#Those pics are so dick shame pussy to the world

[natashasbitxh]

I'm a casual shrevor enjoyer so I thought somebody else would've made a post by now🥴

But they're so boyfriends, no?😭

#Also shayne looks like such a little guy #Those pics are so dick shame pussy to the world #smoshblr #shrevor #shipping #rpf #smosh ships

[lovelyrhink]

more R/J/L inspired by convos with @secondhand-watermelon ❤︎

rhett sends link a text message late at night and link responds immediately asking what's up rhett sends back a single photo of jessie stark naked and tied to the master bed, all spread open with a thick toy plugging her up and post-it on her tit that says "missing link"

OHHHHH FUCK

link sits up in bed and flees downstairs to the living room. christy remains sleeping

Oh baby don't stop

he and jessie and rhett have been having their own thing going on for a while now, independent of christy. she doesn't know that they hang out, sit up drinking wine together that jessie sits wedged between them. that she flirts like a maniac at both of them. they tease each other about being hot, and frisky, and sneaky. they like having their own throuple

That is just the epitome of my favorite rhink family dynamic

weeks ago, before quarantine, rhett and link went to rhett's house after work to hang out with jessie. it's so natural for them, and link loves being there. he loves having the mclaughlins over of course, but when he and rhett meet up with jessie... they sit too close. flirt too much. say things they shouldn't. and on the friday before california called shelter in place, jessie took things a little too far

I bet it feels so exciting like they're young and flirting with each other and not 40 and married

they'd been talking about the rhink fans thinking rhett and link are fucking. jessie jokes that they should be, that they'd like it. "everyone knows it," she says. "y'all should fuck." they laughed, but then jessie sipped her wine and her eyes went dark. "or kiss. right now." she leaned into them. "kiss each other, right now." link's sitting downstairs now, alone in the dark living room. it's past midnight and he's remembering the night, the kiss. and the other kiss.

OMG she's so confident and commanding I'm in love

link kissed rhett that night. and jessie. and he got hard, and breathed on her mouth that he wanted to fuck her. and he kissed her at midnight but went home at 12:03, leaving questions unanswered between the three of them link wants to fuck jessie. his whole body screams for her whether she's beside him and rhett or not. he thinks about her, thinks about rhett with her. so when he gets this text, link knows rhett's taken the first step. it's really happening. link's staring at the image. he hasn't responded. rhett's text bubble appears typing, then he sends: she wants you real bad, brother link's body shrieks with heat and his dick throbs where it pokes his pajamas

Oh God the breathing against her mouth. And then the use of the name brother I'm dead

I miss her, Link writes back he knows it's a game. they've acutely avoided not talking about their kiss. leaning into wanting jessie is a stepping stone towards wanting each other, and link wants it. but he can only sin in one way at a time and fucking his best friend's wife without the consent of his own is bad enough

DAMN they can only sin in one way at a time OOF

rhett texts back: she misses you. link writes: if we weren't separated right now, i'd be there with both of you rhett sends another photo. jessie's on her knees, ankles bound, wrists tied to the headboard. she's looking over her shoulder, and link can see everything. his mouth waters stop teasin' me, link texts. he can't breathe how much you wanna bet you're not touching yourself yet, rhett writes

What a Rhett thing to say I love it

link groans. he plants his feet on the carpet and shoves his hand down his pants he squeezes hard with his right hand and angles his camera phone with the other, snapping a photo of his tented pajamas and hand down his pants, groping somewhere rhett can't see it's fucking huge. lengthy she wants to grab your dick, says rhett link waits, can feel his heartbeat in his throat and his meat

It's the first dick pic that link has ever sent in his life

YEAH IT'S THE FIRST ONE and not even his bare dick

Jessie's attraction to him is so validating

link doesn't jerk, just holds it. waits and so do i, rhett adds

Rhett’s attraction to him is like nothing else in the world

link almost chokes on his body's reaction to that before he does something he regrets, he abandons the living room and runs outside, around the back of the house it's cold outside but his whole body is hot he kneels in the wet grass behind his house and fumbles with trembling fingers he calls rhett

//

Link goes around the side of the house under the open night sky after Rhett texts him that pic of Jessie because he’d rather be caught by the neighbors jerking off than have his wife overhear what he says through the phone He goes as far from his bedroom as he can, calls rhett and waits with shaky breaths. Squatted in the grass “Hey.” “Put your mouth on her.” Link hears a surprised soft whimpering and a fumbling. He hears Jessie call sweetly, “Hey baby, what’d he say- oh....” and Link goes hot as coals

omg more yay

He shoves one hand into his pants and grips the phone with the other, straining to hear the soft noises of Rhett’s tongue flicking her

He starts tugging himself in quick strokes as Rhett makes soft moaning sounds, and jessie joins him, and then link’s moaning, and he’s burning, and he needs to see it “Take a picture, Rhett,” he commands. “Then give the phone to J - Jessie.” Waves of arousal overcome him as he says their names with his hand in his PJ’s He waits, then looks to see the photo rhett sends Held out like a selfie but he’s not looking, beardy jaw and handsome profile, mouth buried in his wife Jessie’s so hot, the part of her body that shows. Her dark pubic hair and smooth olive skin. Link wants to touch her taut belly, her hips. Wants to shove rhett outta the way and get his tongue on her pinkness instead He puts it back to his ear and grunts through the phone, “fuck, looks so good. Jess, Jess, lemme- needa see him...” Another few photos. Some blurry, with Jessie’s finger in the shot Then a  “Sorry” and another one Crystal clear, Rhett’s mouth ‘tween her thighs, hands on her waist, green gray eyes looking right at Link Link makes a weird horny house and cries into the night, nearly dropping the phone It’s so fucking hot. He’s so fucking hot. Wants to be there, with both of them. Nobody knowing but them what Jessie tastes like, feels like Link trains his eyes on Rhett in the photo, blush stained cheeks. He jerks himself for a while, more sensitive, tingly and shameful than he’s ever been He gives them a moment, hearing Jessie’s hips grinding her pussy on Rhett’s mouth. Can hear the slick sounds, and Rhett’s muffled moans “I’m so close...” he whispers And it’s jessie who replies, phone now on her chest somewhere. Link can hear her hard breaths and her heartbeat if he imagines he can She groans, “gonna finish ya,” And a few seconds later Link gets a video Jessie’s thighs spread, one hand fisted in Rhett’s curls Rocking her hips up to meet Rhett’s mouth - and Rhett, moving. Flicking his tongue. Swiveling his head. Grunting, sucking. Seeing rhett like this - what he’s really like when licking Jessie deep - is more incredible than Link had ever imagined it, and she’s right - it finishes him He squeezes vicelike on his cock and trains his eyes on Rhett’s face, his quick pink mouth and handsome eyes - those eyes - Link sobs through the phone, “Rhett.....” and spills all over the wet grass  He slumps back against the house and breathes, listening to the remaining muffling moans through the phone “Yes, oh yesssss,” he hisses, hot stinging cock cooling in the night air. He hadn’t even remembered taking it out of his pants, he was so into it

F U C K. My car is reading this like an erotic audiobook

Link listens as Rhett finishes Jessie with his mouth, idly swirling a fingertip On his bellybutton as if he’s rubbing Jessie’s swollen, mouth-fucked clit All three of them make noises when Jessie comes, and Link burns so fiercely for the couple not 10 doors down

Oh what a beautiful image that is, Link in the moonlight fucked out and pretending like he's still a part of it He wants to be in their bed sad emoji

When the heat settles, Link aches for not having them there. The night air is cold around him, unforgiving truth, and the chill of alone sets into his bones. He whispers to the lovers on the line his thanks, and that he’ll talk to them soon, and hangs up quick as the guilt sets in He tucks his cock back into his Pajamas and stands on bare feet, trembling legs. He escapes his hideaway as if he’s not damp, muddy, and sweaty with lust, and returns to the house  Link turns off his phone and takes a late night shower. In the morning, when he turns his phone back on, the slutty photos remind him with the proof that it wasn’t merely a dream  The end

Fucking incredible You should post that

Yes ma’am

#for wren #more whatsapp smut #lemon #polyamory #mythical ot3

[peaches-of-1]

Day 9 | Eggnog

Yayeet. Merry Christmas!

Teacher!Reader x Principal!Jin

Warnings: Drinking, seduction, leash, collar, slight BDSM themes, Christmas innuendo, smut, no condom (presents are better wrapped), slight pregnancy kink, creampie, cuddles.

Includes sfw pics

It was a light snowfall your third year in Korea, just being a teacher as almost everyone in this room was. You weren’t great at Korean by any means, but that was “ok” because you taught English to middle schoolers using K-pop lyrics in your curriculum.

Either way, you had maybe…sort of fallen in love with the principal of that school. Kim Seokjin was such a handsome and kind man that had the best relationship with all the teachers, especially when they laughed at his dad jokes. However, you stuck out like a sore thumb.

