post in question was deleted tho #anyway I guess there's a whole Situation I need to read up on at some point when I have the spoons

[astercontrol]

Callout post for myself

I'm writing this to clear the air about some things. Feel free to ignore if random vague fandom drama is not your thing.

At this moment, I'm not even sure if, or how much, anyone else is even thinking about these issues.

I do not know if, or how much, I may have inadvertently hurt others with the way I was doing things...

Basically...

I'm in a situation where I feel there' s been a conflict with some people. But none of the usual ways of trying to open communication with them feel… right, to me. It would be either DMing without consent, or addressing a post to them in public, and at the moment I don't feel they would be comfortable with either.

(This vagueposting approach is also… not good.)

(But it feels like the least bad option at this point. It won't force anyone to read these thoughts who's already decided they don't want contact with me. But I'll feel a bit more peace of mind knowing these thoughts are, sort of, in the open.)

Anyway.

...Until recently, this is what I had in the "About Me" post on my Tumblr blog:

DNI if: you don't wanna interact. (if I got any problem with the interaction I'll handle it, I'm a mature program with a block button)

I will block you:

… if your views are clearly so incompatible with mine that I don't feel we could ever have any positive interaction

…if we have already had interactions that I, for any reason, found too uncomfortable to handle

…if I see your posts on my dash a lot, but I notice that your blog says "NSFW blogs Do Not Interact" (or any DNI applying to me). I will do this because you don't want interaction from me, and I want to be sure I respect your boundaries and don't slip up and interact.

…(If you have already been choosing to interact with my posts, despite having me on your DNI list… then there's the additional problem that at this point I have NO IDEA how your boundaries work or what's the best way for me to respect them. So, again, I'll block.)

I've taken those words down and am considering something new to replace them. Because… I am trying to make some changes in how I handle these things.

I have enacted this "block people whose boundaries I don't understand" protocol. A couple of times, I think. Once that I remember clearly. Very early in my time on this tumblr account. It was somebody who had liked and reblogged several of my posts, and when I went to their blog, I saw "NSFW blogs DNI" prominently displayed.

This, of course, confused me. I freely admit to being a NSFW blog-- or at least, that I post pretty often about sexual attraction and sexual acts. If this person wanted to interact with me, why did they have a prominent post saying they didn't want interaction with blogs like mine? (And if they just hadn't seen the "NSFW" on my own blog before interacting, why would they expect others to check and see the "NSFW DNI" their blog before interacting with them?)

For the time being, I just... chose not to follow them, and not to go out of my way to interact. It was all I could think of to do.

But the status quo went on for a while: continuing to receive occasional likes and RBs from this stranger, and feeling increasingly uncomfortable about it… anxious that I might accidentally overstep a boundary.

Because… what even were this person's boundaries? How did they define NSFW, and in what circumstances did it actually bother them?

They had no problem sharing my tamer posts, so clearly their taboo didn't include "non-sexual interaction with a blog that sometimes posts about sexual topics." I felt pretty sure they'd be uncomfortable if I tagged them in any of those sexual posts or sent them a sex-related ask, which of course I had no plans to do... But their boundary must be somewhere in between, and it bothered me not to know where.

Eventually, I found it. A mutual of mine (someone else whose blog also openly admits to posting on NSFW topics) had reblogged a post from them.

It was a fandom post, an observation about a fictional character. My mutual had added commentary, but nothing sexually suggestive. I reblogged… and I made the mistake of putting something suggestive in my own additions.

The original poster-- in a move that somehow managed to take me by surprise-- reblogged it back from me, commenting something to the effect of "Don't add horny things to my posts."

And then I …well, I essentially panicked. And made the further mistake (at least, I now feel it was a mistake) of letting my panic response express itself with the block button.

At the time this made sense to me, for the reasons described in the About Me post that I quoted above. I had always agreed with those posts that sometimes go around, saying that it's perfectly valid to block others for your own mental health; that your online experience is there to be pleasant and relaxing, and there's no guilt in cutting off people who don't contribute to those feelings for you.

But later on (as things do sometimes go, over the course of gaining online social experience) I had an occasion to experience this from the other side. And it changed my feelings somewhat.

It wasn't an exact mirroring from the other side of what I'd done. The situation was different in a few big ways. But it did involve a person who blocked me without explanation.

Not a stranger or recent acquaintance. Someone who, up to that moment, had been treating me like one of their best friends-- including me in their private Discord server, replying to nearly everything I said, showing constant enthusiasm for every fan project I was working on. So, the sudden loss of contact felt to me like a totally unexpected double blow. Losing a close friend, and at the same time being implicitly accused of something, with no hint as to what.

