#Thinking about how Banri literally calls Juza his muse on the daily

[haru-desune]

A3! Fic: Worm’s Eye View

Rating: T

Relationships: Banri & Masumi (Platonic), Juban, SakuMasu

Warnings: None

Tags: Friendship, Pre-Relationship. Swearing, Existential Crisis, Developing Relationship, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Light Angst, Fluff, Hana High Boys, Everyone is suffering except for Sakuya but like it's fine, No Beta We Die Like August, Settsu Banri Swears A Lot, Settsu Banri is a Little Shit, Settsu Banri is Emotionally Aware and Hating Every Second of It

Summary: Step 1: Lie on the floor in a fit of existential angst. Step 2: ?????? Step 3: Profit.

Read it on AO3

Fic Below Cut

A/N - Other ships mentioned: Tasuku/Tsumugi, Azami/Kumon, Sakyo/Izumi, Chikage/Itaru Me, writing a fic that isn't fuyu-centric? It's more likely than you think. This one was just called "Banri and Masumi lie on the floor" in my notes and ended up completely different than how I imagined. Basically a response to waking up with a big case of the sads for most of this week. I've literally never written for any of these guys before so uh... hope it's good! It's also a slightly different style for me, so let me know what you think. You are not immune to the Hana High Boys Headcannons.

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Banri woke up to an alarm blaring his in ear and a dull emptiness in his chest for the fourth time that week. Banri rolled over and went back to sleep. Banri woke up to his roommate stumbling around the room, trying to get dressed in the dark. He let his heavy eyelids pull themselves closed and pretended not to hear Juza's quiet mumble of “shit, shit, sorry” or feel him check for a fever before leaving. Banri woke up thirsty as fuck, and stayed in bed another 15 minutes before slowly levering himself out of bed, determined to grab a glass a water and return to his blanket cocoon. Which is how he found himself near the courtyard door, facing a dilemma. So here's the thing. It wasn't particularly unusual to find Masumi sleeping in unusual places. He and Hisoka had a nasty habit of curling up in some unassuming corner until an unsuspecting troupe member tripped over them. But lying flat on the floor of the common area, headphones around his neck, glaring unfocused at the ceiling was weird even for him. Banri blinked, debated stepping over him to get to the kitchen, then sighed. “You good, dude?”

“Ugh.”

“Cool, cool. What're you doing?” The glare shifted towards him, despite its owner not moving an inch physically. Banri very carefully did not wince. “Okay, stupid question, fair enough. Why are you doing -” He gestured vaguely in Masumi's direction, “that?”

