#also I’m fine lol I’ve just been feeling very edgy and I’ve listened to the same song a wild amount of times in the past month

[cloverpicking]

— the mind electric —

#trying very very hard to post this without thinking about it too hard #also I’m fine lol I’ve just been feeling very edgy and I’ve listened to the same song a wild amount of times in the past month #and again I’m trying not to be a hypocrite after my last rambling post lol #anyway I’ll stop talking now here it is

[polaroidplanets]

end of the year this or that (louie edition)

thanks for tagging me @silverfoxlou and @louis-in-red my loves <3

under the cut because it ended up being long as fuck

Just Hold On or DLIBYH - JHO live version definitely wins, if we could get a studio version of that rendition it would be literally a perfect song and it would be on all of my playlists no joke

Back to You or Miss You - miss you is SUCH A BOP! literally such a pop-rock queen. the little pitch change in the last chorus kills me every time <3

Just Like You or Only The Brave - no offence but i kinda hate just like you (i will not elaborate)

Fearless or Defenceless - defenceless wins but it’s a close call. i love fearless, she’s an edgy bitch, but the bridge in defenceless gets me. i love the studio version, i love the live version, every time he changes it it somehow gets ever better ?? except when he had the crowd sing it at afh, it was cute but let me hear you sing it sir

Always You or Habit - habit gets a bad rep and it is genuinely a good song, (in fact it’s the first louis song i added to a playlist before i was truly in his lane) but it PALES in comparison to always you. we were robbed of always you being a single. she is a pop goddess and truly would have been really popular tbh. also the vocals !!!!

Too Young or We Made It - too young is a little boring if i’m being honest (sue me) the opening drums for we made it at afh *heart eyes* *star eyes* (i’m on my laptop right now lol)

Kill My Mind or Walls - kmm is a BOP AND A HALF i hope and pray that lt2 is more like her <3 this was another close one because the fan interaction during walls is the best thing ever <3

Perfect Now or Two of Us - perfect now feels like little things 2.0 which is fine but not really my cup of tea anymore, her saving grace is “mY OH MYyyy”. two of us is beyond words

Copy or Change - when this went around after afh, i was practically the only one who said change but now i have to say copy because the lyricism is literally next level holy shit

Beautiful War or 7 - beautiful war is great but louis literally lights up when he sings 7 also i love catfish and i’ve loved them for years so i’m defo team 7

Drag Me Down or Through the Dark or Little Black Dress - i’m pretty sure the first time i heard drag me down was when i listened to live from london so i really just associate it with louis singing it as a soloist. the other two are from my favorite one direction album so to me they are truly one direction songs. something about louis singing drag me down is very poetic to me, it really makes a statement

Live From London or Away From Home Festival - i wasn’t in the fandom yet when live from london happened so i obviously don’t have as much attachment to it as i do with the afhf. but also louis was so much happier that day. he truly lives to be on the stage in front of fans (also when he messed up walls it was the funniest shit)

this was fun(:

i tag my wife-to-be, @quetzal-28 , my mother-in-law to be, @louis-the-eternity , as well as some wedding guests, @shutterbug2012 @otralilo @crankydee @dlibyhbcn @britpopstarlwt feel free to ignore(:

#i didn't realize how long this would end up being lol #i'm an opinionated person what can i say lmao #sophia talks #end of the year this or that

[obsidianfr3sk]

1 to 25 writers askss <3

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason? I haven’t wrote anything about RoR because I have been feeling more... excited about other projects. I still want to finish it tho

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing? The Origins, but probably because it was my first work for a fandom after 3 years of basically not sharing my writing with anyone. I still love it because that’s the work that made my friends notice me x’d

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else? Depends. I’m currently working on two one shots, and I’m writing my favorite scenes of one of them first.

4) favorite character you’ve written Since this is a Renegades blog I’m going to take this question as if it was asking me about my favorite character to write about, and I’m going with Hugh and Simon *norteño emoji*

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing Tbh I never expected I end up writing about Ace and David, but here we are, and I love them.

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now I don’t think there’s anything I’d change. probably I’d make The Origins’ chapters longer JAJAJAJA

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write? Depends x2 

8) favorite genre to write Romance. But my favorite fanfic trope is Hurt/No-Comfort, does that count?

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration? Listen to music. Almost all my fics are based off songs.

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone? Silence and alone, like a mamoncita.

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing? I think I’ve improved a lot with my sentence structure:)

12) your weaknesses as an author Physical fight scenes and scenes where I have to give explanations 

13) your strengths as an author Verbal fight scenes and... I want to think that comedy is also a big strength of mine *le pegan por payasa*

14) do you make playlists for your current wips? Only RoR has a playlist, but I do have a lot of songs for my current wips. Some of them without context are:

Todavía - Matisse

Death of a Hero - Alec Benjamin

Through your eyes - Alec Benjamin

Just Like you - Alec Benjamin

Demons - Alec Benjamin

From Now On - The Greatest Showman 

Cómo te extraño, Mi Amor - Leo Dan

Canción Sin Miedo 

As you can see I love Alec Benjamin lol

15) why did you start writing? I fully believe it had to be with the fact that I wanted to... understand certain things that happened to me when I was a kid.

16) are there any characters who haunt you? wey no mames el wero pendejo lteralmente me persigue en mis sueños hijo de su chingada madre ojalá coma pito y se ahogue

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be? Keep writing. 

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they? Insignia Series and... ngl probably Rainbow Rowell. I’m sorry. Rainbow Rowell is... not a nice person x’d

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.? Yes, I do!

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts? Lately I’ve been writing in very little spurts because of my current housing situation

21) what do you think when you read over your older work? “Ay Obsi you sweet thing there’s not a single thought inside that head isn’t it?”

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write? The only thing I’m uncomfortable writing is hardcore smut. Other than that, I’m fine

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing? my childhood trauma definitely the most toxic parts of the relationships I have with the members of my family. I think... it makes me take a neutral position on characters I like and being neutral is pretty important for me when it comes to writing, especially because of the topics I like to write about.

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story? No, I’m not that smart JAJAJAJA

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of Right now I’m on an edgy state of mind so I’m going to leave this question unanswered *emoji norteño x2*

[endercafe]

┊͙˘͈ᵕ˘͈ ⊰ complementary dish! (matchup)

Uh so starting off, I dont really feel like I have a sense of self so I just asked my closest friends what kind of person I am for these mcyt ships, so.. i’ll give you their opinions on me then speak a bit about what i think of myself, i hope its not too much ;; ( also i only had one friend actually send me what they see me as, cuz the rest of my friends just.. theyre dumb n shi, but i still love them, so you’ll only hear from two perspectives ^^ )

“Flip flops on either being sarcastic and joking to serious in a snap. Pretty defensive with what she likes and will speak their mind on what bothers them. They overthink and believe that everyone’s against them (personal experience), but they have gotten better at controlling that. Hates Ed sherran (I think). Is pretty indecisive on wanting to be ur hot hentai gf that’s goth or that but not goth and instead cottagecore so it’s like bruhhhhhh n e ways pretty cool.” So uh,, thats what my friend thinks of me, my other friend isnt the best at describing but they said they liked my vibes so... ye,,

Now for my own perspective, i’ll go into a bit if detail of what i look like then my personality. I am a 5’4 person who is more on the slim side, I have brown eyes, my current haircut is the wolfcut with wavy fluffy layers, the color is mix of a light-dark brown and red, so it looks like i have red streaks which i think is pretty cool ^^ I have percings on both my ears and i’m planning on getting more earrings, maybe even starting a small collection of unique ones i find. that’s it for the appearance ig, (sorry for sounding so awkward or stiff, just.. bare with me here im struggling lol)

now onto the personality, i’d say, im kinda just... like any other normal person per say, i tend to be at a normal mood but whenever im with a friend i cant help but get in an extremely hyper mood, like my mood is pretty dependent on the enviroment im in, so like when im w my friends i get very impulsive and bold and start being able to talk to strangers like i’ve known them for years even though i wouldnt normally do that. also i’d say im pretty straightfoward and blunt, i’m just going to quickly say it since i dont feel too comfortable speaking about it since i feel very edgy/insecure just saying it but i have been disgnosed with anger issues and anxiety anyways... onto my interests.. woohooo,,, i like psychology, mcyts, drawing/art, music, and i’d say im pretty open to any type of game as long as i have a friend to play with, but my personal favorite genres are RPG, horror, combat, and any indie game ^^

anon — ” i match you with...

punz!

__________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

firstly THANK YOU for giving me so much to go off of while writing this, and secondly i just immediately thought of punz when i started reading this :D alright alright, so punz is really into goth/cottagecore aesthetics, your style is hella fine in his opinion and he can and will buy you clothes he thinks you’ll look cute in. apart from that, your physical appearance is just super badass in punz’s (and my own) opinion. your height makes it easy for punz to be able to carry you around (with consent ofc!!!) he likes being able to hold ur hand and keep you close, the smp is HUGE so it is easy for you to get lost :( listen he is a simp and i’m not gonna lie abt that— sarcasm is 100% punz’s way of flirting, plus he adores people who can stand up for themselves and who aren’t afraid to tell someone off when they’re being stupid.

your impulsiveness and ability to be comfortable and talkative with strangers when you’re around friends just throws this blonde idiot for a loop in the best ways, he’s extremely surprised when your personality does a complete 180 and you start chatting away with new people. punz is happy that you can make friends in this way, but he also makes sure that you’re taking care of yourself and not getting overwhelmed! your anger issues and your anxiety don’t bother punz at all, but he does keep an eye on you to make sure you’re not pushing yourself. horror/combat games are two genres that punz absolutely loves, though he’s down for any game you want to play as long as you can both have fun!

onto your art, punz will love anything you make :D he’s terrible at drawing and anything like that, and often praises you because he really can’t believe that he’s lucky enough to be with somebody as talented as you are (even if you might not agree with him, he knows your artwork is amazing.)

#dsmp matchup #matchup #dream smp matchup #my requests were closed #when this was sent in #BUT #anon u were so sweet #i wanted to do this #bc u talking abt yourself made me smile

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Episode 2: Rebecca...She’s back, I guess?

So I got hella sick this week so it’s...just one update this weekend. The rest of the next update has the caps done but then the copy I was putting together got very distracted about which Founding Father was the hottest and I think that was the Dayquil? I barely know what day of the week it is rn. I think it’s Saturday, is it Saturday?

Anyway, we’re battling that Monocle guy. Gurimo? Yeah his name is Gurimo. I honestly can’t remember him saying his name even once, so thanks Google for the help.

It’s a new season so not only did we suck all the power out of God Cards but now you can’t use them anymore with the new glowing green mechanic. The writers really did just...a lot to make it so God Cards are no longer relevant. Like they buried them so far.

This guy repeats himself quite a lot about being soul hungry? Yeah I watched all of Sailor Moon so like, I’m super up to date on my soul energy anime. I’ve walked this path before I know it well.

(read more under the cut)

Such a shame we can’t read those stats which may just be Hebrew letters in lorem ipsum (note that when Pegasus makes you a card, you don’t get to have stats) but it’s nice to know that, if you wanted to, you could play Rex and Weevil in universe of the show and something would happen.

Anyway, Gurimo lost, his eyes went all glowy red at some point, and decided to go out throwing stuff because it’s Yugioh and you have to throw cards at least 3 times a season, its in the contract.

Don’t think about physics guys, just trust that cards can do this on a roof where there’s no wind for some reason.

And then he went up in a green ball of glory. It was nice of the green beam of soul energy to wait until the impossible card toss was over.

Lol this show and how it just kills people on screen just...all the time. All the freakin time. Can’t show a gun, but murder as many people as you like. It’s OK, his soul is in a paper card so he’s not *really* dead. That won’t terrify children under the age of 10.

So Pharaoh decides to do the tactic of telling a bunch of motorcycle gang edgy kids (adults? not sure about those three) that stealing is Wrong.

They also, youknow, are implicit in murdering Rex and Weevil but youknow, stealing is wrong and the God Cards don’t belong to them and Pharaoh is shook that these kids won’t keep their end of their bargain that whoever wins the card fight keeps the cards.

So basically Gurimo died for freakin nothing.

Welcome back to the fold, Rex and Weevil, apparently this show isn’t done with you yet. I was pretty much done with both of you 3 seasons ago but alas, you will be back, with your raspy as hell voice acting, at the beginning of S5. I am sure of it.

(PS I just noticed I spelled resurrect wrong and I know I should go back into photoshop but like...I’m too sick to care at this moment so maybe I’ll change it in the next week or so I dunno, I’m just gonna post this thing so I can feel like I did something productive today.)

