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thelifeofprettycommitteealpha · 3 years

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How to Act Like Massie Block

Steps

We'll start with attitude, by far the most important aspect of being like Massie Block. If you only take one thing from this, remember that you must always show, radiate, and have CONFIDENCE! This means not pointing out your flaws to others, (ex: "My hair is so frizzy today!" or "Is this top cute? 'Cause I'm not sure...") having good posture and always looking straight ahead, (never at the ground) and not ever letting people know when you feel unsure of yourself or your opinions. Never appear to be upset. Don't cry or make comments about how "your life sucks." You must always make it seem as if you have everything together, and that your life is perfect, or else people will never idolize you. Even if you're majorly embarrassed about something, you have to just laugh it off and forget it (don't make it a big deal). You can never show weakness!

Another crucial part of your Massie transformation is looking the part. Massie is gorgeous. She has straight, extremely shiny brunette hair, about shoulder length, sparkling amber eyes, and perfect skin. You don't have to look exactly like this, (always choose the look that works best on you) but you must always appear your best.

Without a fabulous wardrobe, Massie would be nothing. Be a true fashionista and wear expensive clothes from stores/designers like BCBG, Coach, Juicy Couture, Ralph Lauren, Seven For All Mankind, Guess, Lacoste, C&C California, Marc Jacobs, Joie, True Religion, etc. Always dress to impress! Never leave the house in sweats and a T-shirt (unless they're Juicy!). Even if you can't afford uber-expensive clothes, make sure to always look pulled together and stylish, with coordinated accessories and cute shoes. Don't tell anyone where you got your cheaper clothes unless you have a social death wish! A final note on inexpensive clothes: don't ever wear anything that looks cheap. This means don't go for the Wal-Mart or Target look when you can be buying low-priced (and way cuter) clothing from Forever 21 or Wet Seal. Oh, and no too tight/too big tacky clothing please. Wear stuff that fits you and looks good. Not sure? Get a second opinion. Make sure your underwear/bras are cute, too, from stores like Victoria's Secret or underglam.com. Trust me, people do notice in the locker room when you're changing. Never wear the same outfit more than once every two weeks or more: if you double up, people will think that you are thrifty and don't have very many clothes...and we wouldn't want them to think that, would we? No.

Massie is the queen bee. Popular. Worshipped. And how does she do this? By looking fabulous, having the right attitude, and establishing her dominance by using intimidation. Get together a clique of the prettiest and most fashionable girls in the school, 3-4 others. Make sure you are their leader. Your beta (second in command) should be the most loyal. The other girls should also be loyal and reliable; make sure you have at least one nice-ish girl to keep the peace in your clique. If you don't all get along, you will never rule. It's all about unity. This doesn't mean you can't boss them around though--it's what Massie would do! Test the waters by starting off really nice, then gradually getting a bit harsher. If they stick with you, you'll know you have 'em forever. Lighten up a bit if they start to stray. Make sure people are somewhat scared/intimidated by you, so that you know they'll do whatever you want. Be totally snobby to the losers at your school (a.k.a. basically everyone outside your group). Chances are, you'll be so fabulous by then, it will only make them idolize you more.

You must be thin to maintain your social status! This means very little or no fatty/sugary foods like chips, soda, candy, fried chicken, pizza, etc. It's a tough sacrifice to make, but well worth it in the long run! Work out regularly on a treadmill, doing crunches, squats, or playing the specified sports below. Chew sugarless gum. Never be too skinny or develop an eating disorder. Not only will many rumors be circulated about you, but you could even die from it!

Get super shiny hair by using shine shampoo, (such as Citré Shine or Brilliant Brunette Shine-Release) shine serum or spray, (know your limit--don't use too much or your hair will look greasy) and rinsing out your conditioner with cool water (as cold as you can stand it!). Straighten your hair with a good-quality flat iron and consult hair magazines or a hair stylist to find the best cut for your face (but never shorter than shoulder length!).

If you desire brown eyes, (and you don't have 'em) experiment with color contacts.

Achieve your best skin by washing your face morning and night with a good cleanser (Clean & Clear works great) and exfoliating and moisturizing daily. If you have dry skin, wash your face once per day and use more moisturizer; if you have more oily skin, skip the moisturizer. When you're drying your face, remember to pat, not rub, (rubbing pulls the skin and causes wrinkles). If you have bad acne that cannot be fixed by this skincare regimen, see a dermatologist.

