#and I don’t feel good reassuring myself and telllng myself it went well because that’d just be setting me up for a bigger letdown

[seilon]

been having an overwhelming on and off feeling of dread all day over the thought of opening my email or getting a text or whatever and it’s Yet Another job rejection. like good god that’d fucking kill me

#I’m so tired of this dude #like I was pretty confident about this but. idk I’ve been turned down so many fucking times now and places have gotten my hopes up #just to let me down every single time and I just can’t help but feel like rejection is inevitable. cause im always rejected #note: I have been applying for jobs since January and have gotten exactly two (2) interviews that whole time. #kibumblabs #it’s only been a day but. idk #I am not going to be able to truly rest until I know the outcome despite how much I am dreading the possible outcome #and I don’t feel good reassuring myself and telllng myself it went well because that’d just be setting me up for a bigger letdown #man I wish they just gave me some kind of assurance on the spot #I think it isn’t helping that I’ve been super isolated recently #only one of my friends irl has been talking to me the last two weeks or so #and I know it’s realistically probably because school started but. idk no texts or anything #considering how things have gone this year overall mainly re: my ex and what he tells people I just feel like it’d be on brand at this #point for them to all want to stop associating with me and cut me off like my ex did and one of my close childhood friends did this year #I really don’t trust anyone anymore and I wish I could but when things are dead silent for a week or more it becomes kinda impossible #I wonder if any of them will talk to me voluntarily any time soon #I am not confident #lots of waiting lots of being alone lots of nothing