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peggyrose19 · 3 years

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Hold Me While You Wait

Welcome to part 2 of me writing St. Tweedle instead of sleeping! What can I say, they’re fun. So here’s Remus finding out about the two of them. ( if you know the song from the title you get a gold star) also in case you weren’t aware i don’t know how actual conversations work.

characters by @lumosinlove

@im-oknutzy-trash, @wonder-womans-ex

Luke found himself fiddling as he waited in his room. He didn’t normally get so antsy, could usually keep a relatively calm exterior. But in his room, hidden from curious eyes, his walls dropped, letting his nerves peek through. His expression, staring back at him from the mirror he stood in front of, was stony and pale.

“Relax,” a familiar voice said. Luke didn’t even flinch, so familiar by now with Saint’s random appearances.

“How am I supposed to relax?” he asked exasperatedly, moving on from the buttons of his jacket to his cuffs. He didn’t look at Saint, but could hear him moving, could imagine his lithe body sliding through the window, blond hair catching the last strains of golden sunlight. He could picture the smirk too, as Saint came up behind him, close enough to touch.

“It’s just Remus,” Saint murmured softly, surveying Luke in the full-length mirror they stood before. Luke watched his face in the glass. “We hang out with him all the time. And besides,” he added, “you look good. No need to fix what isn’t broken.”

Luke turned to face Saint, mere breaths separating them. “When did you become all philosophical?”

There was a softer side to Saint, Luke had discovered over the past few months. One that only came out when they were alone, as if Saint was afraid of anyone else knowing that he did actually have a heart. And he cared a lot more than he ever let on. That was the thing about Saint. He always held things inside. He was this wild swirling storm of emotions, warring with each other constantly and held at bay by an icy wall of sharp wit and easy sarcasm. Luke liked to tell himself that it was him who brought Saint’s walls down, let him show that delicate interior beneath.

“It’s all your fault,” Saint replied then, and Luke smiled. “You’re a bad influence on me, Tweedle, what can I say?”

Luke smiled, and leaned forward to kiss Saint gently. He too was softer with Saint than anybody else, letting him see the caring parts of himself. There was something about Saint that felt safe, felt like home.

“Tell me it will all be okay.”

Saint’s expression flickered. “Well, I can’t tell you that, Tweedle,” he replied, not unkindly. “I can’t control it, can I? And I mean, he’s your friend, is he not? You should know better than to ask me, what do I know of Remus Lupin? That he’s mad? That he’s in love with Sirius? That’s about all I can give you, babe.”

Luke knew that wasn’t true—from the gleam in Saint’s eyes he did too—but he also knew that wasn’t Saint’s intention. Saint had never been the type of person to respond with logic. His intention was always to make Luke smile, to distract him. And most of the time it worked. Saint had an uncanny ability to pull your focus away, make you think of something else entirely different in a mere sentence or two. In this case, he was once again successful.

“Wait, Remus is in love with Sirius?” he asked.

Saint shrugged. “I dunno. He certainly stares at him enough though. It’s like they both have hearts for eyes these days, I swear.”

Luke just blinked. “Since when have they been together?” Saint shrugged again. Luke spluttered.

“Have you not noticed?” Saint asked amusedly. “Jesus Christ, he’s your best friend is he not? Must I do everything?” Luke stifled a laugh at Saint’s dramatics.

He had noticed Remus acting differently lately if he was honest, cagey and inconsistent, disappearing randomly throughout the day and reappearing with flushed cheeks or the occasional bruise. The more he thought about it, the more it all began to make sense. How Sirius never seemed to be around when Remus was missing. The way they always seemed to end up beside each other when they all hung out together. The sudden—or maybe not so sudden—lack of animosity between the two. He just wondered how the hell Saint had noticed before him.

Luke was pulled from his thoughts by the light brush of Saint’s lips against his own. He smiled into the kiss, let Saint push him back until he hit the wall, let his hands slip under the edge of Saint’s t-shirt. Saint always kissed like a burning fire. Pushing and taking, meeting Luke step for step. It had always been that way, ever since that very first kiss right here in this room, the two of them pushing and pulling, taking and giving what the other put down.

A knock at the door startled them apart. Standing in the doorway was Remus, staring at them with wide eyes. Luke felt like his heart had stopped.

“Remus.”

“Um. Hi.”

Remus stood there awkwardly, not moving. He looked truly surprised, Luke noted as he studied his face and desperately tried to control his own pounding heart. As his breathing began to slow, he noticed Saint had stepped nearly to the other side of the room, seemingly trying to put as much space between them as he possibly could. Luke tried not to feel offended by it; it’s not like they could pretend they weren’t just making out thirty seconds ago.

“What’re you doing here?”

“I was coming to get you. We were supposed to leave five minutes ago? The party, remember?”

“I remember,” Luke replied faintly, still grappling with the sudden change.

Luke had known Remus would find out eventually, had known he really should have told him back when it first started. Remus was his best friend after all, they trusted each other with almost everything. Almost. Some things gave him pause though, not because of Remus but because of himself. It was hard to trust someone completely, was something Luke had learned when his father had been arrested. You never truly knew everything about a person.

“So…” Remus started awkwardly. “Are you two like, together or…?”

“Um,” coughed Luke. “Something like that.”

Saint stayed eerily quiet. Luke glanced over at him quickly, finding his face stony and pale. It was uncharacteristic of him, and a bit disconcerting to see that vibrant color drained from his face.

“Oh well, uh. Good for you, I guess.”

