#also also i love that al's voice is somehow so Distinct i can still hear him so clearly in the backing vocals. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

held-under-water-666 · 5 years

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Prey ~ Yandere 2pAmerica x Reader

So this will just be a quick little fic, but if anyone wants a longer version or a continuation with it, I’ll be happy to oblige 🦑🦑

(Also as a side note holy shit I got likes on my last post??? I’m probs more proud than I should be tbh but imma still post garbage on here anyways 👌🏻 here we go bois)

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The streets were quiet tonight, deathly silent aside from the panting emitting from your bloodied mouth, the dragging of your feet on the sidewalk, and the slight buzz of the street lamp ahead of you. Your hand was clasped tightly across your mouth, a desperate attempt to not just calm your gasping breathes, but to more importantly keep the blood from your cut lip falling to the pavement below. He’d find you if you left a trail, he’d done it before. And he’d do it again.

The taste of metallic blood pooled in your mouth as you forced yourself to swallow it, eyes darting carefully around you. You needed to get out of sight, he’d find you if you were out in the light. Carefully, you forced your tired legs to turn toward the alley ahead. You needed to hide, you needed to find someone... but where were you? Was anyone here? Was anyone going to help you in the first place?

The alley was significantly darker than the street, a distinct line of shadows and light at the entrance of it as you stepped forward, legs begging to wobble with exhaustion. How long had you been chained? When was the last time you’d gotten the chance to walk, to run, to merely stand? You were surprised you’d made it this far...

You sighed, slumping against the wall of the building nearby, hand falling slack like the rest of your body as you fell to the ground. Your feet ached something awful, sore from the gravel and concrete you’d run across.

You winced as you shifted, the all too clear memory of the practically impossible escape you’d made. The chances of getting away from Allen was next to zero and yet somehow, you were here, potentially miles away from your capture and torturer, all possible from your malnourished body, legs, a spare minute, a door he’d forgotten to lock, and fate itself being on your side.

Leaning your head back, you sighed, your tattered and oversized shirt not nearly enough to keep you warm on the cool summer night. But it was enough for now. This moment right here was enough for now.

But there, in the distance, a sound cut through the silence.

He was here.

The fear you’d felt so many times before, the fear that threatened to tear you apart from the inside came back with such force that for a moment you thought you were going to throw up. Shakily, you forced your weakened legs to raise the dead weight that was your body. You winced, glancing down at your feet in pain and lifting one up for inspection. And there, at the bottom of your right foot was a cut, blood steadily streaming from the wound, catching the very distant yellow light of the street lamp. You’d been so focused on your mouth bleeding, you didn’t realize you were bleeding else where. And now he’d found you. You’d led yourself into a trap, like a hunter finding the deer he’d shot through the stains of blood it left in the forest.

The panting had started up again before you’d even realized. The shaking had begun, but you didn’t know where to go, where to run, not even where you were- but another step had sounded through the streets and you knew, you knew the sound of them all too well. The sound of heavy boots on concrete, the sound of impending doom, of pain, of heartbreak and of tourture. Of the man who would tell you everyday that he loved you, of the man who simultaneously took you from everything you’d ever known. Who broke you down to this shaking, bleeding form you now were. The hand over your mouth gripped tighter, the blood from your lip seeping through trembling fingers as you heard the steps approach. If you ran now, would he hear? If he caught you running, would he hurt you more? Was it too late to keep running?

And then he spoke. And when he did, tears fell from your eyes before you even knew how to react. His voice was disgusting, you hated it, you hated him. But his voice was also inviting, it was familiar... then again it sounded... angry.

“(Y/n), I know you’re here.” His voice was just around the corner of the alley, a few feet away from your own trembling, aching form. You clutched your side as you doubled over, your heart pounding in your chest, threatening to climb up into your throat and choke you. The impending sobs of terror were clawing away at you and the tears had begun to blur the darkened walls of the alley from your vision.

“I’m going to give you a choice, alright baby?” He sounded tense, his words hushed and low. You could picture his face, the clenched jaw, the vein of anger in his left temple. The bat at his side. “I can come back there and get you,” he stated. “Or you can come to me.”

You swallowed back the sob of fear that came to you. You didn’t want to do this... you didn’t ask for this. You knew what would happen if he came back here. You’ve felt the grip of his hands on your throat, the blows to your back and stomach, seen the anger flare up in his eyes, heard the yells of rage as he turned into that monster you feared all too much. You’ve seen that side of him, you knew it intimately.

And you knew that side of him that wasn’t like that. The side that forgave, the one with the soft, kind eyes, the side with hugs that held you close and pampered you with kissed and told you how much he loved you. You knew this side of him too.

But you didn’t want to have both. You didn’t want to spend the rest of your life with the man who chained you, hurt you, trapped you, preyed upon you.

But you knew you didn’t have a choice.

“(Y/n).” His voice was clipped, short and quick. Time was running out for you and you knew it. “Don’t make me come back there-“

Your legs had started to move before you even registered it. Shakily, you leaned against the wall, hand still over your mouth as you curled your fingers over the edge of the corner. You inhaled, resisting, pushing down every ounce of the need to run back within you as you turned the corner. Your chance to run was gone, it had been from the start.

You stood, facing him with quaking legs as you looked away, shame in your eyes and across your face. Your heart was racing, your eyes still blurred from the tears.

And then suddenly, a touch flitted across your exposed shoulder. You flinched, your balance thrown off as you began to tumble back, giving a small shriek before your arm was grabbed, a strong hand pulling you up and into his body.

You quickly covered your mouth again, almost an instinct from the last hours you’d spent running like that. And you cried. Stifled sobs shook you as your face twisted up in pain, in fear and in acceptance of what had happened. You’d thrown away your chance. Your one and only chance.

Slowly, his nose traced lightly along your face, small kisses being planted across your skin as he held you tightly, possesively, needily.

“(Y/n), why would you do that...?” His grip on your started to become tighter, his arms encapsulating you in a now crushing state as you whimpered in pain. His fingers dug into your back with barely restrained anger. You could feel it, the anger just beneath the surface of the fear he himself had experienced, slowly being taken over with relief. But you’d run away, you’d betrayed him... he gritted his teeth, restraining himself from letting the anger overtake his voice to a shout as he whispered.

“Answer me, damn it!” The harsh hiss in your ear made you flinch as he suddenly grabbed your hand that had covered your mouth. Blood fell down your chin slightly, dripping onto the front of his white tank top, staining it brightly with the color of red.

You cleared your throat, the fear forcing you to reply. “I-I’m so- so sorry-“ you barely managed to get out between the tears as you looked up at him, trying to wipe the blood from your lips, but failing as he gripped your wrist tighter in his own much larger hands.

You saw his face, the anger there in his eyes, the way his teeth flashed as some type of warning, like he wanted to bite you, hurt you with words. His eyes flared for a moment, but it was merely a second before it disappeared, as if that rage on his face never existed before. He’d given you a choice and you chose the right one after all... he’d be going back on his promise if he hurt you.

“I’m so, so s-sorry, Allen-“ you choked out as your back shook from the sobbing. “Please, p-please, forgive me-“ your begging was disgusting to you. You were pathetic, a broken shadow of who you once were.

His face watched you, the way you fell apart right in front of him into the sobbing mess you now were. Watched you fall apart at the seams. And in that moment, he pitied you.

“Please, Al-“

But your continuation of pleas was cut off as a sudden pair of soft lips came down onto yours. You winced, taken aback as he kissed you. It was different than what he usually did to you. They would be harsh, cruel and unforgiving as he’d mark you up in any which way he pleased. But this time, there was something else. His lips trailed softly over yours, and when you stopped hiccuping with tears, he pushed a hand into the back of your head, fingers tangling into your ruffled hair as he pressed harder. He was desperate, but for what you didn’t know. Maybe he was desperate to feel some sort of love from you, to comfort you and protect you. Desperate to make sure you were real, that you were here with him and not still miles away, running from him as fast as you could. Desperate to believe that you wanted him just as much as he wanted you, loved you, cherished you. He didn’t want to hear you beg anymore, not this time. For now he just wanted to know that you were here with him, just the two of you and the buzzing strestlamp across the way.

You gasped as his lips moved against you, rougher, needier in want. He pulled himself closer to you, needing to make sure that you were infact there, that this was real and not some dream. You whimpered as his grip on you tightened. It wasn’t like his other times, when he merely wanted to dominate you. No this time it was revealing of something more, something that made you realize that Allen was human. He held you in fear, a drowning and overwhelming fear of what had just happened. That he could’ve lost you and that he wouldn’t know what to do with himself if he did. He was a controlling, manipulative and abusive human being, but he was a human being nonetheless.

He pulled away, the taste of blood seeping into his mouth as you whimpered, the sting on your lip revived once more. You watched his face, the way he wiped your blood from his lips with his shirt, his eyes and how they held that soft look you rarely saw from him. That look of utter obsessiveness, of need and of control.

“I don’t want you to cry anymore, alright babe?” He said lowly, lifting your chin up towards him as he rubbed a thumb over the edge of your jaw. You swallowed, wanting to avert your gaze, but unable to do so. “Understood?” When he usually said that word, it was harsh, yelled and cruel. But this time is was soft, quiet and borderline caring as he leaned down, his lips connecting with yours once more. You shuddered, wincing but begging yourself not to instinctively pull away. You hated him, you told yourself over and over that you hated him. But when he did this to you, the line between hate and love became blurred. And you hated that too.

He sighed, pulling his lips away and gripping you with force, his body pulled flush against you as the two of you stood there, silence over coming you both as you thought of what was going to happen to you. You could feel the steady beat of his heart in his chest against yours before you dared to speak.

“Allen...” your voice was groggy from the crying. “Are you going to hurt me?” Your words shook slightly in fear of the prospect.

He paused before finally speaking, his eyes looking down into yours. “Not this time, You came back to me, and thats all that matters...” he murmured, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck as you sighed out in relief. Not this time.

The two of you stood there for quite some time, Allen holding you close in silence as he calmed himself down. You were his lifeline, you always had been, you always would be.

“Let’s go home.” He said finally, sighing out as he pulled away from you, letting your body go. You silently moved to take a step, only to yelp in pain as you toppled forward. You winced as he caught you, glancing down at your feet that were still currently bleeding, leaving stained concrete below you. “It’s okay, it’s okay...” Allen murmured quietly as you inhaled sharply at the pain. “I’ve got you-“

He suddenly grabbed you, heaving you up into his stronger arms as he began to walk. You glanced down at the ground as he started back to the woods, watching as the two off you followed the bloody footprints that you’d left behind. He tracked you down, like an animal.

Behind you, the buzz of he street lamp faded, and the yellow, eerie light eventually disappeared before he spoke, hushed in your ear. “You won’t ever do this again.” It wasn’t a question, it was a command. You swallowed, the words wrapping around you like chains, sentencing you to the words he’d spoken.

“Not ever...”

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Heck yeah bois another Drabble/fic of sorts for my boi Allen <3 HIT ME UP if ya have anyone in mind that you’d like me to do ;)

#hetalia fanfiction #yandere 2p hetalia #yandere hetalia #2p hetalia #yandere oneshot #yandere writing #yanderecore #yandere community #aph america

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coeurdastronaute · 7 years

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Essays in Existentialism: Monarchy III

Please tell me you're going to write more of 'Monarchy'!! I loved it!

Previously on Monarchy

It was still hot and balmy, even when the kids went back to school and the businesses reverted to normal hours. Gone was the feeling of summer, though the temperature remained for a little while. Even after Lexa asked and invited her girlfriend to dinner, there was still a little bit of difficulty in planning it. To have everyone home at one time, it was a difficult endeavor to accomplish, and one she didn’t really undertake too eagerly.

Between Lexa trying to fulfill her ever expanding duties, Anya and Bellamy travelling, Aden going back to school, the King being kingly, the Queen being queenly, and a doctor who had more valid excuses than all the rest, it was like wrangling cats. But eventually, it couldn’t be avoided, as those things are known to be.

The back driveway was private, shielded by trees and guards, it was nondescript and carved from the park. But there it stood, tall and grand, stone quarried from the oldest mines, from ancient magic before there even was a city around it. The castle of an icon, and it housed so much that it started to wear it all on its face, etched in the deep grout of the porous stone.

As much as she looked anxiously through the window, Clarke didn’t see any of it though. The nerves ate away at her as s he toyed with the hem of her skirt until Lexa opened her door and took her hand.

The entrance to the residence was everything Clarke had imagined, and yet everything she’d never thought she’d ever see. Lexa kept telling her things, pointing at things, being the generally charming person that she was known to be, doting on her nervous girlfriend.

The ceilings were high, the walls all adorned with intricate work. It felt like a modern take on a museum. Clarke felt like she shouldn’t touch anything or breathe at all, like she’d disturb something and the police would appear out of nowhere and escort her from the premises. Instead, Lexa wove down halls and showed her things that no one else would ever get to see.

“Did you think we’d go through the front door?” Lexa smiled. “With the tourists?”

“Kind of. You own the place, right?”

“It’s going to be fine. We’re just a normal family,” she promised, running her hands along Clarke’s arms, hoping to soothe her.

All Clarke could do was smile and nod before catching a glimpse of the giant portrait on the wall above the roaring fire, adorned in gold and boarded by heavy, lush curtains. It was the definition of opulence and the epitome of old world money. The coat of arms was etched in marble, statues of ancient gods and men wrestling wolves were on heavy oak bookshelves with ancient hardcover novels.

“My parent’s place looks a bit different,” she muttered, earning a chuckle.

“Clarke, please. You know me, and you know who I am. I still like your apartment best.”

Lexa’s words came with her hips swerving closer to Clarke’s, herself getting closer until she grinned and kissed her girlfriend. She didn’t immediately relax, though eventually, the good doctor was unable to fight it too much.

“And they’re going to love you,” Lexa promised, kissing her cheeks until arms wrapped around her neck. “Just like I do. And we get a good dinner. Then maybe I can convince you to spend the night.”

“I’m not spending the night,” Clarke rolled her eyes, pushing Lexa’s shoulder slightly, though it did nothing to deter the lips.

“Why not? I can show you my room.”

“Because you live with your parents and I’m not doing the walk of shame past the Queen and King eating their morning grapefruits.”

“I knew I should have gotten my own place,” Lexa sighed, letting her forehead drop to Clarke’s shoulder where she shook it and groaned.

“You can drop me off at mine,” Clarke promised, smiling at the display of the sulking girl.

It’d been nearly a year since someone asked her if they could buy her a drink in a foreign country with war being fought just miles away. And she was dangerously close to falling in love with that same person who hated eggplant and would give in to seeing movies that she didn’t care about when she got kissed on one particular spot on her neck. Clarke was absolutely falling for the princess who had a huge heart, who did extra visits to wounded veterans, and helped organizations with fundraising. She was falling for the girl who liked to kiss the soft part of skin below her breast, who had dreamy airs about her though no one would know it, who liked to ride buses and the subway and read because it was the quietest most normal she could be.

“And you can come up, if Gus let’s you.”

“Gus is off tonight,” Lexa grinned.

“Al!” the voice boomed from another part of the residence. “Hey, are you here, kiddo?”

“Make sure curtsy when you introduce yourself,” she whispered as Clarke straightened up at the noise and reminder of more people.

“What?” she balked.

It was too late though. Before Clarke could get an answer, she found herself not alone in the room with her girlfriend. Instead, there was a beautiful, leggy woman tugging an equally tall, equally beautiful, lanky man. They glided. Their bodies didn’t seem to adhere to earthly physics. There was a distinct difference between seeing them on television or in a paper, and somehow being in the same room as the god-like heir.