Even for Korea, people said you dressed too conservatively. You liked to cover up, so what? Sweaters were nice and long dresses were comfy. Also, it made you feel like royalty everytime you had to lift it up in order not to trip on stairs.

Jin, though. He was so good at his job. The last day of classes, he even stopped by your room to see if you were coming to his Christmas party next week. You were, of course. You had the biggest crush on him and weren’t going to miss it for the world.

“I shall be coming to your party. Is there anything specific you would like me to bring Principal Kim?” You were packing up your bag after all the students were gone.

“Just a smile and maybe some food. Lots of it since Miss Han finally got pregnant and will need something to do other than drink.” He smiled and then went to the next room.

So it wasn’t just for you. Of course it wasn’t special. He was just being a great man.

Everybody was happy at the party, dressed in the various Christmas colors. Green, white, red. Well, except you. The sweater dress you were wearing had no decoration on it beside the naturally occuring knit pattern. You had thought it was a forest green, but it was just a faded black.

Not many of the other teachers were talking to you. Snow was falling down outside, so many of those arriving showed up with white flakes in their hair that they dusted off or ended up melting moments after coming into the warm apartment.

Miracles were happening all around tonight, what with one of the teachers getting proposed to by his longtime boyfriend. You couldn’t help but glance up at Jin who was cheering and congratulated the two men with an extra generous pour of cranberry wine and giving them a second bottle to take home.

This was the...third...fifth year you had been single in December. From afar you had loved him, but never let it show. Always watching. Never reaching, but…

This Christmas, you decided to risk it all. However, you were so afraid of doing so. You were planning to tell Kim Seokjin how you felt about him and would either drink in celebration by his side or alone on your couch. Maybe some of the matcha eggnog would calm your nerves.

So you got a new glass and stirred it with a peppermint stick. Jin didn’t have to say yes, but you really wanted him too.

“You’re the English teacher, right? Well, the one that everyone says dresses like a prude.” A young teacher’s assistant asked in one of those Sexy Santa dresses.

You turned around, “Um, uh, yes. And the one who brought the artichoke dip for everyone. I made...I uh, I made it myself.” was someone actually talking to you?

She bowed, “It is nice to meet you. I am Min Amy, and I help teach science.”

“I am Y/N. It is nice to meet you.” I bowed in return.

“So, how come you aren’t dressed as festively as everyone else?” Amy asked.

“It’s because I thought this was a dark green, but it’s not. I didn’t have proper lighting it seems.” You giggled nervously.

As Amy went on about her job and how she thought everyone was being too harsh on you, worried eyes went to the source of loud laughter. Jin was joking with a group of female teachers. He was probably secretly dating one of them, like those idols do. Jin was handsome enough to be an idol himself.

Your heart felt so blue that you decided not to do it. There was no way that you could. The green of the eggnog mixed with soju comforted your resignation. Soon enough, the party was over and you decided to at least help the principal to clean up after everyone. He was thankful and gave you a black trash bag to put all the cups.

“Silver Bells” played on the TV radio and it reminded you that mistletoe's for two.

Ok, fine. You downed the rest of a drink and used the false courage to act on your feelings.

Jin had gone into his bedroom for something, and you stood outside his bedroom door after taking off your sweater and putting your coat on over your lingerie. You weren’t thinking right, but you had to do this now. Then you knocked on the door.

He opened it, “Ah, are you already done? You seem ready to go.”

You shook your head and placed your hand on his chest, “I found a color, that only tells the truth, that paints a picture of how I feel for you.”

“Y/N, what are you talking about?” The black haired idol like man asked. “Are you singing Kelly Clarkson?”

You shoved him on the bed and his back hit the mattress. His confusion gave you time to straddle him and you took off your coat to slowly reveal the extra Christmas gift you got him.

“This Christmas, I'm gonna risk it all. This Christmas, I'm not afraid to fall.” You looked up at his white walls and then at his quickly reddening face.

Your body was covered in nothing more than the Sexiest of Santa outfits, red lingerie where the push up bra aspect of it was covered in white furry trim. There was also a red collar around your neck and a thin thong clinging to your ass.

“I like you, Jin-oppa.” You pouted and blushed while you looked at him. “I really really like you. I have ever since I started working at the school. Sorry for being so extreme, but there was no other way I could tell you so honestly about my feelings.”

He was only supposed to see this if he accepted them, but the alcohol made you jump the gun. Jin caught you off guard as he stood up and took you to the living room.

“Wh-what are you doing? Kim-nim?” You asked, trailing behind as he pulled your and and sat you on the couch.

“Stay there.” he went into the kitchen and came back with a cup of water. “Drink this. I’m not doing anything with a drunk teacher. Really, Y/N. I didn’t know there was this side of you.”

“K-Kim. Kim-nim. I’m sorry, I just--”

He put a finger on your lips and went back to his room. Wow, wow, wow, even though you were past tipsy, you knew that you’d be fired before New Year’s Day rolled around. He was probably looking up if you had tenure. The water and shame sobered you up rather quickly before the principal came back with...something in his hands.

“To be honest, Y/N. I have always dreamed of seeing you so naughty like this. Lift up your neck.” Jin said as he approached you in nothing but Christmas boxers where his cock was making the candy cane stand up.

You swallowed and did as told, letting him clip the leash to the ring on your collar. Then he leaned down to kiss you under the mistletoe before keeping the white dotted leaves in place and standing up straight. It was right above his--

“This is a special candy cane, make sure you suck on it super well.” He purred, turning you on more than any fantasy you had ever had about him.

Just the other night, you were telling yourself that you wouldn’t be able to feel him if you didn’t tell him how you felt. This Christmas, you weren’t the only one risking it all. With a tug of the leash, your nose was pressed against his hard mass, and you teased him by giving it kisses and letting yourself get more and more aroused. His crotch smelled like peppermint. Was it lube?

Either way, you began to suck on the fabric covered penis and heard a pleasurable hiss come from the man who was losing it rather quickly as he tossed the mistletoe aside and used his now free hand to grasp at your chest. 

“Now, let’s go back into the bedroom. That’s where you want to do this, right?”

You nodded eagerly, drool dripping from your mouth. Jin pulled the leash and told you to crawl all the way there. You followed his orders like the good little elf you were.

He closed the door behind him as you got comfortable on his bed. He grabbed a red and white festive bottle and told you to put your ass up. You got on all fours and raised your ass, allowing Jin to pull them down and place kisses on your cheeks followed by a firm slap. You didn’t know if that was supposed to turn you on, bit it did.

“Oh, Miss (Y/N), seeing such a conservative girl like you in such a position is driving me wild. Sorry for rushing, but I can’t take not fucking you like an animal any longer, but first, lube.”

He opened the cap and sweet peppermint filled the air. It was the lube! Heated lube that made you moan into his pillows as he covered your already wet dripping pussy in the solution. Jin then tossed it on the side and slid in with a moan.

When had he taken off his under--

“Ohhhh, fuccckkkkk.” Both of you moaned.

He had a tight grip on your leash, pulling you back for an angle that had you seeing star shaped tree toppers. You couldn’t control your moans at all. God, you were so loud! Even when playing by yourself and only dreaming of his dick, you could only manage shy whimpers.

“Y/N, oh, Y/N, you’re so naughty. I’ll have to use all my niceness to hope Santa forgives you.” He growled into your ear as he played with your clit.

“Yes! Oh, yes! Jin, oh good. Ahhhhhh~~~” You tried to cover your mouth because embarassment was starting to seep back in.

Principal Jin pushed you forward enough so that you would need your hands to keep yourself in position, “Nuh-uh, Miss Naughty Teacher. I want to hear you call out my name. I want to hear your desperate moans that sound sweeter than any jingle bells. Don’t deprive me of you any longer.”

A shiver went down your spine, and you nodded, “Yes, Jin.”

“Good girl,” he kissed your cheek and made a trail down your neck. “Now call me oppa like you did earlier.”

“O-oppa?”

Jin kissed your neck even more, egging you on.

“Oppa! Oppa! Jin-oppa, please fuck me. I’ve been so naughty!”

“As you wish.” The man used some discarded ribbon to tie your arms together and then got you in a position where your leg was over his broad shoulder.

Everyone always talked about how large they were, but never did you think you’d be interacting with them like this. Once, you had given them a massage right before finals because he was stressed about keeping the school’s ranking. Now you were the one getting your cervix massaged by his thick head.

“Do you think Santa would get mad if I came before he did?”

“Inside, inside. It’s ok.” You panted out.

Jin chuckled, “You wanna be pregnant like Miss Han? Hmm? I bet you’d look so cute with a round tummy. Think of, oooo, think of all the other teachers finding out you fucked the principal and are pregnant with his child. Fuck, I’m gonna come in your chimney!”

You giggled, “Fuck, I really love you.”