“Could you give us a minute?” Luke asked, gaze flitting back to Saint. Remus watched him warily for a second but he nodded and left, shutting the door quietly behind him. Luke had the fleeting thought that he was only going to listen through the wall, but he pushed it from his mind. Remus wasn’t like that.

Luke turned to Saint, stepping cautiously toward him the way one might approach a spooked horse. “You alright?” he asked softly.

Saint’s gaze snapped to his, icy cold for only a single moment. Then his face crumbled. He said nothing, simply stepped closer to Luke and pulled him in, wrapping him in a tight embrace. Luke’s eyes slipped shut and he felt Saint lean into him. He took the weight silently, nuzzling against Saint’s neck and breathing in the familiar smell of sea salt and fresh air.

He didn’t pull back until Saint did, cradling his face in gentle hands and looking into those lost hazel eyes.

“It’s just Remus, remember?”

Saint sniffled. “Damn you Tweedle.”

Luke smiled. “Come on.” He held out his hand and, surprisingly, Saint took it. They headed for the door and, when Luke opened it, Remus was waiting on the other side.

“I’m sorry,” Luke blurted out then, surprising even himself. If possible, Remus’ eyes grew wider.

“What are you sorry for?”

“Not telling you.”

Remus sighed. “It’s… I mean, do I wish you would have told me? Yeah. Am I gonna make you tell me everything? No. Besides, I’d be a bit of a hypocrite if I did.” He swallowed hard. “There’s something you should know.”

“About you and Sirius, I know,” Luke interrupted, wanting to stop the terrified look on his friend’s face. It seemed that fear didn’t go away, even with those you were closest to.

“You know?”

“Yeah. Well. Saint told me. I wouldn’t have figured it out.”

Remus’ gaze shifted to Saint, who just smirked and shrugged as if to say ‘what can I say, you aren’t subtle’. At least, that’s what Luke got out of it.

“Oh. Well uh… guess that makes this night a bit easier then.”

“Guess it does.”

Saint sighed long-sufferingly, that indifferent mask fixed back on. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, let’s go.”

Luke couldn’t help a small smile, but it hurt his heart that Saint felt the need to pretend around everyone, even their friends. It was true that Remus was more his friend than Saint’s, but they had gotten closer over the past few months. On occasion, Saint had even been polite. But Luke should have known that wouldn’t be enough. Saint didn’t trust people, didn’t open up to them. He still found it miraculous Saint ever opened up to him.

“Luke, you coming?” Remus asked, and Luke glanced up to see both him and Saint standing at the top of the stairs waiting for him.

“Yeah.”

Luke grabbed Saint’s hand again as they headed down the stairs towards the front door, squeezing gently. Saint glanced at him curiously, once. But he didn’t say anything, and he didn’t pull away.

When they reached the first floor, Remus headed outside without a second thought, but Luke paused, pulling Saint towards him.

“Hey,” he whispered, Saint falling against him. Their lips met, just a brush of a kiss, before Luke pulled back again to look at Saint fully. “Are you okay? Truthfully.”

Saint smiled Luke’s favorite smile. “I’m fine.”

“Good.”

With another gentle kiss, Luke let Saint go and followed him outside into the cool night air to where Remus was waiting.

#st. tweedle #coming out to remus #accidentally #but it's cute #and awkward #cause they're idiots #and i don't know conversation #i'm nd what can i say #relic keel #lumosinlove

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horansqueen · 4 years

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You & Me : chapter 29

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.8k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: id love your feedbacks now that theyre happy together and id love to know what you think will happen of what you want to happen so if you read these notes please tell me!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : 4 requests! :) thank you so much!

Chapter 29 : His chapter

NIALL

I kept glancing at her as I drove and I couldn't take that stupid smile off of my lips. Her hair was dancing around her head, sometimes tickling my arm, cheek and neck, and it didn't bother me at all. In fact, I enjoyed it. She put her hand out of the window as it moved in waves because of the wind and the speed of the car on the high way and I loved watching her. She was wearing her stupid heart shaped sunglasses but they were new because these had purple tinted glasses, unlike the pink ones she used to have, and the smell of honey and vanilla reached my nose from time to time. I loved it. I loved her. She looked stunning in the golden hour and despite everything we had been through, at that exact moment, I was so fucking happy I could start flying.

She reached for the volume when one of my songs came on and I laughed as she started singing loud. The smile she was wearing told me I was not the only happy person in this car and I started singing with her, tapping on the wheel as she moved her upper body with the music. When the song was over I felt her reach for my thigh and she squeezed it a bit before turning the volume down again and leaning back against the seat. I could feel her gaze on my side and I was wondering what was burning my skin more : her eyes, or the setting sun hitting on my other cheek?

"Was this song written for a specific one night stand or was it just general?"

"Slow Hands?" I asked, raising my eyebrows before chuckling. "Who says I didn't write it about you?"

"Pretty sure you wrote it when we were not together anymore." she said with a frown.

"No!" I quickly replied after trying to imitate the sound of a 'wrong answer' buzzer from a tv quiz. "I started it when we were together. I just didn't really plan to add it to the album but I ended up thinking that album needed a bit more grit, i wanted something a bit more.. daring?"

She raised her eyebrows as I exited the high way and replaced her hair quickly without much success. It was adorable and I loved it a lot but I didn't mention it.

"That's daring alright. Are you talking about your fingertips or mine?" she asked with a chuckle, making me laugh.

"You decide!"

She chuckled again and I could swear she also rolled her eyes but it was hard to see because of her sunglasses. I parked a bit farther on the road and her eyes left me to look by her window. She shook her head before looking back at me and smiling.

"What?"

"I don't know, I'm always amazed at the number of beaches we can drive by here." she shrugged. "I'm just not used to it."

