#also i've noticed... or at least i've found myself in this specific situation multiple times

[humanransome-note]

i think we need to bring the word "ballad" back into conversations about music. cause some songs are just vibes, or expressions of emotions (The Summoning- Sleep Token, yes horny is an emotion, What a Time to be Alive- Fall Out Boy, most top 40 last time i checked are just vibes, but its been a while since ive checked.)

But then you have songs with actual narratives in them, and I think that distinction needs to be made off the bat because one of my favorite songs is "Popular St." by Glass Animals and it's about a kid getting targeted and groomed by an older woman, and the end implies that she got arrested and killed herself in prison. The entire album (How to be a Human Being) is technically a collection of ballads.

life itself is about gifted kid burnout

mama's gun is about someone losing their grasp on reality and they may have murdered somebody but they aren't certain (apparently this was inspired by somebody the group met while traveling? The person woke up after a multiday bender with no idea of where they were or how they got there, but with a deep feeling that they had done something awful.)

the other side of paradise from the perspective of somebody who was in a relationship with someone before they were famous, and as they gained more popularity how that fame changed them

Agnes the narrator is pleading with agnes to not kill themself, i cried in the garage at my highschool while listening to it, like everyone else on the planet high school left me emotionally traumatized

These are the interpretations I had without ever really reading all the actual intended narratives, cause they are planned narratives, i've skimmed posts explaining them and these stuck out because these I got on the first try

And a much more obvious one (not Glass Animals) Devil's Train by The Lab Rats

#wurds #glass animals #how to be a human being #my noodle is writhing and idk why #also i've noticed... or at least i've found myself in this specific situation multiple times #that songs don't really have consistant quality the chorus is good or the refrain hits hard #but you find the whole song and it's just... meh... #like they just fluffed up the good bit that they wanted to go viral #unholy is a great example cause i listened to the rest of it and was deeply disapointed

[modgirlyreposts-revamped]

Millie headcanons!!

- I see her as having more of a gothic lolita/almost Victorian gothic style tbh? Basically she dresses like Lydia Deetz in Beetlejuice. However I love throwing in more mall goth aspects too. Fancy black dress, messy looking makeup, demonia boots, Victorian mourning jewellery, and spiked choker & bracelets kinda thing you get me?

- Bullied kid with comorbid probably undiagnosed ADHD and depression type beat

- I imagine ITP takes place in like, early or maybe mid 2010s. I've seen on this blog once or twice the idea of Millie being around the pizzaplex and i love that idea but I always saw her as like, a closer to classic Freddy Fazbear's kid.

- Her family is pretty well off. That's why she can actually afford to dress the way she does (yeah I'm jealous what of it)

- She likes horror a Lot. It's something of a hyperfixation of hers, but it leaves her grandpa quite concerned because My Granddaughter Has Been Holed Up In Her Room Watching Horror Movies All Day Is She Mentally Stable

- I know in canon she was only going to stay with her grandpa while her parents were away but I got the vibes that her grandpa basically helped raise her. (In my own weird au where millie and sarah like, band together with the other protags to investigate freddy fazbears and specifically the bite of 83 and shit she just full on lives with him lol)

- She's intimidating as Fuck when she gets mad.

- Her hair is not naturally black (not sure what color it Is tho, maybe blonde??), but she dyes it (I also imagine she likes to throw in some purple streaks or a black to purple ombre sometimes)

- She has like 3 piercings on each ear. The second set no one knew she was getting until she came back home from going out to do so. She was banned from getting piercings as a punishment so the third one was also a secret no one in the family noticed for like months.

- She would love FNaF. I feel like she'd make "man behind the slaughter" jokes. Is that old? Me and my sister still do it.

- She is absolutely awful with kids, but they love her. She goes out to the park with a black umbrella to brood dramatically in the shade and from the playground she just hears "Millie!!" And then a small crowd of children runs up asking if she'll play with them. She always gives in and agrees to play in the end. She can never even remember their names or anything but they see the sad girl in all black and immediately know She's Friend. She would die for them.