As if it were slow motion, Clarke watched Lexa approach her sibling while noises continued from the back.

“Dad’s cooking,” the princess explained. “Glenna is going to be so mad when she sees what he’s done to her kitchen.”

“It’s going to give you flashbacks,” he explained with a smile.

Clarke swallowed roughly as she watched Lexa hug her sister and kiss her brother-in-law’s cheek. It was too late for her to run, and she knew it. But as nervous as she was, she found a bit of excited there, waiting to see this side of Lexa.

“I told him not to worry about it,” Lexa sighed. “Clarke, this is my sister, Anya. Her husband, Bellamy.”

“It’s so nice to meet you,” the older princess smiled and hugged Clarke, taking her by surprise. Clarke shook her husband’s hand and nodded. “Lex talks about you all of the time.”

“Not all of the time,” Lexa blushed, putting her hand on her girlfriend’s back. She earned a look from the others and cleared her throat. “Okay. All of the time.”

“I told her to stop doing that,” Clarke smiled. “I’m sorry, but did you say that your father was cooking?”

“He likes to wear aprons,” Anya explained.

“Al!” a booming voice called from down the hall.

“I’ll be right back,” Lexa sighed, rolling her eyes. “I’ll grab drinks. Mom texted and said she was running a bit late.”

Clarke accepted a kiss on her cheek from the inevitably future prince as he greeted her, though she was very eager to cling to Lexa’s hand and keep her close. There was no stopping her though, and all she was left to do was take a seat across from some very eager people with wolfish eyes, eager to get to know her.

“So,” Anya smiled as they settled. “You were over there?”

Clarke stared at her for a moment, because apparently they were getting right into it. She should have expected nothing less from the future queen.

“Yes. I was. I was a combat medic, triage consultant, and then I worked with setting up local hospitals.”

“Was it dangerous?” Bellamy worried, leaning forward slightly.

“At times. Lexa likes to remind me that I took more fire than she did. I guess I got used to it.”

“Alright, well I thought hearing Lex talk about her time was badass, but in under two sentences you’ve beat her out.”

“Really,” her husband nodded in agreement.

“My sister has to be the only person who can go to war and find a girlfriend,” Anya shook her head, still slightly amazed.

“I think I might be the only person who can go to war and come home to date a princess.”

“Those do seem like steeper odds,” Bellamy grinned. “I never thought Lexa would pick a smart one.”

It wasn’t approval, and it wasn’t it all, but still, Clarke relaxed slightly. She wasn’t sure how she’d expected it to go, and she hadn’t explicitly thought that she’d be given a rough go or hard time, but that didn’t stop every worst case scenario from haunting her for the past week.

By the time Lexa made it back in, she heard the laughter and felt herself relax. She hadn’t worried herself too much. She knew her family would be polite and accommodating. But she also knew that they could do that with every one. Their real opinions could be seen in the small parts of their interactions. But it wasn’t Anya’s fake laugh, and it wasn’t her fake contrived kind of conversation. It made Lexa feel better instantly.

“I swear, I watched it at a cafe in town,” Clarke explained. “Thank you,” she smiled and took a glass handed to her. “And the merchandise was all knock offs of knock offs. Your pictures were… let’s just say terrible. I saw a kid selling pictures and I think they just picked random pictures and edited them. It was funny.”

“I wish I could have seen that, honestly,” Anya chuckled. “I can’t believe they were showing it.”

“They did. There were parties in your honor well into the night.”

“And I missed all of them for your boring reception,” Lexa complained as she put her hand back on her girlfriend’s back after dispersing drinks to everyone. “Anya’s playing nice?”

“She didn’t believe you could fly a helicopter.”

“How else do you think I got her to date me,” she told her sister who just rolled her eyes.

As much as Clarke felt slightly more at ease to be over the first hurdle and doing relatively well at it, there was something about just being near Lexa that helped even more. Watching her joke with her sister and brother-in-law was exciting, and being a part of it was almost normal.

Somewhere deep into their first round of drinks, the nerves came back. It coincided directly with the addition of another few members of the family.

“Hi, sorry we’re late.”

The body attached to the voice was the one that Clarke dreaded most of all. In an instant she stood quickly, oddly unsure of why her muscles reacted like that. Lexa shared a look with her sister and smiled, following suit.

“You’re not late. Dad’s cooking,” Lexa informed her mother as she handed her purse to the woman following her.

“I told him not to do that,” the Queen sighed and accepted a kiss on her cheek from her daughter.

“Mom, this is Clarke. Clarke, this is my mother, Ev.”

“It’s… it’s a pleasure to meet you, your majesty?” Clarke furrowed and couldn’t understand her own words.

The entire world was quiet. The rest of the room held it for a moment before laughing.

“Just Ev is fine,” the Queen shook her hand. “Did she tell you to curtsy too?” Clarke gave Lexa a look and pursed her lips, but all she got was a smile in return. “Why do you do this to people?”

“To ease her nerves. She was anxious about meeting you all for some reason.”

“Are you sure about her?” the mother asked, looking at Clarke seriously. “You don’t have to date her, you know.”

“I’ll answer that at the end of the night,” she promised, earning a smile.

There were a lot of them, it felt like. Clarke wasn’t accustomed to it, nor was she used to her girlfriend being nervous. Lexa was quiet, stoic, stalwart even. But now, there was a different pitch to her voice, a kind of overcompensating smile on her lips as she became hypersensitive to every word and conversation, because this was new and important and a first. They reassured each other, as much as a pair of drowning mice could reassure the other.

“Shall we go check on dinner and hope we have something to eat?” the Queen ventured.

They all continued down a hall until everything opened and the kitchen appeared, large and magnificent and busy, very busy. If Clarke had ever imagine the state of her life when meeting the King, surely she’d never considered he’d be wearing an apron and arguing with his wife while it happened.

The entire scene was too perfect, too domestic. They tried so hard to be normal, it was like acting in a middle school play.

“This might be the most embarrassing night of my life,” Lexa whispered, half to herself, half to her sister, who just laughed and enjoyed it.

It was very normal, and almost like it wasn’t happening in the private residence side of the palace. It was just Lexa’s parents. The highly recognized and guarded leaders of the country. The descendents of a long, long, long line of rulers who waged wars across the world. They were just Lexa’s parents though, and very far from people who were on stamps.

“Oh no…” Lexa muttered, mortified at her father.

Tall and sturdy, the man whose face appeared on the coinage of their country stood in the kitchen, gingerly fanning a large pan of lasagna, robe covering his nice clothes, large crown, sash and military medals firmly on his chest.

“He didn’t,” Anya gasped, the amusement trickling into her breath.

“He did,” Bellamy sighed.

“Why are you dressed like that?” The queen was the first to speak, earning her husband’s attention.

“It’s an auspicious occasion. My daughter finally brought someone home. I had it declared a national holiday.”

Clarke couldn’t take her eyes off of him while the rest of the family held in their laughter and Lexa tried to melt from embarrassment into the floor.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Griffin.”

It wasn’t the large, formal dining room, thankfully. It wasn’t even the smaller one. Despite her father’s antics, Lexa was mollified to find that he quickly took off his coat to reveal his normal button down, and his own amusement at his daughter's embarrassment at an all time high. She actually breathed a sigh of relief as she saw their normal dining room prepared. Thy gave the staff the night off, as they did from time to time, and they pretended.

All through dinner, she tried to relax, but it was difficult. She wanted Clarke to be comfortable, and her family seemed set on making her life difficult. But deep down, she knew her worries were for nothing.

“My mother called me non-stop for three hours,” Clarke explained, earning laughs from the table as their dishes were taken away.

“How was I supposed to know there were two Dr. Griffin’s?” Lexa begged.

“You have an entire government agency at your fingertips,” Aden reminded her. “You didn’t think to ask?”

“I thought it’d be creepy.”

“It would have been,” Bellamy assured her.

All Lexa could do was smile when Clarke rubbed her knee under the table. Just like that, she was new and herself and everything was normal. It was her favorite part, the thing she couldn’t really explain to anyone. She just felt better when she remembered the pretty doctor.

“Thank you,” the Queen nodded as coffee was brought out and set out on the table. “I want to hear the real story of what happened, right from Clarke. All Lexa tells us is you met oversees.”

“Yeah, I want to hear officially as well,” Anya leaned forward.

“Oh, I, uh,” Clarke swallowed slightly and turned to her girlfriend. Lexa was too distracted by how well she did with her family. “I had just finished setting up a clinic. It was my first time back at base in about a month. I went to the bar, and a pilot came up and asked to buy me a drink. Pretty simple story.”

“Nice,” the King nodded thoughtfully. “Very classic move. That’s how I got your mother.”

“No it’s not,” she rolled her eyes.

“And then I came back for the wedding, we met up when I got back, and--”

“I asked Clarke, Lexa,” her mother cut her off. “You gloss. You’re a terrible storyteller.”

“I don’t know,” Clarke disagreed gently with a smile to her girlfriend. “She would have everyone laughing, telling these stories of people she’d met growing up, things she’d seen. I liked the one about the ambassador who burned his crotch with the soup.”

“I’d say it’s a touch too hot!” Anya and Lexa laughed, quoting the story in unison.

“And I kind of liked when she would tell us the old myths. She told us battles and families and all of it, with a little magic,” Clarke continued earnestly. “That was one of the first nights. We were across the world, and all was quiet, and she told me the story of how she got the call sign Wolf.”

“Lexa talked all night?” Aden asked in pure disbelief. “I don’t think she can say more than a hundred words per day.”

“Per year,” Bellamy amended.

“Very funny,” the princess grunted.

“And what do you think,” the king spoke up. “About those stories?”

“I think they’re nice. I saw a lot of things. Of… I saw lots of not magic when I was over there,” Clarke nodded. “I saw a lot of miracles too. Extraordinary times bring out both ends of the spectrum.”

“Did she tell you how she’d howl as a kid?” he grinned, satisfied with the doctor’s answer.

“Oh, not this,” the Queen shook her head and hid her smile as she sipped her coffee. “You’ve embarrassed her enough.”

“You howled?”

“I still do,” Lexa boasted.

“Don’t you dare,” her mother warned as the siblings exchanged glances. Helplessly, Clarke looked to Bellamy, who knew exactly was about to happen and watched his wife with rapt attention. “Alex, I swear,” she looked to her husband. “Aden, don’t you--”

The howls started and Clarke looked at her girlfriend, that twinkle in her eye, and she couldn’t help but realize what a nerd she’d fallen for beneath all that bravado.

“This is what I have to put up with,” the Queen explained to Clarke.

“Wait, so what did you do?” Anya asked, furrowing and leaning forward, her full attention on the doctor across from her.

The living room was cozy, and the drink helped make her a little brave. Their party shrunk slightly, with Bellamy, Lexa, and Aden excusing themselves to watch a game in the den while everyone else settled in chairs. It took Clarke insisting for Lexa to go, though as soon as she was gone, she got a little nervous.

Her nerves were not useful though. She fixed hearts under gunfire. She could handle a queen. She could handle her girlfriend’s father, surely.

“There’s only so much you can do in that moment,” the doctor explained. “So I improvised. We used duct tape, and I used a straw for his lungs, inserted right about here,” she pointed to her own side.

“Wow,” the princess breathed. “You really were in the thick of it.”

“It was my godmother’s home. I couldn’t let it go without a fight.”

“That is a noble pursuit,” the Queen smiled.

Clarke thanked her with a nod, caught by her eyes and how much they were like her daughter’s. Though Anya took after her mother much more than Lexa, there were still bits of her there. Mannerisms and movements, especially. The Queen was beautiful and kind, stern and loving to her family, welcoming to guests. She had Lexa’s stoicism, which most would wrongly attribute to the king.

“You work with your mother now?”

“She’s the chief,” Clarke nodded. “I get to see her pretty often.”

“I’m sure she wasn’t happy you were going away to a warzone.”

“Not at all,” she agreed. “But she understood. When I called her from the plane on my way.”

“What do you think of it?” the King asked. “The war.”

“Oh, honey, leave it for the night.”

His eyes grew heavy with the thoughts. Clarke saw the weight it must have had on him. Strong as he was, hidden as he kept it all, it was right there. Still, despite his wife’s insistence, Clarke knew that he expected an honest answer.

“I think that I was over there too long to answer that question fairly.”

“That was some expert political maneuvering,” Anya chuckled to ease the mood as she sat back on her chair and sipped her drink.

“She just might survive dating Al after all,” the King nodded.

The night was cold, but still, Clarke followed when requested. It seemed like her only option, and she didn’t know much else or way out of it, with Lexa still distracted and not around to rescue her.

That was how she ended up in the private garden of the palace with the Queen. A sentence she never imagined stringing together, though her life seemed quite populated by those things now that she met Lexa. Things changed. Lots of things. Everything, actually.

“Alex was excited because he loves putting on a show,” the Queen explained. “I invited you to test you.”

“Test me?”

“You’re not stupid, Clarke. You’re brilliant, well-spoken, polite, courteous, all the makings of a fine wife.”

“Wife?” she gulped.

“You know what dating my daughter means.” It wasn’t a question, and this time Clarke didn’t have to ask dumbly to hide her own anxiety. “You’ve thought out every scenario.”

“I’m not… I don’t… I like Lexa. She came out of nowhere, and I wasn’t expecting it.”

“But you’ve thought about what this will mean, haven’t you? To come out, in her position. To be the topic of every newspaper story for the rest of your life.”

“I’ve tried to imagine,” Clarke corrected. “I have no idea what it will mean or feel like.”

“I’m not trying to dissuade you, you know?” the mother crossed her arms and stared out at the trees in the distance. “I’m trying to prepare you.”

“I know.”

“I love my daughter very much. I failed her once. I won’t fail her again.”

For a moment they were quiet, caught out on the porch among the chill of the season and the winter night that wanted to numb them completely. Clarke had not anticipated this kind of talk, nor had she planned for the night, though she thought it went better than possible.

“Lexa is genuinely good,” Clarke said to the night, not looking at the mother. “Sometimes you see pictures on the news and you know it’s for a photo op or something. But Lexa, she’s selfless. She’s brave. She’s got this dry wit that could easily be used with arrogance and condescension, but it’s not. Everything she does, is to elevate someone else. I’ve never met anyone like her. It’s not the schools or the fancy dinners around the world or growing up with a crown. I think you raised an amazing person. And I know I can’t make this process easy, but I do know that I’m going to be here for it all.”

The Queen smiled to herself at the words, though she stared out at the trees and the night and felt warm against the shiver.

“Which was worse, coming to this or triage?”

“The gin over there is terrible. This isn’t bad at all.”

“We should head back in.”

Neither moved.

“It’s kind of nice out,” Clarke offered despite her own shiver.

“It is,” the Queen agreed.

It still wasn’t approval, but it was something.

“Lasagna. He made.... Lasagna…” her friend furrowed and cocked her head at the story.

Clarke just laughed and took another sip of her coffee. It all felt like a dream, and as the words came out, she almost couldn’t believe she’d lived through meeting her girlfriend’s parents either. But telling her best friend made it true, she thought.

“It was actually really good,” Clarke grinned to herself.

“You ate lasagna with the royal family because you’re dating a princess.”

“Yeah, something like that.”

Raven watched and listened as her friend told her about the night, about the queen and how nice everyone was, and how nervous she had been. In high school, she was certain that Clarke would never be anything but wild. But after disappearing across the world for years, she came back different. Not bad, not wounded, but different. Tempered.