"You like it?"

She licked her lips and shrugged a bit, glancing down and then looking up at me. "I guess, yea. But I miss London. All the time."

I moved my own glasses up on my head and she took hers off, tilting her head and sending me a soft smile. It was a stupid thought, but at that moment, I felt the need to say it.

"You can always find your home in me." I let out, reaching for her hands and squeezing them. "You're mine, too. You're my home."

Her traits softened and she slowly moved closer, holding herself with both hands on one of my thighs before her lips reached mine. She kissed me softly and I didn't try to deepen the kiss, I just enjoyed the way he lips pressed gently but firmly against mine.

"You're my home too." she whispered, letting her eyes fall down to my laps after moving slightly away. "Unzip your pants."

"Excuse me what?" I asked with a nervous chuckle.

"Unzip your pants." she repeated without skipping a beat.

"I parked here for a walk on the beach, not for.. whatever you had planned." I explained, raising my eyebrows.

"You're not gonna say no to a blowjob twice in a row will you?" she asked, losing her smile but I could still see how amused she was in her eyes. "I'm gonna start doubting my skills."

The left corner of my lips raised and I unzipped my pants, my eyes never leaving hers. Of course I was not going to say no but damn I just hoped we wouldn't get caught. Her lips curled into a big smile before she quickly bend down. It took her half a second to have her lips around my cock and my hand gripped the wheel tight as the leather made an annoying noise. I could feel myself grow hard fast and I whimpered low. She took my dick completely in her mouth and I let out a low 'Jesus Christ' when I felt her fingers play with my balls. I looked around to see if anyone was getting closer and finally blinked a few times, looking down at her head moving up and down on me. I pushed her hair out of the way to see her better and pressed my lips together, feeling one of my legs shake. She normally goes slow and makes sure I can feel her lips on my tip, under my foreskin and down to my balls but this time, she just went fast and hard, letting the tip of my cock hit the back of her throat every time she could. I gripped her hair and licked my lips before they parted.

"Don't move, I'm gonna cum."

Quickly, I moved my hips up and down, thrusting my cock in and out of her mouth fast and hard until my eyes closed and my grip tightened.

"Holy f-, swallow it." I whispered without thinking, only half a second before I felt myself cum hard in her mouth.

I pushed her more on my cock as I felt an intense orgasm hit me like a wave and when I let go of her head, she took my dick out of her mouth but let her tongue run on the length before moving down to my balls and sucking on one. I felt my cock twitch and let out a groan as I heard her chuckle.

I quickly put my cock back in my pants when she moved her head up and the smirk she was sending me made my heart skip a beat.

"You came so fast!" she laughed, making me grimace.

"Shut up! You went so hard on my cock how was I supposed not to cum?"

I could have delayed my orgasm but I didn't see the point, especially since we were in a public place, but I didn't mention it. Of course, it made me nervous to get caught, but at the same time, the thrill was amazing.

"Do you still want to go on the beach?" I suggested, trying to talk about something else, before she nodded.

We both got out of the car and I grabbed my cap, putting it on my head and reaching my hand out for hers. She looked at it for a few seconds and stopped walking before looking up in my eyes. Something stirred in my stomach when she shook her head slightly and my arm fell back on my side. Ouch.

"You just sucked my cock in the car but you don't want to hold my hand?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "No one will recognize us, no one cares!"

I didn't want to be rude but I couldn't pretend her behavior didn't hurt me a bit. I was normally the one who didn't want affection display in public whenever I was in a relationship but I never understood how the girls I dated could feel when I said that. Now, I had a good idea.

"I thought we... agreed that we would just.." she stopped herself and shook her head with a sigh. "I'm sorry Niall, i'm not ready for that, and you don't want that either. You hate PDA remember?"

My traits softened and I sighed, nodding slowly.

"I'm sorry, you're right, and I shouldn't have been so rude."

She licked her lips and after a few seconds, she followed me and we walked side by side on the beach with a small breeze against us. I kept glancing at her and after a while, I felt her fingers brush against mine.

"I love you, you know?" she said in a low tone, making me turn my head her way completely.

"I know, I love you too, I'm sorry, Olivia."

"I'm just.. I'm scared, Niall. Last time ended so badly, and now we're so happy. I don't want things to get bad after we make it official. I don't want what we have to vanish or even falter. I want this to last, and right now, it works, so, why risk it?"

I understood what she meant even if technically, it didn't really make sense, but I was pretty sure she knew that. I sat quickly in the sand, my knees up and holding myself with my elbows slightly behind myself, half laying down. She smiled and sat next to me in the same position, except she spread her legs out and crossed her ankles together. She was wearing soft black pants and her ridiculously dirty rainbow converse and I liked it without even knowing why.

"Okay, would you rather be always 10 minutes late or 20 minutes early?"

I raised my eyebrows and smiled slightly when I recognized the game. We used to always play that game when we were younger but as the years went by, the questions changed, and the answers too.

"20 minutes early, of course!" I frowned with a chuckle. "That was easy. Okay my turn. Would you rather have whatever you are thinking to appear above your head for everyone to see orrrrrr have absolutely everything you do live streamed for anyone to see?"

"That's an absolute shitty question." she complained. "Anything I think about appear above my head. That would imply a lot of people seeing your cock, though."

I let out a loud laughter and turned to her. "Are you thinking about my cock right now?"

"Of course!" she replied quickly. "Can't you see it above my head?"

We laughed together and she licked her lips.

"Mm, would you rather have edible spaghetti hair that regrows every night orrrr, sweat maple syrup."

