#amount of things i put her through cause i was unfortunately in the wh*mp community at the time

[ablednt]

OH MY GOD in your text post abt being called problematic as a teenager, I had the same thing happen to me. Everyone complained to a moderator about stuff I did (I'd say the worst of it was constantly forgetting things on the blacklist, but I would always go back and spoil it when reminded and I mostly forgot squicks because i shared triggers with a lot of the people in there) instead of taking it directly to me and when I got removed (in the middle of the night without warning), the mod told me I had to apologize to everyone if I wanted back in. Would not tell me what I had done wrong to who specifically, I was just supposed to remember. And when I asked for their discords the mod wouldnt give them to me because I "might make them uncomfortable". How the FUCK was I supposed to apologize to them???

Anyway. On the list of things I did wrong were two "personal gripes" equating to "you talk too much" and "you manage to throw yourself off track during conversations" and I like... half the people in the gc also did that. It was full of people with ADHD. I gave up lol

NO BUT TALKING TOO MUCH WAS FOR REAL ONE OF THE BIGGEST ISSUES THEY HAD LMFAOOO I was also called annoying for infodumping about the fandom the discord server was dedicated to IN the channels meant for discussing or posting about canon. Like literally just "yes you're in the right channel we just think it's annoying when u post specifically <3"

Anyway the ableism of it all was so bad that I wrote out a google doc for myself with ideas on how to mask what I soon learned was ADHD, autism, and trauma lmao. Here's a fun excerpt

[Image ID: a cropped google document in dark mode with a black background and white text. It reads;

If you’re upset and want to vent, consider going to your vent blog, or going to a more private place! Before venting something ask yourself the following questions: will hearing your upsetedness leave others feeling burdened or guilty? Is this something you can work out on your own? Is this a topic that others can comment on without feeling like they will insult you? If the answer to any of these questions is a negative, then consider venting in another place or directing your energy to another activity! 

Is there something you want validation on? It’s okay to seek validation, but you need to be thoughtful of where, when, and with who! Try to find people who would find enjoyment in whatever it is you created, or who share similar experiences! If you still can’t think of anything, it’s okay to try and validate it yourself! You need to work on loving yourself, instead of making others feel responsible!

Instead of thinking the worst of yourself (and by extension people’s treatment or opinions of you) try and think of something positive! Instead of brooding over something you dislike about someone, try complimenting them on something you do like! If you feel uncomfortable with this, you can always send them a nice anon if you know their blog.

End ID]

Like I really thought this was the epitome of health and not toxic positivity at all and on one hand it's sad because I was a kid just literally being abused and gaslit at this point on the other hand it's so fucking funny.

#ask to tag #a lot of it was just so fucking weird too like #they were all 'if u don't talk for a while you can stay in the server unless the secret person in here disapproves of you' #'then you're out' and I was so lost in the abused kid sauce I never asked if that was a joke or there was someone in here deciding my fate #or not in secret lmfao #also one huge gripe they had was I was roleplaying a kid (our syskid but i didnt know that yet) and she was an abuse survivor bc [gestures #to me being a whole abuse survivor coping through media lmao] and like whilst theres been a lot of very valid criticsms over the unnecessary #amount of things i put her through cause i was unfortunately in the wh*mp community at the time #by this point she was literally just vibing and recovering and stuff like it was all cute found family content #but they were like 😭 i know children irl. i even have children in my family knowing child abuse exists is so hard on me emotionally #please note they made jokes about child abuse on multiple occasions and were also pr0ship like lmao what #their other problem was 'when our characters are mean to her she gets sad and it makes us feel guilty' like??? ok????? the point of roleplay #is to give a genuine reaction this is a you problem lmfao??????? it was all so wild