A sudden smile crossed the principal’s face as he kissed you deeply through his orgasm which triggered your own release all over his cock. Your insides were covered with Jin’s white snow.

“Oh wow.” He panted and then held you close. “Now that’s a Christmas gift.”

“Yeah, yeah it was.”

He giggled and kissed your cheek, “Do you really like me, Miss Y/N or did you just want a Christmas fuck?”

“I really like you, Kim-nim.”

“Good. I’m really happy that you do. Merry Christmas.”

You looked up at him with his eyes blown out from lust and smile on both of your faces, “Merry Christmas.”

#BTS #Bangtan #smutcentralnet #Kim Seokjin #Jin x Reader #Reader x Jin #Female!Reader #Teacher!Reader #Principal!Jin #alcohol cw #alcohol #Day 9 #12 Prompts of Christmas #9/12 #9 of 12 #smut #food #food mention

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: You up yet? Rio: 😴 Rio: Just about Buster: [sends her loads of pics from Nancy's camera roll cos my idea is she's still asleep and he stole her camera to look through] Rio: She got loads of good ones Rio: so sneaky with that 📸 Buster: And your good side Buster: Even after all those drinks Rio: All my sides are good 😘 Rio: I can handle my drink too, tah Buster: You did alright Rio: Shut up that you drank any more or was any less wobbly, like Buster: I did drink more though Buster: I know 'cause I was the one stealing 'em Rio: Well then that's just bad manners Rio: should be ashamed of yourself, McKenna Buster: Shame's for pussies Buster: I did what I did and I don't feel bad Rio: 😏 Rio: could at least pretend you're a little bit sorry for short changing me Buster: You obviously weren't if a second ago you were trying to argue that you drank as much as me Buster: You had a good night and you didn't miss out if that's what you reckon, like Rio: Whatever Rio: it was fun Buster: Yeah Rio: All things considered Rio: no one else was concerned about handling their drink, obvs Buster: Never are Rio: Not a party 'til someone makes a tit of themselves Buster: Who you gonna give the first prize too though? Rio: 🤔 Rio: be rude not to give it to birthday boy Buster: Too late to write it in his card but he can still have it Rio: Just what he wanted Rio: better than a 10 years over midlife crisis Buster: Mid life depends when you die Rio: You're giving him 100? Buster: 'Course Rio: Pop that in the card Rio: cute Buster: Stop calling me cute Rio: It's not you it's what you said Buster: 😏 Buster: I said it so it's me Rio: Fine then 🤐 Buster: Nice try Rio: 🙄 Buster: You gonna sulk for long 'cause I'm bored of being the only one awake here Rio: You gonna be nice to me Buster: If you're gonna take me somewhere good Rio: I'M not gonna do you dirty Rio: I have manners Buster: That's not really selling it to me, babe Buster: Make it sound fun, yeah? Rio: I don't need to sell it Rio: you're bored Buster: Come on Rio: You come on Rio: when have I ever let you down Buster: Do you want me to be nice or do you want me to answer that? Rio: I'm ignoring you Rio: be ready, I'll come to yours Buster: I am ready Buster: Not a fucking amateur Rio: You're gonna need to prove that Buster: How? Rio: If you're asking, then you definitely are an amateur Rio: You've got time to work something out Rio: gotta do breakfast Buster: I was doing manners Rio: What happened to fun? Buster: Cheers for admitting I'm right and you can't be polite and not boring Rio: You can't Rio: it doesn't suit you Buster: It don't suit you either Rio: Why not Buster: You know why not Buster: I'm not feeding you compliments for breakfast Rio: Now THAT is boring Rio: and mean Rio: 👎 Buster: You've got time to work for 'em Buster: Like I said, I'm no amateur, babe Rio: Does Nance wanna come? Buster: I don't know Buster: Do you want me to wake her up? Rio: Up to you Rio: I don't mind Buster: Will she wanna go? Wherever it is you're taking me Rio: Probably not Rio: I'll see if one of my 'rents will take them imaginosity or something Buster: Alright Rio: She'll like that more Buster: Yeah Buster: Junior'll probably be happier if she don't fuck off with us for ages as well Rio: Right, exactly Rio: they can be cute nerds Buster: They were 🤓s last night Rio: They missed each other Buster: Don't encourage 'em Rio: Don't be mean Rio: at least she was smiling, right Buster: I'll give you that Rio: Shame they can't hang more often Buster: It's not like she'll have to struggle to write him a letter like when granddad was a kid Rio: 😂 okay he's not that old Rio: still Rio: he's so shy Rio: be nice if he had someone Buster: Don't Buster: She better make friends like the few she had in Cambs Rio: What do you mean, don't Rio: I can't adopt her, calm down, like Buster: I mean don't make me think about how she might not Buster: All the shit that can go wrong Rio: She'll be alright Rio: she'll have the time to Buster: 'Course Rio: at least you're going at the start Rio: midway through is the worst Buster: Yeah, fuck that Rio: what are you wearing Rio: need to see if its sensible Buster: [selfie because of course he would] Rio: 👍 Buster: Show me yours Rio: Steady Rio: [but does 'cos was just a shameless excuse, like what you doing] Buster: I've figured it out Rio: You what Buster: I know where we're going Buster: But don't worry I'll look surprised when we get there Rio: How Rio: 🤔 Buster: Just that good Rio: Bollocks Rio: such a bullshitter Buster: Where did your manners go? Rio: If you're gonna lie, then all bets are off, like Buster: Sounds fun Rio: If that's how you want it Buster: How do you want it? Rio: Do you care? Buster: I asked, didn't I? Rio: Can play 20 questions later Buster: Yeah Buster: Can do whatever we want Rio: 🤞 Rio: That's how I want it Buster: Me too Rio: If anyone asks we're just going park yeah Buster: Nobody's gonna ask me Buster: Don't worry Rio: Get it Rio: even if they were up, already got the headache and mouth too dry to say much Buster: I don't wanna talk about them Rio: Okay Rio: got it Buster: The state of 'em last night was embarrassing Rio: Everyone was though Rio: and you know, no one's judging Buster: Yeah, everyone was but you still know what I mean Rio: yeah Rio: I'll make you forget about it Rio: you'll see Buster: If anyone can Rio: You can trust me Buster: I know Rio: Not just a useless 👸 waiting to be saved Buster: I know Rio: though having woodland creature pals or mice to do chores would be well helpful rn Buster: If you'd have said last night we could've caught some out by the bins Buster: Still, I'll see what I can do Rio: Could catch a lot out by those bins Rio: minging Buster: 'Course I'd risk it for you though 👸 Rio: My hero Rio: 😍🙄 Buster: You'd have to trust me too Rio: You know I do Buster: Probably not one of your better ideas Buster: But yeah Rio: You're the one who's anti being wrong Rio: I'll survive Buster: Good Rio: and how do you know trusting me ain't a bad one for you Buster: 'Cause I know you Rio: You're not that bad Rio: I told you, not scared of you Buster: And I told you, don't be Rio: I'm not Rio: you're Buster: Don't tell me Buster: I don't wanna hear what you think of me Rio: Are you scared? Buster: I'm not scared of anything Buster: Ever Rio: Then why don't you wanna hear Buster: 'Cause then I'll know Buster: Like it or not Rio: I don't know what I was going to say Rio: so you're safe Buster: You mean you're safe Rio: If you say so Buster: You are Buster: From whatever you might have said and no take backs Buster: I was never in any danger Rio: That'd be why you stopped me Rio: for my own sake Buster: 🤴 Rio: 🤖 Buster: If you say so Rio: mhm Buster: Come out with it then Rio: Why should I now Buster: You've got shit you're holding back Buster: Why should you? Rio: that's a joke Buster: Say it Rio: I'm on my way Buster: All the more reason Buster: You keep saying you ain't scared of me Buster: Prove you're not Rio: Not you I'm worried about Buster: Why are you worried at all? Rio: Don't be thick Buster: Don't say one thing and do another Rio: What? Buster: Tell me Rio: Why have you done a compete 180 Buster: I ain't done anything Rio: You said don't tell me, so I'm not Buster: And you didn't drop it when I said that Buster: So finish what you started Rio: you first Buster: Girls always go first Buster: I've got no manners and I know it Rio: No balls Rio: don't pussy out Buster: Fuck you Rio: Told you Rio: we never last long Buster: 'Cause you know all these languages and you still can't say fuck all to me Rio: because there ain't no language in the world where what I wanna say is fucking okay Rio: okay Buster: Fuck this world then Buster: We made our own when we were little anyway Rio: We aren't little anymore Rio: we can't just pretend we don't know better Buster: We can do whatever we want Buster: We both agreed to that before I even got here Rio: It's different when you're here Rio: harder when we're actually together Buster: So turn around Buster: Don't be coming to my door Rio: No Rio: come on, we can do what we've been doing Rio: don't need to spoil it Buster: You just said we can't Buster: Lucky if we last the day Rio: Of course we can Rio: we just need to leave it alone Buster: Fine Rio: It can be Rio: Please Rio: we can still have fun Buster: Fuck it Buster: You're on your way Rio: It would be rude to turn me away Rio: unbelievably bad manners Rio: and I could just be awkward and say I'm there to see Nance so Buster: You can see her if you want but you said you wanted to have fun so Buster: You'll have more of that with me Rio: I wanna see you Buster: Okay Rio: Mates? Rio: for the holidays, like Buster: Yeah Buster: Like old times Rio: Right Rio: I wonder what happened to that boy Buster: I wonder if he's played dares since Rio: Probably Rio: he was always up for it Buster: He didn't think we'd be up for it though Buster: Probably weirded him right out Rio: He shouldn't have said it Rio: clue is in the name, whole point of the game, like Buster: He'd been trying to get me to pussy out of playing for ages Buster: Don't you remember what a cunt he was? Rio: Oh, not really Rio: he was alright to me Rio: bit of a hanger-on type but other than that Buster: 'Course he was alright to you Rio: 'cos I'm not a lad Buster: 'Cause he is Rio: You used to reckon every lad fancied me Buster: They all did Buster: 🐸💋 Rio: 😂 Rio: he might've grown into his face Buster: We can use it for a punching bag Buster: Gotta start teaching you some time Rio: Awh, poor old whathisname Buster: I doubt you'll hurt him that bad, babe Rio: 😒 Rio: You wanna watch out Rio: my aim might be off Buster: I'm not ticklish, like Buster: I'll be fine Rio: Such a dick Rio: be your fault Rio: shit teacher, like Buster: I'll be a great teacher Buster: It don't mean I can give you power you ain't got Rio: Shut up, I'm not weak Buster: I didn't call you weak Buster: There's just no way you'd be able to knock me out Rio: Easy Rio: especially if you keep 'motivating' me like this Buster: What do you wanna bet? Buster: I'll let you try at the end of summer Rio: 🤔 Rio: what have you got that I want Buster: Tell me what you want and I'll get it Buster: If I don't already have it, which I probably do Rio: Alright, that's the bet Rio: I'll have thought of my prize by the end of summer Rio: you can do but don't dream too big 'cos it won't happen 💔 Buster: 😂 Buster: I'll make it easy for you and say you only have to knock me over not out Buster: Even with that fighting chance you won't win whatever you think you want Buster: So don't think too hard Rio: You can't cut corners, you still have to show me everything properly Rio: and at this rate, getting to punch you will be prize enough 👌 Buster: I'll teach you everything I know, exactly like I said I would Rio: Good Buster: We can start as soon as we get where we're going Rio: Can we? Rio: could be going to a library for all you know, boy Buster: For all I care Rio: 😏 Buster: Are you scared of librarians? Rio: Don't be stupid Rio: as if I'd actually take you to a library to try to distract you Buster: You could distract me anywhere Buster: But cheers