- Oswald is her surrogate brother and ok now that I'm thinking abt millie in the pizzaplex era Gregory would be too 100%.

- She likes chocolate. She gives me the vibes of someone who just, chocolate everything. Her grandpa buys chocolate chips for baking and Millie eats them all.

- As a kid she cried a lot and didnt know how to/was too afraid to stand up for herself. She has a lot of repressed anger from those years and tends to dramatically overreact as a result (I'm not projecting what do you mean)

[TW for implied abuse for the next three]

- OK BOUNCING OFF THAT ONE HC THAT DYLAN HAS DID AS SOMEONE WHO MAYBE HAS IT MYSELF I LOVE THAT. I have an Idea for how it would've formed which is that his familial situation is Very Not Good. Anyways I think, he has probably abt 10 ish alters, Millie would get along with most of his alters. I think Dylan would have multiple persecutor alters which r alters who formed from trauma who harm the body or other alters to try and protect them. Millie actually gets along surprisingly well with one of them.

- On another note w/ Dylan tho Millie's grandpa meets Dylan, finds out just a little bit abt his family and basically tells him like "my home is your home, if you're not safe there, you're always welcome here" so <3 he likes to spend basically all his time at Millie's grandpa's house and he doesnt say it but he worries hes like is your home really that bad do I need to call CPS?

- Millie's parents come home at the end of the year and are like well what'd we miss? And her grandpa's like look at my new grandson Dylan :) Dylan come out and say hi!! And out comes a teenage boy with bright red hair, a bunch of piercings (also a scar on one ear), wearing spiky platform boots, spiked bracelets and choker like Millie's (but in white w/ black spikes) and patched black jeans, wiping Pop Tart crumbs off a My Chemical Romance shirt and he just looks up at them totally nonchalantly and goes "Heyo" and walks off and they're like MAURICE WHAT THE HELL?!? WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THIS KID?!?! JUVIE?!!?!??

- Millie's grandpa doesn't Know Dylan has DID 100%- Dylan hasn't told him and doesn't plan to- but he notices major changes in personality from time to time and catches Millie, Sarah or Brooke calling him different names occasionally. That plus his vague knowledge of what goes down at Dylan's house, he's sorta put the dots together on his own, but he hasn't said anything yet.

- Ok so like, I love the idea of Brooke having like a pastel/bubblegum-bitch aesthetic. One time Brooke dressed Millie up in a pastel goth style (and Dylan gave her a scene/emo style) and at the time she was like it's so BRIGHT it's so SOFT WHAT but shes been thinking about that ever since and occasionally while shopping she'll pick out a pair of cutesy/pastel earrings or a neon accented choker or something like that.

- Brooke introduces Millie and Dylan to Marina. Millie introduces Brooke to MCR (or something, idk, for as much of a goth as I am I mostly listen to Penelope Scott). Dylan introduces them both to FaLiLV (a Japanese band). Brooke does not like their taste in music.

- Millie's idea of calming down is laying on her bed and listening to screamo.

This took me an hour and a half I'm sorry

ADHAKFJHSJKJHKDSSJFD I LOVE THESE-

The one about Millie being terrible with children but them loving her anyway, is so accurate to my Millie as well. She can take care of a child about as well as she can take care of herself (not much at all-), but her cousins absolutely love when she babysits them, and Gregory looks up to her as a role model (Millie's just like "thanks, but reconsider!" lol)

And the one with Millie's grandpa practically adopting Dylan, I swear ur trying to kill me with wholesomeness, I love them sm. In my AU if Dylan was having issues with his family and Millie's grandpa found out, he'd just calmly stand up and walk into the garage, coming back with a baseball bat. He'd calmly tell Millie and the others that he's just going to have a "talk" with Dylan's parents, while Millie knowing damn well just what he means by that starts chasing after him telling him not to do this, Dylan not far behind.