The café on the corner beside the hospital was very alive in the mid morning hum. It emptied out of those heading to work and kept busy enough with lollygaggers. Unable to get any sleep after getting called into a trauma after dinner, Clarke was in dire need of caffeine, while her best friend was in need of details.

Without much time to get into it, Clarke sipped her drink and walked with her friend back to the hospital, giving out what she could, answering the obscure questions. The truth was, she hadn’t even had a second to contemplate it all, with the words of the Queen ringing out in her ears in an unending echo of sorts. As brave as she thought herself, something about this huge thing was terrifying her beyond repair.

“Clarke?”

The chill of the day and grey clouds distracted her, though her name warmed her slightly. Raven stopped her excited speculation and turned as well until they both held their breath and came face to face with the charming princess.

“What are you doing here?”

“I know you had a late night. I thought you might need this,” she offered the steaming cup in her hand, frowning slightly as she saw the hand holding another. “But you seem covered in the coffee department.”

“Oh God, yes,” Clarke hummed and quickly took the other one, handing Lexa the already empty cup. “You have no idea how much I needed this.”

With wide eyes, the amused princess watched her girlfriend sip the scalding drink like it was salvation. She didn’t stop after her first sip.

“Hi, I’m Lexa,” she grinned and offered her hand to Clarke’s accomplice who she vaguely recognized from stories.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Raven, is it?”

“Sorry,” Clarke swallowed and took a breath. “Yes. Sorry. Rae, this is Lexa.”

“You think I don’t know the princess of our country?” she scoffed and shook her hand.

All regal and poised, a large tartan scarf the colors of her house hung loosely around her neck, while beneath a tan peacoat a knit sweater betrayed her relaxed demeanor. Clarke just saw adorable. Raven saw the dollar signs and the accumulation of years of polishing school. This woman flew helicopters once, but now she was a princess, even when dressed down.

“I was just catching her up on my date last night,” Clarke explained. “Were you going to come into the hospital?”

“Yeah, this other one was for your mom,” she teased. “Did she tell you about how she dazzled my parents with war stories?”

“She was just getting to the embarrassing stories about your childhood, actually,” Raven corrected. “But she can tell me later. I’ll see you in a bit, yeah?”

“Be right in,” the doctor promised.

“It was a pleasure to meet you,” the princess offered.

It was there, in the smile, in the eyes, that Raven saw the little human part that Clarke claimed existed beyond the postcards and stamps and royal portraits, though she didn’t let herself dwell too much. The princess was dangerous in very unfamiliar ways, and Raven wasn’t sure how she felt, nor how to take her friend since her return. And so she kept quiet and nodded her farewell, leaving the two in their own little world with bodyguards around them, unnoticed by the hustle and bustle of the city.

“My parents loved you, by the way,” Lexa smiled at her girlfriend. “They wouldn’t shut up about you.”

“I actually had a good time.”

“Good enough to let me take you out as a thank you sometime this week?”

“I don’t know if it was that good,” she shrugged. “Did they really like me? You’re not lying to make me feel better?”

“Clarke, I swear,” she promised quickly. “My dad is convinced you’re a genius. Anya liked your stories. Aden just liked your boobs. And my mom liked the way you looked at me, whatever that means.”

“It means I like you, nerd.”

“Yeah, well. I promise.”

“We have a lot to talk about, you know?”

“I know,” Lexa nodded. “But I’m not worried if you’re not.”

For a long time, Clarke stared at Lexa’s earnest eyes and she knew her well. She knew how she ticked and the honor behind her bones. The smile came slowly as she agreed.

“Not a bit.”

“Good. I’ll call you tonight, okay?”

“Sounds perfect.”

“I really wish I could kiss you, but I suspect we’re both not there yet, just in case.”

“I wouldn’t want Gus to see, naturally.”

“You’re seriously my favorite person, did you know that?” Lexa shook her head and chuckled.

“I had a suspicion. Now get out of here. Go behead commoners or kiss babies or whatever it is you spend your day doing.”

“Beheadings are on Thursdays, but I do think I have some babies to kiss.”

“Get out, I mean it,” Clarke teased, nudging her slightly. “Unless you bring me more coffee.”

“You’re cut off.”

With a smile on her lips, Clarke stood there and watched Lexa give her a wink and wave before having Gus approach as they moved toward the car on the curb. She inhaled and held the cold air in her lungs and jostled the warm coffee in her hand, unsure of how in the world the past twenty-four hours had even happened.

The pictures that came should have been expected, however, Clarke was surprised by them. Everything was too perfect, too calm, too normal, that naturally, everything just seemed to fall into place, and that was too shortly lived. The pictures weren’t terrible, but the people taking them were.

The one that was her favorite was when Lexa was explaining, leaning close and pointing at the pitch. They looked happy, to Clarke. She looked happy, though she was so unaccustomed to seeing herself through someone else’s candid lens.

The headlines didn’t help. The guessing and questioning and theories about her identity. It all made Clarke obscenely self-conscious. Two official dates in public, and everything changed, just like she knew it would, but also in ways she never expected.

“You shouldn’t read those,” Lexa sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed as she pulled on her pants and socks.

“We shouldn’t have gone together,” Clarke realized as she flipped another page.

“Do you mean that?”

Her shoulder’s fell slightly, though she refused to look back at the naked girl in the bed, hidden under a heavy quilt and sunshine. The colors of the lights faded against the day, and Lexa missed them greatly.

“No,” she huffed and turned the page, agitated with herself.

With a small smile and relaxing of the muscles of her shoulders, Lexa let her foot drop before taking a beat. It was early and the sun was that cold kind of sun that feels violent despite the weather. Snow would be fresh out there. Gus would be waiting beside the car out there. In here, things were different. Things were warm and safe and quiet.

“It’s only going to get worse.”

“You walked into my bar in another country and I’m on the cover of every newspaper in the city--”

“Probably the world,” Lexa reasoned, looking for her shirt on the ground.

“You’re missing the point. I just… this is fast.”

“Nothing is happening.”

“According to this one, a lot is,” Clarke argued, opening another after tossing the last on a pile. “I didn’t think.”

“Nothing is going to change, but I am not going to waste my time not spending it with you because of those stupid things.” In a huff, Lexa pulled the shirt over her head and brought it down with force.

“Still.”

“Stop looking at these,” she insisted, grabbing the papers and shoving them from the bed to the floor. “We’ve talked about it. This is how we do it. My family knows how to handle this. Hell, we’ve survived worse scandals than this. Do you want to go out with me again?”

“It’s harder to answer when you’re dressed.” The princess cocked her head and pursed her lips at the blonde in the bed who eyed her warily. “Tomorrow?”

“Stop reading these. I mean it. I like you, Clarke.”

“Good,” she decided, tugging on her arm until Lexa hovered over her in bed. “I’m sorry. It’s just weird and new and scary.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” Lexa promised, kissing her softly. “Don’t freak out. You’ve bandaged people with mortars going off around you.”

“Yeah, well that seems a lot more reasonable than those.”

“Okay,” she smiled, kissing her again. “I have to go or my sister will send the Bravo team and the palace guard after me.”

“See, jokes like that aren’t funny,” Clarke pushed herself up in bed and watched Lexa move around the apartment.

“A little funny.”

An entire multicolor galaxy covered the bare back in the bed. Lexa was intimately distracted with it. She skated her fingertips along each color, watching the blues and reds and greens and oranges meld together so that Christmas appeared in her hands.

A small hum emerged as shoulders rolled, stretching under the careful parade of reverence. The sheet stayed on her hips as she rolled over. Lexa moved with it, draping herself over Clarke’s hip. She didn’t care that she was covered in the same christmas light colors. She only cared about the creamy skin under her hand. She splayed her palm over sternum as Clarke took a deep breath. She bent down and kissed the black and blue bruise that slumbered beneath skin on Clarke’s hip.

“I like your decorations,” Lexa whispered. Absently, Clarke ran her nails along Lexa’s thigh, stretching herself out diagonally across the bed. “I want some of these lights. You’re covered in colors.”

“What am I going to do with you, princess?”

“I don’t think there’s much left,” she grinned, biting at hipbone before resting her cheek there. “You did a few things I’m going to be a fan of already.”

“You’re hopeless.”

“I am.”

Clarke shook her head and laid her head down again, letting the girl in her bed run her hands over her body in ways that were innocent enough, but torture at the worst. It wasn’t a terrible way to spend a night.

“What’s it like to fly?” Clarke whispered. “You said you missed it, at dinner, and I guess I never thought about what it must be like.”

“Wonderful. Terrifying. I’ve never felt more at home.”

“How did you pick it?”

“They wouldn’t allow me to do anything dangerous. I wanted to be strike team, but that was too much in the thick of it. This was a compromise.”

“What did you do? I always just thought you flew around. There had to be more to it.”

“I provided cover support, evac, eyes if needed.”

“You can’t keep doing that,” Clarke whined, eyes fluttering shut as Lexa’s fingers swirled around her nipple. “I can’t think straight.”

The only response she got was a chuckle and contented sigh. A hand still raked over her body, cupping and playing with the colors.

“Do you think you might want to come over for small party tomorrow night?” Lexa murmured, furrowed and contemplative and tongue thick with asking.

“To your house?”

“Well, yeah. It’s just my family. Not much of a party. But we do family things.”

“You don’t have to invite me, you know?”

“I want to. They like you a lot.”

Far away was the pub and the game and the party at the palace. Long forgotten was the flying and Gus and her family that she would see in the morning. The entire universe was splashed under her fingertips, and Lexa tried to place herself in the spectrum of time and space, but failed, instead choosing this moment to be the anchor for all else, all history and future and lives sprouted from this.

“You look like you’re thinking too hard for someone who is naked in bed,” Clarke teased, pushing aside Lexa’s hair on her temple, dragging her fingers through it, earning a hum.

“I wish I could freeze time. I’m quite happy right now.”

“Sex usually helps.”

“Yeah, I liked that.”

“The night’s not over, you know,” Clarke moved, pulling herself closer so she could kiss Lexa’s knee. “Unless your car turns into a pumpkin or something.”

“It won’t.”

“Good.”

In a second, Lexa moaned and decided freezing time would be the next skill she attempted to acquire. For she was happy, and she only just realized that it was a state she’d been inhabiting for a long time. With a warm mouth on her skin, she hoped it was a place she’d inhabit forever.

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alexanderwrites · 7 years

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“I have a sense of humour, I laugh at Tony Danza”: A retrospective of King of the Hill’s early years, 20 years on

The first scene in the first episode of King of the Hill sees 4 guys standing around outside, drinking beer, and talking about last night’s Seinfeld. The scene ends with the line “I tell you what man, them dang old New York boys. Just a show about nothing”. Right from the opening moments, we’re hit with a great self-awareness and a very 1990′s kind of irony, because King of the Hill, like Seinfeld, was a show about nothing.

Maybe I should clarify. I don’t think Seinfeld really was a show about nothing (it’s a common misconception that the show ever sold itself as that. It never did - it was actually just the label George applied to his sitcom idea) but instead, a show that seemingly made something from nothing. Both KotH and Seinfeld were oddities of their time, neither of them housing notable gimmicks or concepts to base their episodes around. Instead, there was a looseness to both of their styles, and to the way in which they approached their subjects, a freedom to be their own thing which set them miles apart from their contemporaries.

When KotH came around in 1997, the other animated show to which it could most easily be compared to (on the surface, at least) was in actuality the furthest thing from it - unlike other animated family sitcoms, almost nobody has ever accused of KotH of ripping off The Simpsons. The shows were never rivals, due in part to KotH and The Simpsons being on the same network (KotH followed The Simpsons on Sunday evenings), but also because there weren’t many easy ways to compare them. Sure they were both animated shows about middle American families, but KotH had such a distinctive voice of its own that it’s possible to love both it and The Simpsons without making them battle it out for supremacy. In fact, their difference allows them to complement each other fairly nicely, and there are a lot of episodes of both shows that would pair well with each other.

While South Park, which also came out in 1997, had an attention grabbing coarseness which allured both College kids and younger kids looking for something to watch when their parents went to bed, and The Simpsons was, well, the biggest show on earth, KotH had to carve out a niche of its own, but a niche big and stable enough for it to survive. It was a little show that had an impossibly enormous task to take on: to follow The Simpsons. And not just The Simpsons, but 1997 The Simpsons. Height of it’s popularity, biggest show of all time, The Simpsons. And remarkably, whilst also being one of the slowest and most idiosyncratic shows on Fox, KotH managed to do so.

It was beneficial to the show that Creator Mike Judge had a solid history, creating the equally as unlikely cult hit Beavis and Butthead for MTV which, on looking back, shares a great deal in common with KotH. Both are shows that are distinctively recognisable and very much products of their time, and both function primarily as cult oddities that somehow crossed over into the general consciousness. Looking back on them today, it’s hard to believe they were as massive as they were; it’s both heartening that they did so well, but disheartening to think that they might struggle if they came along now. While KotH has a devoted fanbase, and, yes, a strong presence in memes (Mike Judge’s classic Office Space, which is as close as you can get to live action KotH, similarly has been immortalised in memes) and youtube edits, these are primarily perpetuated from built-in fans who grew up on the show. But, maybe in the age of Netflix, we can hope that new generations will keep discovering it (the catch-22 of streaming services is that while they might reignite interest in animations like KotH, they force us to remember that animations such as Drawn Together existed. Shudder). It’s not that common to hear much mention of KotH outside those who dearly love it, which has as much to do with its unassuming style as it has to do with the fact that it’s the shortest lived of the Big Animated shows. The show went out on top after a damn impressive and consistent 13 seasons, at which point, despite solid ratings, it was cancelled to make room for the short-lived and poorly received The Cleveland Show. If you could possibly need more ammunition to hate Fox repeat that to yourself: King of the Hill was cancelled to make room for The Cleveland Show.

Right until the end, KotH was well received and admired, and the consistency it maintained was not just of quality but of style. What was essential to its success was that instead of needing to shake up the style or the voice of the show to simply keep it fresh, what it focussed on was developing and refining that voice. And it helped that the voice was pretty powerful right from the start.

King of the Hill’s first season was short but strikingly strong. At 12 episodes long, it has a tightness and sense of direction that serves as a sort of mission statement for where the show would go in the future. It’s kind of incredible to see characters presented in the very first episodes of a show that feel fully formed, and that more or less, remain the same throughout their 13 years on our screens. Like Seinfeld, Peep Show or, and stay with me here, The Sopranos, what makes King of the Hill’s characters work so brilliantly is that they are fleshed out people from the start, with the writers revealing essential and complex aspects of them over the years, rather than randomly gluing traits on to them in an attempt to shake things up. They always act in character. Everything you find out about them - their fears, prejudices, their weaknesses - are there from the start, waiting to be uncovered. But what also links these four shows is the maddeningly realistic difficulty the characters have in trying to change. It’s that frustrating feeling that they should be learning something, but a fundamental stubborn-ness - and humanness - hinders their doing so. And so, Hank is endlessly desperate to keep things the way they are, and Peggy is desperate to be proven right (and she usually is, by the way). But underneath that stubborn-ness, there is a sweet, kind-hearted want for things to be better, and for people to be better. And that’s what KotH is nearly always about - people struggling with every day problems and trying to grow from that, whether they’re successful or not.

The second episode Square Peg, is an unusually good sophomore episode which follows Peggy trying to overcome her nervousness at having to teach a sex ed class. It’s a simple premise, but from it grows a story with character development - or at least an attempt at it - that feels natural to who Peggy fundamentally is. Instead of going off in absurd directions, the episode takes the time to explore the reasons that Peggy struggles to even say the names of sexual organs, and sympathetically follows her through her self-taught breakthroughs. It’s heartfelt, but funny - hearing Peggy enthusiastically shout “Vaaaa-ginaaaa!” is one of the biggest laughs of the season.

