#also no elwing slander guys

[shiroandblack]

Silmarillion characters and if I could take them in a fight:

(note: this is absolutely unrealistic as if this was irl, average height-flabs for muscle-winded after one staircase-me would absolutely die fighting any of these people)

Fëanor: Yes. I can and will kick his ass.

Nerdanel: She can step on me and I would thank her.

Maedhros: I'd be dead in 0.1 second, thanks.

Maglor: No, but I would pull his hair so hard I'd rip a chunk off his scalp.

Celegorm: Yes. And I would pull his hair while I'm at it.

Caranthir: he wouldn't even need to get physical, he'd probably make me cry long before the fight even starts.

Curufin: yes, but I'm not walking away completely whole.

Amrod: I'll make him even crispier than his father did.

Amras: no, because he would kill me for Amrod.

Fingolfin: Absolutely not. I would be stepped on 7 times.

Anairë: she'd kill me without getting her hands dirty, so no I would die.

Fingon: No. He'd probably strangle me with his bow.

Turgon: Yes. I'd defeat him by throwing bricks at him.

Aredhel: I'd die.

Argon: who's Argon?

Finarfin: No, because he would talk me out of fighting him in the first place.

Eärwen: I would die via swans.

Finrod: No, because like his dad he would talk me out of it.

Angrod: No, I would get my head squished between his hands.

Aegnor: no, I'm not Andreth so I'm pretty sure I'd be dead.

Galadriel: I'd be dead in 0.1 seconds like Maedhros.

Celeborn: there is a reason Galadriel married him, so I'd probably die. No.

Elu Thingol: Yes, I'll bite his leg and never let go like a rabid dog.

Melian: bold of you to assume I'd fight her in the first place.

Lùthien: No, because I'd probably join her in dancing and singing in the woods away from civilisation.

Beren: Would rip off my head with his bare hands, so no.

Haleth: my head would be mounted on a pike after 5 minutes.

Elrond: no, because he would talk me out of it.

Elros: no, because he'd drown me.

Elwing: yes, because she would jump off a cliff before I even challenged her so I guess that would be a win for me.

Eärendil: no, he'd tie me up in his boat.

Dior: no, this is the guy who told the Fëanorians to fuck around and find out. I have chosen to NOT fuck around and find out.

Nimloth: no, I don't think I'd make it out alive.

Eluréd and Elurín: Celegorm's servants did the work for me.

Túrin: I'd probably be one of the many unfortunate souls he accidentally killed, so no.

Húrin: No. Just no.

Morwen: I'd be dead in 0.1 seconds.

Morgoth: yes. Just yes.

Sauron: no. I die like Celebrimbor.

Celebrimbor: no. But he would give me trinkets as a consolation prize.

Gil-galad: I'd become a shish kebab via Aeglos.

Finwë: yes.

Míriel: no, she'd stab me through the eye with her sewing needles.

Indis: RIP me.

#the silmarillion #also no elwing slander guys #please

[serregon]

10. worst part of fanon

one thing I don’t see talked about enough is the vilification of characters who are opposed to the Fëanorians. the downside to the popularity of the Fëanorians is that their rivals get slandered by the kinds of people who need to justify liking a villain by woobifying them until they’re no longer a villain in their eyes. like you guys do realize that the Fëanorians are the bad guys, right? right??? Elwing is the most obvious example but I’ve also seen it with Thingol, Galadriel, Dior, and I’ve even seen it with Beren and Lúthien

#and I’m literally saying this as a feanorian stan #I thought we loved them because they’re horrible people