And so these kids decide the police are never going to freakin show up to the rooftop brawl where a guy super died and several children were endangered and a huge beam of light you can see from space went out like a bat signal to the rest of the city of “ps, something bad is happening over here, if any of you adults feel like helping out these four high school drop outs? Nobody?”

First, they decide to keep this horrible thing:

(which second thought is not SO surprising, because Yugi clearly loves hoarding dead people)

And then this other horrible thing:

Why would you keep these? Why would you do this?

I mean Yugi’s got such specific dark tastes that I wouldn’t be half surprised if his closet is filled with dozens and dozens of rat skulls he collected from the subway station.

And then the next day, Yugi decided to just like watch Joey and Tristan dangle Rex and Weevil like puppets. It just seemed super unnecessary.

Like Yugi isn’t even Pharaoh right now but he’s absolutely fine with these guys getting shook around. Yugi is all sorts of gray area in this show and I’m glad that’s never changed although sometimes it’s like “Is Yugi slowly turning into a mob boss? Because I’m down, but also somewhat concerned?”

Anyway, the God Cards aren’t even here anymore so we say farewell to Rex and Weevil who seem just as confused at how the hell you can steal a God Card as we are.

*not entirely sure where Rex and Weevil are from. I’ve been assuming the UK or the US but like...maybe they live here? I don’t even know.

And then Chibiusa--I mean Rebecca showed up.

Ah, remember this plot point from S1? What if she shows up and (according to Bro) Just never leaves?

I’m coming to terms with this. Anyway, Rebecca’s only purpose seems to be as a part of a (love????) triangle (square????) between Yugi and Tea but like...

And maybe this is the Dayquil speaking but...

Is this even weird?

Seriously, they’re family friends, why is this weird? Maybe it’s because one of Rebecca’s core traits is that she’s American and I’m also an American so I don’t even see a problem with Rebecca and how she acts (since she’s a freakin child with a crush on a card-famous person) but like what small child see her friend she hasn’t seen in 2 years and is not going to hug him?

Anyway, Yugi was the worst to not remember this chick. Maybe his brain looks like a box of loose packing peanuts (I say as a metaphor remembering that his brain literally looks like an Escher painting screensaver), but he can’t remember this chick from just 2 years ago that he gave his rarest card to? The chick who’s grandfather had that blue-eyes he gave to Yugi’s Grandfather? The chick who’s grandfather helped his grandfather get that necklace around Yugi’s neck? The necklace he wears every single day and is super cursed by?

How do you forget the Hawkins when they are part of the reason everyone thinks you’re losing your mind?

But I guess she looks older now and got a pair of glasses (bifocals????). She No longer has her hair in pigtails but, I dunno, she looks basically the same to me since she’s still about the same size as Yugi but wtv.

And then Yugioh was like “Listen everyone, we’re very tired of all of your angry reviews, and I see y’all are saying we never do romance, well get ready, we know how to do romance really well, get ready for it, we can make things move faster than a snail in wet cement, just watch.”

Because somehow, after Yugi was the biggest asshole ever to Rebeca, I guess she figured like “well, at least you’re still card famous”

You know what? I have several girlfriends who I am not dating, but, if it’s been a couple weeks since they’ve seen me last, will give me a huge as drunk hug on my arm and go “MY LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND MARRY ME” and like...Again I’m American so maybe this is just my culture here in California?

I’d like to believe that Rebecca is just messing with these people because she can.

Ps I’m pretty sure this girl was 6 last time we saw her but they decided...we better age her up if it’s gonna be a romance but they only made her 12. OK show. Yugi’s pushing 17 at this point so like...barely even logical. I’d say legal but I’m thinking more of just logic at this point because the last time we saw this girl she was holding a teddy bear (which we can guarantee is probably still shoved into her luggage)

...OK, show...

Now listen listen listen. All ships are fine here. I’m not gonna go after shipping because like, c’mon, it’s 2019. If you stan Rebecca and Yugi, go for it, why not? I’ve said it before, and my feelings haven’t really changed, I’m immune to shipping, so I feel absolutely no different with Rebecca and Yugi than I do with Tea and Yugi. I think Tea makes more sense, but that’s not saying very much because literally anyone else on this cast who isn’t related to him could probably work. Go ahead and bring back Mako Tsunami. There’d be a fun pair.

Bro got very excited when I mentioned a MakoxYugi pairing just now ps.

But it really does feel like this ship has the dynamic of the Usagi/Chibiusa/Mamaru ship from Sailor Moon where Usagi was always jealous of small little Chibiusa spending time with Mamaru who was her OWN DAD. Why would you EVER be jealous of a 12 year old girl hanging with your boy...friend? Tea is a 17ish year old ballerina who never, ever wears full pants. She’d have this in the bag if she ever decided to like...do anything with...this. And I don’t blame Tea for never doing anything with “this” because like...look at “this.”

I just don’t think the writing team knows how to write a competent love triangle (square) but...this exists now. They even had Rebecca decide to dress nearly identically to Tea as a demonstration of her devotion but like...it honestly comes off more that this small child just admires Tea. Because she’s 12.

Yugi is just babysitting this girl for his Grandfather and it feels like the writing team just had to have the girls be all catty at eachother. Because it’s a kids show. Gotta have those girls all catty. Can’t let them be friends.

Anyway, back at this museum that these kids visit so freakin often, you’d think they’d change their home address, we meet up with the granddads in question.

Ah, now Ishizu is no longer with us, Exposition Grandpa is here to take the torch. Can’t wait for that.

And I made his font gray because I freakin give up. Grandpa Hawkins might change his font color every episode. I...I’m figuring it out.

And then, every helicopter in Domino shed a single tear.

Wow. I’ve been so mad for so many seasons that they never use a freakin seaplane to cross the ocean that when they actually do I’m like...kind of disappointed?

I mean it’s not shaped like a dragon, but I will take this perfectly acceptable seaplane.

I can’t believe they drew a normal ass plane. on this show.

*Waits patiently for it to turn into a blimp next episode*

Anyway, if you just got here, this is a link to read all the caps in chrono order. There’s over 3 seasons of this. Y’all I’ve done over 100 episodes.

#Yugioh #Ygo #episode recap #photo recap #Yugi Muto #Rebecca Hawkins #Tea Gardner #Joey Wheeler #Gurimo #The biker guys I think one is called valon or something #tristan taylor #grandpa muto #grandpa hawkins #so I found out only the first 5 tags are searchable so I don't know why Im bothering writing so many tags other than it's fun #S4 #Ep2

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Romania to Eurovision with an edgy plea for a return of special someone

To be honest, I wasn’t that on board with Selecția Națională 2019, like, at all. I get that scandals happened and three songs withdrew from the comp. at various stages due to various reasons, but Romania is just Romania to me somehow. Well there were a few overall gems (some of them out of the finals too), but I just couldn’t be bothered to waste my Sunday evenings on a single broadcast of it. Plus, I was never that swayed by the two big fanwanks from here anyway, so I’m glad they flopped lol.

But maaaan did I have a bone to pick with the people reacting to it. Especially towards the Wiwi jurors. Look, there’s such a thing called as “song growing on you” and “performance elevating the song”, as well as the one that goes “getting over it”. Surely these aren’t make belief concepts of life, hmm? I’m not one of those people who prefer a song more or less thanks to its performance, but there are some good ones that occasionally change my opinion on a song, especially a ‘boring’ one! And thanks to those terrible people, some of Wiwibloggs videos were unfairly attacked with dislikes, and mind you, not only on the Romanian NF interviews that don’t have the current Romanian subject of choice, no - both first-reaction-after-qualifying-to-A-Dal-2019-final interviews (that were of these two) too. And it’s not even the first time a televote winner doesn’t win the NF so you should have SHUT. THE FUCK. UP. (- Penn Jilette) Clear? (:

(lol this is all directed to the people from like three months ago, obviously now that the writeup is late the drama has cooled down A LOT, especially in the light of Ukraine’s events and the actual dust of this Euroseason where everyone made amends with everything, but I can’t help but keep what I thought of this initially because I just wanted to write something for Romania as I didn’t have anything else to say until I remembered the drama so)

So here’s that one controversial subject that unexpectedly slayed the poor man’s “Fuego” and that one homophobic teen by hitting it hard by an extremely unbalanced jury vote (and 24 points to it coming from that core Wiwibloggs duo, no less) and her on-stage couch possessing - the half-local half-Canadian little to no known artiste, Ester Peony, who conquered all in her homeland “On a Sunday”, as her songtitle says (haha bad puns whoop.) Is it any more mesmerizing over the two fanwank fanflops, or is it, just like Wiwi said at first, ‘boring’? Hmm...

It starts of bluesy, with the Western-movie-sounding-pop guitar twangs accompanying the sound, and Ester begins reminiscing her love that left her on a Sunday of September, later followed by snap percussion. And deep inside she wants that person to come back “to [her], to [her], to [he-eeee-eeee-er], eh, eh, eh, eh”. She begs and pleads for the return for her loved one, as I believe the absence deeply upsets her (smoke from the ashtray, everything’s so cold an gray, loving is a hard price to pay) and eats her up from the inside to a degree. I never had someone to leave me like that on a whatever the day was, but I feel for Ester’s song’s protagoniste.

Here are some interesting things I find in this song: its progressive intensity; the decision of putting a 3rd verse up in the place of the bridge; right after some additional “eh eh eh eh” after the chorus (bridges are usually of completely different vocal line ways); cool voice of the singer’s; the strings; the beat... and the fact that it’s described as “electro-pop”. Pop I might get, in fact it sometimes reminds me of those older Billboard chart topper songs from mid-00s por so, or that it could have been one of those kind of songs. You needed just to give it to a popstar relevant of the time and voilà - a hit! Electro... not quite sure on this one. Maybe the bass that occurs in the 2nd and 3rd verses indicates something on it but that’s all.

And man do I hate to say this but the song's attitude is something that makes me wanna scream sometimes. It occasionally happens when I stop feeling so happy clappy for a song a few listens later because I just don't feel like caring about it anymore and that it starts making me feel some sort of a soulache because I trusted it in the first place. Kinda like "Funny Girl", Latvia 2018: I actually didn't mind it at first but its desperation got on my nerves a whole lot that I got completely irritated. "On a Sunday" has enough elements that I like to keep the irritation feeling at bay, but I doubt that even they will not make me want to smash a chair everytime I hear that chorus again... you think you can suppress your smugness overtime, song? Think again about it later

Oh and there's a supposed revamp, I doubt I would be able to feel any better about that song that way, as long as my mind just automatically recognizes Ester's singing as "whining" for some reason. It probably will make me feel less worse if I see a stage show similar to the absurd mess one from the NF where shit happens and Ester's just chilling on a chair. Game of Loans? Student loans? It was random but I definitely appreciated the scarlet madness all surrounding it. I hope to maybe see something similar in Tel Aviv - edgy imagery, why not. Bring on the candles and the ravens.

To summarize, I don’t think it’s a bad song at all. It’s daring, it’s badass, it's kickass, it comes right at you, grabs you in and you adapt to it however you can be able to. However...

Approval factor: I still have mixed feelings about passing it off as something approvable, but objectively I would like to do so. Good for you to try something different, Romania.

Follow-up factor: Anything at least half-decent is a fine follow-up after The Humans’s mediocrisms (I’m helping the dictionary to have more words, one construction at a time!). I liked the Humans more though and Ester... sort of? But in general context, Ester’s a fantastic successor.

Qualification factor: Somehow this did not sound like a definite Eurovision qualifier to me, so at one point I thought it would be just missing out... but it’s a complete effing borderline of a song. At one point it sounds good enough for a filler qualifier, at another it’s just not qualifying somehow. We’ll see how she rehearses it up in two days, though.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

I think there’s nothing more I can say about Selecția Națională (refered to as SN from this point onwards) than I already said in the intro, so let’s get to the moments, shall we? ;)

• So what else do I have to say about the fanwank-esses that hasn’t been said? Well, on one hand you have an Amazon-jungle-tribal version of “Fuego”, “Army of Love”, performed by Bella Santiago (who had one of my favourite SN entries last year lmao), who went all out with body paint and wild choreo and a rap bridge in Tagalog (one of Bella’s native languages) to make it all sound slightly different than “Fuego”, but still, that pre-chorus just feels like a pitched-down “Fuego” from a B minor to a G flat minor, with the same acoustics and the beat, and the drop is some limp-ass Amazon flutery magic. On the other hand you have a 16 year old Laura Bretan with an poperatic ode to her “Dear Father” which was praised for her insanely good vocal skills (I forgot what’s that called... an alto? soprano? mezzo-soprano? sorry I know a lot about music but not a lot about those ranges) more than the song itself... there’s a big problem about Laura though as people found out that she does not believe and/or condone a marriage between same-sex people. For Eurofans that’s a major red flag as as of lately Eurovision is very LGBTQ+ friendly and having had Laura next to people like Bilal or Mahmood would have probably been concerning if she knew of them having had boyfriends... Like I said, neither of those are special. Imo people loved Bella’s song because of the “Fuego” vibe and people loved Laura’s song because of her voice combined with her age. I said what I said. (Oh and there was a missed opportunity for Il Volo and Laura to reunite this year in Eurovision had they only been chosen in their NFs.)

