#also working on trying to better distinguish this story from mr L's story | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

byuntrash101 · 3 years

Text

PARAPHILIA - Part 7

Pairing: Dom!Baekhyun x You; Boss!Baekhyun x You; CEO!Baekhyun x You

Genre: smutttttt

Tags: cuckolding, cheating, NTR, cum play, dirty talk, name calling (light), edging, oral (f)

Raiting: +18

Word count: 3.9k

Summary: When you are desperate for money you have no choice but to seek the help of Byun Baekhyun: your husband's rich, powerful and wicked boss.

A/N: This is the only part where OC and Baek are not a couple but keep reading it might even be better hehe. Guys this one is one of my faves of this whole series so I hope you like it toooo~ 😇😇 -Cat 😼

Tag list: @lovebuginlove @calamell @bobohumyonlyboo @smolbeanmika @making-me-blush @wooya1224 @yixing-jaehyun @f4ncyvelvet @lalalala-lav @deligxt @xofanfics @byunsugar @dixnysustae @to-all-the-stories-i-love @artisticcgroove @myexoobsession @geniusloey @blahblahblah-boo @nana-banana @mingiandbaconjam @chanyeolscoon

Tell me if you want to be added/removed

PARAPHILIA masterlist | General masterlist

Gif credit: thristyforbaek

Paraphilia #7: Troilism, Observing one's partner engaged in sexual activities with another person

T H E A L P H A M A L E

"Come on Seokjong, we're going to be late!" you tell your husband as you precede him on the pathway towards the big mansion. Your husband pants behind you.

"I know honey but... slow down a bit, will ya?" He puffs holding his side, difficulty going up the stairs. Your husband was never one to be really fit. He was rather short, not even taller than you and also a little chubby. People often told you that you two were not a good match. Telling you how much more good looking you were compared to him. Often you had to turn down the advances of men that thought themselves to be better than Seokjong but the truth was that you loved him. You loved him exactly the way that he was. Happily married for 4 years now.

Well... That was true up until recently. Even though you try to convince yourself otherwise. Your feelings are... changing.

You ring the doorbell in front of the enormous door of the even more gigantic mansion. While your husband catches up to you.

"Please enter" the distinguished butler says. "Please get seated. Mr Byun will receive you shortly" he points towards comfortable couches placed in the entrance. You look around the now familiar place. The floor is made of black marble tiles, the walls have an elegant white wallpaper with exquisite details. The entrance is very big, so big a renaissance style statue of a woman sits in the middle, while a huge staircase is right in front you.

You know the entrance very well but not the rest of the house because apart from the hall and another room you never visited it. Even though it was your 10th visit. Only two more to go...

After a while the butler came back and signaled you to both go upstairs. You politely nodded and went on your way. You knew exactly where to go...

Last room on your right... Mr Byun's office.

"Enter!" the low voice commanded from behind the door. You pushed in the door, your heart beating loudly.

The first thing you notice is the atmosphere. The big windows that accompanied the tall walls and the high ceilings are covered by curtains. The only light source is the desk lamp placed on the elegant dark wood desk that sits in the middle of the big office. The room is grand, the atmosphere very intimate.

Mr. Byun was standing there, slightly leaning back on his desk, shuffling through some paperwork, absentmindedly playing with the collar of his white shirt.

He wore a really expensive suit, very professional looking. Navy blue with discreet golden yellow accents and of course a thin white shirt that was perfectly hugging his frame. Which made your heart stomp even harder.

Mr. Byun was exactly what every woman would desire. He was handsome, had beautiful shiny chestnut hair. A body shape to die for with broad shoulders, a narrow waist and long legs. Gorgeous smooth skin, the most charming and seductive smile and of course... he was powerful.

Everything about him was, this mansion, the sports cars he drove, the way he dressed, the way he walked and even... The way he looked at you. Like right now.

He lifted his eyes from the paper, when they landed on you he took his time fully appreciating the view. He started with your shoes. You were wearing the sleek black shiny high heeled pumps he had requested for today. Then his eyes went up your legs to the slit of the red bodycon dress you paired with the shoes then to your breasts where his eyes lingered for a bit then to your collarbones then your neck then your plump red lips then finally your eyes.

Definitely you were not growing accustomed to the way he looked at you.

Seokjong also came in panting and profusely sweating. He took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his forehead. You rolled your eyes at him. You felt bad for that but at the same time... How could you not be mad at him? He was the reason why you were here in the first place.

Seokjong had an addiction. An addiction to gambling. For the past couple of years it has gotten worse, to a point where Seokjong lost 1 million dollars to the mob. It was a colossal amount of money that needed to be paid back right away. So of course you took two other jobs and also borrowed money from your parents but you barely could gather 80 000 dollars. It calmed down the mob for a while but after a time they started to threaten your family and loved ones.

So Seokjong turned to his boss: Byun Baekhyun. He had worked for him all his life and even for his father before he took over the company. So you both went to see him on the top floor of the big company building. Your husband got on his knees and begged him to lend him the money. He told him that he would work his whole life for it. He offered to put Mr. Byun on his will, he even offered him his parent’s farm, which was a ridiculous offer, and he knew it but he just had to take the chance in order to save your marriage, your family and even your life.

But Mr. Byun laughed at his face.

"Look at me... Look at this office. Does it look like there is anything in the world that I can't afford but you... somehow can?" his voice sounded so cold at the time.

"N-no..." Seojong said, lowering his eyes.

You remember how Mr. Byun leaned over your husband still flat on the ground and said:

"Offer me something that's unique, that only you have. Something that money can't buy and I might consider it..." with that his eyes turned to you and he looked at you for the first time like he did moments ago.

You remember how the shivers ran down your spine when his lips curled in a carnivorous smirk, how lust gradually clouded his eyes.

That time, for the first time. You let another man touch you, feel you, and look at you in places that were before only for Seokjong. Only for your husband.

That time, for the first time, at the top floor of the big highrise. You let Mr Byun Baekhyun have his way with you.

That's how you both agreed to let Mr Byun fuck you in front of your husband every month for a whole year in exchange of clearing Seokjong's depts with the mafia.

That was what you were now: Mr. Byun Baekhyun's whore.

"The door, Seokjong" Baekhyun commanded which brought you back to the present moment.

Slowly he walked up to you... Gradually you felt heat washing over you. You didn't want to admit it but there was a moment in time where you started to anticipate every time you had to come into this mansion. Of course you never told anybody, not even yourself.

Baekhyun walked behind you and rested his chin on your shoulder. You felt his warm breath brush on your ear and his body press against your back. His fingers brushed up your arm. From your wrist to your shoulder, sending goosebumps all over your body.

Already you felt a tingle build in your core. Because Baekhyun didn't even have to try to get you started. His aura and the simplest, littlest touches were well enough. But the worst part was that he wasn't content with that. Everytime he made sure to drive you crazy with desire, pushing all the right buttons to the point where you were the one begging for him.

Without even a word he slipped one of the spaghetti straps of your dress off your shoulder and started to nibble at your neck and earlobe. You knew your husband was right behind you, watching your every move so you tried your hardest not to make any noise as he planted blue and purple love bites all over you. He smirked when he noticed you were holding yourself back. Because he loved when you resisted him. The more you resisted the more gratifying it was when you finally gave in. And he knew you would... eventually you will give up yourself to him, again.

"Seokjong come here" he commanded while stepping in front of you and standing at a little distance, to be able to fully see you. Your husband shuffled to his side.

"Yes Mr Byun?" he asked looking up at him as he was a lot shorter.

"Strip her for me" he said motioning to you with his chin.

"Yes sir" Seokjong responded. He came to you and slipped off the other strap. Then with caution he slowly pulled on the thin red fabric and rolled the bodycon dress off you. First, your breasts popped out since Mr. Byun specially requested you to not wear a bra. It made him smile and lick his lips when he noticed how hard your nipples already were. Because even though you're trying to resist, your body speaks the truth.

Slowly but surely the dress was completely off you. Leaving you close to naked in your red lace thong and your shiny black pumps.

Baekhyun stayed silent for a minute while he walked around you. Admiring your breasts, your beautiful legs in the shoes he chose and even your perky ass in the minimalistic red thong.

He licked his lips again. Then walked in front of you. He slowly closed in the distance between the both of you until you felt his warm breath tickle your cheeks, his broad torso pressed against your naked chest and his bulge against your stomach. You held in your breath trying to contain the thumping of your heart.

"Seokjong come here" your husband shuffled to him. Baekhyun placed a hand on his shoulder. "There... stand... right there" he said as he placed him exactly facing the both of you only a few centimeters away.

"Pay attention" he told Seokjong, winking at him and playfully padding his shoulder.

"Yes sir" your husband answered.

"Now baby" Baekhyun brought back his attention to you. "Stick your tongue out for me"

Hesitant you slowly opened your mouth to stick out your tongue. Baekhyun glances again at Seokjong, making sure he's watching carefully. Then approaches his face to yours. Slowly he sucked on the tip of your tongue then he pushed his soft lips against yours. Embarking you on a hot kiss. His tongue swirled inside your mouth and as heat started to wash over your body you couldn't help but to look at Seokjong. He didn't lift an eyelash, he was petrified. Baekhyun deepened the kiss. His hand went up your hair, tangling his fingers in it, while the other slipped to your lower back where he pulled lightly on the waistband of the thong to let it slap against your skin. Gradually you felt his bulge harden against your stomach which made the tingly feeling even stronger.

He broke the kiss to let you catch your breath and looked at you with a satisfied smile. Stafisified because you couldn't hide anymore. Your eyes were begging him to continue as your body was too... Baekhyun felt that.

"Seokjong" Baekhyun called your husband, before sitting you on the desk and sliding off the red thong, passing it over your heels. "Look, that is what a simple kiss with me does to your wife" he said holding the little fabric in front of your husband face. You felt embarrassment creep up inside you.

The thong was drenched with juices, and you hated that. You hated how this was the truth. Your body was betraying you, craving more of his touches, longing for the moment he was going to be inside you.

Seokjong looked at the shameful result of your arousal and simply nodded.

"Lick it." Baekhyun commanded, smirking. "Taste your beloved wife's desire for my cock"

You whipped your head in the direction of your husband. He, too, looked at you before slowly bringing the red piece of fabric to his face and licking the wet spot. He closed his eyes, his eyebrows creased.

"How is it?" Baekhyun asked.

"Delicious, sir" Seokjong answered, opening his eyes. Baekhyun smirked before turning his attention to you again.

"I want to try it too" he said before crouching down and bringing his face close to your heat. You felt embarrassed. But at the same time you didn't move a muscle because you couldn't wait anymore for him to finally touch you there.

You immediately let your head fall back when you feel his warm and wet tongue on your slit. Slowly going up to your needy clit. A small whimper escapes your lips which makes Baekhyung smile against your folds. His skilled tongue paired with the teasing from earlier makes the knot in your stomach tighten. Really quickly, you feel the pleasure rising uncontrollably. But as soon as Baekhyung feels you twitch under his tongue he slows down to an unbearable pace.

You can't help but whimper desperately. He smirks again and picks up the pace, circling your swollen bud with his tongue.

This time shameless moans escape your lips, the pleasure is just too much and you can't help it. You're so close, you want to cum. But again, he slows down. You look down at him with pleading eyes but don't dare to actually say the words. He smirks at you; he loves to see you struggle like this. He loves the frustration in your eyes.

He starts up again. He gives you just enough to be close to the edge but not enough to actually go over. He keeps you there, in the middle, playing with you, torturing you. And you just can't take it anymore.

"Please" you whisper. He parts his lips from yours.

"Please what?" he says smirking, looking up at you. He brings his hand to your heat and draws small circles on your very sensitive clit. You gasp, biting your lip.

"Please let me cum" you beg in a breath, your head is dizzy, you have trouble keeping your balance on your high heels and you hold on for dear like to the edge of the desk.

"You want to cum baby?" you nod.

"Seokjong come here" your husband comes to stand directly behind him, facing you. "Watch how your wife cums for me".

With that Baekhyun's fingers slip inside you and curl up immediately spotting your good spot. You can't help but to moan loudly. His lips go back to your clit where his tongue continues to tease you further. Only this time, it's to finish the job.

Mercilessly his fingers and tongue attack you, to transform you into a moaning mess and as you feel the knot threatening to come undone you look up at your husband. You feel immense shame to let him see your delighted, sinful expressions from another man's touch. You're ashamed of letting him hear you moan for Baekhyun like that but at the same time... It turns you on so much. When you're met with the disappointed eyes of your husband you are finally able to cum. Your walls tighten around Baekhyun's fingers as you twitch uncontrollably under his tongue. Your juices rush out of you completely soaking the wooden floor. Completely out of breath you squirt all over, a blissful and lingering moan rolling off your tongue.

Baekhyun pulls out his drenched fingers out of you and stands back up before turning to Seokjong.

"Did she ever squirt like this for you?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"No, sir." Seokjong said, lowering his eyes. Baekhyun smirked, satisfied.

You tried catching your breath as you held yourself up on the desk with difficulty.

"Seokjong sit there" Baekhyun said as he pointed to the floor in front of the desk. Seokjong complied and sat his back straight against the darkwood and waited, his eyes locked on the floor.

Baekhyun started to undress himself. One by one he undid the button of his white shirt and took it off. Revealing his perfectly sculpted body. His chest was glistening from lightly sweating. His cologne gracefully floated to your nose. He smelled exactly like he looked: very expensive and manly.

He then took his pants off and kissed you again. Forcing your mouth open with his tongue as he pushed his hips on your stomach. You couldn't wait for him to be inside you.

"Bend over the desk baby" he said softly in your ear.

You turned around and bent over. You were positioned in a way that your husband's face was directly underneath your crotch. This way he had a front row seat on your adulterous sex with his boss.

Baekhyun came over and rubbed his hot tip against your drenched heat. He brushed it against your swollen clit before slowly slipping inside you. You moaned shamelessly at the delicious full sensation he was making you feel. There was no comparison. He was so much bigger than Seokjong.

"Seokjong, did you see how easily I slipped inside her? It's almost like she was made for me" Baekhyun said in a groan. Fully indulging himself in the tightness and warmness of your naughty little pussy.

Seokjong didn't even reply, instead he started to palm himself through his pants. He hated himself for it but he couldn't stop himself from getting aroused. He saw expressions you never made for him. He heard moans he never heard from you. All of that was, inevitably, turning him on.

Baekhyun started to slowly thrust himself in and out of you. You moan for him like he is the only one in the room. At this stage, you don't care one bit about your husband anymore. The only thing that you want is Baekhyun's fat cock rearranging your guts to fit him.

"Please faster" you plead. Baekhyun smirks but decides to grant your wish and goes faster and even deeper inside you. You throw your head back as he tightens his grip on your waist. Making your breast jump and the desk shake to the sound of your skin clashing.

He feels so good inside you, no one can ever fill you up like he does with his huge cock. You moan for him, forgetting about your husband right underneath you. You want Baekhyun to hear how good he makes you feel.

"Does it feel good baby"? he groans in your ear.

"Yes!" you reply without hesitation, his low voice sending goosebumps on your skin.

"Does my cock feel good?"

"Yes! Aaah.. So good!!" you close your eyes as you feel the knot tightening again.

"Yes you're a dirty little slut of a wife" he whispers in your ear.