Now for make-up...it can do so much for your face, turning you from plain to perfect in a matter of minutes. But be careful not to wear too much--you want to be like Massie, not Nina! Wear an eyeshadow in a natural color like brown, gold, or beige, (or whatever subtle color compliments your eye color) thinly line your eyes with a black or brown eyeliner, add a coat or two of blackish-brown mascara, and conceal all of your blemishes with the right shade and amount of concealer. It's also very important to remember your lip gloss--Massie would never leave home without hers! Buy a variety of different good-smelling flavors and bring them everywhere you go.

Make sure your teeth are bright-white and perfect. If your teeth are crooked, use "Invisiline" rather than getting braces (a lot more attractive!). Whiten your teeth with laser procedures or Crest Whitestrips. Brush at least twice a day with whitening toothpaste, and remember to floss!

Tips

Get a super cute dog (the smaller the better) such as a Chihuahua or a Pug, in black, light brown, or honey color (they're the cutest). You can also get a kitty; they're ah-dorable, too. Tell your pet everything, (yes, you can talk to her about your insecurities!) and love her as your child. Dress her in the cutest fashions, (this works best if you have a dog) and take her on walks in the evening with your Louis Vuitton leash.

Use words like "ah-mazing," "ah-dorable," and "ah-nnoying". Say "ehmagawd!" when you're shocked, surprised, or excited about something. When something is well-known and "ah-bvious" to you, say, "Given!". When you have the same opinion as someone, say, "Ah-greed". When something someone says strikes you as reasonable, say, "Point!" and draw an imaginary "1" with your finger if you desire.

Have the best and biggest room. Go with Massie and have everything be white, no exceptions! Make sure you have a queen-size bed, (you are one, right?) an Apple computer, a giant walk-in closet to store all your ah-mazing clothes, and a leather chaise by your bay window to have long phone conversations and brush your pet before going to bed. Vanilla scented candles are a nice touch, too. Have everyone refer to your room as the "iPad".

Sports are luh-ame unless they are something classy and don't involve getting dirty like Tennis, Horse-back Riding, or Volleyball. And shopping, of course!

Purple is the official color of royalty. Therefore it's your favorite color. Wear it, love it, decorate everything from books and pens to your cell phone with it (purple rhinestones, of course!).

Speaking of cell phones, you need one! It's the perfect way to stay updated on gossip and keep in contact with your friends. Make sure you have a texting plan so that you your clique can silently dish about stuff in class, detention, wherever! Cover it in Swarovski crystals and bring it everywhere you go.

Get together a carpool with your clique. Taking the bus is so ew!

Wear a charm bracelet with charms such as a shoe, Eiffel Tower, dog or cat, (whichever you have) star, and most importantly, a crystal-encrusted crown! Make sure the charm bracelet is gold, and never have any of the charms be silver (tacky much?). Buy it from Tiffany if you have the money.

Always have your fingernails and toenails perfectly manicured! I highly suggest a french tip for fingernails, because it coordinates so well with everything. Have them done at a fancy salon with your clique afterschool or on a weekend for a fun activity.

Throw a fabulous party to increase your popularity. Invite everyone.

You must always be prepared with a witty comeback for if, on some rare occasion, a wannabe insults you. One of my favorite Massie-style ones is, "Did I invite you to my barbecue?...Then why are you all up in my GRILL?" Consult the Clique books for some other great ones, or make some up yourself. Never let anyone get the best of you or think that they have won. Remember that YOU are in charge. YOU make the rules.

It helps to have an AIM account, or MSN, you'll need it to keep in touch with you friends one-on-one!

The magazines Teen Vogue, ElleGirl, and Lucky are your bible. Read them religiously(but not in a creepy way...)

Warnings

Be prepared to receive some backlash from the people that wish they were you. In other words, the jealous people. They may spread some pretty nasty stuff about you, but respond with something positively catty (your beta will help) to show them who's really the boss.

