#aksndatang

[fatherslovejourney]

Thursday I wasn't ready to attempt the prayer exercise for one experiencing loss. Friday morning 3rd day of the retreat. I mustered enough courage to do part 1 - pray Psalm 143. I entered into the prayer room and sat facing the shut door. I looked at the paper and looked at the door. I did this a few times. As I sat in the dark, a song hummed on my lips. "When peace like a river attendeth my way When sorrows like sea billows roar Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say It is well, it is well with my soul It is well....with my soul It is well, it is well with my soul" I sang the chorus again and again before I started praying the Psalm. Once I hit "It is time for me to let go. It is time for me to bid farewell, to walk away....", I broke. Sr. Elizabeth had earlier encouraged me to allow emotions to surface and when they do, to pause and ask myself "why am I feeling this way?" I paused and asked myself. Was it the man himself I couldn't let go? Didn't feel like it. I paused again and said to the door before me: "You don't need me anymore. I'm letting go of your need for me. I'm letting go of the family ministry God called me into when I moved back in. It is finished. So many mornings I said bye when leaving for work, but at your final send off, I didn't, So bye now, Pa." I didn't deny Dad's passing. I just suppress my feelings and let my head take over in the first week but the silence in the second week was too much to bear and the third week, I'm here to face and work through my feelings. There was a sense of relief saying bye but that was all the courage I had in one morning. Part two will have to wait and God knows when it's right. #lategram #aksndatang #griefisajourney #grievingwithgod #grievingmyway https://www.instagram.com/p/Ce9ChNbprKd/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#lategram #aksndatang #griefisajourney #grievingwithgod #grievingmyway