I grimaced and shook my head. "This is horrible. Sweat maple syrup I guess."

"I guess I'd lick your armpits all the time, then." she shrugged, bringing a smirk to my lips.

"Oh I know you'd do it even now." I pointed out. I could swear I saw her cheeks turn a soft shade or red and chuckled. "You love my armpits. One time you literally put your face there and kissed it."

"That was an accident." she blatantly lied. " I was trying to kiss your... your shoulder."

"Liar. I was smelly too, I was just back from the gym." I added, knowing I was embarrassing her even more.

"Okay, Niall, your turn now!"

I laughed as I stared at her and finally pressed my lips together, trying to find a good question.

"Would you rather... have 10 orgasms every time you have sex but they're not that good, or just one every week but a fucking strong one."

"That's a horrible question and I'm sorry but I'm gonna go for the fucking strong one." she shrugged with a grimace. "I would be so annoying all week though, you wouldn't be able to live with me. I'd hump you all the time."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "How often do you masturbate?"

Her eyes roamed on my face and she pressed her lips together, trying not to smile too much.

"Normally maybe, twice a day?" she just replied with a shrug. "These days, though, I don't. You're the only one who makes me cum."

I turned to her and sent her a big happy smile that she sent back.

"I would kiss you right now." I pointed out, making her smile too.

"I would kiss you back."

We stared at each other for a while and she finally looked away, turning her head to the water for a few minutes as the sun was disappearing into the horizon. I knew we should get up and leave to find a place to sleep but I didn't want to.

"Would you rather marry a 10 with a boring personality, or a 6 with an amazing personality." she let out, turning her head to send me a smile again. "Choose wisely."

"You're not asking this about yourself, right? Because you're not a 6."

"You're right, i'm a 4, at best. No wait, Heidi said a 3, right?"

"You're still thinking about that?" I asked in a lower and soft tone before she shrugged and turned again to the water. "You really shouldn't. She was just jealous."

"Heidi isn't jealous of anyone. What she says, she means." Liv pointed out. "You know, just because I know you're out of my league doesn't mean I'm not confident, or that I hate myself. I know society's beauty standards and I don't fit in. I never will. You do though." she pointed out, turning to me. "You've always been the pretty boy, the one everyone liked and wanted to be around. I was never jealous I was fucking mesmerized. Because you were my best friend and no one else's. You had picked me."

"I'm still picking you. I'm choosing you every single day, Olivia." I pointed out, sitting up and crossing my legs, looking down at my hands. "And you have no idea how many girls I flirted with that turned me down." I chuckled. "Before I was famous and even now. You could be surprised."

"That's because you seem to always fall for stupid fucking bitches. You always choose them for what they physically look like. You never try to see deeper because for you, everyone is good. But it's not true. Not everyone is good, Niall. Some people will just use you and throw you away when they're done. Some people will pick you because you're rich and famous, and some other won't pick you because you're not glamorous enough. Why do you think Heidi wanted to date you so bad but was totally okay to let you sleep with one of her best friends?"

I looked up and frowned. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"Gia Christenson? That's literally the only friend Heidi has left, yet she sent her to flirt with you at that bar when we were dating? She gave her your number so she could send you nudes when we were camping? And you literally ended up sleeping with her a few weeks before you started dating Heidi?"

My lips parted slightly but I shook my head. No, Heidi hadn't done all that just so I would break up with Olivia, that was impossible. I didn't want to believe that someone could ever do that. To anyone. I was not such a bad judge of character.

"No I mean, it's a coincidence."

"It's not. And I'm not blaming her for our break up. She didn't force you do to anything, she didn't point a gun to your head either. But when you started dating her I couldn't help but think that she had gotten exactly what she wanted and I had lost."

"And now?"

"Now?" she asked, raising her eyebrows as she turned to look in my eyes with a sad smile. "Now I'm just not playing anymore."

We kept quiet again, just listening to the waves and feeling the slightly cooler breeze hit our cheeks. It felt amazing to be here, alone, with her, but her words kept resonating in my head. Was I that oblivious?

"I don't want to marry a 6 or a 10, no matter what their personalities are." I finally just replied with a shrug. "I want to marry you. No number. Just you."

The way she smiled at me and tilted her head, I knew she liked my answer, but I kept quiet and after a while, she got up and I followed her back to the car. The sun was gone and the sky was dark but I drove to the first motel I saw and grabbed our bags before putting my sunglasses back on.

"I'll give my name." she just said as we reached the counter.

I smiled a bit and nodded before she asked for a room, gave her name and paid for it. I stayed behind her slightly and finally followed her to our room as she opened it and let me in. I dropped everything near the bed and when I turned around she was locking the door behind us.

"How much do I owe you?" I asked, putting my hands on my waist.

"Nothing, I got my check." she giggled, making me raise my eyebrows. "The number on it was astronomical, I almost came just looking at my bank account."

"Okay but this is literally a suite." I pointed out, making her roll her eyes.

"A suite in a motel I mean who cares?" she rolled her eyes, sitting on the bed.

I walked to her and bent down to kiss her lips as her hands found my cheeks. I had wanted to kiss her for hours and feeling her lips on mine after that long felt incredible.

"You want to add more fluids to these dirty bed sheets?" she asked with a smirk, making me grimace before she started laughing hard. "I'm just kidding! I'm sure these are extremely clean."

"Yea not so sure anymore."

She got up and tilted her chin up to look at me. Instinctively, my arms wrapped around her waist and I pulled her closer to kiss her gently.

"Maybe we could sleep on the floor?" I proposed in a low tone, half-joking.

