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wongpuppy · 5 years

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MOMENTS II, johnny seo

↳ Rating angst + fluff

↳ Pairing bestfriend!Johnny x Y/N

↳ Word count 5.4k [ part I + part II ]

↳ Summary you fell in love with bestfriend!Johnny in a series of moments

“Wait for me.”

Johnny’s able to mutter out once he gets out of the hammock.

His eyes were glued to you, and have been ever since you told him to say something. And Johnny wanted to look away so fucking bad but he couldn’t. The whole time he watched you, he felt his fists clench and heart twist over and over again. He’d never see you so broken, so small. Not even when you left Sehun, this was pure hurt and embarrassment. Yet he couldn’t look away.

It was like he was making sure you weren’t going to say or do anything more. Because you have never caught Johnny off guard like that before, and he wasn’t used to a spontaneous Y/N.

He takes one lasting look at you with a very clenched fist before he wills himself to get back to his apartment. Johnny knew you and he knew talking was the last thing you were going to do, holding back all your tears. He looks down to his opened fist, seeing heavily evident nail marks.

So Johnny forces himself to walk away, to take a step back.

Because in the four years Johnny had known you, he’s only ever managed to keep one secret from you; why exactly him and Ruby broke up. And up until now, Johnny hadn’t let himself think much about it. That’s exactly why he couldn’t see or be around you, because he knew he fucked up bad.

He looks back at you right before he leaves the balcony, and instantly regrets it when your eyes meet for maybe the third time since this all begun.

Your eyes were filled with so much pain and sadness, Johnny’s steps immediately faulted and hesitated before exiting your balcony. He stands there for a second until knew that the last thing he could do right now is help you, no matter how badly he wanted to.

So he forces himself to keep walking out of your apartment (and locking it with his spare key), get in his car, and drive home. In the car, music plays in the background but not in Johnny’s mind, his head too full with scenes of you looking up and stars stuck in your eyes, how the more your eyes teared up, the more and more it reflected the sky and all its stars-

Yeah. Johnny needed to stop thinking. At a red light, he quickly flips through his playlists and cranks up the volume to Beethoven’s sonata no. 14.

The songs melancholy notes blare through the speakers and Johnny feels himself relax against the drivers seat and focus on the piano keys. But the more this particular song played and the closer Johnny got to his apartment, he realized that this was your favorite Beethoven song. And instantly, Johnny’s shoulders drop and he feels a tear fall from his right eye. More and more, tears fell right after each other while Johnny drove home. His heart felt like it was being torn apart the farther he got away from you and into the song.

Once he parks his car, Johnny sits in the drivers seat for a second holding the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles went white. Face wet with the remnants of tears and sobs, Johnny felt stuck in his seat. As much as he wanted to go back to you and comfort you, he couldn’t trust what he would do. Johnny was going through so many emotions and memories, he felt like he was going to blow up at any point. Wiping the last of his tears, he gets out of the car and can’t help but whip the door shut.

Going up the building, Johnny quickly closes the door to his apartment and leans against the front door. All he does is lean against the door and keep his eyes on the floor. Out of everything he thought could happen today, you confessing your feelings wasn’t one of them. And out of everything that could be brought back up from his past, it’s his break up with Ruby.

Johnny shuts his eyes tightly. He slides down his door until he’s sitting in front of it with this head in his hands. He knew karma had a funny way of messing up his life.

The only person who knew about the break up was Jaehyun, Johnny’s other best friend. He was pretty close to the younger guy, having known him a long time, but there was something about Y/N that made Johnny almost magnetized to you.

Johnny reaches for his phone and scrolls through his contacts before clicking on Jaehyun’s name, putting it on loudspeaker and closing his eyes.

“What’s up, Johnno?” Jaehyuns lively voice answered.

“Its Y/N, Jaehyun.” Johnny pinches the bridge of his nose. “Something happened, she-”

“She knows you cheated on Ruby, doesn’t she?”

There it is. The disgusting, dreadful secret.

Johnny sort of wiped the whole memory of the breakup clean as if it never happened, not wanting to go through what had happened two years ago.

“Shit, bro, no. She doesn’t. Not yet, anyway.” Johnny rests his head back on his front door. “I’m just going to have to tell her at some point.”