There may be occasions where controversy arises in your clique. Like a power-trip, where a girl in your clique suddenly wants the throne. Start by putting her in her place by telling her off in the hallway (preferably with many people around). If she still doesn't get the hint, kick her out the group and recruit someone new. Chances are, she'll come crawling back, begging for forgiveness. Let her back in after a little while, and ditch the temporary.

Many people will probably think you're a mean person. But they'll still love you, and wish they were just like you (they'll love to hate you). This is inevitable if you want to be on top like Massie. You'll get used to it.

#lifestyle tips #beauty tips

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adelearcherwrites · 5 years

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I was reading an article the other day (probably more like six months ago, but I couldn’t be bothered to write a blog about it at the time), and it was titled, ’14 Style Mistakes That Will Age You’. It was a piece that never really stated who it was aimed at, but without a doubt, it was for ‘women of a certain age’. I’m not sure why I chose to read it, because being a link that came via Facebook, it was never going to be overflowing with journalistic integrity. But I had time to kill. It appears the writer, whoever she was, had just asked a bunch of other fashion stylists and fashion content leads (stylists and leads from what and where, I couldn’t say) for their opinions on clothes. Although some of the advice I secretly and resignedly accepted, (unsurprisingly) some of the tips disgruntled me a bit. First off, who are these people to tell me what to wear? And second…off, these articles are never written for older men. That’s either because a] nobody gives a sh*t what older men wear, or b] we still live in a society with differing gender standards. I’ll leave you to be the judge of that. Anyway, putting the gender rights and wrongs of the article aside just for a bit (and I mean a bit), I thought I might give my two-pennies-worth on the actual fashion content.

1: Fast Fashion Trends

By this, the writer was referring to anything new and hip (just by me even saying ‘new and hip’ shows that I’m not). They suggested you may give a subtle nod to a new trend but no more, or you end up looking ‘clueless’. Well, this is something I don’t really need to worry about. I am very suspicious of all new trends until they are at least two years old, and then I might adapt a watered-down version of it for myself. I secretly think the fashion industry is out to make fools of all of us, and it’s just up to us not to let them.

2: Tights

Me in school uniform…

But I love tights!

You heard it right. Tights. Yeah, this one also staggered me somewhat too. This one particular stylist doesn’t like them. That staple of all our wardrobes – the writer says they ‘age us’. Not only does she not like nude ones (most people don’t, really), she doesn’t like black tights. She says they look like school uniform. I mean, I wear black opaque tights with such regularity throughout the winter, I can’t imagine the season without them. I look forward to the season because of them – at last a time when I can wear skirts! Well, whoever that particular ’fashion content lead’ was, she can sod right off.

3: Baggy Clothes

That is, oversized clothes will make you look bigger and hide your shape. I reluctantly agree with this statement, but only because I am very short and if I don’t emphasise my shape, I resemble a pygmy person. But back in the 80s and 90s I was wearing massive Marks and Spencer men’s cardigans just like everybody else (teamed with Doc Martin’s and high-wasted jeans). And I still ascertain to this day I looked swell. My kids love their oversized t-shirts and jumpers and coats – I just think it is a fashion phase we all can and should go through.

4: Black

It’s okay! I have bronze shoes!

Yep. So, what they’re saying is, black is a bit draining to those with older skin. Never have I heard suck a crock of sh*t. Surely somebody was just trying to pad that article out a bit? Black is…the new black. Black is a timeless standard. Black is as old as time itself when it comes to fashion, and to suddenly lessen its worth now (just to be controversial, probably) is ludicrous. But it’s okay, everyone, they tell us not to panic – bright lipstick is suggested to pick things up a bit – so us old women are allowed to wear black with garish lipstick. Thanks.

5: Maxi Dresses and Skirts

Y’know, the ones that go pretty much down to the floor (I’m explaining this for men). The author says these are unflattering. On the whole, this has been true for me. But I do have one very fitted maxi dress (it has to be fitted due to my small stature), and one maxi skirt – both of which I love. I don’t need any others. I’ve found the best, and I think I look good in them.

6: Over-Accessorising

Y’know, not too much jewellery and that. Agreed, I suppose. I never was one for much jewellery. I wear two sets of small earrings in my ears (a stud and a hoop) and my wedding and engagement ring – all white metal, never gold. Oh, and a watch. And I barely ever diversify. Mainly because I can’t be bothered to put it all on and take it all off again.