"The floor is probably even worse." she mentioned just as low before chuckling. "Come on, I'll fill the bath for us. I saw it on the brochure and it looks incredible."

"For a motel room suite, maybe." I complained as she moved away.

I heard her laugh again and opened one of my bags to get some comfortable clothes for both of us, leaving the sweatpants and shirts on top of my luggage. I finally grabbed my phone and looked at all the notifications popping up with a grimace. I deleted all of them and went to check my contacts. I clicked on Heidi's name and picked the 'delete' option before doing the same with Gia and a few other girls. I was not really sure who they were, probably because they were insignificant to me, and threw my phone on the bed just as she was calling me. When I stepped foot in the bathroom, the bath was filled and the lights were dimmed, which surprised me a bit, considering what kind of motel we were in.

I looked at her sitting in the bath, definitely naked but all I could see was her breasts out of the water and slightly covered with foam. I could still see her nipples and I groaned.

"Can't believe you didn't wait for me to get undressed."

She shrugged and smiled. "Your turn. Take your clothes off."

Quickly, I took my shirt off and laughed when I noticed the way she was looking at me. She didn't say a word and I took my pants, boxers and socks off before joining her. The bath was large enough and I sat in front of her, grabbing one of her feet and massaging it gently, my thumbs pressing against her sole.

"Mm, don't stop." she whispered making me laugh as she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the side of the bath. "I didn't expect that but this is amazing. Oh, and there's a beer behind you. Thought you'd enjoy."

I grabbed the bottle with one hand and she immediately started shaking her foot to get my attention back.

"You’re so needy."

"Shut up and keep going." she just replied, making me roll my eyes, a small smile still on my lips.

We remained in silence for a while, just enjoying the warm water and the presence of each other, but after a while, my mind went from blank to filled with questions and I breathed in.

"What are we, Olivia?"

She moved her head up and her eyes opened, meeting mine. She seemed a bit taken aback by my question but she shook her head a bit before tilting it.

"We're... two best friends who... love each other, and fuck more than occasionally." she proposed slowly, raising her shoulders up. "I guess."

"What if I want you to be my girlfriend, Olivia? What do I have to do for that?"

She breathed in and out slowly, still looking at me, and took her foot back. I thought she was mad but she moved in the water and got closer, placing her knees on each sides of me and sitting on my thighs. She looked down at my chest, bringing warm water on my shoulders and sighing before looking back up in my eyes.

"I love you, Niall. I'm in love with you. I want to date or fuck no one but you." she confessed in a very low tone. "But I'm not ready. And I don't know when I'll be. Or if I'll ever be."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and frowned a bit. "So we may never get back together?"

Her face changed and she licked her lips. "Shit happens, so we never know? I want to, and I'm trying. But I can't promise anything. It's too stressful for me. Can we just.. live today? You're going on tour, I'm about to film again and... we'll both be extra busy. We can have that discussion again after your tour?"

"My tour literally ends in september, Liv." I pointed out. "That's in over 7 months. What will happen if we don't see each other for weeks?"

Her eyes roamed on my face and she licked her lips again, as if she was trying to find the courage to talk again. "I'll do everything I can to come see you every time I have a few days off. You can come back here whenever you have a break, too. We can talk every day, text each other, facetime each other. It's not our first time apart, and... I know it'll probably be the hardest but if we want to make this work, we will, right?"

I stared at her, unsure if it was really possible but I swallowed. I wanted it so bad, whether we were official or not, and I was going to do everything I could to make this, whatever it was, work.

"I'm not gonna date, fuck or even see anyone else." she added. "Just you. I sort of expect the same from you although I can't force you but... if you decide you don't want to be exclusive I want to know who you... who else you're gonna have sex with, please? I'm honestly just scared of what an official relationship will do to us. The girlfriend and boyfriend title is just.. too big for me. For now." she paused. "Okay?"

"Okay." I whispered, nodding but feeling like shit.

She slipped her fingers in my hair and pressed her lips gently against mine.

"I love you." she murmured before kissing my cheekbone. "I love you." she repeated, kissing my jaw. "So fucking much." Her lips brushed against my neck. "More than anything." She went back to my lips. "I'm in love with you." I closed my eyes as she peppered kisses slowly and gently on my face and neck until my shoulders fell and I relaxed.

I felt her bring water over my shoulders again and she let her hands run on my chest, moving up on her knees. I kept my eyes closed until I heard a whimper escaping her lips and when I opened my eyes again, she was biting her bottom lip. I wanted to tell her that the song I had written was about marriage and that all I could think about since we went to that stupid wedding was how bad I wanted her to be my wife. It was ridiculous, knowing that I was not 100% in the relationship when we dated and that I was now in this 150% and we weren't even dating. I couldn't tell her that, though. Not after she had just told me she didn't want pressure and stress. Not after she had told me that she needed time and that she was not ready. But the words got stuck in my throat and I swallowed them hard.

"You okay?"

"Mmhm." I just replied, bringing one of my hands between her legs as I stared in her eyes.

She stiffened and finally bit her bottom lip as I slipped two fingers inside her, moving them in a fair rhythm and make her hips jerk slightly. I knew we were having a serious conversation but I was on the verge of spilling all my thoughts and feelings to her and I had no idea how to stop myself from doing that except by making her cum. I brought my thumb to her clit and stared at her seriously as her lips parted.

"Niall, I think we should wait until we get out of t-the bath." she let out in a mix of whimper and whisper. "I bought something special, just for you."

"Tomorrow. Today I'm just gonna watch you fuck yourself on my fingers." I argued as I kept brushing her clit with my thumb. Then I'm gonna finish my beer, I'll kiss you, wrap a towel around you and bring you in bed, and we'll talk in the dark the way we used to always do."