• Screw these gals, now here come on the real faves of mine - another rock band, obviously, and that’s Trooper. No but for real, could at least ANY country have sent a rock song this year? It could have even been San Marino for all I cared but this year is so MoR without a rock entry... Trooper’s “Destin” sounds like something coming out from an epic fable about legendary heroes fighting for their glory of the nation by slaying goblins with wearing medieval costumes (with a sleeveless top and metal armor for the chest), bearing their long hair and looking strong and hunky. Lai-lai-la-la-la-lai!

• Now what were the other competing entries I liked? There were quite a few like the folk bop titled “D A I N A” and sung by Letiția Moisescu and Sensibil Balkan, then Teodora Dinu’s captivating pop tune “Skyscraper” and a really catchy non-qualifier entry by a band Steam, named “The Way It Goes”... no really Romania, why’d you let that flop... and why did you also let 2 Gents flop... and moreso importantly WHY DID YOU LET THE FOUR FLOP??? That’s like the best football-anthem-esque song I’ve heard in a while... such a shame it didn’t appear on the national selection’s final. Oh well. Poor those 4 young souls.

• Now what were those 3 (actually 4) withdrawals? First one was concerning the first ever Romanian representative Dan Bittman and his own problems so he couldn’t return to a NF and be one of the potential returning artists to Eurovision. Then there was this Australian-Romanian chick named Xonia who withdrew for seemingly no reason, all last minute. There was one more withdrawal from a semi-regular SN participant Xandra too, as well citing unknown reasons. And then there’s Mihai (or as he likes calling himself nowadays, M I H A I) who once again wanted to return to Eurovision (no wonder his Eurovision 2006 song was called “Tornero” lol) with an entry, and this one is called “Baya”. And then he went on an epic quest of flopping - firstly by withdrawing his song last minute from SN claiming that it’s corrupted, then considering to return as a wildcard, then thinking on to latching on to Eurofest in Belarus, but gotten sick last minute and therefore perma-cancelled his NFs journey this year entirely by not appearing on the Eurofest auditions. <3 Not to mention he’s a bit of a creep by subjecting people to his nude pictures with just him in his underwear. dude you’re almost 40, stop doing that to the kids. you’re not even a “daddy”. just look how alien you look on your song’s thumbnail:

• Netta continues her guest appearances on various NFs, such as in UK and in Spain (in spirit, as it was just the Triunfitos singing “Toy” at the beginning of the ESC OT Gala). This one even had her singing her newest song “Bassa Sababa” alongside “Toy”. Oh and there also was one of the Festivali i Këngës 56 alums coming by, Inis Neziri, to perform something for Romania after having won a music competition in Romania, and here’s her performance. But did she even have anything interesting in her backdrop as this?

We know you did Netta sweetie but do you honestly need to reminds us? I did not see Eleni doing shit like this and I don’t want you to do the same. Well if anything I am glad Netta only gracefully performed “Toy” on EYD 2019 (which I missed in my “National Final bonus” section for the UK’s review (as well as them reminiscing Eurovision’s best moments) but frankly I don’t think you cared anymore about it when you learned I was gonna write so many long-ass paragraphs, so yeah)...

• So what was the exact thing again that made everyone such bitter Betties? Well, everyone foresaw Bella and Laura battling it out in this NF, having succesfully qualified together. They even did well in the televote. But then the jury vote happened, and it included the God-forbidden Wiwibloggs duo voting separately and usualy picking all the similar favourites based on performances. They were very pleased with Ester Peony’s on-stage chair prop and her dramatic mess so they gave her their 12s. INDIVIDUALLY. And that’s one of things that pushed Ester higher for the win, despite only having 3 points from the televote lol. But the worst part about it is their opinions: they have praised “Dear Father” so much for mostly the same reasons others praised it so much as well, and were stunned. A what they thought of Ester’s song? That it’s boring. And their mindset switched when voting on this NF, with 12ing Ester and only giving a few feeble points to Laura. That’s where the backlash ensued - not when Emmelie de Forest (yep she was in the jury too) did not give any points to Bella Santiago’s song - just for that notion alone. Maybe it was because of a REASON. Laura’s song in the end is just an uninteresting pop ballad with some additional vocal exercising (too flawless that you even tire from flawlessness), Ester at least brought something to liven up her song, and maybe Wiwis changed their opinion accordingly by not being enthused by Laura anymore! And what’s the problem with that, eh eh eh?.. oh right, y’all accusing Wiwibloggs having rated Laura down because she’s a homophobe. Real friggen’ obviously because of that, you guys. NOT. Grow a brain a bit, will ya. (and even a contestant named Linda Teodosiu was pissed about Wiwibloggs not giving her enough points lmao... her song was a typical ”rent a NF songwriter” spiel so she has no effin’ reason to be mad her ‘originality’ wasn’t awarded lol.)

Worth noting that one of the other reasons people were mad that the juryvote points overpowered the televote big time (like 7 juror votes against 1 set of televotes - inequal) and therefore did not even listen to what they had to say (again, Ester had 3 freaking televote points lol). It’s a thing y’all should get used to - juries overrating an act one way or the other, against the televote’s will. It’s a given nowadays, remember. I know y'all Romanians wanted to scream "ESTER IS NOT OUR WINNER WE HAVEN'T DECIDED HER WE WANT BELLA/LAURA!!!" but that's the truth with the juries.

And thankfully, that is, what I think, all you need to remember from the SN headache this year. Fortunately it’s much smaller than the last year’s headache that, aside from 60 songs in total for 5 semis (!!!), also had a very strictly eliminative system that had 3 qualifiers each from a semi decided by juries ONLY (geez not even A Dal does that!), only to soften things up by having everyone fall down on televote’s hands only during the final. And then the final had the drama on its own. But if I reminisced it all on here, we’d be taking more than just all day, so it’s best that I stop this here and now, for all of ya who are already tired of all this waffle.

Good luck to Ester! and may all of your fans see you performing on a Saturday :)

#eurovision 2019 #tel aviv 2019 reviews #romania 2019 #ester peony #on a sunday #romania

[auroraknux]

Incorrect Shadow Boom Quotes - Part I’ve Lost Count

Unlike the previous times, I do actually know where most of these quotes are from. However, there are still a few I don’t know the origin of. Also, as always, I have modified some of them.

Anyway, sorry I keep posting these lol. I just enjoy collecting quotes that fit the characters in my AU.

Amy: A strong relationship is built on clear communication and a shared bloodlust.

Maria: I came up with hundreds of plans in my life, and only one of them got me killed.

Rouge: As my mom always used to say, if a cop handcuffs you to a bike rack, there's always something you can gnaw through.

Shadow: Your mom always said that?

Shadow: So, just wanted to double check. How do ethical philosophers feel about murder?

Amy: It's frowned upon.

Shadow: Okay. What if the reason you want to murder someone is to make your life easier? That's okay, right?

Sonic: (holding Pikachu) Don't ever talk to me or my son again.

Shadow: I'm a champion of karate and friendship.

Amy: Your home is on fire, you have sixty seconds. What do you take?

Shadow: A nap.

Knuckles: (holding baby Blaze) What are her stats?

Amy: If you had 5 apples and gave 3 to a friend, how many apples would you have?

Sonic: *tears up* A...a friend...

Sonic: *takes a deep breath* I ha--

Knuckles: Yes, you hate Shadow, we know. You hate Shadow so much. He's the bane of your existence. You hate him so much. You just hate Shadow, we KNOW. You hate Shadow. You fricking hate Shadow. Okay, we know, we get it. YOU HATE SHADOW. WE GET IT.

Sticks: The moon landing was fake.

Sonic, deciding to mess with her: Pffft, you believe in the moon?

Sonic: In case you haven't noticed, I'm weird. I'm a weirdo. I don't fit in. I don't want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without a small Pokemon on my head? That's weird.

Shadow: When I was younger I had a crush on a girl in my class and didn't know how to deal with it, so I wrote her a letter that just said "get out of my school".

Rouge: ...THAT WAS YOU?!

Shadow: SONIC FUCK OFF

Shadow: AND BY FUCK OFF I MEAN FUCK OFF RIGHT BACK HERE AND LISTEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK

Knuckles: It's so beautiful out here.

Sonic: Yeah, it's just me, you, and the moon.

Amy: *somehow standing on the moon* HEY! YOU TWO SHOULD KISS!

Sonic: And this is Pikachu.

Knuckles: Uh, he has a knife.

Pikachu, holding obvious knife: (in Pika-speak) Wha? No, no I don't.

Shadow: Rouge said I was the most handsome hedgehog in the world.

Sonic: Knuckles said that to me, too.

Shadow: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE.

Rouge: Hey! What did you get for your birthday, Shadow?

Shadow: I got older.

Knuckles: Want to see an impression of my parents?

Sonic: Sure.

Knuckles: *leaves*

Sonic: How much do you love me?

Knuckles: *cradles Sonic's cheeks in his hands and looks deeply into his eyes*

Knuckles: Hella

Shadow: I'm going to defeat you with the power of friendship and this gun I found.

Rouge: I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out.

Shadow: It's a post-jail date.

Tails: Don't say some truly stupid stuff like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept.

Shadow: You know it's going to be a rough day when you scream "Get fucked" at your alarm clock.

Rouge: I still can’t get over the fact that Shadow thinks I have my life together. That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me.

Amy: Relax, Shadow. Patience is a virtue.

Shadow: WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE? WHY CAN’T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?

Tails: What are you guys dressing as for the costume party?

Shadow: Sad.

Amy: Gay.

Rouge: Sexy.

Knuckles: Minecraft.

Sonic: Also Minecraft.

Sticks: You should feel lucky I'm asking you out. I'm a very sought after girl, I've been kidnapped like twice.

Amy: I'm sorry, are you bragging about being kidnapped?

Sonic: *has just gotten done explaining his tragic backstory*

Shadow: I'm sorry, I didn't know.

Sonic: How would you know that? You don't even talk to me.

Shadow: I do talk to you. I just say mean things.

Rouge: Red is such an edgy color, but it's also the color of love and cherries and Valentine's Day and it's so lovely and fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you, Shadow the Hedgehog!!!!!!!!

Knuckles: You had me in the first half, not going to lie.

Shadow: She had you in the second half too, you fucking coward.

Sonic: My problem is that I push people away and then get mad at them for leaving me.

Sonic: What were you planning to do with the rest of your night?

Knuckles: Probably watch cooking videos and fantasize about pie.

Rouge: Wait, Shadow had a stoner phase? How high did he get?

Amy: He asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, he looked me dead in the eye and said "Today is your lucky day" then curled into a ball and started talking...that high.

Rouge: Anyway, at least being paid in opium makes a cool story.

Sticks: Are you inviting me to ice cream?

Amy: The subtext of everything I say to you is inviting you to ice cream.

Sonic: (to Shadow) Did we seriously just get in a fist fight over Kit Kats?

Knuckles: Glitter fights sound a lot funnier in theory.

Rouge: I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.

Infinite: Don't worry, I have logic...just not morals.

Shadow: But there's so much I want to do before I have kids. Like die.

Shadow: All I heard was Rouge saying "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.

Shadow: I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really want those mozzarella sticks.

Infinite: Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organized folders.

Knuckles: When I asked you to bring me back something from the beach, I meant like a conch shell!

Sonic: *struggling to hold a Wingull* Fucking say THAT, then!

Knuckles: The echidna life is a strained and tense one. I envy the life of a smooth rock resting on the beach…warmed by the sun…unaware of the trials and tribulations of sentient life…

Sonic: Do you need to talk?

Knuckles: I wish I was a croissant.

Sonic: Hello 911? Yes, hi, I accidentally stepped on my Pikachu's tail and I need to be arrested.

Beaver Policeman: Mr. Hedgehog, we’ve talked about this.

Shadow: Dad, I’m ready to go.

Black Doom: Hi ready to go, I’m Dad.

Shadow [tearing up]: Did you just make a dad joke?

Black Doom [sobbing]: Did you just call me Dad?

[at an amusement park on the teacup ride]

Shadow and Rouge: *spinning calmly while talking*

Sonic and Knuckles: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

Amy: Why is your report card on the ceiling?