What had I done? How had I hurt this person, badly enough to go overnight from friendship to complete non-interaction? What had I done that was so terrible that I was blocked from every avenue of even being able to reach out and ask this person what I'd done?

Since then, through conversations with others, I've been able to glean a general idea that this friend was experiencing a sort of crisis in their attempts to maintain an online social life that was beyond what they could deal with. It seemed they'd cut contact with a number of people, just for being part of certain social circles they no longer had the capacity to handle.

The patterns to which people they'd blocked were a bit confusing to me, but I imagine that my own… sometimes-overly-overt sexuality… might have contributed to why I was among them.

Unlike the stranger I'd blocked before, this person didn't have "NSFW DNI" on their blog; they were okay with talking about sexual topics in some circumstances. But not in all circumstances. And that boundary was never quite clear, to me or to several others who'd been in Discord servers and chats with them.

It's entirely possible that my own discussions of NSFW topics had overstepped the boundary and made this person uncomfortable, and that had been part of the reason for the block. It could also have been some other aspect of how I post (I do post about a pretty vast range of things, from silly and smutty to dark and depressing). Understandable, I guess, that anyone with certain mental health needs would need distance from that.

So... even though this all hurt a whole lot, I have been trying to understand or at least accept these other perspectives. I've been giving a lot more thought to how different people can have different ideas of what's a reasonable boundary to set.

And while there are some practical constraints on what one can realistically expect strangers on a huge online platform to adhere to... that doesn't change how individual people personally feel about their own boundaries, or whether I personally can feel some sympathy and some willingness to try and meet them where they are.

I've also been thinking about some things (which I discussed in the March followup to my February KOSA post) …some thoughts about communities that are built for mutual support in survival situations, and how their standards will differ when it comes to what's a dealbreaker for friendship. And how much effort people will put into trying to resolve conflicts when a group is smaller, less replaceable, and more necessary to one's life.

I mean, I'm not actually in that type of survival situation at the moment. But I'm becoming increasingly aware of how important communities are. And the community I've joined most recently through shared fandom interest is… a small, cult-classic sort of fandom, so the rareness and preciousness of good friends is kind of being hammered home to me at the moment.

And I have become more motivated to make some effort to heal what is broken, whenever I can.

I've never been good with conflict. Often my reflexive reaction to it is to isolate myself, to cut off interaction so I don't have to face what may have been wrong with it.

But I am trying to fight that response, because it's not healthy.

I've unblocked some people I blocked during those early conflict-phobic moments of panic. But of course I don't expect or feel entitled to be unblocked by anyone who has blocked me. As I've tried to express here, their reasons are their own... and while I may try my best to understand them, I acknowledge that I can't fully, and only the people who made the choices truly can. So I won't judge or expect anything in particular; only try to be open to whatever happens.

And I'm writing this post… not to try and argue against anyone, or convince anyone to do anything, but just to try and make clear what has happened from my end, and how I feel about it.

Like I said before, I don't know if others are even thinking or talking about any of this.

But my anxieties sometimes fear that they are, and that there may be people out there forming opinions about me, entirely from the other viewpoint in these conflicts.

And the only thing that eases that anxiety a little is… for me to communicate what I can, so that my viewpoint on what happened is at least out there.

Again, I know this was all vague... but, well, it's more info than was out there before, and I feel it would be wrong to go into much more detail. So, do with this information what you will. It's just me trying to make things a little less vague than real life seems to have made them.

#notron anyvirus #userworldproblems #drama #fandom #personal

[mintymemesandrpshop]

@torens-nightshift replied to your post “Open for Business! Hello~ This is an RP help blog!...”:

Hi!! sorry if this isn't the right place to ask (i still struggle with tumblr etiquette & didn't see anything against this in your rules ><) how do people get started in tumblr rp? i've been quietly observing a few blogs for a while and it looks fun but i feel like no one would be interested in talking to me or whatever ( _ _")

Hello there! Getting Started™️in tumblr rp has two parts, I think. making the actual blog, and networking (while Doing Things.)

Your blog itself probably needs a rules page, this can be anything you want to say or express- some people's rules are specific, some are just a few sentences. Establishing some boundaries or guidelines can be pretty important! But! it's entirely up to you, it gives a first impression to others on you as the writer. People mostly hesitate or have anxiety about accidentally upsetting others, so having something there helps! Even if it's just saying you're pretty chill.

Something else helpful is a muse page- people want to know what kind of character that you are writing! For some they will link to a wiki page, and for some they write out a whole bio for their headcanons- For example if you looked in my Volo's bio, you'd see that he's 32, cisgender, albino, and can see through fog. all headcanon stuff that might not appear in every reply i do! For OCs especially there can be a history section detailing their life and who they are!

