BnHA Chapter 294: A Half-Assed Escape
Previously on BnHA: Mirio was all āSURPRISE IāM BACK THANKS TO OUR RESIDENT SEVEN-YEAR-OLD WHO RECENTLY EARNED HER BACHELORāS OF BEING A TOTAL BADASS.ā Kacchan was all, āyou know what, Dabiās been trending long enough, time to remind the fandom what a real G looks like,ā and he blasted his little bleeding body back into the fray and was all āFROM HERE ON OUT CALL ME DYNAMIGHT!!ā Mirio was all, āAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... oh, youāre serious,ā and Kacchan was all ā!!ā, and so thatās the story of how my son got murdered twice in one day. Meanwhile in the Todoroki Drama Zone, Deku was all āSTOP MURDERING MY FRIENDā and Dabi was all āTHATāS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESSā and fandom had a whole big debate about Whether Or Not Dabi Trying To Murder Dekuās Friends And Mentors Is Any Of Dekuās Business, which went exactly how you think it went. Anyway, so then Deku yelled at Dabi, and Endeavor was all moved by his manly words and randomly went to go uppercut Machia in the chin. And, seeing as how the Momoserum finally chose that exact moment to kick in, Machia is now down for the count.
Today on BnHA: The Miriosquad handles the Nearly High End Noumus, freeing up Jeanist to jasphyxiate (okay that one doesnāt really work so well) the rest of the League. Compress is all āTIME FOR THIS MILD-MANNERED SIDE CHARACTER VILLAIN TO SHINEā, except that by āshineā what he actually means isĀ āuse his quirk to punch a literal hole right through his own ass to free himself.ā The rest of the chapter is basically just a back and forth between him and Jeanist, with Jeanist trying to recapture him, and Compress repeatedly thwarting him by chopping more holes out of himself because HEāS FRESH OUT OF FUCKS, AND THE ONES AT THE STORE ARE ALL SOLD OUT, MOTHERFUCKERS. Anyway, so with Compress basically dying and all, Horikoshi is all āyou know what that meansā, and delivers a freshly-baked villain flashback revealing that Compress is a descendant of Harima Ouji, a.k.a. the Peerless Thief, a.k.a. some famous guy whom Gentle mentioned this one time for like two seconds back in the day. The chapter ends with Compress finally demasking himself and dumping Tomura back onto the ground, a.k.a. The Worst Possible Place For Tomura To Be.Ā ( ā¢ļ¹ā¢)
WHY IS CRUST HERE YOUāRE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD
-- OH WAIT, SHIT. OH
AIZAWAAAA youāre alive and receiving medical help thank GOD. HOW MANY EYES DO YOU HAVE. AND MIRKO!! HOW MANY LIMBS DO YOU HAVE, OMG
so is this Aizawa dreaming about Crustās final moments, then?? jesus. with All Due Respect to Crustās memory, does Aizawa not already have enough misplaced guilt on his conscience as it is?? ānope, weāre gonna keep piling it on. thatās all he is now. three limbs, an indeterminate number of eyes, sexy hair, and Guiltā well shit
motherfucker yāall really out here placing an oxygen mask on Gran Torinoās corpse. fucking shounen characters. each one comes with a lifetime warranty
DAMN YOU HORIKOSHI WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOWING THESE CLOSE-UPS OF HAWKSāS UNCONSCIOUS FACE ALL WHUMPED OUT AND EXHAUSTED. HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS ARE WE GOING TO GET. ARE YOU PLANNING ON KILLING ME WITH THE UPCOMING CONVALESCENCE ARC, BECAUSE IF SO, AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO TELL ME AHEAD OF TIME SO I CAN MAKE A WILL
for a moment I considered going back and checking my previous recaps to count how many times Iāve already made a joke about Dabiās fire incinerating Hawksās wings but not touching so much as a hair on his five oāclock shadow, so that I could calculate whether or not I could possibly get away with making that same joke one more time. but then I realized I could just do it in this kind of roundabout way Iām doing right now instead. so there you have it
FFFFFFFMT LADY AND MIDNIGHT NOOOOO
PLEASE BE ALIVE. PLEASE RESPECT THE SIGN ON THE FRONT OF THE BUILDING. THE ONE THAT SAYS āNO LADY CHARACTERS ALLOWED TO DIEā, WITH THE FINE PRINT AT THE BOTTOM āAT LEAST NOT UNTIL HORIKOSHI GIVES US LIKE TWENTY-SIX MORE OF THEM FIRST IF THATāS THE WAY HE WANTS TO PLAY IT.ā ITāS A GOOD SIGN, PLEASE RESPECT ITS WISHES!!