for not picking a library, babe Rio: Challenge accepted on that one too Buster: It's not a challenge Rio: Come let me in Buster: [does or rather let's himself out cos no need to stay around the baze gaff] Rio: [run kids run 'fore anyone can think to stop you, like] Buster: [he should give her a matchbox with some kind of bug creature in that he caught cos 👸 and she said she wanted one lol] Rio: [that's so cute, bye, just getting some grass and dandelions and putting it in there like let's ride] Buster: [I hope it's not a gross bug lol but yeah I thought it's a good way to show they are still little like] Rio: [she wouldn't be eww about it so its fine, Ali is her mum, just taking his hand so they can run to the nearest dart thing] Buster: [we see you handholding when you don't need to and we stan] Rio: [at least you don't have the longest bus ride ever, the dedication that she got here thanks lol] Buster: [I never even thought about that like omg boy she must really love you she's literally a child and she did that early af in the day after a night of it] Rio: [thanks for not kidnapping her everyone lmao] Buster: [when I had my 1st hangover at 10 I was literally in bed all the next day like] Rio: [my boo say not for you sir] Buster: [only for you my waffle wife] Rio: ['you had breakfast?'] Buster: [looks at her like don't be stupid because 🤴s don't make their own breakfast and 10 year old boys who don't give a fuck clearly don't so no he has not lol] Rio: ['we can get pancakes' height of excitement live your best also a throw forward to when you go get breakfast in London] Buster: [remember when he made her crepes though and it was sexual as hell] Rio: [omg yes I do, that's like soon I think they were 12? something like that I'm sure, all I'm saying is you do a terrible job of ignoring each other] Buster: [god bless but in the now he'd be buzzing cos she's just treating him normal which his friends and Nancy aren't] Rio: [just chatting about all the things she's gonna get on her pancakes like when you're a kid and you go ham on the pizza hut ice cream and it's unedible] Buster: [omg yes such a mood and it'd lowkey turn competitive cos he's a boy who needs to flex like I'm gonna get this and this] Rio: [just loling when it gets outta hand] Buster: [we all loling and having a fun time cos deserved soz for not letting you 3rd wheel Nance but also not soz] Rio: [we all know that was shameless like no no you go do this instead, everyone catch yourselves on so blatant] Buster: [literally what are all of you playing at we can excuse baze for obvs reasons and cali cos 10 kids but the rest of y'all step it up tbh] Rio: [at least she'd know all the swag food places in town even now, should be like a cereal cafe vibe so they really can go ham with toppings, also probably there so off you get 'cos baze are pretty central] Buster: [yaaaaas open the door for her boy and help her out cos she's smol you gotta] Rio: [does a lil curtsey 'cos running with this 👸🤴 mood] Buster: [opening the door to the place too and pulling her chair out etc cos likewise] Rio: [imagine working there you'd be like aww, hence the waitress should give them a freebie or something and be nice af] Buster: [Why am I emosh about a fictional waitress shipping them bye] Buster: [omg they should go back and take saint as a bub and she can still be there] Rio: [AWH] Buster: [they'd be on such a sugar high rn it'd be adorable] Rio: [fight off any sign of a hangover with sugar] Buster: [they are gonna crash so hard later] Rio: [😴] Buster: [that could be so cute though if they do together and a nice flashforward to when they did when he was wrecked in a couple of years] Rio: [hit all those feels] Buster: [for now go and window shop for a bit until you actually go in somewhere swag and she tries something on and comes out and shows him even though she doesn't need to and you die boy and hit her with all them compliments so she can die too] Rio: [a moment, no hiding that lads] Buster: [shame she can't take a selfie in that 🔥 lewk for him to pine over later but they are meant to be at the park] Rio: [I mean she can take one but you can't realy ask for it unless you wanna be that obvious lmao] Buster: [unless she's sneaky and posts it but after the fact like only they know it happened then idk] Rio: [always an option, not like anyone is checked in appaz ] Buster: [that's the tea] Buster: [we could also let them actually go to the park later like maybe they get picked up from there so it looks legit but while they are there he can start to teach her how to 🥊 too so] Rio: [yas, we know it's gonna be inte nse and a moment so] Buster: [and they can take loads of cute selfies together so it looks like they've been there all day but really also just cos they wanna] Rio: [#shameless] Buster: [just look everyone we're so trustworthy don't worry about us bye] Rio: [let us go out more thank you] Buster: [do we wanna skip to later like maybe when they in the car on the way home #sneaky or is there any more we wanna say/do that happened?] Rio: [I reckon that's lots of moments for one day, I'm good to skip] Buster: [who should we say is picking them up and if it's Cali who else is in the car kid wise is my question lol] Rio: [probably cali, assuming everyone else is too fragile from last night, they could be taking Nancy home as well from whatever they went and did in the end, then probably the toddler aged ones 'cos extra and love to be involved so maybe Pablo, Grace and Janis like hello! lol] Buster: [sounds real when you're just in the car putting up pics of the girl you love and trying not to be too extra with your captions like] Rio: [better chat to Nancy gurl since you shamelessly uninvited her so guilty but no regrets really] Buster: [Nancy should ask if she can stay over at their house and Buster just like 👀 waiting to see if Cali will say yes cos shamelessly wants her to] Rio: [they'd probably umm and ahh 'cos the baze situation but I say they should ask baze when they get there and they'd say yes 'cos she's a helpful bitch and distract the kids tah] Buster: [Buster would be so buzzing cos he didn't have to ask her to stay but she still is] Rio: [just like love it when a plan comes together, a shameless look at him like yas] Buster: Not gonna stop being a 👸 if we stay up all night, are you? Rio: Oi, I suit green Rio: just watch your da's car don't turn into a 🎃 Buster: I know you do Buster: He don't suit red as well as me though and he'd be 😡 if anything happened to his car Rio: 😂 Rio: call in a favour with my fairy godmother and 🤞 Buster: Depends how distracted we need him to be later on Buster: So don't yet Rio: Imagine how weird he'd look if we shaved his eyebrows off Buster: [actually lols like excuse him everybody] Rio: [😏 but also telling the kids some joke 'cos you know they'd be like WHAT WHAT] Buster: [just looking at her back like 😏 cos she swagged it] Rio: What have you actually got in mind then Buster: Don't you like surprises? Rio: Sometimes Rio: not if you're coming for my eyebrows or something though Buster: You can trust me Buster: I won't touch your eyebrows Rio: Alright Rio: then I'll pretend to be surprised Buster: You're gonna be surprised for real Buster: Wait and see Rio: I'll try Buster: You don't have to when I'm putting in the effort for you Rio: Try and wait Rio: I mean Buster: You won't have to wait that long Buster: Nance can never stay up as late as me Rio: Don't being SO busy make you SO tired too, like Buster: Sometimes Buster: But being around you wakes me back up Rio: I feel that too Rio: not just all the sugar we had either Buster: There's so much left we've gotta do before summer ends Buster: And I've gotta do it all with you Rio: We will Rio: got ages, it'll be the best Rio: we can do something every day, like Buster: Let's go to the beach soon Rio: Yeah Rio: do you reckon we could get there and back without getting caught or Buster: 'Course Buster: It'll be easy Rio: Then we won't need to bring all the others Buster: It'll be loads better if it's just us Buster: One day I'm gonna have my own private beach but you can come Buster: 'Cause you're my best friend Rio: Promise now so you can't change your mind Buster: [does an IRL pinky promise lil link up of their fingers there and then excuse him everyone] Rio: [so buzzing] Rio: I'll cheer for you at matches then Buster: Yeah? Buster: Only when we're older and I'm richer or now too? Rio: Now too Rio: but I'll have to come visit your new house for that Buster: You will Rio: Good Rio: I wanna see your new rooms too Buster: Nance's will probably be boring Buster: Mine won't Rio: What colour are you gonna do Buster: Blue Rio: That'll look sick Rio: I hope when we come back for good, I get to do my room how I want it Buster: Will you get to have your own? Rio: I think so Rio: there's lots of rooms they just need sorting Buster: I'll help you 💪 Rio: then you can stay over ours Buster: Yeah Buster: It's a really short flight, I'm gonna come back whenever I want Rio: Do Rio: I almost forgot how much fun it is Rio: having you around Buster: I'm not letting you forget again Buster: Not even almost Rio: That's alright with me Rio: I don't wanna Buster: Good Buster: 'Cause I want us to stay best friends, okay? Buster: Forever Rio: and ever and ever Rio: no fairytale shit, I mean it Buster: So do I Buster: [giving her a look so she knows he does cos we all know what besties is code for here] Rio: [when you're so 😳 but also 😊 Nancy like hello???] Rio: We should find the scariest film we can tonight Buster: Definitely Buster: Just don't let Nance pick Rio: Will she be too 😱? Buster: Probably not Buster: Her taste is shitter than mine though Buster: Last film she chose had more subtitles than plot Rio: Such a cute nerd Rio: but summer = no homework so Rio: 👎 Soz babe Buster: 😏 Buster: I'll always be your fave now Rio: See what she's gonna over by way of private beaches and shit first Buster: She needs people to 📷 privacy ain't really gonna be on offer, like Rio: Unless she wants to take those kind of photos Buster: It's Nance Rio: True Buster: [chat to your sister boy cos you love her really] Rio: [lbr gonna need to entertain yours they'd be peak annoying] Buster: [oh lord Grace especially] Rio: [a 3 year old with no chill] Buster: [get them out of that car ASAP Cali step on it] Rio: can we get pizza Buster: Yeah Rio: 😁 Buster: But we're getting our own 'cause Nance won't grow the fuck up and stop being a vegetarian Rio: 😂 Rio: you can get whatever Rio: I'm not fussy Buster: You have to get what you want too Rio: Alright Rio: [sneaky looks forever] Buster: Good Buster: [such a look bye] Rio: Maybe we can all sleep in the lounge Buster: When did you start having properly good ideas? Buster: Just today like? Rio: Um always Rio: you just haven't been paying attention Buster: [another look cos we know he has] Rio: [look like well then] Buster: Smallest goes in the middle Rio: You definitely just made that up Buster: It makes sense if I did or I didn't Buster: You just don't need as much space, babe Rio: Just don't hog the covers Buster: I've already taught you enough 🥊 to stop me Rio: 😏 Rio: would keep us warm Buster: And a 👸 shouldn't ever be cold Rio: Practically a beheading offense, that Buster: Exactly Buster: And I'm not allowed to die yet Rio: Never Buster: [does another pinky promise like it's so casual] Rio: Will accept faux fur though Rio: don't have to murder any mink for me Buster: Well now your birthday present ain't gonna be a surprise Rio: 😂 Rio: my parents would probably throw paint at me, like so tah Buster: No animals have died, I'll make sure they know Rio: so considerate Buster: 🤴s have gotta be Buster: It's written in Rio: and best friends Rio: what are you gonna do for your birthday Buster: I don't know Buster: We were gonna go on holiday but mum and dad might say no now Rio: Maybe by then they'll be up for it again Buster: Me and Nance can't agree where to go anyway Rio: Typical Rio: where do you wanna go? Buster: She never wants to do anything I wanna