Sonic: You told me to bring my grades up.

Amy:

Amy: I did say that, let me have a look--

Sonic: Thanks, Mom.

Amy:

Sonic: Why is everyone staring at me?

Knuckles: You just called Amy your mom. You said "Thanks, Mom".

Sonic: What? No I didn’t! I said "Thanks, man".

Amy: Do you see me as a mother figure, Sonic?

Sonic: No. If anything, I see you as a bother figure, ‘cause you’re always bothering me.

Shadow: Hey! Show your mother some respect.

Sonic: a romantic poem for you:

hella cute

hella fine

be my hella valentine

Knuckles: i’m swooning how are you still single

Knuckles: Awww! Congratulations on the baby!

Shadow: *actually smiles for one in his life* Thanks.

Rouge:

Shadow: Darling, aren’t you going to say something?

Rouge: You know, congratulating someone on a new baby is basically congratulating them on having sex.

Rouge: Are you a cuddler?

Shadow: I AM A MACHINE OF DEATH AND DESTRUC--yeah, I’m a cuddler.

#role swap au

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Okay I also have so many Thoughts on Rise so if you want someone to rant to, I’m definitely here lol

My official Thoughts™

Okay so first off I’m pleasantly surprised I didn’t hate it as much as I was expecting? Lol I didn’t wanna watch at all because it seemed too dramatic, like something I would’ve eaten up in high school but I’m too tired to deal with these days. But my mom made me watch it with her and it definitely wasn’t as bad as I expected lol

What…was UP with the camera work????? I was loosing my mind over it omfg. Sometimes normal, sometimes shaky, and we had like three or four dramatic documentary zoom-ins ala Parks and Rec or the Office??? Why was that happening??? They were all in dramatic moments but it was so fucking funny I couldn’t handle it.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, when the coach asked ‘are you a teacher or a director’ and Josh Radnor was like ‘well, both’ and then it zoomed in on the coach as he cut off ‘Actually, no, you’re a teacher’. Like. That was clearly supposed to be dramatic but it was PEAK comedic timing. My mom and I were cackling we almost missed the rest of the scene omfg

That principal is a mess??? Giving one dude the drama department just because he doesn’t like the other teacher, and then???? Approving the show before he READ it???? Allowing a coach to try to bribe a kid’s bad grade away???? What in the Lord 

What….is with the troupe….of the Athlete having to pick sports or theater. Like literally what is that. It happens too often and I’ve never? Seen it happen in real life? Like I know you can’t apply your life experiences to everyone else’s but as someone who also went to a sports crazy high school in small town PA like….the senior sports™ boys went out for the musical every year??? Like every year there’d be at least 7 or 8 football or basketball or literally whatever players that were like ‘You know the fuck what, I’m a senior, I’m doing a musical now’ lmao. It was never dramatic or anything. Being in a play isn’t going to ruin someone’s sports career 

Okay so auditioning for a musical…doesn’t….work….as extra credit??? They wanted his grade raised and he wanted the kid in the show. The actual play the musical is based on has been picked apart and analyzed as a piece of literature so many times….so I could see “If he does my musical and writes a report on the play, I’ll give him extra credit” or something to that effect but just. ‘Audition and all your Problems will go away’. Lord What. 

WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS SIMON KID.

Okay. Okay. The kid…is stereotypical ‘gay high schooler’ and we all damn well know that. Not my complaint. The thing was, bumping him down from Melchior to HANSCHEN made it SEEM like he was only getting cast as Hanschen because he’s The Gay™, because frankly, considering they were struggling to find boys, I would’ve initially put him as Moritz, from the brief scenes it seems like he could handle Moritz’s songs??? Moritz is the third lead and like, the fan favorite character, you’d wanna cast him pretty quick. And THEN they bust out he has a ““““““Very Religious”““““ family, like….really. Really. We’re doing that. Okay. Fine then. I can sit here and pretend I’ve actually met a homophobic Catholic person before if they’re at least gonna handle this well. But THEN. THEN. OKAY. We got that trailer for the full season at the end of the show and the kid playing Ernst said ‘Do you feel something when you’re with me’ and now….I see exactly what they’re doing….They’re having this kid play Hanschen while in real life he’s going to be in an Ernst-like situation….That’s so fucking cheesy and I haven’t yet fully decided how I feel about it??? I’m already tired tho. Anyway if someone hurts that boy I’m gonna go down to NBC with a baseball bat and start swinging. I can get in no problem. Just making that known.

Auli’i Cravalho….,,,we Stan

Her plot line seems a little muddled and Peak Dramatic right now but that scene near the end with her mother???? GIRL. KILL THEM.

Listen idk who the hell is playing the football player (Robbie was it?) but I already love him with my entire heart but like….the scene where he just started rapping at the pep rally….no one Does That lmao. Although I appreciate that he’s a lot less conflicted about joining the show than other athletes caught in this troupe before him? He was a little hesitant but it wasn’t Over The Top (looking at you, Troy Bolton). He seems really cute tho. I was Worried when he started rapping ‘All That’s Known’ but then he slid into actually singing and he was so good!! 

LMAO when they were doing the song montage and all they could do for ‘Totally Fucked’ was “BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH” I was cracking up

I liked that they appear to have established the football player is into the shy girl BEFORE they do the show. Like, it’s still cliché as all hell, but at least it’s not like ‘I never noticed you were pretty or a cool person before the stage lights were on you’ type deal bc that’s exhausting.

My mom was cracking up when Simon was telling his Religious Parents™ about the show at the dinner table aasdfgh like yet another clearly intended to be dramatic scene turned funny by the camera work and editing but also like it was so….like my mom isn’t familiar with Spring Awakening itself but she’s familiar with a lot of other ~~~edgy~~~ shows bc I’ve either been in them or gotten her to see them with me and like. I’ve worked in and on shows with kids who’s parents were SUPER against the shows material and the roles their kids played but no one ever like….stopped their kids from doing it??? And like his parents being against the stuff in the play is like….the Point of the play? And also if he already knows the script he’s already been Exposed to it, so it’s not like keeping him out of the show is gonna keep him pure or whatever?? Idk I really just don’t get why they’re bothering with that plotline tbh

Rosie Perez is always so over the top and I am always so okay with it

On that same branch though like…I know Josh Radnor loves giving impassioned speeches…but who….talks like that? Lol. Just everything he said sounded like they were trying to hard for that Big Dreamer Life Changer Teacher troupe you know???

Listen I GET why that one girl would be mad because she usually gets the leads but also….Ilse….has the better songs???? Like if someone cast me as Ilse I’d fucking cry I literally want to get a tattoo for the ‘I Don’t Do Sadness’ song bc it fucks with me so much lmao. ALSO…..I’m very interested in the whole thing with Auli’i character’s mother sleeping with her father and her thinking Auli’i is a ‘whore just like her mother’ since Wendla is the tragically innocent character in the show who was too sheltered to know anything about sex and Ilse is a victim of incest who dealt with it by acting out sexually….like it’s definitely not the same as what I’m expecting them to do with the reversed Hanschen/Ernst storyline but it’s interesting to see the parallels between them since they’ve clearly had very different upbringings when it comes to mature issues like that

Speaking of tho, Auli’i struggling with ‘Mama Who Bore Me’ until she had a big fight with her mom and can suddenly belt it to hell and back……come on

Let Me Tell You How Much I Cringed When The Teacher Outed Michael To The Entire Cast

Like, dude….you know that only like yourself and one other student knows he’s transitioning and he didn’t even tell you himself….Like yes he auditioned for a male role but he signed with his birth name like…The teacher had that list before rehearsal he literally could’ve just pulled the kid aside and asked him what he wanted to do??? I’m glad they didn’t film any of the other kids, like, caring or being weird about it though. That might be a delayed plot line but they all seemed relatively accepting so that definitely made the whole situation a little more bearable to watch

OF COURSE the lights kid is homeless….because there wasn’t enough drama

Don’t get me wrong like it’s definitely an important issue but that’s my problem with shows like this, they just Pile Everything On to the point where it’s so much like…

And then he took the kid home which we all saw coming but like, did you see the wife’s face??? He has a cell phone, he could have at least called to warn her. Their marriage seems stressed, they’ve got an emo ass son Going Through Some Ambiguous Problem That Has Lead To Drinking, and now they‘re moving a homeless kid in on top of it like. It just feels less like ‘real life’ and more like ‘how much drama can we pile into this for views’ and also it was a lot for literally the first episode? 

Who…has ever actually put on Pirates of Penzance….who has ever actually seen Pirates of Penzance….I’m not convinced it’s a real show lmao I laughed when he said he wanted to replace Spring Awakening with it what a JUMP

BURNING THE COSTUMES WAS SO FUCKING DRAMATIC ASDFGH WHO WOULD EVER?!?!?! I LOVED IT

Also though like why were they singing ‘I Believe’ for that part???? It definitely helped with the Drama And Aesthetic™ but it’s also. the rape song? Idk I think situation wise ‘Totally Fucked’ would’ve just been a better choice. They could have just done what the original broadway cast did on televised performances and changed it to ‘stuck’ lmao. Now, the moment definitely would’ve felt more….Glee-ish, with that song, so I guess they were trying to avoid that since this is a serious™ show but like again I just don’t see how ‘I Believe’ worked thematically

Also like the biggest problem this show had was PACING. Holy shit. This one episode felt like the entire season. Like literally…what else. What else can they do. These kids have apparently already been at it for weeks and are professional singers who have all the songs down for some reason. Like how many rehearsals do they have before the show??? Damn. They definitely could’ve slowed it down and dragged things out, it would‘ve felt a lot cleaner 

All in all tho….For a first episode I’d give it like a solid 7 or 8???? I’m interested enough to check out episode two but I’m also cautiously expecting to fall out of the show either because of the pacing or just them piling on too much drama just for the sake of it. What did you think???

#Rise #nbc #josh radnor #auli'i cravalho #rise nbc #musicals #asks #molly mumbles #I think I'm missing notes #but the show ended over an hour ago lol

[chicandchaud-blog]

N°25  • ‘Tea with Nova’

In today’s post I’m switching things up and introducing you guys to a new segment on my blog, ‘Tea with...” (obvi you could insert your favorite creator there sometime soon, LOL). In today’s post however, it’s Tea with Nova, who is the creator of the renowned hair (wig/frontal/closure) store, ‘Little Bones’. In this interview you will read up on what’s to come from Little Bones, along with some of Nova’s true feelings about the world of Second Life – that’s as far as creating, and more. Thank you so much for taking your time to read, and enjoy. *special thank you to Nova Faerye for trusting my pen, and being my first guest.

alas, the interview;

J: I’m so glad to have you here today considering your super busy schedule, also I’m totally loving the hair! – I must ask how are you today, what’s been up?

N: Thank you, and I'm doing good! A little tired, been working super hard but it's a good kind of fatigue. You?

J: I’ve honestly been fine just keeping up with my studies, and making sure my readers are loving my content – speaking of my readers, since I do often times post looks, I must ask who are you wearing today?

N: I'm wearing the Lexi jumpsuit from the ISON x Rowne collection, shoes from Vale Koer, and some turtleneck I found on Marketplace a while back. Pretty simple, but I love a clean look.

J: I love how your look is curated of different creators that don’t technically fit in the same “theme”, versatility is always key when pulling a look so I want to ask you who are some of your favorite creators, along with the reason why.

N: That's a long list to be honest, so this might be longwinded. I love so many people, clothing wise I love people who push boundaries of what people would normally wear, like Sanya Bilavio of Vive Nine and Fiore, Harry from ISON, Bob from Vale Koer, Fash from Rowne, Vo Pralou from Seul, Tyr Rozenblum from all her various projects, Nylon and Poly from Nylon Outfitters and Yummy,  They're all so incredibly hard-working and sweet people with a unique vision, there's no one like them. Hair wise I love Silent Acoustic from Moon, my best friend and confidante. (to the tune of Golden Girls). Lamb, Lelutka, Magika, Exile... pretty much anyone who's put the time in building their style. They're all super unique and something special.

J: The people you listed are literally so iconic, and statement making, so with that I must ask in the world of Second Life – what do you feel is missing, or otherwise what do you wish would make its grand return in the field of creating?

N: Hmm, I'm not sure. I guess I miss innovation-- people figuring out fun ideas and how things could work for people. Basically becoming inventors on top of designers. That's not to say people aren't doing it at all, but it could be more. Can you imagine how exciting it would be if everyone threw out a game-changer all the time? SL would be even more amazing.

J: The idea of being inventors in the field of creating ontop of designing sounds like a dream come true, you yourself could consider yourself one given the versatility of your groundbreaking style hud. Since in some case scenarios what’s able to be done in Second Life is limited – If you could change one thing about Second Life what would it be?