Dylan's parents would just hear someone pounding on their door, and when they answer there's just an extremely tired and pissed off 60 something year old man on their doorstep, and two teens attempting to hold him back, all while Millie's grandpa is shouting a load of expletives at them.

The whole time Dylan is just panicking, and is all like "M-Mr. Fitzsimmons, you don't have to do this!", whereas Millie knows that her grandfather will not calm down until someone is at least hospitalized.

#asks #answered #spirits-in-the-wind

[maladaptive-dreamer]

I'm at my wits end with therapy. I've seen multiple people who don't take my daydreams seriously. Despite my best efforts, with the therapists I've spoken to in the past, I don't know how to communicate how significant of an impact the MaDD has had on my life, and how much I genuinely love it while simultaneously desperately DESPERATELY needing to be able to control it. Any suggestions for finding a therapist who might actually help? Thanks

1. Make sure you’re really ready for therapy.

This one seems sort of straightforward. Everyone wants to get better, don’t they? Except...some people don’t. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing - everyone’s end goal should be improvement, but some people are so deep in their disorder that they need to admit to themselves that they need help before they actually start looking for help. Make sure that you know what you want from therapy, that you understand what sorts of steps are going to be taken - and, of course, that you’re in a place where you can afford it, money and time-wise.

2. Don’t go into therapy discouraged.

That'll be really hard because of how many people you’ve seen, but don’t give up! It’s sort of like dating - some people have the insanely good luck of finding their perfect match first try, but for most people, it takes a few pairings before they find a fit. The same rule applies to therapy. Try to keep a really open mind and give your new therapist the benefit of the doubt! At the very least, tell your therapist that you’ve been discouraged from therapy (see item 4).

3. Identify patterns of failure.

How have your conversations with past therapists gone? Where did you feel like they stopped listening or understanding you? Have you always approached telling them about MaDD in the same way? At the same time? Trying to figure out a pattern can be useful in then changing said pattern. Try to approach the conversation in a different way (see item 5 for a pretty foolproof idea).

Also, why did you stop seeing your past therapists? Really think about your feelings - were they founded in proof or were you really just not ready for therapy? Not a personal attack, just something that I’ve noticed within myself - I tend to make assumptions about my therapist before sitting back and realizing I’m trying to mind-read (a cognitive distortion)!

4. Explain right away how difficult this is for you.

Be very transparent with the fact that you felt like your former therapists didn’t listen to you or believe you - whatever you felt like the situation was, share it with your new therapist. Explain why therapy is difficult for you and how you have a difficult time putting things into words. This will create a deeper understanding as to why you might find it difficult discussing certain things.

5. Put your feelings into words.

I don’t care if you’re not a natural writer or hate writing. Write down exactly what you want to say. This will give you as long as you need to put what you need to down into the words you need. You’ll be able to think of specific wording and everything! Include common questions that people have about MaDD and, if you’re really nervous about not being believed, there are several credible news sources that have reported on MaDD. Just Google articles for evidence! Finally, write down exactly what you want to happen with your MaDD. Do you want to get rid of it entirely? Cut back? With something less common like this, therapists won’t know what the end goal is, whereas there are pretty clearly understood goals for other mental disorders like anxiety and depression. If you don’t know what you want to happen with your MaDD, maybe say that you want help focusing or something like that so that it gives you and the therapist something to work on while you try to understand yourself a little more. If you use words like addicted, the therapist might then understand the whole love-hate relationship you have with it, as well as how difficult talking about it is for you.

6. Understand how much work therapy is.

I’m not accusing you of not understanding therapy or anything ridiculous like that. I just know that for me personally, when I went into therapy, I was expecting to be told exactly how to be happy, or that I would be happy once I told someone what was wrong with me. Not the case at all. I’ve been in therapy for three years and been through a couple therapists in that time, and only now am I really realizing how much work - inside and outside of sessions - must be put into recovery. This will be an uphill battle and at times it will feel like everything will be working against you - but you have to fight past this and keep going so you have a happier future overall!