Seokjong palms himself harder, rubbing circles on his aching cock. Drunk on the sounds that you make only for Baekhyun. Droplets of your juices crash on his cheeks and bottom lip which he sucks off hurriedly. It's almost like you never tasted so good.

Baekhyun picks up the pace again when he feels your pussy tightly gripping on his cock.

"Moan for me slut" he says through gritted teeth.

"Aaaah Baekhyun I'm cumming" you moan shamelessly. But Baekhyun once again slows down, a whimper escapes your lips as you feel your orgasm getting away.

"I'll let you cum if you tell Seokjong how much of a disgraceful wife you are" he says in a low voice, groaning in your ear as he fucks you at an agonizingly slow pace. You whimper, not wanting to go that far.

Seokjong doesn't move anymore, he holds his breath, somehow... he wants to hear that...

Baekhyun violently thrusts inside you to convince you. You scream out a moan to the immensely pleasurable but ephemeral sensation. With a trembling lip you start.

"Seokjong I'm sorry to be such an undeserving wife" you start, Baekhyung goes ever so slightly faster inside you.

"Aaaah... I let Baekhyun fuck me and... Aaaah.. I love it"

Seokjong rubs himself through his pants once again.

"But his dick is so much better than yours... Aaaaah"

"Good girl continue" Baekhyun encourages you by fucking you harder.

"There's no way... Aaaah... I can go back to your tiny penis anymore... Aaaah. After getting a taste of Baekhyun's huge cock"

Baekhyun goes even deeper and faster. The knot is threatening to come undone at anytime.

"Baekhyun's cock is... aaaah... aah... So good I only want him to make me cum. Only he knows how to manhandle me."

Seokjong furiously palms himself underneath you, his face towards your heat, where he carefully watches his beloved wife's pussy get rammed by his boss.

"Good girl." Baekhyun praises as he doesn't stop fucking you mercilessly. Feeling your pussy twitch around his cock. "Now cum for me baby. Cum on this dick baby" he commands.

You give yourself in to the pleasure Baekhyun makes you feel as your tongue loosely hangs out of your mouth and your eyes roll back. You can't control anything anymore. You're cumming harder than ever.

"Seokjong, listen to me moan while I cum on Baekhyun's fat cock" you scream as you finally cross the edge.

Your pussy pulsing around Baekhyun's huge cock inside you. You scream Baekhyun's name one last time as your juices gush out of you again. So much liquid spurts out of your pussy, to completely soak your husband that is still sitting right underneath you.

Seokjong releases himself in his pants. A stain of cum appears on his crotch through his pants as he opens his mouth wide to catch as much squirt as he can. He drinks your juices as his dick pulses under his hand.

Pleasure completely takes over your body, making your mind blank until the only thing you can ever remember it’s this incredible sensation of Baekhyun’s cock inside you.

You don't even have time to get down from your high that Baekhyun pulls on your hair to make you face him and kneel before him. He violently pumps his fist around his cock.

"I'm gonna cum in your mouth. Baby open wide" Without even a second thought you open your mouth and stick your tongue out more than happy to welcome his warm cum.

Finally Baekhyun shoots to the back of your throat and all over your face. You look delighted as so much thick cum coats your tongue and cheeks, the delicious bitter and manly taste spreads in your mouth and makes your head dizzy.

You fully savour his cum playing with it in your mouth before swallowing it all. Baekhyun looks at you with a satisfied smile. He taught you well. His eyes turn to your husband again.

"Now Kiss her. I want you to taste my cum in your beloved wife's mouth".

To Seokjong it's an unexpected miracle. He quickly scoots over to you and happily links your lips together. The bitter taste spreads to his mouth as he thoroughly licks and sucks your tongue, not forgetting one corner of your mouth.

Seokjong never told you either, but with time he also came to anticipate the visits to Mr Byun's house.

You both liked the thrill of doing something so bad, so wrong. But it felt so right and both of you were hooked.

Baekhyun smirked, a carnivorous smile plastered on his face. In the end, he both transformed you. He was proud of turning a happy couple into to two adulterous sex hungry freaks.

"See you next month"

PARAPHILIA masterlist | General masterlist

166 notes · View notes

cedricslover · 3 years

Text

Troubled pt.2

Pairing: Cedric x fem! reader

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.5 Pt.6 (Final)

Series summary: A very unfortunate situation happened and it resulted in very unfortunate events. You had everything, a good boyfriend that everyone dreamed of, best friends that you got in a twin pack, and a loving school. It was a calm before a storm and in your sixth year the storm came. You faced the consequences your deceased parents run from, you were only left with your only family, your little brother. What would you do in order to save him? The answer is, everything, even if it means joining a terrorist group of wizards, joining THE DEATH EATERS...

Chapter summary: The first task took place and after that the Yule Ball came. You reminisced memories from the past as your boyfriend makes a surprise.

Note: there is no specific house:))) i can make requests if y’all have one. Italicized paragraphs are the memories. (Also the notes, but you can distinguish them)

Warnings: a little tiny angst, and almost all are just fluff.

Word count: 4,3k

"You got this alright" You said while brushing Cedric's hair, nervousness filled your voice. Cedric catches your hand that you used to brush his hair. He slowly put it in his chest, directly to his heart, you can feel his heart beating really fast. "I'm also very nervous, I'm scared, love, but if we continue to be scared then what will happen?" He said while looking at you softly, "You should be the one calming me down, not the other way around" he added that made the both of you chuckle. But that chuckle ended when a flash filled your surroundings.

"Aaah, first Harry Potter and that Granger girl, now Cedric Diggory and who might be this girl is." Rita Skeeter walked towards the both of you. "Mr. Diggory. Just one little change of what really happened, I can make you more famous than that little Harry, we all know he overshadowed you, that spot he has in the media? It should be you. Well, that-" Rita was interrupted by you.

"If you won't say anything nice, then just go, be a dung beetle or something" You said that made Rita’s jaw drop, no one knew that she was an animagus, but you saw it, one time when she tried to sneak in the Gryffindor's common room, probably to get more story of Harry.

Pathetic, you said to yourself

"I- let's go" Rita said to her photographer and left the tent. You looked around and saw Viktor Krum, Fleur, Harry, and Hermione look at you. "Everything's okay don't worry" you said to them. Viktor nodded, Harry and Hermione asked you again through a thumbs up and you replied with a thumbs up too, while Fleur walked towards the both of you.

"Ahre you sure you two ahre fine? Whaht deed zat lahdy said?" Her soothing voice asked you, her French accent really mesmerizes you everytime. Fleur and you became friends the moment they arrived, even though she admitted she had an eye for your lover, she respected your relationship. "Of course, you should sit back, don't worry" you gave her a soft smile.

"Should we worry about Rita?" Cedric asked you after you talked to Fleur, "I don't know, but forget her for the meantime. You," you shifted your gaze to his eyes, your hands landed on his shoulder and straightened it. "still have a task to complete" you smiled.

"Good day champions! Gather round please" Dumbledore entered the tent, you also saw Barty Crouch, Madame Maxime, Karkaroff, and others. The champions gathered forming a circle, you were dragged there as Cedric held your hand on the way.

While Dumbledore was talking he suddenly noticed you, "Miss Y/L/N, what are you doing here?" He asked you and you smiled awkwardly, letting go of Cedric's hand, Dumbledore then noticed Hermione who was just right beside him. "And miss Granger?" You hid your laugh and excused yourself from the crowd and dragged Hermione out.

"I thought he wouldn't notice" You said while you two walked your way to the bleachers, "Me too! I was just right by his side and he still noticed you first" Hermione exclaimed and you both laughed.

"Place your bets lads!!" You heard the twins' voice as soon as you arrived at the wooden bleachers. "Oh please give me a break" You said when the twins looked at you teasingly, asking you to place your bet on the champions. “Oh come on Georgie, we both know where she would put her bets on” Fred winked at you and you just rolled your eyes while smiling. They all know. The cannon was fired and it was the cue that the first triwizard task will start.

You breathed heavily when you saw Cedric went out, your gazes met and you gave him a little smile with a nod. “Good luck” you mouthed.

It was a rough start, as soon as Cedric saw the opportunity he immediately transfigured a rock into a Labrador, but luck was not on his side today. The Swedish Short Snout lost interest at the dog and chased Cedric instead. Tension was definitely in the atmosphere, a lot of cheering and a lot of grunts too as they all bent their bodies like it was them who was facing the dragon.

“CEDRIC!” You shouted. The dragon just breathed fire directly to Cedric's face. Without a doubt you immediately ran down not minding the people you bumped into. “Excuse me, sorry” are the only words that came from your mouth You arrived at the tent and was greeted by Madam Pomrey’s worried face.

“He’s fine dear. The burn is not that severe. I already applied orange paste, he’ll be fine in a few hours.” She said looking at you with a soft smile and tapped your shoulder. You felt relieved.

As Madam Pomfrey left, without a doubt you entered the space where Cedric was in, you knew it was him because of his silhouette.

“You doin’ fine there love?” you said softly as soon as he saw you. He smiled and tapped the space beside him, gesturing you to sit.

“How was it?” You asked and observed his face. You dared not to touch it, afraid that you might hurt him more. “Scary” he said and widened his eyes, trying to scare you.

“Rate it from 1 to 10, ten being the highest” you replied and crossed your arms while looking at him with your left eyebrow raised and lips slightly curved to a smile.

“Ooh! I would say an eleven!” Cedric answered while putting the back of his hand to his forehead, acting very dramatic. You shake your head while laughing. “No but seriously, how bad is it?” you stood up and faced Cedric. Now his level is only in your stomach, “It really was scary” he said with a gloomy tone and grabbed your waist with only one arm as his other arm was covering his face.

“People die in this tournament. I’m still scared” he added, laying down his head to your stomach. You felt his sigh, the heat from his breath. “And it’s okay” you replied to him while caressing his hair, “It’s okay to be scared”.

“Now that our lesson is done, I have something to say, better not pack your things yet” Professor McGonagall said as her class ended. “The Yule Ball is approaching- a tradition of the Triwizard Tournament. A formal dance that will be held on the evening of Christmas. Only fourth years and above are allowed to attend, but of course you can invite a younger student. This will be a great chance for all of you- especially you’re all almost grown ups, I suppose this is the best time to let our-er- hairs down. That’s all.” The room was filled with giggles as you all packed your textbooks.

“Who are you taking Fred?” you asked as you and the twins walked side by side in the halls. “Angelina” he answered that made you and George poke his waist and start teasing him. “Hmm Angelina huh” you said teasingly and made your eyebrows go up and down while George laughed. “Stop” Fred exclaimed while looking scarlet. His freckles are now more prominent, “you look like a strawberry” you pointed to his face and laughed. “Oh Godric” George did nothing but laugh too while Fred covered his face, trying not to laugh too as your and George’s laugh are contagious.

Days passed by and a lot of students had been asked out. You smiled at the thought of the future lovely evening. Christmas is getting nearer but to your absolute disappointment, your boyfriend hasn't asked you yet. You think of this as childish, he's already your lover, why would he even ask you, isn't that supposed to be automatic. But of course, you wanted to experience what others felt, how these Durmstrang men asked your friends including Hermione. The looks and giggles they gave each other. You wanted to experience it. Nevertheless, you knew Cedric was busy, figuring out the next task, the pressure he has to put up with. So you decided to shrug off your immaturity.

"Hey how are you?" You said and sat at the end of Cedric's bed. His broad back facing you as he was sitting at his study table, writing in a parchment, probably doing his homework. He answered you with a "hmmm" indicating that he's fine. You were still worried he might overwork himself but you already warned him before, besides, you're always there whenever he needs someone to stop him.

"Hey, hey" you walked to him and moved your hands smoothly on his back and hugged him from the neck. You rested your face on his shoulder while peeking at his work. "You wanna take a break first? You look tired baby" you said with concern visible in your voice. He shifted his head to your side, you both stared at each other for a while, his bags weren't there but you know he is tired, "come on, stand up, I'm not taking "I'm fine" for an answer" you stood up straight and offered your hands that he eventually reached and held.

"I surely needed a rest" Cedric said hoarsely, grabbed you and held your hips. "And thankfully my rest is here" he added before pinning you to him and greeted you with a kiss.

You tasted his lips, coffee, that was the first thing that you tasted, until it became him, his taste. You wrapped your arms to his neck to pull him closer, one, two, three, four, five. Five minutes before you two broke that kiss.

"So you're an ass grabbing boyfriend now?" You said and looked at his hand in your buttcheek. "Maybe" Cedric shrugged and chuckled as he squeezed it again.

"Come on, let's sleep, I'm tired too" but before you can even walk towards the bed, your feet were not on the ground, he was carrying you, bridal style. "Oh Godric" you exclaimed, shocked, and almost screamed when he playfully tried to throw you.

"Nahhh I can't do that" He said and laid you down carefully on his bed. "Now let's cuddle" he pulled you in a tight hug but not that tight that it will hurt. Your head on his chest and you breathed in his smell. "You smell good" you unconsciously said, hypnotized by his scent. "I know, I always do" he replied boastfully. "Couldn't agree more" were the last words you said before you sank to sleep in his arms.

You woke up at first not aware that it was a weekend, you panicked until you saw a note stating

"It's weekend love, Saturday, I know you might panic but don't worry, it's a weekend. Now I want you to take a bath in my restroom, of course your essentials are there. You can use any of my sweaters too. It's a cold day." -Ced;)

You smiled at the thought that Cedric wrote this while you snore at your sleep, adding the winking face, winking Cedric is such a cutie.

You got a towel and bathrobe from his cabinet and headed for the restroom in his dorm, but before you entered you gazed at the other bed which was supposed to be his roommate's space, it looks like it wasn't even moved. You shrugged and just thought that Adam (Cedric's blonde and full of himself roommate) was just in another girls dormitory, he was definitely a playboy.

While humming your favorite song, you noticed a note just like the one at the bedside table earlier.

“Lookin’ and smellin’ good I reckon. Now, can you please go to the place we first met. There’s a gift waiting for you there;)” -Ced<3

You laughed at the heart at the end. Familiar butterflies started taking up space in your tummy. You looked at yourself in the mirror, and in a snap, your smile was gone. Reality slapped you. This, what you are experiencing, will be gone. Gone. Everything. You didn’t even realize, tears started rushing down to your face. You questioned your decision, your life, your parents. Why? Why?!

“Y/N??” you heard someone called you from outside, right away you wiped the tears. “Y-Yeah?!” you slightly shouted, trying to cover up the crack in your voice.

“Oh you’re there. I’m just going to get my things. Don’t come out yet. I don’t want to see Cedric’s property with only a bathrobe covering her body” It was Adam’s voice, it was his playful laugh. You rolled your eyes while you started fixing your face.

“I’m no one's property Adam. Shut it” You said and just got a laugh as a reply. “Alright. I’m heading out. Peace!” you heard the door shut. Your cue to come out.

“Hmm what to wear?” You talked out loud as you wandered your eyes to Cedric’s cabinet. You noticed a note again.

“ Got you undies babyyyy. I want to try them though:( ” -Ceddie

“Merlin’s beard” you stifled a laugh but it immediately transitioned to your jaw dropping as you opened a drawer full of underwear for women. After processing the thought of how he managed to get the right size and WHERE DID HE BOUGHT THEM. You picked out what you felt wearing today and decided to wear Cedric’s caramel colored sweater.