Jaehyun’s quiet on the other end of the call.

When Johnny told him, it had just happened and Jaehyun refused to talk to his best friend for around 2 weeks before he forgave him. And it took Jaehyun a lot not to punch him square in the face for a long time.

Jaehyun knows Johnny fucked up, but he also knows that Johnny understands he fucked up and has been trying to make up for it since.

“Y/N’s gonna freak the fuck out, bro.”

Both the boys knew you, Johnny obviously a lot more. But even Jaehyun knew the amount of hatred you had for cheaters, being cheated on by the first guy you dated (Simon or whatever) and Sehun. They both knew cheating was the end zone for you, your own blacklist.

“I know, Jae, thanks for stating the obvious.” Johnny groans and his feet taps rapidly on the floor. “I’m so fucked.”

“Does she know about your feelings for her too?”

Fuck me. Johnny clears his throat with a groan. “No, Jaehyun. She doesn’t.”

Johnny knew how messy the situation he got himself into was. But he couldn’t help it, you were right, something did happen two years ago. But unlike you, Johnny didn’t allow himself to relish in moments of awe at you, he just refused to ever let himself think there was a chance for the two of you to ever work out.

Because Johnny plainly knew that he was not good enough. Because Johnny was a cheater, and you stuck to the saying ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’. Because Johnny knew that once he told you, you wouldn’t see him as Johnny, your best friend. You’ll just see him as a cheater.

Because Johnny was scared. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt you, and look at how shit he was already doing.

So Johnny held his breath and tucked away those feelings for two years. Jaehyun only knew because he cornered him a year ago with a suspicious glance. But as far as he knew, you didn’t have an ounce of a clue of his true feelings. And tonight solidified that.

Jaehyun whistles on the other end and sighs. “You guys are the closest people I know, I can’t imagine the two of you not being on good terms.”

You should’ve seen what just went down then bro, Johnny thinks to himself. He swallows thickly, wanting to change the topic. “I just can’t bullshit when I tell her. I just need to go out and say it, no beating around the bushes.”

“And don’t make any excuses.” Jaehyun adds. “You fucked up and you know it, make sure she knows that.”

Johnny’s quiet for a while, taking in everything that he would have to say to you. “Okay. Thank you, man. I owe you, big time.”

“Always, bro.” Jaehyun says on the other line. “Give her time, Johnny. Let me know how it goes when it does.”

The phone call ends and Johnny thought he’d feel somewhat better at this point but he really doesn’t. He feels just as shitty as he did when he first saw your face when he said he needed to go. Johnny’s mind is still too clouded in scenes of you with stars in your eyes. You looked so raw and open, it hurt Johnny unimaginably that he hasn’t been the same to you.

Best friends told each other everything, even the worst parts. Realizing that he held back something as big as cheating from you made Johnny feel like pure shit.

How he’d gone two years without telling you is insane to him now.

Johnny pulls out his airpods from his pocket and puts them on, playing more of Beethoven. The last thing he wanted was to be alone in the silence where his thoughts could shout and plague Johnny’s mind.

So like clockwork, Johnny gets on with his nightly routine. A glass of water, quick wash and moisturize of his face, before dressing down to boxers, and getting into bed.

But this time, Johnny doesn’t fall asleep in 5 or 10 minutes. Johnnys wide awake all night. Eyes locked on the ceiling on top of him and Chopin playing gloomy music through his earphones.

Throughout the whole sleepless night, your face had been the only thing on his mind. He couldn’t help but feel a bit dumbstruck repeating those moments of you in his head over and over. For a second, Johnny allowed himself to see you as his.

What if he grinned from ear to ear instead, nodding with fire in his eyes at you? “Y/N, I’m crazy in love with you, I have been for two-“

Johnny stops when he realizes a tear slipping from his left eye. He shuts his eyes quickly and holds his hands up to cover them. Get a fucking grip, Johnny. But the more and more he kept telling himself that, the more he felt himself crumble. It isn’t long until he’s a mess on his bed, throat scratchy and raw from the wretched, vocal cries.

And to think Johnny had never cried as many times in 20+ years as he had tonight.

Thats basically how it went for the next two days. Johnny isolated himself to his bedroom, bathroom, UberEats, Debussy, and Bach. Not going to classes and taking a few sick days from work, Johnny really didn’t feel like going through any day without you.