*

I really hope your future in therapy goes well. Again, it can be easy to get discouraged, but someday you’re going to find an awesome therapist - and your life is going to be changed!

#ask #daydreaming help

[eponymous-rose]

Weird question, but you seem really productive despite seeming to have a constantly fluctuating routine, with both your work and your hobbies. Most people think having a solid routine is the only way to increase your productivity but I've pretty much given up on having a routine since my life seems similar to yours--a lot of travel, weird and always changing work hours. Do you have any advice on how you deal with routine and productivity in spite of that?

Oh gosh, this is definitely something I struggle with a LOT, and I’m not sure I’ve found a coping strategy that works for me yet. But the small things that have been helping have been (1) keeping a routine in my planning even if the stuff I do changes dramatically (even if I’m traveling, I have a notebook where, every Sunday, I list all the stuff that has specific dates/times for the following week, I list the stuff where I still have to come up with a date/time, and I list the stuff I’ve gotta do that week for sure), and (2) finding multiple ways to approach the same goals that I can tailor to my level of energy/spare time on any given week (so this week I’m just not in a super exercisey mindset and can’t rely on having the motivation to run every day, but instead I’m making an extra effort not to eat out this week—lower-effort for my current state of mind, but all toward the same goal of feeling a bit healthier overall).

I’m also very cognizant of how little time at work is actually spent working, so I try not to feel guilty if the total number of hours worked is low as long as the work’s getting done. I’m an incredibly routine-oriented person, but it’s been a bit freeing to slowly and steadily teach myself that stuff just has to get finished one way or another, and the easiest way to do that is to just focus on specific goals and let the rest be flexible.

Anyway, yesterday I was thinking of this ask and was like, “You know, I’ll just write up what I do on Monday as an example, and I bet things will go hilariously awry.” And so they did.

So here’s what my weekly planning list looked like last night:

Dated Events:

Call with paper coauthor at 9AM Monday

Call with leadership academy planning committee at 10AM Monday

Call with peer mentoring group at 9AM Tuesday

Sit in on class at 11:30AM Tuesday and Thursday

Seminars Wednesday at 3PM, Thursday at 4PM, and Friday at 3PM

D&D Saturday at 6PM

Undated Events:

Coordinating abstract submission for an upcoming conference (early week)

Setting up Skype calls with a couple friends I haven’t talked to in a while (late week)

Assorted Priorities:

Book hotel for work travel in July

Accept journal article review request and scope out how long that’ll take

Review some materials sent out for my peer mentoring call

Revise my paper and submit the revisions before the Monday deadline

Get my driver’s license renewed (the joys of yearly visa renewal… your license has to be renewed yearly as well)

Put together a schedule for a biweekly Twitter feature highlighting new publications for the account I run for a subcommittee in my field

Respond to an e-mail about a conference in January about some weird deadline that popped up for next week

Come up with conference abstract ideas before the as-yet-unscheduled meeting

Fill out some action items in advance of my 10AM Monday call

And some more specific checklists for four research projects I’m focusing on this week

I purposely try to group conference calls together, because I currently share my office and feel weird doing video calls when she’s stuck in frame five feet away from me while she tries to work. So Monday seems like a good day to work from home, and I can squeeze in Tuesday’s call before heading to the office that morning. I’ll be in the office Tuesday-Friday, which means I’ll be able to attend those seminars and classes with no problem. I have most of my D&D prep done already because we ended early last game, so I can leave that until Saturday. The only thing I might have to shuffle to next week is the driver’s license thing, because it’ll take three hours and I have to account for finding a Lyft there and back. Okay. Aces.

Wake up this morning to find my internet’s out, and I also somehow left the hard drive with all my research on it at work. Hoo boy. But staring over my to-do list, I think I can set today up as a “big picture” day and not have to do any actual coding, so I’m still okay to work from home. I can also phone in to the conference calls instead of using the video call software. All good.