N: Give me physical bones to work with so I can finally make a whippy ponytail. Bento is almost right, but a full physical skeletal system would just make my heart explode.

J: I’d literally die to be able to whip my ponytails on here, so that seems fun, I’d like to ask what is your biggest pet peeve on Second Life aside from not being able to make that awesome whippy ponytail?

N: That people don't make more clothing for Belleza, those hips though.

J: Haha! That’s actually a pressing issue that I hadn’t realized, I thought it was just a joke that Belleza didn’t have much clothes. – I want to dig deeper into the questions, and ask you how do you feel about people that try to imitate your aesthetic?

N: I don't really think about it that much. I think people get to where they want to be eventually, and for the most part watching and learning is an important way to find your own aesthetic. So, if people use my work as a stepping stone to their best work that's totally fine; also, it's a natural unconscious thing to pick things you like to build on. It's not that serious to me.

J: I like how you don’t mind technically being the ‘blueprint’ for what ones’ style may be. I would however like to ask since you said that learning is an important way to find your own aesthetic, what influenced you to create in the style that you do, and also what gravitated you to wanting to create hairs?

N: I guess a multitude of things. My style has always changed over the years, so it could be anything from pop culture to my personal style. I'm ever-evolving, so it could be anything from runway, to movies, to animated characters. For the creating question, when I first started, it was only because I wanted certain styles and colors people just weren't doing. I wanted to make stuff for myself, and share it with people who might like them too. Plus I felt like I'd be pretty good at it.

J: Aesthetics sometimes do in a way ‘promote’ stores, and attract customers – so tying into that statement, did you ever expect to be where you are now in the field of creating?

N: Actually yeah, I knew I was pretty good. Definitely not great, looking back. I put on some of my older styles and cringe like crazy.. But when you look at any creator, quality only goes up. I knew I could do that eventually.

J: LOL! Looking at past projects as a creator could always make one cringe a bit. The next question I have for you would be, if you could teach your old self a  thing or two, what would it be?

N: All the tricks I learned to make wigs faster, although I'd probably have a catalog full of shit, so maybe it's for the best that it went the way it did. Another piece of advice would probably to calm down. It's not that serious. Have fun, do what you want.

J: That’s a great answer, some people want to have the best formula, or recipe early in the field of creating, but don’t take into consideration what could have been the result of that. Another question I’d like to ask is what advice if any could you give those wanting to learn to, or just starting to create.

N: Pretty much the same answer. Actually, a big one I'd wanna put out there would be that there really is no such thing as competition here. People get caught up in the race to be the best, when that doesn't matter. Just worry about YOUR best. People will love your craft, and it won't matter what the next person is doing. Another thing, do what you want, don't listen to people who want to influence you. If you don't like what you're doing, it won't turn out very good. Put some love in it, and you'll do great.        

J: Great advice! So, obviously you’ve put a lot of love into your brand – so I want to ask this question that has been bothering me since we’ve sat here. I’ve always wanted to know, where did the name, “Little Bones” come from?

N: It came from the fact I wanted something edgy and cute. I also hate the name and wish I could change it. Haha. It reflects who I was at 19, not me now at 25. We'll see down the road if I branch into a name I like better.

J: Haha! Well, Little Bones does sound edgy and cute so I can’t knock that, but  since you did mention that you’d branch into a new name possibly – I want to ask what could we expect from Little Bones in the near future?

N: A lot more ideas I want to implement, a cute building I'm working on, as well as collaborations and image changes. It's important for me to grow and learn, or I'll just get bored. But in the end, expect more frequent releases. There's a slew of beautiful things just waiting to get out on the grid!

J: Well, Nova! That’s all the questions I have for you, thank you sooo much for stopping by and giving me your time to ask you these questions. Do you have any more words?

N: No, thank you so much for having me, and I cant wait to show the grid what I’ve been working on!

Please be sure to keep up with Nova Faerye of Little Bones on her social media, and shop at the links below!

FLICKR / MARKETPLACE / INWORLD STORE

#HQ

#littlebones #novafaerye #secondlife #secondlife blog #secondlife lookbook #second life #secondlife outfit #sl blogger #sl lookbook #sl outfit #sl blog #teawith #teawithnova

[cosmosogler]

hi guys. i don’t really know how to write about how i’m feeling right now. like, i have a lot of words and not enough energy to type all the words i think. i’ll try.

woke up basically on time, although i think i woke up during the night at some point. the clean bedsheets helped i think. i was gonna get rolling around 9:30 but i felt sick after breakfast and kinda just wanted to listen to music so i didn’t leave my apartment until 11:30. i sat and worked semi-diligently until 1 when i had lunch with harrison. i hadn’t really felt good about preparing my own lunch so we got subway, which is always a downgrade from literally anything i could bring myself. it made me sick. i talked to harrison about my various therapy experiences. i’ve had good ones and bad ones... i talked about why i still recommend it despite all the complications and the fact that it’s REALLY difficult to get quality treatment when you have serious problems that require treatment, but much easier to get treatment when you’re feeling on the better side. not feeling “good,” but... it’s different. you gotta be proactive to get the best experience / switch out therapists when you are not getting along and most people seeking therapy do not have the energy to be that proactive.

when we got back keegan wanted to play smash. i was kinda having fun but i was also making really risky moves that i hadn’t practiced and i lost basically every fight. i won one of them, but i came in third (or fourth, when taylor was playing) the rest of the time. it got frustrating... harrison just does the same thing over and over and i can’t figure out how to work around it on the competitive stages. i can do it just fine on any other stage, but those flat ones where nothing is moving just give him a huge advantage because i can’t approach safely without getting clotheslined by keegan.

i studied for another ~hour and then i took a quick break and then i biked up the hill to go check out creative writing club.

it was basically nothing that i wanted it to be. i was the first one there. eventually the club secretary showed up. she talked at me about her family and how successful they all are. i asked about what she’s writing and she talked to me about her trilogy idea and how she and her co-author have planned a sequel trilogy to go with it and they are halfway done with the first book of the six. she told me that the club basically just has a group project they always work on as a huge collaboration, and for the summer the theme / universe was summer camp.

she didn’t ask about my writing.

when the two boys (president and vice) showed up the president asked what the last book i read was. then he asked what i was hoping to get out of club. when i said i was kind of thinking it would be a place where we each brought in our own work and swapped it around to give feedback he stared at me until i brought up the collaboration. we jumped right in with that. without letting me read half the character list he started asking me for character ideas. 

i was kind of at a loss. i was still trying to change gears from “oh they are not going to read or even ask about my work or care” to “GUESS I’M JUMPING ON BOARD A PROJECT I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT.” 

one thing i picked up on while he scrolled rapidly through the document is that every character is a hilarious sociopath. most of the character quirks were edgy or “lol xd so ran dom” sort of humor. i tried to get the core of a character going, that i liked, but within five minutes i realized that i was going to have to pick a joke and hammer it repeatedly if they were going to write down any of my ideas. (they didn’t write down a bunch of things i suggested.)

the secretary had told me that the president was super gay and it would be obvious as soon as he walked in. but when i suggested the character i made was gay they seemed to act like i was breaking some kind of rule, or being somehow more risque than them. 

the vice president seemed to think i was freaking hilarious and got a huge kick out of several of my jokes (that the other two didn’t write down). i was getting along with him ok but i was also having the most trouble following his character ideas (he hit a lot of the same notes over and over and over). 

i asked if we were ever going to do anything besides make characters and the president said we’d be making a story outline once we had enough to work with. i kind of stared at the document (it was on the projector so i didn’t have free reign to see whatever i wanted). we had 17 characters and they are all fairly one-note. that’s too many characters for any kind of story besides like an ensemble with disconnected chapters. also almost every one of those characters is a self-centered asshole. i don’t know what we are going to do with this story but i don’t anticipate it being very fun for me.

i know... what they’re doing. this club isn’t a class. they’re not meeting every week to hone their craft. they’re just having fun and screwing around. and... there’s nothing necessarily wrong with that. i worry what it says about me that i’m so disappointed though. 

i feel like... i had invested a lot of hope into this idea that there would be a place i could go to talk about fiction, and other people’s fiction, and my fiction, and maybe meet some other dedicated people and write some critiques. get my literary analysis hat back on. haven’t been able to do that in so long. does that make me a tryhard? does it make me pretentious? have i become an “i don’t know how to have fun” sort of person, that i don’t fit into this club? i can’t see myself making it work. 

i wanted to have fun in a way that i know how and makes me feel good. i know it’s not necessarily healthy to only have fun when i also feel like i’m being productive in some way. but that’s what i wanted out of this. i wanted it to be easy to have fun and feel like i was spending my time in a way that improves myself or my abilities. that’s how i have fun, i think... most other ways of having fun leave me feeling empty afterward. like today.

i had fun for a little while. why am i so sad anyway?

i’m running out of resources. there’s only one “creative writing club” on campus. i can’t go to the OTHER creative writing club where they do the things i wanted to do. this is what i have, and it’s not really what i expected or helpful to me. 

if there’s a club for this out in the town community? what am i gonna do, go show a bunch of older people my fan fiction comic? my convoluted other comic script that badly needs major revisions? my zombie story? my dragon story that also needs huge revisions? what am i even doing?

what the hell am i doing. why did i let so much ride on this commitment. i’m planning on going next week, one more time... just to see if things can be different, i guess. 

but between this and the new counselor i’m kind of frustrated and confused about what to do next. i’ve had the rug pulled out from under me so many times in the last few months... the last year... the last two and a half decades. so many dead ends and NO SOLUTIONS! NOTHING IS MAKING ME HAPPY. NOTHING IS SATISFYING ME. 

i don’t expect the psychology clinic to be able to help me either. i filled out the paperwork anyway, but... i don’t see what the point of consciously hoping is. i’m gonna hope anyway, because i can’t seem to not hope, and it hurts, but it’s what i do and i can’t seem to change it. 

i’m really upset. i don’t know who else to go to. i don’t know what else to try. i don’t know where the community i’m looking for is hiding. i don’t know the magic study strategy that will let me pass my exams. i feel so stuck and alone. i feel like this is my fault because nothing is good enough for me i guess. why can’t i just be happy with what i have. i always need more and i’m never gonna get it.

#good news i succeeded in typing many words

[pcrownnewsletterexample]

Hey! Below is my Patreon newsletter for October - I’m sharing this one publicly as an example of what I’ve been writing up and posting every month since July. I cover all the game dev & 3D modelling work I’ve done that month and post progress gifs and lil explanations of my progress and such! There’s usually a bunch in em that I don’t post anywhere else too. October’s newsletter is also a good introduction to my current game project, Housepet! If you’d like to support me and read newsletters like this every month, please consider becoming a Patreon here :O At the time of posting this I’m pretty close to my first goal...! Thanks for reading!!

BOO!!! It’s here again, the spookiest time of the year... [THUNDER SFX] When Ghouls and and Devils roam the streets... [WOLF HOWL SFX] That’s right, it’s [AUSTIN POWERS VOICE] Halloween Baby!! Although by the time you’re reading this it’ll be… [GHOST MOAN SFX] NOVEEEMMMBER 2017! Truly, the march of time is the ultimate fright. Speaking of, let me start talking about the work I did this month past.

A reminder of what my current game project is: it’s called Housepet! It’s a game where you decorate the inside of a pet house to attract characters that can become tenants who pay you rent which can be used to buy more furniture. The furniture you place alter your Housepet’s stats and your tenant’s comfort contributes to your Housepet’s mood. You also fight enemy houses in simple RPG style battles, and every tenant you have can be equipped as their own unique attacks to be used in fights. Obviously.

The first thing I did this month was start designing some enemy houses for World 1! Last time I talked about the battle system it was time based, but I’ve since remade it to be turn based and more similar to a pokemon battle system, which I think is generally easier to explain and get into. Here’re some sketches:

Enemy houses have an evil form when you fight them and a good form when you beat them. You cured them by fighting them I guess?? I’m not worrying too much about making stuff make sense at this point, I’m just doing what I think feels funny or game-y. A more cohesive “plot” can be figured out later if I want there to be one.

For the first overworld area I want these guys to be the enemies, going in order of No. 1, Birdnest, Neighbours, Sweetooth, B&B and then the boss, St. Catherine. The theme of the overworld here is like, typical grass intro level and small village/town, so the enemy houses are kinda standard houses/buildings, but it’d definitely be fun to start losing that in later levels.