Now to head to the Transfiguration classroom. Where you two first met.

“Late are we Miss Y/L/N? Care to explain?” Professor McGonagall greeted you as you entered the classroom. Other first years’ heads are turned to you. Waiting for your answer. “I got lo-” but before you can continue a redhead who stood tall with his prefect badge appeared beside you. “She got lost, professor, helped her, sorry for the interruption. Prefect duties y’know what I mean” he playfully winked at the professor who then let you off.

“Go sit beside Diggory” she said and started teaching as soon as you sat. You didn’t talk, your attention was all just to professor McGonagall. Transfiguration is a great subject but one of the hardest according to your father, that’s why you were so focused.

“Class dismissed” McGonagall stated and you carefully picked up your things. “Oi Diggory!” you heard a voice of a boy near you and the next thing you knew is that the boy beside you was thrown a crumpled parchment. “We don’t want your itty pretty face here! Shove off Hufflepuff” a boy laughed together with his friend. Your brows furrowed and remembered what your father taught you.

‘Never let someone step on you, but don’t use your blood as an excuse. Use your skills’

“Oi Goyle!” you mocked what he said and threw back the paper. “Next time, pick someone your own size.” you said, remembering that you were taught by your father to defend yourself at an early age. “And what size is that? Your size? You're smaller than Diggory! Both your princess and prince faces won’t defend yourselves” he replied, obviously pissed.

“Oh yeah?” You walked towards him, acting like an adult but deep down you were quivering. You only had your father as your partner in these types of situations, but here it is, you have to defend someone, like what your father expected you to do.

Kicking him in his groin was the only thing you did that made his ‘friend’ run. “I hope your little brother doesn’t turn out like you. It’s just the first day and you started picking on somebody. Pathetic” you grabbed your things and the little hand of Cedric Diggory and left the groaning Goyle.

“Why’d you do that?” the boy asked as you two walked, “I just felt the need to.” you answered without even looking at him. “Do you want some?” he suddenly stopped, and asked as he handed out a box of chocolate frog. “You mean it?” you were astonished. “Of course, you stood up for me there. I should thank you. Here” he reached for your hand, opened it, and placed the box. “I’m Cedric by the way, Cedric Diggory” he offered his hand, “Y/n-” you stacked the chocolate frog in your bag before you accepted his hand “Y/L/N”.

“Nice to meet you” you both said in unison.

“Here’s the spot” You stated and stood at the exact place where two first years shook hands in 1989. You looked around and suddenly a first year handed you a little paper, it was a note again, “thank you” you smiled sweetly to the girl and she giggled as she ran away.

“I had to buy cauldron cakes now, in exchange for that girl to give you this note. Anyway, I was really a gutless boy before huh? But thanks to you, you had all the guts, thanks for sharing by the way. Thank you for being at my side that time, and I know you will always be. Now go where I confessed, or more like, we confessed to each other ;)” -Cedric the lover boy

And again, another chuckle escaped your mouth. Without a doubt you walked fast towards the wooden bridge, a lot of students were there but you can’t find the person you wanted to see. “Ah there’s our pretty girl. Come on, Diggory wanted to give you this actually. Never opened it. Promise” George said and put his arm around your shoulder. “Cross our hearts” The twins said as they handed you a very very folded note. Of course you were suspicious of them, that's why you looked at them and squinted your eyes.

“We promise. We didn’t read it. Cedric told us not to, said it was very private. And you know how we respect your privacy.” Fred told you, they sounded sincere that made you believe them. You do agree, they respect your privacy so much.

“FRED AND GEORGE!” you heard Lee’s voice, and by the sound of it you knew, they pranked him. “Seriously? Lee?” you crossed your arms and asked them with disbelief. “We didn’t have any choices anymore!” they both said as they ran. Shaking your head, you opened the note.

“I know the twins won’t open this. I trust them. Remember when I confessed? I really thought it was one-sided. You always said we’re close friends, that you see me as a brother. I really thought about it, it made me stay awake all night. Until I realized I’ll take the risk to say I like you, very much.” -Cedric Diggory PS: head to our spot;)

You looked around as the winter breeze hit your face, blowing your hair, and making you shiver. It was this same time, winter, when exactly one year ago, Cedric confessed his feelings for you.

“Hey, sorry for waiting, got caught up in Potions” You said as you arrived at the wooden bridge where Cedric told you to meet him up. “What is it that you want to talk about?” You put down your bag next to his, both of you then stared at the view. The lake, the snow, the trees, and the chatter of people from afar.

“You’re amazing” he broke the silence, confusion wrapped your head. You looked at him and said “I know” and chuckled, looking back to the view again. “I can’t list down how wonderful of a person you are and you know I will always be here for you. Like what you did before.” Your smile slowly faded, your heart started racing, you felt your face heating up, you hoped, he might have felt what you were feeling. Maybe you don’t have to be scared of ruining the friendship you two built, maybe he likes yo- “As-as your friend of course” Cedric added, your heart dropped, hope disappeared in a snap, then you decided to shift your gaze to Cedric again. “Me too” you forced a smile as you look at his perfect face. That sharp jawline, slightly disheveled brown hair, his grey eyes that will make you forget your name. “Me too Ced” you said as you picked up your bag. “I’ve got to go. It will get dark soon” you said and turned your back to him, fighting your tears to drop, it can wait, you told yourself. It was your last straw, but turns out you’re just a friend.

Yeah, friends.

“Fuck it” you heard Cedric uttered under his breath, before you could take a step you were stopped when someone held your wrist. You inhaled first, trying not to pop, before you turned your face again.

“Do you still have something to say Ced? I told you it’s almost getting dark.” you looked at the sun on your side who’s now just peeking. The sky is a mix of colors, blue and orange, completely different but blended just right.

“I know you’re not doing well since your parents- and I don’t know. When you cried to me when you got the letter, I wanted to be by your side, all the time, day and night, I wanted to protect you from the pain. I want to be the one to comfort you. I want to be the person you will run to whenever you want comfort. I want to be your home. I want to kiss you goodnight, I want to say that I’m always here. When you showed me your fragile side, all I wanted to do was protect you, take care of you. I want you to-” Cedric stopped when he felt your lips meet his.

“I like you too” You said as you distanced your face to his. Your heart beating really fast, butterflies, your stomach was filled with butterflies.

He grabbed your waist and pulled you again for another kiss. “I like you, very very much” he said between your kisses.

You smiled as you remembered the first kiss you two shared, the sun and the moon was your audience. The wind blew again that made you shiver.

“Now to our spot” you said to yourself and started walking towards the Black Lake.

You arrived at the Black Lake and roamed your eyes towards your spot, when you saw the tree you then slowly walked towards it, cautious about the snow.

You started searching the surrounding, looking for another note when suddenly you felt a presence behind you. In a flash you turned your back and was greeted by a sweet smile of Cedric Diggory.

“Hello” He said and opened his arms, which you threw yourself right away.

“What’s this for Ced?” You asked him as he embraced you, heating both of your bodies from the cold breeze. His chin resting on the top of your head as you leaned on his chest. “It’s our anniversary today. Don’t tell me you forgot?” he asked, surprised. You laughed and turned around, cupped his face and planted a peck on his nose as you tiptoed. “Why would I?” you said and reached for your pocket.

“In fact I got you this” you said, handing him a bracelet, a bracelet you made when you were young, with your grandma. “My grandma loved making these types of things. One time she told me to make one and she’d teach me. That’s the one I made. I cherished it very much. Because she said that I should only give that to the person that I’d like to spend my lifetime with. She even put a spell on it. She’s great at divination. A spell that if the right person wears it, your initials will appear.” You told him while reminiscing.

“I know it’s not that much but-” Cedric cut you off, “It’s the thought that counts. Besides, it looks great. What do you mean?” He wrapped the bracelet on his wrist. Tension grew and grew as you two looked at the bracelet, waiting for the initial to appear on the space where it should be.

C.D.

You two saw it, you almost cried out of joy while Cedric started punching the air. “Guess you have to spend your lifetime with me now” He told you and winked. “Now for my gift.” he reaches out to his pocket and brings out a velvet box. He opened it and two rings greeted you. Butterfly matching rings.

“Here” he slid yours to your finger and you also slid his on his finger. “It’s cute” you said and looked at it, yours was a butterfly while Cedric has a space for a butterfly. “We both complete each other” Cedric said as the two of you tried to intertwine the rings. Your butterfly fits perfectly in the space provided for it. You two looked at each other with smiling eyes that your mouths can’t compare. You felt that you two were the only people there, the only people in this world. In this moment you never cared, you let go of your burdens and just smiled with your safe space. Your safe person, that you know will wait for you, accept you, and be there by your side, helping you.

You smacked the back of Fred’s head after he asked Angelina to the ball. “You don’t ask a girl like that.” you said and rolled your eyes, “Don’t do that George” you warned George who just nodded enthusiastically. “Oh I almost forgot, mum told us that you should send a letter to her about what dress you want. Like your preferences, she’ll buy them the same time as Ginny’s and ours too. And if you’re so worried about mum spending money on you even though you know she takes care of you like a daughter, you can slip a few galleons on the mail, she wouldn’t agree with it but for your peace of mind just please do it” Fred said as he ate. “Really? Thank Merlin” you replied as if it felt like one of your problems faded. “But did Cedric asked you?” George’s voice was muffled as his mouth was full, “Don’t talk when your mouth is full, and yes, he did, yesterday.” you said and couldn’t even hide your smile.

“She’s still in love isn’t she?” George asked Fred who just nodded. While you just scoffed thinking about how Cedric asked you to the ball after he gave you your matching rings. Butterflies again, over and over again.

#cedric diggory smut #cedric diggory x reader #cedric diggory series #cedric diggory fluff #cedric diggory #triwizard tournament #triwizard champions #triwizard cup #troubled #series

72 notes · View notes

lockdownuk · 4 years

Text

Lockdown Diary Part 3

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 61: Writing this in the afternoon on day 62. An exercise driven day. Two walks and stair climb as usual plus I popped round Jeff’s early evening. First time I’ve been to his house, 1 Garden Row, Elmington. It’s further than I thought so, with walking there an back, I managed a daily total of 14km. It was good to see him and have a social (but social-distanced) beer. When I got home, @9:45pm, I made thai green chicken curry, watch The Report (a great, if worrying film) and then TikTok-ed until gone 5am!

Day 62: Typing this on day 64! Beer round Karen’s. Missed Sam’s quiz.

Day 63: Typing this on day 64! Beer round Karen’s. Again! Well, it is bank holiday Monday! Had dirty pizza for tea and watched The Heat. Again! It is the most piss funny film.

Day 64: Well, I have been feeling guilty about treatung the bank holiday w/e l;ike a bank holiday w/e. It’s dawned on me that that guilt is way too self-disiciplned. I got up about midday, usual two walks and stair climb but that’s it. I need to clean the house from top to bottom, get on top of my online courses, get the garden done, get the car fixed, go shopping…fucking hell - if only I had the time…

Day 65: Today I swapped Amazon prime free trial for about the 5th time in my life. Same card and address - will they get wind of my skullduggery. This is all so I can finish watching Hunters and catch Homecoming S2. I went shopping at Asda near Raunds. I wish I hadn’t, it’s no good for a comprehensive shop. Received an email from RCI inviting me to a Zoom meeting with Pal Mulcahy for a business update. I fear the worst. And it’s at 10:00am, FFS!

Day 66: Logged in an attended zoom forum with Paul Mulcahy and over 250 RCI staff this morning. The message was that there is going to be redundancies. I expected this and expected to fall victim. All staff that are going to be put through cionsultation would be contacted today. I however wasn’t! Very, very surpised. meanwhile, Nick Reilly asked to connect via LinkedIn (including become a LinkedIn staff team member - that’s new to me so I’ll see what it is but I accepted the invitation) Later, I WhatsApp-ed him and asked who has been affected from IT. All he could tell me was no one on Jon Rodger’s team is under threat. Also, Mark C emailed - I’ll respond tomorrow. I got up at 09:00ish and had my mornming walk before the 10:00am meeting. I am now, at 09:30pm, fucking knackered. Dinner and then bed, methinks but not before one more episdoe of Hunters!

Day 67: Typing on Day 68. Got pretty drunk last night. I’ve got blisters from walking (new boots) so I don’t think I’ll walk tomorrow (well, today!).

Day 68: I did fuck all today. Got up after 1pm, no walking. I did manage to clean the bathroom (and smash my little mirror) and do my 26 stair climb. I am typing at 9pm and I feel whacked!

Day 69: I have an abscess. It’s not too painful (today) but I am going to call the dentist tomorrow (Monday). I think antibiotics are in order. I watched a film, which I actually started yesterday, called The Voices starring Ryan Reynolds, Gemma Arteton and Anna Kendrick. Fuuuuuuuuuuuucking weird. The closing credits are the most bizarre, in context, I’ve ever seen. But, in general, a very good film. Back to normal exercise regime today plus hovered the hall and stairs. Get me. It’ll be interetingh to see my Google Fit figures for May tomorrow.

Day 70: Contacted the dentist who advised salt water rinsing and ibuprofen. But, tbf, it’s a lot better today and the swelling has gone right down. The dentist I called was the Oundle House (Rodericks) one. I was not hopeful since last time I saw them they referred me to their Northampton clinic for root canal work which was quoted at over £600. However, the dentist was very nice, had my x-ray to hand from that last visit and seemed more interested in making sure I’m OK than gaining a paying customer. He still wants to see me when possible though! I must mention the weather. It has been glorious weather nearly every day throughout May (it’s June 1st today). Seriously sunny and like a holiday every day. The news mentioned it today - the level of sunshine throughout the transition from spring to summer is unprecedented, apparently. My T shirt tan is, quite frankly, ridiculous!

Day 71: Today’s ‘must mention’ is what’s going on in the US and it’s not particularly related to Trump. There was a black man killed while under arrest. George Floyd died Monday 25th May (8 days ago) A policeman, who knelt on his neck for minutes while he complained of not being able to breathe, has been charged with murder. Now there are riots and curfews and military intervention all over the country. It’s similar to the English riots of 2011. It’s worrying, sad, scary and not what the fight against the pandemic needs. Most of all, it’s racism rearing its ugly head yet again. I’ve had a normal-ish day. received an email from Jim checking in, talked to a recruiter about a promising job lead (although the hours are 8-5 which I am not happy about), talked to Barry across the road and sent Barzzy a WhatsApp. And I logged in Shaw Academy and started lesson one of module 2 of web Design. It’s been a while, so long overdue, but I only did about 15 minutes. Must try harder / do better! As I type, late (10:10pm) I have dinner cooking and a strange pain in my left side and am in the middle of No Country for Old Men. Don’t think I’ve seen it since the cinema (13 years!)

Day 72: As soon as (well, within a couple of days) I mention the weather, it turns. It’s rained a little and is a lot cooler (15° rather than mid-20s). Much better for walking, I have to say. I finished Hunters today (Amazon Prime series). While I enjoyed it, it got too surreal at the end. It is loosely based on the real story of Nazi hunters in the US in 1977 but the straying from loosely based to down-right ridiculous fiction annoyed me. If it goes to S2, I will watch it, however. Received some of my rental deposit back today (the law changed so that only 5 weeks rent can be demanded as deposit). Over £600. Nice.