so anyway though, Jeanist is giving a speech about how god knows how many people all worked together to bring Machia down. and now RHA is getting in on those fabric puns too, I see.Ā āA SINGLE STRAND MAY BE THIN BUT TOGETHER THEY FORM A STRONG ROPEā oh so you think you guys are funny eh? Iām a frayed knot
MEANWHILE EXCUSE ME BUT WHY ARE YOU FUCKING CRYING BLOOD, HOLY SHIT
fffffff. so much for him taking over as the Number One once all this is over. so letās just recap real quick, because Horikoshi has long since made it clear that one of his plot goals for this arc is to wipe out every single member of the Billboard Top Ten. so how we doin?
Endeavor - was just figuratively eviscerated in front of the entire nation by his homicidal zombiepunk son. also burnt half to death and possibly down a lung. will almost certainly be forced to retire after this one way or the other
Hawks - lying prettily in a medical tent. wings status: gone. hair status: still perfect
Jeanist - WELL I THOUGHT HE WAS FINE BUT APPARENTLY HEāS OUT HERE DYING, JESUS CHRIST
Edgeshot - MIA, last seen fighting Re-Destro. I really want him to have kicked RDās ass because fuck that guy, but realistically they probably fought to a draw at best
Mirko - alive but in critical condition and missing something like 1.5 limbs
Crust - dead, currently haunting Aizawaās traumatized dreams. now heās gonna be triggered the rest of his life by people giving him the thumbs up, THANKS A LOT
Kamui Woods - was set on fire which is His Weakness. thoughts and prayers
Wash - last seen floating hospital patients to safety as Tomuraās wave of decay descended towards him. probably dead ffff
Old Man Samurai - havenāt seen this fucker in a hot minute, who even knows where heās wandered off to
Ryuukyuu - currently being treated for her wounds, looked pretty bad off. but itās hard to tell how hurt she is since most of the injuries were acquired in her transformed state. SHE BETTER GET WELL SOON
anyways, so yeah. so much for the top ten. guess thatās another reason Horikoshi brought Mirio back now, huh
so thereās a big panel of everyone fighting the Noumu while Machia lies there all āblurgh.ā good riddance my dude. it took like twenty chapters and a hundred people to stop this guy so I really fucking hope he stays down. youāve had your fun
anyway so Jeanist is sending another steel thread towards Dabi! and heās all ājust a bit more!!ā fklklj this is gonna go real well isnāt it
meanwhile Mirioās fighting a Nearly High End with all of these weird rock formations jutting out of its skin. go on and kick his ass then, Mirio
āeach of these guys is probably just as strong as the Noumu from Kyuushuuā hold on I thought Ujiko or Tomura or someone said that wasnāt the case? not that Mirio would know I suppose. anyways letās just hope heās wrong cuz if not these kids are probably screwed
kLSDKFHLSKHGLKLK OH MY GODDDD
IIDA FUCKING TENYA YOUāRE A PEACH. THINKS THE NAME IS OUTRAGEOUS, CHECK. USES IT ANYWAY, CHECK. āJUST BECAUSE I DONāT UNDERSTAND DOESNāT MEAN I CANāT BE SUPPORTIVE.ā WHAT A CLASS ACT
AND KACCHAN IS RESPONDING WITH AS MUCH DIGNITY AS HE CAN MUSTER
WOW, SON. ITāS ALMOST AS THOUGH YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO, OR SOMETHING!! although listen up, real talk, the fact that Kacchan of all people canāt muster the energy to yell at someone questioning his ability to kick ass is HIGHKEY troubling and we may be in need of an intervention here soon :/
now Jeanist is finally turning his attention to the League! was... was it not already on the League. omg
ACTUAL SCREAMING AHHHHHH FUCK FUCKLK LK AHHLKHKFFFF
hey so um. what the actual fucked up hell. my soul left my body. imagine if you saw the reflection of this panel on your bedroom window. you would never sleep again
OKAY RHA TRANSLATORS ARE YOU HAVING YOURSELF A LAUGH AGAIN
THIS CANNOT BE WHAT HEāS ACTUALLY SAYING RIGHT. BUT ITāS RIGHT IN THAT UNCANNY VALLEY OF NOT BEING QUITE SURE, THOUGH... (ćļ¾Š“ļ¾)
(ETA: just a next-day clarification here, apparently my sleep-deprived ADHD word-skipping brain completely skipped right over theĀ āaā in that last panel, so what I read was,Ā āand Shigarakiās limp noodle.ā so yeah, the moral of this story is always read the speech bubble carefully before you start making running jokes throughout the rest of your post, folks.)