Battles in Housepet would be pretty special events as opposed to a game where you’re expected to grind by fighting enemies. You have to fight them one at a time to progress through a board, and the stat increases between them will usually mean you’ll need to decorate your house some more or get more tenants before you can win the next fight. Battling here isn’t a focus of the game, but more of a way of marking progression. Beaten houses will drop Catalog Scraps which can be used to unlock new types of furniture as well as rewarding players with a chunk of cash, and there’ll be a simple EXP system that rewards you with new rooms in your Housepet on level up. There’ll also be bonus spaces on the board with rewards and minigames and such. That’s the plan!

Like I mentioned previously, the battle system has been reworked to be more similar to something like Pokemon, but I’ve simplified it. The only stats the Housepet has are HP, POW, DEF and SPD. HP is just health, or House Points (lol...). POW is your attack power, DEF is your defence against being attacked and SPD determines if you should go first in a battle. You might notice there’s no special attack or special defence, since in Housepet attacks won’t have elements tied to them.

In this early gif (the UI is very temporary) you can see you can exit to the overworld from inside the house, pick the enemy to fight, compare stats, choose and make attacks, damage/crit the enemy and have the enemy take turns too. I’ve also implemented winning and losing, progressing to the next enemy after a win, attacks that can damage others/damage self/heal others/heal self and such, as well as a STUN and SLP status. STUN is essentially being paralyzed, meaning there’s a chance you won’t be able to make a move that turn, and SLP means you’ll sleep for a few turns before waking up. I have other statues I want to implement planned too.

I also played about with making a system for controlling the camera during fights, which I think’ll add a cool dramatic element to certain attack animations!

Below is a text example of just how exciting fights can be with the SLP status…!

Obviously here I was just testing - enemies actually have a hidden “urgency” variable that helps determine the chances of what attack they’ll use (above though it was ignored and they were forced to use Birdsong every turn). If their urgency is high, if they have low HP for example, they’ll be more likely to use more advantageous attacks, such as something damaging or something that would heal them. With a low urgency though, say if they had high HP, they might be more lax and more likely to take a turn to try do a non damaging move that might cause a status on the player. Urgency can also be lowered if the player has a status, and if they have one that can be caused by one of the enemies attacks, the chance for them trying to use that attack while you already have the status dips very low. Each enemy has their own unique rules for urgency and their attacks, which means they all act differently! I think that’s cool.

Woah who’s this!! I want Housepet to have lots of different characters you can unlock as tenants, since the character collection to me is a pretty important and fun aspect of the game. This guy’s the Edgy Rival type, look at his cool spikes and brooding, golden eyes...

I’ve come up with a good few tenants so far and plan to make many more. Here’s a look into the Creative Process of coming up with character types:

Right now I have it in my head that you convert Guests (visiting characters attracted to your house) into Tenants (permanent characters in your inventory you can place in your house and use as attacks in battles) by finding them visiting one of your rooms and interacting with them in a short VN/dating game style dialog back-and-forth where they ask questions about the home and, depending on how appealing to them you make it sound with your answers, you’ll “weaken” them. The more weakened they are, the more likely you’ll be able to “catch” them Pokemon GO style by throwing a crumpled up paper lease ball at them. But I also want there to be other ways that are perhaps more secret or multi-staged. For example, there’ll be characters that knock on your front door from time to time, and one of them could start a path like this:

...Listen, it’s fine. This is what people want from games I think.

I spent a good half of the month just on designing a more permanent UI that connects everything together, since that was a big goal of mine for this month. Man, UI is hard…! It’s something that takes a lot of energy for me to do personally at least. I’ve come up with a solid enough solution for now, for inside the house at least, that’ll work something like this:

I’ve started implementing this and so far you can pick items by main category and subcategory, place move rotate and remove furniture and tenants, have tenants activate and move around when not in move or remove mode. I’ve also started to re-implement buying and selling furniture from the catalog.

The last thing worked on this month was starting to add a way to change the floors and walls of a room. I’m thinking I want low res tiling photograph textures for the floors to give it that Petz/early 2000s game feel that has such a charm to it and works well in highlighting the solid colour furniture and characters.

Oh! And! I modeled a victoria sponge cake I ate in Edinburgh castle as an item I want people to be able to place on surfaces. I want a whole sub category of food “furniture” because, it’ll be a good excuse to model a lot of pretty food.

Unrelated to Housepet, here’re the sticker designs I’ll be sending out to this month’s sticker tier backers! I haven’t done pixel stuff for a long time now and I miss it, so it was fun to do these pixel flowers… Very relaxing. I’ll also add in stickers of these pixel roses I did a while ago now (the ones featured on my business cards!) since I think they’ll go nice together…!

[THUNDER SFX, AGAIN] Hah ha ha… Did you enjoy it? My spooky tale of times since past? Thanks for supporting me this month everyone!! I think I made some good progress - it’s definitely fun to compare stuff from the first newsletter I introduced Housepet to how it is here. But for now… [DOOR SQUEAK SFX AS I CREEP OUT] Farewell… And sweet dreams… [NO FURTHER SFX AS I STAND OUTSIDE THE DOOR I LEFT AND WAIT FOR YOU TO LEAVE SO I CAN COME BACK IN AND WORK SOME MORE]

[eternaleve]

Watching Through Construction Time Again

I am back with the rewatch project that no one asked for and which only seems to amuse me! I am here to make terrible jokes and regurgitate history laced with reminisces from eighteen years (?!???) being on the sidelines of the DIY punk music scene.

Broken Frame vids are here

Speak & Spell vids are here

And here i go!

Well, the first one is not technically on Construction Time Again!

Get The Balance Right! (Jan 1983, 13 on the UK charts)

Get the Balance Right! was the first single with Alan Wilder as an official band member and was released in the break between A Broken Frame and Construction Time Again. I guess it’s a good way to really be clear to the public that there’s a clear break between the last iteration of the band and the new band member. And a single doesn’t necessarily have to be linked to an album - The Cure were literally doing the same thing at the exact same time with the singles ‘The Walk’, ‘Let’s Go To Bed’ and ‘The Love Cats’, which were all non-album singles and were released to show a break from Pornography and Faith to the more psychadelic stuff that came with The Top. 

I like the single art. I like how simple the iconography is, the primary colours, the way the artist actually probably listened to the song before creating it.

First things first, this bit of trivia. ‘In the music video, Wilder lip-syncs the first lines of the song, even though Dave Gahan is the lead singer. The director Kevin Hewitt made the assumption that Wilder was the singer and they were too embarrassed to point out his mistake.’ It’s also apparently the band’s least favourite single, according to the hot gossip from… 1985. 

Good evening, child. There is no need to panic, we are mere observers.

There are a lot of early 80s videos that are set in labs. Is it because the backgrounds are cheap? Labcoats readily available? Some sort of wider cultural idea about the perils of science and how it might go too far? Answers on the back of a postcard please.

At midnight, you will be visited by four spirits - the Past, the Present, Yet To Come, and Party City.

So, Dave Gahan is a magician, making a portal to a fairground, but why is Martin Gore dressed like the long lost spirit of a poor starving Victorian orphan boy?

The union mandated ‘Space Invaders’ break was tightly controlled and monitored.

Corporate greed is bad, cool, okay, that’s a fine theme, but I’m not sure how that ties into a theme park run by milkmen. Because they’re upsetting the balance of fun by being corporate and greedy I suppose? I guess it’d be too edgy to show bankers and stuff being cruel.

And now, the chairwoman of the board, this random fortune teller we found on Blackpool pier.

I mean, having an excuse to play on bumper cars is all well and good, but it is a little strange in a music video.

The funfair is all being controlled from a head office - like consumers are all being controlled in a capitalist society! It all makes sense now!

And then the video just… ends. On a control room. What did the child have to do anything? Why was Dave a magician? Or was it all just more ‘avant garde’ 80s bollocks?

The album was released in August 1983 - again, that’s a very tight time to turnaround an entire new album’s worth of material, especially when accounting for stuff like touring, rehearsals, and trying to do other things outside of the music industry like, i dunno, having a life. Construction Time Again definitely marked a real change in the tonal direction of the band - so, leaving behind the more poppy fare of the first two albums to being about poverty, nuclear war, and the destruction of the green belt.

Yup, that’s a huge swing there and i! am! here! for! it!

The album art is phenomenal, too. I’ve always really loved the soviet overtones of Depeche Mode’s official artwork and this is pretty fantastic. The colours are great, and the contrast between the makings of nature and the makings of man really ties into the themes of the album. Especially when the first single is…

Everything Counts (July 83, UK charts 6)

Such a fucking tune. What a classic tune, what a fantastic pivot to a new sound. Also it’s about capitalism being terrible, so of course I love it. Everything Counts features a lot of found sounds and lots of different musical instruments this is all a lead in for me talking about the melodica. I love melodicas. The head of london plays one and i think they are such inherently silly instruments that i love them and want them on every single song ever for the rest of time

There are not enough words in this world for how much i love melodicas

The video for Everything Counts was shot in West Berlin by Clive Richardson, who last worked with the band for ‘Just Can’t Get Enough’ after they were burnt out with the weird shitshow that was the Julien Temple videos. According to Alan Wilder, ‘It was felt that after the Julien Temple years, we needed to harden up not only our sound but also our image. Clive had lots of new ideas which didn't involve stupid storyboards where we were required to act.’

BOOOOO BAD MUSICIAN ACTING IS THE BEST PART OF MUSIC VIDEOS STEP UP YOU COWARDS

‘In this video, frontman Dave Gahan for the first time appeared blonde-haired, losing his natural black colour of hair’. Who is editing the Depeche Mode singles on Wikipedia to track Dave Gahan’s changing hair styles?? I understand that everyone needs a hobby but this is certainly a strange one

Ahhh, I see someone discovered how to overlay video images on top of each other! Well done, it will now be used to absolute death in this video

I appreciate not wanting to do bad music video acting and actually letting Dave perform - because when there’s a charismatic front man, yeah, just let him do his thing, especially as his stage presence has only been improving - but it has been replaced with just overlaid images of the band on top of images of berlin which looks less awkward but is just more boring? It’s all so serious and image focused. Let the fun out! On this song about corporate greed where it would absolutely not match this is why i do not direct music videos

The shot is nicely composed but it comes in for a super close close up and also there are knife throwers in the background for …. Reasons?

Images of the Berlin Wall are deeply fascinating to me because it was torn down only a few years before I was born and, yet, because it comes from the nebulous before time, it feels as if it were taken down decades before simply because it happened *right* before I came into existence. I also have a small chunk of it stuck to my fridge. Not sure how genuine it is, given that tourist shops in Berlin could sell any remnants of wall, but, well, that’s my connection to it. Plus i taught cold war history for a while lol

10/10 WOULD MELODICA AGAIN

Everyone can tell who’s a brit on holiday

I like that they went out and found an actual giant grabbing hand. I like a good visual metaphor. 

Cracking tune, alright video. Needed more bad acting. Next!

Love, in Itself (September 83, UK chart 21)

I like the art, it works as a companion piece to the album artwork - and the album was released not long after, so good to keep it present in people’s minds.

I think this video takes place mostly in plaster caves.

The video opens with a very loud electronic noise and a big handprint so I am coming into this annoyed at whoever did the soundmixing for this

That… is certainly a choice, and that’s the last I’ll speak of it.

True facts, this is what happens every time I walk into a room. Greeted by helpful trumpeters so everyone may notice and worship my presence.

You can tell it’s serious, they’re showing the means of construction.

I like how Alan and Andy are dressed entirely normally and then there’s Martin on the end in a slave harness and bullet belt as if there is nothing at all strange about this scenario.

I used to borrow my stepdad’s bullet belts from time to time to wear to gigs and they are supremely not worth the effort. They’re heavy and scratchy and they catch on every single slight hair on your body, so every time you, say, move your arms near them, it’s a constant pain of armhair being yanked out by tiny catches. I do not recommend, they look cooler than they are actually worth.

When will my reflection show who I am insiiiiideeeee

Why is this in a cave? What does that have to do with ‘love’ or constructing things? It seems like a strange choice

Do you like… jazz?

The video could have been set in a construction yard, or something, so you could have the images of industrialised workings and stuff. The cave setting does not match. There are no witches or monsters or other cave dwelling beings featured, nil points.

These videos were something, I can say that. They do show a conscious image change from being Smash Hits pop idol fodder towards being serious industrial electronic musicians and a definite improvement in lyrics and music in terms (for me at least). But the videos are not getting better. The ‘serious image’ stuff sort of takes a lot of the weirder, funner elements out, although I am glad for the lack of puppets and pie heads.

Same time, same place next week for Some Great Reward which is one of my favourite Depeche Mode albums and, again, more development in sound and image.