She reached for my wrist and stopped me for a few seconds. "Are you gonna sing something to me?"

I breathed in and nodded. "Any song you want. As many times as you want."

It took her a few seconds to nod and I reached for her hand, moving it away from my wrist as I started rubbing her clit again. "Come on, pet, do it now."

She started moving slowly up and down on my fingers and after a few minutes, I could feel her throb around me. The sight was amazing but I couldn't help myself and wrapped my free arm around her to bring her breasts close to my face. I ran my tongue on one of her nipples before sucking on it as she let out a louder moan. She started shaking and I felt her pussy clench around my fingers. I looked down at my fingers disappearing inside her and groaned low.

"Fuck I love your pretty little fanny. So fucking wet all the fucking time."

She started shaking and watching her body quiver from an orgasm was the most incredibly hot thing I have ever seen in my life. She came down from her high and I took my fingers out before she sat back on me and her mouth found mine again.

"You didn't tell me." she whispered, kissing me hard again. "Are you gonna see other girls while we're away? You're going to meet a few on tour..."

I grabbed her waist and pulled her away to look into her eyes and I could read in hers that she felt bad for asking me, almost scared of my answer. I wished she knew how I felt. I wished she knew I wouldn't do anything that could risk hurting her again, and I knew that just telling her wouldn't mean she'd believe me.

"You're all I think about. You're all I care about. Nothing feels good without you. I told you. That year without you was the most miserable of my entire life, Olivia. I have no desire to be with anyone else. So no, I'm not gonna see anyone. I'm not gonna kiss anyone. I'm not gonna fuck anyone. I'm not even going to flirt with anyone because I just don't give a fuck about anyone else."

"This is gonna work." she whispered, trying to convince both of us. "This distance thing I mean. We'll do it right."

"We will." I confirmed with a smile. "And every single night, I'm gonna sing about you."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #my fanfics #yam

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thegeminisage · 5 years

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on a lighter note 4.10 is probably one of my favorite episodes in the entire series...i did re-stan arthur for like ten minutes near the end...it was So Good. a cut because i talked for so long about how good it is:

first of all i love that the episode opens with everyone giving elyan shit not because i dislike elyan (i love him he does not deserve to be the butt of jokes) but because i like that as far as this group of guys goes their primary form of affection is roasting each other. that’s toxic masculinity! it’s also a little charming

when i first watched this episode i thought the reason arthur looked so spooked at the shrine was that it was spooky and potentially magic and he’s not down with magic. rewatching it now that i Know has me screaming into my hands!!! when he first catches sight of it he looks as though he’s seen a ghost and watching his slow creeping recognition is like. mm. really good. good stuff

(as an aside: i’m not talking about it: but if i was: merlin calling arthur nothing but sire during this ENTIRE EPISODE as a form of rebellion because he’s still pissed about gwen is a whole ass mood. i have never loved merlin so much as i did when he was gwen’s only friend and stuck up for her and stuck his neck out for her REPEATEDLY despite knowing it could cost him)

gwaine talking about salt circles made me nostalgic for a different show :’)

arthur with stew in his hair is what he deserves

i was VERY MAD AT HIM for this WHOLE EPISODE so when (possessed) elyan was trying to kill him i was all YEAH BABE CMON GO RIGHT FOR THE NECK but then arthur USED HIS FOOTSTOOL AS A SHIELD and effectively fought off an ARMED ATTACKER while TOTALLY WEAPONLESS. it’s so under-appreciated there aren’t even gifs of it (i know, i looked, i would kill for some). it’s one of the coolest fight scenes in this entire series despite only being 20 seconds long. my love for arthur pendragon returned with a vengeance and i had a good bit of difficulty shoving it back down

elyan’s buddies all tracking him down and tricking him into surrendering peacefully only for percival to punch him in the face to knock him out. GUUUYSSS come on

merlin like straight up weeping upon witnessing the BRUTAL GENOCIDE that “uther” committed there 20 years ago is like...jesus FUCKING christ. they went SO hard.

ok so do we all remember in 2.08 when arthur tried to kill his dad (changed my life......) in the throne room or dining room or wherever that is and uther would only block and not strike back because arthur’s rage was just and true?? WELL PARALLELS because now arthur’s the one blocking and not attacking and i know a lot of it is because he didn’t wanna hurt elyan but also in my heart it’s partially because that little kid’s beef with him was LEGIT!!! and i think part of him realized. we even had merlin running up there to put a stop to it and arthur begging him to stop because he didn’t wanna kill him

i think the plot twist at the end of this episode (that it’s arthur, NOT uther, who was responsible for the slaughter of children at the druid camp) was really good and it makes for a very interesting second watch. case in point: arthur’s face when merlin and gaius are explaining to him that the spirit seeks revenge and the only way to save elyan’s life is to atone. very haunting: merlin says that uther is dead, and he can never atone for what he did now. unspoken: arthur’s NOT dead, not yet, and he CAN.