The other major half is networking. Following RP blogs, making a promo (which you can make visible in tags;; blahblahfandom rp, multifandom rp, crossover rp, etc.) when you find a blog you are interested in, you can reach out! through ims or asks as well. (If your blog is curated enough and has its own dash/account, your sidebar may of course recommend rp blogs! that's about the only algorithm involved. the rest's work. sideblogs notoriously have trouble because they can't Follow people.) Like, I figure a lot of personal blogs find my posts/blog through tumblr's search function- which i'm still not used to because it's the new default, rather than going into the Actual #tag.

a subset of networking is Doing Stuff. Making headcanon posts, in character posts, open starters, and threading with other people will show off your writing enough for people to notice. Some people turn their nose away if a blog 'only' contains 'too much' RP memes, vent posts, or just doesn't have what they're looking for. While it's not a requirement, it may be helpful to make sure you have examples up to see. This part kind of really never ends imo, networking and doing stuff, but it's pretty essential to getting noticed. But like any facet of the internet or world, there's always someone who wants to talk to you! And would love to hear what you have to say! I'm sure that's something that even seasoned rpers might need to hear, everyone gets discouraged sometimes. It only takes a few people getting going to boost you along tho, so! Try to appreciate people! Y'know, socializing and all that, haha.

As far as some etiquette goes, try not carelessly spam-like or reblog. Since the person is writing a story thread, they use their activity to keep track. 'hmmm i wonder if someone replied today?' i ask! i look in my notes! somebody liked this somebody liked this somebody liked this somebody liked this

oh no! where is my post? it can be a little frustrating, so try to keep likes to real time or so, it's much more manageable. People do enjoy likes and feedback, but the first major reason that people block personals is to avoid this kind of thing. In my opinion, it probably doesn't help that it's a wordless interaction, but it depends! If you're not overdoing it, it's delightful, too!

Replies are much more free game imo, it's words as feedback and a bit more enjoyable. (I'll admit a reply on a pinned post is...a first for but hey! this works!)

Asks are enjoyed and adored. Literally as long as it isn't hate, any tumblr user likes getting asks, but RPers are ravenous, lmao. Some may get overwhelmed by their own workload and have to delete em, but socially speaking people love talking about their muses! Or how they as a mun write!

The second reason people block personals is discourse. I'd say the biggest cultural difference, if you are stepping into rp, is to please learn to share. Especially with the onset of Search showing things even mentioning character names. (some people even cen.sor their muse's name to avoid this.) You've probably seen mockey of kin discourse 'no doubles' and etc. Basically, don't be an ass about headcanons and try to respect people's portrayals. RPers would rather write, so many will not deal with the bullshit and their blog is not for arguing. Trust me that when anons or whoever interject in order to be a dick, you become the butt of the joke for that blog's whole audience. Many people love to write threads with duplicates! But even those whose rules say no duplicates as far as interactions go know that it's not nice to insult people and stay in their lane. Be Kind! Ask questions! If you'd like to share a headcanon of your own, the blog owner might like to see it, just don't be pushy and you're good! They might even have their own headcanon even if they disagree with yours and may share that! Everyone's writing is unique and that's the beauty of it! I've personally even had some random personal reply trying to shut down my headcanon/simping in a belittling way, which....i didn't fucking ask. let me have my fun!!! Sooo yea read the room! Have fun!

hopefully this isn't too much of a ramble but the first two sentences I said are the short and sweet answer :')

#long post #rp advice #torens nightshift #rp newbie #ooooh i rambled. oops! hehe #a doozy. #oopsieeee <3 pff

[chacusha]

Spent a while this morning trying to make Tumblr less depressing for me to use. Cutting this mostly because it's long and not very important.

I don't know whether to be irritated or happy with Tumblr right now. Basically, having been active on Tumblr the last month (mainly just to promote Summer on Ferenginar), I'm reminded of why I don't actually like using Tumblr so I was thinking of taking a break from this site again.

But I thought, if I could just figure out a way to mute certain users on this site, Tumblr probably would be a lot more usable for me. I've been trying to implement that by creating a filter for the usernames I'd like to mute, but it's not great because (1) it doesn't have any effect on the notes of posts made by other people, so the filtered username and their full reply/reblog tags/additions still show up there, and (2) while it does hide the content of that user's posts in tag searches and when people I'm following reblog them, it's really easy to click the button to show the post anyway. If possible, I'd really rather posts of that type just not show up at all in searches or on my dash.

Normally, I would block the user, but this is what Tumblr says a block will do:

Blocked users will not be able to: Follow your blog. Message you. Send asks to your Tumblr. See your posts in their dashboard. Like or reblog your posts. See you in search results.