Luckily, the internet comes back right before my first call of the day. Said call is with someone who also happens to be a dean, so she has a tendency to get held up at meetings, so I take that delay to look at the action items for my second call (I mean… if you send me action items at 8PM on a Sunday I am not gonna touch them until Monday morning).

When she did make it online, we chatted about the new paper, and she strongly encouraged me to send it to our other coauthors in case they have suggestions. We’re submitting on Monday, which is way too short-notice to read a 20-page research paper, but they already read the pre-revision version in great detail, so I shot them an e-mail that included a summary of the substantial changes and a note to the effect that if any of them want more time to look at this stuff, I can beg the editor for an extension on their behalf. Minor crisis averted.

Second meeting is very intense and structured. Everyone has to volunteer to organize and lead two webinars in the next three months, so I go ahead and volunteer for the two April ones so I’ll get it out of the way early. Aaand the first webinar is at 1PM this Friday. Okay. I’ll work from home that morning so I can do last-minute prep, then head into the office in time for the 3PM seminar. No biggie. One organizer puts together a draft schedule, and I send a quick e-mail suggesting a different use of one of the ten-minute time slots. One of the other organizers requests another conference call tomorrow instead of e-mails. I tell them I can only do after 4PM, if I leave work early. Eh. We’ll see how that works out.

After the call, I get through a bunch of small tasks in maybe 20 minutes: hotel booked, Twitter posts prepped, review request accepted (not due until May 20, so plenty of time on that), conference deadline e-mail chain started. I spend the rest of the time before noon getting sucked into an article someone sent me about the myths surrounding undergraduate grade inflation and then reading up on the peer mentoring materials for our call tomorrow. A couple other minor e-mails pop up (scheduling the precise date of a conference mixer in January, that kind of thing) and I manage to deal with them right away.

Lunch! Clearly working from home means I should take the opportunity to indulge in some fine cuisine, some leisurely cooking that highlights—

I heat up a microwave meal (chicken couscous) and watch YouTube videos for an hour.

Back in it! I write up some abstract submission ideas and make a valiant attempt at setting up a time to talk about them, but it looks like that might have to wait until next week. We’re still a ways before the deadline, so that’s okay.

Mmmmmmm someone on Twitter mentions a conference in Germany in September and a workshop in Colorado in July that both look like a good fit for my research. I’m in a situation where I have a big chunk of travel funding that’s going to disappear unless it gets spent in the next year. Oh no. But also oh yes.

Just in case, I put together a couple point-form ideas for stuff to propose that I can bring to the people holding the purse strings.

The rest of the afternoon is spent putting together weekly goals for four of my research projects: each one involves a collaboration with a different person, so I’d like to be able to send each of them an e-mail with at least one new thing to share about that project this week. Just in case that doesn’t happen, though, I rank them from most to least important. Worst-case scenario, I don’t have to send any of them this week, but it’ll make next week tougher if I don’t.

It’s only about 3:30 at this point, but honestly, I’m feeling a bit exhausted and overwhelmed (some of the e-mail chains have gone through five or six replies at this point and keeping it all straight is giving me a headache), so I opt to get some groceries and call it a day.

I may have added some stuff, but I got a lot crossed off today! Here’s how that last checklist looks at the end of the day:

Assorted Priorities:

Revise my paper and submit the revisions before the Monday deadline

Project #1: come up with a new exploratory figure and send to Person A.

Project #2: summarize the early results I started last week and send to Person B, along with an ask to see whether he’d be up for me presenting this stuff in Europe in November.

Project #3: improve on figures I showed last month and send to Person C.

Project #4: prepare a rough outline of the next paper to send to Person D.

Not having my work hard drive means I was able to just focus on the stuff that wasn’t specific to research today. In all the chaos of today, I’ve set myself up well for a research-heavy rest of the week where I (hopefully) won’t have to worry about non-research stuff or big changes to the schedule and can just burrow into research, emerging for occasional seminar/webinar breaks. A good Monday, all around.

#eponymous academia tag #karionwriting