#depeche mode #construction time again #my rewatch series #laughing at music vids

[killr-cupcake]

Tagged

Tagged by: @inferablossom

Rules: Answer 30 questions tag 20 blogs (I don’t have that many mutuals,,, why)

Nicknames: Cupcake, Ric, Killer (for some reason? I prefer to be called cupcake by peeps on tumblr dot com and Ric by friends? Whenever I’m playing TF2 strangers call me killer and it’s frustrating like,,, no,,, call me cupcake soldier plz lmao)

Gender: Cis Male (Tho I effing h8 gender expectations and binaries like the plague I still identify as my assigned gender idk)

Sign: Scorpio? (Half of astrologists tell me I’m Scorpio and the other half tell me I’m Sagittarius so I don’t stick to astrology only because of that)

Height: 5’6

Time: 08:40 PM (I finished at 09:40 PM OOF I take my sweet time with these things)

Birthday: November 22nd

Fave bands: uhhhh F-Fallout Boy...? ,,, Florence and the machine? I don’t really listen to that many bands

Fave solo artists: Lady Gaga, Marina and the diamonds, LOLO, Ariana Grande, Lana del rey, CupcakKe

Song stuck in my head: Your Reality from DokiDoki Literature Club (Poor Monika broke my heart she’s like all a villain, a side character, a romantic interest and a protagonist all in one character I’m,,,)

Last movie I saw: Lady Gaga 5 foot 2 (She’s a literal angel)

Last show I watched: Ru Paul’s drag race (I just started it and it’s p good) and Brooklyn 99 (I like to think it’s from an AU where cops aren’t pigs so people can shut up about how it’s cop propaganda, we get, irl cops are bad, let me watch my show it’s not gonna make me trust them automatically)

When did I create my blog: 2016 the cursed year, I think

What do I post: memes, humor or happy stuff, danganronpa, rainbow six siege, team fortress 2, overwatch, doki doki literature club, general gay and POC culture, sometimes witchy stuff or moodboards and important posts (reblog to save a life or mindblowing social justice kind of stuff), sometimes I fall for the ‘rb for money’ kinds of notebaits lol

Last thing I googled: r6s dokkaebi

Do I have any other blogs?: yES!!! I have an art blog @cupcake-sketchbook and a couple of rp/ask blogs for my tf2 OCs @g3n3tic4l-pyromania @ask-pastelbattlemedic and @ask-pastelspy (I’ve been trying to limit myself from making new OCs but I just,,, love my babies so much???)

Do I get asks?: Not really, I’d like to because I could do a lil’ drawing or add a sassy GIF to answer but I’m fine I guess 

Why did I choose my url: I’m both into very girly (nail art, baking, beauty yada yada) and stereotypical male-ish stuff (guns, knives, edgy garbage, yada yada) and I liked this duality about me so I had this going on about me and one day I just gravitate towards a cupcake shop that had a heavy metal vibe and I just KNEW I belonged there (It closed, RIP :c) so I come up with this knife/cupcake thing and liked it (It also was a little bit of a joke about bad creepypasta OCs that just took Jeff the killer and anime-fied him and I went, hahaha look cupcake the killer and I liked how it sounded lol) and went wow, Killer cupcake  (I also write killer like KillR because my name starts with an R so there’s that) 

Following: 291 (I follow a lot of shit,,,)

Followers: 199 (wait what? wtf how? I love y’all? I may do a quick art piece thanking y’all???)

Average hours of sleep: 6 tho I’d like 8 or more lmao I’m so lazy

Lucky number: idk 13

Instruments: I learned how to play the flute but I forgot already, tho I have very good rhythm so I can pass as an amateur with guitars and pianos (Marceline from Adventure Time, who plays the bass pretty good but doesn’t even know how to read music  and Marina Diamandis who taught herself how to play piano irl are my eternal aesthetic tbh)

What am I wearing: my PJs that consist of old sweatpants (I only wear sweatpants as pjs I’m all for skinny jeans) and an old sweatshirt (again, I only wear them for pjs cuz I’m all for hoodies)

Dream job: Illustrator for a magazine or english teacher, I’d like to be a freelance artist in my free time either way

Dream trip: I’d like to go to Spain to see my online best friend @robeca-black or I’d like to go to Canada (It’s cold and very modern and my fav blogger and vlogger live there)

Fave food: Anything Italian that includes pasta, cheese, tomato sauce or preferentially all three

Nationality: Mexican

Fave song: I have a LOT of personal anthems like Happy by Marina and the Diamonds or Marry the night/Born this way by Lady Gaga but I think aside from #relatableness I really like G.U.Y. by Lady Gaga

Last book I read: Frankenstein by Mary Shelley (VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN IS A COWARD WHO DIDN’T LOVE HIS UGLY AS FUCK GOTH SON AND I HATE HIM)

Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join: Overwatch, Undertale, Danganronpa (I’d probably die in all of them LMFAO)

Tagging: UHHHHH @its-the-lovely-darkness @jasminetea-and-narcolepsy @imthinkingaboutme (sorry gurl you don’t rlly hafta do it I just wanted to tag ppl so I don’t feel like a failure lol) @annsparksthegmr @devils-toxic-love @ya-dood (did you just heccing change your URL AGAIN) UHHHHH ??? I??? ran out of mutuals??? who tf has 20 mutuals??? I uhhhh,,,??? bye???

#tag meem

[stephantom]

here comes some drunken, uncapitalized and badly written, introspection and whining

the thing i dislike about teaching is that bad days aren't just 'unproductive' days. bad teaching days are days where you feel like you're failing a bunch of kids. of people, in a vulnerable/impressionable/crucial time of their lives. and maybe you also feel like they're failing themselves a little too. but you feel kind of guilty about that, because it’s part of your job to believe in them no matter what, and to push and support them. and then you feel torn between coming down hard, thinking "it's more important that they learn this than that they like me"--and the suspicion that they’re on to something "IS the assignment actually that important? important enough to force it on them against their will? more important than the friendships they’re forming here or the hobbies they’re pursuing? maybe they've got it figured out fine. they saw through this lesson plan, saw the bullshit, and they're gonna move ahead in the world just fine by doing what they like and making connections with people."

i don't know, but it's. just so much shittier than just being shitty on your own.

and then there's my one TA who i like a lot but who also really stresses me out a lot of the time because she talks SO much and shares SO much, to me, to the kids, the warner brothers people, the parents, ANYBODY who is in her presence. and maybe i resent it? maybe it makes me feel anxious, and maybe there's some secondhand embarrassment when she overshares about all her weird experiences like they’re unique and amazing, and swears excessively to the kids to be “edgy” and “relatable” (she’s 22 lol she’s just a kid herself and i’m an asshole for judging her, honestly--and isn’t that what i’m doing right now anyway? i just can only bare to do it in written form (/when drunk)). but fuck, she can get it, you know? she's networking, she's getting interviews. and i just cannot. fucking. do that. watching someone else do it makes me want to sink into the ground. the thought of doing it myself is. impossible?

i don't know how i can have a future, if that's what it requires. i think that's how you make dreams happen though lol. like, i think that's how you get a job you actually like, with people you feel comfortable with. maybe. or maybe that's impossible too.

maybe i'm just fundamentally a pessimist in a way that makes "the good life" a non-reality.

not that i'm really convinced her approach to life leads to that either. it seems like it might lead to happiness but also Drama. and i do not need that. and the people who pursue happiness and success with that same kind of aggressiveness while studiously curtailing drama are repulsive in a different way. the people who value discipline for discipline's sake, ambition for ambitions’s sake. shallow, self-serving pursuits.

the role models i found for myself as a teenager--what i aspired to be--were early/mid-20th century writers and philosophers, who themselves were already a bit antiquated in their aspirations and role models. cambridge/oxford types. i was a philosophy major in college, you know (not computer science--what i’m trying to do now). fucking... wrong generation i guess?

philosophy. lol i learned to think too much and then i learned to unlearned it, mostly. eventually. and i'm pretty happy right now, i think. maybe happier (in the steady happiness sense) than i’ve been since i was a little kid? i feel like i'm... actually pretty good at navigating and regulating my own moods and at self-acceptance. and those were hard-learned skills. but i'm less sure about self-evaluation. i still just don't really know what to do with myself and i don't at all feel justified in selling myself/my skills/my competencies. i don't think i have anything that another human being should pay me for.

so how can i exist?

when it comes down to it, i think maybe that's the feeling that's stopping me from pursuing things. from networking or asking for jobs. and what stops me from being an actually good teacher, too. because a teacher has to have something worth teaching. some knowledge and wisdom, etc. i'm just, you know, existing. i've got a few skills under my belt, but they're not anything anyone else couldn't just teach themselves if they wanted, and i haven't mastered them to the point of being an expert or. or anything.

faith in yourself. how do you get that? some people seem to just already have it?? where do they get it? i feel like they actually just never feel like they need to justify it, like their starting point is “qualified until proven otherwise” and that is NOT a point i feel like i can achieve, ever. i don’t know how to rescind that skeptic’s approach to life, especially concerning myself.

i just. fucking. i want a really simple task assigned to me that i know i can complete and that i know does a service. i want to be a garbage pickup person. you know? a sandwich maker. anything. things that need to be done! things that people want done! that i can do! but everyone in my life keeps telling me not to do those kinds of things. i like learning but i have NEVER felt like learning has opened doors or lit up paths for me.

i did have a really straight-forward clerical office job for a couple of years. and that was pretty good. except that there was still weird office drama for reasons i could never discern and i did still kind of have this feeling that i should do something "more".

but i wonder if that "more" should be on the side. hobby time. personal "real" life time.

people in the office resent you for not thinking of your clerical work as your real life though. i guess that was the main problem.

but idk. there must be a place where that's the way it goes.

but would everyone else in my life be ok with it? especially after all the time and money i've spent on various degrees and classes?

teaching might be ok except that there's that doubt of WHYYYY am i making them do this if III didn't do anything with it?

and there are still big, professional, rich "successful" person jobs that i, on occassion, daydream a little about (being in the film production assembly line, writing software for animators, doing VFX, being part of a cool development/support team for some new software that benefits the world) but when faced with that circumstance, "right place at the right time! go talk to that person and get them to want to hire you sometime!" i just... fucking shrink away. i say “i’m actually really not qualified” or i assume it’s impolite to say anything at all. it seems completely and totally foreign to me that some people's instinct is to actually approach that moment, to go talk to that person. to talk to any person. 

honestly, people are scary. lol i think i'm really bad at... life

how do you be.... good at life? and do good things for people? when you just want to get by but also be good but you feel like you actually only have enough energy to... sort of just quietly exist?

probably most or many people do actually feel this but they just push past it without making this big THING of it and i’m just being ridiculous and making a big deal out of a feeling that’s normal and manageable. and i feel like i’ve been told that all my life, really, in different ways. and i know it’s probably true. but i also think that i have always looked around at people (people in general, people just doing life things) from time to time and thought: ...how??? lol

reading this post over again, i feel like i should find some kind of conclusion to end it on that’s not “how??? lol” but i don’t know what to say. i think that’s a genuine admission, that that’s a thing i feel pretty conclusively about myself and my relation to the world pretty frequently. 

and i find myself pulling up bias-confirmation data from my life. any time someone you cared about criticized you in a way that felt really heartfelt and accurate (my mom, my sibling--especially that one sister of mine that one time), or when your cousin told you that her mom/family has always thought of you as “just... spacey” and “a lost soul”, or finding out around age 12 that your dad once had a sister, and then finding out at age 26-ish that she probably killed herself (but you still can’t actually get a straight answer from anyone??? does anyone fucking actually know the physical cause of death even?) and your mom described her as a “lost soul” to you and she was very certainly an alcoholic (like your grandfather, like your father)), AND then finding out that your dad’s uncle tried to kill his mother and spent some time hijacking cars before eventually ending up on a prison bus where he died after trying to shoot his way out (wow, thanks, ancestry.com!! i was told he died in an “accident”!)... i don’t believe in genetic determinism, really, but... i don’t know. i do sort of feel like that stuff is kind of in me, in a way? (and a lot of the time i’m afraid to tell people about that uncle story, even though it’s sort of an awesomely-crazy story, because i’m worried people will believe that it makes me 1/4 murderer or something, genetically.) but, at the same time, i guess by such extreme standards, i guess i should conclude that i’m doing just great!

that was a weird paragraph to add.

fwoo. lol so i’m going to just go to bed and listen to podcasts now i guess.