oh wow heās really freaking out lmao
to be fair though, Iād argue that Dabi has gotten pre-tty close at this point :ā) thrilled for him, really I am
but anyway, well then figure something out you big dramatic robot-armed fiend. didnāt you just say you could touch your own ass? can you not just Compress yourself to break free?? does it not work on you? or would you be stuck afterwards lol
(ETA: I was picturing him compressing his entire body at once, not just chunks of it. ghhhlkh.)
um
holy shit Jeanist. are you stupidly trying to cut off their air, or are you going for more of a sleeper hold (jleeper hold??) thing instead. the latter would be way smarter and faster and probably safer as well just saying
but unless Spinner is just being super dramatic, it sure looks like heās fucking strangling them djslkjlk. this will certainly cement his popularity among the villain stans. good thing youāre not running for office any time soon bud
anyway so I have no idea what these guys are trying to do now. what is this
do you even have till the count of 5 at this rate. I mean
OH MY GOODNESS
HEāS REALLY FUCKING DOING IT!! HEāS COMPRESSING HIS BUTT!! OMFG. TOMURA HIDE YOUR NOODLE!!!
WHAT THE FUCK
DID YOU COMPRESS A PIECE OF YOUR OWN ASS. FUCKING WHAT. PUT THIS MANāS PICTURE IN THE DICTIONARY NEXT TO THE WORD āLOYALTYā, HOLY CRAP
HOLY SHITĀ COMPRESS
āHOLY SHIT DID THAT GUY JUST PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH HIS OWN ASS IN ORDER TO SAVE HIS VILLAIN PALS. FUCK IT, HE DESERVES TO ESCAPEā
jeez, talk about... A HALF-ASSED ESCAPE ATTEMPT :D :D :D hahaha. but real talk though, Horikoshi has clearly never tried to leap twelve feet straight up in the air multiple times in succession with only half his glutes though. everyone, I regret to inform you that this panel right here on the left may be slightly unrealistic
also where the hell is he going to go?? did you pack a jetpack away in one of those little marbles sir. and what about Dabi?? and Skeptic too, I guess, but we donāt really care about Skeptic
(ETA: at this point I had to stop reading for about two hours because I had to go out and take care of something; thatās also why this is being posted later than usual lol. anyways so where were we.)
oh my lord
the existence of a translatorās note here implies that the earlier line about Compress being able to reach Tomuraās junk was not, in fact, ad-libbed. hmm. hmmmmmmmm
anyway so now heās grabbing Compress again because OF COURSE HE IS, so now weāre right back to square one! except now Tomura and Spinner are secured inside of little marbles, and presumably Compress is the only one who can release them
oh nevermind heās just maiming himself again instead, SHEESH
Skeptic a man is dying please have some goddamn respect
so, uh. is he gonna die, though??
I really canāt tell wtf is going on here, this is the most confusing the art has been in a while. Horikoshi put all of his spoons into that creepyass close-up panel earlier, that bastard
OMG WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS
DONāT FUCKING TELL ME THE āCOMPRESS IS RELATED TO THIS THIEF GUY FROM OLDEN TIMESā THEORY IS ACTUALLY TRUE WHAAAAAAT. OH SHIT
so apparently Harima was a Robin Hood type guy who stole from... heroes?? wtf. are heroes the 1% in this scenario. yāall didnāt have any Fortune 500 CEOs to steal from?
THATāS THE BLOOD THAT FLOWS THROUGH YOU, OH SHIT. and in a related oh shit, the fact that we are getting a Compress flashback now of all times doesnāt bode super well for him. ffff
MEANWHILE THE TODOROKIS ARE STILL TODOROKI-ING
listen here boy if you touch one freaking hair on Shoutoās candy cane head I swear to god --
WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY!!!
SHOUTO NOOOOOO. WTF YOUāRE LITERALLY THE ONE GUY WHOSE WEAKNESS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FIRE. DABI YOU SHIT, YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF!! IāM PRINTING OUT A COPY OF THAT COMPRESS PANEL!!! KEEP AN EYE OUT ON THAT BEDROOM WINDOW YOU PUNK!!!