also interesting: merlin’s attempts to comfort arthur fall flat. “you can’t be held responsible for everything your father did” gets a dark look and a quick dismissal. it’s because merlin doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about

it’s a REALLY interesting dynamic swap because usually merlin is the one keeping his secrets close while arthur unknowingly blunders around in the dark trying to guess at what he’s thinking...with this, it’s the other way around, and i gotta say, arthur’s poker face is MUCH better than merlin’s. when he stews on something he stews on it hard. none of merlin’s horsing around and playing the fool and barely scraping by with dumb luck for arthur: he’s a WALL. maybe this is just the arthur stan in me but it makes getting a look at what’s going on in there SO much more gratifying

i know how this sounds, but i almost wonder if arthur didn’t give merlin extra chores on purpose - the extra chores were why he was up so late, and why he saw arthur slipping out of the castle in a cloak...this is far from the first time merlin’s followed him, and far from the first time merlin would witness him totally losing his shit emotionally (2.08 babey), so maybe arthur was scared of going back by himself and didn’t know how to explain the whole thing and ask for the company because toxic masculinity, and it was easier to just set merlin up to do what he naturally does best: be a nosy little shit

evidence: he catches on to merlin’s tailing him VERY quickly (was he looking out for him?) and doesn’t seem at all surprised or angry that he’s there, nor does he order merlin to go back (his exact words are “feel free to go back to camelot anytime you like”) - if you watch very VERY carefully, you can also see his expression shift just a little after merlin states his intention to tag along - there’s just the barest hint of a smile

arthur looks SO SPOOKED walking back into this shrine. it’s so good. he gets real intense

merlin also sort of shifts his weight back after arthur confesses to his checkered past as a WAR CRIMINAL and like...wow

this dynamic. arthur is kind of afraid of magic and merlin is kind of afraid of arthur’s reaction to his magic. and when i say “kind of” what i mean is they’re scared shitless of each other despite trusting each other implicitly. it’s a lot for me. it’s my favorite dynamic in the entire world

i restanned arthur for this section because he was SO GOOD. he’s really actually quite scared of dying (in the opener for s4 he was really troubled by his supposed upcoming doom and in this he lowkey starts to hyperventilate when he thinks the druid kid is about to kill him) but he’s always jumping at the chance to lay down his life anyway - they say atone to save elyan, he fucking atones, even if he has to die for it

AAAAH his whole SPEECH he was YOUNG AND INEXPERIENCED he was TRYING TO PROVE HIMSELF TO HIS DAD he can STILL HEAR THE SCREAMS hes NEVER GONNA LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN god im gonna LOSE MY MIND

like i said aloud going into this “i am still so mad at him he better display some top-tier empathy if he wants out of the doghouse” BUT HE DID...MY BOY...

also i feel like this hug from this kid he GOT KILLED is maybe only the 8th time he’s ever been hugged in his whole entire life

am not a big fan of merlin giving him shit about his lil moment in the end but like also...maybe he was just trying to cheer him up...the way Men do...i hurt

anyway this is like the first sign we’ve seen since arthur’s coronation that maybe he isn’t going to be totally anti-magic like uther forever...the first sign we’ve seen that he truly is anti-genocide...it’s true atonement and it’s Good

and not to give the writers this much credit but in my heart the reason he was so adamant to save that little druid kid (mordred) in season 1?? was because of this, the dead druid children weighing on his conscience. also gives new weight to the very brief scene in i think the s3 finale where he held his sword to a druid kid’s neck in exchange for the cup of life, and maybe explains a little bit why he looked so fucking spooked in there. no they didn’t do it on purpose but why ignore something that’s so good even if it is accidental THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT

#personal #merlin blogging #the short version of this is that somehow i stan arthur more after they revealed he's a war criminal. fantastic #sometimes i even stan him very much against my will. horrible!!#liz's meta #liz's merlin stuff #liz makes stuff

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ecotone99 · 5 years

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[FN] void lasagna - dream journal pt.1

I was at a party… a teenage party…

Can’t remember but vague faces… these people I know but at the same time not.

Oh right, I was at space… or is it just that the windows had a sticker with a thousand stars? No, No I was really at space

And I was also drunk… No I was just tipsy

Just tipsy I swear; had only one can of uhhh whatever that was.

The walls had the same color: light white and the carpet was almost made out of wool with a skin like color.

There were circles of people everywhere and they were talking…or trying to talk under all this music… I was also talking in a circle…I think…

where were we ?

oh yes… the void lasagna…

The rules were simple, you have to finish it to the LAST bite… and it’s not lethal…

No one knows what it was or where it came from or who even brought it in this party but we all somehow instinctively knew these two rules…

It was not even lasagna, sometimes it was bread and sometimes it was potatoes…

We gathered around with spoons… some drunk some not…

We took a bite and look each other in the eyes waiting for it to take effect

A minute passed…

“Anything?” someone asked

“Anything?” I replied

wait…

“Anything?” I repeated

wait wait what ?

“Anything?” he asked again

“ANYTHING?” I replied

what the fuck ? I thought I replied

“Anything?” another one asked

aah I see... so that’s what it does

I lift my finger signaling him to stop talking and he did… I think he, too, experienced what just happened… I think we all did.

after a while I said “you guys okay?”

YESS! I can speak again

“JESUS THAT’S CRAZY!” someone said “ROUND TWO BABY”

“Careful !” a girl told him “you have to understand what’s going on as quickly as possible or the lasagna will know you…”

“okay fine” he replied

We took another bite and immediately after I said “ hey, let’s turn off the music so we can focus”

“okay” someone said and left looking for the speakers while we waited.

there were other people at the party who seemed to ignore us or act like it’s just another group trying void lasagna leave’em.

“hey guys can you turn the music down ?” I tried getting their attention only to get someone yelling “NO” from the distance

whatever, our guy will stop the music.

a second passed and he returned “where are the speakers ?” he asked

“are you deaf, just look for where the music becomes lowder, dummy” a drunk girl replied she seemed to really enjoy the music

“okay” he left.

a second passed and he returned again looking shy “can uhhh someone help me find them” he smirked awkwardly

“jesus who invited this baby” the drunk girl barely stood up and accompanied him

a secone passed and they both retured “where the fuck is the speakers ?”

we all stood up and looked for them. there were no speakers… the sound just existed and uniformly distributed…

this has to be the effect

“we wait I guess” I said

“till when ?” someone replied

“I don’t know for a minute like the last round” I replied

we waited till the music returned back to normal distribution.