“… Just one of those days.” Well damn. It really was just one of those days, huh? “Mind if I join you?” A shrug. Well, it was the best he was going to get, he supposed. He lay down next to his junior. From this distance, he could hear the tinny beats of some unidentifiable song pulse from the headphones. The weight in his skin shifted and slid and sunk into something more bearable. “You're not usually like this” he said, conversationally. “Mind your own business.” The reply wasn't unexpected, but it wasn't nearly as scathing as it could have been. They lay there in silence for what seemed both hours and minutes. Banri let his eyes find patterns in the dips and cracks in the ceiling, slowly letting his breath even out into something that wasn't suffocating. “I think there's something wrong with me.” The sudden break in the quiet snapped him out of his daze. Shit. He'd sort of forgotten Masumi was there. He bit back a smart ass comment. He didn't have the energy for a fight. Something that sounded a lot like Sakyo laughing tickled the back of his mind at the thought. “What do you mean?” He asked instead, making the valiant effort and great sacrifice of rolling over on his side to face the other boy. Masumi was still staring resolutely at the ceiling, tips of his ears red. “Never mind”. “Nope, you started this man, talk it out.” Unfortunately, three years at Mankai had made him like, 'emotionally aware' or whatever. Gross. There was a solid three minutes where Banri was certain Masumi was just going to ignore him. Then - “Have you ever made something such a big part of yourself that you don't know what to do when it's gone? Or if it becomes… something different?” Banri thinks about a grayscale life blooming into color under the spotlight. About cracked ribs and cold golden eyes transforming into petty jabs, triumphant smiles and heads bent together over the pages of a script, the fire of rivalry still burning bright but at times softening into – he immediately slams the brakes on that train of thought. He does not need that confusing mess of feelings today, thanks. “Is this about Izumi-chan?” he asked instead, steering his focus back to safer waters. Masumi made a frustrated noise. “Yes. No. I don't know!” “Ah.” “Yeah.” Banri let the seconds tick by. “So, are you gonna elaborate or?” Masumi turned his head to glare at him, and he grinned. “I mean, are your feelings gone, or did they change?” The reply came without a split second's hesitation. “I still love her.” “Pog.” “I don't know what that means.” “Itaru-san is your dad, I refuse to believe that.” Masumi blushed and averted his eyes, making him cackle. The other boy rolled his eyes, still red-cheeked. “I still love her.” he said again, instead of acknowledging that Banri was 100% correct, as always. He decided to cut the kid a break. “I'm sensing there's a 'but' here.” “Yesterday I passed by the bakery near campus that sells curry buns and my first thought wasn't whether I could grab some for her, but that Sakuya would probably like the seasonal cherry blossom mochi.” Banri did snap to attention at that. “Okay, I see where you're coming from, but one incident doesn't mean anything. She can't be at the forefront of your mind all the time, logically.” “But she is!” Masumi snapped, “She always has been!” then in a much smaller voice, “And it wasn't just the one time.” “Oh?” “A few days ago she went to the amusement park with Muku and I didn't think anything of it until they already left. And last week I passed up a chance to go grocery shopping with her to go to the movies with you and Sakuya. Last month I forgot to send her a good night DM twice and-” Masumi made another frustrated sound, tangling his hands in his hair. Banri reached to catch them, lowering them before he could start pulling in earnest. It was an unconscious move, this de-escalation, picked up in high school from the rare occasions the normally unflappable student was going through it. He sighed. This would have been a lot easier in high school. Sakuya was way better at handling Masumi than he was. “Fuck man.” Masumi made a small noise of agreement, sounding so lost that it made Banri's skin itch. “But you still love her.” He reminded him. “Of course. She's still the reason I'm here. She's still the reason I act.” Ah. That was it then. Banri regretfully decided to give up on the lying down thing and sit up, cross-legged. It was good while it lasted, but this was more important. “Okay, look, I'm not an expert on all this love crap, okay. But like… you know there are different ways to love people, right? Like, it doesn't always have to be with marriage or dating or whatever in mind. She can still be your muse, even if the way she inspires you has changed.” Masumi finally turned to look at him at that, face painted in disbelief and a little indignation. Banri sighed. “Just… just trust me on this, 'kay?” He said, ruthlessly squashing down the memory of calloused and scarred hands carefully pressing against his forehead just that morning with a gentless that was both unexpected and yet somehow perfectly fitting at the same time. Masumi blinked at him, before a look of understanding washed over his face, and Banri had the horrific realization that he'd very clearly shown his hand. They stared at each other for what, to him, felt like hours as a cold sweat ran down his back. And then Masumi, the fucking brat, had the gall to snort at him. “Oh my god, just tell him you like him, you coward.” “Hey! I just poured my heart out to you, and this is the thanks I get?” “Lame.” “Listen here, you little shit!” “Shut up, you're too loud.” And with that, Masumi turned over, but not fast enough to hide the small smile playing on his lips. Banri was left gaping disbelievingly at his back, a small bubble of laughter struggling to escape his throat at the stupidity of the whole situation. Before long, he was doubled over, clutching his stomach. Masumi's shoulders began to shake, and soon even he was on his back again, coming as close to guffawing as Banri had ever seen him. “You guys look like you're feeling better! I'm glad!” Banri's head snapped up to see Sakuya at the entryway, Juza hovering awkwardly behind him. Masumi raised himself on his elbows, and nodded like he hadn't been just as surprised by the interruption, the liar. Banri snuck a glance at Juza, only to find him looking back. He flushed, but refused to buckle so easily. “Welcome back.” Juza's eyes skittered away. “I'm back.” he said gruffly, and Banri was absolutely counting it a win, despite the warmth filling his chest at such a simple phrase. Masumi rolled his eyes next to him, and Banri reached over to shove him without looking over. Sakuya at least had the decency to look a little sheepish for startling them. “Sorry, for the interruption.” “You weren't interrupting” said Masumi, picking himself up with a baleful glare at Banri, who very maturely didn't stick his tongue out at him. “Oh good!” Sakuya gave them a grin and Banri had to resist the urge to shield his eyes, “Oh yeah, Masumi-kun, thank you for the mochi, I had it during my break today.” Masumi made a noncommittal noise, which anyone else would find disheartening. Sakuya just grinned a little wider, and Masumi's glare softened just a little, and Banri came to a sudden realization. He'd seen that look on Tasuku around Tsumugi, Azami around Kumon, Sakyo around Izumi, and, most disturbingly, Chikage around Itaru. “How come you're walking home with Hyodo?” he asked instead of saying anything about whatever the hell was going on next to him, because contrary to popular belief, he did in fact know when to keep his mouth shut. Take that Sakyo. “We happened to run into each other. We thought we'd go back out for milkshakes in a bit, though. Would you like to join?” “Yeah, I'm in. Masumi?” “Ah, Masumi-kun was probably waiting for Izumi-san, right?” “No, I'll come.” “Really? That's great!” Oh good god, this was hell. He should win the Fleur Award for not screaming through this interaction. If he wasn't 98% sure that Masumi himself didn't know what was going on here, Banri would absolutely be getting him back for that coward comment earlier. Instead, he just had to sit here and be the bigger person and watch this idiot watch Sakuya head off towards his room with a stupid (tiny) smile on his face. Finally, Masumi turned to him, smile slipping into a frown. “What?” “Nothing.” he replied through gritted teeth. “Weirdo.” Banri deserved the Nobel Peace Prize for putting up with this shit. Masumi, completely ignorant to the deep personal sacrifices Banri was making on his behalf, pushed himself to his feet. He paused for just a second, not turning. “Thanks” he said quietly, and headed towards the courtyard himself without waiting for a response. “You're welcome!” Banri shouted back anyway, just to watch him cringe. “What was that about?” Oh yeah. Juza was still here. With him. Alone. After their weird, whatever that had just happened. Good thing Banri was getting really good at ignoring the dancing purple elephants in the room. “We were on the floor.” “Okay?” “Yeah.” “Why?” “Just one of those days.” “Oh. That makes sense, I guess.” For some reason, Banri believed him. They stayed like that, Juza at the door, Banri on the floor, unsure what to do next. Somehow, He was loath to even try to get up. Juza shuffled his feet, hunching into himself in the way he did when he wasn't sure how he was going to be received. It was an act of self-deprication that always made Banri unreasonably angry, though he was never sure at whom. “What?” he snapped. Juza frowned. “I uh… got you this. In case you weren't feeling better or whatever. You don't have to take it but, uh yeah.” he said, pulling a can of lemon tea from his bag and thrusting it toward him. Banri felt all the anger drain from him at the sight. He never did get that water, did he? A burst of laughter that overtook him for the second time before he could stop it. Juza's frown deepened. “Well fuck fox-face, if you didn't want it, you could just say so.” he said, unable to mask the hurt in his voice. “No, no, I'm not- it's not you, you stupid daikon.” He said in between giggles, “I'm just, really, really thirsty.” Juza stared at him like he'd grown a second head. “You're laughing because… you're thirsty?” “Yeah.” “Alright, that's weird even for you.” “Shut up and give me the tea.” “Yeah, yeah” said Juza, finally moving away from the door and walking towards him. But instead of handing him the tea and walking off like Banri had expected, he offered him a hand up. Banri raised an eyebrow, because they didn't do that, they never did that. Juza flushed. “We gotta get ready to go, and you take enough time without you sitting on your ass drinking tea.” He said, not meeting his eyes, “You can walk and drink at the same time.” “Oh fuck you.” Banri replied, without any real heat, “At least I make an effort beyond throwing on a t-shirt and calling it a day.” He reached out and grabbed the hand in front of him anyway, resisting the urge to hold on a little longer than necessary. Juza passed him the tea as they headed towards their room, and he cracked it open immediately, taking a big gulp. It was a little too sweet, but not too bad. He risked a sideways glance, and almost choked, a little blindsided by the way the evening sun highlighted the sharpness of Juza's face.