SO NOW POOR SHOUTO IS UNCONSCIOUS AND FALLING!! SOMEONE SAVE HIM!! WHO CATCHES THE CATCHER
COMPRESS LITERALLY HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE RIGHT NOW, WHAT IS HAPPENING
PLEASE DONāT CALL TOMURA LEADER OF THE āPLFā YOU KNOW I CANāT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY WHEN YOU DO THAT. ARE YOU DYING. ARE YOU JUST A FUCKING HEAD NOW WTF
(ETA: āmasks are removable, makesteā you know what itās been a long day okay lmao. or I suppose Compress is really the one who is lmao.)
GASPPPPPP
okay. okay. looooool okay then
WHY WERE YOU COVERING THIS SEXY MOP OF HAIR UNDER THAT HOOD YOU TOOL. IT WOULD HAVE LOOKED SO GOOD WITH THE TOP HAT. IāM SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW
as if it wasnāt enough for him to demask himself, he also had to get all shirtless and then do this weird attempt at a sexypose too huh
hard to say exactly how much of his torso is currently missing, but safe to say thatās proooooooobably not good. :///// fuck
on the other hand, Kacchan also has a torso hole and heās still flying around like he just drank a dozen red bulls, so
this man lost his ass and heās still out here monologuing like itās the last two minutes of The Prestige. one might say he is monologuing his ass off
so he let Spinner and Tomura free, but is Dabi still trapped in his marble?? wasnāt he all on fire and stuff?? hopefully he can still turn off his quirk in there because if not thatās a pretty fucked up way to die. somewhere out there Snatchās ghost is all āYEAH IāLL SAY.ā oh how the turntables
last but not least, sooooooo. Tomura. back on the ground. thatās. um. ...shiiiiiiiit
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BnHA Chapter 261: Wakey Wakey
Previously on BnHA: The heroes decided that the only way to beat the villains was with an insane winner-takes-all gambit involving two simultaneous attacks, one on the Pliff base in Gunga Mountain, and the other on a quaint little hospital in Jakku that just so happens to be where Ujiko is keeping his Noumuraki in cold storage along with all his other evil science junk. We still donāt know what the fuck is going on in Gunga, but over in Jakku things are shockingly not really going according to plan! First Ujiko was stabbed by a Noumu space slug and melted away into nothing because HEāS A FAAAAAAAKE. Then a bunch of other Noumu came running out of the morgue to distract everyone while the real Ujiko scuttled about his lab in a panic in his lab and literally called the heroes āTHOSE MEDDLESOME HEROESā because he is literally a cartoon villain, only with the evilness cranked up to 11. Thankfully before he could warp away and escape, Miruko, a.k.a. the queen of this entire arc, busted down the door and crushed John-chan like a bug (RIP JOHN-CHAN) and took hold of my heart and was all āTHIS IS MINE NOWā and I was like āokayā and now sheās gonna kick Ujikoās ass????! Or so we can hope anyway?
Today on BnHA: Well Miruko almost kicks Ujikoās ass, and he almost doesnāt manage to punch in the activation code for his High End Noumus, and we almost manage to be spared the chaotic scene where they all come to life and wreak havoc. But unfortunately āalmostā is as close as we get, mainly because every single other character decides to hang back in the hospital entrance fighting a bunch of nobodies rather than bothering to help Miruko out. Everyone that is, except Crust, who provides some assistance by (a) not mentioning to anyone how thereās a whole other tunnel that leads out of the lab and goes DIRECTLY OUTSIDE TO WHERE MY CHILDREN PRESUMABLY ARE, and (b) arriving at the lab and then not really doing anything else at all except shouting a bit. So apparently this is what weāre working with. Thankfully Miruko is somehow still alive, because it looks like sheās about to have to fight these guys pretty much on her own. Unfortunately Ujiko takes advantage of all the chaos to abscond the fuck out of there. And so the chapter leaves off with one of those ārecord scratch, freeze frame, yep thatās me youāre probably wondering how I ended up in this situationā moments. Fun times.