“I think it’s over” I said

“shall we look for the speakers now ?” the drunk girl asked

“yeah” someone replied

we looked for it again… yet we didn’t find it

“I think we’re in its world now” someone said

“let’s go for round three” I was worried

we took a bite and immediately after a mirror appeared above us.

the mirror showed a parallel universe… I guess

our reflected images were inverted so I could see myself on the other side of the group and the reflection above me is someone else

but whenever I moved, the reflection moved too

A-am I him ?

I think I’m him…

my name is…

my name changed

wait… my name have always been like this…

I…

I have a job… a wife and kids…

well then why was- …

huh ?

I thoug-

suddenly it seemed clear to me

it IS the effect !

I have to wake them all up

I slapped the girl beside me and suddenly the mirror breaks

so it’s like a spell that needs to be broken

“guys we need only not to figure out what is happening, we also need t-“ I was interrupted

“The thing is alive” some guy said

“what? How di- how did you know?” I asked

“I…. I just know” he replied “I have always knew…”

“Jesus okay open your phones... we need to read its Wikipedia…” said a guy

I opened my phone but there were no Wikipedia: just a bunch of articles…

I scroll through and find nothing like what we were experiencing…

“anyone got anything ?” I said

“no… just a bunch of articles” some guy replied

“what the fuck ?” I cried “I thought this thing is trending how the fuck there is no search results”

“I thought so too” a girl replied

“Maybe it made us think so ?” a guy replied

“That’s…. horrible” a guy commented

“What do we trust anymore ?” I said “this was a bad idea”

“No no don’t worry it’s not lethal” a girl replied

“How do you know ?” I replied

“I know two friends who played it and made it all the way through” she replied

“And how do we know this fact is real ? not just some info the thing put into your mind ?”

“….” she went silent

“what were their names ?” another girl asked

“uhhhh….” she went silent again “I can’t remember”

“jesus Christ... does anyone here remember what their name is ?” the girl asked again

“yeah I’m Linda” a girl replied

“and I’m percy” a guy replied

“I can’t remember mine” some guy replied

“your name is Avril” Linda reminded him

“No that’s not Avril, that Alex” some guy corrected

“no, man… Avril the guy with dreads” Linda replied

“OKAY SHUT UP” a guy cried “let’s just continue… this is supposed to be enjoyable for fuck’s sake”

We looked at each other... sighed and took another bite.

Suddenly someone slapped me hard!

I looked around to find them but they weren’t there

I thought I was imagining but we zoned out for a moment we almost forgot we were at a party.

And we realized people are around us and the music was loud… I also realized I was tipsy and hazy from the alcohol… we were sitting down all along

We look around for a moment absorbing what is going on and some even stood up and wandered briefly before coming back.

“Yeah I think it’s harmless… it was just messing with us” Alex said

“Let’s just check before continuing” Linda said

“No no let’s just get over with it” Alex replied “look it’s harmless we just have to finish it all for this to wear off”

“Yeah I agree” I said

I don’t know what I was thinking

It’s human nature to assume danger

“Listen, man… the void lasagna is supposed to be enjoyable… it’s just like acid… you need to relax if you don’t want a bad trip” a guy said

“He makes sense” I agreed “let’s just go… it’s just a party”

Linda looked worried but kinda reassured…

“hey look it’s even one last bite” I said

so we hurried and put it in our mouths

we waited

and waited

“anything ?” I said and they shook their heads

I looked to my right but it seemed to be infinite

my neck was too fucking big it took me a minute to turn right… or was I that small ?

WAIT IM MOVING IN SLOW MOTION !

oh god

they are my reflexes… they are too fast

“guys?” I said and I pronounced it normally “I think im moving in slomo”

they were moving normally

I looked around

“GUYS?” I heard a very deep sound

it’s coming from me !

“ I THINK IM MOVING IN SLOMO”

it’s my lips!

what is going on they are moving normally ?

“relax you are fine” the girl besides me told me

I looked but she wasn’t moving her lips

I focus and saw her having hundreds of arms behind her… she was moving foreward without leaving her place… like a lens effect…

and thousands of polygons and geometric shapes came out of her eyes.

I try to rub my eyes and I felt like I missed a second on time because I was on the ground…

I only saw hazy figures and mixed sounds

my….. heartbeat…..

it got very slow I could even feel the nerve signals

one last long breath

before I gave up

and suddenly I got slapped back to reality with a huge gasp

and first thing I noticed: everyone else was on the ground and there’s a crowd around us with their phones at us.

we all woke up at the same time and got followed by cheers.

“we made it ?” I whispered

“WE MADE IT” alex cried “FUCK YEAAAAAAH”

“wait how do we make sure ?” linda replied

“I JUST KNOW” he shouted “CAN WE HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR A MOMENT?”

“no for real how do we know. ?” I was drunk… now I’m not

“open your phone, honey” a guy from the crowd said “the wikipedia should be there”

it was

and it said the PCL (aka: void lasagna) tends to conceal any memories or knowledge of itself.

“but what if this all is a part of its scenario?” linda said

it also said that PCL’s side effects were temporal paranoia

“you know that there is another level, right ? the lasagna marks you and when you try it again, it fucks with you real bad this time” a veteran from the crowd said “ and if you’re smart enough, you will find a pattern in all this randomness”

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