do Buster: I've suggested loads of shit like scuba diving or surfing or skiing Rio: Maybe compromise Rio: there will be places where you can be doing that and she can do what she wants as well Buster: Do you wanna come? Rio: Your parents aren't gonna take me with yous Buster: They will if I say I want you to Rio: What if by then you have a new London best friend you'd rather take Buster: I'll probably have new friends but none I like as much as you Rio: okay, ask them Rio: when you know if you're going or not Rio: and I'll ask mine if they'll let me Buster: Alright Rio: [let you get out this car now like byeeee] Buster: [get in that house and fight over what pizza you want lads] Rio: [live your best sleepover lives, Nancy somehow oblivious to the vibe god bless] Buster: [love that oblivious lesbian] Rio: [wanna skip to later when Nancy is asleep or is there anything else?] Buster: [I think we can cos we know what the vibe is] Rio: Are you awake? Buster: Are you ready to be surprised? Rio: Go on Buster: [okay so my idea is baze have a hot tub in their dublin house but like he's made it cute/like a little beach vibe because who knows when they'll actually get to go and like sneakily set it up while she was distracted doing whatever with Nance over the course of this sleepover in dribs and drabs and like made cocktails for them as best as a little kid can and decorated and shit] Buster: Come on Rio: [That's the cutest shit I've ever heard like #overwhelmed does not begin to describe] Buster: [just looking at her like are you surprised/do you like it] Rio: [when you're like how do I avoid kissing you right now tbh] Buster: [forever the mood] Buster: [drink your drink girl it's okay] Rio: ['How'd you- WHEN did you-'] Buster: [😏 cos so proud of himself rn for being so #sneaky] Rio: [having to give him a massive hug 'cos that happy 'This is so cool, Buster'] Buster: [hugging her back way longer than you need to because we're hiding behind friendship so hard atm and we all know he wants to kiss her as much as she wants to kiss him] Rio: [make it more tense by literally getting in a hot tub like not calling you fat babe but Nancy's costume isn't gonna fit you right] Buster: [but it's that or getting in with your pjs on like this is all the boys I've loved before and risking them going see through] Rio: [ooh yeah I mean, an option] Buster: [and frankly a mood]                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       nb Rio: [doing it, 'cos then you'll have to find her a t-shirt or something like] Buster: [casual moment under towels and blankets because oh no we didn't think that through or did we and now you're gonna have to wear my clothes what a casual situation] Rio: [honestly like okay do you both wanna die or] Buster: [we're so evil] Buster: [at least the drinks would be good cos he copied what he's seen baze do] Rio: [apart from the undeniable sexual tension, they'd be having a great time] Buster: [a hot tub is the literal best when you're a child that's the tea] Rio: [and now] Buster: [tbh] Buster: [don't get too carried away splashing etc and wake anyone up though like] Rio: [got to be so sneaky rn] Buster: [so many secrets for so many years bye] Rio: [have fun with that] Buster: [live your best lives while you can kiddos] Rio: [oh I was thinking she should've got him something touristy and stereotypically irish in town like a teddy and imma just put that on his bed space] Buster: [why am I so emosh about them as kids rn like calm down me] Buster: [it should have an irish football kit on or something cos that sporty bitch he is] Rio: [deffo or rugby, they're good at that] Buster: [yasss] Rio: know he's not blue but Buster: I'll still find a place for him Buster: Don't worry Rio: You can put him away, it's alright Rio: just a bit of Dubo to take with you Buster: I wanna see him every day if I can't see you Rio: I'm gonna miss you so much Buster: I'll miss you too Rio: shame I can't convince my parents they need to move to London next, eh Buster: Or I can't convince mine to just stay here Rio: should've got them something from the giftshop too Buster: I'm glad you only got something for me though Rio: I had a good day with you, not them so Buster: I won't tell Nance Rio: Good Rio: she'd be so jealous, obvs 😏 Buster: 'Course Rio: I'm glad the surprise was just for me too Buster: This whole summer is for you Rio: I'll take it Buster: I'm giving it to you Buster: Like it or not Rio: I want it Rio: you know that Buster: Yeah Rio: [thank god those 😍 are hidden in the dark now] Buster: [saving yourselves because he'd be wearing his too so] Rio: what else do you wanna do Buster: We have to go tourist watching of course Buster: See how they compare to the London ones soon enough, like Rio: I reckon the Dubo ones have more craic but are well more offensive with the stereotypes, like Buster: They can't wait to tell you all about their Irish blood even if they don't have any Buster: None of the tourists in the capital are trying to call themselves cockney Rio: Exactly Rio: still, wherever they are, you can tell the yanks a load of bullshit and they'll buy it Buster: Sell 'em a load of bullshit and they'll buy it as well Buster: But speaking of Irish blood I've thought of the best dare for you Rio: What? Buster: I dare you to dive off the rocks at the forty foot Buster: [basically it's this famous outdoor swimming spot year round that's lowkey a bit dangerous but nearby enough they could easily get there and therefore had to] Rio: Alright Rio: I'm down Buster: You have to do it properly Buster: Don't just jump in the water Buster: It don't count as a dare done if you don't go off the rocks Rio: I know Rio: I'll do it, not chicken Buster: I know Rio: We'll have to go when there's not loads and loads people about Rio: I'm very cute and saveable Buster: You don't need saving Buster: But if you did, I'll do it Rio: Tell that to concerned/nosy adults 🙄 Buster: I will Buster: [gets closer to her without even meaning to do it because] Rio: [a really quiet 'hey' 'cos don't be waking Nancy up] Buster: [just looking at her in the dark like 👀 how did I get this close oops] Rio: [a lowkey staring contest rn] Buster: [saying her name really quietly like] Rio: [makes a tiny noise that's somewhere between oh and a whimper] Buster: [let's say they hear a noise which could be outside or upstairs but it's enough to cockblock him from kissing her cos must be done since he'd be literally so close to her by now] Rio: [dramatically pretending to be asleep the way you do as a kid 'til the coast is clear but the moment is gone] Buster: [thanks foxes or whatever the fuck] Rio: [just laying there like well, shit] Buster: [you know he'd get up cos FUMING that I've cockblocked him when he was leaning so far in that there's no pretending that anything else was about to happen] Rio: [when you know there was a noise but you're still like oh no, I fucked that up] Buster: [All I can imagine is him getting his shit and going to his room because he is that dramatic] Rio: Night then Buster: Yeah Rio: yeah Buster: [isn't being quiet or chill rn soz everyone] Rio: You're gonna wake them up Rio: what do you need Buster: Unlikely Buster: When they sleep it's really hard to wake 'em Buster: These days Rio: Not a challenge though Buster: Can be Buster: If you want Rio: Not the best idea you've ever had Buster: It was your turn to have 'em Buster: For today Rio: Then listen to me, like Buster: Don't tell me what to do in my own house, like Rio: Alright Buster: I can do whatever I want Buster: [no you can't boy and that's the problem lol lol lol] Rio: And why do you wanna Buster: I can't sleep why should they all get to? Rio: Does it make you feel more normal again Rio: if they're shouting at you Buster: Shut up Rio: That would make sense, is all Buster: Don't make sense of me Rio: Why? Buster: You're not smarter than me, I don't need you to Rio: Who said I'm doing it for you Buster: You're saying it to me Buster: Like you know something I don't Rio: I just asked you why Buster: You're talking about making things normal as if I could Buster: But however loud I am there's meant to be a crying baby keeping everyone up Rio: That doesn't mean you wouldn't try Rio: still Buster: They shouldn't be sleeping Buster: None of us should be Rio: What do you want to do Buster: There's fuck all I can do Rio: What are you going to do Buster: I don't know Rio: You don't have to figure it out tonight Buster: Cheers Rio: You want them to wake up Buster: Why are we playing twenty questions all of a fucking sudden? Rio: Not a question Rio: wake 'em up Rio: but they're not gonna make it better like you want Rio: parents are very disapointing Buster: There ain't no making it better Buster: Even you can't Buster: I only forgot for a day Buster: [lowkey trashing his room cos angry and sad and remember when he did before and she was there then as well how poetic] Rio: [emotions] Rio: You can't forget about him Buster: It doesn't matter if I can't, I still have to Rio: That don't work Buster: You don't know that it won't Rio: It's impossible Buster: Nothing's impossible for me Rio: Until it is and now what Buster: You're wrong Rio: Wish I was Buster: You are Rio: You wouldn't be up there trashing your room if I was Buster: Fuck off Buster: It's your fault Rio: Yeah? Buster: Yeah Rio: That's alright then Rio: easily solved Buster: You can't make me forget everything and then tell me it's a stupid idea Buster: Make me happy and then make me angry Rio: It isn't a stupid idea Rio: you aren't forgetting you're just carrying on Buster: It's the same thing Rio: I'm not trying to make you angry Buster: I know Rio: are you okay Rio: like, you aren't hurt or anything Buster: [comes back down cos he's not gonna sleep in that carnage but just sitting on the stairs like well this is fine] Rio: [nods her head in the direction of their sleeping situation and gets up 'I'll go in Nancy's room'] Buster: [comes over to her because wants to be close to her always 'Don't'] Rio: [casually checking him over but also handily not making eye contact 'cos can't 'you have to sleep'] Buster: [just making her lie back down and snuggling her because shameless] Rio: [allowing herself to get there 'cos he clearly needs to 'Buster, I just-' but shaking her head 'it won't happen again, okay'] Buster: [holding onto her like his life depends on it 'okay, it won't happen again' very convincing boy well done] Rio: [just stroking his hair] Buster: [calming down as she does 'Sorry'] Rio: [shhing him gently] Buster: [is he crying or isn't he, there's no way to know] Rio: [just telling him he's alright over and over] Buster: ['I didn't mean it, it's not your fault'] Rio: ['They can be two separate issues, it's not important'] Buster: ['it is to me and you are to me, don't fuck off, I don't want you to'] Rio: [holds him tighter like I'm still here] Buster: [literally just wrapped around each other by this point] Rio: ['I'm sorry too'] Buster: ['You ain't allowed to be 'cause you didn't do anything' but his voice is soft not his confrontational one] Rio: [shakes head 'cause we both know what almost happened but not putting words to that right now] Buster: [holds her tighter like I mean it 'cause blaming himself entirely for that as well since he was the one doing all that leaning] Rio: ['we didn't even get caught, it's so fine' kinda giving away that you don't regret it there but shh] Buster: ['we won't get caught going to the beach or the forty foot either, it'll be the best summer, I promise' just like I love you and I won't ruin this haha] Rio: [reaching out to pinky promise again] Buster: [doing it while we can cos Buster is gonna be a dickhead soon and outgrow being this cute egg RIP] Rio: [rip rip, also realised its edies bday on the 10th btw] Buster: [OMG I forgot how old is she gonna be?] Rio: [7] Buster: [should we let them snooze or is there any more feels we wanna inflict on ourselves?] Rio: [Hmm, probably sleep or this could get outta hand so easily lol] Buster: [Good point]