They can still be your muse even if the way they inspire you has changed, huh? Oh man he was fucked. Juza turned to check why he'd stopped walking, and he shook himeslf out of his revere, walking briskly to catch up. “Thanks.” He said, nudging the other boy in the ribs gently. “You're welcome.” He responded, wide-eyed, and cleared his throat awkwardly. “Are you, uh, feeling better?” Was he? He had been able to ignore the gray tinge to the day between Masumi's existential crisis and… whatever this was. And god this was weird they never did this, but… Banri was willing to admit at least to himself that this was the kind of weird he wouldn't mind experiencing more often. The emptiness wasn't gone completely, but at least he felt a little more… like him. “Yeah, a little, I guess.” “Good. That's uh, good.” Juza offered him a tentative smile. “Yeah.” Their knuckles brushed against each other a little when they walked, and Banri let himself be warm.

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A/N-  Masumi, bursting into room 104 two months later: I think I'm in love with Sakuya! Banri, looking him dead in the eye: JuSt TeLl HiM yOu LiKe HiM YoU cOwArD Juza walks in to find Masumi trying to smother him with a pillow while he cackles like a madman, and decides to spend the evening in Kumon's room instead.

If you don't follow the stage plays, you might not know that Banri has an entire solo song about Juza called Muse from one of the autumn plays and uh… YEAH.

#I wrote this instead of sleeping because of course I did #Thinking about how Banri literally calls Juza his muse on the daily #a3! #act! addict! actors! #banri settsu #masumi usui #juza hyodo #sakuya sakuma #juban #sakumasu #hana high boys #a3! fic #a3! fanfic #my fic #fan fiction