7: Athleisurewear

Oh no, I’m in athleisurewear…

That is, wearing athletic clothing when you’re not doing sport or not on the way to the gym. I am often on the way to the gym so I have every right to do so. But on a day-to day basis? I sort of concur (only sort of, sports clothing not worn for sport really doesn’t offend me). But I do like to throw on a hoodie when I can’t be arsed. And I have been known to stay in a pair of trackie-bottoms I’ve been lounging around the house in if I’m just picking up one of the kids by car, and nobody will see me (other than from the house to the car, and vice versa). I don’t know, this fashion advice all sounds a bit prescriptive to me.

8: Mini Skirts

16 inches, I checked.

Midi-style skirts and dresses are much more flattering, apparently. But it really depends what they mean by mini. I’m five-foot-three (and a half, last time I checked) and if I wear anything too long, I look like a librarian (and not a trendy one, a 1950’s one [apologies to my sister-in-law who is a librarian – but she is always the pinnacle of style]). So I like all my skirts to be approximately 15/16 inches long, which I feel is the most flattering length for me (not to look younger, but any longer or shorter just doesn’t do me any favours). Is that length classes as a mini skirt? I don’t know. That’s for the courts to decide (judicial courts, not the type of shoes).

9: Jersey Material

Crap! I’ve gone bodycon!

It’s the bodycon clinginess the author of this piece has an issue with here. We need to buy jersey material only if it’s ruched, apparently…or with extreme caution. But if you’ve got the figure (or even if you haven’t), so what? Number 9 is extremely sizeist.

10: Not Dressing for Your Shape

I’m pretty sure the article writer was just recycling and padding out the piece with this one – we’ve already discussed baggy clothing which hides your shape. I know, I know. Wear tailored clothing, yada-yada-yada. C’mon, this is just shoddy journalism.

11: Super-Long Hair

I hate to agree, but I do sort of agree. Hairdressers have been telling me for years that anyone over forty can’t really carry off very long hair. For me anyway, that’s true. My hair got thinner after having two kids, and if I grew it too long I wouldn’t be able to do a thing with it. But if you’ve got thick hair, then you go rock that look until whatever age you like.

12: An Ill-Fitting Bra (no picture required)

Stands to reason, really. Though I do maintain we should have the right to wear whatever the hell we bloody well like (and don’t wear a bra at all if you don’t want to).

13: Platform Heels

The author of this article says they’re ugly, if comfortable. She wants us all to wear pointy stilettos (thereby ruining our feet for life with misshapen toes, bunions, and corns). Well she can **** right off. I happen to like platform heels and chunky boots. Coz I’m small. Obvs. Of course, I do far prefer flats, but on the odd occasion when heels really are required, I’ll be in chunky/wedge ones. So there.

14: Fascinators

Really? How relevant are fascinators to everyday fashion? If you’re not going to Ascot or Epsom, this is a non-issue – a moot point. The writer says we shouldn’t wear them at weddings either, but I think the writer had run out of steam. I certainly had run out of patience after reading the entire article.

Although I begrudgingly admit that some of this advice in this piece I could possibly get on board with, I still couldn’t get past the fact that people really shouldn’t write articles telling women what to wear – just so they don’t look old. If I’m old, why shouldn’t I look it? Yes, I do dye my hair because of the greys (but that’s my choice), and dress in a more fitted and tailored way (because of said pygmy stature), but again, that’s just personal preference. If a woman in the same age bracket attired herself entirely differently, that would be okay too. We’re all built differently and we can all get away with different things. The fact remains an article like this would never have been written for a 40+ man. Since reaching the age of 40, I’ve dressed more flamboyantly than I ever did in my youth. Being this age just means you’re more comfortable in your own skin and care less about what society thinks – so I don’t need articles penned for me telling me what to wear. I already know what to wear. So, to coin a slightly overused phrase; you do you and I’ll do me.

NB: This was not a blatant excuse to post picture of me dressed in various different outfits, but the photos had to come from somewhere!

Age Appropriate I was reading an article the other day (probably more like six months ago, but I couldn’t be bothered to write a blog about it at the time), and it was titled, …

#adelearcher #adelearcherwrites #ageappropriate #blog #clothes #fashionmistakes #humour #overforty #style

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