Day 73: I made a short video for Marc and Clare’s 26th wedding anniversary. I ‘dressed up’ for it. I enjoyed doing it and I think it was appreciated.

Day 74: Typing on Day 75 for no other reason than I couldn’t be bothered on day 74! I received a letter either today or the day before (well, yesterday or the previous day!) from Mr Minos at the eye clinic informing me that, while there is some stuff going on in both eyes (garnered from the photo scans done at the last hospital appointment), he wants to see me in three months. Always a refief when that happens. Been getting into two series on Amazon: Alex Rider and Modern Love. One is a male Hanna, the other is soppy affairs of the heart based on real life stories (from essays written in the NY Times). Both enjoyable for totally different reasons.

Day 75: Lazyish day. Well, not really, just that I only went for one walk, alebit 6km andI got pissed on. Wehn the rain hit, it was also fucking freezing! Some of the clouds were stunning today, made for great photos. As I type, it’s 21:12, I’m listening the wonderful Phoebe Bridgiers. Now, I’m gonna make some tea and sup a few ales, I reckon.

Day 76: Done lots of walking today (over 13,000 steps) I made sausage casserole with too much chilli (scotch bonnet and birdeye). I had an online (fb) debate with Sam over whether the George Floyd murder was a racial.

Day 77: Received a new (used) wing mirror for the car. £18 with delivery, I reckon that’s a bargain. I cashed in £20 from Prolific as well, so I’m satisfied at the financial full-circle. Dropped the car off at Barnwell (Nene Valley Body Shop) and walked back - 7km. Just about to dive into tea - finishing the blazing hot sausage casserole from yesterday. Then I’m going to do some more Rubik’s cube practice with my recently acquired GoCube.

Day 78: Lots of daily walking, 26 stair climb, press-up and late nights watching TikTok (gone 3am this morning) are making for a constantly knackered Tim Stubbs. Today I made veg soup and cooked up some meatballs. Both are delish. How did I ever to learn how to conjure up such stuff? The Rubik’s cube learning is coming along except that I need good daylight to distinguish between the yellow and white faces on the flipping thing!

Day 79: Listening to Radio 6 most the day and the news is making for dire listening. Forecast of severe recession, especially if there is a second peak of the virus, which I think there will be. Plus, an offshoot of the George Floyd murder and the #BlackLivesMatter movement, institutions and town councils are being lobbied by campaigners to remove statues of anyone associated with things like slavery (one was toppled in Bristol at the w/e) and rename buildings etc. that were named after historical characters with any links to something that now is deemed wrong or offensive. I agree with it but it’s not pleasant to hear amongst other bleak news. Walked to Barnwell to collect my car - front trim reseated and new wing mirror fitted, £20 - bargain (I source the replacement wing mirror). But, also, forked out £165 on car tax! Cleaned the lounge from top to bottom. Knackering!

Day 80: Chatted with Dad and Rita - he’s pissed off with the slavery backlash but otherwise they are both OK. I saw Baz in the Tesco queue where I mentioned my disgust at the Thursday market being allowed (I found I could not maintain 2m at all times just walking to Tesco’s!) and that I really don’t want to catch Covid19 as I will probably die. Maybe a bit dramatic but he messaged me later today to say he’d been thinking on what I said and offered to shop for me. I replied that I am OK to shop but am scared at how people are taking things so much less seriously than when lockdown started yet the virus is still out there just as it was then! I am very touched at his massage. I thoroughly cleaned the bedroom and changed the bedclothes today. House work really knackers me out!

Day 81: Spare room cleaned today. Not much else to type about. It’s Friday, I making curried mince and I don’t feel like a beer. How I’ve changed!

Day 82: I did have beers last night. Ended up going to bed with daylight and dawn chorus for company. Today, when I woke, gone 1pm, I have been greeted by what can only be described as thoroughly depressing news from every quarter. This includes violence in the capital, further virus outbreak in Beijing. Fog’s political posts on FB make for depressing (but vaild) reading. I’m feeling thoroughly fed up today. Not even music can lift my mood…

…but, I am currently listening to Craig Charles on BBCR6 and, I have to say, he’s putting in quite an exceptional effort - there may be hope that my mood might lift, even at gone 8pm! I might have a beer or two and grab something postivity and enjoyment from the day after all.

Day 83: Another late one last night but up before noon today. Started watching something called Condor on Sky One. It’s OK - there’s stuff I wanna waytch on Amazon Prime but, more often than not, it keeps telling me there’s ‘a problem’ when I try to play anything. Pissing me off. I just checked and I have two weeks of the initial 12 of furlough to go. I shall started asking the questions about what might happen on the Connections website.

Day 84: Typing this on Day 85. On the way back from dropping off some shoes for Sean Davies at his brother’s (martin) I met Karen and she said why not pop round for a beer so I did. Certainly not used to a drink on a Monday so that, and the genral upheaval to my evening, while good fun and a nice change, put pay to my usual diary entry! I sorted Amazon Prime out by leaving the TV turned off for over an hour. Day 85: Tim did the garden today and it looks great. The pipes in the bathroom have been knocking loudly, on and off, for a couple of weeks now. Last night, they were so loud that today I took it upon myself to resolve it or ring Woodfords. So, having turned off the water, run the taps dry to get rid of any trapped air and then turned the water back on slowly, I discoved it’s the cistern and its pipes. Woodfords are arranging Corvee to visit. Meanwhile, leaving the water turned off at least stops the noise which is, otherwise, costant and unbearable! I emailed HR a couple of days ago about what’s happening in a couple of weeks time in terms of furlough when the 12 weeks will be up. Sue Cockimngs got back to me attaching an email Deryn sent on 15th May which I never received. Basically, they’ll extend furlough if need be and an update should be forthcoming late May/early June. Well, that time has passed, so who knows what is going to happen. The furlough scheme (CJRS) has been changed by the govenment, I’ve read, and it looks like any new people would have to have been furloughed by June 10th (it’s the 16th today) so no furlough rotation, which is annoying. The CJRS ends 1st October with employer contributions required from 1st August - that’s D-Day as far as I am concerned….so job hunting will have to step up a notch! Day 86: Pete’s birthday and he bought himself the same speaker as me. When I asked if it lived up to his expectations he mentioned it’s better through WiFi than Bluetooth. That confused me as I haven’t got WiFi available on mine…..long story short, I bought the wrong fucking speaker. I got a AudioPro AddOn T10 instead of C10. To say I am fucked off is an understatement. To think I was so pleased at the cheap price I paid. Now I feel like I have wasted €200. Bollocks.

Day 87: Finished Alex Rider last night. Another series that started off so well and ended a litte weak but, overall, not bad. I’ve started keeping strange meal times…lunch very late (4pm) and dinner really late (11pm). I need to sort it ‘cos it’s playing havoc with my sugar levels. I had a huge hypo while having my second walk today, second day on the trot that’s happened. My late dinner was Chinese chicked curry with a quarter of a scotch bonnet and two birdeye chillies. Delish.

Day 88: I have managed to be bitten yesterday or the day before on one of my walks. There are strange, itchy lumps on my right inner forearm. And I do mean itchy. I trimmed my sideburns today, I was very pissed off with them. My hair looks just a little less shit. I did a shop at Tesco in Corby today. Mainly booze as follows: 20 cans Sam Miguel £18 18 cans Stella £15 20 bottles Bud £10 8 cans Tyskie £9 3 lrg bottles Warsteiner £5 £57 Bargain.

Day 89: Lazy day. One short walk and usual stair climb. Howard and Sue popped round to give me a pressie - bottle of Monkey Shoulder. I’m building up quite a collection of whisky!

Day 90: Dad called and we chatted for an hour or so. I had to apologise for not sending a father’s day card! Dan messaged me and offered to pay for a pizza delivery which I declined.

Football has started again this past week…Prem and Championship only. L1 and L2 season was cut short and Posh missed out on the play-offs by one place. As I type, Everton v Liverpool is on Sky Sports on a Sunday evening - it’s very strange with no crowd. There’s crowd noise being played thorugh the tannoy.

#Diary #Tumblr diary #lockdown #covid19 #lockdownuk

1 note · View note

sage-selfships · 5 years

Text

Sage H. D. - Bully Self-Insert

This is my Self-Insert for Bully/Canis Canem Edit! I made the art myself and would appreciate if you didn’t use it! The Template was created by Silkvale and found here! I will post updated versions to @kitty-selfshipping so uhm yeah, follow that blog to read it when it’s totally finished or edited.

If you are interested in reading the current info about my Bully Self-Insert, please read under the cut!

Biographical Information Full Name [& Pronunciation] - Sage Holland Drage ( S AI J ) ( H AW - l uh n d ) ( d r ai j ) Meaning - Herb or Prophet, Ridgeland, Dragon Set Age - 14-15 Certified Birthdate - 12 January 1992 (not my real birth year, but shh) Astrological Sign - Capricorn Pronouns - They/them or He/Him Aliases & Preferred Nicknames – Dumbbell - Sage might not actually like the nickname, but Mandy WIles insist on calling Sage it whenever Mandy sees Sage, so Sage is Dragon - As some people may not be able to pronounce Sage’s surname, Sage just call themselves Dragon to make it easier for everyone. Ms. Shy - Even though Sage prefers to go by he/him or they/them pronouns, people insist on calling them ms, and many people consider them shy because of how they seem terrified of new people Puppy - A nickname Sage got from Kirby Olsen, that they claim matches their general personality Ethnicities Distant Descendants : American, British, Dominant Descendants : Norwegian, Swedish, Danish Physical Description Hair Color - Brown Eye Color - Blue Weight – Height - Typical Clothing Wear : Maroon or pink vest, purple skirt, blue bow, purple bow, pink shoes - School uniform Red stained dress and blonde wig - Halloween costume, that is supposed to resemble Carrie White from the movie Carrie Faux fur coat, faux fur ushanka - Winter attire Figure/Build - Distinguishing Features/Scars/ or Birthmarks – A mole just over their lip Explain: Tattoos: Piercings: Frequently Worn Jewelry: Choker belt around their neck Personal Information Current Living Arrangements - Sage currently lives with three of their American relatives, but also they technically live at Bullworth, in the girl’s dorm Originated from - Vestfold, Norway Traveled Territories - Hobbies - Fears – Spiders, snakes, insects, heights, scarecrows, most of the jocks Religion/Beliefs – Atheist Why?: Sage grew up in an atheist family, as simple as that. Health Behaviors Physical Ailments/ Disabilities/ Issues – Addiction(s) [Sex, Drugs, Smoking, Alcohol, Other] Why?: Any regular medication taken? – Medication for their Iron Deficiency and for their Hives Chronological Information Profession - Student Likes - Dislikes - Goals/Ambitions – Most Instructive/Painful/Memorable Experience - Story behind experience: Weapons/Equipment - Sage mostly fights using their hands but can use a baseball if they need to Personal Attributes Personality - Strengths - Weaknesses - Good Habits - Bad Habits - Fetishes/Strange Behaviors - Stereotype - Shy kid with few friends As you know them better(and you like them) : As you know them better(and you hate them) : Ratings on Personal Qualities (don't go overboard make reasonable stats for your character) Physical Strength : 4/10 Sage might not regularly train, but surprisingly Sage is stronger than they seem Attractive : 5/10 Sage doesn’t consider themselves the most beautiful and mostly blames it upon their parents and grandparents for how they look Honesty : 7/10 Sage hates lying in general, but still does lie if they need to. Rule Abiding : 3/10 Sage thinks certain rules are to be broken and others are to be broken. Sociability : 3/10 Sage is quite shy when it comes to meeting new people, but if they muster up enough confidence they can make new friends. Bullworth Academy Information Reason for enrolling: Sage has lacked disiplince and Sage’s parents had relatives that lived close Bullworth, so they decided on sending them to a Clique - Standing and Rank in Social Circle - Room Number – 4 Roommate(s)- Zoe Taylor & Beatrice Trudeau Favourite Subject(s) – English, & Art Why?: Sage loves English because they’ve felt so motivated and Least Favorite Subject(s) – Why?: Favourite Teacher – Mr. Galloway & Mrs. Philips Why?: Mr. Galloway - Sage takes a liking to Mr. Galloway, mostly because he encouraged and gave Sage a warm welcome to the school, during Sage’s first day at Bullworth Mrs. Philips - Sage got a few compliments Least Favorite Teacher – Mr. Slawter Why?: Sage is quite afraid of Mr. Slawter, mostly because he yelled at Sage during their first class Knowledgeability Language(s) – Norwegian, English Schooling Level - Grade 8-9, Expertise – Chemistry - Math - English - Geography - Sage knows a few things, like where certain European countries are, but after that, nothing more Politics/Law - Economy - Cooking/Culinary - Shop - Botany/Biology - Mythology - high / Sage knows a lot about Norrøn Mythology and enjoys learning more and more about it Art - high / Sage highly enjoys Art and feels that they know a lot about the rules about realism and perspective Photography - Sage knows how to use a camera, and what settings look good or not, so they consider themselves at a 5/10 Reading Level - Overall Intelligence Level(s) - Interpersonal and Naturalistic. Relationships Statuses (once you list characters here, delete them from the other list near the end of this information sheet, makes things less confusing) (Also, please describe the relationships of your character with other characters) Trusted Companions Closest Friend(s) – Milliz - “I trust her with my life. Nothing more or less to say. And might I add that her and Earnest are really freakiNG ADOREABLE?” (Jeg beklager ikke for at du er satt på denne lista, Milliz) Friend(s) - Kirby Olsen - Despite Kirby being a jock and Sage being afraid of most of the jocks, Kirby and Sage are pretty close and

Hated Rivals Worst Enemies – Intolerable Students - Harmless Acquaintances Tolerated Students - Tolerated Townsfolk - Hot Encounters Hinted Attractions - Crush(es) - Lover(s) - Gary Smith, Jimmy Hopkins and Petey (Ey, don’t judge me please or make comments about this please, I just ship myself with all of them :( I will also make like another post or tweet where I just describe everything from lore to headcanons about this ) Ex(s) - None Extra Information Eating Habits Omnivore/Carnivore/Herbivore – Favorite Food(s): Favorite Drink(s): Disliked Food(s): Disliked Drink(s): Added Information Proclaimed Theme Song(s) - Either Dancing Queen by ABBA or Scent – Favourite Color: Favourite Season: Favourite Animal: Sage Favourite Music Genre: Sage can’t really choose, but they are very fond of country and Pop Most Memorable Quote – Various Quotes Through Interaction : “ Walking around – “I sure hope Mandy was joking when he called me a dumbbell...” “I don’t know jack dritt about math, how am I supposed to get a good grade?” “Gary mentioned something about rats, wondered what he was on about.” “I’m considering joining a clique... but which one?” “ “ “ “ When the fire alarm goes off – “Stuff like this always happens when you least expect it.” “Sure hope this isn’t a drill, I don’t want my slippers to get wet again without reason.” Greetings Good Terms: “Hiya!” “Hey there, best friend!” “How ya doing, sweetie?” “How are you doing, buddy?” “Hey, anyhting fun happen recently?” “Bro! What’s up?” “Heisann!” (Norwegian for ‘Hey there’) Bad Terms: “Please leave me alone” “I rather not talk.” “Ew.” “Get out of my face!” “Leave me alone!” “Continue being around me and I’ll beat you up! Or cry!” Saying goodbye – Good Terms: “Have a good day! “See you later!” “Hope you have a good night!” Bad Terms: “”See you in Hell, I uhm mean class.” “Leave already.” “I’m getting a headache, gotta go.” “Byyeee, see you never.” When Flirted With – Good Terms: “I uhm...” “Thank you....” “Well I uhm, thank you so much! I uhm haha, we should hang out or something!” “I feel flattered. I’ll uhh have to go over there until the blushing stops.” “Continue acting this sweet and you’re going to be getting ladies really quickly.” “ “You’re such a sweetheart!” “If I were of age, I would marry you right here on the spot, but I’m still too young.” Bad Terms: “I wouldn’t say I don’t like you, but I’m not that interested.” “Not to be rude, but no.” “That better not be trying to make me blush, because it didn’t work at all.” “ “

Watching a fight – “I know I shouldn’t watch this crap, but damn it feels so right, right now!” “ Attacking – “I’m sorry!” “I have no choice in this situation, so I apologize beforehand!” “I learnt this one from my friend!” While Fighting – “I really wish it didn’t have to end with one of us being hurt!” “Ouch! Thanks, I guess!”

