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#Two hypertensive crises. a stomach issue that was affecting my heart that landed me in the ER for a second time this year
cosmiicfairy
·
2 years
Text
🗑
#i really hate what being in the hospital did to me
#The first hypertensive crisis i was scared but mostly okay. i stopped panicking after a week
#The second one? Okay now I'm lokwy freaking out and obsessively checking my blood pressure but i didn't go to the hospital
#The stomach probelms tbat sent me to the ER? that's what did me in
#Ever since that visit i have been so fucking hyper paranoid that i feel like i can barely function at times
#Every time something feels even /slightly/ off i start to panic and catastrophize what could be wrong
#I'm so scared of being sick and dying and I'm so scared of people not believing me and blaming my symptoms on anxiety
#Which might be true but i don't know
#i hate the way i can literally feel my heart beating and how every few minutes it feels like it's beating too fast
#I hate that I'm so aware of it when i never was before the adderall
#ii just want to be healthy but it's like every time i turn around for the last 6 months something else has been wrong
#Two hypertensive crises. a stomach issue that was affecting my heart that landed me in the ER for a second time this year
#Followed by two straight weeks of vertigo. an ear infection. and now possibly a uti or kidney infection
#that's not even diving into what's going on woth my teeth
#I'm so wound up and scared that i can barely do anything at all and I'm able to tell myself I'm fine but what if I'm not
#I've been doing everything possible lately to change my life around. I'm down nearly 20 pounds and yet month after month it's something new
#i don't know what to do. i don't have the money for doctors. i don't have the pto. i just want to be healthy why am i constantly sick
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