Even in episodes that prefer to focus on something absurd like Bobby practicing flirtation and kissing on a plastic doll’s head, there is a truthfulness to the characters that make the silliness feel realistic. Of course Bobby would do that because he’s silly, awkward and kind of weird. But how do we know that? Because the show shows rather than tells us that in stories that are always on point and within the realm of believability (except, maybe for Hank’s clothes being torn off by a tornado as he holds on for dear life to a telephone pole. But that’s so funny that it doesn’t matter). The second season episode, Meet The Manger Babies, is one of the finest examples of how an inherently funny premise (and execution - Brittany Murphy’s voice work throughout this show was phenomenal) can still work even when it secretly hides a genuinely moving backstory. Luanne is revealed to be the product of a severely broken home, and a throw-away line when Hank points out that she has a natural talent with puppets reveals that she’s used to using puppets from her visits from social workers. The episode hears her talking bleakly about the world, about how everything is going to hell, and the story tells us that she just wants some sort of stability and reliability in her life; even if it is Hank showing up as God in her performance. The heartache of Luanne doesn’t detract from how funny the episode is, but it really does enhance it. A lesser show would’ve thoroughly mocked Luanne for putting on a christian puppet show, and while KotH does poke fun at some of the stranger products of Christian America, it also understands Luanne and gives reasoning to her beliefs. She’s not stupid for putting on the show, she’s just looking for answers and comfort in a world that has treated her awfully.

While the complexity in these characters lives is evident, and while the show is frequently touching, it never forces on the viewer any easy or saccharine view of things, and never, even under the complex morality plays that occur, does the show stop being funny. Watching them back, these first seasons are consistently funny, with every episode providing a wealth of quotable lines. The second season episode, The Son That Got Away, in particular has an exceptionally high laugh quotient. Hank’s “Bobby, Al Yankovich blew his brains out in the late 80′s after people stopped buying his records” and Dale’s suspicious yet oblivious “How’d he know I wanted a beer?” in regards to Johnny Redcorn answering yes to Dale’s wife when she asks “You want a beer, sug’” are some of the hardest times i’ve laughed at this, or any show.

It’s in the greatness of the scripting (Hank angrily telling someone “You take that back!” after they tell him John Wayne’s real name was Marion is the funniest possible reaction to that fact), but also in the voice work which is outstanding all-round. To hear voice work this good on a show from 1997 is unusual, and it’s even more unusual to hear a seasoned character actor playing a series regular - Stephen Root steals almost every scene he’s in as Bill. Kathy Najimy and Pamela Aldon both absolutely kill it with their voice work, making every punchline of theirs sell perfectly, whilst also bringing nuance to their characters. And Mike Judge has Hank’s voice down from the moment he speaks, intonation and everything. It’s always a blast just to hear the characters talk, and these early seasons prove that KotH is a contender for best Cast for any animated show, past or preset.

There is a certain magic in these early seasons being hand-drawn. The character designs are distinctive and expressive (I personally adore the widening of Hank’s eyes when he’s in shock, and Bobby just looks so damn funny without even saying a word), and realistically detailed in a manner that fits the show superbly. With wider shots of the landscape and the town, it was often downright beautiful, with a warm mood and tone of its own that makes me miss hand-drawn cartoons very deeply. There is an attention to detail in it which mirrors the show’s excellent observation of both the positives and negatives of the small town in which they live. The satire is deceptively sharp, especially watching it 20 years on. A particularly good second season episode focusses on gender inequality in schools, and how under-funded the girl’s sports facilities are. It’s a sharp-toothed episode that exposes the ingrained sexism in the town, sexism that doesn’t leave itself at the door - Hank is one of the worst perpetrators of it in the episode. And we get one of the best and most prescient lines of dialogue about sexism i’ve heard in a show - when Bobby faces the fact that he will for the first time have to prove himself as a good Wrestler to stay on the team instead of automatically having a place now that a girl has joined and there are less spaces, he says “Yeah, and it's worse when they take away our favours, 'cause we're used to getting them.”. That line is applause worthy, and a good example of how good KotH was at tackling sexism. It gets extra credit for making a point to not make the girl, Kahn Jr, feel guilty for joining the team and instead pointing directly at the school and staff’s sexist policy and their refusal to cater in any manner for the girls of the school.

As well as sexism, racism is satirised when a Laotian family move onto the street, and characters, ‘likeable’ or not, performed painful but realistic and well-observed displays of racism, be it hateful or just ignorant. KotH didn’t shy away from these subjects and we should be glad that it didn’t - it was a satire, after all - one of nuance and experience that wasn’t afraid to pick out its characters flaws and expose them, always to strong and funny effect.

From episode to episode, it could bounce from functioning as a broader animation, to a social satire, to a heartfelt character study, and was often all these things at once. The episodes that i’ve rewatched lately from Seasons 1 & 2 are miraculously good - watching them again after so long feels like seeing an old friend who you realise you still have everything in common with, and not only that, but there are new things you didn’t realise you liked about them. The references to Seinfeld in the first episode might sound dated, but the only way in which KotH has dated is in the fact that there’s nothing like it on TV today. I didn’t just compare it to Seinfeld because they’re both 90′s comedies, instead I compared it because it’s the only comedy as methodical, precise and in its own unique mould that I can recall that managed such great success (and The Simpsons. But if I start talking about The Simpsons, I will not stop). I’m eternally grateful that KotH made it to 13 seasons (13 Seasons!!! That is A LOT of TV!!) and i’m excited to keep going with this rewatch, especially as there are dozens of episodes I didn’t see the first time around. It’s a warm but alert look at subtly flawed people - flawed in the every day sense - and a show that deserves to be remembered as one of the best comedies, animated or otherwise, ever made. 20 years on, its status as a classic only becomes more concrete.

#king of the hill #animation #article #tv #hank hill #writing #essay

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leaparrish · 7 years

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Somehow Nobody Died (part two) || AJ, Blanche, Dustin, Lea, and Quinn

Backdated to June 3rd, 2017 - post-prom adventures featuring a truck and a diner.

Getting to the truck was hard enough work, wrangling the three drunkards like they were cattle and directing them towards the spot where AJ had parked his truck had been no easy task, but somehow the five of them arrived in one piece without anybody running off into traffic or a member of administration chasing out after them. "Quinn and Dustin you guys get in the back." He pointed to the bed of the truck. His car was not exactly ideal for driving multiple people home, but he figured it was better than nothing else. "And stay down because a cop will pull us over if they see you." AJ climbed into the driver's side and leaned over to push the passenger door open for the two girls. Lea climbed in first and sat in the middle while Blanche hopped in the last open seat. "There's a window right behind you if you want to talk to your brother." AJ mumbled, starting the truck and saying a silent prayer that it didn't choose tonight to finally give out on him. Glancing over at Blanche, clearly stuck in her own drunken world made AJ point to the lock on the door and speak to Lea, "And lock her in please."

This was absolutely not how her evening was supposed to go. A frown still on her face, Lea made her way out to AJ's truck with the rest of them, pulling herself up and into the front seat, silently buckling herself in as she let out a sigh. She was doing this for Dustin, she reminded herself. Because she did love him and did care about him and had to make sure he actually got home, even though the fact that he'd hugged her back in the gym was still a bit - or rather a lot - weird. "Got it." She replied tersely to AJ, reaching over Blanche's lap and pushing the lock on the door. She pulled out her phone and opened up her group text with Katie and Jenna, sending the two of them a small message before closing it and holding the phone on her lap.

The trip to the car took far longer than Quinn expected it to. They were stumbling about, laughing far too loudly, and he was pretty much attached to Dustin's hip. By the time he actually reached the truck, he was fairly disheveled. His jacket and vest had been unbuttoned, and the bowtie was hanging limply from his neck. He'd even undone the top two buttons of his shirt. It was too stuffy in the suit, even outside. "The back? That sucks," Quinn mumbled, and pouted. With a huff, he did his best to climb into the back of the truck, but it was surprisingly difficult. He leaped up the first time and failed, groaning as his body hit the side. "Fuck," he mumbled, finally managing to clamber into the truck and falling heavily onto the bed. "C'mon Dustin," he said, reaching out to try and help his boyfriend.

"Are you kidding me?" Dustin exclaimed. "The back is the best part of a truck! I've always wanted to travel in the back. We can totally recreate that movie, you know, with prom and the teenagers in the truck and the ugly clock." He tried climbing into the back, an endeavour that was hindered by his current lack of balance but helped by his height and enthusiasm to get inside the back. Gripping Quinn's hand, he finally landed inside, and he started laughing loudly when he landed half on top of Quinn. "Not exactly how I picture myself on top of you," he told him, grinning, before getting back upright and starting to poud against the window separating the back from the front. Then, he decided to just try opening it - and surprisingly, it worked. "Hey!" Dustin smiled at them. "Can you hear me through here? I'm not sure you can hear me. And that would suck, a lot. You should be able to hear me, because I wanna talk to you guys."

Blanche was calmer once she had left the building with the scary ghosts and stopped trying to run away, but she was babbling incoherently to her Granny, who was, for once, trying to get her to to be quiet. Blanche grinned widely as she hoisted herself in AJ's truck after Lea and sitting herself down. "This truck's nice!" Blanche said to nobody in particular. "I like it-- it's bigger than my little car! My little car is parked waaaaaaaaaay on the other end of the building. It's blue- I really like the color blue but my Granny says it makes me look tacky." She nodded, once again becoming amused by how her curls bounced in front of her face. She leaned back as Lea reached to lock the door. "You're pretty." Blanche said, reaching to pat her on the shoulder. "I like that dress a lot, the lace and stuff compliments it." She nodded once, fumbling with her seatbelt to strap herself in, before she let out a gasp, turning in her seat. "You're pretty too AJ!! Don't worry!! I like your suspenders!!" Blanche announced, before Dustin's voice came floating to her through the open window. "I can hear youuuu!!!" Blanche exclaimed happily, leaning towards it. "Hiiiii Dustin! My Granny says hi too!!!" 'No I did not! Blanche! Stop this nonsense right now! Blanche turned her head. "You did too!" She whispered. "Don't be rude!"

"Wow that's so interesting" AJ answered Blanche blandly, afraid that she would just repeat herself but louder if she realized that she was being ignored. AJ grinned as she turned her focus towards Lea and then immediately transitioned to eye rolling when Blanche felt the need to compliment him too. "Thanks. For a second there I thought you forgot about me. I was heartbroken." Then she started talking to herself again. Or rather, something that was near her. "Am I dropping you and your brother off first Lea?"

Lea smiled briefly at Blanche. "Thanks a bunch. I like the color a lot." Making sure to hold onto her phone, she turned around to the window at Dustin's comment. "Yes, big brother, I can hear you. Try going a little louder, maybe. I think the folks in Portland might not be able to hear you." She gave another huff, and replied to AJ without looking at him. "Sure, we don't live too far from here." Though then he'd know where they lived. Shoot. "We probably have to get home soon, anyhow." She ran a hand through her loose curls, nervously twisting the ends around her fingertips. Her phone buzzed and she opened up a text from Amanda, which looked more like a mixture of a few different languages than any one distinct one - but it seemed like she and Kevin and some others had left the dance, which made Lea breath a small sigh of relief. She fired off a response and set her phone back in her lap.

Quinn let out a slight "oof" as Dustin toppled on top of him. But then he grinned and laughed at the joke, leaning up a little bit. "You could totally just stay there," he smiled with a big grin. And then Dustin was scrambling off to yell at the others. With a slight groan, Quinn picked himself up to move next to Dustin. "I think they can hear us," he said, nudging Dustin and reaching into the window to pat Lea's head. "See? She can hear. But she's being mean again. You're mean Lea," he said, looking around at AJ. "I'm staying over tonight!" he called out, probably too loudly. "So I'm gonna get dropped off with them," he said, before turning to Blanche. "Who's being rude? Also do we have to go home now? I'm not ready to go home yet. Let's do something fun,"

"Is that a challenge?" Dustin grinned at Lea from the back of the truck. When Quinn reached through the window, he decided to do the same, bumping his arm against Quinn's. Patting Lea was a good idea. But she needed more pats. He moved his hand to pat against her cheek, in what looked like an odd mixture between a mild slap, a cheek exam and petting a dog. "Only I am allowed to call her mean," Dustin protested. He stretched in order to pat Blanche's cheek next. "Do you have your granny on your phone?" Dustin asked. "Or is she like, with you in spirit?" he asked. "But tell her hi back! I'd love to meet her, if she's the type of granny that gives out candy and stuff." He let go of Blanche's cheek, moving his hand towards AJ. "Wait, you're staying over? Does that mean we're having sex?" Dustin wanted to know, before moving his hand against AJ's hair, ruffling it. He really had to stretch a lot to reach him. "Not you, AJ," he quickly correctly. "Oh my god, yes, we should do something fun. Lea, can you get us into the aquarium? I know you love the fishies. Pleease."

Blanche frowned slightly. "Don't be heart broken!!! You're very pretty!!!" She insisted. Granny was practically having a cow, but Blanche was too busy laughing as Dustin and Quinn kept touching Lea's head. She didn't think Lea liked that too much. Confusion filled her as Dustin started patting her and asking about her Granny. "Spirit? What's a spirit?! Like a ghost? Ghosts- haha- aren't real!! You know what I like though, goats!!! Oh! Oh no! Dustin!! Quinn!! You guys are pretty too!!" Blanche was horrified when she realized she forgot to compliment them. "You guys were super cute tonight-AJ did you get nice pictures of them? I hope you got nice pictures of them! And- wait, who's having sex with who?" Blanche asked, whispering to Lea in what really wasn't a whisper. She was having trouble keeping up. Blanche swiveled in her seat. "We can't go to the aquarium!!! It's closed and—" Her stomach let out the loudest growl and her laughter mixed with Granny's groan. "— OOOH! I'm hungry!! Let's get food!! But not Flopped because I work there- did you know I work there? I do the rollerskating which is actually a lot harder than people think because people push by you and then you sorta just fly in whatever direction and— ohhh I want a burger! No I want three burgers- I haven't eaten alllllll day. Please AJ? Can we go to AJ's- not AJ... El? No. Al's!!!!! They have the best burgers ever!!"

Aquariums or any other location post prom other than home had not been part of the deal. Not that AJ had really made a deal with them in the first place. It was more or less an ultimatum, leave with him right then and there or face whatever consequences the school board thought up to deal with those that had been caught intoxicated tonight. Dustin and Blanche had been too drunk to really care about the consequences anyways, but AJ had been able to at least get Quinn to see why they had needed to leave. The plan had been to go straight from the prom to their houses so that AJ could go home. He should have left them at prom. Dustin’s hand found AJ’s face through the back window of the truck and AJ just sighed through it, figuring that pulling away would only make matters worst. “Bummer. I had really been looking forward to prom night sex too.” The aquarium sounded like an awful idea and any place like it wouldn’t be much better. Blanche eventually decided that she was suddenly starving somehow, and started screaming out that she needed food as soon as possible. “Fine. Fine. Jesus Christ. We will go to Al’s just shut it.” Dustin and Lea had lived so close to the school that he thought he could get them out as fast as possible, but instead and did a U-turn and drove back in the opposite direction of their house and toward the diner. What could possibly go wrong?