Chasing someone – “You can run, but you can also hide!” “Come back here! please...!” Out of breath – “This always happens....” “Why do I have to have iron deficiency? When hidden from – “ Knocked out – “ Stinkbomb explodes – “I can’t see shit!” “I should be happy I can’t smell anything from before!” Opinions on students who reside at Bullworth Academy– (in alphabetical order) Bullies Davis White: Ethan Robinson: Russell Northrop: Tom Gurney: Trent Northwick: Troy Miller: Wade Martin: Zoe Taylor: Greasers Hal Esposito: Johnny Vincent: Lefty Mancini: Lola Lombardi: Lucky De Luca: Norton Williams: Peanut Romano: Ricky Pucino: Vance Medici: Jocks Bo Jackson: Casey Harris: Damon West: Dan Wilson: Juri Karamazov: Luis Luna: Mandy Wiles: Ted Thompson: Nerds Algernon Papadopoulos: Beatrice Trudeau: Bucky Pasteur: Cornelius Johnson: Donald Anderson: Earnest Jones: Fatty Johnson: Melvin O'Connor: Thad Carlson: Non-Cliques Angie Ng: Christy Martin: Constantinos Brakus: Eunice Pound: Gloria Jackson: Gordon Wakefield: Ivan Alexander: Karen Johnson: Lance Jackson: Melody Adams: Pedro De La Hoya: Ray Hughes: Sheldon Thompson: Trevor Moore: Preppies Bif Taylor: Bryce Montrose: Chad Morris: Derby Harrington: Gord Vendome: Justin Vandervelde: Parker Ogilvie: Pinky Gauthier: Tad Spencer: Opinion on Adults who teach and patrol at Bullworth Academy – (in alphabetical order) Miss Danvers: Miss Peters: Mr. Galloway: Mr. Luntz: Mr. Matthews: Mr. Wiggins: Mrs. Carvin: Mrs. MacRae: Mrs Peabody: Ms. Phillips: Neil: Prefects – Edward Seymour II: Karl Branting: Max MacTavish: Seth Kolbe: Opinions on People in the cities of Bullworth – (in alphabetical order) Townies Clint(aka Henry): Sage doesn’t like saying it, but they’re quite afraid of him and Duncan: Edgar Munsen: Gurney: Jerry: Leon: Omar Romero: Otto Tyler: Residents in the city of Bullworth – Bethany Jones: Denny: Dr. Bambillo: Krakauer: Mihailovich: Miss Abby: Mr. Brekindale: Mr. Buckingham: Mr. Castillo: Mr. Doolin: Mr. Huntingdon: Mr. Johnson: Mr. Martin: Mr. Ramirez: Mr. Salvatore: Mr. Smith: Mr. Sullivan: Ms. Rushinski Mrs. Lisburn: Osborne:

#Not finished but do I care? not really #I will try and finish this soon just not today #anyways I might have mnetioned another self-shipper in the post so look for that if you want #Self Insert #Sage Drage #Bully Self-Insert #Bully OC

9 notes · View notes

thesffcorner · 5 years

Text

Glass

Glass is written and directed by M Night Shyamalan. It’s the third film in a series that started 19 years ago with Unbreakable and takes place 3 weeks after the events of Split. It follows David Dunn (Bruce Willis), who after the death of his wife, has become a vigilante, dubbed the Overseer by the public. He has been trying to find the Beast (James McAvoy), who has in the intervening time kidnapped 2 more sets of girls. However, during their confrontation they get ambushed by the police and admitted into a sanatorium, under the eye of Dr Staple (Sarah Paulson), a psychiatrist who has three days to ‘cure’ both of them from their delusion that they are superheroes.

I really enjoyed this film. It still suffers from some pacing and dialogues issues, as do most of Shyamalan’s films, but a lot of the problems I had with Split, are fixed here. It’s a clever examination of our culture’s perception of superheroes and extraordinary humans, and I think it’s a fitting conclusion to David, Kevin and Elijah’s story-lines.

I think the best way to talk about this film, would be to go over the characters, because much like Fantastic Beasts, the positives and negatives are tied to the various character story-lines. So, in descending order let’s start with the positives.

Kevin Wendell Crumb:

Kevin’s character, I feel has both the strongest arc, and gets most of the screen times, so it’s only fitting we start with him. In the intervening time between Split and Glass, the Horde, we find out has kidnapped two more sets of girls, a group of cheerleaders being the last one. All of the personalities we saw in Split make a comeback, and while I still maintain that Hedwig is the MVP, and best character, I was surprised at how much I both liked and looked forward to seeing Dennis, Patricia and Kevin himself.

I really do have to comment MacAvoy; he is genuinely the reason this character works at all. He has such a good grasp on all these different characters, that me and my friends just had fun guessing which personality had the light in different scenes, and we all guessed first try, often without even McAvoy having any dialogue. He is so good at creating different mannerisms and body language for each character, and they are all (especially the main 5) are recognizable and distinguished from each other.

I was also happy to see a ton of the other personalities. I didn’t count, but I wouldn’t be surprised if we did see all 24 of them; there are two scenes where the asylum uses hypnotic lights to cycle between the different characters in Kevin’s body, and we get a taste of most if not all of them. None of the other personalities get any real weight to the story, but I did like the subtle hints that the Horde was disintegrating, with some people joining Patricia and Dennis, and some maintaining to fight against them.

Speaking of Dennis, I was SHOCKED that I actually liked him in this film. I think the smaller role actually helped establish what was meant to be his conflict in Split, which was his desire to protect Kevin, and Patricia’s indoctrination that only the Beast can truly do that, with his hesitance to kill any of the girls. He is faced with Casey, and her being amicable and caring about Kevin are what really push him over the edge into realizing the Beast is wrong, and I really liked that.

Patricia was the weakest of the mains in Split, but here she gets some interesting scenes with Elijah. She is the Beast's priestess and first disciple, but even her faith and commitment waver in the face of someone like David Dunn who is capable of all the things the Beast is, and maybe even stronger. She was the one that was the most susceptible to Dr. Staple’s ‘therapy’ because she’s the most committed to the idea that the Beast is superhuman; if he isn’t and he is just a mad monster, than Patricia has to come to terms with the fact that all the people she killed for him were innocent and for nothing.

Hedwig doesn’t really get an arc, but he is still the most entertaining and funniest character. He gets several scenes to shine with Elijah and David, but the stand out was definitely his ‘relationship’ with Casey, which brought some much needed levity to this otherwise bleak film.

Kevin, who didn’t get much time to shine in Split, gets a bigger role here. I thought the idea of him more or less imprinting on Casey because she was the one to show him kindness and their shared trauma was fine as a character turn. What I didn’t really like or understand were the weird romantic undertones between them, and also Casey's speech to him about what happened to her uncle after the Beast let her go, should have made no sense to Kevin, since he didn’t know about her scars; it felt like it was directed at the audience, as Shyamalan realized Casey didn’t get any conclusion in the last film.

As for the Beast, I really liked the way Elijah essentially manipulates him to fall perfectly in his plan, and I think the film does a decent job at presenting the duality of him being at once, there to protect Kevin from the world, and at the same time a destructive and evil force in the world.

Elijah Pierce:

Speaking of Elijah, he was by far my favorite character in the film. Samuel L Jackson is great in any role, but here he brings a real joy to this character that’s at the same time appalling, and sympathetic and pitiable. He makes terrible decisions, hurts people and has no concern for anyone other than as to how they fit in his grand scheme, and yet you can’t help but root for him. He’s incredibly clever, and his medical condition makes it near impossible for me to hate him, mostly because there are plenty of characters who treat him poorly in the film.

This entire plot hinges on his plan, and while I won’t spoil it, I will say that I DID NOT see either of the twists coming, and I was pleasantly surprised with the direction the film took. Jackson got some great interactions with both Willis and McAvoy, and I really liked that he not once is tempted to believe that what Dr Staple tells him is true; that’s why she decides to perform the ‘procedure’ on him immediately. I also really liked the scenes he gets with his mother, especially at the end; I thought that was a very touching moment, and humanized a rather monstrous character.

David Dunn:

David was the only character I feel like was rather wasted in this film. He has a lot of screen time especially at the start of the film, while he’s still trying to find the Beast, and I really liked the Batman/Oracle dynamic he has with his son Joseph throughout the film. Unfortunately, once the characters are in the asylum, he sort of gets lost in the shuffle, and doesn’t really have a proper arc like Kevin or Elijah. He basically goes through the same arc he had in Unbreakable, except less well executed, and faster.

and he’s the one that really puts a wrench in the ‘therapy’ Dr Staple has, which is hard to explain without talking about Dr. Staple.

Dr. Ellie Staple:

Dr Staple specialized in people who have delusions that they are superhumans, so she spends most of the film trying to convince the three, especially Kevin and David, that they don’t. Except this isn’t really convincing as a potential twist, because we KNOW that David and the Beast are capable of doing superhuman things. With David, he’s never been sick, he’s never broken a bone, he survived a train crash that killed everyone else, he can lift more than weightlifters in their prime, he can sustain heavy blows and injuries in his body, and he looks amazing for someone who at that point is probably around 60. Even the explanation of his visions felt too contrived; the movie doesn’t make an effort to disguise the way he figures out Hedwig is the Beast by showing us the ‘clues’ that he supposedly picked up on to make that judgement; it’s very clearly some form of superpower, and I don’t see how anyone in the audience would believe even for a second that David isn’t superhuman.

The same goes for the Beast; I don’t care how good at parkour and rock climbing you are, you can NOT walk on ceilings, stick to flat surfaces or throw metal tables like they weigh nothing as a human, you just simple can not. Getting shot at point blank even via a malfunctioning shotgun would KILL YOU. This whole section felt like wasted time, because I as an audience member at no point believed any of it was true, and really disliked that out of all people the one that it worked best on was David.

There is much more I can say about Staple, but I won’t because of spoilers. The one thing I will say, is that it makes sense that she would try to dissuade the trio from believing they are gifted first, and I understand why that part was in the film, I just feel like maybe it would have worked better, if we didn’t already have two previous films where we establish their powers already.

The other thing was that she was just a horrible psychiatrist. Letting Casey talk to Kevin, but not letting Joseph see his dad, claiming that David attacked one of the cheerleaders when there are witnesses that he didn’t, using water to subdue David in what is essentially torture, while at the same time telling him his fear of drowning and isn’t actually his kryptonite because he’s a regular man… look it makes sense at the end, but without that twist, you begin wondering WHO RUNS THIS SHOW? How is this legal?

Casey, Mrs. Pierce and Joseph:

Joseph was the one who had the least amount of screen-time and least to do. I liked his role as a tech wizard, Oracle-style figure to David, and I enjoyed the scene where he writes a speech to convince Dr Staple that his dad is just a senile old man who was at the wrong place at the wrong time, but other than that he doesn’t have much to do.

I liked Mrs. Pierce the most, because I really like her relationship with Elijah. I appreciate that she acknowledges that he is not a good man, and has done horrible things, while also loving and caring about him deeply, and being proud of his intelligence and strength. She was a really good character.

Casey I liked better here, because she was a little more proactive, but I still don’t really understand why she cared about Kevin to the extent that she does. First, he did hold her hostage and try to eat her, ate two of her classmates, and then ‘let her go’ in the sense that he left her locked in a cage at the zoo. Why was she so touched by that so much that she was willing to get involved with him again? I don’t think the film really does a good job at distinguishing between her relationship to the Beast vs Kevin (I’d even throw in Dennis in there, since their interactions are also creepy), and even if we say that her attachment is purely to Kevin, the film doesn’t really explain why she would want to do anything to do with him!

Some Miscellaneous Thoughts:

I did like the breakdown of the superhero genre, and the play with tropes and conventions like the Villain Team Up, the Former Villain Joins Forces With the Hero To Defeat a Bigger Threat, the Twist in the Third Act, Secret Plan All Along, etc. I liked how the secondary characters filled out a roles in each of the heroes’ lives like the Sidekick, the Emotional core, the Mentor. I even liked the self sacrifice to bring light to truth aspect of the story.

However, I think that there were definitely things that needed improvement. Like I said, the middle part does drag, and the ‘therapy’ angle didn’t really work and felt like a waste of time until we get to the climax. I also thought that the idea of superhero books being a fictionalized history lesson on real things was interesting, but the way the movie presents it, it’s both not a convincing case and not very interesting, because it does sound crazy. The other thing that tied into this was the idea that Staple’s therapy and similar measures have worked so well for centuries, until specifically Elijah came along; that seemed a little unreasonable as well.

Conclusion:

I liked this film. If you like Shyamalan, slow, character driven explorations of the superhero genre and or any of the actors, go see it. If you don’t, then skip this film; don’t go into it thinking you’ll get Watchmen, because you won’t; the closest would be season 1 of Heroes.

#glass #glass review #film review #moni talks

3 notes · View notes

moonxcherie · 4 years

Text

Plastic Deserts

The other day, someone posted a screen grab from tumblr about John Green to reddit. In it, the captured poster lays out how John Green must be a pedophile because of the books he writes.

The picture included a pithy rebuke from the author himself. He even quoted statistics. Wow, what an absolute God. Quelle redditors jerking themselves off in such amazing synchronization, the resonance broke any bridge unlucky enough to be within a mile of an internet connection.

I think I liked John Green when I was in high school—back when he was new and YouTube had four videos. I read An Abundance of Katherines and I’m pretty sure I felt “changed” by it. It was during a streak of downed internet and power lines following a hurricane. I feel like this is important to mention, only because the previous hurricane is when I felt similarly affected by Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight. I’d like to say there’s a scientific explanation involved here, considering the obvious cyclones, but truly, I was just a teenager.

These days, I now understand why I felt so close, so connected to these books—because they read like the fanfiction I had been writing for years.

I wasn’t a good writer. I can say, without any grimacing, that Stephanie Meyer and John Green are writers whose prose is many magnitudes of quality higher than my own. Sure, I sent text messages that ended with punctuation at a time when T9 was the standard and (physical!) keyboards on phones was still something that seemed straight out of an underground film about the future... but I still can’t spell the word “inconvenience” correctly, even 15 years and a college degree later. Special shoutout to Apple for autocorrecting that for me just now.

But it wasn’t the grammar or structure that I’m comparing. It’s the main ideas.