[onehomeearth]

Parallel reality

Take a bite and eat all my insights.

Will things ever change? laughing at my pain.

The world is dark and gloomy.

Humans are the only specie I see living with this absurdity.

The world is dying. Will you save it? Will you save it this time?

Imagine if we put people behind bars for committing ecocide.

Even the judge would be pleaded guilty to this crime.

Is anyone out there? Who is sane and haven't made it's existence plague with its carbon weight.

Non-human species still thrives the planet with their existence.

Humans are found to be only monsters on this bane.

Humans, you better stay in prison. Let's not ruin it more with your adulteration.

The world is not the same. This is a different reality. So I welcome you in this insanity, wearing a mask of of social acceptance and legality.

The tables have turned around and..

Tigers will eat you, artificially inseminate you, and you won't be able to shoot them in the head. They've taken over your reign.

Tigers are breeding your existence in trillions. Your value comes in the form of a product to be sold in the market because you are the food this time.

Since the holocaust has turned on you. Of course, you won't complain because the circle of life is what are your claims to justify this game.

Are you screaming in pain? Are you begging for your life?

Hold on a second, tigers don't give a fuck. They just know how to ostracize.

Do you really wanna exist? Exist for what? You don't even speak tigers language.

If tigers stopped exploiting humans. You will overpopulate the earth and invade their homes.

Anyways, humans are weak and lack cognitive intelligence to function.

They have stupid rules and keep bullying each other. They shame the skin which is bare for a naked eye to stare at.