Lea whipped her head around and glared at both Dustin and Quinn. "No, big brother, that was sarcasm. Also, he's right. Nobody else can call me mean, and it's even rude when he does it." She gave a small huff, turning back around to face forward. "Nobody's having sex tonight, holy cow. Personally, I think we should all go back to our own houses but-" She was cut off by Blanche's suggestion mixed with Dustin's. "I do love the aquarium, but it's after hours which means it is closed." She glanced down at her phone, Amanda and Kevin continuing to text her and she replied quickly, apologizing for leaving early which earned an inordinate amount of crying emojis from both of them, even though Kevin was not one to use emojis in great excess on any normal day. "I guess Al's is fine," she sighed as AJ turned around. "It is good to have food when you've had alcohol, it helps process it."

Quinn just pouted, fully intending to call Lea mean when she's been acting mean. With a shrug, Quinn turned to Dustin. "We're totally gonna have sex. And it'll be loud and Lea will hate it," he grinned, kissing his boyfriend's cheek before pulling his and back from the window. He didn't feel the need to pet everyone in the front. "There are a lot of fish in the aquarium. Could we swim with them? That would be fun," Quinn rambled, but the suggestion of food actually caught his ears. "Oh, fuck yeah food is soooo much better than fish. Unless it's fish as food, but then only sometimes," Quinn said, before letting out a yelp as the car turned. He slipped a bit to the side, crashing into Dustin before giggling again and trying to get back up. "Be careful driving! We're in a truck,"

Dustin smiled when Blanche called them cute. It sounded like she did like them as a couple. Unless it was just a cover up for her giant crush that she refused to admit. "So it's not rude when I call you mean?" he asked Lea. "Because you're the meanest of them all, holy cow," he said, mocking her words. "And I'll have sex if I wanna have sex. We should start practicing right now, you know." He grinned at Quinn, curling his fingers around his waist, mostly to keep steady. "Because I'm a virgin, you know? Lea knows that. Lea knows when people are virgins, she's got a virgin-dar." He laughed out loud. "Oh yes, I love food! Not just when drunk, because I'm not drunk, but always. And who knows, maybe at the diner we can find someone for AJ to have sex with!" he suggested brightly. When Quinn crashed into him, his laugh was so loud it could likely be heard from two streets away. "No, do that again, AJ, that was fun! Don't listen to Quinn!" He held onto his boyfriend more tightly.

'Hooligans. You are hanging out with HOOLIGANS! You make him take you home right now, young lady!' Blanche stared at the space her Granny had wedged herself in and she blinked. "But if don't get don't get food I'll die," Blanche said, gently trying to soothe her Granny. It didn't work. Blanche eeked slightly as AJ did a u-turn, but Blanche grinned happily. She felt fairly woozy now-- the alcohol was slurring her words together. Didn't drunk people get sick sometimes? No, she wouldn't get sick. She decided. Blanche patted her growling tummy, before turning. "Are you making fun of Lea? That's not very nice. What's a virgin-dar-- I don't think that's a thing. Is that a thing?" Blanche tried to whisper to Lea, her brows furrowing in confusion. But she popped her head back to get a better look at Quinn and Dustin, frowning. "I don't think you guys should un-virgin-ify yourselves in AJ's car, that's kinda mean-- I mean, what if he has to, like, put stuff back there. That's why you have a truck, right? To put stuff back there."

The drive to Al’s was not too far from the school. If there were any perks of living in a small town like Ashkent Creek it would be the close proximity of basically everything one could need. Getting from one edge of town to the other took barely any time at all and there were a lot of businesses stuffed within its borders. AJ mostly ignored the others as he drove towards the diner. He was fairly certain that Dustin and Quinn would not make any real attempts at doing it in his car. He was hopeful that Lea would stop them if they tried. He kept his eyes staring at the road and tried his hardest to block all of the drunk people out. It wasn’t until he was only a few stoplights from the diner that he glanced at Lea. She seemed to be more pissed off than she usually was when she was around him. He wondered if it had anything to do with what drunk Dustin had told AJ at the prom. Lea’s sudden anger had basically been a nonverbal confession. “You know, you shouldn’t be pissed at your brother for saying something. Technically you were the one that showed me first. I basically knew.” He spoke softly and casually, enough that Lea but none of the other drunk kids too caught up in themselves could hear.

"I literally just said it was rude, Dustin." Lea hissed. "I'd rather have sex with Kevin than listen to you continue this conversation, and I've got no interest in that at all. Also thank you Blanche, making fun of me is very rude, I am not the meanest of them all," she bit her lip hard. Dustin didn't think that. Except he was drunk and more honest than usual which meant that maybe he did, "and there's no such thing as virgin-dar, Dustin. But nice announcement to everyone here." There was a brief moment of silence before AJ spoke again and Lea felt herself tense up. "Knew what?" She whisper-hissed back. "Still got no clue what you're going on about. All seems a bit farfetched to me. Also, if this is about what I assume it is, you watched me, I never showed you anything." She knew she could only play dumb to such an extent, but she wasn't about to give any full and official confirmation to him.

Quinn managed to still have the dignity to blush when Dustin mentioned that he was a virgin, though he leaned into his touch anyway. "I know," he mumbled, not mentioning that he was too. "Food is great though! So let's do that! Oh yeah, we can definitely find AJ sex," Quinn nodded eagerly. "Virgin-dar is totally not a thing though Blanche. Dustin's just teasing his sister because teasing sister's is fun. I tease mine all the time. "I think Aj would like to have his car unvirgined. Don't you AJ?" he asked. When Dustin laughed, he burst out into laughter even more, leaning in and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. He leaned up to kiss him but missed and got his cheek, giggling again, before actually managing to find his lips.

"I wanna eat 12 burgers," Dustin announced, grinning widely. "I bet I can eat 12 burgers in 5 minutes. Who wants to bet with me and what are we betting for?" Smiling, he leaned through the window, patting AJ's cheek which hadn't been patted yet. "What type of girl is your dream girl? Or boy? I'm not homophobic at all," he said. "I'm sure there's lots of cute people in the diner!" He glanced towards Blanche, shaking his head. "It is a thing and Lea has it! Also, Lea calls me mean all the time so by definition, she is super rude. And also, you can't have sex with Kevin, you're just fif-teen. That is only halfway to thirty. I am 16 and therefore, mathematically, I am more thirty than you," he pointed out, a big smile spreading across his face when Quinn kissed his cheek. He was surprised when a real kiss followed, but it was a good surprise. Wrapping his arms and kissing him back enthusiastically, Dustin didn't pay any attention to the other people in the truck as he tried not to fall over at the next turn the truck took.

Blanche shook her head. "I could eat 13 burgers I bet—" Blanche said, more to Granny than anyone else. Granny let out a scoff. 'And it will all go to your hips!' Blanche wrinkled her nose, turning to her Granny. "Nu-uh! I can inhale any food I want, my hips aren't big at all!!" She said, making a face. "I could eat 20 burgers- I think Al's has a burger called the fat burger- what do you think that is? I could eat 2 of those!!! Maybe 3!! Do you think it's bigger than my head?" Blanche asked Lea, clearly oblivious to the situation at hand. She turned to ask Dustin if he was gunna eat a fat burger too, but she frowned seeing the two making out in the truck bed. 'Horny drunk teenagers can't control themselves!' "Uh-" Blanche looked over to AJ and Lea, and just pointed. "Are we almost there I'm staaarving!"

"Before you do it in the back of my truck just remember that this truck used to be my dad's and my parents have probably done it in their like a million times. And they fell in love in the 80's so they were into some freaky shit.” AJ called out as loudly as he could hoping that the thought was enough to break through their thick, drunken skulls. He turned back to Lea “I know you’re a smart girl I’ve seen your file. Playing dumb seems a little beneath you don’t you think?” He shrugged. AJ couldn’t decide which Parrish sibling was more annoying at the moment, the brother playing tonsil hockey in the bed of his truck or the sister with some kind of vendetta against AJ because he walked down a public school hallway and she hadn’t been paying enough attention. He had always been light on his feet. Dustin interrupted his thoughts with some question about AJ’s type and making a claim that he wasn’t homophobic. “Well you have a boyfriend. So…” AJ drug out the o sound and kept his eyes on the road. His eyes were going to get stuck in the back of his head if he kept rolling them as often as he was tonight. “I don’t have a type.” He wasn’t asexual, or maybe he was who really knew. He just knew that he hadn’t met a single person in the last two years that didn’t make him want to shove his head into a locker. He found a moment of reprieve when he spotted the diner up the road and sped up a bit to turn into the parking lot.

"If you eat that many burgers you can get seriously ill, so I'd advise against many, but whatever." Lea rolled her eyes. "It is not a thing that exists, and I can have sex with Kevin if I want to. I don't, but I can, and wow, congrats, math genius big brother. Obviously sixteen is closer to thirty than fifteen." Flicking her gaze to Blanche briefly she gave a shrug. "Maybe. Never seen one of them in person, so I don't know." She turned to AJ again and glared. "Not sure why you're snooping through my file, but yes. Maybe I'll even be valedictorian of the ACHS class of 2020. Doesn't mean squat." Thankfully, they pulled up to the diner before she'd needed to pull out her phone to drown out AJ with music, and as he parked, she unlocked the door and attempted to nudge Blanche out - maybe AJ would stop asking her questions, though if she allowed herself full honesty, she doubted it.

"12 burgers sounds so gross," Quinn wrinkled his nose. "Maybe like, 2 burgers at most is what I could do. Oh! Definitely fries though. So many frieds," he grinned. Quinn laughed when AJ commented about Dustin not being homophobic. The rest of the conversation was lost on him though. He was far too wrapped up in kissing Dustin in the back of the truck. It was proving a bit more difficult than he expected as they were jostled around in the bed of the truck. They managed to not get too tangled though and had continued to kiss until the truck finally stopped. Quinn definitely preferred a bed for kissing though, or against a wall, or- he shivered, not from the wind, and pulled away, grinning slightly. "Are we there yet?" he asked, licking his lips and looking around the parking lot.

Dustin pulled away from Quinn once the truck had finally stopped. He was torn between feeling happy that they'd finally arrived and could get burgers and being sad he had to stop kissing for a bit in order to eat. "Why didn't we go to Flopped?" Dustin asked as he saw the sign of the diner. "I love Flopped! They make the best waffles ever. Also, AJ, no sex has happened, for your information. Are you proud?" Prom was just amazing, and this truck journey was almost more fun than the dance itself. They should get food and then drive around and then find something super fun to do. Maybe they could go to the beach and go swimming together. But first, food. "I'm going to eat 12 burgers and no one is stopping me," Dustin announced as he placed his hands on the side of the truck. He swung his legs over the edge, but since he had miscalculated the distance from the ground he ended up on the parking lot floor with a loud yelp.

Lea unlocked the door, and had barely started nudging Blanche out of the truck when she jumped out. Blanche landed on her feet and stumbled forward, blindly walking forward. She watched as Dustin ate it and stopped and pointed. "He fell down!" She announced loudly, frowning slightly. Blanche patted her stomach, thinking about burgers. If she could be a burger, she would probably be one. "I want the biggest burger ever-- Hey! We can't go to flopped!" Blanche 'whispered'. "I work there and I'll get fired!" She shook her head, watching her curls bounce up and down. She patted her belly as it growled again and she looked down at it. 'I do wish you would wear things that covered your stomach... Did you have to wear a two piece to the prom? Granny mused, sadly. "Quiet you!" Blanche said, unclear if she was talking to her stomach or something else. Blanche looked to Lea. "Look at my tattoo!" She pointed to her side, the little bit of her tattoo peaking out from underneath her top. "I want food!" She jumped topics and started stumbling in the wrong direction to the diner.

AJ groaned. "I'm so proud of you two." He hopped out of his truck and slammed the door shut just as Dustin hopped out of the truck and fell to the pavement practically right in front of him. "Graceful." He bent down and grabbed for Dustin's hand, pulling him back up onto his feet and then brushing off a small amount of dust from his tux. He then turned to head for the diner, leaving Quinn to take care of his stumbling boyfriend. Blanche started zigzagging off towards the wrong side of the parking lot and AJ stomped over to Blanche and spun her to face towards the diner, begrudgingly helping direct her as all five made their way into the diner. "I am so sorry in advance, he whispered to the waitress when they walked in. And don't let them order 12 cheeseburgers." She just looked at him like he was insane and he smiled at her innocently. Then she rolled her eyes and led them to a booth.

Lea nodded at Blanche's comment. "Aren't you not 18? I'm impressed your parents let you have-" She blinked and gave a small sigh when Blanche started to run across the parking lot, half-ready to go and grab her before AJ managed to. He was way taller, he did reach her sooner than Lea would have been able to, despite the fact that she was fairly quick on her feet when she needed to be. Then they were entering the diner and Lea made a small face as AJ commented to the waitress, but when she looked at Lea, Lea offered a grin. "Seating us further away from others is probably a good idea." She nodded, seeing where the waitress bought them. "So, um, how are we organizing where we're sitting?" She asked, moving a bit more towards Dustin but not yet into the booth.

Quinn watched as Dustin tried, and failed to get out of the truck. With a slight yelp of shock, he moved to look over, making sure that he was alright. At least he didn't look hurt. "I know he did," he replied to Blanche, pouting slightly. He managed to get down with a little bit more grace. Well, at least he landed on his feet, which was something considering how high the truck was and how drunk he was. For a moment, he watched as Blanche wandered off in the wrong way, snickering as AJ went to get her. Then he reached down and helped Dustin up. "You okay? Still good to eat a stupid number of burgers?" he teased. He took Dustin's hand and followed Lea into the diner, cocking his head to the side when Lea looked confused. "I'm sitting next to Dustin," he said simply, moving into the booth and looking expectantly at him. "And then I'm gonna order food and it's gonna be the best food ever.”

Dustin let his boyfriend pull him up from the ground and then. "Yup." he nodded in confirmation. "But it's not a stupid amount, it is the best amount." Once Blanche had been directed into the right direction he staggered into the diner, holding onto Quinn's hand tightly to not lose direction. When they crossed the waitress, he gave her a bright smile and a little wave with his hand before he was pulled towards one booth. When Lea moved towards him, he let go of Quinn's hand to pull his arms around her, mostly to keep steady. Standing upright was getting pretty difficult. He rested his chin on top of her head. "You are so short!" He laughed. "Why are you so short? Did you not eat your greens, hmm?" Still smiling, he let go of her. His head felt way too fuzzy. Reaching for the edge of the table, he pretty much crawled into the booth Quinn was sitting in, before leaning against him and looking at the other three expectantly. "Who's gonna come sit with me?" He held out his arms, knocking over a sugar pot in the process.

Blanche giggled the entire time that AJ had to direct her into the diner, continuing to giggle even as they entered. "I am going to eat so much food!" Blanche announced. She was totally ready to pig out on everything that was in sight. She was going to get a large milkshake too. Granny was hovering over her helplessly trying to encourage her not to- she'd regret it in the morning. "I think I should totally buy like... 5 milkshakes. There's five of us, and I can prove I can eat five people's worth of milkshakes, wouldn't that be so cool??" Dustin sat and called for someone to go sit, and Blanche's hand shot in the air. "Meeeee!! Me me me! I'l go sit!!!!" And she dropped herself into the booth with a loud laugh. "Wanna see my tattoo?"