As changed as I felt at the time about An Abundance of Katherines, I can’t remember anything about that book today. Well, no, I do remember there was a boy and a girl and U N I Q U E L O V E. I remember that I felt sophisticated for enjoying it, because my friend—whom I’ve also since figured out as an adult never actually was—recommended it. It was her copy. This was a BIG DEAL because to a girl like her, books were precious. Because unlike the rest of us, she wasn’t like other girls.

She was basically the love interest of any given John Green novel.

...except unlike all the actresses that have been cast for screen adaptations of those novels, she wasn’t breathtaking. She was average. Like most human people.

Which is exactly my problem with John Green’s novels... and John Green himself.

I was reminded of how his book made me felt when I happened to watch the first episode of Looking for Alaska. The protagonist is a nerd. An average looking (the actor is gorgeous, they just gave him ill fitting clothes and a bad haircut, like most nerds in film and on television) who is immediately consumed by the quirky girl he meets five minutes into the fucking story.

Also, by “meets,” what I really mean is, he touches her tit.

From what I understand, and what I can recall when I read his books as a young girl, this is supposed to illustrate how quirky she is. How unlike other girls she is. I think we’re even supposed to revere her sense of self-agency and comfort in her own body—after all, in the scene, he doesn’t reach for her. Instead, she grabs his hand and forcefully places it on her tit, using him as a stage prop. What a fucking Ruth BG.

Except, this isn’t a girl expressing her own free will, she is a character, written by a man. Not that men are the only ones capable of writing women so shitty, I already mentioned Twilight, so put away your dicks and pitchforks. In this example, however, it is worse for having been written by a man.

It has effectively reduced both characters to caricatures. The girl is an object to be lusted, and the boy is an object that lusts. Neither has any deeper purpose, regardless of any future plot points, because that is how they have been introduced. Drop the quirky writing, the well lit scene and expensive cameras, ignore the attractive cast and all you’re left with is a sexual assault.

Tits aren’t inherently sexual, but she used his hand to illustrate how she was groped, making it an intrinsically sexual connotation. She’s laughing in this scene about how a boy groped her, so the audience is forced to find what she’s describing comical, because that’s how it is set up. She then forces him to touch her tit aggressively in a manner which she has construed herself as sexual. Not only is she forcing him to touch her without his consent, he fucking likes it. It’s the point of no return for the character and the story. Against all odds and personal boundaries, he has fallen in love with her. Because tit. Nothing else matters. TIT UBER ALLES.

This is the first fucking scene where the two characters interact! I’m not sure how it was written in the book, but even my raunchiest fanfics took at least several chapters before Draco even came close to Harry’s wand. This is a grown ass man writing this shit, I was a horny teenaged girl literally so drunk on hormones, I would get the vaginal vapors just seeing the word EXPLICIT next to titles. The book could be as chaste as a K-Drama couple, but he still had to sign off on the Hulu version.

I’m not comfortable claiming this makes John Green a pedophile. I’m also not comfortable saying he isn’t, because I don’t fucking know the guy or his harddrive. Based solely on his writing, there’s absolutely no way to conclude he’s a child abuser, is all I’m saying.

I think it’s fair to assume he’s at least kind of a fucking creep. As mentioned before, my problem with his writing is because it’s the kind of shit I would work myself into an intellectual wankathon over when I was 14. The difference is, I grew out of that shit, and I faced the morbid reality that I was so obsessed with the idea of the quirky boy falling for the quirky girl in a quirky love story because I was an awkward, average teenager, just like the rest of my peers. The only thing unique about me was my fingerprint.

This writing has an audience. It sells. Because teenagers want to feel like they’ll wake up one day and be the hero of their own story. Where it becomes problematic is by writing for young audiences in a way that encourages them to keep thinking of themselves as secretly better, above everyone else. For young girls, speaking from experience, all it doesn’t is uphold the idea that being sexually appealing is the means to an end goal of just fucking existing.

I wrote myself like the girls are written in Green’s books. Well, I mean, we—distinguished livejournal writers of the middle 2000s, that is—would sooner kill a man than admit to self-insertion in a fanfic.net novella, but that’s what it was. The difference is, the protagonist to my Mary Sue (Demolitia Black, in my case, sweet fucking god, the actual shame) was usually Gerard Way. My quirkiness, reviled by my peers, was what made me so u n I q u e, so unlike other girls, so EXACTLY what my chosen object of affection lusted for.

The irony was that I would end up having my fairytale romance. It was perfect, and average, and so much what I long for as an adult. But at the time, as a 14 year old, it was awful, and broken, and ended because he liked me for stupid things, like my personality and our conversations, instead of my eccentric uniqueness. My teenage brain found that being broken up with was more exciting and romantic than ever have been in a relationship in the first place. Real life never played out like my fanfics or Twilight and so I cockblocked myself from high school straight through the first year of fucking college.

The main interest in Alaska has a room full of books, so she must be smart. Even the protagonist is taken by them as he walks in the door. But those books don’t grab his heart quite like touching a fucking boob. Perhaps it really is fate that it was her boob, I mean, what if another breast had leapt out and grabbed him JUST before... we’d have a whole different story about a whole different boob!

The protagonist doesn’t know her yet, so neither do we, but that doesn’t matter. It has been established that she doesn’t follow social norms while in possession of phenotypical female sex characteristics, and that’s all that we fucking need to get this ball rolling.

There’s so much more about the worlds Mr. Green creates (a fucking co-ed summer camp style school with like atrium rooms that are fucking stunning, what in the fuck) or the people who inhabit them (gropers, gropees, scenery characters written so paper thin a sneeze could cause a genocide), but I’m old and not quirky, so I tire easily. Also, I’m typing this on an iPad and it’s hard to stay focused when your rapidly contracting finger arthritis in the most millennial way possible.

In the end, what I’m really trying to say is, fuck your Paper Towns, I’ll take my Plastic Deserts.

Bitch.

0 notes

enchantingartisancrown-blog · 6 years

Text

When You're Kept back For Fear You Might Surpass The Boss.

Bob Buddy, who has actually passed away aged 70, after struggling with a brain tumour, distinguished himself as a BBC reporter and, from its launch in 1989, as a presenter on Sky Information. The program employers took place to say exactly how helpful this has been - yet that there have actually still been arguments, hinting probably that the strong choice to kill off and then reanimate lead character Jon Snow was one matter of opinion. Come and join Hello Cat with her friends in this action-packed Family Competing Event never before readily available on Steam! So, check with your boss about what you're doing as well as what you have actually completed as well as ensure your manager has that very same understanding. An extremely well-written story of Richard J. Daley, his Autonomous political device, and also his city of Chicago. Someone that wishes to end a connection may intentionally overlook the requirements of the various other person, yet occasionally requires modification and individuals fall short to maintain up with those changes. Deserting your goals whether a job choice, an academic chance or a spiritual journey since you believe your companion's objectives will offer you extra ultimately, will hinder your wish for individual satisfaction. Twenty-two years into my working life, from two dollars-an-hour to a six-figure wage, I lastly involved the understanding that my happiness rests after a variety of points, consisting of spending even more time with my other half, staying clear of a soul-crushing commute, not working standard 9-5 hours, and also being my very own employer. I was provided with a free of charge duplicate of Manager Woman in exchange for a sincere evaluation. I, directly, find this relationship one of one of the most hazardous ones this side of gone woman, yet i could see just how someone who is young, unskilled in connections, and also potentially living somewhere a little sheltered would certainly see this as horribly romantic. Travis commonly claims foolish points that clearly suggest the connection between himself and also Abby will count on an abusive one sooner or later - when he makes her modification her clothing before they head out due to the fact that he thinks what she's wearing is too enlightening, for instance. Nothing in the meaning requires a peer-to-peer relationship, only one individual with perceived power over another," professionals compose in an article released Monday in the journal Pediatrics The coach-athlete relationship involves a fundamental discrepancy of power." Intimidation is greater than a nuisance. Troubles can occur when both companions really feel that they're ideal and the other is entirely incorrect, triggering heated disagreements. Left alone in a downstairs area of the expansive San Fernando Valley residence of close friend Robert Kardashian, with Simpson's lawyer, Robert L. Shapiro, as well as a number of other people providing in a conference room upstairs, the pair fled. One example of producing a friendship is sharing your playthings, welcoming them to play with you, as well as paying attention to your good friends and also calming them when they require it. There are likewise examples how to break friendships, by disparaging them, injuring them, and also disregarding them. Not just will it save you time and energy in the process of dating, and make you a much better, more reliable dater (whether you're trying to find fun, sex, or a relationship), yet it. will also maintain your outlook fresh, your point of view clear, and your perspective positive. Or, your manager would correctly be doing their task as well as would certainly inform you instantly what you did. By taking the effort you are developing a situation in which both you and also your boss will profit substantially. More precise measurements of daily goals and responsiveness might show greater agreement between actors' and partners' reports. Relationship specialist Susan Trombetti of Exclusive Matchmaking keeps in mind that anticipating the most awful could be a form of self-preservation that brings about self-sabotage, especially when it pertains to your romantic connections. Regardless of Dilek urging she had actually only ever taken part in an expert relationship with her male manager, the day after Stephanie sent the text back in October 2013, Dilek was terminated. The alarmingly stunning Fortunate - celebrity of two of Jackie Collins' previous hit, worldwide top bestsellers, Possibilities and Fortunate - returns in Girl Manager. Nikki Sheehan as a kid - she shared a fictional close friend with her bro and, later on, with her child. She asked many concerns regarding how informing the scary story of waking up in bed alongside her deceased other half can perhaps be handy. The city figured out that much of Quon's messages were personal, and numerous were raunchy. Starting on an exotic island as well as continuing in Sydney, Australia, BAITING THE ONE IN CHARGE is a pleasant, contemporary love that concentrates on the partnerships in between the personalities as its plot. Nevertheless, if this support is not supplied they could face troubles in acquiring freedom or a home of their own, in accessing leisure and recreation activities, and/or in creating partnerships as well as relationships. Ladies whose largest aspiration was to get a secretarial work at Smith Barney and also getaway with their bosses in the Bahamas unlike those of us in the Program, who desired for facing down F5 twisters as well as relaxing raging rivers. I check out Harrigan's The Gates of the Alamo numerous years earlier as well as assumed it quite great, so seeing a number of acclamatory press reviews, I picked up A Friend of Mr. Lincoln at my public library. However, let me ensure you, there are couple of points that make me much more awkward than heaping excessive appreciation on the work of buddies. Maintain http://gesund-lebenblog.de/collamask-preis-erfahrung-aus-forum-test-bestellen-wo-kaufen-amazon-apotheke-oder-hersteller/ down to 3 reasons that the connection isn't really benefiting you anymore. Being a great teaching fellowship manager suggests setting quantifiable objectives and also giving your trainees the tools to achieve these goals. Luckily, almost half (46 percent) of Americans state they wouldn't care if their following employer were male or women. That is, people can predict their responsiveness onto others, influencing their own connection experiences, as well as at the same time, communicate responsiveness to connection partners, impacting partners' connection experiences. Doing so allows you to decide just what you could forgive and also just what you cannot based upon the high qualities that you seek in a good friend. Told twin very first individual point of views (Chase and also Reese) using existing day and also back flashes from previous memories with a little bit of enigma thrown in. Well-paced. Champsee manages to put a great deal of personality into the sustaining actors right here - especially in the guy, that is - nevertheless - stood for entirely in short-hand texts. I liked this publication since it is extremely practical in discussing exactly what a good friend is versus a poor pal. The solution, however, entails pre-cancelling" 341 trains a day as well as consigning seaside homeowners to the bus. The one in charge notes the tasks and also doesn't inform the best ways to do it. This is most typical problem encountering IT employees. Spotlighting a cult phenomenon as well as its fans, much of that count the number of times they've seen the motion picture in the hundreds, this contribution to the Follower Phantasm series covers never-before-explored topics associated with The Rocky Scary Picture Show. Keep in mind to follow up with your manager one to two weeks prior to your trip to remind them you'll run out the office soon.