It was kinda dumb how much you’ve woven yourself into Johnny’s life, subconsciously becoming almost a necessity in it.

If one of you didn’t sleep over, theres always a morning text followed by ‘ride?’, and thats just how easy friendship was to the two of you. Johnny always brought an extra bottle of water wherever he was with you because you would always finished yours and drank his. You always kept a mini umbrella in your bag because last year Johnny kept complaining about his bad luck of being caught up in rain with no umbrella. And you’d go help him no matter where you were or what you were doing.

Johnny wakes up quietly on the third day, different to waking up in cold sweats and sobs from nightmares the first two days. He looks at the time on his phone with a low groan. 6:30am with no alarm. Classic morning bird Johnny.

He lays back on his bed with an arm behind his head and eyes focused on the ceiling.

His days seemed to drag on longer, hours lasting years, ever since the two of you stopped talking. Previously, the longest the two of you gone without talking at all (other than sleeping) was just a day. And that was because Johnny worked a double shift interning at a hospital shadowing a doctor and obviously, the two of you weren’t in a fight.

On the third day, Johnny had the intense need to reach out to you. He’d catch himself last minute before sending a text or requesting a facetime. He didn’t know what it was, the first two days Johnny allowed himself to wallow in sadness, and now, it was like he was aching for your company.

But still, Johnny shook the thought off. These few days, he had also been thinking quite hard about what to say and how exactly to say it. Because he knew it was all bad he just wanted to know if there was any way he could soften the blow (there weren’t). So, third day in and Johnny barely had a fairly thought-through idea in his head.

Clearing his throat, Johnny shuts the curtains closed and scrambles back in bed. He couldn’t trust himself or what he was going to say, not wanting to mess things up even more. Curling up on his side, Johnny closes his eyes and feels himself drift off to sleep, imagining you right beside him. Thats really how the most of the day went, Johnny falling in and out of sleep, the blackout curtains making it seem like night time 24/7.

At some point, Johnny couldn’t stand the helpless, cruel dreams of you and him and grabs his phone checking the time. 8:26pm. He knew barely getting sleep in two days would catch up to him. Karma, you see, always made sure to kick Johnny’s ass real good.

After a few more minutes in bed, Johnny gets out and goes to his kitchen with a stretch and roll of his shoulders. He puts in coffee into his French press and leans against the counter. Looking around his kitchen and living room, Johnny sighs.

He barely left his room for good measure. His apartment was filled with fragments and memories of you in every piece of furniture, it almost scared Johnny. You chose the couch and carpet, you’d spend every Tuesday nights in the kitchen cooking for your weekly taco Tuesdays-

Johnny squeezed his eyes shut.

When he opens them the next second however, Johnny is caught up in a memory. A memory of the first time he told you he loved you.

A little more than a year ago, you had managed to get blackout fucked up at one of NCT’s parties. Johnny took you back to his place after you nearly stripped down and jumped into the pool in negative temperatures.

You were spinning on one of Johnny’s counter stools, giggling like an 8 year old. You kept giggling at nothing in particular and just the sight made his heart skip a beat. And for the first time in a while, he let himself indulge in his feelings.

Johnny was leaning against the exact same spot, watching you with a dopey grin and a deep laugh. He knew he only had around 3 beers but he couldn’t shake off the need to keep looking at you. “You’re gonna get sick if you keep spinning around like that.”

“Please, Johnny boy, I’m already sick as fuck.” You drag out the last word and continue spinning and giggling your head off. There it was, the dumb nickname you called him whenever you were drunk. Johnny swallowed thickly, brushing off the way you articulated his name.

Johnny grins to himself, stopping your spinning by putting his hands down and grabbing onto the stool. He leans in close to your face with a lick of his lips. His honey eyes scatter across your eyes, nose, then lips.

“How drunk are you, Y/N?”

Johnny mutters out, eyes drinking in your low eyes and wide, pearly smile.

“Very drunk. Like I won’t remember this in the morning.” You grin like you just said something good. Then, you cross your hands and narrow a brow, smirking at him. “Why, you gonna kiss me, Johnny boy?”

“No.” He says quickly, pretending he didn’t hear those exact words from you.