They'll be better off nude like us. At least, then guys won't feel compelled to send dick pics to their opposite sex.

Hence proved, humans are a dumb shit.

They exist here to serve us

Human agriculture industry: Please keep it under the sheets, we are the reason why humans breed. And we won't stop this creed since we solely exist for monetary greed.

Stop screaming in pain, and begging for your life.

Humans are merely a product.

Being brought into existence to be fucked by us.

Tigers hunger is at stake. And we can't let our GDP go in stutters. C'mon, Don't be a pussy now you human.

We don't hate you, humans. We just know you are better off in gas chambers.

Your torture and suffering is important for our economic engine. We must grind you in large machines and sell your sausages for the sake of our tiger humanity.

Carnist tiger: Be kind. spread love.

Walk-in love, walk free

Peace and love.

Let tigers eat what they want.

Live and let live.

Vegan tiger: Why you can't leave the humans fuck alone?

Carnist Tiger: What we will do about those trillions of humans who are forcefully brought into existence each year by us. If we stopped consuming our sins.

We can't let such valuable potential human leather, meat, milk, ice-creams, chocolates, bags, etc go to waste.

And human zoos are the best of our ace.

We have literally every variety there.

From black to white is such an amazing sight.

It brings us such a joy to see humans roaming in cages for the rest of their lives.

We put pictures with them on our socials to get likes and fellow tigers call humans under the comment section "How cute" in disguise

Tho we play abusers, covering with every human-dog and human-cat we buy from the same abusive industry.

The truth we pet certain human species to fill the void in our lives.

We will keep breeding them to exploit. It's our fucking choice

Mind your own business and let me eat my human bacon in peace.

Here you are humans fighting for your survival in cages. Being force-fed or deprived of food and water. Existing just to be slaughtered in some days.

Can't they eat something else? you scream from a distance.

Meat is the only source of protein carnist tiger says. Poor tiger will suffer deficiencies if they won't feed on humans meat and their milk, the milk intended for a baby human in the first place.

Tiger's health is important over the life of a human. So let humans die and tigers do whatever they like.

Stop forcing your food choices on carnist tigers, You stupid vegan tigers. Go get a real job. Instead of telling tigers, what they should eat. It's a free country, tigers can eat whatever they want. Don't turn this world into a dictatorship.

Immature Conversation Phase

Vegan tigers: But seriously tigers. Why would you cause so much un -unnecessary suffering?

In the end, it is also destroying our existence. Why you wanna contribute to global warming?

When you can eat a thousand different varieties of nuts, seeds, legumes, grain, fruits, veggies, herbs, etc. Without any deficiency, we promise.

You can live a healthy life without causing unnecessary suffering and pain.

Carnist Tiger: Because humans eat meat.

Vegan tiger: But we are the evolved and civilized specie, right?

Carnist Tiger: But plants feel pain.

Vegan tiger: Humans are born on this earth just like us. The plant grow from this earth and they are not build to feel pain...

Carnist tiger: but, humans eat meat too.

Vegan Tigers: Why you don't wear clothes and bully fellow tiger for no fucking reason? Just like the human specie... Why do I feel like we are going in circles?

Carnist Tiger: They are extremely uncivilized and dumb to be wearing clothes and being an asshole to each other is not our style. We have evolved.

And there are no çircles just one straight line, the earth is flat.

Let's not forget plants also feel pain. OKAY? Okay.

(Well tho, we need trigger warning before watching every slaughterhouse footage and would happily watch veggies being harvested inside the food forest)

Vegan Tiger: plants are a living organism and respond to stimuli but that does not mean they are capable of feeling pain.

They lack a nervous system and don't have brains. And even if you wanna justify exploiting humans using the analogy of "plants feel pain." You consume more plants when you exploit humans because humans are fed plan..

Carnist Tiger: BLOCKED FOR LIFE

Vegan Tiger: if you care about plants then please don't consume them either and die of starvation.

Ever heard of any organization on earth promoting ethical treatment of plants?

Ever heard of a phrase called plant cruelty?

Ever heard of any policies promoting plant welfare?

Because plants don't feel pain. Period.

I hate you. I hate this world.

Blocking me won't solve climate change.

Vegan tiger: (Cries in front of the mirror for two hours in a row)

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

I sexted with a robot, and so should you

At first blush, getting horny with a bot over text doesn't sound like the most intuitive way of spicing up your sex life. But online sex coaching app and SMS service Juicebox believes it can do just that for users through the newly released Slutbot.

The free chatbot — which you can start sexting right now by sending “slutbot” to 415-650-0395 — is designed to get you more comfortable with dirty talk. And ideally, to spark a thirst you'd never felt comfortable exploring before.

Slutbot was born out of the most common request the Juicebox team received from users of their iOS app: How do you dirty talk? And while it may be a little limited in its capabilities, it doesn't detract from what Slutbot can do for sexting newbies.

"After we got the request repeatedly over several months, it shed light on the fact that, really, what people struggle with in terms of sex and sexuality is communication," Brianna Rader, Juicebox CEO and founder, told us over the phone. "People often don't have the language to express their desires. They don't have the skills. And at Juicebox we believe that the best way to learn is to just do it."

SEE ALSO: A survival guide to dick pics (both solicited and unsolicited)

Despite the fact that research estimates roughly half of adults sext, there's still a lot of anxiety around doing it "well." But the dirty talk tips you'd get from, say, Cosmo feel like an antiquated, ineffectual way to bridge the gap between people's interests and nervousness.

So Juicebox collaborated with erotica writers and sex coaches to make a NSFW chatbot that allows users to explore sexting in a safe space with low stakes. 

"Intimacy isn't just about the physical sex act. It's about sharing your whole self and sharing what your truth is. And dirty talk is a great way to do that. Having your desires feel accepted can create amazingly powerful sexual experiences," said Rader. "But if you can't share your desires, you're really holding yourself back."

That's why Slutbot offers a "Slow & Sensual" or "Hot & Heavy" path, depending on your baseline comfort.  

The first in-house version was all-around a bit more intense and aggressive. But through testing, Juicebox implemented more beginner-friendly failsafes like the "Slow & Sensual" setting, or changing most mentions of genitalia to emoji.

"Sometimes we can forget that people are in totally different places when it comes to dealing with sexual shame," said Rader. "People who've never sexted before might just not want to read the word 'pussy.'"

Rader, who identifies as a queer female, also embedded inclusivity and consent into Slutbot's design. Before you even get hot and heavy, Slutbot lets you pick from six different paths based on gender and sexual orientation, including heterosexual, lesbian, gay, or non-binary configurations.

Slutbot does not mess around, but also very much messes around.

Image: juicebox

There's always a safe word, too, so you can back out at any time. The team worked with linguists to create a comprehensive list of negative words and phrases that tell Slutbot to back off. It also takes the opportunity to show users how to say "no" without throwing off the flow. If you use derogatory names with Slutbot like “bitch” or “whore,” for example, it'll say that those words aren't really their thing, preferring anything from babe to slut.

Consent is also established in every individual message. So when Slutbot slides into your DMs with an erotic situation, it'll always throw it back to you after with a question about how you liked it.

"The question format is an important way to model consent, and to show how consent is a great way to have dirty talk," said Rader. "It also gives the user a chance to practice. You're not just a passive receiver. We're trying to make the user practice using their own language too."

Your response to the situation takes you down a variety of different paths. If you respond enthusiastically to some light BDSM, for example, you can unlock some temperature play (i.e. naughty adventures with ice). 

Rader even suggested trying different sexual orientations than your usual. Because like porn, Slutbot is a kind of interactive erotica that doesn't always necessarily need to reflect your real-life sexual preferences in order to get you off.

But while Slutbot can offer a certain amount of variability, it's still a chatbot with preset branching narratives; it doesn't learn and adapt on its own like AI.

"We know the erotica currently in Slutbot isn't going to exactly fit everyone's taste," Rader said. "But the idea was to make it work for the majority of people, to strike a middle ground." 

At times — particularly to advanced sexters like myself — Slutbot can feel like talking to a horny version of everyone's first AIM chatbot, SmarterChild. But Rader hopes that, "as Slutbot grows, we can create more advanced scenes, or cater to different tastes, like maybe even adding a kink version eventually." 

But for now, Slutbot does exactly what it was meant to do: Get your mind in the gutter. And even a self-described "advanced sexter" like me wound up blushing at her work desk from the things Slutbot said it wanted to do to me.

Aside from Slutbot, Juicebox is also rolling out another free service: weekly SMS tips from their certified sex coaches. Customized to your gender, orientation, and dating status, the topics range from bondage 101 to different dating styles to talking about your fantasies.

Slutbot wasn't the hottest sexting exchange I've ever had in my life, but it's not meant to be. I found myself learning even from the moments when Slutbot turned me off. As it turns out, emoji-heavy sexts are a major lady-boner killer for me. So now I know to tell my real-life sexual partners to calibrate their sexts to their own more intense "Hot & Heavy" setting.

