#also i think i'll stop my rewatch at 15.18 as well

[airenyah]

just watched that episode 'the song remains the same' and honestly I have a few things, imagine if Anna actually called Cas rather than Uriel, what are the implications of that happening and that would have played out very differently, also makes me sad because in classic spn (s1-5) Dean got the ending he wanted (yes I ship destiel as the next person but at that time, he was a different person from s10 (where I stopped watching - I can't say for s15, but judging on here he's a very 1/?

person as well). And then in s15 (which I've only seen the last episode of) he dies, and it's like - the whole point of his character was to survive and to live the apple pie life, like at the end of the day THAT IS WHO HE IS. Anyhow it makes me sad that when I watch s15 for the first time (I'll stop at Misha's physical last episode) that he didn't get that. That's why I feel for long term Dean fans because that was what happened, and I don't understand how even Kripke thought it was a good 2/?

idea considering he gave him a happy ending in s5. 3/3

ohhhh wait, are we talking anna calling present time!cas or 1978!cas? because if i remember correctly (sorry i didn’t bother rewatching the ep for this ask) anna calls uriel and asks him to kill the winchesters, right? and i think it’s fairly obvious that present!cas would absolutely not have gone through with that, buuuuut 1978!cas however.... 1978!cas who didn’t know the winchesters, didn’t know dean yet.... now THAT’s raises an interesting question 🤔

re: and it's like - the whole point of his character was to survive and to live the apple pie life

my god YES!!!! the other day i was rewatching 8x14 and there is this whole bit:

Dean: We've been down roads like this before, man – with Yellow-Eyes, Lucifer, Dick friggin' Roman. We both know where this ends – one of us dies... Or worse.

Sam: So, what – you just up and decided it's gonna be you?

Dean: I'm a grunt, Sam. You're not. You've always been the brains of this operation.

Sam: Dean—

Dean: And you told me yourself that you see a way out. You see a light at the end of this ugly-ass tunnel. I don't. But I tell you what I do know – it's that I'm gonna die with a gun in my hand. 'Cause that's what I have waiting for me – that's all I have waiting for me. I want you to get out. I want you to have a life – become a man of Letters, whatever. You, with a wife and kids and – and – and grandkids, living till you're fat and bald and chugging Viagra – that is my perfect ending, and it's the only one that I'm gonna get. So I'm gonna do these trials. I'm gonna do them alone – end of story. You're staying here. I'm going out there. If landshark comes knocking, you call me. If you try to follow me, I'm gonna put a bullet in your damn leg. 

and it’s just. so goddamn infuriating in the light of the finale. tell me, does this not demand that he does in fact find a light at the end of the tunnel? you’d expect a character who constantly goes on about how they’re gonna go out guns blazing, who doesn’t see any value in themselves, who doesn’t think they deserve to be saved,... you’d think the whole point of a character like that would be the growth that comes from realizing that they actually do have value and that their life is worth living. and for dean that would be especially after they defeated chuck. but oh wait--, this is supernatural where we can’t have nice things, right (character development? what’s that?)

i can’t say much post S9 because i haven’t watched S10-13 since they aired and while i did catch up on the last two seasons over the past year, they didn’t really stick in my memory (apart from the final 3 eps) soooo i don’t remember much buuuut there was this in 13x23:

Dean: Hey, you remember... remember when you asked if we could stop it? All the evil in the world?

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: If we could... really change things? Well, maybe with Jack, we can.

Sam: Maybe you're right. But then what will we do?

Dean: Mm. Yeah. This. (holds up a beer) A whole lot of this. But on a beach somewhere, you know? Can you imagine? You, me, Cas, toes in the sand, couple of them little umbrella drinks. Matching Hawaiian shirts, obviously. Some hula girls.

Sam: You talking about retiring? You?

Dean: If I knew the world was safe? Hell, yeah. And you know why? 'Cause we freaking earned it, man.

and i think there might have been some more scenes where dean expresses similar sentiments (like the one from 10x16 in the confession booth about not wanting to die and wanting to experience things differently or for the first time)? i don’t really remember, i’ll know once I get there on my big spn rewatch I’m currently doing. and it’s just. how does it make any sense for the show to end with dean not getting to finally find happiness in life on earth and grow old. i don’t understand. 

although i’m not sure i agree with you on the s5 ending being a happy ending for dean. i think it’s more bittersweet than happy. i mean, yes, dean does tell lisa that the happiness he pictures includes her, but we also learn this in chuck’s voice-over at the end of swan song:

Chuck: Every part of him, every fiber he's got, wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.

he’s outright suicidal after sam jumps into the cage. and honestly, i’m not entirely sure if dean actually would have showed up at lisa’s door if sam hadn’t made him promise. this bit from 6x01 also reinforces that for me:

Bobby: [Y]ou got out, Dean! You walked away from the life. And I was so damn grateful, you got no idea.

Dean: Do you have any clue what walking away meant for me?

Bobby: Yeah -- a woman and a kid and not getting your guts ripped out at age 30. That's what it meant.

Dean: That woman and that kid -- I went to them because you asked me to.

Bobby: Good.

Dean: Good for who? I showed up on their doorstep half out of my head with grief. God knows why they even let me in. I drank too much. I had nightmares. I looked everywhere. I collected hundreds of books, trying to find anything to bust you out.

yes, i think dean liked lisa enough and i don’t think he necessarily minded staying with her but i also think he was more drawn to the idea and the apple pie life that she represented. the “getting out” of the life. but dean hates getting non-hunters involved in the life and he also hates himself and the mess he is so i think dean might have wanted to spare lisa the trouble and would probably have stayed away if sam hadn’t asked him to go find her

#alright i'm done now before i get too angry about the finale again bye #also i think i'll stop my rewatch at 15.18 as well #and just go read fix-it fics instead lol #gotta curate the secret good spn that lives in my head #spn #dean winchester #5.13 #8.14 #13.23 #dean x lisa #dean deserved better #does this count as meta? lol #asks #airenyah plappert #danieljlevy #just in case: #suicide tw #(is that how one correctly tags triggers? lmk pls)