0 notes

hollywoodjuliorivas · 7 years

Link

After the nation’s first black president, we now have a white president with the whitest and malest cabinet since Ronald Reagan’s. His administration immediately made it a priority to deport undocumented immigrants and to deny people from certain Muslim-majority nations entry into the United States, decisions that caused tremendous blowback. What President Trump doesn’t seem to have considered is that diversity doesn’t just sound nice, it has tangible value. Social scientists find that homogeneous groups like his cabinet can be less creative and insightful than diverse ones. They are more prone to groupthink and less likely to question faulty assumptions. What’s true of groups is also true for individuals. A small but growing body of research suggests that multiracial people are more open-minded and creative. Here, it’s worth remembering that Barack Obama, son of a Kenyan father and a white Kansan mother, wasn’t only the nation’s first black president, he was also its first biracial president. His multitudinous self was, I like to think, part of what made him great — part of what inspired him when he proclaimed that there wasn’t a red or blue America, but a United States of America. As a multiethnic person myself — the son of a Jewish dad of Eastern European descent and a Puerto Rican mom — I can attest that being mixed makes it harder to fall back on the tribal identities that have guided so much of human history, and that are now resurgent. Your background pushes you to construct a worldview that transcends the tribal. Continue reading the main story ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story You’re also accustomed to the idea of having several selves, and of trying to forge them into something whole. That task of self-creation isn’t unique to biracial people; it’s a defining experience of modernity. Once the old stories about God and tribe — the framing that historically gave our lives context — become inadequate, on what do we base our identities? How do we give our lives meaning and purpose? President Trump has answered this challenge by reaching backward — vowing to wall off America and invoking a whiter, more homogeneous country. This approach is likely to fail for the simple reason that much of the strength and creativity of America, and modernity generally, stems from diversity. And the answers to a host of problems we face may lie in more mixing, not less. Consider this: By 3 months of age, biracial infants recognize faces more quickly than their monoracial peers, suggesting that their facial perception abilities are more developed. Kristin Pauker, a psychologist at the University of Hawaii at Manoa and one of the researchers who performed this study, likens this flexibility to bilingualism. Early on, infants who hear only Japanese, say, will lose the ability to distinguish L’s from R’s. But if they also hear English, they’ll continue to hear the sounds as separate. So it is with recognizing faces, Dr. Pauker says. Kids naturally learn to recognize kin from non-kin, in-group from out-group. But because they’re exposed to more human variation, the in-group for multiracial children seems to be larger. ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story This may pay off in important ways later. In a 2015 study, Sarah Gaither, an assistant professor at Duke, found that when she reminded multiracial participants of their mixed heritage, they scored higher in a series of word association games and other tests that measure creative problem solving. When she reminded monoracial people about their heritage, however, their performance didn’t improve. Somehow, having multiple selves enhanced mental flexibility. But here’s where it gets interesting: When Dr. Gaither reminded participants of a single racial background that they, too, had multiple selves, by asking about their various identities in life, their scores also improved. “For biracial people, these racial identities are very salient,” she told me. “That said, we all have multiple social identities.” And focusing on these identities seems to impart mental flexibility irrespective of race. It may be possible to deliberately cultivate this kind of limber mind-set by, for example, living abroad. Various studies find that business people who live in other countries are more successful than those who stay put; that artists who’ve lived abroad create more valuable art; that scientists working abroad produce studies that are more highly cited. Living in another culture exercises the mind, researchers reason, forcing one to think more deeply about the world. Another path to intellectual rigor is to gather a diverse group of people together and have them attack problems, which is arguably exactly what the American experiment is. In mock trials, the Tufts University researcher Samuel Sommers has found, racially diverse juries appraise evidence more accurately than all-white juries, which translates to more lenient treatment of minority defendants. That’s not because minority jurors are biased in favor of minority defendants, but because whites on mixed juries more carefully consider the evidence. Advertisement Continue reading the main story The point is that diversity — of one’s own makeup, one’s experience, of groups of people solving problems, of cities and nations — is linked to economic prosperity, greater scientific prowess and a fairer judicial process. If human groups represent a series of brains networked together, the more dissimilar these brains are in terms of life experience, the better the “hivemind” may be at thinking around any given problem. Photo Credit Lynnie Z. The opposite is true of those who employ essentialist thinking — in particular, it seems, people who espouse stereotypes about racial groups. Harvard and Tel Aviv University scientists ran experiments on white Americans, Israelis and Asian-Americans in which they had some subjects read essays that made an essentialist argument about race, and then asked them to solve word-association games and other puzzles. Those who were primed with racial stereotypes performed worse than those who weren’t. “An essentialist mind-set is indeed hazardous for creativity,” the authors note. None of which bodes well for Mr. Trump’s mostly white, mostly male, extremely wealthy cabinet. Indeed, it’s tempting to speculate that the administration’s problems so far, including its clumsy rollout of a travel ban that was mostly blocked by the courts, stem in part from its homogeneity and insularity. Better decisions might emerge from a more diverse set of minds. And yet, if multiculturalism is so grand, why was Mr. Trump so successful in running on a platform that rejected it? What explains the current “whitelash,” as the commentator Van Jones called it? Sure, many Trump supporters have legitimate economic concerns separate from worries about race or immigration. But what of the white nationalism that his campaign seems to have unleashed? Eight years of a black president didn’t assuage those minds, but instead inflamed them. Diversity didn’t make its own case very well. ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story One answer to this conundrum comes from Dr. Sommers and his Tufts colleague Michael Norton. In a 2011 survey, they found that as whites reported decreases in perceived anti-black bias, they also reported increasing anti-white bias, which they described as a bigger problem. Dr. Sommers and Dr. Norton concluded that whites saw race relations as a zero-sum game. Minorities’ gain was their loss. In reality, cities and countries that are more diverse are more prosperous than homogeneous ones, and that often means higher wages for native-born citizens. Yet the perception that out-groups gain at in-groups’ expense persists. And that view seems to be reflexive. Merely reminding whites that the Census Bureau has said the United States will be a “majority minority” country by 2042, as one Northwestern University experiment showed, increased their anti-minority bias and their preference for being around other whites. In another experiment, the reminder made whites more politically conservative as well. It’s hard to know what to do about this except to acknowledge that diversity isn’t easy. It’s uncomfortable. It can make people feel threatened. “We promote diversity. We believe in diversity. But diversity is hard,” Sophie Trawalter, a psychologist at the University of Virginia, told me. That very difficulty, though, may be why diversity is so good for us. “The pain associated with diversity can be thought of as the pain of exercise,” Katherine Phillips, a senior vice dean at Columbia Business School, writes. “You have to push yourself to grow your muscles.” ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story Closer, more meaningful contact with those of other races may help assuage the underlying anxiety. Some years back, Dr. Gaither of Duke ran an intriguing study in which incoming white college students were paired with either same-race or different-race roommates. After four months, roommates who lived with different races had a more diverse group of friends and considered diversity more important, compared with those with same-race roommates. After six months, they were less anxious and more pleasant in interracial interactions. (It was the Republican-Democrat pairings that proved problematic, Dr. Gaither told me. Apparently they couldn’t stand each other.) Some corners of the world seem to naturally foster this mellower view of race — particularly Hawaii, Mr. Obama’s home state. Dr. Pauker has found that by age 7, children in Massachusetts begin to stereotype about racial out-groups, whereas children in Hawaii do not. She’s not sure why, but she suspects that the state’s unique racial makeup is important. Whites are a minority in Hawaii, and the state has the largest share of multiracial people in the country, at almost a quarter of its population. Constant exposure to people who see race as a fluid concept — who define themselves as Asian, Hawaiian, black or white interchangeably — makes rigid thinking about race harder to maintain, she speculates. And that flexibility rubs off. In a forthcoming study, Dr. Pauker finds that white college students who move from the mainland to Hawaii begin to think differently about race. Faced daily with evidence of a complex reality, their ideas about who’s in and who’s out, and what belonging to any group really means, relax. Clearly, people can cling to racist views even when exposed to mountains of evidence contradicting those views. But an optimistic interpretation of Dr. Pauker’s research is that when a society’s racial makeup moves beyond a certain threshold — when whites stop being the majority, for example, and a large percentage of the population is mixed — racial stereotyping becomes harder to do. ADVERTISEMENT Continue reading the main story Whitelash notwithstanding, we’re moving in that direction. More nonwhite babies are already born than white. And if multiracial people work like a vaccine against the tribalist tendencies roused by Mr. Trump, the country may be gaining immunity. Multiracials make up an estimated 7 percent of Americans, according to the Pew Research Center, and they’re predicted to grow to 20 percent by 2050. President Trump campaigned on a narrow vision of America as a nation-state, not as a state of people from many nations. His response to the modern question — How do we form our identities? — is to grasp for a semi-mythical past that excludes large segments of modern America. If we believe the science on diversity, his approach to problem solving is likely suboptimal. Sign Up for the Opinion Today Newsletter Every weekday, get thought-provoking commentary from Op-Ed columnists, the Times editorial board and contributing writers from around the world. Sign Up Receive occasional updates and special offers for The New York Times's products and services. SEE SAMPLE MANAGE EMAIL PREFERENCES PRIVACY POLICY Many see his election as apocalyptic. And sure, President Trump could break our democracy, wreck the country and ruin the planet. But his presidency also has the feel of a last stand — grim, fearful and obsessed with imminent decline. In retrospect, we may view Mr. Trump as part of the agony of metamorphosis. And we’ll see Mr. Obama as the first president of the thriving multiracial nation that’s emerging. Moises Velasquez-Manoff, the author of “An Epidemic of Absence: A New Way of Understanding Allergies and Autoimmune Disease,” is a contributing opinion writer. A version of this op-ed appears in print on March 5, 2017, on Page SR1 of the New York edition with the headline: What Biracial People Know. Today's Paper|Subscribe Continue reading the main story

0 notes

osimint · 7 years

Text

What Biracial People Know

What President Trump doesn’t seem to have considered is that diversity doesn’t just sound nice, it has tangible value. Social scientists find that homogeneous groups like his cabinet can be less creative and insightful than diverse ones. They are more prone to groupthink and less likely to question faulty assumptions.

What’s true of groups is also true for individuals. A small but growing body of research suggests that multiracial people are more open-minded and creative. Here, it’s worth remembering that Barack Obama, son of a Kenyan father and a white Kansan mother, wasn’t only the nation’s first black president, he was also its first biracial president. His multitudinous self was, I like to think, part of what made him great — part of what inspired him when he proclaimed that there wasn’t a red or blue America, but a United States of America.

As a multiethnic person myself — the son of a Jewish dad of Eastern European descent and a Puerto Rican mom — I can attest that being mixed makes it harder to fall back on the tribal identities that have guided so much of human history, and that are now resurgent. Your background pushes you to construct a worldview that transcends the tribal.

You’re also accustomed to the idea of having several selves, and of trying to forge them into something whole. That task of self-creation isn’t unique to biracial people; it’s a defining experience of modernity. Once the old stories about God and tribe — the framing that historically gave our lives context — become inadequate, on what do we base our identities? How do we give our lives meaning and purpose?

President Trump has answered this challenge by reaching backward — vowing to wall off America and invoking a whiter, more homogeneous country. This approach is likely to fail for the simple reason that much of the strength and creativity of America, and modernity generally, stems from diversity. And the answers to a host of problems we face may lie in more mixing, not less.

Consider this: By 3 months of age, biracial infants recognize faces more quickly than their monoracial peers, suggesting that their facial perception abilities are more developed. Kristin Pauker, a psychologist at the University of Hawaii at Manoa and one of the researchers who performed this study, likens this flexibility to bilingualism.

Early on, infants who hear only Japanese, say, will lose the ability to distinguish L’s from R’s. But if they also hear English, they’ll continue to hear the sounds as separate. So it is with recognizing faces, Dr. Pauker says. Kids naturally learn to recognize kin from non-kin, in-group from out-group. But because they’re exposed to more human variation, the in-group for multiracial children seems to be larger.

This may pay off in important ways later. In a 2015 study, Sarah Gaither, an assistant professor at Duke, found that when she reminded multiracial participants of their mixed heritage, they scored higher in a series of word association games and other tests that measure creative problem solving. When she reminded monoracial people about their heritage, however, their performance didn’t improve. Somehow, having multiple selves enhanced mental flexibility.

But here’s where it gets interesting: When Dr. Gaither reminded participants of a single racial background that they, too, had multiple selves, by asking about their various identities in life, their scores also improved. “For biracial people, these racial identities are very salient,” she told me. “That said, we all have multiple social identities.” And focusing on these identities seems to impart mental flexibility irrespective of race.

It may be possible to deliberately cultivate this kind of limber mind-set by, for example, living abroad. Various studies find that business people who live in other countries are more successful than those who stay put; that artists who’ve lived abroad create more valuable art; that scientists working abroad produce studies that are more highly cited. Living in another culture exercises the mind, researchers reason, forcing one to think more deeply about the world.

Another path to intellectual rigor is to gather a diverse group of people together and have them attack problems, which is arguably exactly what the American experiment is. In mock trials, the Tufts University researcher Samuel Sommers has found, racially diverse juries appraise evidence more accurately than all-white juries, which translates to more lenient treatment of minority defendants. That’s not because minority jurors are biased in favor of minority defendants, but because whites on mixed juries more carefully consider the evidence.

The point is that diversity — of one’s own makeup, one’s experience, of groups of people solving problems, of cities and nations — is linked to economic prosperity, greater scientific prowess and a fairer judicial process. If human groups represent a series of brains networked together, the more dissimilar these brains are in terms of life experience, the better the “hivemind” may be at thinking around any given problem.

The opposite is true of those who employ essentialist thinking — in particular, it seems, people who espouse stereotypes about racial groups. Harvard and Tel Aviv University scientists ran experiments on white Americans, Israelis and Asian-Americans in which they had some subjects read essays that made an essentialist argument about race, and then asked them to solve word-association games and other puzzles. Those who were primed with racial stereotypes performed worse than those who weren’t. “An essentialist mind-set is indeed hazardous for creativity,” the authors note.

None of which bodes well for Mr. Trump’s mostly white, mostly male, extremely wealthy cabinet. Indeed, it’s tempting to speculate that the administration’s problems so far, including its clumsy rollout of a travel ban that was mostly blocked by the courts, stem in part from its homogeneity and insularity. Better decisions might emerge from a more diverse set of minds.

And yet, if multiculturalism is so grand, why was Mr. Trump so successful in running on a platform that rejected it? What explains the current “whitelash,” as the commentator Van Jones called it? Sure, many Trump supporters have legitimate economic concerns separate from worries about race or immigration. But what of the white nationalism that his campaign seems to have unleashed? Eight years of a black president didn’t assuage those minds, but instead inflamed them. Diversity didn’t make its own case very well.

One answer to this conundrum comes from Dr. Sommers and his Tufts colleague Michael Norton. In a 2011 survey, they found that as whites reported decreases in perceived anti-black bias, they also reported increasing anti-white bias, which they described as a bigger problem. Dr. Sommers and Dr. Norton concluded that whites saw race relations as a zero-sum game. Minorities’ gain was their loss.

In reality, cities and countries that are more diverse are more prosperous than homogeneous ones, and that often means higher wages for native-born citizens. Yet the perception that out-groups gain at in-groups’ expense persists. And that view seems to be reflexive. Merely reminding whites that the Census Bureau has said the United States will be a “majority minority” country by 2042, as one Northwestern University experiment showed, increased their anti-minority bias and their preference for being around other whites. In another experiment, the reminder made whites more politically conservative as well.

It’s hard to know what to do about this except to acknowledge that diversity isn’t easy. It’s uncomfortable. It can make people feel threatened. “We promote diversity. We believe in diversity. But diversity is hard,” Sophie Trawalter, a psychologist at the University of Virginia, told me.

That very difficulty, though, may be why diversity is so good for us. “The pain associated with diversity can be thought of as the pain of exercise,” Katherine Phillips, a senior vice dean at Columbia Business School, writes. “You have to push yourself to grow your muscles.”

Closer, more meaningful contact with those of other races may help assuage the underlying anxiety. Some years back, Dr. Gaither of Duke ran an intriguing study in which incoming white college students were paired with either same-race or different-race roommates. After four months, roommates who lived with different races had a more diverse group of friends and considered diversity more important, compared with those with same-race roommates. After six months, they were less anxious and more pleasant in interracial interactions. (It was the Republican-Democrat pairings that proved problematic, Dr. Gaither told me. Apparently they couldn’t stand each other.)

Some corners of the world seem to naturally foster this mellower view of race — particularly Hawaii, Mr. Obama’s home state. Dr. Pauker has found that by age 7, children in Massachusetts begin to stereotype about racial out-groups, whereas children in Hawaii do not. She’s not sure why, but she suspects that the state’s unique racial makeup is important. Whites are a minority in Hawaii, and the state has the largest share of multiracial people in the country, at almost a quarter of its population.

Constant exposure to people who see race as a fluid concept — who define themselves as Asian, Hawaiian, black or white interchangeably — makes rigid thinking about race harder to maintain, she speculates. And that flexibility rubs off. In a forthcoming study, Dr. Pauker finds that white college students who move from the mainland to Hawaii begin to think differently about race. Faced daily with evidence of a complex reality, their ideas about who’s in and who’s out, and what belonging to any group really means, relax.

Clearly, people can cling to racist views even when exposed to mountains of evidence contradicting those views. But an optimistic interpretation of Dr. Pauker’s research is that when a society’s racial makeup moves beyond a certain threshold — when whites stop being the majority, for example, and a large percentage of the population is mixed — racial stereotyping becomes harder to do.

Whitelash notwithstanding, we’re moving in that direction. More nonwhite babies are already born than white. And if multiracial people work like a vaccine against the tribalist tendencies roused by Mr. Trump, the country may be gaining immunity. Multiracials make up an estimated 7 percent of Americans, according to the Pew Research Center, and they’re predicted to grow to 20 percent by 2050.

President Trump campaigned on a narrow vision of America as a nation-state, not as a state of people from many nations. His response to the modern question — How do we form our identities? — is to grasp for a semi-mythical past that excludes large segments of modern America. If we believe the science on diversity, his approach to problem solving is likely suboptimal.

Many see his election as apocalyptic. And sure, President Trump could break our democracy, wreck the country and ruin the planet. But his presidency also has the feel of a last stand — grim, fearful and obsessed with imminent decline. In retrospect, we may view Mr. Trump as part of the agony of metamorphosis.