This slutty chatbot is all about opening you up to new worlds of sexual self discovery. And hopefully, to more pleasure in the real world as a result.

"Our hope is that Slutbot can model that behavior for people, be a role model, give them language examples," said Rader. "We just hope that communication skills — being able to truly share their desires — helps people have the sex life and intimacy they want in their lives."

WATCH: Consent-oriented condom packaging says four hands are needed to open it, but then again – maybe not

#_author:Jess Joho #_category:yct:001000002 #_lmsid:a0Vd000000DTrEpEAL #_uuid:c948562e-7c6d-347b-a807-f4828fed7db4 #_revsp:news.mashable

[southaustinlocation]

Sexscapes: The Internet Gives a Voice to the Perverts of the World

Ever since it reached a level of general western-world ubiquity sometime in the 2000s, it has been widely accepted that the internet is one of humanity’s most ingenious inventions. The ways humans interact and connect with one another world-wide has been changed so fundamentally that to describe them would seem futuristic and absurd to twenty-year old incarnations of my now aged grandparents. Sites like Wikipedia, Google, and YouTube have not only entered the lexicon, but have also become invaluable research tools for the average individual curious to discover more about the world at large. Soon, it seems, it will be difficult even to find a cellular phone plan that doesn’t require paying for round-the-clock internet access as part of the basic contract.

For the first time in the history of our species, information and knowledge have become more or less democratized [though it can be argued that inherent class discrepancies lead to the fact that those who are unable to afford internet access, i.e. the bottom rung of the socioeconomic strata, now face more obstacles than ever when attempting upward social and economic mobility], and it would seem the average internet user has few excuses not to continue their education far past their formative school years.

But the human capacity for perversion should never be underestimated.

According to some not-so-groundbreaking research (mine), the internet, along with being one of the final bastions and troves of limitless, easily accessible knowledge available to an increasingly apathetic and dumbed-down populace, is used primarily for two main purposes: “trolling” (the sending of inflammatory or provocative messages purposefully crafted with the expectation that this initial message will elicit equally negative responses, or, if the troll is particularly lucky or adept, the commencement of an all out “flame-war”); and, of course, the viewing of pornography. Both of these purposes being symptoms of the altogether larger first-world problems of boredom and a general and ever growing inability to empathize with other sapient beings.

However stark and socially pertinent, none of this should come as particularly surprising or new information. Since pretty much its first widespread public use, the internet and perversion go together like cops and child molesters in prison (the metaphor, of course, falling short at the fact that, unlike prison, where police officers and pederasts meet up in protective custody—the smaller, secluded group of the prison at large—the perverts of the internet are the general population). Hell, one of my first experiences with the internet was when I was twelve and I didn’t have it, but my next door neighbor did, so every afternoon I’d go over to his house and, sitting in the side room of the garage where his family computer was kept, we’d burn through his AOL hours disc by logging onto AOL Instant Messenger and asking strangers if they “got pics?” Then, after inevitably getting bored with this game, searching for naked pictures of the girl from Seventh Heaven (no, not Jessica Biel, who actually had semi-nude photos published in Gear magazine around this time, but the slightly more homely Beverley Mitchell, for some reason).

But that was back in the Wild West frontier days of World Wide Web-based perversion and sexual curiosity. These days, perverts are no longer cloistered away to obscene chat sites. Instead, with the inception of so-called “porn 2.0”—tube sites such as Youjizz, YouPorn, PornoTube, PornTube (distinct from “PornoTube”—common mistake), FuckTube and BookpornTube (compelling name, I must admit, though surprisingly unliterary in the final analysis)—the perverted majority of the internet finally have a way to truly interconnect with one another: rubbing them out to the same videos as thousands of other horny people.

Someone, however, decided the perverts of the interweb weren’t connected enough by these shared masturbatory stimuli. Somewhere down the line, apparently, the question was asked at a pornographic video tube site board meeting: what happens when the trolls of the internet are given a medium with which they can broadcast far and wide to other trolls and pervert-trolls, just how they, as an individual and lonely troll caught in the vastness and potentially infinite wisdom of cyberspace, feel about a particular pornographic video? This led to the somewhat alarming decision to begin including “comments” sections for each video on many of the more popular tube sites.

In an effort to try and better understand the perverts of the internet (myself included), I decided, at great risk to my personal sanity and computer security, to browse through a varying array of these comment sections to see what I could glean from the pervert-trolls of the internet. Interestingly, the results actually managed to be profoundly disturbing in ways that superseded my already sordid expectations. With the hopes of not encouraging additional traffic to any of the sites, many of which are hosted in foreign countries, thus allowing the sites to avoid prosecution for the hosting of copyrighted material and in turn denying profit to the hardworking men and women of the pornographic industry (yes, that previous sentence was completely serious), I will be withholding the names of the sites in question, though I will be providing my notoriously stringent editor with URLs for all of the videos in question. Videos will be chosen the same way I choose which Wikipedia articles I’m going to read to kill time: I will start at the homepage and see what looks interesting until I’m inevitably led down a wormhole sticky with wasted-time and shame and regret.

##

Video One: “Retail Store Creampie”

The Video:

I’ll start first with what appears to be a short excerpt taken from a longer film. The video has seven comments and an overall rating of 88.50% with 554 “Good” votes, and 72 “Bad” votes. The video is four minutes and six seconds long and depicts a young woman in a green shirt getting plowed by a guy with a shitty tattoo on his ribs. Throughout the video she makes some fake moany noises and says things like “fuck me.” Also, she’s getting banged in a store on a clearance rack for some reason. Pretty standard porn territory.

The Comments:

Comments range from the coherent, if subject-ambiguous, “nice cock. Love his pussy pounding, wish it was me,” to people being pissed about false advertising in the title of the video, “not a creampie stupid,” and, “THAT WAS NOT A CREAMPIE MOTHERFUCKERS!!!” Then there is the somewhat baffling, “can’t stand those fake moans, quiet moans are hot, but not those fake-ass American-hoe ones. FUCK YOU AMERICAN ASSHOLES. WHITEPOWER!!!”

(Reader, take note that this last comment, left 07/31/2010 at 1:12 am, is a classic example of trolling. Notice how the comment doesn’t make sense, but implores others to reply defensively.)

What I learned:

The art of trolling is alive and well in porn comments. Also, if your video promises a creampie (sex act—you can look it up your damn self), you’d better deliver. Otherwise, people will call you names like “stooped.”

Video Two: “Barely Legal Casting”

The Video:

With a total of twenty-four comments, this video has 1,484 votes with an 86% positive rating and 1,714,761 views. It was added to this particular site eight months ago which means that this video is watched roughly 7,030 times per day. The video is part of the “Backroom Casting Couch” series of videos. It is a “reality” porn series, where a middle-aged dude, face always blurred out, has unprotected sex with women, many of them girls who appear to be amateurs and in their late teens. In this video the man asks a girl who claims to be eighteen, but could pass for fifteen, a whole bunch of awkward questions about sex, which she answers in a way that either highlights a strong history of character acting, or simply belies her actual sexual greenness. The man then proceeds to have her strip in front of the camera, ostensibly as part of a casting process. After sexing her up against a wall, he ejaculates on her face in a close-up that is really just creepy and left me feeling not aroused, as porn should, but rather cold inside.

The Comments:

Highlights include the somewhat racist, “have you ever done any black chicks? Or are you afraid that they’ll find out & shoot you? LOL” by someone named Bonezz_11 (his profile picture shows a shirtless dude with sunglasses and a visor blowing out some sort of smoke, and under “more info” he is listed as a twenty-two year old male who has been actively using this particular site for over two years and has watched 2,224 videos, giving him an average of three porn videos per day); the perverted, “daddys girl exploited, love it,” and, the misogynistic, “she looks hot with a dick in her mouth, but other than that, not so cute. too tiny,” by Freaknasty831, whose profile picture is an erect penis.

What I learned: (Besides how many porn videos Zach Bonezz_11 watches per day.)

That the American public education system is profoundly failing to teach its youngsters that riddling your text with comma splices makes you look like a total dumbass.

But, my porn comment research did lead me in an educational direction. Additional research into the authenticity of the Backroom Casting Couch series revealed that the male “star” of the videos is an Arizona man named Eric Whitaker, and that he totally has Herpes Simplex Virus Type I (he released proof through his Twitter account for some reason). The girls in the video are paid a flat fee up front, and are fully aware that they are entering Whitaker’s sleazy as hell Scottsdale office to have sex on camera, though apparently Whitaker has no qualms about knowingly spreading his Herpes, an offense which in the state of Arizona could possibly be considered aggravated assault.

Since June 2011, the greasy fuck Whitaker has been on the radar of sex crime detectives.

Next month Anderson continues to probe the porno-troll world and stumbles across a sex scandal involving a senator’s daughter.

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