Note that none of that stuff is the functionality I actually need. That is all block ("do not interact with me") functionality, not mute ("I do not want to see this user's activity") functionality. Similarly, when you try to actually block someone, this is what Tumblr warns will happen:

They won't be able to follow [your blog], send [your blog] messages, see [your blog] in search results, or interact with any of [your blog]'s posts.

Again, none of that is the mute functionality I was hoping for.

But then I actually just tried blocking anyway, and it actually does come with some mute functionality? All the person's posts are gone for me in the tag searches, and so are their reblogs/replies/reblog commentary in other people's posts, which is what I wanted. Their posts unfortunately still show up when someone I'm following reblogs them, so the mute functionality isn't complete, but it's better. I'm kind of annoyed because I would have just done that earlier if Tumblr had actually described their own block functionality correctly?

I mean, ideally, Tumblr should have separate mute and block functions, but in the absence of that, a combined block/mute function is way preferable to me than just no mute functionality.

(Just in case it needs to be said, if I'm following you or you're following me, you're not the person I am blocking/attempting to mute.)

Anyway, the other change I made in order to make Tumblr more usable is that I wrote a maybe-functional Tampermonkey script to hide the number of notes that posts have in tag searches. I might extend this to posts on my dashboard as well, but we'll see. I hope hiding notes on posts makes browsing this site more pleasant for me -- I'm kind of surprised I couldn't find an existing script or extension that had this functionality as I thought this would be a commonly-requested feature.

Also, another triumph/rant is that it's been a really long time since Tumblr has done that annoying thing of randomly following blogs I didn't ask to follow. This has corresponded to the period where I've deleted the Tumblr app, so I can only assume that I was accidentally following people while scrolling through the app. I'm glad that doesn't happen anymore. (Tumblr is such a half-usable site... 🤷‍♀️)

#tumblr #complaining about tumblr on tumblr

[samsrowena]

hello a few days ago i kind of went on a stealth hiatus and i'm still probably not gonna be very active here because this whole thing really soured my desire to participate in the fandom (and my desire to return to spn because i was taking a break from watching before this anyway). but i didn't want to just leave all of this unaddressed because it's really bothering me. so let me make some things perfectly clear:

as i have already said before but apparently need to reiterate, i do not ship w*ncest/w*nkline or ANY i*c*st ships at all. i do not support i*c*st ships or the people who post about them. i do not follow ANYONE who makes these posts. if i see anyone interact with my posts with i*c*st URLs or reblog comments or tags, i filter their URL or softblock if they followed (sue me for not blocking every idiot i come across, sorry). and the only time i have ever interacted with these people is ACCIDENTAL (i often reblog from the #spnedit public tag and i don't always check the blog first) and in these cases i have almost always received an ask letting me know and i took appropriate action

however --and this is what got me unfollowed and blocked by several mutuals and accused of i*c*st in the first place -- which is absolutely ridiculous, mind you: i DO "ship" cashannah. this is in very loose quotes because this is a ship i've made about four posts in my entire 12 years of having this blog??? and it's a very minor and unpopular ship anyway (not once have i ever seen this be because of "i*c*st" though. only because cas was seemingly not interested in her the same way. and the desticule is not known for caring about non-destiel ships lol)

but regardless, listen when i say that if i thought for a single second that that relationship was i*c*st i would NOT support it. not in the slightest. now i'm not trying to deny "angelc*st" is a thing because i think it is (like the archangels for instance) but i do not consider EVERY single angel siblings (just like no one considers all the demons or even all the humans siblings. IMO it's the exact same thing). now if angel ships make you personally uncomfortable, that's fine and i completely understand. your reasons for engaging or disengaging with whatever type of content is perfectly valid. and the point of this post isn't to argue or try to change your mind on a ship. i'm just asking you to please be mindful of what accusations you're placing on people.

with all this being said, i am also NOT going to sit here and spend every waking moment of my life policing the interactions of every single person i follow. i do not want anything to do with i*c*st content and if i see it on my dash, i WILL unfollow. you will never see it from me either and i do NOT purposefully engage with it. but this absolute insanity of "oh em gee i saw this user like this user's post and that user was a friend of another user who did blah blah blah and likes blah blah blah" like?????? how does anyone have time to waste doing this

again if something makes you uncomfortable, no matter what it is, that is TOTALLY understandable. but these callout posts and block lists and anon bait bullshit is soooo incredibly immature. if you have a problem with something someone posts, you can handle it PRIVATELY. instead of publicly slandering one person over whatever "proof" you think you have and then dragging other people into it who aren't even involved and definitely do NOT deserve it

anyways if anyone actually read all this long incoherent rambling, then thank you to all of you are going to stick around after this <3 if you unfollow, then okay cool i guess. just don't accuse me of something i'm not please. k byeeeee

#i am so sorry for all of this i hate being involved in fandom drama :/ #a.txt