And we’ll see Mr. Obama as the first president of the thriving multiracial nation that’s emerging.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/04/opinion/sunday/what-biracial-people-know.html?smprod=nytcore-ipad&smid=nytcore-ipad-share&_r=0

#nyt #analytical bias #group think #identity #sociology

0 notes

viralhottopics · 7 years

Text

How dropping acid saved my life

When writer Ayelet Waldman fell into depression she started microdosing with LSD. She tells Rachel Cooke about her extraordinary experiment with acid

Some time ago for reasons that will become apparent I am not allowed to say when, exactly the American writer Ayelet Waldman scored some LSD. She did this, not on a street corner or via the dark web, but middle-class style, through an acquaintance of an acquaintance, for which reason the drug arrived at her home in Berkeley, California, in a stamp-encrusted brown paper package whose sender (an elderly professor, she believed) identified himself only as Lewis Carroll, a fellow resident of her town. Mr Carroll had, however, troubled to write her a brief note. Our lives may be no more than dewdrops on a summer morning, it said. But surely, it is better that we sparkle while we are here. The bottle he enclosed contained 50 drops of vintage quality LSD, of which he advised her to take two at a time. Waldman was delighted. Not to put too fine a point on it, she believed this drug might save her life.

For as long as she can remember, Waldman has been held hostage by her moods. When she is up, she is up; when she is down, she is down. These highs and lows she has managed over the years with the help of therapy and a number of drugs, with which she has had varying degrees of success. At the time of the parcels arrival, though, she had entered a new and much more scary phase.

I was so profoundly depressed, she says. It wasnt the kind of depression where you fall into bed. Ive been through that before, and while its grim, its manageable. This was more of a mixed state, a kind of activated depression, and thats a dangerous place to be. I was doing everything I could to ruin my own life. I was afraid that if I stayed on that track, I would force my husband to leave me, and that I would probably attempt suicide and being a very capable person, I dont think a failed attempt was on the cards.

It was while she was in this state of mind that she stumbled on The Psychedelic Explorers Guide, by the psychologist and writer James Fadiman, who since 2010 has been collecting reports from individuals who have experimented with regular microdosing of LSD and psilocybin, a naturally occurring chemical found in a variety of mushrooms. Fadimans book is certainly not the result of a scientific research project; there has never been an officially sanctioned study of microdosing.

Here comes happiness: Ayelet Waldman at home. Photograph: Barry J Holmes for the Observer

But the people whose accounts it gathered together spoke repeatedly of experiencing, thanks to LSD, increased focus and better mood. They reported rarely losing their tempers, and becoming more fun to be with. None, moreover, had suffered any side effects. To put it simply, they went to bed feeling they had enjoyed that most elusive of things: a really good day. As Waldman read on, she grew envious. How she needed to have one of those! Was this her glimmer of hope? She thought it might be.

Waldman contacted Fadiman, and received a memo entitled To a Potential Self-Study Psychedelic Researcher. The protocol was simple. In order to participate in his international self-study group on the effects of sub-perceptual doses of LSD, she should take a microdose of the drug every third day. The suggested dose was a minuscule 10 micrograms, one 10th or less of what a person would have to take in order to experience an altered state of consciousness (ie to trip).

Meanwhile, she should lead life as normal, pausing only to record her moods, productivity and physical symptoms. Did this sound to be blunt preposterous? It did. Waldman is a middle-aged mother of four who, in addition to writing novels, lectures on the criminal justice system (she is a Harvard-educated former lawyer). As someone who is law-abiding and swotty, nothing in the world irritates her more than hippies, slackers, free spirits. Even people who wont stay on the right hand side of escalators drive her nuts. Ken Kesey she is not. But she was suffering. She had nothing to lose. Why shouldnt she try it, just for a month?

Having found a supplier, then, she did indeed begin taking the drug, an experience she has now recorded in her own book A Really Good Day: How Microdosing Made a Mega Difference in My Mood, My Marriage, and My Life. Its publication is certain to cause controversy. In fact, the madness has already begun. When we speak via Skype, a month or so before it arrives in bookshops, she tells me that only a few days earlier an excitable reporter got in touch to inform her that his editor had given him permission to drop acid with Ayelet Waldman. (Her response to his question about when they might schedule this journalistic endeavour was: Like, never.)

Loved up: Waldman and husband Michael Chabon. Photograph: Albert L Ortega/WireImage

Attitudes to drugs in America are irrespective of those states that have legalised cannabis far from liberal. Trump has appointed to the Department of Justice a war-on-drugs advocate [the Alabama senator, Jeff Sessions] who is so retrograde in his thinking, he believes the US suffers from an under-incarceration problem, she says. Its for this reason that she wont reveal when her experiment ended: there is a three-year statute of limitations on drugs charges. Do I think a white, middle-class lady will be high on his list of targets? No. But in this crazy new world we live in, you cant be too careful.

Its reception will also doubtless be muddied by the fact that she is its author. In America, Waldman is well known as an acclaimed writer in her own right and as the wife of the Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist Michael Chabon, to whom she has been married since 1993. When she writes about herself, moreover and this is something she does a great deal in A Really Good Day people have a tendency to respond with unnerving fury.

Most famously, this was the case in 2005, when the New York Times published her essay Motherlove, in which she declared that she loved her husband more than her children (If a good mother is one who loves her child more than anyone else in the world, I am not a good mother. I am in fact a bad mother.) In the days that followed, ABCs daytime show The View hosted an unaccountably vitriolic debate about Waldman, her neighbours could be heard tearing her to shreds in Starbucks, and her inbox filled with emails from strangers threatening to report her to social services, the better that her children might be taken away.

Waldman is clever and funny and open-hearted. But as she readily admits, even her more sympathetic readers may sometimes have cause to wonder, in the case of A Really Good Day, which aspects of her behaviour her compulsion to tell the world things that others might prefer to keep private among them are simply the result of her personality, and which can be attributed to her illness. It is hard to distinguish between them, she says, almost wonderingly.

Still, she is probably better placed, now, to cope with any onslaught. Waldman is no longer using LSD her experiment really did last for only a month but its effects have, in some ways, been lasting. I miss its anti-depressant quality, and I miss the way it made me focus. It was like Ritalin [a drug commonly prescribed in the US to children with ADHD] without the side effects, which is frankly incredible. But that month got me out of a dark place. Within the first couple of doses, it was like the computer of my brain had been restarted. I was still moody. I had some really good days, but there were also crappy days, and days when it was just the normal shit. Somehow, though, the bad days were not hellish days, and so I had the capacity to work on issues I just couldnt before. Sure, I was hoping for joy. What I got instead was enough distance from the pain I was in to work on the things that were causing it.

Expand your mind: 1960s LSD advocate Dr Timothy Leary, who advised us to turn on, tune in, drop out. Photograph: AP

That work continues. Im still not on an even keel. Im still struggling with my moods. But Im committed to that. Im doing a new kind of therapy that is working quite well, even if not quite so well as it might be if I was still microdosing. If someone sends her a mean tweet in the coming weeks, she is unlikely to respond as venomously as she might once have done, or even at all.

Given its benign effect on her, why didnt she just find herself a new supplier, and continue taking it? There were, she says, two reasons. The first was her complete inability to purchase illegal drugs: towards the end of her book, she describes how, having made contact by text with a dealer, she panics, having convinced herself that Lucy is a police informant. The second was her determination to write a book about her experience: for that to be safe, she had to no longer be using.

If I could have overcome those things, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have carried on. Of course, it might not have kept working; Ive been on medication before that seemed to be working, and then wasnt. But if it was to be made legal, Id be the first in the queue, and I periodically remind myself that, if I get desperate again, I do have the option.

Her book is well-researched and, in the matter of LSD itself, careful and no-nonsense. The drug, a variation on the ergotamine molecule (ergot is the fungus responsible for the disease known in the Middle Ages as St Anthonys Fire) which was first synthesised in Basel in 1938 by Dr Albert Hofmann, has, she argues, an undeservedly bad reputation. The scare stories it trails of young men and women whose LSD hallucinations lead them to jump off high buildings have little basis in reality. Rather, they are largely the result of conservative Americas response to the 1960s counterculture, to Timothy Learys suggestion that people turn on, tune in, drop out. Twenty million people have used it in the US, and millions more around the world, with no ill effects at all.

Its complicated, but when it comes to the drugs possible use in the treatment of mental illness, what you need to know is that LSD stimulates the 5-HT2A serotonin receptor, which in turn leads to the stimulation both of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), something a pharmacologist described to her as like Miracle-Gro for the brain It stimulates growth, connections, and activity, and of glutamate, the neurotransmitter most responsible for brain functions, such as cognition, learning and memory. (Hence its supposed new-found popularity in Silicon Valley, though Waldman thinks that, in reality, there are more magazine articles about tech dudes using LSD than there are, well, tech dudes using LSD: If there were some mass secret movement, it would have been a lot easier for to get hold of my drugs.)

She believes that during her experiment her neuroplasticity was enhanced, and that this didnt only enable her to work for hours at a time, to achieve a real sense of flow at her desk, but that it also made her happier and less impulsive. What little research has been done backs her up a study at Imperial College London showed that even a single dose of LSD produced robust psychological effects though scientists still dont fully understand the relationship between what happens in the brain, and the psyche.

Why isnt more research carried out? The simple truth is that LSD still carries with it a lot of leftover political baggage. During the writing of her book, the few researchers sanctioned by the FDA (Food & Drug Administration) who are out there were reluctant to allow Waldman to quote them, fearing that to associate themselves with a personal experiment would tarnish their hard-won credibility.

So far, so good. However, when her book is on more personal territory, as it frequently is, Waldman is vastly less cautious, and for the reader especially, perhaps, the British reader this can be, well, excruciating. I know! she says, when I tell her this. Can you imagine what it would be like for me if I lived in London? Chabon, a feminist with whom she shares the childcare, has the power of veto over everything she writes. But because hes a writer, too, this seems not to be something he often invokes. In A Really Good Day, nothing is out of bounds, from their agonising couples therapy (My husbands eyes filled I collapsed in his arms, crying so hard I soaked his shirt), to their sex life (I know you love me, I said, as we made love), to their periodic use of MDMA, aka ecstasy, as a way of opening up their lines of connection. What we did was talk, she writes, of the first time they tried it, in a hotel room theyd booked specifically for the purpose. For six hours, we talked about our feelings for each other, why we love each other, how we loved each other.

Waldman reveals that her moods can be triggered by everything from her writerly insecurities, to the dog, to the sound of her husband eating nuts (she suffers from misophonia, or selective sound sensitivity syndrome): I handed him a handful of almonds, and walked out of the kitchen I heard a crunch, the smack of lips; I felt a wave of anger. She is also fed up that her husband earns more than her, and that she has to share his writing studio, which has an uncomfortable couch: Though hes welcomed me in, I feel like a girlfriend whos been given a drawer in the bachelor pad bathroom. Poor Michael Chabon. The reader begins to feel he is some kind of saint.

Well, he is somewhat saintly, Waldman says. He makes my friends crazy. He gives great gifts. He has impeccable taste in clothes and jewellery. He is a know-it-all, but then, he does sort of know everything. Hes misanthropic, in that we [the family] are all he has space for; he doesnt have any close friends, which I think he would benefit from. I was about to say that hes far better than I deserve, but thats the pathology speaking, because I am a very good wife for him.

Isnt he ever mean to her? Yeah, sure he is. He encouraged her to embark on LSD experiment because he was desperate, too.

Before we hang up, I have to ask: does she ever worry her extraordinarily intense relationship with Chabon on Twitter she has been known to post pictures of her husband, along with a line informing her 15,800 followers just how much she loves him might be another symptom of her illness? For the first time in our conversation, she is hesitant. The gale of her voice drops to a light breeze.

Yeah, I have thought about this. I have said to him: If I were to get healthy, would I still love you, and would you still love me? There is a way that Ive confused needing with loving. I dont want to sound like a Hallmark card, but love is [supposed to be] unselfish, and in my most internal, whirling dark places, I think I need him so badly because he takes care of me, protects me, makes me feel safe. One of the things that saved our marriage in that [dark] period was when I brutally tried to disentangle those things.

The upshot is that she thinks, now, perhaps its OK to need him. After the LSD, when I was having this intense new therapy, I took a drive one night in northern California, where the countryside is very beautiful. I had this thought: maybe I dont love him after all. It was terrifying, and I was crying. But then the phone rang, and it was him. How did she feel then? His voice filled me like a glass of water.

People have been curious, even excited: an extract from A Really Good Day

A fewdays ago, I began tentatively to tell people about this experiment. To my surprise, I encountered few negative reactions. Every once in a while a listener might arch an eyebrow or smile uncomfortably, as if trying to figure out whether her discomfort meant that she wasnt hip enough, or whether I really was nuts. But those have been in the decided minority. Most people have been curious, even excited.

Those with histories of mood disorders were intrigued to hear that my spirits have lifted, that though I sometimes feel the familiar clutch of anxiety in my chest, I am generally able to use mindfulness techniques to make it dissolve. When I told them that I have not gained weight and that my libido has not withered away, they got really excited. The side effects of SSRIs are so ubiquitous and unpleasant that the idea of a medication protocol with fewer of them is thrilling.

Friends who incline to the spiritual were disappointed when they heard that Ive experienced no connection to the divine, but reassured when I mention the pleasure Ive taken in the natural world, the tree outside my window, the smell of the jasmine beside the city sidewalks. Risk takers and hedonists were disappointed that I was unable to provide details of hallucinations. No kaleidoscopic colours, they asked wistfully, no feeling that the floor was shifting beneath your feet? I live in California. The last thing I want to feel is the floor shifting beneath my feet. They urged me to try a real dose. It would change my life, they said, as though my problem is that my life has been too devoid of weirdness. Besides, my life is changing.

Tonight, however, was a different story. These two writer friends are about 20 years older than my husband and me, which puts them firmly in the boomer generation. They were in their 20s in the 1960s. Theyve travelled the world, rejected a life of secure conformity in favour of the risks and rewards of art. What better people to confide in? I thought.

Well, I said, Ive been writing, but not working on a novel. Ive been writing about microdosing with LSD.

What does that mean, the woman of the pair asked? Are you writing some kind of nonfiction article on people who use LSD?

I took a breath and then explained.

Her face froze. If she had been wearing pearls, she would have clutched them. She looked horrified, even disgusted, as if Id told her that Id taken up murdering baby seals. Her husbands reaction was only slightly less disturbing. He smiled uncomfortably and changed the subject. I immediately agreed, yes, the antipasto was delicious, and, no, I didnt want any more.

Their reaction launched a series of cascading anxieties. Will I be condemned for doing this? Will people reject me as a nutcase, a crank, a deluded acid freak? Will I lose whatever credibility I have in the world? Will parents not let their children come over to our house any more, under the misapprehension that I keep drugs in my home?

As soon as dinner was over, I tried the technique for dissipating anxiety that my cognitive behavioural therapist recommends. I took a few deep breaths, exhaling for half again as long as I inhaled. My chest and throat unclenched. The anxiety ebbed. I was calm again. I was OK.

Also, I had some perspective. This couple were young in the 1960s, when Timothy Leary was spreading the gospel of psychedelic recklessness. For all I know, they had complicated histories with the drug that influenced how they responded to me. In all likelihood, their discomfort had far more to do with them than with me.

A Really Good Day: How Microdosing Made a Mega Difference in My Mood, My Marriage, and My Life by Ayelet Waldman is published by Corsair at 13.99. To order a copy, go to bookshop.theguardian.com