Johnny picks you up easily and walks over to his room with you in his arms. He puts you on the bed and walks to his bathroom to get the makeup wipes you left. He comes back and sits down close to you to remove your make up. He leans back into you and when you don’t react in any way, Johnny clears his throat, using the fact that you wouldn’t remember this to his advantage.

“I’m in love with you, Y/N. I feel a lot of things for you and I’m terrified.”

Drunk you grins up at Johnny, not fully processing the intensity behind his words. Johnny wished this was real and actually going on, seeing the smile on your face at his words. And god, did it feel good to say out loud. He felt the weight of thousands of bricks slip off his shoulders and he takes a deep breath.

Johnny looks back at you with a half smile. “And I really can’t imagine my life without you.”

Johnny shakes his head, attempting to shake off all the memories that came along. He knew he’s heard your words before, repetition of a drunken memory of his own confession. What were the odds.

But the memory of the way it felt to tell you he loved you stuck to him, and he completely forgets why he was in the kitchen until the French press steams up.

So Johnny quickly presses it and makes himself coffee in an 8 ball spherical mug (because every mug was chosen by you and was well, crazy).

“I still don’t know how you can drink coffee without anything.”

Johnny jumps at the sound of your voice, turning around to check behind him with his heart racing. “Fuck.” Johnny curses, a hand clenching his chest. Just another memory. Johnny felt like he was being haunted.

He stands in his kitchen for a few seconds before he utters ‘fuck it’, running to his room and throwing on a random pair of jeans and a large hoodie. Grabbing his keys and wallet, Johnny runs out of his apartment without a second thought.

When he’s in his car, Johnny pulls out his phone and clicks on your chat. He gulps nervously.

Johnny: i need to see you please @8:47pm

Johnny: text me Y/N please @8:48pm

He sits there for a second before starting up and driving to your apartment complex, the usual 7 minute drive taking double as long because of Johnny’s nerves.

Y/N: when? @9:03pm

Johnny: are you free now? @9:03pm

Y/N: yeah @9:04pm

Johnny: okay im coming up @9:04pm

Y/N: youre down?? @9:04pm

He dismisses the last text from you and parks his car, taking his time to get into and up your building to your apartment. Johnny never felt so nervous before in his life, standing in front of your door. He didn’t know what to expect to come from this, not even knowing why he was here to begin with.

Johnny lifts his fists to knock on your door.

Theres a few minutes before the door opens and Johnny tries to take the time to collect and calm his thoughts and emotions but almost the opposite thing happens. He just feels his emotions spike and the temperature pick up standing in front of your door.

Once the door opens, Johnnys eyes zip up from the floor to you and he feels his heart squeeze.

Three whole days without you made Johnny feel like water was taken away from him and this was the first sip in years. Your features are coaxed in a layer of tiredness and sadness, clinging onto your skin. And Johnny felt like you were the most beautiful thing he’s seen. The shape of your eyes and eyelashes, the curve of your lips, the pink of your cheeks, Johnny loved it all.

“Y/N, I-uh… I.” Johnny clears his throat and already feels tears prickle the corner of his eyes. “Fuck, Y/N. I love you. I am in love with you.”

Johnny watches the confusion in your eyes slowly vanish, instead filling up with pure happiness. It killed him. Your lips start to curl up and the first tear falls from Johnnys eyes.

“N-No, Y/N, you don’t understand.”

Your eyes drop again, head congested with so many mixed emotions. You didn’t know what was going on and plainly, Johnny didn’t either.

“Help me understand then, Johnny.” Motioning for him to get inside, Johnny follows with a sniffle of his nose.

The both of you sat on your living room couch and when you reach out to hold Johnnys hand, he takes it back in the speed of light.

“I haven’t been completely truthful to you, Y/N. Just hear me out before you say anything, okay?” You nod hesitantly and Johnny sighs. “Ruby and I… we didn’t just break up, Y/N.”

You furrow your brows, confusion clear on your face. Johnny plays with his fingers. “One night, we got into an argument. We lashed out at each other, yelling and screaming, then she storms out of my apartment. Still pissed, I went over to the frat house and one thing led to another and there was a party.” He squeezes his eyes shut tightly. “I… I cheated on Ruby that night. I got drunk, s-slept with some random girl, and I broke up with Ruby the next morning.”