so Ujiko got a new name last week; he is now Garaki Kyuudai. you can read all about the meaning of the name on Calebās twitter if you feel so inclined. so we are now moving on, and weāll see how many times I forget this new name and have to go back and look it up (ETA: at least twice so far)
so hopefully today will be the day when we finally discover just how and why everything is going to go terribly wrong, because itās getting stressful bracing myself for that shoe to drop every damn week. if youāre going to put my kids in terrible danger than GO AHEAD AND PUT THEM IN DANGER ALREADY THEN. please. I canāt go on like this
holy shit you guys
see, now this is the kind of fanservice I can get behind. too bad I canāt really focus on that at all right now because
well then. itās only the thing Iāve been simultaneously anticipating and dreading ever since the start of the My Villain Academia arc! donāt mind me guys. Iām just gonna. sit here nearly frozen but also kind of vibrating/pulsing ever so slightly
OH NO MIRUKO WHAT DID YOU DO
holy shit you guys. I RECOGNIZE THAT BIG BLACK DOOR FROM BACK IN MY KHR DAYS. ONLY BACK THEN IT WASNāT A DOOR AT ALL, BUT A WALL. A GLORIOUS AND TERRIBLE WALL WHICH SINGLEHANDEDLY BROUGHT ONE OF THE STRONGEST CHARACTERS TO HIS KNEES DURING A DO-OR-DIE āHEROES INVADE THE VILLAINSā LAIRā ARC VERY MUCH LIKE THIS. oh my god. and now he has returned, after all these years, to once again fuck up the heroesā plans at a critical and devastating moment. curse you wall
also did we really need to see this
Horikoshi: āyou know what I havenāt drawn yet that Iād really like to draw. brains. just some brains splattered around all messily. children love that almost as much as they love dead dogsā
ffsdsdlfkjl YOU KNOW WHAT WE ALSO DIDNāT NEED TO SEE, HOLY CHRIST
A FLASHBACK TO UJIKO āCOMFORTINGā A BLOODIED JOHN-CHAN AFTER A SUCCESSFUL TEST RUN OF HIS NOUMU CAPABILITIES, OR WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS. DID YOU GUYS ASK FOR THIS? I SURE AS HELL DIDNāT. I HAVE NO REAL WAY OF KNOWING THIS FOR SURE, BUT IāM GONNA GO OUT ON A LIMB AND SAY THAT ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WANTED TO SEE THIS. LIKE, I CANāT SAY THAT WITH CERTAINTY, BUT ACTUALLY I CAN THOUGH
ugh. anyway. ājust Noumu Arc things,ā Horikoshi says with a shrug. listen you son of a --
meanwhile if Ujiko gets all angry and tearfully sics all of the High Ends on Miruko in his rage, I will... actually Iāll sit here not being even remotely surprised at all, but still freaking out though. damn it, this is why I need that freaking shoe to drop already like I said. that thing is just sitting there like a loose snack in a malfunctioning vending machine and Iām standing here cursing and thumping on the glass and asking if anybody has a quarter
GODDAMMIT I DONāT NEED TO HEAR HIS FUCKING EULOGY FOR HIS PET MONSTER WHICH USED TO BE AN INNOCENT LITTLE CHILD UNTIL HE MAIMED AND TORTURED THE HUMANITY OUT OF IT
is that freaking All for One in the top right panel. YOUāRE ON MY SHITLIST TOO MISTER
looooooooool :ā)
lol I think we finally got that shoe loose folks. sob. go ahead and activate them you crusty old fuck
also are these things in the little tubes... quirks??? like what the hell
so now Ujikoās screaming (I guess if heās upset we can take that as a good sign?), and meanwhile Miruko is all
still smiling even now. god how I love her. āIāLL FIND OUT IF I KICK HIMā GOD MIRUKO WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE. IS THERE SUCH A THING AS A FEMALE HIMBO. LIKE WITH LESS PEJORATIVE CONNOTATIONS THAN THE ORIGINAL āBIMBOā AND WITH MORE OF A āSOMEONE WHOāS REALLY HOT AND COULD CRUSH YOU WITH HER PINKY AND IS ALSO A FEW ICE BRICKS SHORT OF AN IGLOOā KIND OF VIBE TO IT. HERBO??? OR WHAT ABOUT... SHIMBO
anyway Endeavor is all ācatch himā which is some great fucking advice coming from someone that hasnāt even made it inside the morgue entrance yet. what fucking good are you. at least he fried the space slug
but unfortunately that hasnāt quite solved all their problems yet
honestly though, he should still go after her. like, screw all the rest of this. get your priorities in order!! she just said there were a ton of REALLY STRONG-LOOKING!! NoumusĀ over there too, and meanwhile sheās the only one there because none of these other dinguses seem to realize that if you want to stop the fucking NoumusĀ you need to stop the guy in charge. otherwise theyāll just keep on coming!!