With the three drunk people all stuffing themselves on one side of a booth clearly made for two, that left the other side empty for Lea and AJ. Joy. He was sure that Lea would be absolutely thrilled to be able to share a seat with him again. For whatever reason, Lea seemed to hate him more than some of the other kids at school. He hadn’t even done anything to her. Yet. The constant attitude was distracting. He climbed into the booth after Lea, an extinct taught to him by watching his father. Corner tables were preferable, sitting in the seat with both walls touching your back so that a clear view of the entire place could be kept in sights. Seats that faced the front entryway and seats that allowed for quick mobility. The last thing a cop wanted was to be trapped in a booth or have his back turned when an armed robber stormed into a restaurant. He offered her a smile dripping with sarcasm when he dropped into the seat next to hers and leaned back to glance at the menu. He wasn’t hungry. He just wanted to go home. When the waitress came to get drink orders, AJ went first. “Do you have anything that can make me forget this night ever happened? If not I guess water works too.”

Lea hated this. She should have just gone off with her other friends - because while them being drunk might have driven her up a wall, it wouldn't quite be like this. "I eat more vegetables than you do." She snapped at Dustin, begrudgingly getting into the booth opposite the trio and tensing up as AJ got in. He wouldn't dare question her more out in public, would he? He couldn't. She'd been so stupid to even let him become aware of what she was, and it had been on accident. "Ignore all of them," she sighed to the waitress. "Just water for me." She ordered, before setting her back against the back of the booth's seat. This would be done soon and she could back to her neat and calm and organized bedroom and never have to think about it again. She raised an eyebrow at the group across from her and AJ. "Please don't order absurd amounts of food, okay?"

Quinn smiled happily when Dustin moved to sit next to him, before picking up the menu and looking through it. Most of the words were pretty blurry, but a few stood out. Fries for one. That was what he wanted. Cheese fries. But the server was focusing on other people. "Excuse you," he said to AJ. "You're having a great time and you know it," he turned to the waitress and grinned. "This is my boyfriend," he said, patting Dustin's head before going ahead and ordering food for himself. "And they want," he pointed to Blanche and Dustin. "Lots of burgers I think, but I forget exactly what. Just a lot," he pouted for a moment, before shrugging. "Oh! Yes I want to see a tattoo! I almost got a big Q on my arm," he said grinning. It was going to be in the fancy lettering that he used in his insignia for Q.

Once Blanche sat down in the booth, Dustin pulled both his arms around her in a tight hug. She was super nice for sitting next to him. "I don't want lots of burgers," Dustin protested when everyone started ordering. "I just want 12 burgers. Hamburgers. That is not a lot of burgers. Four-thousand-seven-hundred-eighty-eight, now that would be a lot of burgers. But not 12. Oh! And I want a milkshake. Vanilla milkshake. And chocolate cake as dessert." He gave the waitress his most winning smile, which was half-radiant and half-innocent. "Oh! And she-" He pointed at Lea "She is having pancakes because she is my sister so she is getting pancakes." He leaned over the table to grab her hand for a second, holding it up. "This is her," he said. "And yes, that is my boyfriend," he continued, turning towards Quinn. Maybe he should kiss him now to show he was really his boyfriend? But that could wait. "And she is the girl who has a crush on me and also she is very drunk. And I wanna see her tattoo, although I hope it's not on her butt," he said. "Ohh! I nearly forgot about AJ!" Dustin turned towards the other guy. "He is hot and he drove us here and he has a truck. Do you want to go on a date with him?"

Blanche squealed when Dustin hugged her, but joyfully hugged him back. "I want 3 cheeseburgers because I like cheese, but could they be loaded with pickles because I think I like pickles more than I like myself--" Blanche said, grinning. "Oh and a chocolate milkshake please!" Always remember to say please and thank you-- yes, she can use her manners. Blanche laughed as Dustin pointed to Lea, but flushed once he started on her. "I don't have a crush on him!" She objected, frowning. "I just- always have stuff to do!!" She tried that poor excuse, before brightening once they all wanted to see her tattoo. She stood, turned to her side and pointed to where the tattoo was poking out from her top. Wow, it sure was great wearing a two piece dress. She pulled up the hem, so they could see the full thing-- a circle of branches and flowers with the latin woven in the middle of it. "Cool right, it hurt a lot. Don't get a tattoo on your ribs because it hurts a l o o o o t." Blanche said, before she clapped her hands together and pointed to AJ and Dustin. "See! I told you that you were pretty! He didn't forget about you either! Don't be heart- oh!" Blanche turned to the waitress. "Do you? Wanna go on a date with him? I think you'd have fun, he's nice."

“He’s kidding” AJ turned toward the waitress immediately after Dustin offered them a date and Blanche reinforced the idea. “I don’t date.” The waitress scurried off quickly after frantically scribbling down everybody’s ridiculous order. Apparently, she had no interest in dating him anyways. Maybe she had heard of him too, he sure hoped so. At this point he might as well try to be as infamous as possible and maybe someday when some starving novelist writes a book about his father AJ will make it in as a secondary antagonist. “Can we like speed up the eating thing? I’d like to be home sometime before prom next year so.” He tapped against his wrist as if there were a watch strapped onto it. He turned to Lea, “Are they this annoying sober or are we just lucking out tonight?”

"Also, that is literally the worst way to try and get someone to go on a date." Lea sighed. "Yes, I am his sister in case the almost matching hair didn't give it away." She smiled briefly at Dustin - though he was drunk and likely would deny anything he said in the morning, it felt a bit nice to see him care for her, even if in an odd way. "He's my brother and Dustin, aren't I the best sister ever?" She giggled, before turning over to AJ. "Can't speak for the ones who aren't biologically related to me, but this is a different Dustin than normal. He's significantly more touchy-feely." She ran a hand through her hair, giving the end a small fluff.

"Ohhh, that is pretty!" Dustin exclaimed as Blanche showed them her tattoo. He'd never be able to get one, too. His parents would murder him if he did. He gave AJ a pout when he told the waitress he wouldn't date her. "But she was pretty," he mumbled, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He glanced over the table to look at his sister. "Yeah, you're the best sister I have." He stuck out his tongue at her, and then laughed. "Oh no, AJ, you got it wrong. We're sober. I mean, Blanche isn't, but Quinn and I are. We did not drink any alcohol. And I am not touchy-feely. I just like to know I'm not alone, you know?" He nodded before reaching out grab Lea's wrist to press a smacking kiss to her hand. "Like, I got all of you, and you're all pretty nice. Even though I get the feeling AJ is pissed off with me? He called me annoying." Frowning, he turned towards Quinn. "I'm hungry, do you know when the food is coming? You taste really awesome but I want burgers right now."

Quinn hummed to himself for a bit as the others ordered their food. Three burgers was a lot of food. He couldn't imagine eating that many with how much liquid they drank. At least he had that much sense. "She is cute right?" he asked, looking to AJ with a grin. "You should find a girl or guy or whatever," he said with a laugh, leaning against Dustin. "Oh that is pretty," he said looking at the tattoo, poking it quickly, before grinning. "We drank a lot of stuff. I told you the punch was spiked or something," there was no other explanation for why he felt like he was drunk. "So.... there," he poked his boyfriend's cheek. "I am not normally like this," he said to AJ and Lea. "I'm normally not drunk," he grinned, laughing at his own joke. "Also, I know I taste good but you can't eat me, that would be painful and not fun,"

Blanche giggled loudly when Quinn poked her, cringing away. "Doooon't! I'm awfully ticklish! Oooh, I shouldn't have said that--" Blanche looked at Dustin and Quinn suspiciously, before looking at the waitress. She seemed to be exasperated, before rushing off to go get their food. "And I'm not that drunk!" She claimed loudly, "I am only like... averagely drunk. I've never done alcohol before, I've never even smoked. It's 'cause my dad is a doctor and he'd kill me himself if I even tried. And if I don't get a milkshake, I'll probably die...." Blanche frowned and sank back into her seat, looking very upset. "And then I'll become a ghost and I'll haunt the creator of milkshakes! Who do you think is the creator of milkshakes?" Blanche leaned across the table to Lea and AJ. "They can't answer, they're drunk so they don't know the answer. I bet it's the guy with the mustache and the chicken. Colonel What'sit. He probably created milkshakes."

AJ shrugged his shoulders, “I think I’m just going to spend the rest of my life alone.” He couldn’t picture anybody that he would even want to date or even sleep with anyways. Maybe when he started taking some of the college courses this year to get some free credits he would find someone. He couldn’t imagine actually dating someone. He wasn’t sure if it was because of him or them. Dustin made some long speech about not being drunk, which Quinn immediately refuted. Then Blanche leaned over the table as if Dustin and Quinn couldn’t hear them and claimed to AJ and Lea that they were more drunk than her. He was about to make some sarcastic comment that was going to go over her head when the waitress came back to the table carrying the drinks. “The food will be coming right out.” She mentioned then scurried off. The good thing about diners like this, they were quick. “If we are lucky we can get our food, eat and then get you all home.” He mumbled to Lea.

Lea rolled her eyes at Dustin. "I'm your only sister, dumbass. But love you too." She blew a kiss across the table, laughing a little bit when he grabbed her hand again. "You might all want to consider your level of voice, as we're in a public space." Though soon enough she turned and flipped her body to face AJ, moving to sit cross-legged on the booth's bench. "Yeah, as much as I'm none too excited about agreeing with you, the sooner I can get home and to my own bed the better." She looked past him to see if she could spot the waitress - at least they hadn't come at a time that was all too popular with the diner, though Lea had already found $50 in her purse to leave as a tip - as a minimum, to put up with everything that the poor waitress had dealt with.

Dustin shook his head. "I don't wanna eat you, silly," he said, filing away the fact that Blanche was ticklish for future reference. "You're not gonna spend your life alone. I will get you a nice wife. Or husband or any other partner. Or a cat. Cats are good companions." He nodded in determination. AJ would not be alone. No way. When the waitress came with their drinks, Dustin excitedly reached for his milkshake. His milkshake was amazing. He proceeded to tell the others this, twice, because he was not sure that they heard him the first time so he repeated this fact a bit louder for the second time. And then he tried Blanche's milkshake, just in case it was tastier than his own. When the waitress returned with their food, Dustin stared up at her in awe and blew her a kiss. She actually did put down a small plate with pancakes in front of his sister. That was good. "If you don't date AJ can you please marry my sister so I can get a family discount, please?" He took a big bite out of his first burger - for some reason she had only gotten him two, but he couldn't be too mean to her or else she wouldn't date any of them. As soon as he swallowed, he stole a piece of pancake from Lea and dunked it in syrup. "I love you all," he announced before pressing a syrupy kiss to Quinn's cheek.

Quinn leaned against Dustin for a moment, opening his mouth to say something, before breaking out into a large yawn. He was surprisingly tired, and it wasn't even that late. It was probably because he was drunk. Maybe. He kind of just wanted to eat and curl up with Dustin. "Aw man... I should have gotten a milkshake," pouting when he heard Blanche talk about them. They sounded good. He glanced over when Dustin got his drink, looking over at the other two across from him. He didn't hear what they were saying, but reached out to grab Dustin's milkshake and took a couple sips himself. "You are right, they are good. I should have gotten one," he mumbled. Quinn perked up with the arrival of his food, grinning and picking up his fork to dig into the fries. He hummed happily, "Fries are the best," he said, mouth full before swallowing. "Ew you're all sticky!" he whined to Dustin, squirming slightly before laughing. "Don't do that," he teased, before leaning over and kissing his cheek. He glanced over to the food that Blanche got and bit his lower lip. Maybe he should have gotten a burger, they smelled good too.

The one positive that came out of the food arriving was that the group fell mostly silent. Besides a couple of breaks from eating for someone to make some random drunk comment about which food they should have gotten like Quinn or Dustin’s random declaration of love, everyone ate peacefully. AJ sipped his water as he watched the others eat. He supposed if he was being forced to hang around others this group wasn’t the absolute worst. It still sucked. AJ wasn’t sure how, but the five managed to finish their meals and pay, with a very generous tip left by Lea, and make it back to the truck without actually being kicked out of the diner from noise complaints. It was a miracle. He attempted to help Dustin and Quinn back up into the bed of the drunk, afraid that the two wouldn’t be able to make it up by themselves. They all found their previous spots in the truck and soon he was back on the road. “No more stops. We’re going to Dustin and Lea’s. Quinn are you staying with them?”

Lea breathed a sigh of relief (and of fresh air) once the group exited the diner, and pulled herself back into the truck, sitting next to AJ before rolling her eyes and giving a small huff. "Mum's not gonna be happy if you bring home your boyfriend, big brother." Though she knew that even if Dustin could hear her, he might ignore it. "Also, wait." she squeaked, "How do you know where we live?" She turned to AJ, setting a hand on his shoulder. "You haven't been spying, have you?" She whispered to him. But soon enough, they arrived at the Parrish residence and Lea moved to open the door. "Umm, Blanche?" She bit her lip. "Can you move, and if not, do you mind me literally climbing over or around you to get out? That's sort of the only way."

Pouting, Dustin stumbled out of the diner. After having finished his two burgers, the waitress hadn't given him more and instead, they had paid and left the diner. After trying to give AJ a kiss on the cheek for helping him into the truck, he let himself fall back against Quinn. As the truck started moving, he let his head fall down onto Quinn's lap, trying to ignore the fact that he was feeling quite sick now after his milkshake, two burgers and parts of the pancakes. He was also feeling a bit sleepy. And, he needed to pee. "No more stops?" He frowned. "But I need to pee." Still, the car went on driving, and then AJ asked if Quinn would be staying with them for the night. Dustin nodded. "Uh, yeah, cause it's prom and you're supposed to have sex at prom night," he mumbled. "And, like, Quinnnn can always climb up the tree into my window." Once the car came to a halt, Dustin made no attempts to move. "You are comfy," he said, reaching up with his hand into Quinn's hair. "We should totally sleep here. I'm tired."

Quinn the meal went by surprisingly quietly after that. Quinn finished up his fries, quite happy with his choice by the end. He was shocked that Dustin had managed to eat all of that food though. With a laugh, Quinn was able to get up onto the truck with AJ's help and then let out a slight "oomph" as Dustin toppled onto him. His hands immediately went to his boyfriend's hair, playing with it lightly. "You should have gone when we left," Quinn said with a nod, head moving faster than it normally would. He was suddenly a bit dizzy. "Like I did," he mumbled, the bumps becoming more annoying than anything else. He remembered the trip to Al's being more fun, but then he had Dustin had been making out then. "I am totally staying over," Quinn said with a nod. Climbing a tree sounded like a perfectly reasonable way to get into the Parrish house. He'd done it before. With a laugh, Quinn looked into the window at the others for a moment, before gently nudging Dustin. "No it's not soft here. It's a truck. I want to go to your bed," he said with a pout, whining softly as he squirmed and pushed at Dustin to get up.

"Move?" Blanche asked absentmindedly. She had been zoning in and out since she had practically wolfed down three cheeseburgers and a milkshake at the diner. Occasionally, she would talk in a low voice under her breath to her Granny when she thought the other weren't whispering. Blanche's throat was probably going to be sore tomorrow from how load she was being all night. Blanche fumbled with the door before doing her best to stumble out so she could let Lea by. "Oooooh, AJ already knew?" She poked her head. "Does he know where I live too? I live by the... The big.... That way!" Blanche's arm pointed down the road. She didn't live too far from there, really. "Oh. Am I gunna have to walk home??? Oh no- wait! I didn't wear heels! Lea!!!! Look at my sparkly shoes!" For emphasis, she held up her leg and pointed.