Johnny doesn’t want to open his eyes, now fully understanding why you kept looking at the sky three days ago. All he could hear was the tv playing something in the background and the sound of his heart slowly start to rip apart. Because as time went on, a new noise started to fill the apartment.

Johnny’s eyes open slowly to the sight of you hunched over and sobbing into your palms. His voice gets stuck in his throat and his mind goes quiet. He feels his hands start to heat up and twitch, almost needing to touch you and comfort you in any way he could. Johnny felt so helpless, wanting to help you but knowing he was the one you were crying about.

He doesn’t even realize he was even sobbing lightly.

“D-Does she know?”

Johnny swallows thickly at your words and nods instantly. “Of course, I told her. Y/N, you don’t know how bad I fe-“

“J-Johnny.” Your eyes are red and glossy when you look up at him. Your voice was broken and you choke back a sob. Johnny watches your face constrict and feels his jaw go slack at the sight. “How could you?”

The immense pain behind your words hit Johnny at full force. He’s broken quite a few bones in his life but nothing hurt more than that.

“How could you do that to her?” The whole time, you’re shaking your head and Johnny sees exactly what he didn’t want to.

You didn’t look at him as your best friend. He was Johnny the cheater in that second and Johnny felt sick to his stomach.

Johnny’s mouth dries up and he can’t find the words to answer, stuck looking at you like a fish out of water, mouth opening and closing. Tears fell from his eyes on their own accord, making his honey eyes look almost green. He holds out his hands to hold you and you shake your head forcibly.

“No, don’t touch me, Johnny.”

He’s never felt helplessness like that, hurting you then wanting to help you, it tore Johnny apart. He takes his arms back with a shivering chin.

You continue to sob loudly, covering your face with your hands. Johnny can hear you mumbling ‘how could you’ over and over.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Johnny chokes out, using the his sleeves to wipe his tears. “I’m sorry the only answer I can give you is I don’t know. I was stupid, angry, and you know me, Y/N. I’m not the same person, I changed and you know this. Please don’t look at me any differently.”

He watches you hiccup and wipe away tears, still managing to look completely flawless to him. Johnny sighs.

“That’s why I haven’t gotten into a relationship since… it’s like I don’t trust myself. I was capable of that much pain to someone I had a lot of feelings for… I just don’t want to be in a position like that again.”

“How am I supposed to know you’d never cheat on me, Johnny?”

“Because I’ve never felt anything like this towards anyone and I never want to let it go.” Johnny visibly swallows and hesitates before holding onto your hand lightly. “I never want to let you go.”

“You deserve a lot better than me, Y/N. But if you give me the chance, I’ve been bettering myself and I want to continue to with you beside me.”

You stare at the way Johnny holds your hand with his the whole time. Its soft and intimate, homely. His words and actions dripped honey, and you felt your previously broken heart start to put itself together.

But the more you stared at your intertwined hands, the more sick to your stomach you felt.

You slowly slide your hand out of his grasp and catch the way heartbreak flies across Johnny’s face. You squeeze your hands together, realizing how cold they were without Johnny’s to warm them.

“I need time to take this all in, Johnny. You kept a secret from me and lied, I can’t just brush that off.” You gulp when you watch his head fall.

He nods and clears his throat, voice husky and deep. “I understand, I’ll give you all the time you need, Y/N.”

When he stands up, you stand up right after and clear your throat. “Thank you for telling me about Ruby.”

Johnny looks at you with a sad smile. “No need.” He walks over to your front door with heavy footsteps. “I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

⇝⇝⇝

2 months later

Johnny pulls out the pie he made last night from the fridge and sets it on the coffee table. He puts the last of all his pillows and blankets on the couch and on the floor in front of it. He knew how much you liked being warm and comfy, pillow forts being your favorite thing ever.

Johnny woke up at 7am today already nervous. It was the his and your friendship anniversary, and you had already texted him asking him if he wanted to do something today. With an obvious yes, Johnny gulped and bit his nails all day.

You and Johnny barely spoke in these 2 months but it was sort of okay. There was never any bad feelings and the two of you smiled at each other whenever you bumped into each other.

But at the beginning it was probably one of the hardest things Johnny went through.

