#Followed by two straight weeks of vertigo. an ear infection. and now possibly a uti or kidney infection

[cosmiicfairy]

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#i really hate what being in the hospital did to me #The first hypertensive crisis i was scared but mostly okay. i stopped panicking after a week #The second one? Okay now I'm lokwy freaking out and obsessively checking my blood pressure but i didn't go to the hospital #The stomach probelms tbat sent me to the ER? that's what did me in #Ever since that visit i have been so fucking hyper paranoid that i feel like i can barely function at times #Every time something feels even /slightly/ off i start to panic and catastrophize what could be wrong #I'm so scared of being sick and dying and I'm so scared of people not believing me and blaming my symptoms on anxiety #Which might be true but i don't know #i hate the way i can literally feel my heart beating and how every few minutes it feels like it's beating too fast #I hate that I'm so aware of it when i never was before the adderall #ii just want to be healthy but it's like every time i turn around for the last 6 months something else has been wrong #Two hypertensive crises. a stomach issue that was affecting my heart that landed me in the ER for a second time this year #Followed by two straight weeks of vertigo. an ear infection. and now possibly a uti or kidney infection #that's not even diving into what's going on woth my teeth #I'm so wound up and scared that i can barely do anything at all and I'm able to tell myself I'm fine but what if I'm not #I've been doing everything possible lately to change my life around. I'm down nearly 20 pounds and yet month after month it's something new #i don't know what to do. i don't have the money for doctors. i don't have the pto. i just want to be healthy why am i constantly sick