you know what, forget what I implied a couple paragraphs ago about Miruko being a few twists short of a slinky. she may have a straightforward āhit first and ask questions laterā approach to things, but itās increasingly clear that sheās still in possession of this teamās one shared brain cell right now
(ETA: the more that I think about this the madder I get. I count at least seven heroes in this shot. youāre telling me you couldnāt spare a single one??)
ooh weāre cutting to Mandalay!
she says the last of the civilians have just been evacuated from the hospital! I donāt know why sheās yelling this to them out loud and not thinking it at them like in the forest arc but whatever. the evacuation part got me thinking about the kids and now I desperately want to see how theyāre doing but first we have to wait for this High End situation to finish spiraling out of control I guess
-- holy shit holy shit holy shit
okay so this guy, who was the closest behind Miruko -- I forget who he is but I remember he was one of the top ten... goddammit let me look it up... okay yeah, heās Crust, the number six hero, whose quirk I donāt think we know yet -- anyway so heās running down the corridor and, well...
first of all he says hmmm way too much. but more importantly he just confirmed that at least one of these corridors leads directly outside. without passing through the hospital at all. implying that the Noumus can bypass the squad of heroes entirely and escape to rampage out on the mountainside
so the one job that the heroes had today, which was to make sure that none of the villains escaped, has already proven a failure. there are Noumus outside. and who else is outside in the mountains of Jakku right now, you guys?Ā EXACTLY
meanwhile this fucking boomer hasnāt even bothered to say this part out loud so that the other heroes can hear and realize that there are potentially escaped Noumus on the lam! like it would be nice to maybe mention that so that they know their plan has sprung a leak and also so that Endeavor can WARN HIS FUCKING INTERNS JESUS CHRIST
anyway so Crust has stumbled upon a group of Noumus and is attacking them and still not revealing a thing to his pals, thanks so much!!!
and now Miruko is leaping at Ujiko so that means ladies and gentlemen itās finally TIME FOR SOMETHING BAD TO HAPPEN!
WHY IS THIS TAKING A WHOLE FUCKING PAGE
no fucking duh?? holy shit. he may be an evil genius but heās really not that great at thinking on his feet
-- oh shit?!
A WILD RAY OF HOPE APPEARS?? looooool are you serious? that must mean that theyāre so fucking powerful the heroes wouldnāt stand a chance if they were activated. so despite all appearances, Horikoshi is actually not throwing them to the wolves just yet and there is still a thin layer of plot armor surrounding them!
--but what the hell IS HE TURNING THEM ON ANYWAY?!
sob, he is. holy shit heās gonna sic a High End on my wife and itāll be the strongest fucking thing weāve ever seen and meanwhile Ujiko will be watching all āhur hur itās not even using 10% of its powerā fucking fuck me
WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME THEREāS ANOTHER WARPING NOUMU JESUS
so he just left?? but turned the Noumus on first?? so now they have ten fucking hours before these things get strong enough to level the whole fucking planet are you shitting meeeee. and did he just leave Tomura there too or did he also warp him out?
wait a sec no heās still there. lol what the fuck. so did Mocha-chan create a duplicate of him then and thatās what Miruko kicked?
Iām so confused lmao
(ETA: still confused tbh. but we have bigger fish to fry!)
but anyway. this is what we came for though
wakey wakey. hey can someone go slap Endeavor and all those other heroes for me for deciding it was more important to battle the āsmall friesā out in front rather than give Miruko some fucking backup so it wouldnāt be all on her to stop this shitclown from remote activating his unstoppable army of death? fucking Mic could have ended this whole show with one shouted āYODELAYHEEHOO~ā down this echo-y corridor for fuckās sake!! Aizawa could have stopped Mocha from using her quirk! god damn! I hope youāre all happy!!
LMAO HOLY FUCKING SHIT
THATāS THE SCARIEST THING IāVE EVER SEEN?! HAHAHA MY HEART IS GENUINELY RACING, IāM DEFAULTING TO MY āHAUNTED HOUSE LAUGHTERā INSTINCT IN WHICH I KEEP LAUGHING BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS TOO FUCKING TENSE AND I DONāT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO
LIKE, THE ONE NEARLY BIT HER FUCKING FACE OFF BEFORE SHE KICKED ITS BITEY HAND IN HALF, BUT MEANWHILE THE OTHER ONE IS TRYING TO GRAB HER ENTIRE HEAD WITH ITS MASSIVE FUCKING HAND ATTACHED TO AN ARM THATāS LITERALLY AS LONG AS MIRUKO IS TALL, AND THAT HAND IS BIG ENOUGH THAT IF IT CLOSED ITS FIST HER HEAD WOULD LITERALLY POP LIKE A GRAPE HOLY SHIT?!?!