Having to wake up and get through the day without talking or seeing you? Thats like telling Johnny to practice suffocation for a couple minutes everyday.

But as time went by, Jaehyun would come around with Mark, Ten, and Doyoung; and Johnny realized how much he missed being around his friends. He often spent most of his time with you and saw the guys a couple times a week. Being around them now made Johnny feel guilty for not spending more time with them but they were quick to dismiss it, always going to be there for him when he needed them.

He realized that he shouldn’t have been alone those rough couple days. So he spent more time with the guys, and eventually began to feel a little better.

But he never forgot about the way your eyes widened and beamed when he told you he loved you.

It was now currently 8:58pm and you were due to arrive at his place in 2 minutes. Johnny was so fucking nervous. But he was also curious, these two months were a time of recovery for Johnny, and he didn’t know how it treated you.

Theres a knock on his door and Johnny lets out a long breath before clearing his throat and running over to the door. He hesitates at the door handle before pulling it open. And Johnny was speechless.

You looked really good, as if you had a sort of glow to you. Your eyes seemed brighter and your smile softer. It caught Johnny off guard, momentarily taking a couple seconds to take this all in.

Just like that, Johnny knew that his feelings never once left and if anything, just got all the more stronger.

You gave him a shy smile holding up a plate covered in foil. “I brought something for, uh, you know. Today.”

Of course. Both of your friendship anniversary called for dessert night. Thats how its always been and also why Johnny spent the entire day yesterday (with a little help from Jaehyun) baking a key lime pie.

Johnny smiles and he smiles big. Nodding, he lets you by. “Yeah, I made something yesterday. Its on the table in the living room.”

You walk by him and turn back to him with a grin. “It’s nice to see you, Johnny.”

Johnnys eyes drag up your converse, across your outfit, and up to your rosy red cheeks. He grins widely. “You look good, Y/N. How’ve you been recently?” He closes the door and ushers you towards the living room.

“I’ve been really good, actually.” Your blush never fading. “I got the job at JM and Co.”

Johnny’s eyes go wide. “The top law firm? Holy shit, Y/N, that’s insane.”

“Its only a desk job right now. But I’m really excited.” He watches your hands clamp together and eyes twinkle when you smile. He feels his heart squeeze and damn, Johnny was so whipped.

“I’m really proud of you, Y/N. You’re gonna go really far.”

If anyone knew that, it was Johnny. He always made sure to go to all of your mock trials and debates, watching you murder it every time.

So he never had a doubt that you would be the best lawyer out there.

The both of you walk into the living room and Johnny scratches the back of his neck at the pie. “I baked it yesterday with some help from Jaehyun. Key lime pie, our favorite.”

You look at the pie with wide eyes and a shocked chuckle. You quickly pick at the foiled tin in your hands and Johnny watches you with a warm feeling in his chest. “I brought key lime pie too!”

The both of you laugh and grin at each other, Johnny inching closer to you with a shrug. “The more the merrier.”

You grin and taking in the set up Johnny had in his living room with the blankets and pillows. Your heart beat picking up its pace. “This is really cute, Johnny.”

“We used to do this, anyway.” Johnny shrugs and you catch the blush that washes across his face. “I just want this to be perfect.”

And perfect it was. The both of you delved into your pies, watching 3 movies (but the two of you talked instead throughout all the movies), and exchanged shy, bashful gazes the entire night.

And for the first time since Johnny realized that he liked you, keeping his feelings as background noice wasn’t possible anymore.

Because at one point when you laughed at something he had said, Johnny felt his heart skip and his tunnel vision set on you. The air smelled like key lime pie, Johnny’s favorite movie Inception played in the background, and his favorite sound sang through his ears. You laughed without a care in the world, face lit up, and smile wide enough your eyes were shut closed. Johnny’s breath catches in his throat. He couldn’t hear the tv or anything except your laugh and the sound of his heart beating, fast and erratic.

Breathtaking. You were absolutely breathtaking and he was completely caught up in it. Johnny knew in the pit of his gut he could stay like this forever, hearing and watching you laugh with nothing but happiness. Six minutes or sixty years, Johnny would love to hear you laugh for the rest of his life.

Love wasn’t easy for either of you to accept but it was worth it, because you fell slightly more in love every moment.

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