#personal #it's a long post so. feel free to ignore it #i'm drunk lol idk #i wish that weren't always the case with posts like this kind of #lol guys #ALL I AM IS EMPATHY AND SKEPTICISM #and escapism obviously #that's what this 'blog' mostly is

[blaerbear]

So there was this Mass Effect Andromeda 30 day countdown thing going around that I never bothered to start because I was lazy but now that the hype is hitting me full force, I’ve decided to be self indulgent and catch up with it for the final days. I’ll put it under the cut bc it’s long lol

30 Days: Will you play SisRyder or BroRyder first? Why? How does your Ryder define their gender?

Definitely SisRyder because I always play as a girl if the option is given to me. She identifies as a cis female. 

29 Days: What is your Ryder’s name? Why did you pick this name - is there a meaning or origin story behind it? Do they go by any nicknames? What would you name their sibling, father and mother if you were able to choose?

Tobin Ryder! She is named after my favorite soccer player. If I could name her brother, his name would be Christian. Her father’s name stays Alec, and her mother was Elizabeth. Tobin doesn’t go by any nicknames. 

28 Days: Are you going to use the default appearance or create a custom Ryder? If custom, describe your Ryder’s physical appearance (hair color, eye color, skin color, height, weight, facial features, any scars or tattoos, racial origin, etc). If you have art and/or a face-claim, feel free to add them here.

I’m gonna create a custom character, but she will look relatively similar. The ponytail style works for Tobin because she used to play sports and got used to tying it up. She has brown eyes and light freckles on her face. Honestly her face claim is prolly just gonna be Tobin Heath, who she is named after, with some slight differences ofc.

27 Days: Are you going to use the default appearance for Ryder’s sibling or customize them? Describe your ideas for their sibling’s and father’s physical appearance.

I will prolly keep her brother as the default since I think he looks fine. But if Tobin ends up looking a lot different than I pictured, I might tinker with his look a bit. 

26 Days: Do you have a specific class profile or mix of class profiles in mind for Ryder?

Def Vanguard. She picks up some infiltrator abilities due to her desire to learn how to fire a sniper rifle. She’s not used to hanging back and timing her shots, so it’s sort of a goal for her.

25 Days: Describe Ryder’s favorite combat style. Bioware call Peebee a “gunslinger” and describe Liam as a “close-range fighter” - how would you describe Ryder’s combat role/strengths? What are some of their favorite biotic/tech/other abilities?

She could definitely be considered like a bulldozer. She loves getting in people’s faces and taking them head on. She’s very impatient on the battlefield, so she really likes using abilities like biotic charge that allow her to zoom up to her enemy real quick.

24 Days: Which squadmates do you think will best compliment Ryder’s combat style? Alternatively, who do you plan to take out most in the field?

Companions like Vetra or Cora would prolly compliment her style well since they seem much more tactical. 

23 Days: Which weapons or category of weapons will Ryder prefer? Describe their favorite loadout.

She is absolutely in love with shotguns and never leaves the ship without one. It’s short-ranged and powerful and she couldn’t ask for anything better. She also really takes to melee weapons like the asari swords. 

22 Days: Will Ryder craft? What are you most excited about crafting? Do you have any names in mind already for weapons?

Tobin takes really good care of her weapons, so she’ll definitely be adding modifications to them rather quickly. She also unironically likes really edgy names, so she carries around a shotgun she named “Krogan’s Fury.” 

21 Days: What are Ryder’s personality traits? Describe 5 strengths and 5 flaws.

She’s very outgoing and friendly, but she’s also laid back in a sense that she doesn’t get shaken or worried very easily (unless it involves her brother). She’s a great friend, and will listen to anyone when they need her. But she also has no filter and often says things without thinking them through. She also has trouble focusing, which ended up affecting her performance in school. Despite that, she can come across as a bit too cocky.

20 Days: What first impressions does Ryder tend to give people? Do they have any ‘odd’ or specific mannerisms, habits or other quirks? How do they present and carry themselves?

She gives off a jock vibe. Some people have it in their heads that she’s not too bright since she values sports and is generally pretty loud. She also walks with her head up high, which puts some people off. But once people get to know her, she’s almost universally liked because she’s an easy person to be yourself around.

19 Days: Where would Ryder fall in the classic Paragon/Renegade morality system? What would their D&D alignment be? If you know their personality type in any personality typing systems (such as MBTI and Enneagram - you can find various type descriptions and tests using Google), feel free to add and discuss them here.

Tobin would fall closer to Paragon because she truly wants to help humanity and all those in need. When a situation involves her friends, she occasionally makes rash decisions when things could have been solved peacefully. I would consider her to be Neutral Good. 

18 Days: What qualities does Ryder like and dislike in other people? Are there any things they particularly appreciate or can’t stand?

She doesn’t take too well to people who think they’re above everyone else and assert their opinions when no one asked. She tends to make the closet bonds to those quieter than her. When she was younger, she grew up with sports teams full off outgoing girls like her, so she learned to appreciate those who are more lowkey. But she still gets along with others like her since they tend to share her same enthusiasm. 

17 Days: List some of Ryder’s favorite things - colors, food, music, etc. Is there anything of this nature that they hate? Do they have any hobbies or skills outside of combat?

She loves music and she’s quite gifted musically.  Along with her brother, she has a naturally good voice, and they often sing with each other to lift their friends moods and overall have a good time. Tobin is also particularly attached to soccer and will practice shooting whenever she can. When she’s aboard the Nexus, it’s the one thing she misses most. 

16 Days: How would Ryder define their sexuality?

She’s gay and has known it all her life. Her brother is bisexual, but he came out at a much older age.

15 Days: Delve into the Ryder family background - how is/was their relationship with their father, sibling and mother? Do they get along, hero worship, close twin connection, sibling rivalry, was it strained, was it distant, etc.

Both Tobin and Christian have never gotten along with their father. They always found him too uptight, and he never seemed to have time to devote to them. When their mother died, Tobin used her sports as an excuse to say away from home as much as possible so she wouldn’t have to be stuck around her father. She is, however, extremely close with her brother. They were each other’s best friends after their mother died, and their bond grows stronger with each passing day. 

14 Days: Describe some important or formative events in Ryder’s history. How did these impact and shape them?

Honestly, the death of their mother shaped them the most. After she was gone, they had no one they could hide behind. They were forced to grow up because they knew their father wouldn’t bother making an effort to care for them. They elevated each other into who they are today.

13 Days: Why did Ryder join the Alliance military? Later on, what were Ryder’s reasons for signing up to the Andromeda Initiative? Were they seeking adventure (or glory, or a challenge), wanting a new start, running from something, following their family, trying to secure a future for humanity, did they simply feel railroaded into it, etc.

She wanted to get away. After a while, it felt as though there was no more room to grow while stuck on the Citadel. She wanted to test herself, prove that she had the potential to be great. At first, she wasn’t too happy her father was chosen to be the Pathfinder, but she soon realized that she would be able to prove her worth to him through this journey. She signed up as fast as she could.

12 Days: How will Ryder feel upon waking up from cryo? Relieved, excited, scared, impatient to get going, lost, etc.

She’s disoriented but excited. She’s ready to explore their new world, make a name for herself. However, that excitement turns to uncertainty once she realizes her brother hasn’t awakened. Tobin believes in herself deep down, but this is a big new thing and for all the major hurdles in her life, she has had Christian by her side. It takes adjustments for sure.

11 Days: Once in Andromeda, what are Ryder’s goals? What drives them?

Proving to herself that she can be what humanity needs to find a new world. The closer she becomes to her squadmates, the more she strives for success because she wants a bright future for them as well.

10 Days: Will Ryder ever miss the Milky Way? What things and places will they miss most?

A part of her will always miss the Milky Way. It was her home, and her fondest memories (her mother) will remain in the galaxy forever. She also misses the old soccer field she played on with her friends. But at the end of the day, she doesn’t regret her decision to join the Andromeda Initiative, and she elects to make new memories that are just a good.

#blaer talks

[kuchipatchi69]

aesthetic themed asks 😎 answer them all 😎

god ham ok

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?Today probably? I listen to music when I walk around campus so i kind of sing to myself

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?If I will be happy in the future lol

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?Actually making it to college

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?Everytime I go home and see my dogs lmao, i love them so much

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?I would do whatever I want tbh, no reason to not have a good time

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?uh!god i have no idea, im honestly winging it

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.Okay so we’ll do the Big Meme @chesapeakeripperWe’ve been friends for like, over 5 years and though we had a few falling outs, theyre literally my best friend lmao. Short, Salty, yet chill, and always a good time to hangout with. One of the only people I can spend more than a week with probably. Too edgy for their own good but has a compatible aesthetic and music taste. Edgy but loves folk music? A little shady, an asshole, yells at me for dabbing too much but then proceeds to dab or get mad when i dont take advantage of the good time to do it. ALSO the only person who i feel on the same level with rhythm games in general lmao

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?Oh yeah. My parents were good and I’ve realized how nice ive had it. We aren’t rich or anything but my parents always made sure we were comfortable.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?Oh god i dont even know. OH NVM YEAH, I cried in front of my vocal teacher and I feel so much closer to her honestly.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.Ok not to be gay but ham probably lol I mean? I would feel at peace probably, because I can talk to him about anything and I wouldnt have to feel nervous or anything.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?Oh yeah, I’m an open book and Most new friends reach out to me when im having a rough time so

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?Either Ham or Cain? Idk it wasnt anything too deep lmaoW Cain we just shit talk or talk about mbmbam? or pkmn cards lets be real. Cain is my bff and ham is a good guy

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?FUCK IDK ID REALLY HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THISI’d probably tell my dad thank you and how much he meant to me

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?Great, I love them

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.“What” - anyone ever, I connect with it because I never know whats going on ever

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?“I’m out here”

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?buy a lot of anime figures and also clothes and pokemon cards

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?IT DEPENDS! I can forgive people if I can see how genuine their apology is but if its something really shitty, then probably not lol

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.Are you seriousDear newly gay Sydney (I didn't start going by Sid until highschool so),I’m glad you cut your hair off, and I actually want to cut it again. I know you cut it because you were experimenting with gender stuff, which I’m also glad you did. You can stop being so edgy and a weeb? Also stop being so into yaoi it’s Really cringey to look back on (esp bc you wrote mpreg and I’m still not proud of it S M H). I don't really remember Middle School and I’m glad because you were in your scene phase and you tried way too hard, eventually became a compulsive liar and just manipulative overall.I’m a lot gayer and more comfortable now than you are, so try not to be so fake-depressed because the real thing will hit you in a few years and yeah, you’ll want to die but its fine. Everything’s okay. This is supposed to be 200 words but i dont give a shit so heres this.Your more gay, and less uptight self, Sid

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?Oh god, punk, but tired

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.I love tattoos and want to be covered in them, and I love piercings and want love them

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?idk why this is under piercings but okI do! but I also dont! I dont wear makeup 85% of the time but I have so much makeup and I love to put it on :’)

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.Y’all.... Fall out boy has literally been there for me through all my years and have been the band I go back and listen to because I didnt share their music with anyone, and It makes me feel like I can go back to before life was so hard

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.“Who gives a shit, my dude” 

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.Jonas brothers (lmao)- I dont talk to the people I went with, my first concert, I didnt even plan to go lolFall Out Boy- Literally one of the best nights of my life and I got to spend it with my cousin and I’m so gladTwenty One Pilots- Though i dont really like them anymore, I became better friends with Maizie, who has literally had my heart for so long and I love her so much. I love both her and Jacob and wish I kept up better contact with them

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say????????????? idk 

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?My desk has: a makeup mirror, some cake, a lamp, pill bottles and anime figures. Its unorganized bc I dont work there

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?Lay down, turn on MBMBAM, and then play all of the puzzle games I have until I’m out of lives before going to sleep l m a o

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?I went to some guys house one time and he tried to get me to do coke (I didnt do it dont worry)

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?MY HAIR IS BRIGHT YELLOW RN I WANT IT TO BE CURLY THO

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?Cain, Ally, Maizie, Jacob and Julia probably. We could go somewhere spooky

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.To be happy-Idk im not as happy as I want to beTo be wanted- I have a lot of problems with self worth so To be happy w my appearance- Ive been overweight my whole life and I’ve always felt ugly lmao

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.Oh god I have no idea bc I usually just do makeup and go 

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?Drunk text people how sad I am

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?im not sure tbh

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?only see one person? Cain probably only bc we get along so well even tho we get on each others nerves lmao

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.BRO okay yeah I have, it ended BADLY and a lot of people know the story. Of both the platonic and not. idk tho, its a good feeling to know someone is there for you no matter what

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?yeah, I LOOK like a 12 year old boy but its fine lmao

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?Iced coffee, 6 pumps of simple syrup and half and half. Green tea smoothie or frap OR salted caramel hot chocolate. My orders are pretty normal so 

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?God, my friends. They’ve helped me so much and I could not be more thankful because I’m going through such a hard time

#criticaldensity