NO THANK YOU I DONāT KNOW WHATāS HAPPENING BUT THATāS ALL RIGHT I DONāT WANT IT TAKE IT BACK PLEASE
oh thank fuck I think Miruko escaped?? or they just threw her into that wall, at least. well still better then getting your head crushed
and now these two are trying to talk because fuck me I forgot high ends can fucking talk
āh...hero...ā took me a second to figure out what they were saying there but damned if that didnāt send a chill down my spine!
also Miruko really did kick its hand right the fuck off, god I love her. even if it is instantly growing back
you guys I literally canāt stop laughing lol
HAHAHA WEāRE SO FUCKED!?!
ALSO IS THAT ONE GUY CRIMSON RIOT?!!
hmm lol maybe not. idk though he just gave me that vibe
LOOK HOW HAPPY THEY ALL ARE LOL
THEY JUST WANT TO KILL THEM ALL THATāS SO GREAT. THIS IS ALL SO WONDERFUL THEY KOāD MIRUKO IN 0.4 SECONDS AND NOW THEY WANT TO āGO BERSERKā WHAT A GRAND TIME WEāRE IN FOR
LMAO ARE YOU SERIOUS
FUCKING CRUST OUT HERE LIKE TROY WITH THE PIZZA BOXES. DO YOU WANT TO JUST TURN THE FUCK AROUND RIGHT NOW BOY. NGL IF THEY RIP YOUR HEAD OFF IāM NOT EVEN GONNA DO ANYTHING EXCEPT ROLL MY EYES. WATCH HIM NOT SHOUT A WARNING TO THE OTHERS EVEN NOW
(ETA: I s2g though. hello?! is your headset broken???)
and heās being greeted by this big guy with a gear head and a weird lumpy spine
somehow at first I thought that first lump on his back was an āRā symbol because Iām bad at interpreting images, so now I want to call him Rusty because Iām also bad at coming up with nicknames on the spot. Iām sorry Rusty
anyway so Rusty and Crust are immediately getting into an argument and meanwhile Ujiko is just SITTING THERE BECAUSE HE CAN, NOW
because Endeavor, Aizawa, Mic, and the others all decided it was more important to abandon their most important target in favor of trying to contain the comparatively harmless redshirt Noumus in the lobby. which is also pointless, because theyāre not actually containing shit, because there are other exits besides for just the hospital! which they would fucking know if Crust was capable of relaying vital information instead of strategically saving his breath for more important things like sarcastically calling this Rusty guy ācleverā
in conclusion the heroes have all picked the absolute worst time to collectively shit the bed and Iāve had it with them and they all need to retire, except for Miruko. and the kids. who are now soon to be directly in the line of fire thanks to this shitshow
LMAO HORIKOSHI YOU PIECE OF SHIT SOMEHOW I FUCKING KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO PICK THIS WEEK TO ANNOUNCE A BREAK YOU GLEEFUL LITTLE TROLL
and two weeks from now is when Iāll finally be watching the new movie though, so I donāt even know how thatās gonna work lol. guess thatās why they put the extra day in February this year. ah well
anyway! so Miruko is still alive and more reminiscent of Katsuki now than ever, which is fucking great because Crust so far has been exactly as useful as you would expect some stupid old guy with the name ācrustā to be, sigh. anyway Iām glad to see my girlās spirits havenāt been dampened
meanwhile Ujiko straight up did leave Tomura there, which is interesting lol. and so now it looks to be Miruko and Crust (with the latterās contribution extremely in doubt) versus Rusty, Jester, Max Rebo, Girl!Noumu, and Noumu!Riot. Iām strangely not worried for Miruko because I have decided that sheās invincible, and because Horikoshi has graciously nerfed these guys a bit (please accept my dripping-with-sarcasm āgee thanksā, Horikoshi)
but I am however worried about my three sons over on the edge of town who are about to be waylaid by god knows what. not to mention all my other kids 80km away! how will their day be ruined? we shall see!
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