“Well it’s hard to watch your every move without knowing where you live.” AJ shrugged casually as if this was something completely normal to say. He waited a long moment for the appropriate amount of discomfort or fear to settle in before answering honestly, “Nah, I took your brother home a couple of weeks ago after-“ He paused only briefly, “school one day.” No need to mention the blood thing, everyone knew about. Chances were Lea’s friends had something to do with it. He jumped out of the car when he remembered that the last time Dustin had tried to climb out of his truck he fell out of it. He helped Dustin out, patting him on the back “Maybe you could not try to kiss me this time.” He helped Quinn out after wards. “Your call,” He said to Lea, “Stays or goes. Just remember that if you choose no the two might be just as loud arguing with you.”

"I'm sorry?" Lea squeaked, eyes narrowing. "Oh. Not a funny joke, FYI." She raised an eyebrow at Blanche. "Your shoes are great and I love them, but I also need to leave right now, if you'll excuse me, sorry." She pushed herself up and over Blanche, before landing neatly on the ground outside of the truck. Lea watched AJ help Dustin and Quinn out of the back of the car before raising an eyebrow. "Oh, it's so far from my call, but I appreciate you thinking it is." She crossed her arms and faced Dustin and Quinn. "Can you all make it into the house on your own, or do you need my help?"

"Are you saying I'm a bad kisser? Is there something wrong with me?" Dustin wanted to know, pouting. He took a few steps but it was difficult to walk upright. He nearly landed on his ass as he crossed the distance between him and his sister to wrap his arms around her. "You're still so small!" he exclaimed. "Like, you're small and cute like a tiny sea horse." He tilted his head, looking towards the building. "Is mum still awake?" he asked. "Because I wanna tell her all about prom but I also don't want her to hear us having sex so that would be not good," he said. "Maybe we should all climb in through the window, that is fun! Blanche, AJ, are you staying, too? I think you should stay. It would be super fun and you can sleep on my floor or in my closet. There's lots of space now." He had to snort at his own joke.

"You're the best kisser!" Quinn said, slightly outraged that someone would say that. "He's the best and you are so wrong about it," he said to AJ as he managed to get down out of the truck. He leaned against it, pouting and crossing his arms, giving AJ a glare. Blanche was still in the car though, so he turned around quickly and walked over to her door, patting her on the head. "Bye," he said with a smile. "No more crushing on my boyfriend though," Quinn added before moving over to Dustin. "Your mom will probably kill me," Quinn said when Dustin mentioned her, shivering slightly. "But we can't have sex if everyone is in the room," he complained. Quinn wanted to have sex, but he also wanted to sleep. He wasn't sure which was winning out. "But we should sneak in!" he said, looking Lea. "Right?"

Blanche started to giggle, mostly at the mention of sex. 'Are you five years old?' her Granny asked, exasperated. 'You are most certainly NOT spending the night. Your parents are coming home tomorrow afternoon and you're going to have to drag your hungover butt out of bed to make it look like you aren't hungover'. Blanche pressed herself to AJ's truck, using it to steady herself as she played with her skirt. "Sneak him in! Sneak him in!" Blanche 'whispered' excitedly. "Like ninjas! Oooh AJ. We could be ninjas! Let's be ninjas- or maybe we should do a ninja themed prom next year, yeah?"

AJ wasn’t sure he ended up getting blamed for Dustin kissing him on the cheek. Arguing with two drunk boyfriends wasn’t going to change anything though. “Sorry, guess I just can’t control myself around him.” AJ said completely monotone. AJ had no interest in staying for this sleepover if Dustin had even been sober when mentioning it to the group. Seemed a little too campy for his tastes. He was just getting used to actually spending anytime around other people his age again. “Well have fun with the sex thing. Lea, have fun getting grounded when your mom inevitably catches you. I’m going home. Peace out everyone.” He gave a short wave before heading back to the driver’s side and climbing back up into the truck. “You can be a ninja at your house. I just need directions.”

Lea glared at Quinn, AJ, and Dustin. "I don't even want you to come by, but as you're Dustin's boyfriend, I've got no say in that. I live here, and if mum asks where I've been, I'm only going to tell her I was trying to be a good sister and make sure you didn't freaking die." She whipped her body around and began stomping toward the house, before turning back to them, "and don't make any choices you're going to regret, please?" She attempted to make eye contact with Dustin, before turning her key in the lock and opening the door.

Dustin pouted at Lea's words and the glare she sent in their direction. Unless he was riling her up on purpose, he didn't like it when she was mad at him. And she looked very mad now. "Leave the door open! I'll be.... like five seconds. Or maybe, 50 seconds. Or 51." He was a bit confused by her last comment, what choices was she talking about? He swayed over to the truck to give Blanche a hug. "Goodnight," he said. "You're definitely short enough to be a ninja." He stumbled back towards Quinn, holding himself up by gripping the other boy's shoulders. "You're coming through my window, yes?" He pressed another kiss to his lips, grinning, before letting to and making his way to the front of the house. There was a loud, clattering sound as he fell over a piece of porch decoration made out of metal.

Quinn blinked when everyone was suddenly gone. When did that happen? He waved to AJ when he was in the car and then to Blanche. "Yeah, window," he said with a slight pout. The window was so much more difficult than walking in, and he wanted to just sleep now and cuddle with Dustin. But he kissed Dustin back and made his way over to the window. Wincing, Quinn looked over at the door, darting over to the tree. This was going to be very difficult in a suit.

Blanche giggled loudly and hugged Dustin back as tight as she could. "Not all Ninja's are short!" She declared loudly! She was starting to get pretty sleepy, and she climbed back in, waving to Quinn. "Goodnight!" She practically sang, before plopping herself back into the truck an fumbling with the seat belt. "Take a left!" she saang. "I live three lefts and a right down from here, I think. I've never been here before, but it's on my way home from school, so I think it's the same way. I can take you-- but we can't be ninjas at my house." Blanche pouted sadly. "There's no one to sneak by! The house! It's emmmmmmpty. Isn't that just sad?"

AJ was surprised to see that Blanche was apparently perceptive enough to give direction back to her house from Dustin and Lea's. She made a comment about being alone at the house, but AJ stayed mostly quiet the whole ride to her house. He was afraid that she would start on another tangent if he said anything that might set her off on one. Silence was definitely the best route here. He pulled into her empty driveway and saw the entire house was pitch black. She really was staying here alone tonight. He groaned and jumped out of his, remembering that he still had her keys. He helped her up to the door and fumbled through the keys until finding the one that unlocked the house. He flipped on the first set of lights and followed her in, following her upstairs to her room to make sure she could make it without falling down the stairs or something equally as horrible. She practically face planted onto the bed after flipping on the light. He glanced around, taking in the open journal sitting on her desk and skimming over it slightly. Mostly just talk of her grandma. The same one she mentioned earlier in the night in the truck? "Okay well I'll get you some water and then I'm heading out." He stated, unsure if she actually heard him or not. He jogged down the steps and checked all of the cabinets until finding the one with glasses before filling a glass for her. After dropping it off on her desk and was downstairs again, tossing her keys on the kitchen counter and heading out the front door. He didn't get very far before remembering what his own mother got like on nights like these, and she was practically a seasoned veteran. "Damn it." He cursed himself before digging in his truck and pulling out the book bag with his spare clothes and going back into the house and locking the door. He grabbed the keys off the counter on his way to the bathroom and stuffed them back into his bag before changing. Apparently he was staying there for the night.

#touchofchatzy #alcohol tw #c aj #c blanche #c dustin #c quinn #chatzy #somehow nobody died

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futurelandfillpress · 7 years

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My Top 33 Songs of 2016

Here are my favorite 33 songs released in 2016 and some anecdotal quips attempting to trick you into giving them a chance. The songs are presented in alphabetical order by artist, because number ones are for toilets. Click play!

Animals As Leaders – The Brain Dance Theoretically instrumental progressive music is right up my alley, but as a whole album this is like trying to read Infinite Jest while also listening to an audiobook of The Three-Body Problem. Point being it’s probably brilliant, but also overwhelming. There are great flourishes and very heavy energetic moments, all interspersed with what sound like Eastern European news show opening themes, far more intricate than what is to follow. The Brain Dance is one of the few songs that I enjoyed all the way through and out of the context of the album gains some genuine emotion.

ANOHNI – Marrow The solo effort from the singer of Antony and the Johnsons which is a band that never really worked for me. In a way this album was a pleasant surprise. Obviously if you don’t like the vocals you won’t like this, the electronic instrumentals on this are by Hudson Mohawke and Oneohtrix Point Never which was what got me to check it out. I think overall the whole album is worth a listen, though I can’t blame anyone for thinking it’s a bit cringy and on the nose. If you enjoy Marrow I suggest trying Why Did You Separate Me from the Earth? which gives you a good range of the sound of the album.

BADBADNOTGOOD - Confessions Pt II (featuring Colin Stetson) & In Your Eyes (feat Charlotte Day Wilson) Not sure how to describe it, perhaps Confessions Pt II is heavy cyclical jazz and In Your Eyes is a soul throwback. From the very first album where BBNG did covers of James Blake electronic/trip hoppy wanderings, I’ve been intrigued. On their third album they almost sounded like a stripped down Tortoise with the track CS60. It’s difficult to explain why they appeal to me, but they continue to use simple materials to produce interesting diverse results. This was also the first time I heard Charlotte Day Wilson, possibly the best vocalist without an album of her own.

case/lang/veirs – Atomic Number Neko Case, K.D. Lang, and Laura Veirs, coming together to make one of my favorite albums of the year and this was the first song I heard and sold me instantly. The album also has great replay value and is something you can put on during a casual dinner with rich friends in your million dollar bungalow by the ocean.

Charlotte Day Wilson – Work She didn’t release a full album, but she did put out a digital EP and collaborated with several other artists, like froyo ma, IGLOOGHOST, and BBNG. This is a fairly simple trip hop track, it basically rests on her voice and melody both of which are superb and invite me to put it on repeat. I will give anything she does a listen.

David Bowie – Girl Loves Me Bowie put out one of my instant favorite albums of the year and then days later died, this song is stuck in my head, because he specifically sings; “ Where the fuck did Monday go?” Monday was the day he died or at least the day I found out he did. It really was a gut punch at the very beginning of the year. I actually wasn’t able to listen to the album for well about a year after that or any of his music. I finally at the very end got my dad the album and then re-listened to it, this song still makes me emotionally compromised. I think it’s that he didn’t put out that sad folk album that many older musicians are expected to produce, he put out an aggressive progressive electronic melodic monster. For those that do enjoy the album, they just put out an EP that has three bonus songs, one of which is maybe heavier than anything on Blackstar.

Devin Townsend – Time Overload (demo) This track appears on the bonus CD of Devin’s album Transcendence, it’s all supposed demos, though his standards are so high that how can you possibly tell. Although the actual album has great tracks on it, this demo stuck out to me as just about the catchiest pop metal track I’ve heard in a long time. There is a kind of almost industrial edge to it, but it’s basically a sing along pop song, that also scares the elderly.

DJ Shadow Feat RunTheJewels – Nobody Speak I’ve heard about RTJ for a while and obviously Killer Mike’s endorsement of Bernie was yet another highlight of the year, but somehow I hadn’t heard their music. This was the first exposure, in this case produced by DJ Shadow in a reworked take of Ol’ Man River by Caterina Valente. The video is glorious and cathartic and the lyrics are pure poetry: “Flame your crew quicker than Trump fucks his youngest” Overall it’s just a fun bouncy rap track.

Flume - Take a Chance (feat. Little Dragon) I’ve made mixes previously of just Little Dragon contributing vocals to other artists. I will give anything Little Dragon does a chance. In this case this is an almost dub stepy electro pop track, it’s a great contrast as she brings the coldness of the instrumental back to melody.

Goblin Cock – Bothered Rob Crow came back with an vengeance in 2016, he dropped a Goblin Cock album plus EP that I have yet to hear and then two Anal Trump releases with 40 songs totaling 3:36min. I just wish I’d gotten the chance to see them live, maybe next year I will be less destitute. They also get the award for the best album title, Necronomidonkeykongimicon. EDIT I totally forgot that Rob Crow also released You’re Doomed. Be Nice. as Rob Crow's Gloomy Place. That bastard is a prolific monster that makes the rest of us look like lazy sods.

hyphyskazerbox - Not As Punk Rock Electronic wonderment, I really don’t know anything else about the artist here, just that the album is sometimes difficult and sometimes engaging and worth a listen if you like electronic wizardry.

James Blake - I Need A Forest Fire (feat. Bon Iver) I really wanted to like the album, but it just felt unfocused and often too brittle even for me. There were however some very strong highlights. There is a great EP in this album, that’s what I would say. Overgrown was a way more satisfying listening experience overall, so if you’re new to James, I’d start there.

Kaada/Patton – Papillon Mike Patton puts out so much material it’s impossible to listen to all of it, but when I get a chance there is always something worth my time. This collaboration with Kaada produced a track that belongs on a soundtrack if it isn’t already.

Kaytranada - WEIGHT OFF (feat. BADBADNOTGOOD) Yes BBNG is back again, this time in a collaboration with a producer, who also on the same album collaborates with Little Dragon. It’s a short and simple groove with textures, that’s all it is just a catchy bit of analog drum n bass, but it got a whole lotta play in 2016.

M83 – Time Wind (featuring Beck) This song got me looking deeper into Becks catalog, I don’t know how I even came across this song. It’s basically 80’s electro pop, which isn’t a search I’ve ever done.

Maggie Rogers – Alaska I’m guessing I wasn’t the only person that saw her play this track for Pharrell Williams while she was still in music school. I was just as intrigued or perhaps it’s the hope that the next crop of pop artists will be more interesting and not insipid marketing hype.

Melt Yourself Down – Jump the Fire Kushal Gaya’s vocals are mesmerizing, whether it’s in Melt Yourself Down or in Zun Zun Egui, there is an energy that I highly appreciate. Whatever the style and the styles are varied, there is a frenetic force always keeping me interested. There is also a kind of punk sensibility to what they do, if you see a live performance, they basically seem like super energetic street musicians.

Metá Metá - Toque Certeiro Ever since I did a deep dive into the Jorge Ben discography I’ve been coming across more Brazilian musicians that speak to me, even if I don’t understand what they are saying. In this case when I heard this track I realized I already knew the singer Juçara Marçal, having fallen hard for her track Candombe, where she collaborates with Cadu Tenório. Also I’d already heard some of her solo album Encarnado, which has a distinct punky math rocky edge, but without drums, instead other instruments and her voice doing interesting noodly gymnastics. Metá Metá however is a heavier Brazilian jazz fusion band at least on their third album. Mick Jenkins ft. BADBADNOTGOOD – Drowning Yes BBNG is my MVP of the year. They did the music to this eerie song that I can’t listen to without seeing the police kill Eric Garner. I’m not sure if the song is directly referencing that, but that’s what I get from it and on top of that it’s a good song.

Moniker – Ricky Runs I will find music wherever I can, in this case I saw the movie Hunt for the Wilderpeople in a tiny theater in Montgomery, AL and found my self captivated by the soundtrack. This song reminds me of the post rock band 35007 or at least the drumming does. The movie is also very good, Rhys Darby cosplays about the most convincing bush I’ve ever seen.

Opeth - Will O The Wisp I think Mikael has been listening to lots of Jethro Tull. I’ve tried to enjoy the whole album, but I continue to fail, it’s actually similar in some ways to the James Blake album, in that I think there is a great EP here. I’m sure I will be excited and look out for whatever he does next, but this just didn’t hit me the way I wished, it may just take some time to grow on me as a whole. Also very oddly one of my favorite tracks called The Ward ended up as a bonus track, why Mikael, why?

Oranssi Pazuzu - Vasemman Käden Hierarkia This might be my favorite black metal album in a long time, I’m not sure I can even call it black metal, but unlike others that tread that line it’s not folk either. I would say this album is more progressive and possibly doomy at times. This track is actually the most traditionally black metal, with a really sexy repeating riff grooving along. As a bonus it comes back near the end slower and heavier and it’s highly satisfying, like taking a journey. Just in general it’s less trebly and more crushing in a warm bassy way.

Radiohead - Burn The Witch Well the bastards did it again, put out an excellent album, and this one is very approachable while still pushing sound combinations and bringing it all together in a satisfying way. This album also feels more organic than some recent things they have been playing with.

Reza Safinia - The Train Another soundtrack song, this one from a movie called The Trust about a caper of sorts, bonus being that Nic Cage screams in Frodos face. Actually a good soundtrack, that isn’t just a variation on John Williams or Harry Gregson-Williams or Hans Zimmer or whoever we’re supposed to pretend is oh so very good.

Run The Jewels - A Report To The Shareholders : Kill Your Masters Just before the year ended RTJ pushed out their third album and it’s a monster. The second half starting at Don't Get Captured really takes off into some political and deeper thoughts that speak to me. This particular track ends the album and really it’s two tracks, oh and then at the very end Zack shows up and brings the anger. I highly appreciate the sentiments and I’m glad there is a band with this much exposure that is stepping into these subjects.

Swans - When Will I Return? I didn’t even hear the rest of the album, but I have a feeling this was probably the most upbeat, poppy of the lot. I will get to it eventually, but for now this enough to remind me of that mood that SGM & Art Bears would deliver.

Sylvan Esso – Radio They were on the radar already, I’d heard some tracks from their eponymous album. There was an interesting track called Dress that stuck with me, possibly because it reminded me a bit of Harriet Ohlsson of Oh, Harry And Hellsongs. Anyhow the point is that Radio is another example of what Pop music could be if only there were some discerning brave purveyors of popular consumable media.

Tor – Myth Pretty sure the intro guitar bit is taken from the Motorcycle Diaries soundtrack. It’s just chill relaxing groovy stuff that will no doubt end up on Coffee Shop Grooves Vol 34. I’m not trying to dismiss it, I dig music that isn’t assaulting me at every turn just as much as I like music that challenges me. This fits neatly somewhere with Bonobo or Tycho.

Tortoise - Shake Hands With Danger Another case of me thinking it would be a brilliant album, but it kind of didn’t materialize. Again this may be me not getting it at the moment, maybe five years from now I will love it. Until then though, there are some strong stand out tracks, this one being probably my favorite just for how unrelenting and heavy the beat is. Having seen them live and knowing just how heavy they are, this would no doubt punch a hole in my chest. Other tracks on this album that tickled my fancy Gesceap and Ox Duke.

A Tribe Called Quest - The Space Program An enjoyable track and album, like RTJ highly respected musicians speaking up and addressing things that somehow sound less authentic coming from Makelmore.

Tycho – Division Possibly the heaviest Tycho song, which should give you an idea of how not heavy the band generally tends to be. I’ve liked them for a while, their songs have this spacey driving quality, make me feel like driving through the Arizona canyons.

Woods - Can't See At All They get the award for having the worst album cover of the year. I also don’t think I could handle a whole album worth of his voice, but this track has a nice retro groove.

#best of 2016 #music countdown #spotify #badbadnotgood #run the jewels

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Top 10 Albums of 2018

It’s that time again. What a year. Thank gods we had great music for a little reflecting, some much-needed re-energizing, and of course, a lot of rabblerousing.

Here are my picks for the year’s 10 best albums. What turned your tables in 2018? Let me know at [email protected].

Happy 2019!

Rey

10) Sleep — The Sciences [Third Man Records]

San Jose psych-doom power trio Sleep have emerged from the purple haze to release “The Sciences,” their fourth studio record — their first in nearly two decades — giving stoner rock fans everywhere 53 glorious minutes of dark, dank, primordial heaviness that few if any bands can deliver. Anchored by Jason Roeder’s surgical-strike stickwork and vocalist Al Cisneros’ syrupy, sludgy, downtuned bass, master axe-smith Matt Pike plows through the kind of menacing riffs one can imagine flying off Hephaestus’ anvil as he’s forging Poseidon’s new trident — just as the god of the sea is packing his bags (and bowl) for a journey into the deep.

Listen on Spotify.

9) Mojo Juju — Native Tongue [ABC]

Born in Australia of mixed heritage — Aboriginal (Wiradjuri) and Filipino — Mojo “Juju” Ruiz de Luzuriaga, in her third full-length LP, digs deep into race, family, immigration, colonialism, identity politics and Indigenous heritage across 16 soulful, sultry, deeply personal and exquisitely original tracks that stretch across styles, genres, vibes and even languages. In a troubling era where xenophobia is on the rise, “Native Tongue” deftly explores what it means to be “the other.” “Just because you own the airtime, you think you own the sky,” she proclaims on “Think Twice,” lassoing a global Zeitgeist that is impossible to ignore — and making it far groovier than anyone thought it could be.

Listen on Spotify.

8) JPEGMAFIA — Veteran [Deathbomb Arc]

For his third studio album “Veteran” (a reference, at least, to his four-year stint in the U.S. Air Force), the 28-year-old mad-scientist glitchcore rapper/producer JPEGMAFIA (aka Barrington DeVaughn Hendricks) pulls out all the stops and then some to deliver one of the most distinctive hip-hop albums in years — if his wild and wooly aural experiments can even be considered hip-hop at this point. Vulcanic bass lines slither over shattered post-industrial beats as the New York native, now based in Baltimore, stretches his restless, inquisitive mind (he has a master’s degree in journalism), riffing on such far-ranging matters as Defense Department discharge forms and the fashionista handbags made famous by singer Jane Birkin (the one-time collaborator/lover of Serge Gainsbourg). The production is totally frikkin’ insane; the samples alone set him apart, from the bizarre epiglottal workout (a looped ODB vocal) that snakes through “Real Nega” to the brilliant rapid-fire Bic pen-clicking in “Thug Tears,” which triggered, at least in one fan, an ASMR (“autonomous sensory meridian response”), the unique auditory-tactile synaesthetic feeling of euphoria that has been used to describe a “spine-tingling” event. In fact, the whole 47-minute affair is fairly spine-tingling — and a bit bone-rattling, too. (h/t: JF)

Listen on Spotify.

7) Art Brut — Wham! Bang! Pow! Let’s Rock Out! [Alcopop!]

The Berlin- and London-based art-punk quintet comes crashing back after seven years of silence with their exuberant, hook-laden fifth studio LP, a tightly-wound 35 minutes jam-packed with gorgeously odd, party-ready, rock-steady mini-anthems with more horns, harmonies, group ah-ahs and sing-alongs than your drunken final campfire jam at band camp. Cheeky speak-singer Eddie Argos keeps things humming along with blisteringly droll deliveries of super-catchy, instant-classic lines. “I hope you’re very happy together, and if you’re not, that’s even better,“ he sniggers to an ex-lover in what could be the most gleeful break-up song ever written. In “Too Clever,” Argos distills the waggish self-reflexivity that has been his touchstone since the band emerged 14 years ago: “Sometimes the smartest man in the room would rather be outside — howling at the moon … Ah-woo!” Press play and let the bad/good times roll...

Listen on Spotify.

6) Young Jesus — The Whole Thing Is Just There [Saddle Creek]

For their third studio album, art rockers Young Jesus have crafted fresh, expansive highways and byways across the musical map. Ranging like the plains of boozy philosopher-poet bandleader John Rossiter’s Midwestern roots — and shot through with the jazz-inflected post-rock his Chicago hometown made famous — “The Whole Thing Is Just There” shows the now Los Angeles-based four-piece at their edgy-yet-dreamy, exquisitely exploratory best. Enveloped by a spacious production, Rossiter muses nimbly, often ironically, over complex arrangements interspersed by instrumental improvisations, with angular shards of guitar peppering lush soundscapes. “If saints aren’t given voice to teach of burns, we’re led to blood periphery,” he warns on the brooding, labyrinthine opener “Deterritory,” before the band opens the throttle and doesn't let up for the rest of this multifaceted 49-minute masterwork.

Listen on Spotify.

5) Daughters - You Won’t Get What You Want [Ipecac]

The hyper-intense post-grindcore noise mavens from Providence come out swinging on their fourth studio full-length (their first after an eight-year hiatus), showing that age hasn’t mellowed them out one bit. Above droning swirls of machine-edged walls of guitar, monomaniacal tank-tread basslines and call-to-battle drums, lead caterwauler Alexis S.F. Marshall lords over a gathering storm, slinging scorching, misanthropic observations of humanity’s dark side. “It may please your heart to see some shackled, wrists and throat, naked as the day they were born,” he howls on “Long Road, No Turns.” For 48 grinding, often terrifying minutes, Daughters exercise a powerful, all-consuming yet controlled cacophony — the kind of music killer hornets must listen to when they swarm. Still, there are intermittent flashes of beauty amidst the menacing Sturm und Drang of this post-apocalyptic wasteland, like one of those hornets pausing on a lonely flower, drawing a touch of sweet nectar before buzzing off for the kill.

Listen on Spotify.

4) Unknown Mortal Orchestra - IC-01 Hanoi [Jagjaguwar]

While recording their fourth full-length “Sex and Food” (also released this year) in such far-flung locales as Mexico City, Seoul, Reykjavik, Auckland and Portland, Unknown Mortal Orchestra’s Ruban Nielson (guitar, bass), his brother Kody (drums) and their father Chris (keyboards, flugelhorn, saxophone — the latter two often patched through effects) found themselves hunkered down one night in Hanoi. There the wandering New Zealand minstrels met up with Vietnamese musician Minh Nguyen (on sáo trúc, a traditional Vietnamese flute) for a casual jam at Phu Sa Studio. What emerged from that session are seven inspired tracks of sexy, smoky, brooding, propulsive Miles Davis-inspired exploratory improvisation. “IC-O1 Hanoi” may only clock in at 28 minutes, but it unfurls otherworldly mood for miles.

Listen on Spotify.

3) Jeremy Dutcher — Wolastoqiyik Lintuwakonawa [Independent]

Toronto-based operatic tenor, pianist, composer, ethnomusicologist and Indigenous activist Jeremy Dutcher mines his First Nations roots for his striking, inspirational debut, a labor of love that is the culmination of five years researching and transcribing the traditional music of the Maliseet, an Algonquian people of New Brunswick, Quebec. “When I first got to hear these voices, that work for me was a profoundly transformational moment in my life,” he said in a CBC interview. “It was a process of deep listening — to sit there with these headphones and really hear what these voices had to tell me.” Featuring the grainy, century-old recordings of his ancestors’ songs (which he uncovered on wax cylinders at the Canadian Museum of Civilization), the endangered Wolastoqey language (spoken by around 100 people), modern sounds and rhythms, and his own penetrating, emotive voice winding through sprawling post-classical rearrangements of traditional First Nations music, “Wolastoqiyik Lintuwakonawa” (“Our Maliseet Songs”) is an ambitious, fascinating and important work — a richly deserving winner of the Polaris Prize, one of Canada’s most prestigious music awards. Dutcher says his art is rooted in “Indigenous futurism,” one aspect of which is recovering traditional languages and viewpoints to counteract the Western narrative that seeks to erase them. Celebrating ancestral voices while looking to the future in a fight for today, this is one for the ages.

Listen on Spotify.

2) King Tuff — The Other [Sub Pop]

On his dark-themed yet fun-filled fourth studio album, Vermont’s reigning king of psychedelic garage rock roams new territory, plumbing the worrisome depths of our current technology-driven, environmentally-destructive reality. Backed the impressive drumming of longtime collaborator Ty Seagall and aided by blasts of brass and sinewy synths, King Tuff (aka Kyle Thomas) rolls through crunchy, bluesy riffs, peeling back the layers of our iPhone-addled brains to reveal the poetry, nature and wilderness that we’ve lost along the way to our self-inflicted digitized annihilation. “So take me to your telescope and point me to the void, save me from the ones and zeros before it all gets destroyed,” he beseeches on “Circuits in the Sand.” If The Doors would’ve been the perfect final act to take the global stage as Armageddon rains down on Earth (“The End,” of course, being the last song we’d ever hear), King Tuff, with “The Other,” stakes a fairly convincing claim to the rabblerousing penultimate slot.

Listen on Spotify.

1) Caroline Rose — LONER [New West]

Somehow, Caroline Rose has managed to explore tough themes like sexism, misogyny, loneliness, self-doubt, infidelity and death, while delivering some of the most instant-party gems of 2018. Arch yet artful, Rose’s satire-spitting, synth-heavy third studio LP slips into seductively murky corners that burst open into dazzling technicolor skies on a dime. “I go to a friend of a friend’s party,” she deadpans on the opener. “Everyone’s well dressed with a perfect body. And they all have alternative haircuts and straight white teeth, but all I see is just more of the same thing,” The album, however, is anything but. With razor-edged turns of phrase, in-your-face punk attitude and catchy, curvilinear melodies, “LONER” certifies the Long Island songstress as a genuine pop maestro whose super-sly winks belie her 28 (!) years.

Listen on Spotify.

Honorable mentions:

Cassper Nyovest — Sweet and Short [UMG/Family Tree]

South African rapper Cassper Nyovest’s club-ready fourth studio album signals a return to his roots in kwaito (Afrikaans for “angry”), a heady mix of hip-hop and house music that originated in Johannesburg in the 1990s featuring slow tempos and African sounds, samples and slang that has grown into a potent youth culture.

Listen on Spotify.

Peter Brötzmann and Heather Leigh — Sparrow Nights [Trost]

For their first studio album, Scotland-based improv pedal steel master Heather Leigh (whose excellent solo album “Throne” was also released this year) and German free jazz sax legend Peter Brötzmann show off the intimate, minimalist intensity they’ve developed over three years of collaboration. Probing and melancholic, “Sparrow Nights” is often rapturous, at times profound.

Listen on Spotify.

Tomáš Kačo — My Home [Independent]

On “For Chopin,” the opening track on his long-awaited debut album, 31-year-old virtuoso pianist and composer Tomáš Kačo takes the master’s lead, playing the famous Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2 (first published in 1832). But soon, the song diverges into his own expressive, jazzy strands to create not only an homage but an audacious musical conversation that stretches across the centuries. History plays a central role in “My Home,” which features some of the vibrant traditional gypsy music that Kačo’s father played for him when he was a just a young Romany pianist studying at the Academy of Performing Arts in Prague. A special treat: legendary bassist John Patitucci joins in for the duet “Marov.”

Listen on Spotify.

Scud + Nomex — Maschinebau EP (re-release) [Praxis]

In 1997, London techno-scuzz impresarios DJ Scud (founder of Ambush! Records) and Nomex (founder of Adverse Records) joined forces to launch the Maschinenbau label, releasing just two 7”s. Praxis had to good sense to re-release these deliriously filthy and abusive breakcore/industrial noise tracks just in time for the 21st-century robot invasion.

Listen on Bandcamp.

Ÿuma — Poussière d’ètoiles (“Stardust”) [Innacor]

In Poussière d’ètoiles (“Stardust”), Tunisian duo Ÿuma (singer Sabrine Jenhani and guitarist-singer Ramy Zoghlami) offer an intimate, minimalist blues-folk gem, sung in Arabic, that isn’t afraid to tangle with the difficult cultural politics of their homeland. In “Mestenni Ellil” (“I wait for the night”), they explore the desperation of two young lovers who can never be together due to the girl’s arranged marriage — a practice that is sadly legal and common in Tunisia.

Listen on Spotify.

#2018 #topten #music #albums

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